Nightblade IV: Book One - Viper's Bite
by KnightEstoc
Summary: I'm good at what I do because I know where my limits fall. However, there are things that are just plain impossible, no matter how talented someone may be - and this time, I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew.
1. Prelude Time

**Chapter 1: Prelude Time**

* * *

 **June 29** **th** **, 2026**

Rain. The thirst-quencher, the crop-drowner. The life-giver and the life-taker. Every drop of water that existed today has existed since the beginning, a silent testament to the world's ability to adapt and utilize its own resources sustainably. A monument to science and something indispensable in our society.

And it was going down the back of my neck, gods damn everything. Cold rain sucks when it's raining heavily.

Snarling curses under my breath, I slipped inside and sighed with relief as I was greeted by warmth at last. Shaking my head to get rid of the worst of the water, I managed to get a small yelp from the person sitting at the table to my right. Heh.

"Ack! You jerk!" Shino Asada snarled, glaring at me from where she was sitting. Or, at least, I was assuming she was glaring; without my glasses, which were currently nice and dry in the pocket of my coat, I only saw a dark-haired blob. After retrieving my glasses and putting them back on, I checked again.

Yep. She was glaring.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ice Queen," I grumbled. "Did I get you wet? Are you going to start melting? Where are your ruby slippers?" Shino just made a rude sound and bared her teeth at me.

"You two just keep going at it, don't you?"

I grinned at the smooth baritone coming from behind the bar's counter. "Hey, Agil. And yeah, of course we do. But deep down, she loves me," I said easily, resting my hand on her head and patting her gently.

Shino, of course, glared at me, but didn't deny it. I knew that like the others, she was part of my family. She was my sister, same as the other girls.

I tried not to think of _how_ I learned that, though. I like the ends more than the means this time, thanks.

"Did you _walk_ here?" she asked me as I sat down next to her, hanging my coat off the chair back. "Are you stupid or something?"

"Or something," I shrugged amiably. "I was already out, and I didn't expect it to rain, and I just walked over, so... yeah. Got a little wet. Gotta say, though, Shino, I expected you to be a little gloomier than this. Don't you hate rain?"

Shino sighed. "At least carry an umbrella, Nick, this is the rainy season and you know it. And I hate _you_ , for reference. I merely dislike the rain."

"You like watching the rain, though, I'm guessing?" I laughed, letting the first half of our conversation threads drop. "Sitting in the bar slash coffee shop, watching the rippling puddles and sipping a steaming... milk coffee," I said after peeking at her drink. "Why, if it were anywhere but here I'd say you were looking cozy. As is, you just look like someone that got stood up by her date."

"Ouch," Shino and Agil chorused without offense, both looking pained but for different reasons. I grinned; not often I got to spin a line that nice, so I was going to enjoy it while I could.

"So how's school going?" I asked her, getting comfortable while waving over at Agil when he asked if I wanted the usual. "Keeping your grades up?"

"Yes, _big brother_ , I'm doing well," she sighed with a little half-smile. "And those three bitches have backed off since I showed them up last January, so that's all good too." Holding a grudge? It's rare for me to hear her swear about someone like that.

"Excellent," I sighed. "I'd ask more regularly, but..."

"Yeah, I know, you've been busy with your job," Shino waved it off. "Doesn't matter. The game's more fun when you're not there making everything smell like wet cat anyway."

I raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a Cait Sith, too? Whatever." I glanced out the window at the grey sky. "Is it going to rain again tomorrow?" I asked idly. It was... nice, being in the Dicey Cafe again after so long. The rustic feel from the wooden furniture and smell of something cooking in the kitchen made my job feel so far away. The most high-tech pieces of equipment in the bar were the cameras Din and Yui used for their virtual simulations of the bar. All in all, it let me relax for the first time in a while. I was with my family, not with strangers.

"It's the rainy season, after all," Shino sighed.

"I'm certain this is the Undine mages' fault."

Shino and I exchanged a quick startled glance, then looked at Agil simultaneously as he delivered a glass of water to me. His huge frame and typically-intimidating expression belied the red face and awkward smile he had on right then, and I chuckled under my breath.

"When you tell a joke," Shino sighed after a second, "it loses the effect if you make a face like that, Agil..."

The way she said it, like just seeing the expression would make small children - and Keiko, though that's more a case of subset rather than union - cry, made Agil grunt under his breath and start feeling around to see if he could rearrange his expression; Shino choked on a laugh and quickly gulped down some of her coffee to hide it.

Just as Agil managed to make a relatively imposing face, the doorbell rang again as the door swung open. I looked over my shoulder and grinned as the customer took one step inside and then stopped as he was greeted by Agil's face. "Hey, Agil, if you greet the customers with that face every time, you'll scare away all of them."

"N-no, this was a punchline to a joke..."

"...No, that's not right either," the customer said bluntly.

As he put his umbrella in the whiskey barrel placed near the door for that express purpose, Shino tapped the table to catch my attention. "See? _He_ brought an umbrella with him."

"Let it go," I grumbled. "If it makes you feel better, sis, I'll bring one with me tomorrow if I go out." Shino watched me, then let out a quiet 'hmph' and sat back. I'm pretty sure that the expression on her face might have grown up to be a pleased smile at me calling her 'sis', had she not killed it at birth.

"Hey, Nick, Sinon."

Shino frowned a little as she looked up. "You're late, Kirito," she said disapprovingly. It's amazing, really, the way she can do that. Like just by showing up after her, even though we were all technically early for the meeting, he was late.

Must be a girl thing.

"Sorry," Kazuto said, ducking his head a little as he took a seat opposite Shino. "I haven't taken a train for a while now."

"You didn't come on your bike today?" she asked as he undid the top button of his open-collared shirt. Anyone else, I'd accuse them of flirting, but Kazuto is dense like that.

Kazuto shook his head. "No, I didn't wanna ride it through the rain and risk damaging something. Hey Agil, Caffe Shakerato for me." The fuck is that? Sounds like some strange bastard child of coffee and a milkshake.

"Hey, don't take this the wrong way," Shino said, "but are you eating enough? You look really thin." I glanced over Kazuto's way; he was a bit thin, I guess, but given what he'd been doing all weekend that was to be expected. Still, it _was_ my job for today and tomorrow to make sure he didn't have any poor side-effects, so...

"Even if I did eat more," Kazuto said, "I'd just be getting back to normal. And then it'd drop again next weekend, so it's not really worth it."

I tapped the tabletop and gave him a glare. "You have to eat, Kazuto," I said. "I'm not a licensed medical person, but they said nutrient deficiency is a thing that's happening. Your body cannibalized what it had at hand, since you weren't getting any food or water, and the best thing to do now is eat more than you think you need until you're back to normal." Honestly, he should know this by now. Maybe Asuna is feeding him?

"Huh? No food or water? Were you trying for enlightenment?" Shino asked, giving us a strange look as she tilted her head in confusion. She looked like she was going to ask for clarification, but was distracted by the light clacking of Agil mixing up Kazuto's order. And since I had the attention span of a gnat and all sounds were suspect until I found their source, I glanced his way too. He was good with it, handling the shaker with an almost surprising elegance until I remembered that as much shit as we gave him, he _was_ good at his job. As we watched, Agil poured the contents into a wide-brimmed glass and carried it to our table.

"This is the Caffe... something or other?" Shino asked, staring at it. It was light brown, with a smooth foam a slightly darker shade of brown. "What you just ordered?" Instead of answering, Kazuto slid the glass over towards her. Shino picked it up and took a hesitant sip. After a few seconds, she lowered it. "...It's good," she muttered.

Agil grinned, clearly satisfied with the murmured compliment, and smacked his upper arm. Those things were fucking huge. And it wasn't the 'inflated beach ball' kind of muscle people got by hitting the gym regularly, this was actual useful muscle. "Without these babies, it wouldn't be that smooth."

"Ever since we've come back, you can't stop bragging about your skill level, huh?" Kazuto muttered with a grin. "Other than that, what's cooking?"

"Boston-style baked beans," Agil answered. "These rock-solid biceps -"

"A taste of your wife's hometown?" Kazuto interrupted him, making Agil frown slightly in disappointment. "I'll take some."

"He'll take two somes, actually," I cut in. "He needs to restock on food stores." Agil just shrugged and walked away. As Shino slid the glass back over to Kazuto, I snatched it out from under him. "Yoink!" Studying the glass, I rotated it and lifted it, deliberately putting my lips to the part where Shino's lips had touched. After giving her a quick wink - which was met with a disdainful snort - I tried out Kazuto's fancy coffee for myself. I wasn't a huge fan of foam in the first place, and the drink was a little too sweet for my taste. "I have no idea how you two drink stuff like that," I shuddered melodramatically as I handed the glass back to Kazuto.

"You knew it was coffee," Kazuto said mildly before he took a gulp from the drink. "What made you try some anyway?"

I shrugged. "It was funny?"

Kazuto let out a sound of indifference before exhaling quietly and sitting a little straighter in his chair. "How is he now?" he asked Shino, looking straight ahead.

Shino didn't answer right away, even though all of us knew what the question meant immediately. Instead, she took the glass from Kazuto and took a bigger gulp this time. Payment for information, I'd say, only she wasn't my girlfriend. "He... He's calmed down a lot," she said finally.

'He', in this case, was Kyouji Shinkawa, Shino's only friend before we forced ourselves into her life. The Death Gun incident... I didn't like thinking about it, even now. The only reason that little bastard was in juvie right now instead of the morgue was because he'd failed to kill Kazuto.

I didn't like thinking about what would have happened if Kazuto died. It'd already screwed enough stuff up for just being a possibility.

Either way, the little shit had apparently started talking to the counselor trying to give him a psych exam and had been transferred a few weeks ago. It would have been a surprise - after all, he'd refused to say a word for six months, even after his brother gladly spilled all the beans - but I'd expected something like this, actually. Six months, or to be more accurate, one hundred eighty days, was the length of time an avatar would remain in the systems of Gun Gale Online, the game the fucker had gotten obsessed with. Once Spiegel was deleted, there was nowhere else for the delusional creep to run away to, and he was forced to face reality.

"I planned to visit him once he gets a little bit better," Shino said. "I think this time he'll let me see him."

"I see."

I kept silent on the matter. It wasn't my place to say who Shino could and couldn't meet with, even if I didn't particularly like the person she was meeting.

After several seconds of silence, Shino pouted. "Hey, this is the point where you're supposed to ask if I'm okay, guys. Some friends."

"Um... Uh, what about you? What are you up to?" Kazuto stammered, panicking slightly.

I just raised my glass of water towards her, acknowledging her score. Shino grinned in satisfaction, and said, "I've already watched all the old action movies you lent me, Kazuto. My favorite was probably the guy avoiding handgun bullets by rolling toward cover." Don't knock the action roll! It's a solid technique! "If you ever think about coming back to GGO, I'll show it in our next practice match."

Kazuto laughed uneasily. "I-Is that right? That's great... please be gentle," he trailed off weakly.

That was something else I'd been wondering. Shino had been trying to kick her phobia of guns through GGO at first, but after it turned out that it really wasn't all that effective, she turned to other methods of desensitivization. Was that a word? It was now. Regardless, she seemed a lot more at ease talking about guns, though I could see the way her hands twitched every time she mentioned them. She was still a little nervous, and I'm pretty sure she'd always be, but the panic attacks seemed to be gone. Or… diminished, at the very least. Good for her. I really am proud of her – not everyone managed to escape their fears, but she was strong to confront it. I gave her a fond smile, and she returned it. Message sent and received; she knew I was happy for her.

I didn't bring it up because I forgot briefly, but the subject reminded me; now that she'd gotten over the worst of it and managed to stop the trio from bullying, she was apparently eating her lunch with several friends. And, for bonus schadenfreude points, they always talked about a certain boy waiting in front of the school to take her somewhere on her bike. As for how I knew that... Sources. There were benefits to being a brother to basically all of her closest friends.

"Then, everything from the Death Gun incident is over, right?" Kazuto asked.

"Yeah... That sounds right, I think..." Shino didn't exactly sound convinced and frowned in thought, but before she could dredge up whatever niggling doubt was eating at her, Agil came out of the kitchen with three steaming plates, putting them down on the table in front of us.

Shino stared at the plate of baked beans with chunks of bacon in it; I couldn't exactly blame her, since it smelled even better up close. Her hand reached out and grabbed the spoon like she'd been hypnotized, before she jumped and snatched her hand away, saying, "I-I didn't order this."

Agil grinned knowingly. "That's cool. It's a treat... from Kirito." By the time Kazuto managed to start protesting, Agil had already gone back behind the counter.

While Shino tried and failed to suppress her giggles, and I didn't even try, she grabbed the spoon and waved it at Kazuto. "Thanks for the treat," she smiled.

"Well, it's fine..." Kazuto sighed. "I just got my first paycheck, and my wallet's still warm..."

Shino raised an eyebrow. "Paycheck from what?"

"Part-time job," I answered for him, deliberately shifting the plate towards him. "Don't give me that," I scolded him as he gave me a look. "I told you, this is kinda literally my job for today and tomorrow. You get malnourished, I get in trouble."

"What kind of part-time job?" Shino asked us.

"The one I mentioned earlier, that led to me not eating or drinking for three days straight," Kazuto said, sighing and picking up his spoon. "But we can talk about that later. For now, let's eat while the beans are hot."

Kazuto grabbed a bottle of mustard and squeezed a lot onto the edge of the plate before handing it off to Shino, who did the same thing. As one, they both took a huge spoonful of the beans. As I watched them eat happily, I was a little tempted to grab the third plate, but it was for Kazuto. I'd eat whatever he didn't finish and then pick up the bill for it. "This is... delicious," Shino muttered. Kazuto just grunted an agreement as he kept stuffing his face. "He said Boston-style, right? What kind of seasoning does it use?"

"A type of syrup," I said. "I wanna say maple, but that's not right... Hey Agil! What's the syrup called?"

"Molasses," the large man said without glancing our way.

"That's the one," I snapped my fingers.

Shino grinned at me. "Shouldn't you know that kind of stuff? Y'know, since you're American yourself?"

"Born there, raised here," I shrugged. "Of American food, I only know the three main food groups. Hamburger, fried chicken, and pizza."

"Which is one more than Kazuto," Shino murmured. " _He_ only knows hamburger and fried chicken."

"I know more than that," Kazuto said with a tired smile. "I've talked to a few people from over there, too."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Shino said easily. "I was talking to a girl from Seattle over the GGO international server for three hours straight about sniping. It's just _that_ guy I can't figure out..."

"'That guy'?" Kazuto repeated, looking at her. I glanced at his plate and laughed quietly; he'd already cleared half of it and was still going strong.

"It's what we're gonna talk about later," Shino said. "You knew about last week's fourth Bullet of Bullets final fight, right?"

"Yeah, I watched the broadcast with everyone," Kazuto nodded. "Oh, that's right, I haven't congratulated you yet. You might not be satisfied, but congrats on second place."

Shino put on a poker face as she muttered, "T...thanks." Then, clearly to hide her embarrassment, she continued, "I still did better than Nick. What'd you place, again?" she asked me oh-so-innocently.

Like she didn't know I placed nineteenth, with four kills to my name. "I'm pleading the Fifth."

"That's only in America."

"I'm American, it counts," I grumped.

Shino smiled cheerfully at me, then turned back to Kazuto. "If you've already seen the broadcast, then this'll be quicker. The guy that won, Subtilizer? This is the second time he won."

I frowned. "I knew his name sounded familiar. He was the guy you told us about in the third BoB, right? The US player that won with just a knife and handgun?"

"But how is that possible?" Kazuto asked. "After the first tournament, the servers were split into US and JP, right? So US players couldn't connect to our servers and vice versa?"

Shino shrugged. "It's supposed to be like that... And it worked for the next two tournaments. But this time, he either managed to avoid the block, or was well connected, or... well, however he did it he was accepted. But... Just by watching one fight you'd know why he's a legend."

Kazuto grinned as he said, "Yeah. From the broadcast screen alone, we could all see how fired up you were."

Shino pouted. "I-it wasn't just me. The other twenty-seven finalists were fired up too, since there were a few of us that lost to him in the first tournament." I didn't know who Subtilizer was until she brought it up, so I'm guessing she didn't count me in. Besides, my only reason for fighting was for a rematch against Musketeer X - and I got my sweet, sweet revenge even if it was a mutual takedown. Stupid dead man's switches. "Even if America is the home of the FPS, we're the origin of the Seed engine, so we thought we'd have the advantage, but once the lid was opened..."

Kazuto shook his head. "History repeated itself, right?"

Shino nodded, pouting in displeasure. Instead of saying anything right away, she ate the last bit of her bacon. "...Even though the tournament ended with a one-on-one, everyone is saying it was his total victory. Because from the start, that guy didn't have any weapons."

Kazuto blinked. "He went up against everyone else with bare hands?"

"Yeah. Well," Shino added, "instead of using a gun or knife he had the Army Combat skill. He defeated his first target by getting in close, taking their weapon, and using it on the next target. Rinse, repeat, win. He just used his bare hands to defeat other players while they were reloading more than once. It was like... he was fighting on some different level..."

I frowned slightly. A different level meant, to me, someone fighting like they were in Aincrad. In other words, like it was life or death. But that was insane, wasn't it? Someone from the United States couldn't have been in Aincrad. Well, whatever, it wasn't like I went up against him. I took out a few people that crossed my path while searching for Musketeer X, but they were all chumps.

"But," Kazuto said, shaking his head and folding his arms, "that means Subtilizer's build is like Nick's, right? He shouldn't be able to fight against mid-ranged or long-ranged attacks. And since most of the GGO players are that build, he should be at a disadvantage."

"Didn't stop me," I chimed in.

"You're a special case," he assured me.

"Damn straight."

"And by 'a special case,' I mean 'completely insane'," Kazuto continued.

I huffed. "Asshole."

"Well," Shino said, "you guys saw the scene where I lost to him, right?"

I shook my head. "I didn't. I got my kill and logged out." I had work the next day, after all.

"The rest of us did, in ALO," Kazuto confirmed. "When he was approaching your hiding place, just walking straight towards you, everyone was shouting 'Not that way!' or 'Sinon, behind you!'."

"Yeah, that," Shino sighed. That must suck. Getting wrecked that hard by someone who, all things equal, should have had a bullet hole in his head from what the sniper would term 'a distance that's really fucking far away'. "He took out eleven other people personally, and almost every one of them was defeated the same way. It was like he knew where they were going to be before they were there. He ambushed them at extremely close range and killed them before they could go for their guns. America might be different, but in the Japan servers Nick's the only person that uses a knife to fight, so..."

I grinned. "I'm pretty sure that after Kazuto's showing in the third tournament, the number of people using the lightsa - I'm sorry, the light sword - skyrocketed."

Shino just snorted. "They're just trying to imitate a certain someone's showing off. A few people were practicing earlier this year to cut bullets, but nobody managed to pull it off." I smirked, hiding it with a hand. I knew that Shino had purchased a small light sword herself and had it sitting in her storage like a good luck charm. I'm not sure if she tried to defend against bullets like Kazuto could, but honestly? Going for my style of dodging bullets would be easier to pick up than doing what Kazuto does.

I swear he dabbles in witchcraft.

"Anyway, what's really terrifying about Subtilizer is the way he could read the battle situation, almost like Nick can. Only I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a Unique Skill that breaks the game in two like you do." I just grinned.

"Is that even possible?" Kazuto mused, working his way through the second plate of beans absently. "It might be possible to predict what a beginner would do, but the BoB contestants are veterans, right? Predicting their actions that perfectly shouldn't be possible..."

Shino just shrugged lightly. "He beat more than ten people the same way, so it wasn't a fluke." ...I get the feeling she just called my victories flukes. "Well, even if they are veterans, they might still have patterns. For this terrain, do this, or follow this kind of movement... There might be a hole in the theory somewhere."

I leaned forward. Finally, something I can talk about! "Did you know, that the master swordsman only fears the beginner, and not the second-best swordsman? Because he can't predict what the beginner is going to do. Theoretically, someone skilled enough at the game could know how other skilled players were going to act. But at the same time, that might mean a new player might have a chance at surprising him."

Then I frowned. Shino's eyes were distant, like she was thinking about something else. I recognized the look easily enough; it was the look I always got when I was replaying a scene from a conversation or fight in my head. In other words, I doubt she heard a single word I said. "Sinon?" Kazuto asked. "Sinon? Sinon. Hey, Sinon," he said hurriedly as the girl lifted her hand and reached out to thin air.

Shino shook her head and looked at us. "Sorry, where were we again?"

"The patterns of veteran players, and the theory," Kazuto prompted.

"O-oh." Whatever she was thinking about, it shook her. "Well... yeah, because of that, players that don't use the patterns and don't follow the theory should be able to beat Subtilizer..."

I snorted under my breath. That was basically what I just mentioned. I reached out and tapped her shoulder. "Is this why you asked us to come out?" I murmured, quietly enough that she could hear but Kazuto couldn't. He got the hint and busied himself going through the second plate. "Because of him?"

"...Yeah," Shino murmured, reaching out subtly. I gently rested my hand next to hers, lightly nudging her fingers with mine. "I set up a sniper's nest on the top floor, and that's where he ambushed me. But I really wanted to be on the floor below. The only reason I wasn't was because of... something private." She didn't want to share, that was fine. "And then he said something weird just before I lost. 'Your soul will be so sweet.'" She shuddered.

I blinked slowly. "Well. That's... that's a thing. I want to go up against him now, if only to punch him a few times." No one does that to my sister and avoids retribution.

Shino gave me a small but genuine smile before raising her voice. "So, talking about a person who defies theory," she said in a cheerful tone, "don't you just think of one name in particular? It might be a little early, but I'm thinking of reserving a spot in the fifth BoB for that person." She extended her right figure into a gun shape, and took aim at Kazuto. "You're invited," she said, before making a silly little pew noise.

"Eh?" Kazuto said, somehow shocked by the turn of events. "Me?"

"I'm not telling you to do anything unreasonable like asking you to convert from ALO to GGO again," she said, and I stifled a snicker. She'd actually prepared a speech for this. "I'm just saying, you owe me. By the way, how's that legendary weapon?"

Kazuto grunted. The only reason he even owned the golden sword Excalibur was because Shino had made an impossible shot just before the treasure was lost forever to the Well of Urd. Since she'd been the one to retrieve, she had the right to hold it over his head. I'm proud of you, Shino. So proud. Kazuto, looking a little uncomfortable, cleared his throat and said, "I do kinda want to go up against him, but I think the main reason I even had a chance in the last tournament was because all those other guys had never gone up against a swordsman before. Subtilizer seems like he's good at close combat, though, right? Would I even have a chance of winning?"

"Oh, don't be a wimp," Shino scoffed. "He might be strong, but he's still just a VRMMO player. It's not like it's pro versus amateur or something."

"Yeah, that's it." Kazuto leaned back against the wooden chair, hands behind his head. "Is this Subtilizer really just an amateur? Just a VRMMO player?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You saying he isn't? Are you saying he's got actual live-combat experience, like a soldier or a member of a special task force?"

"You can't just say something like that," Shino grinned.

Kazuto, on the other hand, wasn't joking. "I read it from news sites, so I still don't know the full details... but it seems like several countries have adopted FullDive tech into their training. After polishing their skill in the virtual environment, don't you think it's possible for the professional to test it in the BoB?"

I very carefully didn't say anything. This was treading close to something I couldn't talk about, and I didn't want to be put in a position where I needed to refuse to answer questions.

"That's... that can't be..." Shino trailed off, lost in thought. I could guess at what she was thinking, but I didn't bother. If she needed me, she'd ask. "No. No matter who he is, in GGO we're even! I won't lose to the same opponent twice," she declared. "I'll definitely win next time! And I'll use every method to do it, too."

"...I'm one of those methods, right?"

Shino nodded. "Nick's another one." I'm touched. "He's the decoy." She's touched in the head. "But I know how anxious you two would be, going up against a close combat expert, so there's a few more people joining us. They're gonna be acting as brakes to keep you two from running wild. Your controllers, in a sense."

I'd complain about being treated like a wild beast, but... that's probably necessary, given my track record. Kazuto, on the other hand, yelped, "C-controller?" Suddenly, a thought seemed to strike him and he fished out his phone from his pocket. After unlocking it, he glanced at an app he had running and smiled slightly. "I see."

...My suspicions are rising. I grabbed my own phone and checked my copy of the app I had a feeling he opened. Of course. That...actually makes a lot of sense. It was a map of the neighborhood with the Dicey Cafe in the dead center; there were two blinking lights side by side and closing in on us fast, one blue and one brown. Heh. I should have known. I really, really should have. "What're the light dots?" Shino asked, looking at Kazuto's phone.

"The people you're waiting for," I said easily, pocketing my phone. "In about three... two... one..."

As I finished my countdown, watching Kazuto's screen the whole time, the doorbell clattered again as the door opened again. Shino looked up in surprise, and I turned lazily to see exactly who I expected to see. The first one in folded her umbrella, her long chestnut hair swinging around as she turned toward Shino and beamed brightly. The second one slipped past Asuna and made a beeline towards me.

"Hey, Kana," I greeted, rising out of my seat instants before my girlfriend tackled me with a huge hug. For a few moments, I just held her and enjoyed the feeling of being whole again. I never, ever wanted to let go of her. "Sorry I couldn't come home over the weekend, but... work stuff went overtime." Seriously, I had to sleep at the Roppongi office and everything, just like the rest of the workers. At least they were prepared for that eventuality, so I had a real bed and not some weird couch or something. I didn't sleep all that well, given the strange environment, but it was better than it would have been if I hadn't been able to lock the door. I'm pretty sure that's why I was put on Kazuto duty, to let me come home while still working as an apology for keeping me over the weekend.

Kana pulled back and booped my nose with her finger. "Mm. You're here now, that's what matters. And you're _mine_ tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it," I smiled, hugging her tight again.

After a few seconds, she squirmed a bit, and I let her go. She shrugged off her coat and hung it up before turning to me with a wink. "I know," she said, putting one hand on her hip as she posed cutely. "I look _good._ " And she did; her hair seemed to be the opposite of mine, in that it was curly when short but straightened out as it grew. Her bangs almost hid her brown eyes, and the two longer locks that fell on either side of her face framed it quite nicely. It was still wild, especially near the edges of her haircut, but most of it was straight.

She was wearing a light brown top that showed off her shoulders, with dark ribbons running around the chest area. One string crossed her chest, the tiny bow falling right in the center, and another went over her shoulders and behind her neck, a larger bow falling on her left shoulder. Her shorts were a darker brown than her shirt and almost ridiculously short. Like, I'm pretty sure they just barely covered her underwear, that's how short they were. Her shorts had a small ruffle around the waist that almost gave them the appearance of being a skirt, but I knew better. Kana always preferred shorts over skirts and pants over dresses. The two pieces of clothing conspired to show off just a little bit of her flat stomach.

"And just think," she continued, obviously pleased by my equally obvious appreciation of her appearance. "If you didn't have to work for Kikuoka, you'd get this _every_ day instead of just on weekends."

"Would that I could, catling..."

Off to the side, Asuna and Shino were doing some bizarre female greeting ritual by touching fingertips and then sharing the same chair side by side. I don't even know.

Kazuto was watching those two with a bemused expression. "You two... When did you get this close?"

"Huh?" Shino asked, looking at him like he'd just spoken in alien tongues. "For a while now. Last month I even spent a night over at Asuna's!" Both she and Asuna glanced my way, and I fought to keep a straight face. Banish the memories! Banish them!

"Hiya, Agil," Kana waved as the bartender came over with two glasses of cold water. Asuna let out a small gasp of surprise and bowed with an apology, though I wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for. "Ooh, a menu! What do I want… Nick, you're buying for me, right?" She scrunched herself up and craned her head back to look up at me with puppy dog eyes. A remarkable feat, given that she was sitting on my lap and my head was in line with her shoulder.

"Fine, fine..."

"You're the best." Happily, Kana studied the menu. "Hm... I'll have a regular coffee, cream and two sugar."

I shook my head as Asuna placed her own order - a spicy ginger ale - and Agil returned to start making the drinks. "I honestly have no idea how you people can stand any of these drinks. Water is more than enough for me."

"It's an acquired taste," Kana said with a smile. "Kinda like you."

"Your words, they wound me so."

"You know you love me."

"Keep drinking coffee and see how long that lasts," I snarked drily.

Kana wrinkled her nose at me and poked me in the side before hopping off my lap and taking her own seat. "Don't make me hurt you."

"So," Shino said to Kazuto and Asuna, drawing me and Kana out of our loving banter, "you and Kirito definitely seem like you're getting along. I mean, you're already tracking each other..."

"It's not like that," Asuna protested.

"She's right," Kazuto said with a dismissive wave. "All mine does is display the exact coordinates of Asuna's terminal, but hers isn't that simple. Asuna?"

Asuna nodded and grabbed her own phone, placing it on the table next to his. The monitor had a cute little animated wallpaper, and I grinned slightly. There was a pink heart wrapped up in a red ribbon, beating once every second, and I raised an eyebrow. The defaults weren't that... pink. She must have found the customization options. I glanced at Kana, slightly curious if she'd done the same, and saw her already showing me her app. "I figured," she murmured when I barked out a quiet laugh. She'd kept the red heart, but changed the ribbon to be brown instead.

Beneath the heart were a couple lines of figures that I couldn't read if my life depended on it, but they weren't the interesting bits. No, the fun bits were immediately on either side of the lines - on the left side of Asuna's screen was a large 63, and a 36.2 in a smaller font was on the right. "What is..." Shino started to ask when the left number rose to 64. Kazuto seemed strangely embarrassed, and she blinked in realization. "It's Kirito's heart rate and temperature, right?"

"That's correct!" Asuna clapped. "As expected, Sinonon, you have good intuition." She glanced my way. "See if you can guess this one!"

The next screen had a red heart and grey ribbon. "Oh, I can guess this one," Shino said immediately. "It's Nick's." My heartbeat was just under 60, and my temperature was about 37. Huh. Looks like I'm pretty hot. Badum-tssh.

"Nick's pretty hot, right, ladies?" Kana asked with a knowing wink. "Badum-tssh."

Well. I'd be irritated she sniped my joke, but this was Kana we were talking about. I couldn't be mad.

"Eh," Shino gave me a once-over and wiggled her hand. "I've seen better." A knowing look flashed in her eyes and I gave her a dull glare. "So, how does this work, anyway?"

"It's actually a tiny sensor," Kazuto said, "implanted right about here." He poked at his chest, just to the left of center. "It monitors the heart rate and temperature and sends it to my phone. From there, the data is sent to Asuna's side through the network."

"Yui and Din have access to the information too," I chimed in. "I'm using the mini-server to bounce the data a little bit faster than through the satellite signal. Plus, that way we have a neat little record of everything. If there's no server connection, it switches to satellite, and if neither is present then it just saves the data until it can send it in one huge lump."

Shino blinked. "It's a sensor?" Then her eyes widened and she gaped at the two of them. "W-why are you doing... Is it because you're worried think he's cheating on you?" Then her eyes got even wider. "With _Nick_?!" Was… Was that a light blush? Wait. Was she _imagining that?!_

Kana broke into gales of laughter, while Kazuto and Asuna both yelped, "No!" simultaneously. I didn't look for myself, being too busy burying my head in my palm, but if Kazuto's face was anything to go off of, my temperature just spiked. Shino, my _sister_ , shipped me and Kazuto. I'm never going to be able to un-see that.

…Kazuto would totally be top, and I felt my faith in humanity fracture just that little bit more for admitting it.

"N-no," Kazuto continued, a little shaky. "It's when I started the part-time job. They recommended me to get it implanted, since sticking in electrodes every day was going to be terrible."

"I did the same thing," I said. "And then I made the mistake of mentioning it to Kana and Asuna, and they, um... very strongly urged us to get the vital data and make an app to send it to their phones." 'Very strongly' being a nice way of saying they bullied us until we agreed.

"Well, that's because I don't want some unknown company to have all of Nick or Kirito's data," Asuna said hurriedly. "I didn't even want them to get the implant to begin with!"

"You say that," Kazuto muttered, "but I know you look at the monitor whenever you can and smile."

Asuna blushed slightly. "I... feel calm, looking at it. It feels like Kirito's right beside me, and it's almost like I can hear his heart beating... Just the two of us, alone..."

"Uh... Asuna, that sounds... really dangerous," Kazuto said uneasily.

Shino was laughing at the two of them, glancing at the phone in her hand from time to time. "I... see... That's kinda nice..." she murmured. Then she flushed scarlet and looked up quickly, obviously hoping none of us had heard her. It was like I could hear her thoughts: 'Maybe none of them actually heard that.' Well, that hope had to have been dashed in a heartbeat; Kana and I had matching grins on our faces, while Kazuto and Asuna were blinking at her in surprise. 'Shit, they totally did,' went the Shino in my mind.

"I-I mean, GGO has a heartbeat monitor too, but that's only used for fighting when you have bad visibility... Not anything girly like this... It was just a thought..." She trailed off near the end, hurriedly handing the phone back to Asuna. I don't think any of us bought the excuse. "But then why do you have Nick's data on there, too?"

"Because she wanted it, I was already transmitting for Kana, and it was all of two seconds," I shrugged. "If you want the app, I could probably start sending you the data too, if you wanted. Mine, Kazuto's, or even – stop me if this sounds crazy – both."

Shino blushed slightly and looked away. "A-anyway, about the reason I asked you and Kana here, Asuna. Could you do me a favor and join the fifth BoB? I didn't want to just ask, since it involves character converting..."

"You're doing it again, right, Nick?" Kana asked me quietly while Asuna assured Shino that it was no problem. When I nodded and said that I'd probably give it a shot if I could, she nodded. "Then I'll give it a shot too. Hm... we'll have to figure out how to make a sub-account so we don't lose the house and our items..." That's right, she took care of my items when I converted for the fourth tournament. But, since this is going to be both of us, it won't work... Hm. Well, I _had_ been looking into creating a second account for trying out heavy weapons...

Shino rapping on the table lightly brought our attention back to the conversation. "So!" she said. "Now that the main topic is over with, how about..." She studied me and Kazuto. "How about we talk about Kirito and Nick's part-time job?"

"Knowing them, it's probably some new VR game," Kana said teasingly. But I knew her well enough to catch the note of curiosity in her voice, and almost a bit of hurt at the fact I was keeping a secret.

"Well, you're not wrong," I said easily, reaching out to trace the knuckles of her clenched fists with my fingers. Imperceptibly, she relaxed. "I can't tell you exactly what we're working on thanks to signing paperwork and stuff like that, but I'll tell you what I can.

"What I'm working on, and what Kazuto was testing, isn't exactly a game, but a new FullDive system. Specifically, a new Brain Machine Interface, or BMI." Kana relaxed a little bit more, moving her hand to hold mine lightly, and I smiled. She didn't blame me.

"Huh?" Shino gasped. "You mean, the next generation of AmuSphere is coming out soon? Are you two working for Asuna's father's company?"

I laughed. "I can see where you'd make that assumption, but no. It's..." Crap. What could I say?

"It's a venture company whose name I've never heard of before," Kazuto provided, and I sent him a grateful look. "I don't really understand the whole picture, but it has a lot of funds to fund development."

"What's the name of the company?" Shino asked, tilting her head curiously.

"RATH," I said. "It's a literary reference. Someone was a classy little bugger when they came up with the acronym. Asuna knows the source," I nodded towards her.

"In 'Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There'," my sister chimed in, "there's a line in the poem Jabberwocky, mentioning a creature called a rath. According to the author, it's some sort of pig or turtle."

"...Huh…" Shino didn't seem too impressed. I happen to like the Jabberwocky. Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! What can I say, poetical nonsense speaks to me. "So they're developing the next generation of FullDive machines by themselves?"

"No, it's not like that," I said. "The machine itself is huge. With the console and the equipment needed to keep it from catching fire by turning on, it'd easily fill the room."

Kazuto nodded. "Although the experimental first generation of the FullDive machine was that size too, the size of the NerveGear is remaining stable. Even the AmuSphere 2 going on sale next year is..." He trailed off at Asuna's arch look. "...Um, that's supposed to be confidential, by the way."

He just shrugged sheepishly, and Asuna gave a little smile and shook her head. "It's fine. They're going to announce it at the Tokyo Game Show next month anyway, so knowing about it early isn't too big a deal."

"Oh, RECT is going to be part of it too, huh?" Shino murmured. "I hope it won't be too expensive..." She gave Asuna the puppy-dog eyes, and my sister nodded seriously, making a serious face.

"I hope so too," she said. "But for now, the price is still to be determined."

Kana grinned. "According to all the tech documents I've been able to sniff out, it'll have a higher render speed and still be compatible with the software. So it's worth upgrading, even if you're satisfied with ALO and GGO."

"How do you even _know_ all that?" Asuna asked. "They've been very careful to keep everything quiet…" Kana just waved it away with a smug grin. Well, when you have a son with the habit of breaking through firewalls untraceably and a sister that works for the company…

"That right?" Shino sighed. "Maybe I should find a part-time job too..."

"So wait," Kana said suddenly. "If this huge FullDive machine isn't intended for home use, what's it gonna be used for?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "Mm..." I hummed. "This is gonna start approaching stuff I can't talk about, but I'm gonna tap-dance along the razor edge like a motherfucker. So! First off, it's not actually a FullDive. It uses different tech."

"Different?" Kana asked, leaning forward. "Isn't it just creating a VR world using polygons and then a user Dives into it? What's the difference? What's that world like?"

I shrugged. "It's... you don't actually remember. Because of how the machine works, you don't remember anything you see or do during use. Or, well, there's a… setting that can interfere with it."

"Huh?!" The girls yelped at the same time.

"You can't remember? How is that even possible?" Shino continued in a slightly quieter tone of voice. "Do you get hypnotized after using it?"

"No, nothing like that," I sighed. "Also, aside, hypnotism doesn't work like that. Back on topic, it's purely electronic. Technically, quantum-based."

I glanced at the time. "Four-thirty. Do you all have time?"

"Yes." "No problem." "I'm fine." "I know all this already..."

As the three girls agreed and Kazuto sighed his complaint, I nodded. "Shut up, Kazuto. Now, let's start from the beginning. The question of 'Soul Translation' technology."

"Soul...?" Asuna repeated slowly, tilting her head.

"Meh, the guy that named it is kind of a prick," I said lightly. "So. The human mind - where is it?"

"Mind?" Shino looked like she was going to reach for the chest, but she stopped and changed her answer. "It's in the head... the brain, right?"

I nodded. "Okay, so far so good. Now, where in the brain is it?"

"Where..."

Kazuto reached out and poked at Shino's palm. "The brain, or to be more specific, the brain cells." I sat back and let him explain as he traced a circle around the palm. "At the center is the nucleus, and around it is the cell's body..." Then he tapped her five fingers and traced a line from her wrist to her elbow. I'm pretty sure he has no idea he's about five seconds away from giving her a crush-induced heart attack. "The dendrites meet the axons and connect this cell to the next. So where does the mind exist? The nucleus, the mitochondria? The cell itself?"

"Hmm..." Shino mumbled, deep in thought.

Kana fielded this question. "Kazuto, the mind's just a network connecting a bunch of cells together? The whole neural network pathways and stuff, right?"

"Just like the Internet isn't just one computer," Asuna said suddenly.

Kazuto nodded deeply. "The brain cell network is the mind. In this context, I think that's as close to a correct answer as we're going to get. But the Internet, we could say that it's the structure in which the computers are connected to each other."

He pointed at the table where his and Asuna's phones were sitting. "So every computer is part of the Internet. And if we expand it, then we could claim that every user in front of the computer is part of the Internet too." He closed his eyes. "Nick, continue, please," he said, and took a sip from Asuna's drink. Heh, he's stealing my gimmick.

"Sure, sure, whatever," I said as he and Shino started talking about the taste of the drink. "So, the human mind and the Internet. How are they related? And don't say that you need a mind to use the Internet, I've read message boards and comments on videos and I know for a fact that it's not a prerequisite." Geez, thanks Kazuto. Throwing me a softball here. Where in the hells was he going with this?

"Hm..." Kana mused. "Well, if we assume that the shape of the Internet is the hardware - the server and router, the PCs and phones that make up all the nodes... That would be analogous to the cells of the human brain. Right?" My gods I love this woman. I bullshit something, and then she manages to turn it into pure gold.

I smirked slightly. "Bingo. So, now we have the hardware of the human internet. Right, Kazuto?" Aaaaaand, toss it right back to his court.

"Right," he said, rejoining the conversation. "But then, what's the content?"

Shino frowned in thought for a moment before saying, "It's what's flowing through the structure, isn't it? The data that's being transferred. Which, in the mind... the electric signals?"

Kazuto nodded. "We can use that, sure. The essence of the network is probably more how they go along the structure and communicate the information."

"So," I said, waving in the air. "Now that we know what the essence of the Internet is, what's the essence of the mind? Carry along the metaphor, and it's theoretically whatever data is being transferred. The electrical pulses between cells, in other words." You know, when I first started this job, I didn't expect high school biology to be a major part of my _computer_ job. "So how do we capture that?"

Kana grinned. "And that's where modern science has been unable to keep going."

"Exactly." I grinned knowingly and leaned back. "But this is where RATH is trying to be pioneering and... okay, fuck it, I don't even care about being smug and knowledgeable."

Kana raised her eyebrow at me. "Who are you and what did you do to Nick?"

"Bleh." I stuck my tongue out at her. "Anyway, there's all this quantum brain shit and theory and I couldn't care less. If you do, ask Kazuto later. The theory is kinda cool, but I haven't paid that much attention to it. Long story short, there's like a skull thing inside the brain cell, and inside that skull is a series of hollow tubes - really tiny tubes, like nanometers in diameter - and those tubes hold some tiny photon. The science guys call it an 'Evanescent Photon'. It's quantum. Like a cat in a box." I am like ninety percent sure this entire theory is bullshit but whatever, it works, I'm not asking questions.

Kazuto sighed with a grin and shook his head. "It's a little more complicated than Nick makes it sound. The photon's existence is quantum like he said, which means it's endlessly fluctuating according to probability theory." I'd noticed that Asuna's eyes were starting to glaze over a bit, so I'd sped things up a bit and snapped her out of it. Sometimes, I don't get why people need to overcomplicate things. "Those fluctuations... that's what the human mind is, according to the theory."

Shino shivered.

"Kirito," Asuna said, her eyes shining with a strange light, "the name of the machine is the Soul Translator, right? Soul... So, the collection of those lights is a human's soul?"

"They're overly dramatic," I said, shrugging. "The engineers at RATH call it the Quantum Field. They probably thought about it. _Anyway_ , we're getting bogged down in minutiae again. There's all this stuff the machine records in regards to the photons, but basically the collection of photons that acts as the computer's memory is what RATH calls the Fluctuating Light. Or, abbreviated...

"Fluctlight."

It looks cooler than it sounds.

"Fluct...light," Shino repeated, and then rubbed her arms. I kinda wanted to give her a hug - she looked a little shaken.

Beside her, Asuna hugged herself. "So, the machine that reads... No, it's translating it... That's what the Soul Translator does. But... the translation isn't just one way, right?" Shino tilted her head and stared at Asuna. "Think about it, Sinonon... The AmuSphere doesn't just read the commands sent to our bodies. It generates the senses for seeing and hearing and smelling... It creates the experience of a virtual world. It's the core of the technology, right? So the Soul Translator is the next generation of that, isn't it?"

"In other words..." Shino continued slowly, "it could write something into the soul of the person connected?"

At that point, all three girls turned to me and Kazuto. I sighed. "The STL - abbreviation of the Soul Translator, because gods know everything needs to be an acronym - is bidirectional, yes. It reads and translates the information in our mind, and does the same for the information being fed to us. If it didn't, we wouldn't be able to make a virtual world."

Kana frowned. "So. This is what's affecting the memory of the soul? You said that you don't remember anything that happens inside it, right? That means it's overwriting memory, or at least erasing it."

"Well, _technically_ , no," I said, and Kana let out a small sigh of relief. " _Technically_ it's just interfering with the path being used to create and or store memory - it's hijacking the signal rather than actually having access to the database. Same thing as the NerveGear or AmuSphere, really. We don't worry about mind control when we're playing… I mean, um…"

A shadow had crossed over Asuna's face, and I winced. Way to go, Nick, bring up one of the worst experiences in her life. Brother of the year, right there… "I mean, we don't worry about them leaving us paralyzed, even though it interferes with the signals to and from our brain." It wasn't smooth in the slightest, but it got us out of the danger zone. Without a word, Kana scooched her chair over and leaned against my side, and I got comfortable with a grateful murmur.

Asuna still looked worried. "But... I'm scared, Kirito, Nick. Something like manipulating memories... And this job of yours came from Chrysheight - no, Mister Kikuoka of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications, right?" She bit at her lower lip. "While I know he's not a bad person, I feel like his heart is surrounded by this dark cloud. I can't see into its depths... and the last person like that was Heathcliff..." My nostrils flared. Kayaba.

I didn't hate the man - it's hard to hate someone who could be my mirror image someday - but I could come close thanks to what he put Asuna and Kazuto through.

We all have our reasons for why we worked with the STL machine. For me, that was because it was a job. I was being paid to work on it, so I worked on it. No more, no less; I wasn't in it to make a difference, or save lives, or develop a new form of entertainment. I was in it because it was part of my payment to Kikuoka for ensuring Kana and I got into the school we wanted to go to, the one in America. I don't know why Kazuto was doing it, though.

I realized he was talking and tuned back in. "...although its functionality is entirely new, its architecture is based off of the Medicuboid."

Oops. Asuna let out a small shudder and held her head low. After that, she said, "I'm just worried. About what's inside the Soul Translator. What if it turns out like the NerveGear, and it's more than just a toy?"

I let out a quiet sigh. That was the crux of it, wasn't it?

Kazuto, on the other hand, just mimed gripping his sword and swung it down as he said, "No matter what, Asuna, I'll come back. This time, too. Even if I'm not as strong in real life."

"...Even though you're wide open without me at your back," Asuna said with a light smile. I'm pretty sure she was forcing it. "Really, Sinon, this man has so much confidence."

Shino grinned mischievously. "Well, we're talking about the Legendary Hero, after all." Just like me and Kana, she'd kept mostly silent during Asuna and Kazuto's tense conversation. "I read the Complete SAO Incident Report book that came out last month, by the way. It had some great stories..." She studied Kazuto and frowned. "But it's hard to believe that this guy's the same Black Swordsman in the book."

"H-hey," Kazuto said weakly, his smile twitching.

"Yeah, I know, right?" Asuna giggled and nodded. "It said that he was some amazing leader that influenced everyone. The records are accurate -"

"Of course they are, I submitted most of them," Kana sniffed.

"- but there's so much bias in the character description. Like when Kirito fought against the orange players..."

"Once I draw my other sword, the battle's over... for you!" Kana quoted, the three of them bursting into happy laughter.

Shino giggled. "And then there's Nick's lines from when you fought that one water boss on Floor Fifty. 'One in four fighters entering that boss room will not walk out of it again.' It's like they tried so hard!" They all started laughing again, and I just rolled my eyes.

Where Kazuto was the grand hero, the shining knight of the story, they'd portrayed me as the heartless and remorseless… well, tactician, ordering people to their likely deaths without blinking. While I couldn't really fault them for showing it that way – especially since most of the information I'd given them about my experiences was either the admittedly cold-blooded tactics from boss battles, or a dispassionate recounting of the people I'd killed – I wished they'd managed to do so without making me sound like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

"And the best part is," Shino managed to say after the three girls recovered from their latest laughing fit, "it's been translated and published in America. So Mister Hero is world famous now!"

Kazuto sighed and shook his head. "And after all the trouble I went through to forget about it..."

Shino smiled as he grumbled something about forwarding royalties. "Hey, Kirito, Nick. Getting back to the STL, doesn't it just do the same thing as the AmuSphere? Creating a VR world using polygons, and then sends the image and sound to the user? What's the point of spending all this money on another machine?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know the hardware end of it, or how all the world creation stuff works. Kazuto chatted with the engineers, they'd probably tell him. Another one of those ask him later topics, I think." Kazuto nodded. "Regardless, think of it this way. See the glass?" I held my glass of water, now empty, in my hand. When Shino nodded, I reached over and covered up her eyes with my hand. "You can't see it any more. Does it still exist in your mind?" I asked over her squawk of surprise.

"Of course it does," she said immediately. "I have object permanence, I know things don't disappear when I'm not looking at them. I remember it, even if the memory starts fading over time."

"Exactly," I said, leaning back triumphantly.

Only to have all three girls looking at me like I was insane. "What?" they all chorused.

"Kazuto?" I whined, looking over at him. "Explain in words, please?"

He smiled. "When we see the glass, or table, or even each other," he said to the girls, "that image - data - is stored in the sight section of the Fluctlight. Even if we close our eyes, it won't disappear right away. Otherwise we'd forget everything the instant it can't be seen. Basically, the Fluctlight is storing everything about the glass, so perfectly that even if we can't see it, it's been stored at a precision far beyond anything polygons can imitate. Or, to put it another way, it's exactly the same thing as the real glass."

"Yeah, but," Shino said, "that's just dealing with retention of consciousness, right? That's just messing with... memory..." She trailed off slowly.

"The AmuSphere shows us the polygon data," Asuna said quietly, "but the STL writes it directly to our consciousness... the short-term memory. It's not an artificial thing, it's actually... real."

I nodded. "It's real, alright. That's what this is for," I told them, waving my right hand at them.

"I still have my memory of my first test Dive using the STL," Kazuto said slowly. "It was just an empty space about the size of a bedroom, but... at first I didn't know it was the real world."

Shino's eyes widened. "That means... Kirito, could you be... still inside the STL machine? Even now? That all of us here are just your memories of us?" Automatically, I rubbed my thumb along the ring on my right hand. Before Kazuto could reply, though, Shino grinned. "That's ridiculous, though."

Kazuto just frowned and studied her. "Wai... S-stop," Shino said hurriedly, waving her hands. "I'm the real me!"

"If you're the real Sinon..." Kazuto said slowly, "then you have to remember what you promised me yesterday."

"P-promised?" Shino yelped.

"You offered to buy me as much cheesecake as I wanted, as thanks for calling me out today," Kazuto said seriously. I tried not to break a poker face, and saw that Kana was doing the same. The two of us met gazes for only an instant, but the amusement present in her eyes – and I'm assuming it was twinned in my eyes – almost broke both of us.

"E...ehh?! I never promised that! B-but I'm not an impostor, I'm the real one, right, Asuna?" Shino asked, looking to my sister for confirmation.

Only to be met with the dreaded puppy-dog eyes from her. "Sinonon... did you already forget? You promised to treat me to an all-I-can-eat dessert tart..."

"Ehhhh?!" Shino yelped. After a second, Kazuto's and Asuna's poker faces broke, and they let out small bursts of laughter. At that point, Shino's face was a treasure; she realized her plan had backfired horribly. "So, Nick, what's with the rings?" Shino asked me once the others stopped giggling, clearly trying to change the subject. "Are you and Kana the first to make it official?"

I glanced at my hands automatically; it'd only been a few weeks since I got them, so I wasn't a hundred percent used to wearing the rings yet. "Official? What do -" Oh. Like marriage. Even though neither were on the ring finger of my left hand. "No, we're waiting for Asuna and Kazuto to be first."

The named pair blushed and looked away. Kana just snorted. "Please, you know the second he has a stable job I'll be wearing a ring. Or maybe I'll save up and ask him, just for the novelty."

Shino glanced at me, and I just grinned innocently. I wouldn't put it past her, actually. "Heh. Anyway, tangent time to explain. Do you know why I find insanity so terrifying?" I asked her. "Why having a mental break is one of the very few things I'm genuinely terrified of?"

She blinked, obviously not expecting that. "Wow. Serious suddenly. Okay, uh, no, I don't."

"Because how can you tell?" I asked. She opened her mouth, and I stared at her. "Your mind is what determines what exists and what doesn't. There've been studies showing that people's health is influenced by their state of mind - patients struggle through what should have been fatal accidents through sheer will, for a quick example. So what happens when that mind turns against itself?" I shrugged.

"Let's say I'm insane. Don't you start," I snapped at the table at general, since literally every single one of the traitorous finks opened their mouth at the same time. "Actually insane, not just me-insane." Their mouths closed. "Good. Now, I'm insane. _I_ have no way of telling whether or not I'm nuts. I can't call someone up and ask them if the walls are bleeding, because no matter their answer I can't be certain I actually picked up the phone to call them. Am I feeling the hot blood under my fingertips, or has my mind decided to jump off a cliff and start making things up?"

There was a show I'd seen, once, where the main character snapped and beat his two best friends to death with a metal bat because he thought they were trying to kill him with a lethal injection. It made me feel sick to my stomach even though they got better – long story and unrelated to the subject at hand – because I know that I'm capable of that, if I wasn't in my right mind. "Am I seeing four-sided triangles, or circles with five hundred forty degrees, or tasting the color green? Is it reality or just a hallucination? I have no way of telling. The machine that parses reality is broken, and the only thing that can fix it is itself."

The others fidgeted uneasily under my near-manic stare. "Well, that's what the rings are for, basically," I said, letting my eyelids droop again. "With what the STL machine is doing, the virtual world is as close to the real one as possible. Our bodies are _real_ in a way that makes in nearly impossible to tell the difference between the two. I feel pain, I get tired and hungry and dirty, my hair grows, I have to use the bathroom. If only mentally, of course.

"So if the only difference between the virtual world and the real one is an arbitrary designation, well, that goes back to that whole conversation we were having before." I waved my hand; the scorpion ring on my index finger flashed in the light. It wrapped around my finger, tail pointing towards the middle joint and claws resting near the knuckle. A small blue gem made of glass was set where the main body would be, catching the light.

It was a little clunky, especially since I hadn't gotten used to it, but that was the whole point. "The ring itself doesn't matter, it's what the ring represents. If the ring is on, I'm in the real world, and if the ring is off I'm in the virtual one. I take it off every time before I Dive using the STL, and I've made sure to tell every technician involved with the process the same thing. That means there're three options: I wake up with the ring on, and it's the real world; I wake up with the ring off, and it's the virtual world; or I wake up with the ring off in the STL machine and immediately put the ring on." While it's possible for someone dedicated to tricking me to create a copy of the ring from my memories, I still wouldn't wake up with it on – the virtual body is created by asking the soul what the current state of the body is, and the soul would know I didn't have my ring on. Hopefully. It's not an exact science.

"That's actually pretty clever," Shino said, eyes wide.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't sound so surprised, Shino. I might act like I don't care about anything, and I don't, but that doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"So what's the one on the left hand for?" she asked. "If you only use the right to tell the difference."

I glanced at the ring on the middle finger of my left hand. It was a plain black band with the aces of each of the four suits inscribed on it in silver. "Oh, this? It's an Ace ring." She stared at me with a flat look. "No, seriously. See? The four aces."

"I get it," she said, interrupting my joke. "Because you're asexual." I just grinned. "Never mind, forget I asked. I forgot how much I hated that smug smirk of yours."

"Your words, Shino. They are an arrow aimed at my heart," I moaned dramatically. "And after I bared myself to you, hoping for the same in return."

She stared at me. " _How_? How do you _always_ make it sound dirty?"

I shrugged. "It's a gift." And practice and a lot of memorization of lines and possible straight lines.

"Anyway," Kazuto said slowly, "the world created by the STL technology is what we'd call a Real Dream, maybe..."

"That is how dreams work, though," Kana said. "It's something our mind cobbles together from memories and desires."

"Wait," Shino said suddenly, narrowing her eyes. "So you got paid to sleep three days straight, then. And you," she said, turning to me, "got paid to watch him?"

"T-that's what I said at the beginning, isn't it?" Kazuto asked her. "I didn't eat or drink for three days. I had an IV, but..."

I nodded. "And that's why he needed extra food. Speaking of, Kazuto, I'll cover the second plate." Or, rather, my boss will. "But yeah, he basically slept all weekend and got paid for it. And as for my job, I've been assigned to Kazuto for the next few days to make sure there's no ill effects he ignores or forgets to mention."

"Three days of continuous dreaming, huh..." Shino muttered with a sigh. "If I could dream that long, I'd love to finally be able to finish that cake. You know how it is, always waking just before you get to eat it?"

Kana nodded seriously. "Or when you're about to get a kiss, then you wake up." I blinked bemusedly at her. "Oh, don't give me that, Nick," she muttered, cheeks red. Don't give her what?

Kazuto just laughed. "It's too bad, because you don't get to remember what you eat during the dream anyway. Well, talking about all-you-can-eat cake every..."

He trailed off in the middle of the sentence and frowned. "What's wrong, Kirito?" Asuna asked, worried.

"...Cake... no, that's not it," he muttered, gesturing like he was eating something. "It's... harder, and salty... but it's delicious, what..."

I sighed. "Don't try to force it, Kazuto," I told him. "The techs said you might get flashes of memory from this Dive, remember?"

"Yeah..." He looked at me. "But I know it didn't taste like anything in reality."

"Is something like that possible?" Shino asked suddenly. "To eat something in STL that doesn't exist in reality? Since it's built from our memories, shouldn't the user not be able to see what they haven't seen, or eat what they haven't eaten?"

"Ah, that's right," Asuna added. "If that's how it works, then the virtual world from STL is very limited, right? Not like Aincrad or Alfheim."

I smiled. "Smart, ladies, very smart. This is touching on stuff that I'm not allowed to talk about, though... Hey Kazuto, what do you remember about the early Dives? Do you remember the Cat Room?" He barked out a startled laugh. "I'll take that as a yes. Anyway, the one mistake you made is..." I let the sentence trail.

"You never said that the memories came from the Diver," Kana said, eyeing me.

"Bingo," I said, pointing at her. While Shino and Asuna stared, I nodded. "Kana nailed it. It doesn't steal memories from Divers. Instead, it builds them itself. Back when Kazuto and I first started, it was in basic testing, so there was no memory restriction. One of the worlds was the Cat Room - hundreds of different cats, a lot of which couldn't exist in reality." I grinned slightly as Shino's mouth went slack for a second as she imagined the kitty heaven. We both shared a fondness for felines. …I will deny spending several hours in that room one weekend and anyone who says otherwise is a lying liar that lies. "There were ones that had wings and flew, some that curled up and bounced around... Things that couldn't possibly exist in the real world, and so couldn't be from someone else's memories."

"But if it came up with them from nothing..." Asuna said, "couldn't they... make an entire world from nothing?"

I hid my pleased smirk. They figured it out themselves, piecing together the information from public knowledge, and I didn't have to break any of the agreements I'd signed. I was _so_ going to rub this in Kikuoka's face later. While the girls all absorbed that little bombshell, I flagged Agil over and quietly paid the bill for the extra plate of beans and Kana's drink. I could do that much for them, at any rate, though Kazuto would still have to pay for the other two plates and the drinks. Besides, I'd be reimbursed by RATH once I submitted the report.

"A real world..." Shino murmured. Oh good, they've finished parsing it.

"But, Kirito, Nick," Asuna asked, "could the STL machine create a whole separate reality, a different world without a designer's involvement?"

"I don't think so," Kana murmured, fielding the question instead. "Most of the environment should be able to be generated, but spawning a large-scale town is probably out of the question. The residents won't know what to do if something breaks or if they need more room. But if they had a few hundred test players, and let them build the town from scratch... A civilization might be able to be developed."

"But that would take forever," Shino pointed out.

"That would be very time-consuming, though," Asuna said at the same time.

I grinned. "And this is where the second bit of weird voodoo magic comes into play. The STL has something called the FLA function. The human brain is, quite frankly, terrible at telling time. Have you ever been in a boring class and had thirty minutes pass like three hours? Or, for that matter..." I reached out and covered the phones on the table. "Without looking, could you tell me what time it is?"

Kana blinked, then narrowed her eyes as she realized what I was driving at with my question. "Um... four fifty?" Shino offered.

I revealed the phones; it was long past five. "Our perception of time is a bit flawed. Especially in dreams. We really only spend a few minutes in dreams that feel like they take two or three hours."

Kazuto placed his hand on the table and started tapping rhythmically. "The human brain has something the RATH researchers have called a thought clock control signal, even though they don't know exactly where it is."

"Clock...?" Shino repeated.

"It's what we mean when we talk about a computer's processing power. Typically in gigahertz," I provided helpfully. "The number of calculations it can do in a second."

Kazuto nodded. "Typically, it runs a little slower than listed, but..." Slowly he sped up the rhythm of his tapping. "When it needs to, it speeds up the operation clock. As the clock speed increases, so does the number of calculations per second. The same principle applies to the Fluctlight."

"Like how adrenaline makes us process things faster," Kana nodded. "Makes sense. So the STL taps into that somehow?"

I shrugged. "Don't ask me how it works, I call it weird voodoo magic. Regardless, the FLA - Fluctlight Acceleration - lets the STL user experience time much faster. So, three days might feel like nine or ten."

In reality, it was much, much faster - but it had been locked to just three-ish times normal rate, as far I was aware.

"I wonder what you were doing in a world like that, Kirito," Asuna mused. "Can you take real world memories in with you? And were you alone, or were there other testers?"

"Just him," I said. "As for the real world memories, I'm not sure why he couldn't bring them, but I think it has something to do with not contaminating the test." Makes sense to me. "What I can tell you is the name of the virtual world he was exploring, though:

"Underworld."

The girls were unimpressed. "It sounds... depressing..." Kana said. "Like it's a gloomy cave or something like that."

"Full of bats?" I asked her, smiling faintly. She always hated seeing those mobs in Alfheim. It made fighting vampires fun.

"Bats and dark corners."

"It's dark and you're likely to be eaten by a grue?"

"How do you even know that reference?"

"Because I'm not a filthy heathen that only plays games with pretty pictures? The classics are called that for a reason."

"Meh, I prefer having graphics."

As Kana and I had our little back and forth conversation, Shino seeming to get dizzy as she turned her head to each of us in turn, Asuna tapped her chin. "Maybe the name comes from Alice, too."

"Alice...?" Kazuto murmured.

"Yeah," she continued. "Since RATH's name comes from Alice in Wonderland. The original title was Alice's Adventures Under Ground."

Shino let out a soft snicker. "Maybe Kirito had a tea party with the March Hare or played croquet with the Queen of Hearts."

I wasn't listening – well, I was, if only to make a half-formed snarky mental joke about Shino being the Cheshire Cat, but not enough to comment. I was too busy watching Kazuto; he was staring at the table and frowning, deep in thought. "Hey, Kazuto," Kana said, snapping her fingers. "Doing okay in there?"

"N-no... It's just that... when I heard Alice... I felt like I'd forgotten something important..."

I shrugged. "Eh. Probably just something from the Underworld." Then I blinked. "Actually, no, wait... Alice..." I closed my mind and tried to remember. What was it... Artificial... something Intelligence... No, I'd lost it. "Never mind." It was something I'd heard mentioned absently by the people at Roppongi. Since it wasn't part of my regular duties, I didn't pay all that much attention.

"Maybe it's something you remember from the experiment?" Kana mentioned.

"Didn't you say all the memories were removed, though?" Shino asked.

"It's not an exact science," I told her. "Weird voodoo magic, remember?" She just rolled her eyes at me. "Seriously though, some bits probably slipped through. It's a good thing that the memories are removed. Kazuto's living an extra few days in the year, so he's getting older faster. If he remembered all of that…"

"I wouldn't... mind that," Asuna said, blushing slightly. "It'd be like the gap is narrower." Right, she was a year older than Kazuto.

"Still, it felt weird this morning. Like it'd been a long time since seeing the town, or seeing the TV shows," Kazuto said slowly. What was going on with the Underworld? "I don't think it's anything to worry about, but..."

"Kirito, I think you should stop doing this part-time job," Asuna said, leaning forward to put her hand on his. "It's putting a burden on your body."

"Don't worry," I sighed. "The final test for it is starting next month. Besides, the continuous testing period was pretty much the last hurdle to clear, so it's just fixing up odds and ends."

"Hey," Shino grumped, "don't remind me of tests. Just because you and Kana are out of school doesn't mean the rest of us are." I just grinned mockingly.

"Why don't we study together sometime?" Asuna suggested. Then she glanced at the clock on the wall. "Ah! It's almost six!"

Yeesh. Took longer than I expected. "Well, Kazuto, if you could go settle the rest of the bill, we'll get going," I said, stretching and standing up. "We can talk BoB tactics while we're leaving."

"I don't feel like using anything but a lightsaber, though," Kazuto laughed.

Shino sighed. "I keep telling you, it's a light sword."

Kazuto laughed as he headed over to the counter; the rest of us grabbed our stuff and headed out. Shino was the first out, grabbing her umbrella and stepping outside. I was right behind her, which meant I was the one that almost ran into her when she stopped all of a sudden. "Something wrong?" I asked her quietly. She wasn't shaking, so it wasn't anything like a panic attack... A small twitch ran down my spine as I clenched my fists, ready for anything.

"No, it's nothing," she laughed after a second. "Just felt weird for a second."

I shrugged, letting my body relax. At least the rain had stopped, though judging by the sky it was going to start again before nightfall. Kana and I were headed in the same direction, so we waved goodbye before heading off away from the others.

The walk was peaceful; it always was, after a rainfall. At least I wasn't getting rained on this time.

It was about, oh… five, ten minutes later when my phone chimed and I smiled. I haven't heard that chime for a while. "Hey, Dad?"

I fished out my phone and glanced. "Hey, Din. Sorry I haven't been around much, work's been a bi-iiiit of a problem," I corrected hurriedly at Kana's glare. Oh come on, he'd heard me swear like a sailor in Alfheim.

He grinned. "No, it's fine. Actually, I was just letting you know you got a weird message on the forums..."

I raised an eyebrow. "What kind of weird message?"

"I… really think you should see for yourself."

I shrugged and glanced at it.

Then I went very, very still.

"Kana," I breathed. "Go to my house immediately. Take the spare key in with you. Lock the doors and windows, and then don't let anyone in without verifying who they are. Treat intruders as armed and dangerous. Lethally so."

"Nick?" she asked. "You're scaring me."

I hissed out a breath of hatred. "I don't have time to explain. I might be too late as it is. Please, Kana, just go."

She studied me, then nodded. "Okay. I love you. And make sure you come back."

"I will. Love you too."

As she moved forward with purpose, I slipped the scorpion ring off my finger and dropped it in my pocket. Then I turned and bolted down the street. I had to make it in time. Gods, let me make it in time.

Damn that message. It was so stupidly simple, too. Just a picture of my house and of Kana's house. The message body was simple too. 'Such a lovely life, Rythin. I think I'll start by killing the Black Swordsman. Then you. Then I'll take my sweet time with your sweet girlfriends. Johnny Black.'

Arrogant Laughing Coffin bastard. He sent that message to taunt me. He wants me to try to save them and fail. He wants to play a sadistic game where I can't win.

I'll kill him before he touches them.

"Din," I snapped as I tore down the street, heedless of whoever might see me or get in my way. "Initiate Contingency 'Johnny Black'. Destination is Asuna's current location."

"Acknowledged," he reported in a clipped staccato. "Deactivation phrase?"

"...'A very merry unbirthday'," I said, my voice tense. Needed to focus on breathing so I wouldn't be exhausted if I made it.

Din was silent for a second. "Phrase accepted. Contingency initiated." A pause. "Dad? He threatened you and Mom. _Gut the bastard._ "

I just grunted out something and lowered my head, trying to pour on speed. "Direct me."

"Take a left at the next intersection and then go straight after that," Din said.

I let the scenery blur past me as I followed his directions. Damn it. I'd been stupid. Shino had frozen because she'd sensed bloodlust. That meant Johnny Black had been watching us in the Cafe for a long time. He must be following Asuna and Kazuto. He was going to attack Kazuto. I had to stop him. Or kill him.

I was going to kill him.

Equipment. What do I have? No dagger. No knife. Nothing bladed. Bare hands, then. Ring, band on left. Johnny Black specializes in poison. He still has the Death Gun or he wouldn't assault us. Consider him armed and willing to kill.

Going to kill him.

I ran.

 _Kill him._

I ran.

And then I arrived at the scene.

Just as I reached the commotion, I heard it. A soft sound, just like the sound a soda let out when it was opened. I'd heard that sound before. When the boy attempted to murder Kazuto.

The shaft of Kazuto's umbrella had stabbed into the base of Johnny Black's right thigh. Possible artery struck.

And the syringe in Johnny Black's hand was pushed against Kazuto's left shoulder.

The boy had attempted to kill Kazuto. He failed.

The man succeeded.

For an eternal instant, time stopped and I considered the situation with an icy cold clarity. Kazuto was injected with a drug. There was no chance Kazuto could survive without immediate emergency medical attention. I wasn't trained to provide immediate emergency medical attention. I could kill the man. I was going to kill the man.

The instant ended.

Kazuto toppled backwards, falling backwards into the road violently. I crossed the distance between me and the man faster than I'd ever moved before, totally silent.

My arm caught the bastard around the throat as he started toppling backwards, and I threw him to the ground. His head hit the pavement with a delicious crack, and I immediately followed through, slamming my fist into his face. His nose squished and let out a spray of crimson blood.

The man was laughing madly as I set about beating him to death. I struck at the vulnerable parts of the body - the face, the solar plexus and stomach. Striking bone was inefficient, as the bones that make up the hand will break before the bones that make up the ribcage. Instead, aim for painful blows to inflict as much injury as possible. If possible, inflict bleeding wounds to sap strength. Once target is neutralized, utilize environment to damage and possibly destroy skull.

Suddenly he moved like lightning and his arm flicked out. I stared in stunned confusion as his hand struck my upper arm. There was another of the soft hissing sounds, and fire bloomed in my arm.

He'd used the second syringe on me. Stupid. I'd forgotten about that.

I had thirty seconds at rest before the drug kicked in. Less in actuality because my heart rate was accelerated. Assume three seconds for the drug to reach the heart, then five seconds to pervade entire bloodstream. The dosage is high, so effect will kick in in under five seconds after that. Timeline, approximately ten seconds, fifteen at best.

So I punched him in the throat. Straight down, with all of my weight.

Then I pushed myself backwards and collapsed, staring at the cloudy sky.

The ringing in my ears stopped finally, and I could hear the sound of the man gagging as he attempted to breathe with a crushed throat. I could hear Asuna sobbing as she knelt by Kazuto and talked to someone. I'd look but I couldn't move.

But the man would suffer before he died. And if he didn't die, he would _never_ escape the consequences of killing Kazuto.

Probability of the man's death is less than one hundred percent. Sacrifice… was unacceptable… "Sorry, Kana…" I breathed, the first sounds I'd made since arriving. "Broke… promise…" I needed to reduce heart rate to extend survival time.

Asuna was saying something - I could hear emergency sirens. Din had called them as soon as I initiated the man. Too late, though. I wasn't going to make it. I felt them loading me onto a stretch and carrying me. I just felt so heavy, though... I tried to breathe, but I couldn't.

I couldn't do anything.

There was shouting.

I needed to breathe. Needed to breathe and move. I struggled to breathe but my chest wouldn't move.

I was going to die and that scared me. I was never going to see Kana again and that _terrified_ me.

 _No._ Absolute rage filled me and wiped away the icy terror. I tried to struggle; I tried to move, sit up, do anything. My muscles betrayed me and refused to move. I wanted, forced myself to breathe, but nothing happened. I'd be writhing as my oxygen ran out except I couldn't move.

No. No! Nonononono…

…

* * *

 **OH DAMN**

 **IT'S HERE**

 **And we're kicking it off with a 15k chapter. Let it not be said I don't spoil you all. (You might have also noticed the 'Book One' in the title. That's because my tentative outline for all of Nightblade 4 is running at least 70 chapters, if not more. I'll be breaking it up so that this thing isn't a million words long.)**

 **Anyway, welcome to Nightblade IV! I promised you jerks, right? Nick doesn't know everything about Underworld because, like he said, he's working on a smaller side project. He knows a bit about how the STL tech works, but at the same time he can't actually explain a lot of it, since, well, NDAs and shit. Also because he doesn't care too much about how the black box works, so long as the black box works. He's still an intern there, after all, even if he's on break, and he's not a legal expert so he's playing it safe. That being said, he doesn't** _ **really**_ **care how the tech works (everything he knows was picked up by osmosis and/or bored reading of technical manuals) just so long as he can program in it.**

 **Another of Nick's fears is revealed – going insane (or, more generally, not being in control of himself). It's kinda strange, given that Nick self-admits to being completely nuts, but that's the difference. Nick's particular malfunctions don't (often) interfere with how he parses the world, aside from assuming that everyone is watching him and waiting for him to make a mistake. He prides himself on his mind, so losing that is terrifying. Really, the only other thing he's terrified of (which is different from fear – Nick's scared of plenty, like sudden noises and the dark and not seeing what's coming and insects) is being alone. Being left behind.**

 **And yes, he does memorize innuendo and suggestive lines, and the possible straight line situations in which they'd be useful. Mainly for situations exactly like this. It goes more or less like 'Shino takes a drink from my glass or from Kazuto's glass - Steal the glass and deliberately sip from where she did', and 'After explaining something personal, Shino makes a snarky dismissive comment - Reply with "And after I bared myself to you, expecting the same in return!"' (A lot of these are to reply to Shino, since that's kinda the relationship between Nick and Shino. Nick pretends to flirt with Shino, Shino pretends to aggressively hate him, but both of them care deeply for the other underneath it all.)**

 **Nick's Contingency plan is something I'd had planned for a while, ever since Din became a major character. It's something entirely within his character, especially knowing Johnny Black was a major threat, to create a plan to deal with it; that's ninety percent of the reason he always does so well in planning, because he's** _ **always**_ **planning for as many situations as he can think of. Of course, it's also entirely within his character to ignore Johnny Black as a threat until it was too late. For what it's worth, a good lawyer could likely get Nick off of any homicide charges, given the threat against him and his as well as the actual (and successful!) attempt on Nick's life. Whether you feel he was in the right or not, he's stated before how far he was willing to go in order to protect Kana and the others. (You'll remember he was a few heartbeats away from killing Kyouji last story.)**

 **Poor, poor Kana. Nick screwed up, and now she's going to lose him. The rest of the story is going to be from her point of view as she copes with his death.**

 **Oh, and if anyone's wondering: this is just the prelude. The real story starts next chapter. So we'll go over the ground rules then, okay? Okay!**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 1**

 **Sometime in late April**

It was a nice day out, and I was briefly considering just going outside and flopping down on the grass. Asuna's house did have a nice lawn... But I was here to help Asuna with her schoolwork while her mother was off doing something else, not goof off. I shook my head and glanced over at Asuna, expecting her to be working on the latest problem set, only to find her studying me with a speculative look. "What's up?" I asked her. "Need something?"

"No..." Drawing the word out, she reached out and grasped my hair, tugging slightly as she twirled her finger in a lock of it. "Just noticing that you could use a haircut, is all..."

"A bit random..." I replied slowly. Ever since the end of March, Asuna had initiated casual contact a lot more often. Nothing that would put me on Kazuto's shit list, naturally, but things like resting her hand on my shoulder or bumping my shoulder with her own as we walked down the school hallways. I'd gotten used to it, and even looked forward to it from time to time. "Are you bringing this up because you want to take a break?"

She glanced down at all the papers scattered across her table and sighed. "It would help. Not that you're not helping, it's just... the numbers are swimming in my head and I'm not thinking straight." She stood up, stretching. "While we take a break, I'll cut your hair."

She can do that? "You can do that?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course I can," she said with a smile.

She didn't elaborate, so I just shrugged. "I guess..." I'd been meaning to get a haircut ever since January, but I just kept putting it off. It was pretty shaggy by this point.

"Don't worry," she said soothingly, probably mistaking my silence. "I won't screw it up, and it'll just be a trim anyway."

I shrugged and stood up, letting her drag me off. The worst that could happen was that I needed to schedule an emergency haircut. And besides, spending time with Asuna was never a bad thing.

 **Oh hey mood whiplash what's that?**


	2. Assassination Time

**Chapter 2: Assassination Time**

* * *

I suppose that theoretically there could be worse classrooms out there. I mean, theoretically anything was possible, in the same way that theoretically the sun might rise in the west tomorrow, or that theoretically I might someday be a productive and useful member of society.

The point I'm making is that Class 3-E wasn't exactly the most conducive learning environment, at any rate.

An air of tension hovered over the class like a thick fog. Everyone's faces were covered in shadows as they waited with bated breaths - at least, I'm assuming they were covered in shadows, I wouldn't know since I was sitting in the back. All in all there were twenty-five others in the class, four rows of six in front of me and then one thuggish-looking idiot to my right. We were all waiting in silence for the teacher to arrive.

A sudden boom rocked the room and I glanced out the windows to my left; I saw a girl with green hair doing the same thing. There wasn't anything out there, though, just the blue skies and tops of trees. Pretty much anything you'd see at the top of a mountain.

Tension rose as a soft slithering sound slowly swelled - heh, alliteration - and I heard a few people swallow nervously. Amateurs. The best way I've found to calm my nerves is to imagine a cold, frozen wasteland, where nothing exists but a chill wind. It freezes my core and leaves me feeling nothing, nothing at all.

The door slid open, and I shifted my glasses. There was exactly zero percent chance this was going to work, so I might as well take the time to learn.

"Alright, people," our teacher said, walking to the podium and placing the attendance roster on top. "Let's get started, shall we?" he asked, yellow tentacles waving wildly in the air.

Yep. Tentacles.

The teacher looked like, well, a giant yellow octopus with a beach ball for a head. His tiny eyes and massive grin, combined with the absurdly wide tie marked with a crescent moon and black robes, served to make him look like a cartoon character come to life, and the tiny graduation cap on top of his head just added fuel to the fire. "Class monitor, if you would do the honors?" he asked, the tentacles making this bizarre sound. Somehow, despite his voice carrying easily, his mouth never moved and his grin never wavered.

"Right!" the blue-haired kid next to Green Hair said, standing up. I'm still not sure if the kid is male or female, though given the pigtails I'm leaning towards female. "Ready!"

As one, every student in the classroom stood up and aimed some sort of firearm at the octopus. Most had some form of assault rifle, though a few used pistols - I'm sure if Shino were here she'd be able to rattle off what models the guns were based off of. Since my sister was sadly absent, all I knew was that pretty much every single gun that wasn't a pistol was full auto. As for me, I didn't bother taking aim with a gun. "Aim!"

For a frozen heartbeat, nobody moved. The octopus was still, his two hand tentacles finally not waving, and the students in front of me were holding their breath. "Fire!"

The next instant was _noise_. Well, that's to be expected with twenty-five people all firing towards the front of the room. A veritable wall of pink pellets streaking towards the teacher... and then the octopus blurred and vanished. No, he didn't vanish... He was just moving so fast all I could see were its afterimages. Rather impressive. "Oh! Oh my!" the octopus shouted. "Well, why don't I call roll while you children wear yourselves out? Isogai?"

I'm not sure over the sound of gunfire, but I think some guy responded.

"What's that? I'm afraid I couldn't make it out over all the gunfire," the octopus shouted. His tone was condescending and a little patronizing.

"Here!" Yep. That was a guy's voice.

"Okajima?"

"Here!" Another guy.

"Okada?"

"Here!" A girl this time.

"Kataoka?"

"Here!" Another girl. Some people were starting to have to reload their magazines. And no wonder; the floor was starting to get littered with the pink pellets that the students were firing at the teacher.

"Kayano?"

"Here!" Oh hey, that was Green Hair. So, her name was Kayano? Neat.

"Kanzaki?"

"Here!"

Before long, the rollcall had ended and the other students had run out of ammo. Fortunately, however, the sun had finally come out and lit up the gloomy room - which mainly served to illuminate just how _yellow_ this teacher was. "Excellent, all present and accounted for," the octopus said, closing the roll book with a snap. His face made this strange ding-dong sound like we'd won something on a game show, and changed color; the smile was the same, but the face was orange with a reddish ring around it, again something you'd expect on a gameshow. What was interesting was that the tentacle it used as a hand didn't change color. "No tardies! Congratulations!"

"He's fast," the blonde girl next to Blue Hair said. I'm pretty sure Blue Hair's name was Shiota - oh, right, I remember now, she told us to call her Nagisa - and Blonde was Nakamura.

A black-haired boy said, "The whole class opened fire and he doesn't have a scratch."

Well, not the whole class. I'm going to have to get a list of names at some point - it'll be useful to know who my fellow assassins are.

Yep, that's right. I'm an assassin. And my target... is my teacher. "No luck today either, eh?" the octopus said, poking his hand tentacle at us with a squishing sound. "That's really too bad. What's the lesson here? Numbers are no substitute for inventiveness, perhaps? That any hack can point a gun and pull a trigger? Some of Column A, some of Column B? I get that you're trying to cast the net as wide as possible, so to speak," he continued, waving a tentacle, "but the approach lacked originality. When the target clocks in at Mach 20, an assassin has to think outside the box."

"Heh, right, Mach 20," an orange-haired boy up at the front said, pointing a finger at the octopus accusingly. "No freakin' way you dodged that hail of bullets!"

"He's got a point," another guy said, picking one up and peering at it. "These are only BBs, right? For all we know, you just stood there and took 'em like a champ."

The comment triggered the rest of the class, who started complaining at the teacher. I could kinda see where they were coming from. I mean, they were just pink pellets like the guy said, so the worst that could happen would be someone shooting out an eye. After a second of listening to the class's rabble-rabble-rabble, the octopus sighed. "Collect the ammunition and bring it here," he ordered, his tentacle reaching out to take a gun from one of the nearby girls. "As was explained, these are Anti-Me BBs. Harmless to you, but..." He pointed the gun at his other tentacle and pulled the trigger.

With a spray of yellow goop, his tentacle was severed and went flying. My eyes widened slightly at the confirmation of their effectiveness. The rest of the class reacted in vocal shock. The severed limb started flailing around like a landed fish. "...able to split my cells like a knife through warm tofu," the octopus said. "Developed by your government for that express purpose. Of course, after a few seconds, I can regenerate good as new." A heartbeat later his amputated arm suddenly sprouted a new hand-tentacle.

"A luxury you won't have if you accidentally shoot your eye out. From now on, no discharging guns in the classroom. Safety first!" His smile widened, curling up around his face as the yellow became striped in green. The bastard was looking down on us. Mocking us. I'd like to see him mock me when my knife was buried in his – the octopus looked my way and I glowered silently, trying not to think about it. His grin widened. "And good luck killing me before graduation. You're going to need it~. Firearms and Anti-Me ammunition away, please, it's time to get to work."

Groaning, the students started collecting the guns and sweeping the all-but-literal carpet of Anti-Octopus bullets. What fun.

Kunugigaoka Junior High, Class 3-E. The Assassination Classroom. The bell rings, another day begins. "Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," the octopus laughed.

Yes, that was _Junior High_. As in, 9th Grade. As for why I'm in that class? That's a long story.

We were currently in the middle of English class, so I figure it's safe enough for me to space out. I mean, I'm literally bilingual, so it's not like I really have much to learn in this place - besides, I've already sat through these classes once in my life, so this is all review. "Okay, here's a puzzler for you," the octopus said as he finished writing a few sentences on the chalkboard. And that was another thing - blackboards. With chalk. How antiquated. Though I suppose they really can't help it. "Isogai!"

"...Uh, sir?" It was the black-haired kid up at front. Isogai. Memorized - I'll lock it to a face later.

"Which one of these four tentacles is the odd man out?" As he spoke, four more tentacles came out of the octopus's robe and poked at the blackboard, one on each sentence. The goal was to determine which sentence didn't use 'who' as a pronoun - or, rather, three of the four used it as a regular pronoun, while the last used it differently.

"Um... the blue one?" Isogai replied.

"Excellent!" the octopus shouted, his face making that ding-dong and orange color again. It seems that he can change the color of his body at will, not just limited to his face as his tentacles showed. Camouflage of some sort? "The boy _who_ is standing employs who as a relative pronoun!" He went on with his lecture, but I wasn't really listening.

I was too busy staring out the window at the crescent moon, visible during the day.

Well, looks like I'm gonna check out for the next hour or so... Might as well go over what I know about the situation so far.

…

I woke up disoriented and as such froze, keeping my breathing steady. I was unconscious for some reason, and I don't remember why. My memories were blurry... Absently, I rubbed my thumb along my finger and had to force down a flinch when I only touched skin. The ring had been taken off. That meant I was Diving. Why would I be Diving?

Let's go back over this one thing at a time. What was the last thing I remember? I was... I was at the Diner with Kana and Kazuto, then I was walking home with Kana when I got that messa - the message! Johnny Black attacked Kazuto, and I ran to save him. I must have been too late to save Kazuto...

I opened my eyes and flexed my fingers. The world felt _real_ in a way that could only be replicated by reality and the STL machine, and my ring was off. Therefore, I had to be in the STL. Given the fact that I was confronting Johnny Black, Contingency Johnny Black was active, and I was currently inside the STL, I'd hazard a guess that I managed to get injected with that drug too. Fucking lovely. Two injuries for Kikuoka to deal with means that one of us got the Underworld, while the other got... eh, they probably stuck us in the training sim I'd been working on. It was pretty much done, too.

Now, to figure out which one I'm in. I looked around, taking in the surroundings, and bit at my lower lip. There was a laptop sitting on the other side of the desk from where I'd been sleeping, so that meant I was in the training sim and Kazuto was in the Underworld. Hm.

Looks like some sort of teacher staff room in a log cabin... Standard issue filing cabinet, standard issue teaching books, standard issue laptop, mirror hanging on the oh what in the actual fuck.

The thing about what I'd been working on - well, a function of what I'd been working on, really, since I was just an intern - is that it read and simulated the real world body. Now, the body was just data and could be manipulated however was necessary.

In this case, it turned out 'necessary' meant 'turn me back into a 13-year-old.' Mother fucker. I was enjoying being 19, you shits. I glanced at the base of my left thumb while my right hand touched at my chest, and nodded. Both scars were present - the one I'd gotten from a pussy with sharper claws than expected, and then the one on my thumb where I'd been scratched by a cat as a kid. Double lovely.

Ugh. Well, I have to figure out - "Oh, you're awake."

I jolted and rose to my feet without thinking. It seems I had been in battle mode before this, which explains the pulsing rage and hatred running through me right now, but I should have heard someone enter. As my chair clattered to the ground behind me, I groped at my arm to draw a knife and... "Whoa, easy," the man said, raising his hands slightly. An animal part of me recoiled instinctively, and I shifted to a defensive stance. "If you'll come with me, I'll show you to your new class and your fellow assassins."

What.

...No, seriously, what? This guy seemed straight-laced, so I doubt he's lying to me, but... 'fellow assassins'? What?

Dubiously, I relaxed slightly and slowly walked toward him. This was likely the beginning of the training simulation, though I'm not entirely sure why I was thirteen again. I don't remember any of the scenarios being... this. Still, I followed the black-suit out into a hall that looked pretty run down; like the room I'd woken up in, it was made of wood. The walk was useful if only to adjust to the new body. I hate the fact that most of my growth came from later in high school. Back to being 5 foot 6 inches for me. Black-suit led me towards pretty much the only other door in the hallway, and I glanced above it. 3-E, hm? So this is where I'll be training. I shrugged and slid the door open and stepped through.

Then I immediately froze, mind whirling at a hundred miles an hour. Kids. Kids all wearing the same uniform, with small variations here and there. Some wore a gray jacket, some wore a blazer, one kid was wearing a vest. School kids, in other words, if the uniform was anything to go by. A uniform, now that I think about it, that I was wearing as well. I didn't have a tie though, thankfully. Fuck ties. But... Kids. They were kids. They _had_ to be AI students to flesh out the training, but why...

A few of them glanced my way, but the majority of the students just didn't care all that much from what I could tell. "Your seat is in the back, furthest to the right," Black-suit told me. I glanced at him, then at the seat. There were two empty seats in the back, third and fourth row respectively, and I nodded. No need to push things just yet, after all.

I took my seat, and got comfortable. At least I was in the back, so I didn't have to worry about people behind me. That was nice. Black-suit looked around, then went back outside the classroom, leaving the regular students to chat amongst themselves for a while. Nobody tried talking to me, which was fine. I had nothing I wanted to say to them.

Eventually, the door opened again and Black-suit came back, followed by two more black-suited folks. One guy was carrying a gun, which made me raise an eyebrow. What would he need a -

"Hello! How are you?" ...What. Why was there a round yellow thing talking to us. And when did he get in here. "So, I'm the one who blew up the moon!"

"Huh?" the entire class said simultaneously, all of us sounding confused.

He blew up the wait what. Hold the fucking phone. I'm... What. Okay. Oooookay. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I'll figure this out later. For now, study the... octopus-looking thing. Bizarro World, if you could start making sense sometime today that'd just be grand.

"Next year I intend to do the same thing to Planet Earth!" he continued blithely. "But never mind that now. I'm going to be your new teacher! Isn't that exciting?"

A stunned gloom fell over the class. _There are so many things wrong with this picture..._ I'm pretty sure the entire class had the same thought.

It was a very potent first impression.

"Um..." Black-suit was talking now, and I finally actually looked at him. The guy had black hair swept back in small spikes and eyebrows that just looked _severe_. "I'm Karasuma, I'm from the Ministry of Defense." Hng. And I was starting to like that guy, too. Damn. "What, uh, what I'm about to tell you is what we in the business call 'classified.'"

He heaved a sigh. "Ah hell, I'll just come right out with it. I'm gonna need you to kill this thing for the sake of mankind."

He kinda just... put it out there with no fanfare, no buildup, no nothing. So this is what it's like to work with a professional. The rest of the class stared at him and just kinda mumbled 'what?' under their breaths. "Um, excuse me," one kid said. His hair looked like a mushroom. "No offense, but is this a joke or something? Because if that's the alien who blew up the moon -"

"Ah-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-ba!" the alien yelped, starting to throw a temper tantrum in place. "I am an Earthling born and bred, thank you very much!" I know I shouldn't, given that the octopus is our target, but I smiled briefly at the thing's antics.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss the details at this juncture," Karasuma continued, stoic despite the wiggling tentacles immediately stage right. "I'll just say he's telling the truth. His threat is all too real, and as of this coming March... he will obliterate the Earth."

I blinked and studied the octopus a little closer. He didn't _seem_ like a world-ending threat, but then again I'd fought monsters that looked harmless until they ripped your giblets out with a happy smile. Fuck that floor in Aincrad, by the way. I'm pretty sure Kana still had nightmares about those pink bastards – I saw her flinch every time we passed by that toy shop in the mall.

"Apart from you, the only ones who know about this are world leaders. If word about this leaks out to the public," Karasuma warned us, "we'll have wide-spread panic on our hands. He must be terminated soon, and with _extreme_ prejudice. Which means that you..." he said, reaching into his inside jacket pocket.

Without any hesitation or warning, he turned and swung at the yellow octopus with a green knife. There was a blast of wind and the octopus vanished, appearing on the other side of Karasuma as the knife passed through the air where the monster had been only a heartbeat earlier. "...Must become... assassins!" Karasuma finished, turning to stab at the octopus.

Still grinning widely, the octopus blurred across to the other side of Karasuma again. "Now..." Karasuma growled, turning to stab again. He missed again, and this time the octopus was behind him "You'll notice he's incredibly fast!" He turned and slashed, but hit nothing but air. The octopus appeared behind him, holding a few random implements in his tentacles... and plucked at Karasuma's eyebrows.

What.

"And for some reason," Karasuma growled, "he likes grooming eyebrows!" He bent over in anger. The octopus turned bright pink, two spots of red on the cheek analogue. "Immaculately!" Karasuma shouted, turning to slash.

The wind was ridiculous, and I shielded my eyes with my hands. "You're looking at a being so powerful, he can obliterate over half the moon in _seconds_ ," Karasuma told us as the octopus stood there, looming over us. I felt my heartbeat start to quicken – it'd been so long since my last boss fight… "So fast he's been clocked at Mach 20. A world where he's allowed to live is a world waiting to be destroyed. Plain and simple."

"He makes it all sound so grim, doesn't he?" the octopus said, casually putting away his eyebrow grooming tools and clicking the case closed. No, I have no idea where he got it. "Cheer up! I've graciously made your government an offer. 'Stop making fools of yourselves trying to kill me,' I said," he continued, placing a tentacle on Karasuma's shoulder. The agent visibly glowered at the monster and started growling under his breath. "And let me teach Class 3-E at this illustrious institution!"

 _Seriously?_ I'm pretty sure the entire class was staring at him like he was insane.

"We didn't have much of a choice," Karasuma growled, still pissed off. "We have no idea what his motives are, but we agreed on the condition that none of you students would be harmed in any way. The advantage is two-fold - on one hand, we'll know his whereabouts a good portion of every weekday, which is something. On the other," he said, staring at all of us levelly, "he'll be in close range with thirty people with means and incentive to kill him." I'm assuming that thirty is a rounding, since there's only twenty-six of us at the moment.

…

I was jarred from my thoughts by the crack of a gun. Nakamura had stood up and fired at the octopus; unfortunately, the octopus had caught the pellet neatly between two pieces of chalk. "Nakamura! I distinctly remember saying 'No guns discharging in the classroom!'" he scolded, his head turning red with anger.

"I know..."

"Back row, young lady! Think about what you've done!"

She sighed but followed the order, trudging towards the back and leaning against the wall. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, but didn't say anything and went back to watching the blackboard.

Well, 'watching'. Thinking was more accurate. We really should have asked how in the hells a group of middle school students were supposed to kill this monster when the government wasn't able to scratch him. Well, I was justifiably distracted given that I was still disoriented from basically being murdered, and the others...

…

"Do the deed and you get... ten billion," Karasuma said. He was impressively stoic.

"WHAT?!" the class yelped, eyes wide. I just blinked. That... that was a lot of money. It didn't matter to me - given that I was just Diving - but holy hells that was a lot of money. Even the _virtual_ money was pinging my greed radar, and my greed has a direct line to my decision-making faculties.

"It's only fair," Karasuma said. "Kill him, save the Earth. If that doesn't deserve a life on Easy Street, then what are we fighting for?" The octopus's face was striped with green, his smile somehow mocking us. "He doesn't think you can do it. Use that. Green stripes indicate he's feeling superior. We... have some experience with it." Heh. Typical government agent. All talk, and then outsource the problem.

"Freaky," someone muttered.

"Truth be told, I'm not worried. The military couldn't kill me, why would anyone assume students could?" the octopus sneered. "After all, _you_ don't even have _fighter jets_!" Meh, I don't need fighter jets. I can fly with my own wings. Wait they tried fighter jets? "Hard to keep clean, fighter jets."

"What's with the cleaning fetish?" one of the girls asked him.

One of the assistants wheeled in a cart, while the other came in carrying a box. Both were labeled with S.A.A.U.S.O. Fucking acronyms. "It's on you," Karasuma told us, knife in hand. "Find the cracks in this smug bastard's defenses and exploit them. The weapons you'll be provided with are harmless to humans, but extremely fatal to him." What, is it some sort of negative matter weapon or something? That'd be dumb. "And it goes without saying, we need to keep this between us. The clock is ticking. Decide whether you'll stand for our home being blasted to space dust."

"That should just about cover it," the octopus said. "What do you say we hit the books and make the final year of your lives a productive one?"

…

Another damnable time limit. At least I knew when this timer was ending. If we can't find a way to kill this teacher, Earth will be history.

Honestly? I'll probably wake up from the simulation in that case. But did I want to wake up? If I was in the STL machine, that meant that I wouldn't wake up normally. Given that I was fighting Johnny Black, that meant the succinylcholine had caused heart failure - which means that I wasn't waking up because of brain damage. If I failed to complete the challenge, something might not come back properly.

Besides, failing would really bite.

Eventually, the morning classes wrapped up - finally. Those things were interminable - with a chime of the bell. "Oh! That's lunchtime, everybody," the octopus said. "Excuse me while I pop over to China for a quick bite. You have my cell number. Any killers feeling especially trigger happy today are welcome to hit me up." Normally, I'd think he was just going out to get Chinese food, but - I jerked back as he blasted off, leaving a gust of wind behind him. One of these days I'm going to get used to it.

"Okay, math," Nakamura mused. "If he's traveling at Mach 20..."

"It takes ten minutes tops to reach his favorite take-out place in Sichuan," Nagisa finished. Wait, the octopus was going out in public? I thought this was supposed to be a secret.

"So, just to be clear, we've absolutely ruled out missiles?" Not-mushroom orange-hair said. Um... Name, name, name... Mimura? No, that's someone else. Uh. ...Fuck it, I'll learn it later.

"Are you kidding?" Isogai asked. "Even if we had access to that kind of hardware, he can break the sound barrier."

"While grading!" Nakamura added.

"My homework even came back with a doodle on it," Isogai mentioned.

Nakamura shrugged. "All things considered, you have to admit he's not doing a bad job."

One of the smaller girls looked over. "I know, right?" I don't remember her name, but she had wavy orange hair. "He tutored me on algebra, and I killed it on our pop quiz the next day!"

"Yeah. Kind of a shame." Mushroom-Head's words caused the air of the classroom to shift. "We get our grades up just in time for the world to end."

"Well, college wasn't happening either way," Buzz-cut said, leaning back in his seat. Okajima, if I'm remembering right.

It was like a cloud went over the sun, shrouding everyone in shadow. It was a recurring theme with this class - one minute they're all rambling about how amazing this flying cephalopod super-monster is, how hard he is to kill, and how he's probably the best damn teacher they've ever had, and then the next they're sitting down, moping about because their grades are low. The thing about Class 3-E is that while on the surface they just look like regular middle school kids who totally aren't assassins, no really the knife sheath is just for style, underneath there's this pervading attitude of helplessness.

Well, whatever. Not my problem. My only real issue was trying to figure out how to kill that target. If the target were anyone else, I'd just try to go toe-to-toe with them, relying on my knife skills and hand-to-hand experience to win me the fight. Only problem with that is that my muscle memory is linked to my old body, not this new one, but that can be eliminated with enough repetition and practice. The real problem lay in my target's capabilities. The octopus was, in terms of Alfheim or Aincrad, designed to be theoretically beatable but functionally impossible. I swear he had eyes in the back of his head, and if you approached him from the front you might as well be pissing in the wind for all the good it would do you. Unless you had a method of dealing with the speed, there was no real way to handle it.

I'd been studying his behaviors and patterns, but I was nowhere near ready to start initiating contact of my own. I'd noticed that each failure made it harder to attack him that way; it was like dealing with a player that was already good at the game, but adapted to any type of damage immediately. Add the regenerative ability, and there's all but zero way for me to kill an enemy like that. Attempting something without being certain of success was just asking to lose whatever loophole I'd be using.

The only real thing keeping me from writing this off as a Sisyphean task was the rather blatant hints courtesy of the way the octopus's face changed colors. The default yellow was all but impossible to read, but the color changes made it almost trivial to read his mood. There was the angry red, the smug and dismissive green stripes, the bright red circle and dark purple cross he made when someone was correct or incorrect respectively, that pink color when he was pleased with himself and right after lunch, when he was digesting food.

With a monster boss having tells that obvious, there had to be some method of killing it, some gimmick to the fight, and I just -

"Hi!"

I blinked, coming out of my thoughts. The bright little chirp had come from Kayano, who for some unknown reason was bound and determined to hang out with me. For my part, I just acted as impassively above it all as I normally did, but she didn't let that phase her. I vaguely remember seeing Nagisa leave the classroom with that guy that sits to my right and a few of his cronies, which explains why Kayano is currently dragging a desk over to eat lunch with me instead of with her. "Hello," I said mildly.

Kayano didn't seem to notice my lukewarm reaction, taking a seat and chatting away about something or other. Normally I'd pay attention, but she was just a Fluctlight in the STL machine; I'd forget all about this the instant I woke up anyway, so why bother getting attached? Still, I suppose I could have brushed her off like I did most of the others, but...

Eh, I'm not sure why, really. I could just deal with her better. Better than the others in the class at any rate, the whining nerds.

"Kayano," I asked once she paused to take a bite of the pudding cup she had for lunch, "why is it that everyone here is so depressed all the time? I keep hearing them say 'We can't succeed, we're E Class', like that's supposed to explain something."

Kayano swallowed her mouthful and waved the spoon at me. "You don't know?" she asked. "But how'd you end up here then?"

"Extenuating circumstances," I said with a sigh. Then, when she just blinked at me in confusion, I continued, "It was a weird transfer thing. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, okay." She was remarkably calm about it. "Well, there's a reason this is called the 'E for End of the Line' Class. How much do you know about Kunugigaoka Junior High?"

I idly munched at the sandwich I'd made for myself. "Somewhere between 'It's a school' and 'I'm in Class 3-E.' Give me the five-minute rundown?" I glanced at the clock. "Or maybe just the thirty-second summary, we're running low on time."

"Well," Kayano told me, "we don't walk up this mountain every day just for the view at the top. We're the social rejects, the ones that weren't wanted." There was a strange, far-off look in her eyes. "The kids up here are the ones that couldn't hack it down with the other classes. We've got next to no chance of being productive members of society, which is why this is such a great opportunity for us. We kill our teacher, we get that money."

I nodded and hummed in thought, letting the matter drop gracefully. So, these were the outcasts, hm? The ones that couldn't make it, the ones that couldn't manage to function. Interesting. Why would we be the ones that are given this chance to kill that octopus? Well, no matter. It would prove to be important or not, and if I needed to know I'd learn.

For now, it seems that asking why someone they were in E Class was a relative taboo - the instant I didn't share, Kayano stopped asking. That's one class faux pas I've avoided, fortunately.

I finished up my meal and stood, stretching. I needed to walk around a little bit before classes started again; there was only so much time I could spend sitting still, and even then I found myself twitching now and then when muscles decided they wanted to spasm. If I burned some of this energy now, I'll be able to be a little bit more comfortable in class.

As I wandered through the halls, I let my mask drop a little bit. There was no chance anyone would see me, after all, because others were either back in the classroom eating their lunch, or outside. At least, that's where I assumed Nagisa and those three went. I wonder where they are? Are they planning something while the octopus is in China?

I wandered outside to see if the temperature was anything tolerable - it wasn't. Far too cold for my tastes - when I found the four wayward students. The ringleader had his arm around Nagisa, who looked a little uncomfortable. As I watched, he dug something out of his pocket before handing her a little pouch. Whatever was inside, it was probably some attempt at trying to kill the octopus. Then, laughing, the three guys wandered off, leaving Nagisa all by herself staring at the little drawstring pouch.

She was just staring at it for a while. "Planning something?" I found myself asking out of curiosity.

Nagisa jumped and then looked up at me. "I-I guess?" she stammered. "Terasaka didn't tell me anything, and I haven't looked inside yet. He just handed this to me and told me to man up. It's not my fault I look like this..." she sighed.

I blinked. Wait. Judging by the vest she was wearing, and how I'd seen all the other girls wearing a skirt while Nagisa was wearing pants... But on the other hand, her hair was done up in little wing pigtails, and she was wearing more hair ties on her wrist... "Wait, are you a guy or a girl?" I asked after a second.

"I'm a guy, thank you very much!" he snapped.

Oh.

Whoops. My bad.

"Ah, I see." The silence after that was a little awkward. I might have been able to ask a little more gently, but... meh. Tact was never my forte. That's why I had Asuna and Kana, after all. ...Apologies to Shino, but she's just as blunt and straightforward as I am... "...Um -"

As I was about to say something a meteor slammed into the ground behind Nagisa. The dust and wind almost blinded me for a second, and I shielded my eyes with a yelp. When it finally died down, I peeked over my arm and saw the octopus standing there, casually holding a missile over one shoulder. Nagisa had tucked the pouch into her - his pocket, hiding it from the octopus. I guess it really is an attempt to kill him after all. "Hello there!" the octopus announced cheerfully. "I'm back."

"Okay," Nagisa said. "Hi, sir."

"Hello," I said quietly.

"So what... what's with the missile?" Nagisa stammered.

The octopus looked at the missile for a second. "A souvenir from a strike force that tried to bring me down over the Sea of Japan," he said like it was just another event that happened on the way to school.

"Must be lonely, spending your life in the crosshairs," Nagisa said.

"Quite the opposite, actually!" the octopus said, raising one pseudopod. "Reminds me of how _amazing_ I am!"

I narrowed my eyes. Arrogant monster. He's looking down on us. On all of us. On me.

"Now then," the monster said, "inside for fifth period, please."

"Sure..." Nagisa murmured, hanging his head slightly.

I turned to watch as the yellow monster slithered past me. "Oh, and Nick?" he said, turning to grin that smug grin at me.

I blinked and plastered an innocent grin on my face, hiding my loathing at hearing my name from that monster's mouth. I'd been the one to say that the class could use my first name – it was easier that way. Less chance of me forgetting who I was; and besides, my last name _was_ kinda difficult to pronounce for some people. "Yes, sir?"

"You're welcome to try killing me at any time, you know. I know you didn't shoot at me this morning, and it would be too bad if someone else killed me before you had a chance," he said.

While from anyone else it might have been encouragement, it just pissed me off. In response, I let the viper slip just a little bit, feeling it curl around my body and slither down my arm. My left hand twitched toward the knife strapped to my leg. "Thank you for the offer," I said placidly, offering him a small smile. "But I'll just be watching and waiting... for now." This was probably a bad idea, revealing my bloodlust, but... he challenged me. And besides, it's not like I really manage to hide it all that well. My best bet is hoping that the general leak of unaimed bloodlust is enough of a smokescreen.

If anything, his smile got a little bit wider. Well, I've confirmed he can sense bloodlust, at least. Progress. "Excellent! I do hope you'll give it a shot soon." Nodding, he turned his back and started walking away. If that wasn't an opening, I don't know what was.

Which was why I didn't take it. He _gave_ it to me. I hadn't earned it. If I tried to take it, there was no way I'd be able to get close – not after he'd made a point of scolding the class this morning about putting forth effort and thinking outside the box.

Instead, I looked at Nagisa. He was just standing there. Doing nothing. Being invisible. Letting the monster overlook him until it was too late.

Clever. Very clever. He was the polar opposite of the monster... Where the octopus-thing was strong, powerful enough to make everyone pay attention to him, even if it was because they were trying to kill him, Nagisa was weak. I doubted anyone would expect him to amount to anything - he was in E Class, after all. And for that reason he was in the perfect position to kill our teacher.

Food for thought. My typical method of dealing with killing people that I've been asked to kill is to figure out their patterns and then use that to my advantage by knowing what move they were going to make before they made it, in a 'The next thing you're going to say is...' sense. In other words, I came into the fight holding all the cards and then proceeded to beat them down face-first. But this approach wouldn't work here, since the monster I had to kill was impossible to touch unless I assassinated him from the shadows. Where my bloodlust used to be an advantage, it was now a crippling disadvantage.

But that was something to worry about later. I took a deep breath and wrestled the viper back under control, or as best as it could be. For now, I have to go suffer through fifth period.

And suffer really was an accurate phrase, more's the pity. "Ooo-kie dokie," the monster said as he finished writing on the chalkboard. "Your assignment this afternoon is to compose a short poem. The final line should read, 'Was tentacles all along.'"

"Huh?" the entire class chorused. Well, I wasn't feeling too confident about writing this in the first place, but let's just make things more difficult for no reason whatsoever. Sure. Why not.

"Excuse me sir," one of the girls asked diffidently. "Really?"

"Really," confirmed the monster. "When you've completed the assignment, kindly bring it forward. You will be graded on creativity, grammar, and overall beauty of expression."

Well tits. I have exactly zero creativity when it comes to writing things - all I know how to do is write according to the rules. As for beauty of expression... bwahahah. Thirty percent isn't bad, I guess.

"Here's an example! 'Not the storm of garden snow / Of flowers moving on / But sprouting there instead / Was tentacles all along.'"

"Yeah, because that makes a whole lotta sense," Isogai sighed. "Sheesh."

The monster beamed. "You may go home once you're finished."

Oh what the fuck. "What?" everyone complained.

"But sir," Orange Hair Girl said, "'Was tentacles all along' -"

"...Should get those synapses sparking and the imagination slithering!" the monster finished, far too pleased with himself. "Aa-blblblblblblblblblblbl!" he noised, wiggling his tentacles around wildly.

"Could you please knock that off!" Orange Hair Boy snapped. I really need to pay attention during rollcall tomorrow, if only so that I know who I'm not giving a shit about.

"Um, sir? Question," Kayano asked.

I had been watching for it, and it was there; for an instant, the octopus turned pink before turning to answer her question. He hesitated. "Of course! Fire away, Kayano."

"Do we always have to call you sir?" she asked. "You haven't given us your name and I think we need one. I mean, it'd be kinda awkward if we don't call you anything, right?"

No. No, stop. What are you people doing? You don't name what you're trying to kill. Farmers don't name the livestock they raise to slaughter. It's because once we've named it, we've given it an identity in our minds, forged a bond between it and us. Naming this monster will just make it harder to kill eventually.

"Ah..." For the first time, I saw the monster at a loss for words. "Well now..."

"Oversight," one kid murmured.

"Yeah, a little bit," his neighbor whispered back.

The monster scratched at his head. "Hm... Trouble is, I don't have the sort of name you just give to people. Why not pick one for me?" Hhhhhh... This was a mistake I was going to have no part in.

"What could go wrong?" Orange Hair Boy said, sarcasm thick in his voice.

"Just focus on meter and syntax," the monster assured Kayano.

"Kaaaay."

The monster shifted slightly, his smile growing dopey. "I'll just take a short break while you take up your pens," he sighed, his color slowly turning to the relaxed pink.

I saw Nagisa shift, and I exhaled slowly, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of me. If Nagisa attacked, I could _try_ to strike in the wake of whatever strategy failed. On the other hand, the octopus would definitely be on guard if I came close.

I didn't have much time to think about the dilemma, because Nagisa stood up from his seat. "Guh... Seems the muse favors Nagisa," the monster observed. To my right, the thug - Terasaka, I think Nagisa called him - laughed under his breath, and in front of me to my left Kayano started; I leaned over slightly to look, and I saw the knife he was holding, hidden by his paper. Please, a knife? If that would have killed him, I would have tried it the first day we were let loose.

I understand why he chose now to strike, at least. The strange question Kayano asked had thrown off the monster, and the color of his skin and tentacles was pink. He was at his most distracted right now, and we wouldn't get another chance at it. What interested me was the way Nagisa was just calmly walking up to hand in his assignment, like he wasn't about to just try to kill our teacher. It made sense, though; these kids were the invisible ones, the ones that slipped through the cracks. I had never really paid attention to them before this, because academic success came easily to me, but in their case this has to be a skill they all learned to survive. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down, after all.

A heartbeat.

Nagisa grabbed his knife and lunged, moving rapidly; it was impressive the way he just exploded into action like that. The knife point was aimed straight for the octopus's face. Suddenly a crash rang out, obscuring everything with dust, and when it cleared I narrowed my eyes. The monster had caught Nagisa's arm with plenty of room to spare. "What did I say about thinking outside the box?" he scolded as he took away Nagisa's knife with a tissue.

That was when Nagisa jumped forward, wrapping his arms around the monster's neck. As the monster changed color to yellow, clearly startled, the object that had been inside the pouch was revealed. A grenade, hanging around Nagisa's neck. "Uehh?!" the monster gasped.

Beside me, Terasaka grinned nastily and pressed a button.

Nagisa exploded.

All of us ducked our heads and took cover from the hail of Anti-Octopus BB pellets flying through the room. After the explosion finished, there was a beat of silence. "Yeah!" Terasaka roared, throwing his fists in the air. There was the smell of cooked octopus. Mm. Now I'm hungry.

Kayano gasped and covered her mouth in horror and shock. "Nagisa?"

"Yeah, we're gonna be billionaires!" one of Terasaka's flunkies - the one with the brainless grin - exclaimed as the three idiots ran up to the front of the class.

"You jerks!" Isogai snapped.

"What the hell have you done?" Orange Hair Guy yelled at them.

Honestly, this wasn't a terrible plan. The only issue was that... I sniffed and nodded. Yep, that was the smell of sulfur, alright - I'd spent enough time with Shino that I knew what it smelled like. That grenade had gunpowder in it. "Hah! Never saw a suicide bomber coming, didya?" Terasaka crowed, staring at the smoking remains of the octopus.

"Terasaka!" Kayano demanded, standing up from her seat. "What did you make Nagisa do?!"

"What?" he asked defensively, glaring at her over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, you have a better idea? I gave him a modified toy grenade filled with those stupid BBs, and a spoonful or two of gunpowder so that it'd scatter at a high-enough speed." I didn't hear a sonic boom. Therefore, it wasn't fast enough. "Don't worry, it wasn't enough to kill anybody," he continued as Kayano gasped in horror. "I'll pitch in on his medical bills. ...Huh?"

I raised an eyebrow and stood up to get a better look. Huh. Nagisa was lying on the floor, covered in some sort of translucent skin. Almost like a snake had shed something. He was even completely unharmed - not even a scorch mark. "Woah," Terasaka muttered. "He doesn't even have a mark on him. And what the hell's this membrane? Did the body -"

"It's not a body. As it happens, I shed my skin once a month." Oh fuck.

I groped for the pistol hidden in my desk but froze when the terrifyingly calm voice continued, "I wrapped my skin around your classmate to protect him from the blast." Where the hells was he? Nagisa sat up, splitting the membrane around him, so he was okay. Good.

I glanced up towards the ceiling and gulped. The octopus was up there, eyes glowing _red_ , and a strange chill filled the air. Uh oh. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you didn't see this coming," the monster snapped, voice cold as ice. "Terasaka! Yoshida! Muramatsu!" he growled as we all stared in horror. A completely new face was making its way onto the monster - his teeth were getting sharper, and the previously smooth yellow surface was getting gnarled and twisted.

Pitch black.

Extreme anger.

They're, uh, they're fucked.

"This was your doing!" the monster hissed. "Wasn't it?!"

Dopey Grin whimpered, while Dreadlocks stammered, "W-who, us?"

"It was all Nagisa!" Terasaka weakly attempted to clear the blame. Pathetic. Can't even take responsibility for your failures, and you wanted to kill him? Even if your plan had succeeded, you'd still be scum because you have no respect for the pawns you used.

With a blast of wind, the monster vanished. There was maybe a heartbeat of time before he reappeared, sending another gust of wind through the classroom. As the others sheltered their eyes, I managed to notice something clattering to the ground. "The nameplate off my house!" Terasaka gasped. There were two others, probably corresponding to the other two conspirators.

"Here's the deal, kiddos," the monster growled, and I swallowed when I noticed that he held more nameplates in his tentacles. "The agreement I have with your government forbids me from harming _you_. But, there's a catch." He lifted one nameplate in an inky-black tentacle. "If you pull another irresponsible stunt like that again... There's nothing that says I can't harm someone else," he warned us, dropping the nameplates.

I had nobody important to me in this world. Threats against my loved ones were useless. But the rest of these people theoretically had family. People that they cared about, and didn't want to see injured.

"Family... Friends... Everyone in the world except for you if I feel like it," he snarled, baring his teeth at us.

Ah. I see. He's closing the door to the boss room. We can't escape, or use a crystal to run. And we couldn't even lose health to try respawning. We were well and truly trapped - we'd only make it out if we killed the boss or if the timer ran out.

"Go on! Threaten us!" Terasaka blustered. That kid either has balls of steel that drag the ground when he walks, or he's trying to play up the tough guy act. "I ain't afraid of no squid! Where do you get off blowin' up the moon! We got rights, ya know!" he snapped, pointing a trembling finger at the leering visage of the boss monster. "Call us irresponsible, we're just defending ourselves!"

"Of course!" And in an instant, the leering black monster was gone, replaced by the calm octopus with a red circle on his face making a ding-dong sound effect. "I know that. I'm not calling you irresponsible for trying to kill me!"

"No, no, no," he continued, placing a tentacle on Nagisa's head gently and patting him. "As a matter of fact, Nagisa here gets full marks for technique. His composure was simply outstanding!"

"However!" He turned his attention back to the thugs, and they stiffened. "None of you cared if he was injured!" They looked away shamefully. "Not even Nagisa itself, it seems." I bit at my thumb absently, staring at the child on the ground. That's true, I suppose. He just walked right up there and went boom without giving the slightest shit. Kinda badass, actually. "Students with that attitude aren't fit to assassinate anyone!" the octopus declared, showing a deep purple cross.

Wait, I'm confused. Hold up. So he's just mad that they put Nagisa in danger? Not that his own life was threatened? What? This makes no sense. "You must believe yourself worthy of your target," he told the class as a whole. "That means taking pride in what you do! In yourselves! And each other!" Well, strike three I'm out. "And all of you are more than the sum of your parts."

I don't get this. One second he was lecturing us at Mach 20, and then the next he was patting Nagisa on the head with his tentacle and assuring us that we were all special and worth something. This is the most bizarre thing. And yet, somehow... Somehow it felt like he was telling the truth. Like he was looking at me, and actually seeing me in a way that not even Kana did...

Maybe because he's a monster too. Maybe that's why he can look at me and not feel revulsion.

The octopus reached out and squashed a small cinder on his desk. "Here's a puzzler for you, Nagisa," he said, raising a tentacle. "Given that I have no intention of being killed, though of course I have every intention of enjoying our time together before the planet goes ker-plooie, what exactly are you going to do about it?"

Nagisa blinked, taken aback. I hissed out a quiet breath. That's the million-dollar question. What are we going to do with this monster teacher? I might have experience killing boss monsters, but this one puts them all to shame. Then Nagisa smiled, clenching his fist, and said, "I think you'll find out I can do plenty, sir. Just you wait and see."

The octopus smiled smugly and laughed, green stripes lining his face. "That's the spirit," he nodded. Then he turned to the class. "No one leaves until I'm vanquished!"

"Whaaaat!" the class yelped.

"Way to go, Nagisa!"

"This is totally balls!"

As Nagisa went back to his seat, I watched the octopus as he picked up the nameplates and sat down at his desk, wiping them away and muttering to himself, singing a little song about polishing them up.

Yes... This is my reality. I am an assassin. My target... is the teacher sitting in front of me.

Plenty of people were complaining about not wanting to be a killer, or thinking that this was going to be impossible. Kayano blinked. "An unkillable teacher," she muttered, staring at the ceiling. "Unkillable... Teacher..." She looked forward suddenly, blinking. "Oh! What about Korosensei?"

"Korosensei?" Nagisa repeated, staring at her.

"Gueh?" the octopus blinked and looked up at the two. So... that's what they were naming him, hm? I... I won't use it. If I have to kill a monster, I need it to be impersonal.

But then again, every boss in Aincrad had a name, didn't it? Illfang The Kobold King, The Venomous One, The Gleam Eyes, Akihiko Kayaba... This wasn't any different, really. I just needed to use the name to focus my bloodlust instead of dissipating it.

Hm. Us and Korosensei. I suppose it'll work.

* * *

 **SO! Here we go. THIS is the real story we're going with.**

 **I'm a pretty big fan of Assassination Classroom, and after the show read my mind a few times I knew I had to crossover with it at some point. Add in the obviously superhuman abilities of certain (*cough* Korosensei *cough*) characters, and my mind decided that meant that they were in a virtual world. The STL was just a good excuse to cross this world with AssClass (and yes I like calling it that because I find it funny and yes I am a child). Also because Nick being 13 again amuses me. Originally, both he and Kazuto were going to be in Class 3-E, but that didn't work out in the end, so it's just Nick here. Where's Kazuto, you ask? Dunno.**

 **As for why I've gone with an Assassination Classroom cross instead of jumping straight into Alicization? Nick needs something he'd get here that he wouldn't get in Underworld. Don't worry, we'll still be seeing Underworld and Alice, but only after Nick graduates. I know this might disappoint some of you who wanted to see Nick in Underworld shenanigans right away. This wasn't a decision I made lightly - I actually had two separate folders, one for this crossover and one for Nick and Kazuto, Underworld bros, and sketched out the plot arcs for each one. When I sat back and looked at it, I _had_ to choose the AssClass cross for one important reason.**

 **Namely, Nick just... was extraneous in Underworld. Oh, I had a viable plot for what would happen, but it would have been entirely separate from anything Kirito did, up to a point. What was more, there just weren't as many opportunities for character development in Underworld as there were in AssClass. I weighed the options, and decided that Nick's growth as a character was more important than letting him have adventures in the Underworld.**

 **(also Koro-sensei Quest supports this game perspective 110% but it's entirely crack so we're using the real version)**

* * *

 **Okay, fine, so I lied about Nick being dead. It amused me.**

 **Nick is more than willing to kill, but he's not going after Korosensei just yet. He wants to kill the octopus, but he's not confident of success yet, so he's holding off. I kinda wanted him getting Nagisa's gender wrong to be a running joke, but I realized it wasn't all that funny. Even though I knew he was a guy, his voice in the show confused me for a brief moment and made me doubt myself...**

 **As for the rest of the class, he'll get the names eventually. Maybe. If he cares enough. This is how it was for me in high school, at any rate; I usually didn't know anyone and just picked them out by where they sat, but by the end of the first month I usually had a lock on names.**

 **Okay! Story stuff time!**

 **1\. No spoilers. Y'all should know the drill by now, but it bears repeating. If it hasn't been brought up in the story, please don't talk about it in the reviews (I only add this because it's possible readers familiar with my previous works – i.e. people that watched/read SAO – might not know about Assassination Classroom.)**

 **2\. This story is first-person. That is, it's from Nick/Kana's point of view. These points of view do not necessarily represent my own personal beliefs, though there's a pretty high probability when Nick's in the driver's seat.**

 **3\. This story, Nightblade 4, will consist of three books. This is book one.**

 **4\. Sentences entirely in English will «be written with arrows instead of quotes.»** _ **Italics**_ **are for emphasis, but** _ **sentences entirely in italics**_ **will pop up time to time. Usually, they'll be for when the entire class is thinking the same thing, though on occasion it'll be used for other purposes, like Nick's bloodlust taking control. If you see three dots, that's indication of a flashback (or, more often, Nick drifting off into his own little world while remembering what happened). There might be the occasional** _ **"Sentence in italics"**_ **during a flashback; that's someone making a comment in the real timeline. I'll try to make it pretty obvious who is speaking, if this does happen.**

 **Right, that should be everything I need to cover. I hope you all enjoy this story! So remember: If you have comments, constructive criticisms, compliments, or ceaseless complaints, you should respond by – addressing those four C's in order – leaving a review, leaving a review, leaving a review, and jumping off a bridge.**

 **Adaptation note: I usually stick with the English script for most of what I write, but in this case I decided to go with the original (manga / subbed) version of Kayano deciding on Korosensei's name. I like it better than the weird 'Oh we totally aren't speaking Japanese right now' thing Funimation went with. So, for those not in the know, korosenai (unkillable) + sensei (teacher) = Korosensei (unkillable teacher). Yay for math!**


	3. Baseball Time

**Chapter 3: Baseball Time**

* * *

I wandered into class, yawning. Normally, this wouldn't exactly be a problem, since getting to class tired was basically my default state. It was also the reason I tried not to have talk... talky things in the morning, because my mind didn't work right until about eight. Thoughts drifted and I tended to be incoherent until I was forced to fully wake up.

I was the only person in the class, though I could see Nagisa's bag. She must be out doing something. The person behind her was here too, but I don't know his name. With another yawn, I stumbled to my desk and slumped down into my seat with a crash. Tired tired tired. Wasn't I thinking of something before my thoughts went to a direction? That wasn't the one I was originally on? Think of the train tracks... Where was the station...

Oh yeah. My arms hit the table followed shortly to be used as pillows for my head as I gave up trying to be upright. I was thinking about why being in class was a problem. Normally, I was in class early, just like today, which gave me time to get the sleepy out of my system a little bit before Kana came in and greeted me. If I was still sleepy when she showed up, that was time I didn't get to spend with her.

I wouldn't get to spend any time with Kana today. Not for the foreseeable future, either. And I had Future Step - I could see pretty far into the future. When everyone else couldn't see into the present, I mean future, seeing half a second was pretty far. Dividing by zero is fun.

I sighed and let out a soft moan. Here's the deal. I... am an assassin. My target... is my teacher.

The bell rang. After a few seconds, the door slid open and I looked up, blinking blearily. Hnng... It took me a second for me to place the faces, but I shook my head when I did. Nagisa and the guy that sat behind her had walked in, and they both looked a little disappointed. Either their first kiss wasn't as thrilling as they'd hoped, or they'd tried to kill Korosensei again and failed.

Wait, there was something wrong with that... Something about the first half of that... But before I could figure it out, the nagging feeling melted away and I ignored it. "Hey, Nick," Nagisa said before taking a seat. The guy waved as well before slumping in his seat. "Morning."

"Mmm." I blinked slowly. "Tried killing him?" I got out, my voice hoarse and rough.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Every morning without fail, Korosensei stops by Hawaii on his way here and picks up a newspaper to read out back before the first bell." She lifted a small notepad. "I've been keeping track of his habits, to see if there's anything we can use against him. Anyway, Sugino tried to use a baseball studded with the Anti-Korosensei pellets, but it failed."

Sugino - I guess that's his name - sighed. "I tried my best, but he was too fast. He said that once it was airborne, he had nothing but time. He was able to head into the equipment shed and dig out an old baseball glove, catch the ball, and to rub it in he did all of that before his newspaper hit the ground. He even had time to straighten the sign in the shed too!"

I blinked. "Of course," I said. "Weapon was too slow. Korosensei is too fast. Unless agility is limited, he escapes." Nagisa looked confused for a second, but it cleared up. She must have gotten through my slurring.

"Damn it," Sugino grumbled, looking depressed.

Something I said? "It was a good throw," Nagisa whispered to me. "I don't know why he's so upset about it."

"Failed."

Nagisa shrugged. "Maybe, but none of us have had much luck recently." She shrugged again and went to take her seat as the rest of the class started arriving.

"Hi Nick!" Kayano chirped as she passed my seat. "What's up?"

"Ask Nagisa," I grunted. "She knows."

Kayano blinked at me. "Nagisa's a guy, Nick."

I paused. "...Oh." Then I frowned. "...Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Huh."

Huh. I feel like I should have known that.

I took my time making it to full awareness, since it really didn't matter all that much if I missed the early classes - I knew everything already. By the time I was fully coherent, Korosensei was lecturing on something about April being the cruelest month. Or was that the coolest? I dunno. Things just kinda snapped into focus a little bit through the lecture. I decided I didn't really care all that much about it and let myself listen on autopilot, kinda paying attention without actually listening.

What are the facts of the situation as of right now? Korosensei, the yellow octopus creature currently teaching our class, claimed to have vaporized seventy percent of the moon in March. I believed that the moon had been damaged - I could see the permanent crescent every night - but jury was out whether he did it or not. Either way, the upcoming March, he planned to do the same thing to the Earth. After seeing his speed, which was entirely inhuman, I believed his claim that he could do the same thing to the Earth. The problem facing me now was how to stop him.

And, for whatever reason, he was teaching this class of junior high nobodies for the final year preceding the end of the world. I noticed a few people with weapons nearby - Isogai had his hand on his pistol, a brown-haired girl with her hair in a ponytail named Yada had a knife slipped under her notebook, and assault weapons littered the desks. The Ministry of Defense had been quick to jump on the opportunity, and we'd all been given a mission. We were encouraged to try our hand at assassinating Korosensei, killing our teacher and saving the planet.

I hadn't given it a shot yet. No sense in revealing myself before I had a guaranteed kill.

I was on board because it was the plot of the simulation designed to train soldiers. I wasn't sure why I was 13 again, or why the subject matter was both middle school and assassination, but it was strange. This should have been a simulation for training soldiers for war, and instead I was sitting here bored out of my skull listening to something humans would never see on the battlefield lecture about tulips. Someone must have fiddled with the settings, but why?

Well, no matter. I'd just kill Korosensei eventually and be done with it.

The rest of the class was on board for a few reasons. One, because the simulation said so, and two, because the Fluctlights behind each of the students' consciousnesses – conscii? Each person with a consciousness. Bleh, plurals are hard - had been lured in by the promise of ten billion yen. I wasn't sure how the logistics behind everything worked, but the students - and possibly Korosensei as well - were all Fluctlights. I'm not sure how the technicians managed to pull it off, but these Fluctlights were in a pretty accurate representation of modern-ish Japan. It probably had to do with the fact that we were about ten years behind where we should be, so the Cardinal engine running underneath could ensure there were the appropriate technological advances at the correct time.

Bleh. Whatever. I was in here and I wasn't getting out until Korosensei was lying dead by my feet.

I saw Kayano lean over and start whispering to Nagisa. Probably trying to figure out how the morning's assassination attempt went. I watched them look back at Sugino, and I saw the would-be assassin flex his hand before sighing. Sucks to be that guy. Korosensei glanced back at everyone to make sure we were still following along, and I returned my attention to the board to figure out what he'd written down before I drifted. There was nothing I'd mi-

A rush of wind was the only warning I got. A blur of yellow flashed in front of me, and then an instant later Korosensei was standing by his lectern, staring at a notebook. Shit! He was so fast the only indication he'd moved was the blur of color. "Sugaya!" he snapped, eyes gleaming and faced darkened as he stared at the open notebook. The student in question flinched, trying to minimize open area.

What did the kid do? "Not a bad likeness, I'll give you that," Korosensei said easily, back to normal in an instant. "But I'm a little hurt by the jawline." He turned the notebook around to reveal a sketch by Sugaya, one with Korosensei's 'corrections' drawn over it in red pen. The octopus had tried to make his appearance more handsome, with a thin face and defined cheekbones. I grinned.

"You don't have a jaw!" Maehara - Orange Hair boy! I know his name now~ - snapped.

* * *

That day passed without incident, as did the next day's morning. Eventually, the lunch bell rang and everyone started packing up. "That's lunchtime, children," Korosensei announced. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have important overseas business to attend to."

"Tofu from China?" Isogai asked him.

Korosensei slid open the window. "Actually, I'm catching a ballgame in the Big Apple." I grinned tightly. Was Sugino's throw really so bad he needed to watch professionals play? "Ciao!" he shouted as he accelerated, leaving a cloud of dust and the cries of my classmates behind him.

"He sure does know how to make an exit," Yoshida grumbled. He was two in front of Terasaka, the only other person in my row. He'd been one of the idiots to use Nagisa as an action bomb.

"I know," Terasaka growled. "That thing is starting to get on my nerves."

"Talk about unfair," Orange-Haired Girl said while rummaging through her shoulder bag. "We're stuck here while he flies all over the world. He could at least bring souvenirs!"

"Think about what he'd bring back," the female class representative told her. I'm getting better with names, but it's only been a little while. "Are you that hard up for a mortar shell?"

"I'm just saying, an exotic snack would be nice. It's not like he'd have to sneak it through customs."

Female Class Rep smiled uneasily. "You've obviously dedicated a lot of thought to this."

"So, hey," Isogai said to Maehara, "what's New York's chief export?"

"I don't know, booze?"

"Sucks we're not drinking age," Isogai laughed.

Orange-Haired Girl smiled at them. "What about something greasy, like from one of those food trucks?"

"Man, New York girls are hot!" Okajima announced, standing up and wriggling in place. Time and place, kid, and neither of them are here or now. "Especially the blondes!" Gods he irritated me.

Maehara laughed. "Oh yeah!"

Ridiculous. While my spot at the back was brilliant for being able to listen in on conversations and keep eyes on the rest of my classmates, it did mean I had to deal with this stupidity. When I saw Nagisa starting to leave, I quickly slipped through the desks and caught up with him. I could tolerate Nagisa. "Man, could you imagine if one of them came back with him as a transfer student?" Okajima asked the class at large.

Nagisa and I were about to slip out of the classroom when Agent Karasuma entered instead, followed by another of his agent buddies. "Oh, Mr. Karasuma," Isogai said, looking over at him.

"Children," Karasuma greeted. "Any progress on killing the tentacled menace?"

Define progress. "Define progress," Nagisa said dryly, and I grinned. That kid is a snarky one and I like him!

The rest of the class kinda hummed in thought, not looking up at Karasuma. "Yeah, this is E Class, yo," the sole female member of Terasaka's gang said, folding her arms behind her and leaning back. "You gotta lower your expectations." I noticed she was staring at Sugino out of the corner of her eye, and looked at the kid myself. He was just sitting there, hanging his head.

"All due respect, sir, he's too quick," Isogai protested.

"Like so quick you can't even see him sometimes," Orange Mushroom Hair said. His name was Mimura. "You said so yourself. He tops out at Mach 20. How do we kill something like that?"

"I don't know, but you kids had better figure it out," Karasuma said, and I looked at him with a dull stare. Helpful as always, Agent. Are all Ministry of Defense Agents useless, or did I just be so lucky as to get the two bad apples from the bunch?

"Seriously?" Okajima whined.

"Seriously," Karasuma stated. "You're the only hope we've got." If he means Okajima, we're all fucked. "He teaches willingly, putting himself in the line of fire by choice." The entire class groaned at the reminder. "If we allow that creature to live, come March, the entire Earth will be totally annihilated. And, in case you need a reminder of how powerful he is, take a look at what's left of our moon. That'll be our planet in a year. In short," Karasuma said, staring at all of us, "he's too dangerous to take lightly. That's why _this_ classroom is the last stand between mankind and extinction."

I could appreciate that he was taking us seriously, at least. But would I be able to pull this off in time? These kids were the outcasts and misfits, and things were going to be interesting, to say the least. Can I pull it off before March rolls around? I'm pretty sure I can. It'll be difficult, especially with all the gaps in the database on the target - I didn't even know Korosensei's motive for blowing up the planet, let alone why he was teaching us. Well, I'd done with less before. Given enough time and preparation, I'm certain I can pull this off.

I retrieved my lunch and returned to the classroom unwillingly. I didn't exactly want to eat in there, but I needed intel on my fellow classmates. Since I didn't actually have any friends, I just ate my lunch mechanically and watched the rest of the class chat loudly amongst themselves. I was alone, with nobody nearby to talk to, and I liked it that way. These children didn't interest me in the slightest, and I didn't want to be dragged into any of their conversations. It was all I could do not to just take out my headphones and listen to music - thankfully, I had access to a phone and a pocket music player, so I had something to keep me busy after classes ended. But I needed to study these people, figure out where the social lines were drawn, and to do that I couldn't listen to my music.

While running over the small groups - Kayano was chatting happily with other people behind her, while Nagisa was just casually eating his lunch, unaffected by the noise - I realized that Sugino was nowhere to be seen. Huh. Probably off eating his lunch alone. I know that people that have failed tend to come in two categories: the kind that immediately run to all their friends and complain about how they screwed up, and the kind that went off to the corner and brooded about it. I was of the latter, as were Kana, Kazuto, and Shino, but fortunately our friend group had the others, who tended to fall into the former category.

Well, I'm curious, and I can't exactly study him if he's not here. "Hey, Nagisa," I said, wandering over to the blue-haired boy. "Mind if we chat for a little bit?"

"Sure," he said. "But I have to go turn this assignment in first."

I stared at the journal, not really recognizing it, before I blinked. Crap - I hadn't turned that in either. "Er, let me grab my own assignment too. I forgot to turn it in myself."

After I grabbed my journal, I followed Nagisa out into the halls. "So, what's up with Sugino?" I asked him. "Dude seems pretty upset, but the attempt was yesterday. Why's he taking it so hard?"

Nagisa shrugged. "I don't really know," he told me. "I think Sugino was in the baseball club before he moved up to E Class. Maybe it has something to do with that."

"Hm."

I was silent for a while, and Nagisa looked over at me. I wish my growth spurt would hurry up, I hate being small. "Why do you ask?" he asked me. "I mean, no offense, but you kinda... you're not exactly the most social guy." Well, that's harsh. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" he added hurriedly. "It's just..."

He trailed off and I shrugged. "No offense taken. I'm not fantastic with people." Understatement: I'm kinda okay at it. "Anyway, I wanted to know because part of what I do best is plan. Knowing how everyone else thinks and will act plays a large part of it."

"Oh, I get it," Nagisa said. "So, do you -"

He cut off and I blinked, looking at him. He was staring past me out the window on my opposite side, and I turned to look for myself. "Oh what the fuck," I sighed.

"That's weird," Nagisa murmured. "What do _they_ have to talk about?" 'They', of course, being Sugino and Korosensei. The two were just sitting outside on the steps down to the athletic field. "Holy crap!" Nagisa exclaimed suddenly. "He's ticked off he tried to kill him!"

"Pronouns!" I said - to myself, since Nagisa had already taken off running. "They're fun! Antecedents are a fucker." I followed him out of curiosity, more than anything. And because Korosensei was there and he could take my assignment.

We rounded the corner to the door outside and Nagisa stopped with a gasp of shock. "Lemme see!" I whined, peering over his shoulder. "Oh. Huh." Korosensei had managed to grab Sugino with his tentacles, cackling while holding the struggling boy in midair.

"And now he's literally up in arms!" Nagisa exclaimed.

"That was bad and you should feel bad."

"We have to help!" he shouted, running out to... to help? I'm not really sure what he intended to do.

Still, I was kinda curious as to what was going on, so I followed at a slightly more sedate pace. Actually, I wonder how that would work if Sugino had the Anti-Korosensei material in his jacket. That stuff was just hardened plastic, but there should be a way for them to cover the jacket, right? That would prevent Korosensei from picking the kid up, at any rate.

"Please sir, don't do this!" Nagisa shouted, running over to where Korosensei was giggling. The octopus stopped with a sound of confusion, looking over to the blue-haired teen. "He was just doing what he had to, the deal was you couldn't hurt any of us!"

"Eh, he's keeping to the deal," I said lightly. "Sugino's not in any trouble, not even if I tried to stab Korosensei right now. You'd have to _try_ to land wrong to get hurt falling from that height. Maybe a few bruises, but bruises heal." I smiled innocently when Sugino let out a strangled yelp through the tentacle in his mouth.

Korosensei suddenly laughed triumphantly. "There it is." I raised an eyebrow, but he was back to examining Sugino. The boy in question let out a muffled questioning sound. "I _thought_ I recognized that pitching style. You were imitating Major League pitcher Arita!"

Sugino gasped. I had exactly zero idea what was going on.

"That's right," Korosensei continued, getting to his feet - er, tentacles - and gently setting Sugino down on the ground. "These tentacles don't lie." Nagisa and I wandered around to where Sugino was sitting. "The muscles in your shoulder are significantly less flexible than those of your idol's, I'm afraid."

Sugino stiffened, then glared at Korosensei. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

"That the famous Arita fastball that you were trying so hard to copy... is simply _never_ going to be your thing," Korosensei announced, his face shadowed and his omnipresent grin not changing an inch.

Sugino gasped in shock, and I noticed Nagisa gritting his teeth. Just before Sugino was going to start saying something, Nagisa ground out, "That's not fair." His head was hanging, his shoulders were drawn up, and his fist was clenched. "You don't know. How could you, that's ridiculous. You can't just..."

"Look, don't..." Sugino said uneasily, "...worry about it..."

"I get it, why even bother?" Nagisa said. "Hey, we're just E Class, right? We're just a bunch of losers and lost causes!" he shouted.

Sugino looked away from the angry Nagisa.

"You misunderstand me," Korosensei insisted. "I based this entirely on first-hand experience." His tentacle reached into the sleeve of his oversized robe and brought out a newspaper. "First through eighth hand experience, I should say!" he laughed. Ugh. That was terrible. Then I looked a little bit closer at the article he was showing us; it was a picture of a bunch of his tentacles holding up a baseball pitcher, in the exact same position that he'd been holding Sugino.

I scanned over the article. 'What the hell was it?', 'My teammates make fun of me', 'My wife is slut'... The typical gossip stuff.

Wait. So when he went to New York to catch the ball game, that was...

 _What is WRONG with you?!_ The three of us gaped at our teacher.

"I even got his autograph!" Korosensei told us proudly, holding up the signed poster. 'Don't screw with me, tentacles!'

"You actually asked him for an autograph _after_ you assaulted him?" Nagisa asked incredulously. The octopus was sobbing tears of happiness. I will never understand this thing.

"Unbelievable, right?" Korosensei sobbed. "And he was so nice about it..."

"He's right, though," Sugino said, and I decided that he was slightly less irritating than the sobbing octopus in front of me. "Some of us are born with talent, some of us not so much."

"Talent is relative," Korosensei told us, reaching out with a tentacle as he began to manhandle Sugino's wrists. "Arita's wrists and elbows aren't as flexible as yours." Sugino stared, stunned, at his hand. "Like I said, these tentacles don't lie. Given enough time and practice, you could become just as good a player, if not better! And besides," he continued, placing a tentacle on Sugino's shoulder, "why settle for being an imitation?"

Sugino looked at him, making a confused sound.

"Next time," Korosensei said, turning to leave, "try assassinating me in your own style!"

Sugino sat there, staring at the hand Korosensei had been manipulating. "More flexible, huh? I never realized." He reached out and bent his wrist. "How about that. My own style."

Like me and Kazuto, I guess. I was never going to match him in strength or speed of reflexes, so I developed my own method of fighting that took advantage of my own strengths: my intellect and my ability to read my opponent.

I nodded slowly and looked over to where Korosensei was slithering back to class. A chirping bird flew over and landed on his hat without a care in the world. He wasn't just teaching us, was he? Or, rather, he was teaching us how to be assassins as well as students.

Beside me, Nagisa smiled and started running after him. Why... Oh, crap! My assignment! I ran off after him as well.

"Excuse me, sir!" Nagisa called out. We'd managed to catch up to Korosensei just before the octopus headed into the teacher's lounge.

Korosensei stopped and turned to look at us as we ran up to him. "Mm?"

"Did you really fly all the way to New York, just to give Sugino a piece of advice?" Nagisa asked.

"Why not? I'm his teacher."

Nagisa shifted forward. "Well, it's just that most teachers I know wouldn't go that far for a student. And I mean, here you are planning to blow up the planet by the time we graduate and all that."

Korosensei's face didn't change, but I could tell there was a small shift in the air. He didn't reply right away, and I felt my hackles raise. Was he going to... "Nagisa. The details aren't important. Let's just say I'm here to make good on a promise," he said finally. "One I don't take lightly."

Interesting. He promised someone something to teach Class E? Very interesting.

Korosensei reached out with his tentacles and took both my and Nagisa's journals. "The Earth will be destroyed, yes," he said while grading them both with a blur of motion, red pen, and tentacles, "but my first priority is to you and your classmates."

He turned the journals around; Nagisa got a 96 on his English journal entry, with a few minor corrections here and there. He misspelled one word, and used the wrong form of a verb in another place. As for me, I got a 100. I was bilingual, after all, and I'd read enough books to be able to write something on this level easily. It was just a quick diary entry on my favorite food and where'd I'd gone the last time I'd eaten out, after all.

"Nothing beats giving you kids the credit that you're due," Korosensei told us. "Not even me blowing up the Earth."

"Kinda hard to enjoy the credit when we're all dead though, isn't it?" I asked dryly as I accepted my journal back.

"Korosensei..." Nagisa murmured as he looked over his assignment. "...Could you maybe not draw problems like this on the back of our tests?" he asked, staring at a doodle of an octopus tentacle with a bow on top. I glanced at my own journal, and sighed. Sure enough, I had one too. 'State in English the reason why this tentacle isn't cute enough.' I'm going to gag.

"Wha!" Korosensei yelped, throwing his arms up in the air in shock.

"We get it, you're fast," Nagisa sighed. "No point being all weird about it, right?"

"Aw..." Korosensei drooped in disappointment. "It's only a bonus question..."

"Honestly, sir, it feels more like a penalty."

I grinned. "Do I get bonus points?" I snagged a pencil from my bag and pressed my journal to the wall, quickly scribbling an answer. Something along the lines of «It doesn't share the characteristics typically used to describe 'cute', such as large eyes, a round face, or being attractive in the slightest. That is because it is a tentacle. Adding a bow does not make that statement untrue.» I tossed it back to Korosensei and he had it graded in a flash. "Sweet, plus two."

"Ah...well... Anyway," Korosensei recovered, twirling his red pen before taking a chomp out of the end. "I hope my students take assassinating me as seriously as I take their education!" I feel like he's going to blow through the budget quickly if he eats all the pens. "Not that you'll ever pull it off, of course," he said, his face lined with green stripes. As he continued eating the pen, he laughed to himself. Weird slurping sounds were part of this show.

Nagisa and I glanced at each other, before we both let out a small sigh.

About a week later, I glanced at the tulips that the class had planted. They'd started to bloom a little bit. But that wasn't exactly why I was outside. "Why did you invite me here again?" I asked, leaning my head on my hands. "It's not like I'm necessary. And it's hot out, and the bugs think I taste delicious."

Sugino and Nagisa didn't reply to my whining since they were too busy focusing. With a shout, Sugino pulled back and threw a baseball pitch. It seemed like it was heading straight for Nagisa's glove, but just before it impacted it sank like a stone, making Nagisa dodge out of the way. "Wow, nice one!" Nagisa shouted. The ball hit the bank and bounced up to where I was sitting, and I tossed it back to Nagisa. "It broke so fast I could barely see it!" He tossed it back to Sugino, who caught it easily.

Sugino laughed cheerfully. "All in the wrists and elbows. I'm perfecting my curveball to play to my strengths! Between that and the change-up I'm working on, I've already got a half-decent arsenal!" I don't understand any of this. Sports make no sense. "Nothing Korosensei can't see coming from a mile away, but what are you gonna do?"

"Stab him from behind?" I suggested.

"I'm sticking with it, though," Sugino said. "Perseverance is key! In baseball and assassination." He tossed the ball lightly to Nagisa.

Korosensei has the deck stacked pretty damn high in his favor. He's got super-supersonic speed and multitasking tentacles. Killing him isn't going to be easy.

"We invited you out because you mentioned wanting to see what Sugino was capable of," Nagisa reminded me as the pitcher in question ran over to Korosensei's open window.

"Oh, right. In retrospect, that might have been a mistake."

"Can I borrow you for a sec?" Sugino asked Korosensei, leaning on the windowsill. "I wanna take a couple test shots at you, if that's okay."

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed in that signature way of his, his face going green with mocking immediately. "Glutton for disappointment?"

The strange thing was, despite being a boss monster in his own right, I had to admit that Korosensei was good at motivating people. At the beginning, Sugino was moping because he missed that one pitch, and now the kid was laughing and trying his hardest. I had to admit, that was a skill I wouldn't mind learning. This class might turn out to be worth something after all.

"I guess we really are having, well..." Nagisa murmured.

"Don't say it. Please don't say it."

"...we're having a ball with him," he said.

I glowered at him. "...My hate. _All of it._ It is for you."

* * *

I leaned back and sighed, stretching my arms over my head. "I hate homework."

"That's because you do all of it in class," Sugino told me. "There's a reason it's called homework."

"Right, like I'm going to do anything at home except relax," I sniped at him. Not literally. "Besides, it's not like you do your homework at home either. At least this way _I_ get it done."

Sugino winced and fell quiet, going back to focusing on his lunch. I'd eaten faster than the others, so while I had nothing better to do I got started on the homework assigned that morning. While I was blurring through that, Kayano and Nagisa were having some conversation that I tuned out.

Since I was taking a break from dealing with the worksheets, I scanned over the classroom like I usually did and frowned. "That's strange," I murmured.

"Hm?" Nagisa and Kayano looked up at me. "What's that, Nick?" Nagisa asked me.

"Isogai and Maehara aren't here," I said, leaning forward and resting my chin on my hands. "Neither are the Female Rep -"

"Kataoka," Kayano told me.

I grinned slightly before smothering it immediately. If she wanted to play this game… "Ponytail..."

This time she had to look around. "...Yada?"

"Orange Mushroom Hair..."

She grinned. "Mimura!"

I finally let a small grin slip onto my face. This was quite amusing. "..." I opened my mouth, but I really couldn't pick out a good descriptor for the last girl that was missing. "...Crap. The one that sits between Maehara and Isogai."

"Okano!" Kayano cheered. "That's four!"

"Yeah, those four," I said. "The six of them are usually eating lunch at this point, occasionally together. Yada and Okano eat together, Isogai and Maehara are always clowning around... And then the other two are somewhere else."

"Do you think they're trying to kill Korosensei?" Sugino asked.

"Maybe," Nagisa allowed. "We could go look."

"Let's go!" Kayano was, as usual, full of energy. "Nick, you can finish your homework at _home_."

I spread my arms out to the side and shrugged mildly. "Sure, whatever." I'll finish it during the afternoon classes.

I packed up my papers and got up, following the others as they headed outside. Sugino complained - he hadn't finished eating yet, and apparently he only had a little bit left - but he followed the three of us regardless. When we couldn't find the six students outside, I glanced at Nagisa; it only took him an instant of glancing at his little notebook before he was trotting off towards the forest at a good clip. "Korosensei likes getting sweet treats," he told us as we moved, "and I've seen him eating in this one clearing every now and then. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be there."

I nodded. As we moved, a sudden chill went down my spine, and I froze. People. People wanting to kill. But it wasn't aimed at me, and I quickly clenched my eyes shut and turned up the music in my head. It was Beethoven's Fifth today, and I listened to the imaginary orchestra to block out everything else. I opened my eyes carefully and raised a finger to my lips, silencing the question Kayano and Nagisa were about to ask. Picking my way through the forest carefully, I slipped towards the source of the killing intent with the other three trailing along rather clumsily, though every time a branch snapped under their feet I just cranked up the volume again.

I had moved on to a snippet from a different song by the time I stumbled on the six students lying in wait. Kataoka was the first to notice the four of us, and she jumped at my sudden appearance. Giving her an easy smile, I waved silently at the six of them and gestured to go on and attack.

Isogai nodded at us, and then went back to peeping from behind the bush. "Focus," he whispered. "Think of the money we're gonna split." The other five nodded grimly.

"Korosensei!" they chorused, running out from their cover to where the octopus was sitting on a picnic blanket shaving ice for snow cones.

"I hope you brought enough shaved ice for all of us!" Isogai called out when Korosensei looked over with a curious sound.

As they laughed happily, I shook my head out of sight. There's no way he was going to buy that. "Are the children opening their hearts to me at last?!" he asked, weeping tears of pure joy. Motherfucker he's buying it. "Such beaming smiles!"

The bloodlust spiked as all six of them pulled knives and lunged at once. "Such little savages!"

Korosensei blurred away an instant before the attackers struck, sending up an explosion of dust. When the dust cleared and the children stopped coughing, the blanket was empty barring a penguin-shaped ice shaver lying on its back. "Not the worst tactic you've tried," Korosensei lectured from where he was standing behind them, "but your smiles were a bit too forced." I'd noticed that; they were stiff masks, not real smiles.

"I wasn't born yesterday, boys and girls," Korosensei said, turning to show a folded handkerchief in one hand and a snow cone in the other. "Now put away these silly Anti-Me knives," he said, dropping the handkerchief to reveal six knives. Okano looked down at what she had held in her hands and gasped in shock. "...And take a moment to stop and smell, if not the roses, then these lovely specimens." Each of them was holding a flower in the exact same position they'd been holding the knives. A neat trick.

Kataoka seemed to recognize the flowers, though, because she stared at them for a second before her eyes widened. "Are these from the flower bed?" she snapped at Korosensei. Isogai proved himself to be a smart kid by immediately flinching away from her. "For your information, sir, we grew these _lovely specimens_ from seeds!" she roared.

"Uuaahh!" Korosensei freaked out, sweat beading on his face. "No kidding?!"

"Why would you do something so mean?" Yada asked, covering her mouth in horror. Behind her, Okano was wiping at tears in her eyes. I'm ninety percent sure they're hamming it up, but as I am a smart man I will not put my hand in the lion's mouth on the off chance it's already eaten today. "We've been waiting for them to bloom for months, and now they're..." She trailed off, overcome by grief.

"I'm sorry!" Korosensei gasped, trying so desperately to gain their forgiveness. Despite everything, I was starting to enjoy the show. "I'm so sorry! Forgive me, children!" he flailed, tentacles waving wildly as he danced in place. "Allow me to, uh..." He disappeared for a second and was back half a heartbeat later, more flower bulbs in his arms. "...get you fresh bulbs!"

It was impressive, really, watching the way these three middle-school girls bullied a tentacle monster capable of blowing up the Earth. "Don't plant them at Mach 20!" Okano scolded, hands on her hips as she watched Korosensei plant the bulbs one at a time.

"No! Of course not!"

Kataoka had her arms folded. "Tulips need a delicate touch!"

"Delicate! Got it!"

"Stop trying to impress us," Kataoka snapped.

Isogai and Maehara watched, stunned, as the two continued ranting. They even took shifts. "He's going to a lot of trouble for a guy that's going to blow up the planet," Maehara said as I wandered over to join the two.

"Yeah," Isogai agreed in stunned horror. "Kinda seems like a conflict of interest."

I snickered, and they glanced at me. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and a woman angry is second-place."

"Sounds like you have experience with that," Maehara mentioned. "Sister? Or girlfriend?"

I shrugged noncommittally, glancing over to the shed where I'd noticed Terasaka and his gang watching from the shadows. They didn't seem to be enjoying the show very much, if the angry sneers were any indication. Shame; black comedy is the best kind of comedy. If you can't find humor in another's suffering, you can't find humor in the worst situations. You know what they call people like that?

Well-adjusted.

Heh.

Off by the front of the building, Nagisa was scribbling away on his notepad, and I ambled over to see Kayano watching him curiously. "Whatcha writin' in your little book?" she asked him, grinning.

"It's a running list of all the chinks in Korosensei's armor," Nagisa said, his pencil flying across the page. "A good assassin keeps tabs on his target's weak spots."

I couldn't refute that, though typically I did that research with Kana when I'd accepted a job. "Hm..." Kayano hummed, peering over at what Nagisa had written. "Is that sort of thing really a weakness?" she asked him dubiously.

"Lemme see," I said, peering over his other shoulder. Hooray for being taller than him, I guess. Stupid height complexes. "Yeah, I dunno. 'When he shows off, things get shaky'?"

"Nagisa wouldn't put it in there if it wasn't," Sugino said, snatching the notepad out of Nagisa's hands with a flippant 'Thank you!' and flipping through it. "Every detail gives us an edge." I glanced over at what Nagisa had written in there. "Height, about three meters, weight, lighter than he looks, birth date, unknown... weak points, unknown..."

We all stared at it in silence for a second. "What the hell is this?" Sugino asked bluntly and remarkably casually.

"Doesn't seem like a lot to go on," Kayano opined, smiling uneasily while Sugino just gave the notebook a dull unimpressed stare.

"Maybe not at the moment," Nagisa grinned sheepishly.

Eh, I've seen worse. Besides, it always took a while to figure out the stats behind the monsters we fought. That's what made Kana so brilliant at her job, and highlighted why exactly she was so important - by making that information available to anyone with the Yrd to pay for it, she flattened the learning curve a bit. And this learning curve - pun... intended - was definitely steep; we were the only middle school class I knew of with murder as part of the curriculum. Exceptions to the general rule of 'don't murder your teacher,' that's us.

And I'm the exception to their rule - unlike the rest of these E Class kids, I've already been blooded. I know what it's like to fight for my life, and to kill. And that's what puts me at such a disadvantage, and why I'm not trying to kill Korosensei. He's good enough to sense my bloodlust the second I aim it at him, and I don't want to tip my hand just yet. I've already made a mistake already, showing the tips of my viper's fangs to him like I did... I regret that, in hindsight. I need to learn how to mask it entirely, not just cover it up with the music.

But, that's the point of this class, isn't it? To learn how to become an assassin. It's rather convenient, then, that this creature with ridiculous game-breaking stats - impossible to kill, capable of destroying the Earth, regularly makes a laughing-stock of the military - is willing to teach just under thirty kids. I'm honestly surprised that more people haven't figured out what's going on up here on this remote mountaintop.

But, then again... I did a little digging into E Class, to figure out what kind of setting I was in. E Class was the dumping ground for the undesirables and the problem children; anyone from the other four classes could be transferred into E Class if their grades slipped far enough. Our little campus in the boonies was the nightmare of the coddled brats in the main Kunugigaoka campus: 'no cafeteria, no food, the bathrooms look like something out of a horror movie, the kids are psychos, the teachers fear for their lives!' to quote a kid I overheard talking to one of his friends. Everyone that wound up in E Class was essentially there for the duration.

The mascot of the campus was a kinda-creepy anthropomorphic acorn...thing. I really don't know. But it's called Kunudon, and one brochure I found tucked away had a... rather enlightening view of what went on here at this lovely school I found myself in. Turns out, Kunugigaoka really is a good school - it's one of the top-ranked schools in the country, actually.

The Cardinal engine outdid itself making up this world, really. From what I'd managed to figure out with the parts of the code I looked at - and the parts I'd managed to sneak peeks at, just to familiarize myself with how the system worked - it was a blend of the Cardinal engine and the Fluctlights. It was why all the kids here were Fluctlights; the 'world' was generated about...fifty-some years ago, and the Fluctlights grew up there. From what I'd seen, the Cardinal engine handled the world building: making sure that all the details were aligned, prodding all the right technical innovations at the right time, things like that. Making sure that nobody saw behind the curtain, so to speak.

Anyway, back to E Class and Kunugigaoka. They didn't exactly mention this in the brochure, but I ain't stupid; the principal of this school was just running an old strategy - pick a small minority to blame everything on, and then watch as the others scramble to not have anything to do with them. Kinda like how Kazuto and the beaters were reviled so much in Aincrad, only E Class was a punishment instead of a desperate gambit to keep cohesiveness with most of the players.

I love social engineering, don't you?

A little while later, I was wandering around the front of the campus as Kayano ran past me carrying a bunch of bamboo sticks. "Oh, hey Mr. Karasuma!" I heard her say, and I headed out to see what was going on. "What are you doing here?"

"New job assignment," Karasuma said to her. "Tomorrow I join the faculty. As a P.E. teacher."

"Oh, that sounds cool!" Kayano said, jogging in place so as to not lose her pace.

"It should be fun, yeah," the agent said. I had to give him credit, he could keep a poker face with the best of them.

Kayano smiled. "Then I get to call you Professor Karasuma from now on!"

I tapped her shoulder. "Shouldn't you be getting those over to the rest of the class? You'll miss your window of opportunity if you don't hurry."

"So where exactly is your target now?" Karasuma asked us, looking around.

"Apologizing," Kayano told him. I heard heavy footsteps behind me and turned to see Okajima running past carrying a length of rope in one hand. "He messed up the tulips we planted, so we reduced his speed and he's letting us all take whacks at him."

"Less talking, more moving," I told her. "You _are_ on a time limit."

Kayano nodded and ran off, and I watched her go. "It's a good idea to restrict his mobility," I mentioned to Mr. Karasuma as the two of us followed her at a more sedate pace. "Korosensei's biggest strength is his ridiculously over-the-top speed and ability to avoid anything that comes his way easily. I'm starting to get a vague sense of what I'll need to do in order to kill him, but it's still foggy."

The commotion from the back was getting louder and louder, and when Karasuma and I arrived at the scene of the punishment I raised an eyebrow. Even with knives tied to bamboo sticks for extra reach and the target hoisted off the ground by the length of rope tied to a tree branch, he was still able to avoid everything else easily. He even had the green-striped face, the one that meant he was looking down on us. "Is he the coolest teacher ever or what?!" Kayano chirped, watching from the sidelines as the more gung-ho members of the class poked at him and fired pistols.

"A few more minutes of this and all is forgiven, right?" Korosensei asked. He didn't even sound worried. "You're a very lucky class, I'll have you know. Not many teachers would put themselves in this position!"

Wow. This was getting us nowhere. I glanced over at Nagisa, but he was just holding a pistol loosely and staring at the ridiculous scene playing out in front of us. Kayano crept over, wearing the same expression on her face and carrying a bamboo knife. "So, uh..." she said, "any luck yet?"

"Uh... no..." Nagisa said. "This is pretty much all a game to him."

Karasuma made a strangled sound deep in his throat. "This is not what the Ministry of Defense has in mind," he said, and I could _hear_ the eyebrow twitching in his voice. Joke's on him - screw the Ministry of Defense!

"Wait, hang on a minute," Nagisa said, suddenly energized by something. "There's bound to be a corresponding weakness." He dug out his notebook and Kayano looked over curiously. Honestly, if that notebook manages to have something related to... to whatever this shouting and stabbing thing over in the distance that I'm trying pretty hard not to look at is, I'll be amazed.

Korosensei cackled mockingly, and I glanced over at the octopus piñata. "Shoot and stab all you want, class!" he taunted. "Even with this handicap I am too fast for you! Only in your dreams do you have any hope of getting the deed do-one!"

There was a weird little hitch in his voice in the end there. That was because that was the moment the tree branch holding him up snapped from the force of a wildly flailing octopus monster. Korosensei crashed to the ground with a startled sound, and everyone just kinda stared at him, not really sure how to react.

Should... Should I say something? Maybe grab the pistol holstered on my hip and take a shot?

Another few seconds passed, and everyone let out a sound of confusion and resigned acceptance. It sounded pretty much like, "...Uh..."

Then the attackers all shouted, "Kill him!" and charged all at once.

"Aaaaahh!" Korosensei shouted, struggling wildly to free himself from his bonds. "Wait wait wait! This wasn't part of the deal!" he protested, rolling and flailing around to avoid the stabs and bullets. "Easy! Oh crap oh crap oh crap!"

Huh. What do you know.

Korosensei Weakness Number One: When he shows off, things get shaky.

It was fucking applicable. Goooooods damn.

"Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap!"

"Well," Kayano said, smiling, "your notes are bound to come in handy at some point!"

I spared a glance at Karasuma, and if his eyes were any indication he could barely believe what he was seeing. Nagisa, on the other hand, was happily satisfied. "Right! That's why I'm jotting everything down."

"Wait!" Korosensei shouted, trying to get untied. "My tentacles are all tangled up in the ropes!" He was trying to get free, but somehow he... I don't even _know_. But needless to say, he wasn't wearing his smug stripes anymore. "This isn't what I had in mind!"

Korosensei Weakness Number Two: He loses his cool pretty easily.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"

He finally managed to jump away with a blast of dust and wind and a final shout of, "Stop it!" He easily cleared the roof the school.

"Hey!" one of the stabbers shouted. "Get back down here!"

Korosensei landed on the roof and raised two tentacles triumphantly. "Haha! What's the matter, children?" he crowed. "Can't jump this high? Oh, wait. _Of course not_!" He folded his tentacles and started cackling maniacally, as though he hadn't just made a total fool out of himself five seconds ago.

"Oh man!" the kid shouted. "We were so close!"

Korosensei's laughter shifted pretty quickly to panting as he doubled over, placing his tentacles on where his knees should be. After a few heavy breaths, he wiped at his face. "Guess who's earned themselves extra homework!" he declared, his easy-going smile and yellow face somehow a little menacing.

"No fair!" we all shouted up at him.

Korosensei Weakness Number Three: He's petty.

With another crazy laugh he blasted off into the sky. "Where's he going?" Mimura asked.

"We're getting closer to a solution, I can feel it!" Kataoka shouted, face flushed with the exertion.

Isogai turned around and pumped his fist. "Keep this up and it's only a matter of time before we got him!"

Everyone that had been involved in the punishment attack was celebrating and talking to each other. I'll give it to them, it was actually a pretty good attempt. There were obvious flaws in their approach - they still weren't acting as a synchronized unit, of course, and the tactics didn't extend much beyond 'put sharp pointy thing in place where he is right now' and 'aim gun, pull trigger'. Still, though, after only a month? Pretty damn good. These kids are pretty creative at what they do.

I caught Mr. Karasuma watching them and grinned. "A bunch of middle school kids, excited about murder, right?" I asked him. "What you were thinking."

"Something like that," he nodded grimly. "Strangest. Class. Ever."

I just laughed. "I have some stories that could rival it, but... eh. Another time, maybe." Not to mention all of them take place in this world's future, so... let's not get into time-related shenanigans if I can help it.

"So what do you think?" Kayano asked Nagisa, grinning. "Do we have a chance?"

"Oh, yeah, no doubt," Nagisa agreed instantly, straightening up a little. "Least, I hope so, or it's going to be a really awkward graduation ceremony."

"It's a funny thing," Karasuma said absently, and I glanced over at him. "The system's given up on you kids, but look at you..."

I looked over where Yada and Okano were jumping up and down, holding hands and giggling, and where Isogai, Maehara, and Mimura were sketching rough battle plans in the dirt. Every one of them was one of the kids that was supposed to be the example, the punishment that scared the other kids straight. They weren't supposed to be having fun up here. And yet, here they were, laughing gleefully, full of energy. Maybe it was Korosensei's fault. I blame that laughing octopus.

"A bunch of kids, cheerfully talking about killing," Karasuma repeated, more to himself. "This class is insane."

I just laughed and shook my head. "Well, there's not much to think about it," I said absently. "It's just that maybe, just maybe, we're all mad up here."

My grin felt like it was stretched a touch too wide, and my low chuckles sounded a bit crazy to my ears, but I didn't care. After all, I _was_ mad.

I look forward to killing this teacher.

* * *

 **Oh hey! Nick isn't exactly playing nice with the other kids, but he's not being actively hostile. Except Okajima. He hates him. Don't know why.**

 **Anyway, Sugino tried to assassinate Korosensei off-screen, but failed. Nick then proceeded to be a pretty big jerk accidentally, which is nothing new. Also – Nick's still not 100% sold on Nagisa's gender, especially in the mornings.**

 **Anyway, if Nick's speech and thought patterns seem to be weird, that's on purpose. If not because his Fluctlight was damaged by the succinylcholine, then because he's starting to loosen up a bit. That being said, he** _ **is**_ **still five/six years older than the other kids, so he sees things a little bit differently than they do, for now. He's also kinda standoff-ish, like Nagisa mentioned, but he still gets along with Kayano and Nagisa (and now I guess Sugino).**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 2**

 **(Part 1 is in Chapter 1)**

She led me to what I assumed to be an unused bedroom, though it wasn't totally empty; there was a closet along the wall next to the door and a desk with a large mirror on top along the other wall, along with some drawers that looked like they hadn't been touched for a while. Sitting me down on the chair facing away from the mirror, Asuna slipped out of the room and came back a while later with what looked like a pink hairdresser's cape and a few things for the haircut - a brush and scissors and a bag full of other things. I figured they were other scissors, or things like hair ties or combs or something. Why did she even have half of this stuff?

"My mother believes in being prepared," she said with a smile at my questioning look. "And my brother was always kind enough to let me practice on him, so I've gotten pretty good at it. The sheet might be a bit, um, pink, but it's all we have... Sorry."

Not like I cared, really. I just shrugged again and sat patiently as she draped the sheet around me and fastened it behind my neck. After spritzing my hair with water she brushed it out, getting it straight, and I realized it was a lot longer than I'd thought. And I mean a _lot longer._ When my hair grew out, it tended to get wavy and a little bit curly, so I hadn't noticed how long it had grown; because I always just pushed the front to the side, I never realized, but it fell over my eyes. I mean, I knew it was getting out of control, but this was ridiculous. "This is nice," she said softly as she started cutting. "Getting to do this for you, that is."

"Doing what?" I asked, moving my eyes to the left where I could feel her hands. "Giving me a haircut?"

"Well," she said, "more like getting to cut my brother's hair in general. I always wanted a younger brother, you know? It wasn't the same with my older brother. With him, it always felt like he was humoring me..."

Her hands stopped moving as she spoke, one hand leaving my head, and I tried to turn around to look at her. "Asuna?" There had been an odd note in her voice. Was she crying? She could be using one hand to wipe at her eyes.

"Don't move, Nick," she said, as she forced my head back forward. "I might screw up and leave a bald spot."

"...Don't do that," I sighed. "I might not care about my appearance that much, but a bald patch crosses the line. If you do, I'm not helping you with your homework again."

"Really?"

"...No, not really... The homework is too important for you for me to do that."

"Such a gentleman, aren't you?" Asuna teased as she ruffled my hair before straightening it out with the brush again.

I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"Fufufu..." Asuna giggled quietly.

 **Asuna and Nick can be adorable when they're alone together.**


	4. Karma Time

**Chapter 4: Karma Time**

* * *

Training is important.

I'll never dispute that little truth of the world. Pretty much the only reason that I survived the early days of Aincrad was because Kazuto was kind - and patient - enough to beat that factoid into me. If we didn't grind, we weren't going to last long, and the only way to get stronger was to, well... train. Over and over again, fighting the same monsters until the knife motions were second-nature, and then training more until I was able to figuratively fight monsters in my sleep.

It might be literal - I think I passed out at one point in a dungeon on the first floor, but Kazuto said he didn't know what I was talking about. All I know is, there was a blank spot in my memories.

Regardless of my sleep-fighting abilities, I was definitely a proponent of training. There was something therapeutic about just drilling the same movements over and over and over and over until my arms burned and sweat poured off of me. Logically I knew that the peaceful feeling was just a product of physical exhaustion, mental exhaustion, and endorphins released by the physical activity, but it still _felt_ nice.

With all that being said...

"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight!"

...I was interminably bored.

"One! Two!"

Don't get me wrong. This body I'd found myself in – well, really, it was my body, only five or six years younger than it should be – was shorter than my real body, and I hadn't realized just how much I'd gotten used to my new height. Seriously, going from just over 170 centimeters to about 160 didn't sound like much, but the difference in size, reach, height, all of it, meant I had to relearn all of my reflexes again.

And that meant training those reflexes. I was going along with the drill, of course, and I wasn't slacking. Every knife strike needed to be accurate, with as much strength and speed as I could put into it without my technique declining. There was an illusory target in front of me, and my every slash and stab struck it dead on.

"Three! Four!"

Karasuma had outlined a choreographed knife drill for all of us during our P.E. class this afternoon, and we were just standing here in the sun slashing over and over again. I never would argue against his orders; he was our instructor for this class, and arguing with the instructor just led to bad things happening. I remember singing a song to Asuna, a long time ago in a glade in a floating castle... ~ _Your swordsmaster's God, whoever he be, when he stands there before you to teach. So don't argue or whine, or mock foolishly, or you'll soon be consulting the leech~._ Karasuma was my knife instructor, and he knew what he was doing.

"Five! Six!"

That, of course, in no way made what we were doing any less _boring_.

"Seven! Eight!"

I cut my teeth on monsters trying to gore me, trample me, bite me in half, cut me to shreds, and otherwise maim and brutalize my body, and that was just the _first day_. Standing here, on a flat grassy plain, following a simple plan? Pfft.

"One! Two! Three! Four!"

A diagonal slash across the body, followed by a horizontal slice. Another horizontal slice in the opposite direction, then a stab towards the center mass.

"Five! Six! Seven! Eight!"

A lunging upward slice diagonally across the guard, then stab and rip out. A horizontal slice away from the body, then another diagonal slash towards the body. The only difference in the strikes was the weight and balance of my body, and keeping my balance when striking with a knife was literally second-nature to me at this point - hells, I've had so much experience with a knife it might even be first-nature.

It was all just so... peaceful. Peaceful enough that I was able to focus on perfect swings while still letting my mind drift.

Korosensei was standing on the hill dressed in something other than his typical graduation cap and teaching robes; instead, he wore a physical education outfit, with a baseball cap and a loose white shirt with his name scribbled across it. The typical uniform, in other words. He looked like he was enjoying the nice day out, smiling out at us without a care in the world. He even had a flower to smell - one of the wild ones. He hadn't made that mistake again, ever since Kataoka and Okano bullied him into replanting every one of the twenty-six tulips, one at a time and by hand. "Ah," he sighed. "The sounds of a choreographed exercise regimen echoing across the fields on a golden afternoon. So peaceful... So... militant..."

"Make those knives sing!" Karasuma barked out at us. He was standing next to Korosensei, hands on his hips as he watched us with hawk-like eyes. It was pretty jarring, seeing a normal person up there as a teacher. Especially with the way he contrasted against Korosensei, all sharp lines and angles to Korosensei's... roundness. Plus, he always scowled. I liked him better than I liked Korosensei's omnipresent smile. "Treat every move like a legit kill strike!"

I was breathing harshly by this point. This new body was still in relatively poor shape, and it'd take a while to whip it back to my standards. Of course, the first time I'd started I'd had the advantage of basically starting from scratch, whereas this body was in the negatives. Where were skill points when I needed them?

"You're in the way here, pal," Karasuma told Korosensei while still watching us. "Phys Ed is my department now."

"But..." Korosensei protested. "But I'm lonely..."

Karasuma didn't seem to have a sympathetic bone in his body. "Find something else to do, then. Like... I dunno." He gestured behind him with his thumb. "There's a sandbox, have a field day."

I grinned when I saw Korosensei playing in the sandbox, piling sand together with tears streaming from his eyes and a depressed aura hanging around him. Karasuma might be harsh with the octopus, but it made for some hilarious theater to watch while drilling the strikes. "You don't have to be so insensitive," Korosensei sobbed. "The kids liked it better when I was their gym coach anyhow!"

Before long, Karasuma called a halt to the drill and we could address that particular bit of misinformation. "Yeah, not so much," Artist Guy said, hefting his knife. "No offense or anything, but when it comes to exercise, you..."

"...Set the bar kinda high," Sugino finished.

Ain't that the truth. It's still pretty easy to remember the exercise drills he had us running last time.

...

"Alright, let's just try a simple side-to-side jumping maneuver," Korosensei told us. Not hard; a little difficult, since it relied on keeping your balance through the entire jump, and speed was directly related to how well you controlled your weight. If you took too long to get your weight centered, you'd be slow on the next jump. Honestly, I wasn't fantastic at this drill in the real world. Alfheim was another matter entirely, of course. "Watch closely, and I'll show ya how it's done."

An instant later, Korosensei was blurring left and right fast enough to leave afterimages. "Are you kidding me?!" half the class roared in shock.

"Once you've got the rhythm," Korosensei told us, not even bothered by the activity in the slightest, "throw some cat's cradle into the mix!" Suddenly, red string was in his hands, a different pattern for each of the three positions. Now he was just showing off...

"Wow! He is seriously good!" some of the students shouted in shock.

...

"Like we could keep up with _that_ ," Nakamura said.

"We're human beings, you know," Sugino said. "I, for one, think our coach should be too." I was just watching all this with a sharply amused smile on my face. A few of the other kids had uneasy grins as we all ganged up to shatter Korosensei's hopes and dreams.

"Gueh!" Korosensei noised, looking over from where he was stacking stones. He then proceeded to wallow in pity and despair, letting out odd little choking sobs every now and then. Delicious.

"Right!" Karasuma shouted. "Back to work, people."

"Can I ask an obvious question, sir?" Maehara said when very few of the students actually went back to their spots. "If there's an actual point to this training, should, uh... should we be practicing right in front of our target?"

Eh... I can see he has a point, but what good would it do to sneak around? Korosensei's already faster than anyone in the world. If he wants to avoid us, it'd be child's play to do so. Trying to hide our preparations, especially when it was just basic drilling, was pointless unless when we were trying to catch him by surprise.

Karasuma seemed to agree... kinda? "Whether killing or studying," he told us, "it's the same principle. Drill the basics, and they'll serve you well." Words of wisdom. Y-Yuuki only ever used the most basic Sword Skills, but she was the best damn swordswoman I'd ever seen. "Isogai, Maehara, step up."

Ah. An example. Those were always fun.

The two named students walked up in front of him, the rest of us dropping back a bit. "I want you to try to tag me with those knives," he said.

"Wait," Isogai said, back stiffening in surprise. "Like, as a team?"

Maehara stared at Karasuma. "Do you think that's a good idea?" I folded my arms and let out a derisive snort. Oh please, you're not gonna touch him.

"The blades are harmless. They weren't designed to injure human beings." Is that a challenge? I think that's a _challenge_. "Tell you what. Manage to hit me," he said, loosening his tie, "and you can go home for the day."

Isogai and Maehara looked at each other. "Uh... Okay..." Isogai said. The two of them dropped into a ready stance. "Well, here goes nothing."

They hesitated a heartbeat, and at that point I knew they were never going to tag him.

Isogai was first off the mark, lunging with a straightforward stab. It was the fastest technique, and most likely to score - it was one of the main reasons Asuna was technically faster at attacking that Kazuto was. Her technique was fencing, not kendo, and thrust-retract had less wasted movement than swinging. It was still futile, though; Karasuma just breezed out of the way, not even blinking, and Isogai lost his balance, stumbling a few steps. "Come on," Karasuma taunted lightly.

Maehara gritted his teeth and approached, taking the bait. Like Isogai, he tried for another straight stab, and like last time Karasuma stepped out of the way. This time, however, he countered; one palm brushed against Maehara's wrist, controlling the blade and moving his arm back, while he shoved with his other hand. Maehara went a little bit further than I think the kid had intended to lunge, which gave Karasuma enough leeway to dodge out of the way of Isogai's slash.

The two students tried their best to land a score on him - slashing and stabbing - but Karasuma effortlessly blocked every single attack, not even bothering to move his feet. "See that, kids?" he called out to us. "Even with the bare minimum know-how..." He blocked a strike from both sides, and I blinked. I think I recognize some of those techniques, but they were being executed so much faster than I thought possible for a human being. "...I can practically dodge their attacks in my sleep. They've got no technique." Beside me, I saw Nagisa staring at the fight in awe.

Isogai and Maehara gritted their teeth, pride stung by the criticism. As one, they both lowered their heads and rushed for the stab, which gave Karasuma the perfect way to finish it. He grabbed their wrists before the knives struck him and moved for the first time since he'd planted his feet, redirecting their momentum and throwing them to the ground.

They both crashed with grunts. "If you can't land a hit against a guy like me," he told them, "you haven't got a prayer against a target whose top speed is Mach 20. See?" He looked over to where we'd left Korosensei stacking stones. "We've been sparring for half a minute, and look!"

What the hell. Korosensei was kneeling in an ornate outfit, sipping a steaming cup of what I assumed by the scent to be freshly-made tea. "He's used that time to change clothes, make tea, _and_ build a model of Osaka Castle," Karasuma gritted. Seriously, what the hell? It was pretty damn detailed, too. How'd he do that with just sand?

"That is so _irritating_!" one of the guys in the class muttered.

Karasuma turned and offered his hands to Isogai and Maehara, and they took them. As he helped them stand, he said, "And that's why we drill. If the whole class can hit me, you have a shot." He readjusted his tie, tightening it up again.

"Are you okay, Nick?" Nagisa asked me, and I blinked. "Your smile's kinda..."

I didn't realize it... I shook my head and schooled my expression back to normal. "It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine," I said rapidly.

"...Okay..."

Holy shit. I want to _fight_ him. I want to go against his skill, see how mine holds up. The nice thing about knives is that aside from the bare minimum necessary to penetrate guards and actually stab the target, they require more technique and skill than brute force. This body might still be weak, but my knife work hasn't rusted in the slightest. I've been practicing every night. "Do what I tell you as often as I tell you to do it," Karasuma said, "and you'll become assassins." Ah. He's just restating what I already know.

He turned to face the rest of us. "This isn't recess, kids. From now on, gym class will be about the basics. Stabbing, correct use of firearms, everything you need to succeed."

"...Okay," Isogai murmured.

"Alright!" Karasuma told us all, and I blinked. "That oughta do it for today."

"Thank you, sir," we all chorused, bowing to him.

That was when I felt the tingle down my spine. I swallowed and looked for the source, rolling my shoulders - it was coming from somewhere behind me. Who was going to try killing someone? Bloodlust was pouring off of someone like waves from an ocean, and it was distracting. There! There's someone at the top of the hill.

As the class split up, I kept watch on the red-headed figure standing at the top of the hill. Who is this one? They're tall, whoever they are. If they're here, then they're supposed to be. Nobody would willingly walk all the way up here just to sightsee. Come to think of it, there's that seat next to me that's always empty. Is there supposed to be another student in the class? But if that's the case, then where are they?

I could hear some of the girls chatting behind me. "This is so intense!" one girl said. "He's terrifying but cool at the same time!"

"I know!" I recognized that voice, at least. It was Wavy Orange Hair - Kurahashi, I'd learned one morning. "He wants you to hurt him, but he'll pat you on the head if you do it right!" She, uh, reminds me of Keiko, for some reason.

"He's a good teacher," a third girl agreed.

I heard Korosensei's voice, but it was too far away for me to actually make out the words. The sudden blast of wind was enough to tell me something had made Korosensei move at incredible speeds for a second, but it wasn't the sort of gust we got when he took off and actually left. Probably just someone trying an assassination attempt.

The bell finally rang as students started filing back to class, but I didn't move, letting the people flow around me. I was still staring at that red-head up on the top of the hill. He looked tall, but I know I have issues judging height; adjusting for my complex, he's probably taller than anyone here, but not abnormally so. He might just be that last student that's been missing since I started here. The black jacket wasn't something anyone else wore, but then again I never bothered with the tie and Nagisa wore a vest every day. People had differing levels of devotion to the school dress code. He was carrying a juice box, but I couldn't tell what kind of juice from this far away.

What finally made me move was the reaction when Nagisa finally looked up to see the figure myself. He froze stock still and stared. When he reacted like that, I moved quickly, slipping past the rest of the students between me and him and Sugino. Whoever this one was, he threw Nagisa, and that kid was practically the definition of unflappable.

I caught up to them just in time to hear him ask, "Karma... You're back?"

The red-head - Karma? Pretty cool name. Sounds like something you'd find in an MMO - just smiled and chuckled.

Still, it might be the strange look in his eyes, the way he had one hand stuffed into his pocket, or it might be the constant pressure of bloodlust, but he put me on edge.

"Oh hey!" Karma said suddenly, walking down the steps smoothly towards Nagisa, Sugino, and myself - and then kept right on going. "That must be the notorious Korosensei! Wow! He really does look like an octopus!" He stopped in front of our teacher, the entire class turning to look at what was about to happen.

"Ah," Korosensei said, raising a tentacle, "Mr. Akabane, correct?" Karma Akabane... I'll be keeping an eye on you. "I understand your suspension ends today. Welcome back. That said, tardiness is a no-no," he scolded, his face turning purple and making the incorrect buzzer sound.

Karma laughed sheepishly. "It's kinda tricky getting back into the swing of things. Oh! Feel free to call me by my first name." He grinned and offered his hand for Korosensei to shake. "Anyway, I've heard some good things, Teach. Nice to meetcha."

"Pleasure's all mine," Korosensei replied. "Should be a fun and education year." He reached out with his tentacle and clasped Karma's hand in a firm handshake. Hm. Is it really a handshake when one party has-

Korosensei's tentacle exploded into goop.

"Uehh?!" Our teacher gasped.

I had just enough time to suck in a startled breath before Karma was moving. He tossed his juice box in the air and flicked his wrist. An Anti-Sensei knife slid out and Karma slashed. Korosensei blurred out of the way and ended up a few feet to the side, sweating and watching Karma.

"Ah," Karma sighed, straightening up, "you _are_ fast, aren't'cha?" He laughed playfully. "And who'd a thought these knives actually _work_? I just cut one up into strips and tacked 'em on!" He stared at his hand derisively. "Pretty elementary stuff, chief. I'm disappointed that's all it took to catch you by surprise!" He showed his palm to Korosensei and us by extension, and I let out a soft 'hm' at the sight of the Anti-Sensei material tacked to his palm. "But good jump! If you don't mind comin' off like a fraidy-cat."

Karma dropped his hands back into his pockets and started strolling towards Korosensei, who hadn't said a word. "What, are ya scared of me?" Karma taunted. Interesting... So this is how Korosensei reacts when he's been injured. This was the first time any of the students had scored, wasn't it? With a shlorping sound, Korosensei's tentacle regrew. "I heard they call you Korosensei because you're unkillable..." Karma stopped in front of the octopus and the octopus _flinched_ back. "Oh come on," Karma murmured, leaning in towards Korosensei. "No way you can be _this_ big of a pushover."

Korosensei went red with anger, but I could see he was still sweating. Even as veins bulged in his face and he growled in restrained anger, I could tell that he was nervous. "Hey, Nagisa?" Kayano asked. "What kind of person is this Karma guy?"

"I'm interested myself," I added dryly. "He's... interesting."

"Uh..." Nagisa blinked a few times. "He and I were in the same class first and second year. He was violent... So violent they finally expelled him, shipped him here. E Class is where they send you when they don't know what else to do with you. Thing is..." Karma was apparently finished with Korosensei, because he straightened up and was walking towards us. "Under the circumstances, he may end up a star student."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Kayano asked Nagisa.

"Weapons and blood are his passion." Karma pulled the knife from his sleeve and stared at it, a faint smile on his face. He started flipping it around and I realized it was a butterfly knife - useful in the right situations, but more or less designed to look cool and show off rather than be a real weapon. "Trust me, if anyone could kill our teacher, it's Karma." With a final twirl, Karma closed the butterfly knife and shoved it in his pocket.

"I don't know..." I mused, watching Karma walk away from Korosensei. I could feel it, though - Karma had a predator's eye on Korosensei. I couldn't tell what shape it took, I hadn't been on the receiving end, but his bloodlust was pulsing. "He's skilled at trickery, at the very least, and he didn't have any hesitation, but..." I shook my head. "I haven't seen enough, yet."

"Trust me, he's really strong," Nagisa insisted.

"Hm." I just nodded and let it drop. We'll see. We will see...

* * *

There were two things that kept me from focusing on the test in front of me.

One was the fact that yes, Karma was, in fact, the one sitting in the seat next to me. His bloodlust pulsed erratically, making me twitch and breaking my concentration every single time it happened. It was sick and polluted, and it was starting to make me feel a little woozy.

The other, well...

 _Plorp. Plorp. Plorp._

I sighed and scribbled down the final answer. These questions were far beneath me, but...

 _Plorp. Plorp. Plorp._

I sighed again and stared at the front of the room where Korosensei was standing, repeatedly punching a wall. It was kinda pathetic, really, the way his tentacles squished with every punch.

"Um..." I heard Mimura whisper. "What is he doing?"

"I dunno," Yada whispered back. "I think he's punching the wall."

 _Plorp. Plorp._

"No, you're right," Isogai whispered. "Karma's smack talk really seems to have touched a nerve."

 _Plorp._

Maehara leaned forward, probably to get a better look. "But what's the point of punching a wall when his tentacles are too soft to do any damage?"

Korosensei Weakness Number Four: His punches are weak.

 _Plorp._

"Okay, that's enough!" Okano roared. "Could you maybe stop that?! We're trying to take a quiz here!" Scary. Almost as scary as Shino or Asuna when they got mad. It must be a girl thing.

"Sorry, yes, a-absolutely!" Korosensei babbled.

Beside me, Terasaka was leaning back on his chair. "You sure you know what you're getting yourself into, Karma?" he asked. "The jellyfish is sincerely pissed off at you."

"You can't pay me enough to be in your shoes," Yoshida added, glancing back.

"If I was you, I'd stay at home with my head under a pillow." Yes, Muramatsu, but that's because you're a coward and a spineless idiot.

No, I wasn't holding a grudge about the time they nearly made Nagisa blow himself up, that is ridiculous.

"'Course he's pissed," Karma brushed their 'warnings' off. "Who wouldn't be if someone made an attempt on their life? 'Less the would-be assassin screwed up and pissed himself in the process."

I let out a dry laugh. Seems Karma heard about Terasaka's attempt. The thug in question glared angrily. "I didn't piss myself," he growled, slamming a fist on his desk for emphasis. "That attitude's gonna get your ass kicked -"

"Quiet please!" Korosensei snapped, leveling a tentacle at us. "No noise during a quiz!"

"Tell that to the tentacles," someone muttered.

"Any more sounds and I _will_ assume that you are cheating!"

"Sorry, Korosensei, my bad!" Karma apologized, and all of my bullshit detector alarms started blaring. "No worries though, I've already finished." Grinning, he pulled an ice cream cone from... somewhere. "I'll just eat this gelato, if that's okay."

"Hey, hook me up," I grumbled. "I want some gelato."

Karma glanced over at me and shrugged. "Sure! Here you go." He produced a second cone of the sweet treat and I gladly accepted it with a murmured thanks.

"Hey! Not so fast! No eating in class!" Korosensei scolded. I rolled my eyes. It wasn't like I was going to disrupt anyone, so why not enjoy the treat? Then Korosensei stared at the gelato Karma and I were eating. "Hey!" he shrieked. "That's the gelato I brought back from Italy yesterday!"

I could _feel_ the moment the entire class went, _Uh-oh_.

Huh. No wonder it was so tasty. I gave it another lick. "Where'd you get this?" I asked Karma.

He grinned, but his eyes were on Korosensei. "Oh, it was just chillin' in the faculty lounge, so I took it! Sorry, Teach, my bad!"

Ah. So Korosensei kept his snacks in the fridge... I'll have to check in now and again, see if there's anything tasty. "This won't do, young man!" Korosensei snapped. "I flew through the coldest layer of the stratosphere to keep that delicious treat from melting! And _Nick!_ Stop eating it!"

I paused midway through taking another bite. "Mmmph?" I swallowed and licked my lips. "Why? It's good."

Karma just laughed at Korosensei's anger and deliberately took a long, slow lick. "Yeah? So? What're you gonna do? Hit me?" I could taste the derision coming from his words. It tasted like strawberry and - no, no, wait, that was the gelato.

"Of course not!" Korosensei huffed, face red with anger, before starting to walk back menacingly. "I'll simply have it back and finish what's left, thank you very much!"

His foot tentacle exploded with a soft pop. I double-checked to make sure none of the yellow goop got on my gelato.

"Ueh?" Korosensei stammered, looking down. I grinned; I'd noticed Karma laying the trap out earlier, and I could see how he beautifully baited Korosensei into falling for it.

He'd covered the entire back half of the classroom floor with Anti-Sensei Pellets, mocked the teacher for being impotent, and then just waited for the fish to bite down on the hook on its own accord. "Anti-Me BBs?" Korosensei yelped, before blurring to the side an instant before Karma's gun - the one he'd had hidden in his desk - discharged.

Karma tried a few more failed shots before letting out a dry little chuckle. "Wow, that's twice in one day, Teach!" Korosensei lifted a foot uneasily, staring at the dripping stump. "I'm gonna keep pulling the same old tricks," he warned, walking towards the teacher with his gun trained on where I assumed Korosensei's heart was. "Class'll get interrupted, our grades will slip..." Well, theirs might. Mine won't. "Let's be straight up, though," Karma said, lowering his gun as he stopped right in front of Korosensei. "If you want this to stop, you could just kill me. Or anyone else in this class for that matter."

He thrust forward, and I frowned as I watched him smear the gelato all over Korosensei's robes. Waste of a good dessert... I took another bite of my own treat and frowned when I realized it was all gone. "You just gotta let go of wanting us to see you as our teacher." Karma smiled menacingly, letting the gelato cone drop. "Give us a taste of your ugly side." He looked up, and the bloodlust flared, making me twitch and frown. "Or you could make peace with all this," he snarled, "accept that _I'll_ be the one to kill _you_!"

An instant later his smile was back to normal. "Here's my quiz," he said, tossing the paper in the air. "Easy-peasy." He walked past Korosensei without a care in the world and slid the door to the classroom open. "Peace out for now, Teach," he said, glancing over. "What do ya say we play again tomorrow?"

This kid definitely wasn't afraid to stoop to whatever lows he needed to fall to in order to push Korosensei's buttons. It was almost admirable, really... _Almost_ being the key word. I was a mercenary, yes, so by default that meant I had no real morals or scruples to speak of - I was ruled by the bottom line, plain and simple. That didn't stop me from having my own personal bonds, rules that I would never break and lines I would never cross. They were few and far between; off the top of my head, the only rules I really followed were 'I won't ever hurt or lie to the ones I care about' and 'Always fulfil the contract; neither indebt myself nor engender debt.' Karma... He didn't strike me as the person not to have those rules and lines, but more as the person that would claim to have those boundaries until the instant something he wanted lay outside one of them. Then, he'd shatter it in a heartbeat to get what he wanted.

People like that were... volatile but easy to manipulate, really. Just figure out what they want, and then make sure that you were out of the way while your enemies were in the way. Of course, if they ever figured out you were playing them, bad things would happen to you, so don't let them figure it out.

But, given the way Karma blew through the test, just as fast if not faster than me, he was also incredibly intelligent. I wasn't sure which of us might be smarter, really; I hadn't seen enough to make a decision. I was slowly filling in the borders of the puzzle that was Karma, but every piece just made the blanks on the inside that much bigger.

Interesting. Very interesting. I stood up with a grin and handed Korosensei my own test. "Probably got a hundred," I told him. "Gelato was pretty good, too. Mind if I take my own leave, since this is the last class?" I just tilted my head with an innocent smile when Korosensei looked at me. "I'll just take silence as a no, then. Later."

With a cheery wave, I grabbed my bag and slipped out of the class. When the door slid shut behind me, I let out an explosive breath and re-centered myself. I let myself get swept up in Karma's flow... Dangerous. He had a magnetic personality, the kind that most people could only dream of. In a way, he reminded me of Kazuto in that way, that almost effortless magnetism that drew people's eyes and made them listen to his words. Honestly enough, he was someone I probably would be able to get along with - it looked like he was upfront about what he wanted to do.

What interested me most was the way Karma took one look at Korosensei and figured out the limits that the teacher would not - could not - cross and still be able to call himself a teacher. Those limits were what Karma was going to use to try to kill Korosensei.

He's clever, he's manipulative, he's cold as ice... He effortlessly drew a line in the sand that Korosensei couldn't cross without changing how the students saw him. As loath as I am to admit it, right now, when I wasn't going to make my own attempt...

Karma is probably the person most likely to get the kill.

"Well, well. I was wondering how long it would take you."

The cool voice was, while startling, not unexpected. "Karma," I said, giving him a smile that matched his own. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, please," he laughed. The laugh was just as dry and lifeless as the others. "You've been watching me, haven't you? Trying to figure out what makes me tick?"

I studied him, then let my lips shift into a lazy smirk. "Mm. Nah, not worth it. Once you've had your teeth broken by the octopus, then maybe," I drawled. Heh. That should piss him off nicely.

For an instant, Karma's easygoing facade crumbled, and I saw his eyes harden in anger. Then, it was gone like it'd never existed and Karma was smiling like he always was. "Oh yeah?" he asked me, tilting his head back to look down at me. Stupid tall people. "Well, I'll see ya around, Nick. Just sit back and let a real killer do the job for you." I knew he'd try to do something like that, but while he was talented at reading people, I'd had more years of practice in hiding myself, cloaking my weaknesses in a shell. He'd figure it out sooner or later, but for now his words just bounced off.

Karma turned and walked away, strolling off campus with his hands in his pockets. As for me... I'm gonna go see if there's anything left in that fridge he mentioned earlier. I have money, but if I don't have to pay for it then it tastes so much better. Just have to make sure Karasuma isn't in there, or I'll be in trouble.

He wasn't, but the fridge was empty; so, snack-less, I had to waste time until the final bell rang and classes were over for the day. I had some shopping to do, so I tagged along with Nagisa, Sugino, and Mimura as we all traipsed down the mountain. I didn't really talk all that much, but I answered questions when I was directly asked. Still, I think Nagisa picked up on my silence and kinda helped out, steering the conversation away from things where I'd need to answer.

We finally reached the station and that's where Sugino and Mimura split off from us, calling their goodbyes. "Whatcha thinking about?" Nagisa asked me.

I shrugged. "Oh, y'know... Murder stuff." I couldn't rightly tell him I was absently planning on how to kill Karma should it come to that, could I? Not that I'd ever go through with it. It was just long-standing habit.

"Are you kidding me? Is that actually Nagisa?" Nagisa stiffened at the voice behind us, and I shifted in place slightly.

I glanced over my shoulder to see two students from Kunugigaoka standing there, sneering at us - or just Nagisa, rather. I cracked my thumb. One was short and fat, with a flat nose and dumb-looking eyes, and the other was gawky and scrawny, wearing glasses that just served to highlight how pale he was. That one reminded me of a gecko, for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why. "Look at that guy," Fatso said. "All cozy with the E Class dumbasses."

"Ew, gross," Lizard sneered. I cracked the rest of my knuckles on my right hand one at a time. "Gotta hand it to him, though, he's adapted to the crowd he's gonna spend the rest of his life with."

Nagisa seemed a little shaken, and I glanced at him. "Old classmates of yours? They seem to know of you," I observed. He nodded silently. I cracked the knuckles on my left hand.

"Hey, did you hear the news?" Fatso said to Lizard. "Now that his suspension's over, they moved that Akabane nut over to E Class."

"Ooh, dude, no kidding? I'd rather be dead then stuck in a classroom with that freak!"

When I heard glass shatter I turned around quickly.

Karma was standing there, holding a shattered bottle in one hand, and the two dweebs were cowering from him in fear, gibbering. "Seriously?" Karma asked them, brandishing the bottle. "Because I can help you out with that." He grinned, leveling the bottle at their throats. "It'd be messy... but real quick."

"I'd rather live, thanks!" Fatso whined. Lizard didn't even stick around long enough to eat his words, he just bolted. Fatso followed him shortly thereafter, shrieking something about running away.

With a contemptuous laugh, Karma tossed the bottle aside. "Like I'd actually do anything, right?" he laughed as Nagisa and I turned to watch him. "I'm not gonna risk another suspension with the once-in-a-lifetime deal they're giving me in E Class."

"Uh, hey..." Nagisa said awkwardly as Karma walked over to join the two of us.

"Yeah, hey Nagisa," Karma greeted the blue-haired boy. "Hello again, Nick."

"Karma," I greeted him coolly. "Nice job on dealing with the idiots."

"It was no big deal," he grinned slightly before turning back to Nagisa. "Hey, is it cool if I pick your brain for a sec? Word is," he said as we all walked through the gates, "you've been keeping notes on the octopus."

"Um, well... I kinda have," Nagisa said.

"Does he hate that nickname?" Karma asked. "Us calling him octopus, I mean?"

"Now that you mention it," Nagisa said thoughtfully, "whenever he draws himself, it's always as an octopus. And that's the skin he picks for the character he plays in every video game. _And_ , there's this thing he does with the sandbox." I vaguely remember seeing that once... Korosensei dug a hole and then buried himself in it, with only his face showing.

'Octopus trap,' he called it. I was so very confused when I saw it.

"So no," Nagisa finished, "I don't think he minds at all." The train terminal was kinda busy, with a bunch of Kunugigaoka kids loitering about. "In fact, I think it's kinda his personal avatar or whatever, y'know? He loves it."

" _Does_ he?" Karma mused, bringing his hand to his chin. "That's good. Oh, this is gonna be freakin' _epic_." I twitched. I hate that word unless it's referring to a literary work of sufficient length. There are so many other synonyms to use.

"I know that look," Nagisa said, stiffening slightly. "You're cooking up something really dark."

"I might be," Karma said. "It's fun, right?" He turned to face us. "I was into this when I thought he was just a monster, but..." His voice was dropping, getting rough. "Now that I know what his personality is like..."

The train whistle blew. The train arrived, kicking up a gust of wind. It blew Karma's hair and jacket to the side, distorting his figure. Almost inhuman, in a way. "I finally get to kill an honest-to-goodness teacher!" he breathed, smiling widely as he laughed. "I've been dreaming of this! Ever since my last teacher up and died!"

I exhaled quietly, watching him. Whatever was off about him, it was related to this.

* * *

The next day, the atmosphere of the class was, predictably enough, tense. That might be because of the events of the day before, but I doubt it. No, there was a far more convenient reason for why almost everyone in the class looked like they were half a second and a sudden sound away from bolting for rabbit holes.

The door slid open and the students all stiffened. "Goo-od morning, boys and girls," Korosensei said as he slithered into the classroom. After a second of awkward silence where nobody responded to him or even looked at him, he tilted his head curiously. "Why the long faces? Has something ha-"

He saw it; I knew he had the second he cut his sentence off mid-word.

An octopus was sitting on his lectern, pinned through the head with an icepick. "Oops, that's on me," Karma taunted. "Yeah, totally thought it was you. Innocent mistake. I stabbed it, so I suppose I should get rid of it?"

Korosensei just sighed. "Yes," he answered, picking up the octopus with one tentacle. "You should." He started slithering towards Karma's desk, and I glanced back and forth between the two. Karma had a knife in one hand - it was hidden behind his back. Korosensei, on the other hand, seemed to have gotten pretty serious. Of course, Karma didn't strike me as the type to immediately go for the kill. He was... He was like a feline, toying with his prey. If I had to guess, given Karma's words yesterday, he was going to try to kill the teacher before he killed Korosensei.

Korosensei stopped in front of Karma's desk and there was a pregnant pause as we all waited for someone to do something.

There were a few things that I expected, but tentacle drills was... definitely _not_ one of them.

Karma blinked in surprise, and then Korosensei dashed away. A heartbeat later he was back, carrying a fucking missile. "Observe, if you will, Karma-my-boy," Korosensei said, holding the octopus in one tentacle and a bunch of cooking supplies in the others. "The versatility of these tentacles! And the firepower of this missile yoinked from the Self-Defense Force!" The missile started firing, and I flinched back from the rush of sudden heat. Korosensei started cracking eggs and pouring things into the bowl. "If you think I'm going to let the new kid get away with murder... think again!" The rocket flame erupted even higher, and I whimpered. Too bright.

"Mmph!" Karma choked, and I looked over - the light was suddenly gone and there was a steaming ball in his mouth. I stared at him as he coughed it out and wiped at his mouth, then at Korosensei.

Our teacher had diced up the octopus Karma had stabbed and then cooked it into takoyaki. "Don't you know breakfast is the most important meal of the day?" Korosensei lectured Karma. "Your complexion tells me you haven't eaten. So please, help yourself to some of this delicious takoyaki." He speared another ball with a drill tentacle and offered it to Karma. "I insist."

Karma just glared at him.

"You see? I'm a giver. I take care of things. Hungry students, would-be assassins... troubled teens..." He grinned widely and opened his mouth. "Every attempt on my life is an opportunity for me to play my part." More steaming takoyaki was inside. "So by all means, keep at it."

I glanced down at my desk and grinned. There was a little tiny plate of takoyaki sitting there. There was also a note asking me politely to not take anything from the fridge, and I shrugged. I was easily bribed with food.

Karma wasn't as amused by this as I was, however; he glared at Korosensei, letting out a small 'tch' of annoyance. Korosensei in return drew himself up to his full height and spread out his tentacles. "By the end of the day, if your body and mind aren't aglow with health and knowledge, I haven't done my job," he told Karma, tentacles wiggling in the air. I could hear the muffled laughter hidden by the words.

The first period of the day was Math, and it was all stuff I knew. Hells, I could do this stuff in my head easily. Korosensei was writing something on the board. "As you can see," he was saying, "whatever we do, this number remains. Now, I know the concept of indivisibility is a beast. But, if its fangs frighten you, I have a surefire method for taming it."

Beside me, Karma smirked, and I turned my attention to him. I wonder if I'll get more food... He slowly reached into his jacket pocket with his right hand, and pulled out a gun. Korosensei, up front, hadn't noticed. "See if you can get the jist as I write it out on the board."

Karma silently took aim...

...And I saw Korosensei's tentacle flick back without our teacher so much as glancing over his shoulder. "Karma," Korosensei said, "it takes an Anti-Me BB far too long to reach its mark." He held up the gun, and I looked over at Karma. I managed to keep a straight face for all of half a second before I started snickering at the dumbfounded look on Karma's face.

Korosensei had taken the time to give the kid a manicure and painted little octopuses on each nail. "I had a little extra time on my hands," Korosensei said, beaming at us. "Hope you don't mind if I prettified yours."

"Nice nails," I snickered. Karma just glared, growling in anger.

Fourth period was the next attempt Karma made. We were cooking, trying to make omelets and soup. Cooking is... relaxing and stressful at the same time, for me. On one hand, it's just following a recipe, and that's just following orders - make sure all the amounts are what's stated, do what the recipe tells you to do, and you can't go wrong. On the other hand, there's so many things to do all at once that I tend to get overwhelmed when I try to cook. Fortunately, I had some prep assistance for this, and I've gotten pretty good at flipping omelets by this point in my life. They were cooking away merrily when Korosensei made his rounds. "Let's see now," Korosensei said, stopping at the table behind me. "How'd the two of you do, Fuwa?"

"I'm not totally sure," the girl said. She was the one that sat behind Kayano, I think. "It's got a bizarre tangy flavor to it for some reason."

"Let's give it a taste," Korosensei told her as he took a spoon and tasted what she'd made.

Karma wandered over. "Probably easier if you just start over from scratch." He smiled innocently. "Why not toss it out?" he asked as he slammed his hand on the pot's handle, sending the simmering soup flying at Korosensei. He immediately drew his knife and sliced.

"We wear an apron in Home Ec, Karma," Korosensei told him sternly. I smiled at the apron Korosensei had chosen for him; it was pink and frilly, with a flower pattern and a large heart over the center. "Oh, and don't worry, the soup is fine. I siphoned it out of thin air and put it back in the pot." Damn. That's impressive. "I also added a _dash_ of sugar."

Fuwa leaned over and tasted it. "That's exactly what it needed!" she gasped happily.

Terasaka laughed. "Cute outfit."

I just grinned mockingly as Karma tore the headband off of his head, seething silently.

Fifth period was language, and I got the feeling Karma was going to try again, and once again fail miserably. Sure, Korosensei had weaknesses; everyone did. Some people just were able to cover them better than most. And sure, Korosensei lost most of his speed whenever he wasn't able to focus. That being said, the teacher was clearly intelligent, and the same techniques wouldn't work twice on him. Karma's sneak attack might have worked the first time, but it would never work again.

Case in point: Korosensei was busy lecturing from the textbook, reading a passage out loud, and Karma barely twitched to bring his butterfly knife to bear before Korosensei had a tentacle feeler poking dead center in his forehead. "Even as I was thinking this, the red frog, having failed again," Korosensei read, "was making its way back." The maintenance this time took the form of taming Karma's unruly hair. "I was starting to get bored with it." The passage was rather conveniently applicable to the situation, and only a fool would believe Korosensei hadn't done that on purpose. "I picked up a few stones from the road and I began throwing them..."

As the final bell rang, I grinned to myself. There was no way Karma was going to pull this off with a sneak attack.

After classes let out, Karma disappeared. After looking around for a bit, Nagisa started wandering around, and I followed him. I wanted to see exactly what Karma was capable of, and this was a good time to get his measure. We found him sitting out on the edge of a cliff, resting on a tree trunk and biting his nails.

He certainly looked... lost. "C'mon, man," Nagisa pleaded. "I'm tellin' ya not to sweat it, we'll do it together as a group. You could have the sneakiest, most foolproof plan in the world ready to go, but if Korosensei's got his eye on you, forget it. He's not _like_ other teachers."

"Other teachers, huh?" Karma said. It was the first thing he'd said since fifth period. "No..."

I gnawed at my own thumb out of curiosity. "So, Karma, why exactly are you so hung up on killing a teacher?" He turned, looking out at me from the corner of his eyes. "I mean, if you wanted to kill Korosensei, there're lots of easier ways to go about it. But you said you wanted to kill him as a teacher. Doesn't seem to me like you're having a lot of luck."

Karma's lips curled into a faint smile. "I thought so... You don't understand. Tell me, would it tick you off to die in some random place?"

"Oh, Karma!" Korosensei's voice rang out, and we turned to see him approaching us. We sat in silence: me and Nagisa on the cliff, Karma on the tree growing out into thin air. After a second passed, Korosensei said, "I feel I've taken exceptionally good care of you today." His face turned green-striped. "Keep trying to kill me if that tickles your fancy... I certainly don't get tired of spiffing you up," he added, rubbing two tentacles together.

Karma laughed quietly. "Just so we're on the same page, here," he said, getting to his feet without a care for the wind or the gigantic fall beneath him, "you pretty much consider yourself a teacher above all else?"

"That's right," Korosensei agreed, nodding.

Karma's grin widened. "Cool~ And you wouldn't think twice about putting your life on the line to save a student."

"What sort of teacher would I be if I did?"

Karma lifted his chin. "That's awesome. Good to know." He pointed a gun at Korosensei. "So, I _can_ kill you."

Then he fell backwards off the tree.

"Knew there had to be a way."

Hrrm. Clever, really. Nagisa shouted and ran over to the cliff, probably hoping he could try to save Karma, but there was no point. He was falling faster than we could manage to reach him. The only person that had a shot at saving Karma's life was Korosensei, and Karma had the gun aimed directly above him. If Korosensei went over the cliff, Karma would fire and kill the teacher; but if Korosensei didn't go over the cliff to expose himself to danger, Karma would fall to his death and Korosensei would no longer be able to consider himself a teacher.

What I don't understand is _why_ Karma wants to kill a teacher so badly. Well, no matter. This gambit of Karma's is either going to end in Karma's death - whether he kills Korosensei or Korosensei lets him fall, Karma will crash to the ground and die - or Karma will be forced to accept that while he can kill Korosensei, he can't kill the teacher. Still, if he doesn't care whether he lives or dies, if he only cares about getting what he wants, it's a brilliant plan.

Yes... I think I'm starting to understand Karma a little bit, now.

Well, that'll only matter if he survives this. Now, what will you do, Korosensei? Will you go swooping down to save Karma and sacrifice your life for his, or will you break that all-important promise you made to teach this class? I felt a grin slowly start spreading across my lips.

Korosensei blasted off the cliff and I ambled over to take a look for myself. Of course... I couldn't help but laugh. Korosensei had managed to cross the gap between the top of the cliff and Karma and weave a web of tentacles below Karma before the red-haired teen could fire a bullet. Karma was caught like a fly in the springy web - the only way he could have managed to save Karma's life without being killed himself. Amazing. Faced with an impossible choice, he said 'fuck that' and took the third option that Karma didn't see coming.

"What the hell?!" I heard Karma shout. "Is there anything these tentacles aren't capable of?"

Korosensei popped up next to Karma, and he must have said something; because as the sun broke through the grey clouds over head, Karma smiled and relaxed, clearly giving up on the attempt to kill Korosensei for now.

After Korosensei brought Karma back up to the clifftop and deposited him there, Nagisa peered over the cliff. "I don't get it," he said. "How were you so calm the whole time?"

"Eh, no big," Karma replied flippantly. "What really sucks is that was my best bet. Nothing else I can come up with even touches it."

"Aw..." Korosensei complained. "Run out of ideas already?" He raised several tentacles, each with some sort of tool or bottle in its hand. I blinked at the cat-eared headband with a ribbon on top. What...? "But I have an entire beauty regimen lined up just for you! Come on," he wheedled, "no way you can be this big of a pushover..."

Karma gritted his teeth, and I let out a soft chuckle. When he stood up, bloodlust pouring off of him, I raised an eyebrow. He still clearly wants to kill something, but it's not the corrupted poison it was before. Now it's... honest, for want of a better word. "No worries, Teach," he said, drawing a line across his neck. "You're still dead meat."

Korosensei turned orange and I heard the correct sound effect. "That's the spirit," Korosensei said kindly. "Never give up. Seems my tender, loving care has paid off." Nagisa smiled.

Karma grinned. "Well, let's head back, Nagisa, Nick. We can grab some food on the way."

"Your treat?" I asked him. He was tossing a small coin purse up and down in the air, after all.

He laughed. "Sure, why not?"

"Gaaah!" Korosensei yelped, whirling around at Mach 20. "Excuse me! That's _my_ purse!"

"Oh," I said, blinking. "So it's _Korosensei's_ treat, neat. Thanks," I told him as I wandered past the shocked octopus. "Remember, per our agreement, I won't steal any food from the lounge." Never said anything about the money with which I can buy said food.

"Come on, Teach," Karma said with a devilish smile. "You've gotta stop leaving stuff unattended in the faculty lounge."

"Give it back!" Korosensei yelled.

Karma smiled. "Here ya go," he said as he tossed it to the octopus.

Korosensei caught it and cradled it in his hands. "Gimme gimme gimme gimme," I heard him mutter as he cracked it open. After a second, he peered into it. "Hey, this is, uh," he stammered, holding it upside down and shaking it to show that nothing was coming out. "Empty!"

Karma turned and grinned at him. "There wasn't much there to begin with! Call it a donation!" he said with a pure and innocent smile.

"He did give you the purse back," I told the gibbering octopus in the throes of a breakdown. "He gave you what you wanted, right? I mean, surely you would have said something about the money if you wanted that back too, right?"

"A donation?!" Korosensei shrieked. "A _donation?! Of course I wanted the money back!_ "

As he ranted at us, Karma and I shared matching evil grins. "Ya know something, Nick?" he told me. "You're okay."

"Same to you," I shrugged.

"Thanks for the idea, by the way."

I laughed. "That's my job. And besides, I'm hungry."

It's strange, really. Every time someone tries to kill Korosensei, they miss the mark. Every time, though, the teacher manages to improve them in some way... Interesting. Very interesting. But not yet. I don't have the guaranteed kill just yet. Soon, though. Very soon.

* * *

 **I feel like Karma and Nick would just kinda… click eventually. Nick would be amused by Karma's outright lack of giving a fuck and bluntness, and Karma would find Nick's lassitude and easygoing lack of giving a fuck just as entertaining. Once Karma got over his obsession with killing a teacher, the two of them are shaping up to be pretty okay with each other. (It didn't hurt that Karma gave Nick food. Fastest way to get his appreciation, after all.)**

 **Anyway, only one or two more chapters of Nick doing nothing, promise. It's starting to irritate** _ **me**_ **, but it's necessary. Nick isn't comfortable attacking just yet, and he's not going to risk giving himself away to Korosensei with a botched attack. Besides, he's just fine with observing at this point.**

 **As for Karma, he's probably one of my favorite characters from the show. Leaving aside his aforementioned complete lack of fucks to give, his character design is just a little tiny bit** _ **off**_ **from the others. Check out the eyes if you haven't watched the show; where everyone else has the usual pupil, iris, and light shines, Karma's eyes are just a flat gradient with a tiny pupil. It makes him seem a little bit unhinged… It doesn't hurt that his English voice is Accelerator, so there's another point in his favor.**

 **All in all, Nick's slowly getting to the point where he's going to attack and make some sort of attempt on Korosensei's life. Almost. Almost…**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	5. Adult Time

**Chapter 5: Adult Time**

* * *

The door slid open and I glanced up from my book. "Morning, Nick," Karma greeted me lightly. "Morning, Kayano." It was just the three of us in the classroom at the moment, though we were getting to the point where people would start slowly showing up.

"Mmmrrrr."

"You certainly sound awake," he laughed.

"Yeah, Nick's always like that in the mornings," Kayano said. "I haven't actually gotten him to say a complete sentence until nine at the earliest."

"Lies." I've said... things... before that. Probably. Back to my book.

I let the conversation just wash over me at that point. They knew better than to actually ask me questions until I've had time to get through my boot cycle. I blame Aincrad. I spent so many days staying up for several days straight, and more days waking up and going out to fight for my life immediately, that now that I can take my time waking up I will.

I blinked and looked up. I was halfway through my book and the class had filled up with people, all chatting loudly. When did they get here? I know I looked up whenever the door opened, but I don't remember this many people coming in. And when did I get halfway through my book? I don't remember reading this part. Sighing to myself, I flipped back through the pages to find a spot I did recognize.

That was when I realized with a jump that I hadn't finished my homework. I glanced at the clock. I have a half hour...ish... before classes start. That's enough time. I put my book back in my bag and started rummaging for the math assignment due today. After I found it, I pulled it out and grabbed a pencil. Then, flipping through it, I realized I _had_ finished it after all. Welp.

I blinked stupidly at the paper for a few seconds, then just let out a tired groan and let my head fall forward onto the desk. It was cool and I was still sleepy. "Nick?" Kayano and Nagisa were standing to the side of my desk. "You finished the English assignment, right?" I blinked at them and nodded. It was less a nod and more a rocking back and forth with accompanying vocalization that was pretty much the nodding sound, but I nodded. "Can we check our answers? We're on duty today, so it'd be great if we could get it out of the way."

"Sure," I croaked, going through my bag again. It was messy in there but I had a system. A controlled mayhem, so to speak. I miss Din - he could keep everything organized for me _and_ notify me when the threads I liked reading had a new update. At the same time. Now I need to do it myself.

Kayano took the journal I handed her with a smile. "Thanks," she said before the two headed back to their desks. I knew I'd get it back before English class today. When was that, anyway? Later in the day, I think.

Maybe I have time to get some reading in before classes start for the day...

"It's already May, huh?" Kayano sighed. I looked up to see Nagisa changing the date on the blackboard. The rest of the class was already in their seats, and now people were chatting to each other. "That month really went by fast."

Huh... That's right. There's only eleven months left until March, when Korosensei will blow up the Earth. That's the deadline for his assassination, our graduation, and this simulation. After that, who knows what'll happen to me? Given the assumption that I'm in this world because I was attacked by Johnny Black and injected with the succinylcholine, hopefully the year in the simulation will be enough to heal whatever was wrong with me. Hells, I don't even know the actual real-world speed of this. If I had to guess it'd be pretty fast; Contingency Johnny Black should kick in after thirty-six hours, and I'd expect the response to be pretty damn quick after that.

On the other hand, I might just get shunted into another simulation if I'm still not fully recovered. At least, that's why I'm assuming I'm here, after all. It could be for some completely different reason.

 _Ding dong ding dong._

Oh. Class starts now. Better actually try to wake up now. First step, get my homework back from Kayano and Nagisa. I stood up with a yawn and wandered over, retrieving my homework. Kayano and Nagisa were understandably grateful for my help. Step one, complete. Step two -

Step two had to wait, because Karasuma chose that moment to enter the classroom, followed by Korosensei. I don't remember Phys Ed being first thing in the morning today. Why is Karasuma here?

That question was answered by the person that had previously been hidden from my sight, mainly because she was clinging to one of Korosensei's tentacles and had been hidden behind him. "Okay," Karasuma said, "look alive, people." Karma leaned back in his chair, arms folded behind his head, and grinned at me. I just wordlessly flipped him off. "Meet our newest addition to the E Class faculty."

"My name is Miss Irina Jelavic!" the stunning blonde bombshell said. "Nice to meet you all!" She was dressed in a remarkably short white skirt, as well as a pure white jacket. Combined with her blonde hair and pale skin, she was almost shining in the light. Bleh. There's a reason I prefer darker colors. Still, though, that wasn't the weirdest thing. The weirdest thing was the way she was clinging to Korosensei. I could swear I could see little hearts bubbling off from her as she smiled happily.

It was like she didn't even notice Korosensei wasn't human. But that wasn't possible, not in the slightest. I sat up straight and cracked my neck. A new contestant had joined the ring, I assume.

"Talk about a knockout!" one guy said.

"Knockers, more like!" another replied.

I... I guess? My judgment on these things isn't fantastic. She was symmetrical? And I guess she had big boobs? I have no way of knowing. I think they were a little smaller than Leafa's? I don't make a habit of comparing breast sizes.

"Does... anybody else think it's weird she's all over Korosensei?" Hayami asked nobody in particular. She was the one that sat two in front and one to my left - she was a pretty good markswoman, from what I'd seen.

"Little bit, yeah," Nakamura mumbled.

Up front, Korosensei was telling Irina something about how he really wore a wig. She chirped something about how he was so adorable and clung even tighter to his tentacle. Given that Korosensei had removed his 'human disguise' - really just long sleeves, a black wig, a poor-fitting nose, and a color shift to kinda match human skin tone - and Karasuma hadn't said anything, that confirmed it. Miss Irina Jelavic was another assassin trying to kill Korosensei.

"We decided to bring on Miss Jelavic in the interest of beefing up the English curriculum," Karasuma told us. "No hard feelings, I hope," he said to Korosensei. So that was her cover story? Well, her name was definitely foreign, I'll give her that. Still, she spoke without an accent, so it's not inconceivable that she could be fluent in English as well. "She's, ah... _very_ qualified."

Is that a boob joke? I think that's a boob joke.

"No harm in that, is there?" Korosensei said jovially.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kayano turn to Nagisa. "She totally has a thing for Korosensei," she said. "I mean, she seems nice, so... I guess it's kinda cute, right?"

Nagisa nodded and raised his trusty notebook and pencil. "Might be something we can use to figure out how to kill him, too," he said.

"So, what do you think, Nick?" Karma turned and asked me, jarring me from my innocent eavesdropping.

"About what?"

"About the new teacher," he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to be a little more specific than that," I told him. "There's a lot of things about her I could be thinking about."

He grinned knowingly. "Oh, I bet... But I'm talking about Korosensei's reaction to her. Seems kinda weird, don't'cha think?"

Wait, what was he... Oh. Oh. I think he made an innuendo. I'm just going to keep moving and pretend I didn't hear that. I studied Korosensei a little closer; he definitely seemed a little out of it. He wasn't acting the way I was used to seeing him act, and the answer had to be the attention she was giving him. But was that because she's human? Or just because she's a woman? I traced his line of sight absently and sighed slightly. He was staring straight at her cleavage, wasn't he.

Yep. Yep, he was. To be fair, though, she was all but shoving the damn things in his face with how she was pressing herself against his arm, so... whatever.

Given that Korosensei's face changes color based on his mood - it seems largely voluntary, though there are some changes that are definitely involuntary - he brings a new level of meaning to the phrase 'wearing his heart on his sleeve'. 'A horse of a different color' could also apply, but not in this moment right now. But I'm sidetracking myself because I'm still tired. He's definitely all hot and bothered, so what color and facial expression would that turn out to be?

After a second, I had my answer: his head turned bright pink with two bright patches of red, along with a wide dopey grin and unfocused eyes.

Gods damn everything, is _everyone_ in this class obsessed with this woman's sex appeal? What is _with_ people?

Korosensei Weakness Number Five: Boobs.

The entire class was watching this whole thing go on in uneasy silence. Irina was laughing and giggling constantly, pressing herself against him, and Korosensei was bioluminescent and I'm pretty sure he was giving off steam. "He is _all_ about her," Sugino muttered.

"Yeah, no mistaking _that_ face," Kayano sighed.

Nagisa stared. "He blushes like a human," he said flatly.

"Ah..." Irina sighed, staring up at Korosensei like a puppy that's found a new fire hydrant. "The more I look at you, the more I feel myself drawn in! Those tiny suppository eyes..." I drew back. Ew... _Suppository_? Ewwww... "Those gelatinous joints... I'm simply captivated by the whole package!" she declared, snuggling against his chest.

Korosensei let out a dopey laugh. "O-oh my! I, uh..."

Oh this is just pathetic. I glanced around, and everyone in the class looked like they had the same expression. A blank stare, shocked and a little irritated at the octopus's gullibility. Except Nagisa, for some reason. It was one of those brief moments, where I felt like I could read the minds of the classmates. _Don't fall for it, she's trouble!_ Okano was thinking.

Nakamura agreed. _No woman in her right mind would be into you!_

I have never been more glad I'm asexual. This is beyond stupid. And I could tell that nobody else was buying Irina's cutesy act; the stiff shoulders of the kids in front of me told me that everyone knew - or, at the very least, suspected - that this teacher that was fawning over Korosensei wasn't here just to up our English grades. Korosensei might be smitten with her, but I'll be watching and waiting to see just what kind of trouble she was going to cause.

* * *

Phys Ed. Y'know, I used to hate the class with a passion. I was absolutely terrible at sports - I was in pretty terrible shape, I was clumsy, I didn't play well with others, so on and so forth. All in all, gym time back when I was in school was more of a burden than an outlet. I actually enjoyed classes more than I enjoyed gym, if only because I was actually _good_ at schoolwork.

After Aincrad, though, that all changed. I'd spent two years fighting and building up confidence in my skills, and though they didn't totally transfer over to the real world I had enough hand-eye coordination to fake it as best I could. It helped that I got myself into an exercise routine that I followed all but religiously, and that I enjoyed sparring and martial arts and stuff like that.

So, it really wasn't a huge surprise that I actually got a kick out of playing Korosensei's version of soccer. Korosensei was in the center of the ring of students, while the rest of us were passing a soccer ball around, kicking it at him, basically doing whatever. Anything went, so long as we followed basic soccer rules. Every time we passed, we just had to shout, "Pass!"

The twist came into play when a student felt like taking a swing at Korosensei. When that happened, they passed the ball, but shouted, "Pass! And kill!" If they didn't say the words, they weren't allowed to take the shot. The game let me get some exercise in while simultaneously examining the typical habits of the various other students. Isogai, for example, was a team player, always passing past Korosensei to give someone else an opportunity to attack our teacher, but he also took a few shots himself from time to time.

I could basically split the class into three groups - support, assault, and wild card. I was still working on placing the various students into the groups, but Nagisa and Kayano were clearly in the support group, while Sugino, Okano, and Yada were clearly in the assault group. The separation was mainly in how proactive the students were; the assault group was relatively proactive and willing to go after the bounty, while the support group consisted of students that were more likely to think things through before giving it a shot.

The wild card group was just the kids that didn't fit in either group, like Karma and Terasaka's gang. The students I didn't really know all that well were also in this group, just because I didn't know how they though just yet. Once I had a better grasp on their actions and I could safely predict what they were going to do, I'd be able to sort them into the correct slot.

I put myself in the wild card slot despite, or really _because_ I could act as either assault or support. While I had my preferences, my talents split both groups.

That being said, while playing Assassination Soccer, I never actually took a kill shot. I just smiled, chased down the ball whenever I fumbled the catch, and passed it to someone else. Everyone else might have assumed that meant I was one of the support students, but I'm pretty sure Karma and Korosensei weren't fooled for an instant. The latter because I'd already revealed a small bit of my bloodlust to him early on, and the former because... well, because he kept grinning mockingly at me and passing me the ball whenever he wasn't taking a kill shot.

Jerk.

"Pass," I snapped at him for the fifth time before kicking the ball off to the left somewhere. I think Chiba got it; he was one of the better marksmen in the class, about as good as Hayami.

The door to the school slid open and I glanced over there. "Head's up!" someone shouted, and I flinched back, bringing my guard up automatically, snapping my attention back to the game in progress. I didn't see the ball until I glanced up towards the sky, shielding my eyes from the bright sun.

It fell down and Karma caught it neatly, kicking it back in a fluid motion. "Pass and kill!" he declared, aiming his gun while line of sight was blocked by the ball. He fired instantly, but despite his best efforts Korosensei was able to dash out of the way with a 'zoop!'.

"Pass," the octopus said.

Okano had the second ball. "Pass!" she shouted, kicking it directly at Korosensei. "And kill!" she added as she rushed him with knives in hand. She lunged for the kill, but Korosensei easily sidestepped her.

"Try again!" he taunted, one ball in each of his main tentacles and another on his head, balanced on top of his cap.

"Yoo hoo!" The sweet voice fluttered down to us, and we all paused with various sounds of confusion. The ball on Korosensei's head rolled off. I looked over to see Irina running down the stairs, waving at Korosensei. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything, darling!" she called as she approached us.

Y'kinda are...

"Mr. Karasuma tells me you can go Mach 20," Irina cooed as she ran up to him. "And I just _had_ to see it with my own eyes!"

"Well," Korosensei said, dropping the other two soccer balls and placing one tentacle on the back of his head, "he might have exaggerated a tad..."

"I hate to ask this, but..." she said, looking up at him, "I would be _ever_ so grateful if you could fetch some Vietnamese coffee!" Korosensei's eyes kept drifting south toward her cleavage, and I just sighed and shook my head. "I thought maybe you could grab it while I run the students through their English lesson..."

Sure enough, Korosensei was susceptible to the charms of a pretty woman with boobs; he turned bright pink and got that dopey grin right on schedule. "But of course, mon cher," he said. "It just so happens I know a fabulous cafe _in_ Vietnam!" He blasted into the air, earning a delighted squeal from Irina, and then dashed off in whatever direction Vietnam was, earning a less-than-delighted squeal from Irina as the wind rushed over us.

Wait. 'Mon cher'? Shouldn't it be 'ma chère'? Or am I remembering the very few French lessons I had with the parent wrong?

When the roar of wind died down, we could all hear the bell ringing for the start of class. "Uh," Isogai said awkwardly, "it's about that time, Miss Irina. I mean, that's the bell." Miss Irina didn't say anything. "Shouldn't we head back?"

"Sure, whatever, knock yourselves out," Miss Irina said, pulling a cigarette out of her jacket pocket and lighting it. I grinned to myself; her voice was lower than that ridiculous cutesy act she'd been putting on, and without Korosensei here to woo I'm pretty sure this is the real her. "Teacher needs peace and quiet, though, so study hall."

The others seemed shocked by this turn of events. I was absolutely shocked myself. Shocked, I say. Floored, stunned, flabbergasted, taken aback, any other phrases that mean the same thing.

Miss Irina turned to let out a puff of smoke, and I wrinkled my nose. "And another thing," she said. "Let's agree not to call me Miss when the octopus isn't around. And we're _definitely_ not on a first-name basis, so drop it. When he _is_ around, call me Miss Jelavic."

Jelavic. That really does sound a lot like -

"Heh," Karma laughed. "So what's your game, Miss Jelabitch?"

Immediately she turned and glared at him. "No nicknames!" she raged.

I cracked my neck and raised my hands. "We got ourselves a real pro here," I called, smirking slightly. "Going after the bounty on your own? Quite the bold move, I'd say."

Karma tilted his head back slightly and stared down at her mockingly. "Just a word of warning from those of us who've been playing the odds, you're not gonna kill the octopus without help."

"Please, sweetheart," Jelavic scoffed patronizingly. "You're a bunch of saplings. Adults have their own way of doing things. Take notes." She turned to pin Nagisa with a stare. "Speaking of which, you're Nagisa Shiota, right?" I raised an eyebrow. What would she want with Nagisa?

As soon as she had confirmation, she walked over to him. He stared at her confused, and she reached out to take his head in her hands. I blinked, confused. Then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

...What the fuck?

The entire class reacted in different ways; Okajima seemed jealous, Maehara seemed appreciative, Kayano seemed a mix between furious and shocked – those were the two major sounds I could hear in the incoherent shriek she was letting out, at least – and Karma was just grinning in interest. The other students ran a gamut, but those were the prevalent ones near me.

As the kiss kept going, it was almost impressive how long she kept on him; he went from shocked to a little stunned to completely limp near the end, and for some strange reasons his little wing pigtails drooped along with him. In the end, he was just twitching insensately as she stared down at him. "Do me a fave," she murmured, "show me what you've got on him. Grab your special little notebook and meet me in the faculty lounge in ten minutes."

She let him go and he fell back bonelessly, staring off into space. "That goes for any of you snot-nosed punks who feel like you've got intel worth sharing," she announced, sweeping her hand across all of us. "Give Miss Jelavic something useful..." I stiffened. People. My head snapped around and I saw three men approaching, carrying a variety of cases and bags. "...and I'll let you go home while these gentlemen stand in for you."

I glanced over them. Older men, one had a tattoo over his left eye. Nothing special, I think. "This is what separates the pros from the amateurs, boys and girls," Jelavic said. "Connections and a little thing we like to call _technique_." I looked at Nagisa - he was still stunned. Okay, I'll give her technique. "Now, piss off. Go play." She reached out a hand, and the lead man placed something in it.

"Oh, and a word of warning from those of us who know our job?" She brought the tiny little handgun to her lips. "Get in the way, you die." It was a declaration, not a threat.

Eh... Not bad. The movement of the lips naturally drew attention to the barrel of the handgun, but the line itself was cliché as hell. I'd spouted off something like it more than once. Five, _maybe_ six out of ten.

I suppose to the rest of these kids, the weight of that offhand threat might be a little intimidating, especially when backed up with her, ahem... _technique_ , and the shady-looking trio standing behind her. But it wasn't enough for me. Not after everything I've had to deal with in Aincrad and Alfheim. You want to intimidate me, you'd better bring gods to the battlefield.

She swept past us and started giving orders to the men like we didn't exist - and, to be fair, that was what she should be doing. The students would just be collateral, so ignoring them was the correct strategic move. She wasn't a teacher; she was a genuine professional assassin. That'd be cool, I guess.

If only she wasn't such a _bitch_.

...Is this what's like to be on the outside of me? It feels weird. I don't like it.

No, no, that's not it. I'm not a bitch. I'm an asshole. Yes, that feels much better.

Since Jelavic asked so nicely, I swung by the teacher's lounge after Nagisa walked out looking a little shell-shocked. I gave him a sympathetic grin, but I don't think he really noticed. When I slipped in, closing the door behind me, Jelavic only glanced at me for a second before going back to her tablet. "What do you want, brat?" she asked absently before tapping something on the screen.

"You asked for people with usable intel to drop by, so... here I am," I shrugged before heading over to the fridge before remembering that Korosensei had successfully bribed me to not steal any more food. When I turned around, Jelavic was suddenly very much inside my comfort zone, and I leaned back away from her. "Hey, whoa, personal space, lady! Heard of it?"

"You're... Nick Weyr, right?"

"Yeah, that's me. Now could you back off?" I snapped, glaring at her and taking a step away from her.

She smiled at me in what I'm guessing was supposed to be a seductive manner. "Tell me what you know, and I'll see if I can... reward you."

"Don't touch me." My voice was flat and harsh. She reeks of tobacco. It was making my nose twitch, and I was trying not to breathe in. "Now, if you would kindly _back off_? Unless you don't want the information."

"Fine, fine, whatever," she sighed, waving a hand flippantly before taking a seat. "So what do you have for me?"

I took a shallow breath, but even that managed to catch a bit of the smoke. Gross. "I'm certain Nagisa has already gone over Korosensei's knack for having backup tentacles. Even though the class has managed to destroy one or two here and there, he's always had more to compensate. New information would be... if you're going to do this, make sure it works the first time. He'll never fall for the same trap twice." I tilted my head slightly and twitched my fingers, pulling up my mental database on him. "Aside from that, he's got periods of time where his reactions have slowed slightly, but you've got a copy of Nagisa's notes. Pretty much everything I could tell you is in there." My specialty lay in building a mental profile of the target and guessing how they'd react, and that didn't really help much since Nagisa had already given her most of the relevant information.

"Well, you're all kinds of useless," Jelavic sighed. She didn't even bother dismissing me, she just turned and started poking at her tablet again. I raised an eyebrow at the snub, but accepted it for what it was - a thoroughly idiotic move - and left. Not my problem if she wasn't going to make use of what I gave her, even if what I gave her wasn't as thorough as I would prefer. There was a reason I wasn't making a move yet, after all.

The air in the study hall was a little tense, though I didn't mind all that much since it meant I got to get lost in my book. I glanced up from time to time to see Jelavic poking at a schematic and her tablet, but she wasn't saying anything at all. At one point, I looked up and saw her steal a quick glance at Nagisa before winking and licking her lips in a sultry manner. A shudder ran straight up Nagisa's entire body from his feet to the wings of hair on his head, visible even from this distance; the look on Kayano's face was actually kinda amusing, and I couldn't help but smirk lazily. Someone's _jealous~_

She closed her eyes, obviously very pleased with herself, and I glanced at the rest of the class. With the typical exception of Karma, they weren't taking advantage of the study hall and were instead all staring at her patiently, hoping Jelavic would start class soon. "Uhh," Maehara said, "Miss Jelabitch, ma'am, are you gonna teach us or what?" Miss Jelabitch flinched, snarling in anger.

"Yeah, c'mon, Miss Jelabitch," Nakamura called, clearly done with this lady's shit.

"No disrespect, but you are a teacher, aren't you, Miss Jelabitch?" That came from Sugaya.

Miss Jelabitch had flinched every time someone called her by the nickname Karma had come up with, but now she whirled around and shrieked. "Augh! Ix-nay on the itch-bay! The name is Jela _vic_ , understand? Jela _bitch_ is what I'll be if you don't get the difference between your thick, pre-pubescent skulls!" We all stared at her silently. "Let's review! My name is Miss Jelavic! Jela-V-Vic! Bite your lower lip and hum!"

While the rest of the class obeyed, I went back to my book. It was much more interesting than watching this bitch have a freakout. "V! Excellent! Now, practice that sound quietly for the next hour while I ignore you."

In an instant, the entire class shifted modes to pissed off. _Lamest lesson ever._

I just smiled to myself and flipped to the next page in my book.

A little while later, during fifth period, some of us were lining up to take turns shooting at silhouette targets. Yada, Isogai, Maehara, and Nakamura were firing - Maehara was showing off, firing with one hand behind his back - and I was trying to run through what I was going to do on my turn. I just don't have a knack for guns - my knife work more than makes up for it, but it's a deficiency in my skill set that I want to work more on. I'll talk to Karasuma about it. Anyway, I was waiting my turn when I heard Mimura complain, "What? Oh, come on, you gotta be kidding me. _Seriously_?"

I glanced at him, then noticed what he was complaining about. Miss Jelabitch was walking towards the shed, a certain pink-colored fixed-faced tentacle monster slithering along behind her. Looks like she's putting her play into motion. Wonder how effective it'll be. Spoiler alert: I doubt she'll kill him.

"Wow," Sugaya sighed. "He's really falling for it."

"Why do all of you think with your sex drive?" I sighed. "So bizarre..."

"I can't look," Sugino said.

Isogai scratched the back of his head. "You'd think he'd have more sense." If there was one thing I've learned from being in high school, it's that when hormones get involved, all sense goes straight out the window.

"Mr. Karasuma, sir?" Kataoka asked, and our teacher looked over. "I get that she's a pro, but she's not exactly easy to get along with." I could tell she was more than capable of charming anyone she put her mind to - so that just meant she didn't think we were worthy of even a small amount of effort. A little galling.

"Yes, I know," Karasuma said, nodding. "I'm sorry you kids have to deal with her, but the higher-ups seem to think she's all that." Karasuma's pretty okay. For a Ministry of Defense agent, that is. A lot of the ridiculous stuff he has to deal with is the product of his bosses making decisions from their armchairs. "And, well, seeing what she's been able to put together in such a short time... Does tend to make me agree with them."

I tilted my head. "What _has_ she put together, if you don't mind me asking? I'm curious."

He nodded. "Those three men she's brought are dubious, but she herself is a very skilled infiltrator. She all but literally wrote the book on infiltration and approach, and deep cover is her specialty. Odds are, she has that octopus wrapped around her little finger."

"Hm."

I frowned and studied the seemingly innocuous shed where Korosensei and Miss Jelabitch had disappeared to.

That was right around when loud gunfire erupted from within.

As the other students gasped in shock, I frowned harder. "That's large arms fire," I said mostly to myself, tilting my head. Judging by the sound effects, it was... a minigun and a machine gun? "She's using actual gunpowder, not the airsoft guns specially designed for the Anti-Sensei BBs. Is she really stupid enough not to use the weapon designed to cut through his cells like a hot knife?"

"How do you know what gunfire sounds like?" Okano asked me curiously.

"Long story," I shrugged.

After about twenty seconds of sustained fire, the shed went silent. "Do... do you think she got him?" one of the guys asked hesitantly.

I shook my head. "I doubt it. Hey, Mr. Karasuma, when did she set this trap up?" She wouldn't have had time today, the octopus wasn't even gone an hour.

"Last night," he told me, studying the shed with crossed arms.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, then, yeah, no, Korosensei knew he was walking into the trap. Nagisa, his sense of smell is ridiculously good, yeah?"

Nagisa nodded. "Yeah."

"Bullets and gunpowder have a distinct smell to them," I continued. "Coppery and stringent. If they were here overnight, Korosensei probably knew that there was a trap waiting in the shed since he arrived this morning."

"Bullets and gunpowder have…" Yada stared at me. "How do you _know_ that?"

"Long story," I repeated, spreading my arms out for emphasis.

I was going to say something more when a terrified shriek rang out from the shed. Oops. Looks like Korosensei's retaliation has begun. "What was that?!" Okano gasped.

"I heard gunfire, a scream, and now slithering noise!" Okajima shouted.

The building itself seemed to slither as the slithering noises continued, now accompanied by breathless feminine gasps.

...Um...?

The gasps kept going, and so did the slithering.

...Ummmmm...?!

"I really want to know what he's doing to her in there," Okajima muttered.

"Let's go!" Maehara said as he started running up the slope to the shed. The rest of us followed shortly.

As we rounded the corner of the shed, the door slid open and out walked Korosensei, his skin bright pink. "Korosensei..." Nagisa said. Smoke drifted out of the shed, and I sniffed. Yep; that was gun smoke. I'd only played GGO twice, really, but I recognized that smell.

"Did you touch her boobs?!" Okajima shouted. Really, dude?

Then I took a closer look at Korosensei himself. All of his clothes were patched up – one of the patches looked like an octopus - and I nodded to myself. Miss Jelabitch had, in fact, been arrogant enough to not use the weapon specially designed to kill Korosensei. Shows what she knew; even a new player is smart enough to use silver to kill the Werewolves in Alfheim, especially when there's signs posted along the entrance to the dungeon where they roam basically saying 'You should probably use the silver weapons sold in town since they do full damage and regular weapons only do half.'

"Ah," Korosensei sighed. His smile was dopey, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the reason why. "If only I had the time to be _really_ thorough..." His color faded back to yellow as he waved a tentacle at us. "But class isn't going to teach itself, is it children?"

"Um," Nagisa asked, "what exactly went on in there?"

That's when Miss Jelabitch staggered out woozily. Gone were the short shorts and the pristine jacket; now she was stuffed into a sports uniform that barely fit her. I think I heard Nagisa call it 'tastefully retro'. "It would take longer to describe the things he did to this body," she moaned with a far-off gaze, "than it did for him to do them."

Damn. That's impressive.

"My back and shoulders have never felt looser... He somehow worked in a lymphatic oil massage... A change of clothes, just because... And he still had time to do this... _thing_...with his tentacles..." She slumped to the ground and collapsed face-first into the dirt.

"What thing with his tentacles!?" Okajima demanded.

"Korosensei," Nagisa turned to our teacher with a dull unimpressed look, "what is she talking about?" he asked him, pointing at the motionless lady.

"Um..." In an instant, Korosensei was staring off into the distance, his face grey and his smile a thin straight line on his face. "Adults sometimes need... special care..."

I don't trust that look, and by the look on his face neither did Nagisa.

"Come now, back to the classroom, boys and girls," Korosensei told us.

"Yes, sir," we chorused as we walked back.

I just realized that I never got my chance at the target. Damn it... Well, I'll take a few shots before heading home. I do need to ask Mr. Karasuma for pointers.

The next class Miss Jelabitch was supposed to teach was another study hall, and while I would normally give less of a shit than normal, this time I was a little irritated. Namely, I'd finished my book earlier and subsequently had nothing to do for this particular hour. If I'd known I'd be wasting two hours of the day just reading, I'd have brought a second book with me.

Instead, I was just sitting in class, bored out of my skull, watching Miss Jelabitch poke angrily at her tablet.

"B-Oh c'mon!" she exploded suddenly. "What's with the Wi-Fi in this place?! Are we on Mars?!"

"Wow," Karma observed, leaning back in his seat. "Looks like Miss Jelabitch is pissed off. I know my pride would be in shambles if it went tits up," he said loudly.

I carefully ignored the urge to mention that it _had_ gone tits up. He was pissing off Miss Jelabitch, and that was likely to be far more amusing than getting one or two good jabs in at him. Sure enough, Miss Jelabitch whirled to glare at him.

"Excuse me," Isogai said calmly. "Miss?"

"Ugh. What?" Miss Jelabitch snapped.

"If you're not going to teach us anything," Isogai continued gamely, "you mind if we swap you out for Korosensei?" He scratched at his cheek. "It's just, we've got entrance exams coming up and-"

"Hah!" Miss Jelabitch barked. "You wanna swap me out for that disgusting creature? You're worried about entrance exams when the planet is on _notice_?" She put her tablet down and stood up from her seat behind the lectern. "Must be paradise not knowing your ass from a hole in the ground." I twitched.

"Give it a rest," Miss Jelabitch sneered. "Even if the Earth wasn't on the brink of destruction, entrance exams are for students with a future." I bristled at the insult, sensing the rest of the class raising their hackles at the same time. "News flash: that's not any of _you_ losers."

Now, I have nothing against getting angry when a plan fails. I do it all the time. I also have nothing about insulting other people. Again, I do it all the time. What I _do_ have a problem with is this trumped-up bitch telling me I'm going to amount to nothing. She doesn't know jack and or shit about what I'm truly capable of.

So. This is going to be interesting.

"How about this, kids?" she spread her arms, mocking us. "Forget the studying! Help me brainstorm on how to kill the octopus, and I'll give you a nice percentage of the reward money! That's the best deal any of you E Class jerkoffs are gonna get out of life!" she declared, sweeping her hand across us in a broad gesture. "Otherwise," she said, raising a finger, "knock it off with the whining and-"

That's when someone threw an eraser and hit the blackboard behind her.

I'm impressed at their restraint; I would have aimed for her forehead.

"Get out," Maehara declared flatly.

Miss Jelabitch paused and looked at the rest of us, finally taking in our dull, angry stares. There was a moment of tension between us...

...and then the class erupted into chaos. Everyone was standing up and throwing things and shouting at her. "You're just a plain old bitch!" someone shouted. I stayed in my seat and watched the carnage with a satisfied smirk on my face; beside me, Karma was doing the same. I could see Nagisa cowering off to my left.

"That's it!" Miss Jelabitch shouted at us as a pen hit the blackboard beside her. "I will make you rue the day you were born!"

"Yeah, go ahead, we dare you, Bitch!" Sugaya shouted.

I noticed Kayano was holding up a sign, though I couldn't see what it said from where I was sitting. "Your boobs are way too big to be a teacher's!" she shouted.

Really, Kayano? Really? _That's_ your problem with this whole situation? I mean, I know you're jealous she kissed Nagisa, but... _boobs_?

Eventually the carnage died down as Miss Bitch made her escape. "Well," I said dryly in the still silence after everyone calmed down slightly. "That went well."

* * *

When we finally had some real free time, some people organized a game of Assassination Badminton, and I was happy to play. I had intended on taking a few shots at the target range, but Assassination Badminton was something I was actually _good_ at.

I tagged out with Kanzaki and jogged off the field, breathing heavily but steadily. The game was fun; at its core it was just basic badminton, but the difficulty came in using a knife to hit the Korosensei-shaped ball. It was just a game, so the ball was larger than a regular badminton birdie, but that made things more difficult. Points were scored the normal way, but the amount of points depended on the winning strike. Slashes, either with the edge or the flat of the blade, were worth one point, and a stab was worth two. When I took a breather, it was eleven to nine, our team's favor.

"Hey, Karma, switch with me," Maehara called. Shrugging, the tall red-head swapped in and joined the game, and Maehara moved over to stand next to me. "Nick? Mind if I ask you a favor?"

I shrugged. "What do you want?"

"Spar with me." I blinked at him. "You've got the best knife skills in the class so far, and I want to get better until I'm good enough to tag Karasuma."

My small grin widened. "Ah. Still smarting over not being able to hit him last time?"

"I know I can do it," Maehara insisted. "I swear that guy's superhuman or something. Anyway, you up for a round? Knives only, first touch wins."

I nodded. "Sure. I've been meaning to get some combat practice in anyway, and you'll probably make a better warm-up than a tree." Before I go after Karasuma, at any rate. I want to fight him at my best, and to be at my best I need to fix my reflexes. They're all trained for someone with about four more inches and a bit more reach than I currently possess.

Maehara and I squared off a little distance from the badminton court; a few people saw us and came over to watch, but most of my attention was on Maehara himself. He was in a careful stance, keeping his vitals guarded and his blade in front of me. There weren't any obvious weak spots, so I just need to...

...drag them out of him. "When you're ready," I murmured, weight shifting.

With a grunt Maehara dashed for the lunge strike. Seeking to end it early and fast, as expected, but I wasn't going to let that happen. My weight was already shifted and so I swayed out of the way and swept my arm up, brushing the blade of his knife away with the flat of mine.

I leaned forward to slash him, but Maehara was quick on his feet if nothing else and he managed to jump out of the way. A tight grin was on my face and I followed through, stepping forward weaving my blade in a typical pattern we'd learned in class. Maehara recognized it, and he blocked the strikes almost without thinking.

I changed up the last blow though, sinking down a little tiny bit lower to slip beneath his guard. Maehara had about a second to try to shift his guard, but it was too little, too late, and my blade scored his arm.

I danced away, smiling, and Maehara straightened up. "Damn," he shook his head. "Guess I still have a ways to go before I'm gonna be able to hit Mr. K."

"Don't take it too hard," I grinned. "I've had a lot more practice." He raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged. "Long story." I feel like that's going to be one of my go-to phrases, isn't it?

He nodded and wandered off to rejoin the badminton game. I, on the other hand, had swapped out so I could catch my breath and relax a little bit, and I'd seemed to not be able to do that while sparring with Maehara.

While walking here and there to cool down from the sparring, I looked up at the top of the hill and frowned. Karasuma and Miss Bitch were standing there, watching us play, and I couldn't make out what they were doing up there. The sun was behind them, and I had to shield my eyes.

Whatever they were talking about, it probably involved us in general; but when they turned to walk back into the school, I knew it wasn't one of us in particular. Of course, they could be waiting to call someone in later, but I doubt it.

Well, whatever. I can deal with that if it comes to it.

I turned back to watch the game just in time to see Isogai slash the Koroball and knock it into Yada; she blocked, but wasn't able to retaliate in time. There was some friendly bantering, then the scores were adjusted; the new score was fourteen to ten, still our favor. Hm. I might switch back in soon, or I could see about running over to the firing range and getting a few shots in...

Just before our next class started, everyone was chatting in the class. I saw Okano and Yada playing cards over on their desks, and Nagisa and Kayano were studiously copying my homework while Karma made snide comments, sipping from one of his juice boxes. I just grinned to myself and relaxed on the windowsill.

The door slid open and I stiffened. Miss Bitch was standing there, silent. As we all watched, she wordlessly walked over to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk. I sighed. Another study hall? This was starting to get old.

What she wrote on the board wasn't 'Study Hall', but in fact, «You are incredible in bed.»

What the hell is wrong with our teachers? I'm genuinely asking here.

"What word does 'incredible' modify?" Miss Bitch asked, turning around to look at us as we took our seats. "You know this one."

Nobody answered.

"Read it aloud."

«You are incredible in bed,» we chorused dutifully. Karma's delivery of the line was flawless and nearly accentless, but the majority of the class had stilted delivery. Still, one fluent non-native speaker in a class this size in middle school? Pretty good.

I wasn't counting myself because of my rather unique background leaving me bilingual.

"I once took out an American VIP, literally," Miss Bitch told us. "I had my feminine grace to thank for getting me close to the target. The poor dude fell for me hook, line, and sinker. «You are incredible in bed,» he told me. Incredible, in this case, modifies the word 'you'." Well damn, she managed to tie it back into a lesson after all. She sets it up and knocks it out of the park.

I was fine with it, but after a second half the class lit up bright red. _That's the example you use with junior high kids?_ they seemed to be thinking.

"To learn grammar, you've got to see how it works in the real world," Miss Bitch told us. I glanced down at the book in my bag. "Like a full immersion course in a foreign language. Take a lover that speaks it and you can't miss.

"I know grammar seems boring and technical. But it's what underpins how we communicate." She smiled. "Communication is key in my line of work, and in life. Whether speaking English, French, Portuguese, what have you, all people have an underlying need to express their feelings." I express mine! Just... through violence and swearing. "That's why this is important. The examples may be risqué, but they come from real life scenarios. They will all have either been said by me, or to me by someone else. One day, you might hear or use them yourselves."

Both Nakamura and Okajima seemed to have zoned out. I wonder what they're daydreaming about...

"Don't expect me to be like the octopus," Miss Bitch said, not looking directly at us. "He can help you with your entrance exams - which isn't without value, I suppose. All I can do is help you learn the art of conversation." It was almost funny, the way she was both super awkward and trying so hard to sound like she wasn't.

"Here's the deal," she told us, playing with her fingers. "If after a while you think this is stupid, that I'm not a teacher, fine. I'll give up my assignment, and leave." My eyebrows rose. That easily? Give up just like that? Now I'm _really_ wondering what Karasuma said to her. "So..." She still wouldn't look at us. "This oughta put us on the level, right?"

Finally she looked at us, cheeks red and fingers laced nervously. "Oh, and... I'm sorry about being... such a bitch."

Wow. Okay then.

The entire class looked at each other, and none of us were sure how to react right away. I mean, after she said something like _that_ , we couldn't exactly stay mad at her for insulting us earlier like that - and if I read between the lines, _we_ were the ones that had final say over whether she stayed or went. If she wanted to keep trying her luck against the octopus, she'd _have_ to play nice.

Suddenly everyone else broke out laughing, and I blinked, surprised. Why were we laughing? Miss Bitch didn't seem to know either, judging by her blank look. "Wow, talk about a one-eighty," Karma called out with a grin. "First you wanna kill us, now you're acting like a wuss!"

"Agh!" Miss Bitch gasped in angry shock. Heh. I guess that _is_ a little funny. Though, someone wanting and trying to kill me was hardly new, so... I guess... I dunno.

"I gotta say," Maehara said, "you make a more convincing teacher with this attitude."

"Guess this means we shouldn't call you Miss Jelabitch anymore!" Okano chirped.

Miss Jelavic gasped and stared at us. "You're giving me a chance?" She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes shimmering. "You're not upset with me?"

"To be totally fair," Kataoka said, "we didn't get off on the right foot with that nickname."

Miss Jelavic smiled happily. "Maybe not," Okano said, "but we've gotta call her something!"

"How about..." Maehara said, "Miss Hello-Bitch?"

And that was the moment that her happy little bubble of student acceptance shattered. "Or," Miss Jelavic suggested, "we could just move away from the whole Bitch motif altogether... I'm not opposed to going by Irina, if you guys don't mind calling a teacher b-"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Maehara said with a calm smile. "I wouldn't plan on the Bitch thing going away anytime soon."

Irina's face was a treasure trove of shock and dismay.

"Mm-hmm!" Okano nodded as the others started to laugh. "Not that Miss Irina isn't a pretty name, it's just not as much fun to say as Jela-Bitch."

"Professor Bitch sounds classy," Kurahashi added. "How about we use that?" Not a bad idea. It had merit.

I watched with a grin as Professor Bitch's face went from shock and dismay to dark, boiling anger. I swear I could see the vein in her forehead twitch. "I vote for that one!" Okajima said, raising his hand. "Professor Bitch all the way!"

Professor Bitch's anger finally reached the boiling point and she exploded, shrieking with impotent anger. "I hate you little turds so much!" she shouted, starting to throw pieces of chalk at the class. We all laughed as she raged at us, shouting and swearing.

Maybe if I listen, I'll get a chance to learn some new swear words. Nothing beats swearing in a foreign language - they all sound so _exotic_.

"Do you know who you're messing with?!" she shouted after one student called out a welcome using her new nickname. "I will _end_ you!"

The girls all cheered a, "Welcome to E Class, Professor Bitch!"

Professor Bitch glared at everyone impartially. "You want Bitch?! I'll give you the bitchiest bitch you've ever seen!"

"You're so adorable when you're mad," Kurahashi said cheerfully.

"No I am not!"

As the commotion continued, I just sighed and started going over the homework assigned from Korosensei's classes that morning. Things were going to be loud for a while, I'm guessing, so might as well be productive while ignoring everything going on around me.

As I worked on the assignment, I wondered if Korosensei saw all of this coming. The octopus was absolutely brilliant, after all - he wrote all of the tests individually, and mine were gradually getting more and more complex as he found out what came easily to me and what I had to work on. I was getting fewer and fewer math problems in general, and the ones I did get were couched in ridiculous obfuscation. Still, it was at least _beginning_ to _maybe_ seem like it _might_ be a challenge, so progress... But back on track, he had to have expected that the government would try charming him sooner or later. I wonder...

However much or little planning he's doing, regardless of the reason why he started teaching here at E Class, it's clear this boss has us wrapped around his little tentacles.

* * *

 **What a bitch, am I right?**

 **I think the most amusing part of this chapter, for me, was either the way Nick just calmly shifted how he thought about Irina (I'll use Irina in Author Notes just because it's easier to type) without making a big deal about it, or the way he was completely clueless about why everyone was falling for her charms. I'm surprised nobody called him out on the 'sex drive' snark, though he probably got some weird looks and just ignored them like he always does.**

 **As for the name thing, Nick's probably gonna settle on Professor Bitch (or Irina, in the occasional case where she's acting as a professional assassin, not a teacher). It's kinda the same thing with Karasuma – he's Karasuma at all times, unless Nick is speaking to him (because remember, he tends to be polite on the surface) or he's thinking about Karasuma's skills in being violent (like when he wants to get gun instructions). Why does he want to learn to use a gun when he's already the best knife user in the class? One, because it's his character to never give up a skill that could be useful; two, because he has an almost compulsive need to be proficient enough to never make a visible mistake at whatever he does; and three, because he's trying to impress Shino. Hey, she's his sister, he wants her to be proud of him.**

 **Irina is one of those characters that is necessary for the plot, even if Nick won't be having much interaction with her personally. I mean, he's already bilingual; the only things she could teach him now are conversation tactics, and he's got no interest in those right now. That being said, should that change he'll probably seek her out sooner or later.**

 **In other relevant news, Nick's found his new favorite phrase for brushing past any weirdness that people notice about him ("Long story") and his new punching bags I mean training partners. Isogai and Maehara will be sparring with him off-screen (and maybe onscreen – it'll be longer than this one, of course) in order to be good enough to beat Karasuma.**

 **Honestly, though, this chapter did highlight a lot of why Nick always feels so isolated from others. He doesn't react to Professor Bitch the same way everyone else does, first off, so there's that, and then furthermore his emotional reactions are… not the same as normal people. Normal people would be shaken by Irina's casual threat at her introduction – Nick is not only unfazed, he grades it and it doesn't even pass. When he's surrounded by his friends, the other people from Aincrad and Alfheim and Gun Gale Online, the emotional offset is comical because they have that same offset just to a slightly lesser degree, but here it's almost jarring. Notice how Nick will usually notice when the entire class reacts in a certain way? That's usually because** _ **he's not reacting like that**_ **so he CAN notice.**

 **He's been quiet recently, but that's because he doesn't have anyone with him. Until he knows where everyone falls on the sliding scale of putting up with his shit,**

 **Since someone asked, Nick lives by himself in, like, a regular-sized apartment with some little shortcuts to make life easier. He can just open up his closet to get clothes, he always has 'enough' money - which is enough to buy food and stuff, but not enough to just do whatever - and his fridge is usually full of ingredients/whatever leftovers he has. (basically, it's the authorial 'don't fuckin worry about it', assume he has all normal standards of living)**

 **Anyway, same drill as always: thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

… **Seriously, though,** _ **suppository**_ **? I HAVE to be hearing that wrong… but it's the only word that fits. Did the script writers not know what it meant? (Swear to gods, that's what's in the English dub. The manga uses 'beady')**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 3**

 **(Part 2 is in Chapter 3)**

After that, the conversation strayed for a bit, with Asuna asking how things were going with Kana and with our college plans and things like that before just falling silent and focusing on cutting my hair.

I allowed myself to follow her suggestion to just close my eyes and relax as I listened to the methodical snips of the scissors and felt the occasional tug of her hands on my hair, though I could have sworn I heard something else in the background. "..." It sounded like someone murmuring in the background, probably female given the timbre of the murmurs. Whatever; maybe Asuna's mom got home early.

"Hey, Asuna?"

"Hm?"

...Were those voices getting louder? I could hear rustling nearby and small clinks, like someone was putting something glass onto a table... Probably nothing. Could be that Asuna's mother was setting out a few glasses of water for me and Asuna. "You mentioned that you wanted a younger brother, right?"

I couldn't see it, but I could feel her smile. "Yeah... it was nice having an older brother growing up, but I've always wanted a younger brother I could dote on and maybe tease."

"Well..." I fidgeted with my hands slightly. "I've... kinda... well, now that I _have_ a family that I care about, I've been wondering what it's like to have an older sister. So, um... I wouldn't mind being your younger brother now and then." Normally, the dynamic of my family meant I was always the older brother. I was older than her and Rika by a year, Sugu and Shino by three, and Keiko by four but... it would be nice. Of course, this was embarrassing as hell so I kept my eyes closed for some small measure of deniability.

"Really?" she gasped. "Thank you, Nick, that means a lot to me..." She leaned forward and gave me a hug, her hair brushing against my neck. "Um... do you remember that trip the girls and I took a few months back? The one to Kyoto?"

"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Well, we got to talking, and it turns out pretty much all of us are either only children or younger sisters. And... the others mentioned they'd been wondering what it was like to have a younger brother themselves. Except Keiko, she likes having her older brother."

I could see exactly where this was going. "Fine, fine, you can tell them they can be my older sisters from time to time too. Rika, Sugu, and I guess Shino too if she wants. I... I guess it'll be nice to have big sisters every now and then."

Asuna giggled. "Thanks, Nick. You're the best." Then, after adjusting the cape around my neck, she tilted my head forward and started work on the front part of my hair.

 **Nick'll do pretty much anything for Asuna or his other sisters, especially if she asks him like this.**


	6. Assembly Time

**Chapter 6: Assembly Time**

* * *

I yawned widely as I wandered idly through the halls of our school building. I'd felt a little more tired this morning, so it was taking a little bit longer for me to wake up, but I was almost there. I could feel it, the way my thoughts were relatively ordered and the way my brain was parsing the world around me.

"Thank you for the help, children. I really appreciate it."

I blinked and stopped just a step into the intersection. I was staring at the ground like usual, but my peripheral vision wasn't picking up any people nearby; I turned towards where I'd heard Korosensei's voice and peeked into the staff lounge. "You may have more hands than the rest of us," Kataoka said, "but it'd still be a stretch for you to carry all this lab equipment by yourself." She leaned over and picked up a few yellow tubs, and some glass clinked.

Oh, that's right, we had lab next didn't we?

"Exactly," Korosensei said as he collected various dishes and flasks in a few of his tentacles. "Now it's a one-trip job. No _wonder_ you were both elected class officers. So reliable!"

Isogai and Kataoka were helping Korosensei move the lab equipment, and I leaned against the door. "Thanks, but you really could have done this without us." Isogai was the first to notice me - or, well, the first to say something; I assume Korosensei knew I was coming before I'd turned at the intersection. "Hey, Nick," he said, holding a few tubs of his own. "Would you mind helping out?"

I shrugged. No reason not to, really. "Sure." I wandered in and grabbed a tub from Kataoka's load and a tub from Isogai's load, making sure nothing got crunched when I stacked them on top of each other. "Lead the way."

"The more the merrier, eh!" Korosensei nodded. Despite his omnipresent smile not moving in the slightest, I get the feeling he was approving.

"I have a question, sir," Isogai said. "Are you starting to feel at home? Like, with all of us?"

Kataoka gave him a grin, but her expression said 'Are you really asking that?' "Wow," she said. "I can't believe you're really asking him that." Well damn, go go gadget expression-reading powers. Despite her question to Isogai, she turned to smile at Korosensei.

"Put in those terms, I'd say I feel incredibly at home. As your teacher." Korosensei turned and started slithering towards the door, and the three of us followed him.

"That's strange," Kataoka observed.

Korosensei turned to glance at her. "Really?"

"Well yeah," Isogai said as we walked down the hall. "A creature like you taking any interest at all in a group of junior high kids isn't exactly something you see every day."

"I mean, you actually teach us, so it's borderline cool," Kataoka continued, "it just takes getting used to."

"Yeah, no kidding," Isogai laughed as Korosensei stopped at the door to the classroom and slid the door open.

I sighed as the door opening revealed three students lying in wait with knives; Maehara and Mimura by the blackboard and Okajima at the side of the door. Maehara lunged as Okajima slashed downwards, and Korosensei blurred out of the way, dashing into the classroom. Maehara relies on the lunge opening a little too much, to the point where it's getting predictable. They missed with their first attacks, and turned to try again. "And then there's the whole assassination thing," Isogai said calmly, the three of us closing our eyes to avoid the wind as Korosensei lashed out with a tentacle to grab the tubs from our hands.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed in that all but literal trademark way of his, setting down the equipment for lab even while Maehara, Okajima, and Mimura chased after him to press the attack. "A vital part of my role, I might argue. Target, teacher... We ought not to separate the two." He didn't even bother looking at Okajima to dodge the dashing stab, or avoid Maehara's attack from behind.

Eventually, the final tripod was placed over a beaker, and Korosensei was done setting everything up. I glanced over at the pile of would-be assassins panting for breath over in the corner. "Really, did they honestly think an attack that straightforward would work?" I sighed, taking my seat across from Karma and beside Okuda, the girl that sat in front of me.

"Did he seriously just dodge three knives while prepping lab?" Maehara wheezed.

Isogai wandered over to peer down at them. "Hey Maehara, you okay?" Those two were close friends, and likely had been for some time before this year. That was the only thing that could explain how two strong-willed people like them would manage to be so close after only a few weeks. Anything involving me or Nagisa was a special case, since I was passive when I wasn't insulting someone and I swear that kid didn't have an antagonistic bone in his body.

Maehara managed to gasp out an affirmative just as the bell rang, and Korosensei started laughing his laugh again. "They should know by now that was too obvious. Am I right, Teach?" Karma said laconically from the back of the classroom.

"Alright boys and girls, let's begin," Korosensei announced as he made his way to the front of the room. Strangely enough, as he passed our table Okuda let out a little whimper and I glanced at her; she had her hands on the table in front of her and her body was trembling ever so slightly. My lips curled into a small lopsided smirk - she was going to try something soon.

The lab itself was fairly straightforward - make a mixture of the chemicals provided to us, dunk some candy into it, then add one last chemical and watch in awe as the chemical interaction stripped the food of its artificial coloring, dying the chemical water mixture whatever color and leaving the candy a gross mess.

Even _I_ wouldn't eat that. It looks super gross.

...Oh, right, Korosensei was doing a demo up front, because some groups were having trouble following simple directions. Honestly. "Wow!" the class gasped in awe as he showed it off with some red twisted candy clumped in the bottom. I think it was called Tweezlers or something?

"It's bright red!" someone murmured.

"Tada!" Korosensei announced, lifting the now-pink candy from the beaker. "And that's how we extract food coloring from processed foods."

My eyes narrowed. We're done? But there's still... I growled and hunched over, grabbing at the candy on our table on a sudden suspicion.

It was only half a second later that there was a burst of wind blowing past us. There was a brief tugging on the candy I'd managed to secure, but I bared my teeth and the tugging vanished. An instant later, everyone was yelping with shock and dismay as Korosensei appeared, clutching all the various snacks the class had brought to his chest with both tentacles. "I'll, uh," the octopus said, "I'll just take the leftover samples, thank you." I glared at the snack-thieving monster, silently daring him to come at me and try taking the food, but he didn't meet my eyes and I relaxed my hackles a bit. "Excuse me!" He blurred away. Probably to the teacher's lounge to stash the candy.

"Good save, Nick," Karma told me. "Toss me a pack of something, would ya?"

I considered denying his request, given that _I_ was the one to save the food, not him, but on the other hand he's been generous with his treats before, so turnabout is fair play. Do unto others as they have done unto you - or in the terms of a book I read once, be nice until they've been nasty.

"Wait!" Mimura shouted as Korosensei reappeared, looking smug. "We bought those for ourselves!"

"Is it me," Maehara said as he glared at our teacher, "or did he do this lab solely to support his junk food habit between paychecks?" Nagisa was looking a little dumbfounded, while Kayano was smiling uneasily.

Kataoka just sighed. "My question's why a super-organism has to live on a teacher's salary in the first place."

I was munching away happily on a chocolate-covered pretzel, so I didn't care.

Beside me, Okuda stood up, and my eyes snapped to her even while my hand kept ferrying salty-sweet goodness to my facehole. Nervously, she picked her way past the other tables and stopped in front of Korosensei. The rest of the class looked on in surprise, and Korosensei let out a little, "Eh?"

"I, uh..." Okuda stammered. "Well..."

"Go on, speak up, Okuda," Korosensei urged gently. "What can I do for you?"

"Um..." She brought her hands around and presented the contents to him; twin beakers, full of different colored liquids. "Poison, sir!" she announced. "Would you drink it, please?"

Uh... Well, that's certainly, um... It's a... _unique_ method of delivery.

Nakamura was twirling a lock of her hair and smiling awkwardly, while the rest of the class was muttering to themselves. "Well, she doesn't beat around the bush," Maehara said.

"Takes less energy than trying to attack him head-on with knives," I snarked.

Okajima stared dully at me. "Shut up."

"I'm sorry," Okuda said to Korosensei while we were all bickering back and forth. "Is this weird?"

Even Korosensei seemed a bit thrown, though I couldn't only tell because of the one small bead of sweat on his otherwise perfect poker face. "It's certainly a... straightforward assassination attempt, I'll give you that."

"See, the thing is, sir," Okuda said, "I'm not very good at being sneaky. I mean, everyone else is so good at this stuff..."

"Pfft!"

I looked around innocently, but nobody was buying that I hadn't just smothered a bark of laughter.

"But me?" Okuda continued, still holding out her vials. "What I'm good at is chemistry! And I put my heart and soul into this mixture!"

"Alrighty, then," Mimura said awkwardly. Yada had her hands frozen in midair, like she wanted to go up there and give Okuda a big hug but couldn't because of how bizarre this situation had become.

"Um... Okuda?" Sugino said. "Points for throwing in, but no one's _that_ stupid."

Korosensei stared at the smaller girl. "Your heart and soul?" he repeated, taking one of the vials and uncorking it. "Don't mind if I do, then!" he announced, tilting his head back and pouring the entire contents of the vial.

What the _fuck_.

As he swallowed, the entire class erupted into murmurs of 'did that just happen' and 'what's he going to do?'

"Urg!" Korosensei doubled over, clutching at his stomach. As he made choking noises, we all stopped to stare at him. ...Would this actually work? He started twitching, pulsating, and doing other weird gross things with his body. "This... this is..." he said in a strangled voice.

"Is it really gonna work?" Isogai asked. "This might be it!"

Suddenly, Korosensei turned blue and grew spikes. "Gyerk," he… He didn't say it, but he definitely vocalized something.

The class sighed in disappointment. "...Or he could just grow horns," Isogai sighed.

"Quite a kick!" Korosensei said. Wait, why is only his face blue? "Sodium hydroxide, I believe." NaOH. "Good try, Miss Okuda. If I were human, I would most definitely have bought the farm."

Hah... I'm just gonna sit back and watch this. I don't really know what's happening anymore, and I think it'd be best for me not to question things until the world makes a normal amount of sense again. Well, normal in the sense that Korosensei was yellow and wasn't drinking poison for the hell of it.

"Oh, I see..." Okuda murmured.

Korosensei looked at the vial and the flask he was still holding. "Shall I try the other two I have here as well?"

Okuda nodded. "Yes please!"

"Right! Down the hatch!" And with that, Korosensei poured the second vial into his mouth. This one was a grey color. This time, when he started choking and vibrating - giving off afterimages, somehow - I didn't get my hopes up. I get the feeling he's playing this up for the attention. Despite his writhing, I wasn't going to be fooled a second time.

This time he turned light green and grew wings.

I feel like he's one of those... Chao things from a game I played once. "He grew _wings_ this time?" Isogai asked, dumbfounded as the wings flapped a little bit.

"Wow," Sugaya said, "he's starting to look kinda fancy."

"Thallium acetate," Korosensei pronounced. I don't know the chemical formula for this one off the top of my head, but acetate is one of the molecular ions. C-O3 is carbonate... But I know acetate has carbon in it... "Interesting." Meh, I'll figure it out later if I care enough. "Let's see what the last one does!"

He poured it in his open mouth without a second's hesitation.

This time, he was gurgling and making weird noises like the first two times, but now he was giving off a swirling purple aura. "Uh-oh!" Okano gasped.

"Not sure I wanna see this!" Isogai shouted over the rushing of the wind from Korosensei's transformation sequence.

"I guess this isn't even his final form," I muttered with a raised eyebrow.

He changed, and I could swear I heard a soft gonging sound. All the other transformations had gone back, and now he was just... pale grey, with two dotted eyes and a dot for a mouth.

"That's boring," Kayano muttered.

"This just keeps getting weirder and weirder," Sugino opined.

Korosensei was saying something, but his voice was different and I couldn't hear it. Something about aqua regia or how the poisons change his appearance a certain extent? Perhaps. All I know is, these transformations have no rhyme and or reason to them.

"I don't like this look," Isogai said, "it's creeping me out."

Mimura wondered out loud, "This one turns him into an emoticon?"

"If you hate me, I understand," Korosensei rasped, "But please don't hate assassination."

I feel like that's a reference to something, something I should know, but I can't put my finger on it. How galling.

"What's that even supposed to mean?!" Okajima whined.

Korosensei turned his attention back to Okuda. "Also, young lady," he said sternly, "as your teacher I cannot overlook the fact that you handled toxic substances unsupervised." So it's perfectly fine that a _middle school student_ was mixing up fairly complicated - aside from sodium hydroxide, since I think that's just a matter of running a current through a saltwater solution and using electrolysis to split apart the sodium, chloride, hydrogen, and oxygen atoms - chemicals, just not that she was doing it without adult supervision.

Seriously, I don't even know what the fuck aqua regia _is_! Guessing by the name it's got something to do with royalty and water, but that tells me _so much_ doesn't it?

Okuda looked down. "Yes, sir," she murmured. "Sorry, sir."

"Don't worry," Korosensei told her, lifting a tentacle, "I have an idea! Why don't we work together on a poison that has a little bit more of a kick?"

...What. ...What?

I opened my mouth to say something, but I had nothing to say. You'd think by now I'd be used to Korosensei being perfectly chill about us trying our level best to murder him in increasingly inventive ways, but... nope. Still jarring.

"Ah! Sure!" Okuda said, and even without seeing her face I could see that she was beaming.

Off at Kayano and Nagisa's table, I glanced at them; Nagisa's expression hadn't changed the entire time, but Kayano was just staring in resignation. "Doesn't seem like that's gonna end in success, if you ask me," she said.

"Might get some good notes out of it, at least," Nagisa replied.

Later that day, I was searching for Mr. Karasuma, and found him standing by the windows, watching a group of students play assassination badminton. I stopped by the window, waiting for him to notice me, and watched the game while I waited. I couldn't tell exactly who was playing from here, even with my glasses, but the white shirt and ponytail told me Yada was on the right. Stupid eyesight... I miss having my special Cait Sith eyes. A whistle blew, and by the way the right side was celebrating I figured they must have scored.

Mr. Karasuma watched the game for a few more seconds, then turned to me suddenly. "Oh, Nick," he said after blinking slightly. "I thought... Never mind." I raised an eyebrow, but it seemed like he wasn't going to continue. "What do you need?"

"Advice," I said simply. "I've been trying to improve my aim, but it's not good enough for me yet. Could you give me some pointers?"

"Of course." I nodded gratefully and started walking off towards the firing range near the back.

"Hey there big boy," a sultry voice called out. "How's tricks?"

I stopped when I didn't feel Mr. Karasuma following me anymore, and turned back to see Professor Bitch strutting towards us, pulling at the top of her very revealing outfit. "Professor Bitch," I greeted her politely.

"Brat!" she snapped at me, and I grinned. She can only keep the seductive act up when someone isn't needling her, I guess. "It's an absolute sauna in here," she continued, picking up exactly where she'd left off with Mr. Karasuma. "Ah! Aren't you on fire?" She wrapped her arm around Mr. Karasuma's, pressing her chest close to him.

Hm. I get to see flirting in the wild.

"That's... not the word I would use, no," Mr. Karasuma said in a flat deadpan, and Professor Bitch growled under her breath. Damn, shot down after the opening volley. Harsh. "Look, save the act for the target. Back off."

Professor Bitch let go of him with a huff. "Ugh! I swear, you're such a killjoy."

"If you're going to cut it as a teacher here, pull it together," Mr. Karasuma said without even looking at her. "I thought we had discussed this. Now, unless you had some important business, I was going to assist Nick with his aiming."

"It's not an act, it's hotter than Hell in this dump," Professor Bitch grumbled, fanning herself. "How do they expect these kids to function without AC?" I wasn't sure if I should keep walking, or just listen to Professor Bitch try and fail to seduce Mr. Karasuma, or what... Mr. Karasuma nodded to me, and I shrugged and kept walking. I'm sure he'll catch up to me when he's done with Professor Bitch.

After excusing myself - and getting another outraged hiss from Professor Bitch - I resumed making my way outside to the gun range. I got sidetracked when I walked past the entrance to the classroom and noticed Okuda and Korosensei standing huddled over a chemistry set, talking about something. I leaned against the opening, watching them do mad science together, and I'm pretty sure Korosensei noticed I was there; still, Okuda was too focused on the task at hand to even look up and Korosensei didn't acknowledge me, so after a few more seconds of watching them I kept going on my way.

Science! ...No, that's not right, I needed to hiss the sibilants more and snap out the landing syllable. _Science!_ That's better. Should I add a hand wave to it as well? _Science~!_ Eh, that'll do, I guess.

I made my way to the range, and surprisingly enough Okano was there was well, taking a few shots. I blinked a few times - she tends to prefer knives, same as me - and shrugged, grabbing some headphones and slipping them on. They weren't strictly necessary – the air guns had basically no sound to them, especially not compared to an actual pistol or, gods forbid, the bark of Shino's sniper rifle – but when Shino dragged me to a gun range in GGO she insisted on giving me a gun safety rundown, and I'd promised to follow her orders like a good brother. These headphones even had a little place for me to plug into my music player so I could listen to my music while I tried shooting a thing.

I'm not entirely sure how 'go to the range and fire off a couple rounds' became 'sparring with Okano, knife vs knife', but it did and so here we are.

"Hah!" I slashed and spun with it, kicking out with a roundhouse to her head.

Okano dodged the slash and managed to block the roundhouse, cartwheeling with it. I grinned tightly as she landed on her feet, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet. "Kill!" she shouted, rushing towards me in zig-zag steps and forcing me to defend from both sides. I stepped to the right and presented my knife to the left, bringing my hands up to guard my head.

Instead, she dropped to the ground and kicked out, trying to catch my legs and knock me to the ground. I took the fall well, settling into a three-point stance when the dust settled. Okano grinned and lunged, but I cast a handful of dust I'd grabbed and she had to cover her eyes, aborting the strike.

If this were Alfheim, what would I do? I'd push myself back and summon my wings. But I can't do that here, so instead I rolled to the side and got my feet under me, jumping back with a grunt. As I landed, Okano stopped pawing at her eyes and stood up. "Dirty shot," she glared at me.

"Kill Korosensei fighting fair, then," I sniped at her. I swayed from side to side, getting into a rhythm, before immediately breaking that rhythm and dashing forward with a telegraphed knife stab towards her head. When she brought her hands up to guard the blow, I grinned. Just because I couldn't summon my wings didn't mean I couldn't adapt some of my Sword Skills; I twisted, planting my feet and sending my right fist streaking towards her wide-open solar plexus.

I pulled my punch enough to just tap her stomach lightly. "Dead," I pronounced.

"What?" Okano complained. "From that? No way." Still, she accepted the ruling and settled.

I straightened up. "No, from the knife to the throat after knocking the wind out of you," I told her plainly. "Good fight, though."

She grinned at me. "Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

"Video games." She rolled her eyes at me, and I shrugged. "What? It's true."

"Uh huh. Sure."

I just smiled. Tell the truth in a bizarre enough fashion, and people won't believe a word of it. "Let's just say I've had reason to learn how to defend myself. Especially from opponents larger than me, so karate serves me well."

"I knew I recognized some of those moves," she said.

I tilted my head. "What about you? Martial arts? That cartwheel seemed practiced."

She beamed at me. "Gymnastics, actually." I nodded; that made sense. She was certainly lithe enough, and light on her feet. "Hey, is that Okuda?"

I turned to see the girl walking out of the classroom, beaming happily. "So it is," I shrugged. "She seems happy."

"Kinda a shame her assassination attempt didn't work," Okano sighed.

"But if it had, you wouldn't have received any of the money," I said drily. "We're all competing for the prize, and only one of us can get the Last Attack Bonus."

"The what?"

I blinked. Shit. "Don't worry about it - long story. Anyway, I'm gonna get a few more shots in, hopefully Mr. Karasuma has managed to shake Professor Bitch by now."

Okano waved me off, and I trotted off towards the range again. Maybe I can tighten my clustering, as Shino would say. Ooh! Maybe these skills will carry over when I wake up, and I can use a pistol as a surprise weapon in the next BoB. That'd shock Shino but good.

... _Science~_. 'I saw her and Korosensei yesterday doing _Science~_.' No, no, the word needs to have more of a bark to it... 'I saw her and Korosensei yesterday doing _Science!_ '. As long as I don't hiss the first sibilant, it'll work. 'I saw her and Korosensei yesterday doing _Science!_ '. Practicing these lines is hard, but necessary.

The next morning, I was sore _and_ tired. "Mmrgh-hng," I grumbled, wincing when a rib protested. Okano had got me good with a kick yesterday, though I hadn't noticed the pain because I was busy trying to stab her with a stabby thing. What's the word for that - knife. That's it, a knife. I was trying to stab her with a knife.

"Nick, are you okay?" I looked up at Nagisa's question. She was staring at me with some concern in her eyes.

"Fine," I rasped, rubbing at a spectacular bruise on my arm. "Okano."

"You were doing something with Okano yesterday?" she asked, somehow able to understand my phrases and translate. "Sparring? Or something else."

I just raised a finger. Number one, you got it, woo. Go team.

"Sparring, then." Nagisa grinned sympathetically. "Looks painful."

"Fun." I liked pain, really. It was the evidence that I'd actually gone out and fought someone capable of hurting me.

The rest of the pre-class morning passed by in a blur of me lying on my desk like a lump, and eventually the bell rang to signal morning classes. I looked up blearily to see Okuda standing in front of me, a flask of red liquid in her hands, and Kayano staring at it with a worried expression on her face. "Um... Okay, so he really asked you to bring the poison to class?" she asked Okuda.

"Yeah!" she smiled. "He said the stuff in this flask should work like a charm." Woo, hooray, we're going to poison someone~ I wonder if it's a health drain toxin or a paralysis potion? I don't like paralysis poisons. I used one to kill people, and that was how I killed the first person, way back in Aincrad. I killed them by hitting them with a poisoned throwing needle and then cutting them with the Nightblade. Heath drain poisons are fun, though. I like the Nightblade.

"I saw her and Korosensei yesterday doing _Science!_ " I informed the group of four, the practiced line flowing smoothly. Nagisa stared at me, and I just blinked at him. What? Was the inflection bad?

Evidently, he decided it didn't matter enough to ask. "He even drew a manga of the safety guidelines for the proper use and storage," Nagisa said, looking like he couldn't believe what he was reading. "I'm impressed. Going the extra mile yet again..."

I glanced over his shoulder. It looked typical - don't eat or drink this poison, don't get it on yourself, so on and so forth... The manga was some Goofus and Gallant style thing where a guy didn't store the poison properly and so his girlfriend broke up with him, but when he put away the poisonous material properly he got a promotion or something? Basically, safety guidelines always all boil down to 'respect the poison and don't be a dingus'. There might be special requirements for stuff like FOOF, but not this stuff.

"I know he's unconventional and all," Sugino began dubiously, "but giving us the goods on a poison that'll kill him?" Hm... Now that he says that, it would be stupid for Korosensei to do that. Which implies it's a trick. But what is he trying to teach Okuda that would require a use of this trick?

"Nice, right?" Okuda smiled. "I think it's his way of encouraging me. I'm good at chemistry, not words. He says to focus on my strengths."

I snorted and turned away, making my way back to my desk. Idiot. Behind me, I could hear Nagisa assuring Okuda that that's just how I was, and not to take it personally. So, words, was it? He was being tricksy to teach her how to words right, I'm guessing. But how would the poison be wordsing? Bluh... Tired.

The door opened, and Korosensei slithered in. "Good morning everyone," he called out, same as always. "Take your seats, please."

Instead of taking her seat like expected, though, Okuda made her way up to Korosensei - unlike yesterday, though, she walked up confidently with a smile on her face. "Here it is, sir!" she told him, extending the flask to him. "Just like you asked!"

"Ah, nice work," he complimented her as he took the flask in one tentacle. "Well, here's to your health, children!" He popped the cork. "Salut!" I know that! It's that thing that people say before they drink! It's French.

Korosensei poured the poison down his gullet.

We watched, a few of the students sucking in a breath.

When Korosensei jerked, letting out a sound of shock, and his eyes started glowing red, I knew my instincts had been right again. As he started cackling madly, muscles - muscles?! He's made of freaking tentacles! - started bulging and I briefly contemplated ducking and overturning my desk for some shelter. "Thank you, Okuda!" Korosensei growled out. "Thank you very much indeed!" he cackled. "This concoction is precisely what I needed to level up!"

Oh for fuck's sake. So _he_ can level up but I can't? This system is rigged all to the hells.

"Wait, you..." Okuda mumbled, staring at the glowing Korosensei. "I don't..." Idiot girl.

"GUOOOOOOOHHHH!" Korosensei exclaimed, all but literally exploding with pressure and force.

And then he melted.

Literally. He turned into a silvery-grey goop, melting off of his desk. ...Y'know? I'm considering just not asking questions anymore. I feel like it'll make my day go by with fewer headaches in it.

"He melted?!" the rest of the class screamed.

"Phew..." Korosensei's voice sounds weird. High-pitched and reedy. "You didn't think that was a poison, did you? On the contrary, I had you whip up a special tonic designed to increase my fluidity." Korosensei's new liquid body bulged and then burst outwards. He dashed across the room, and I jumped; the new grey blur was so much faster that I couldn't even begin to track where it had gone. My only hint to his location was Kataoka's surprised gasp, and I looked over her way to see her staring at her desk. "In liquid form," Korosensei announced, "I can fit comfortably into the tightest nooks and crannies." Increase in mobility, increase in ability to avoid being trapped. Or perhaps it was more that I was able to track his large body through familiarity, so this smaller form was harder to follow?

"What are you doing in there?" Kataoka asked him.

"Best of all," he said, "I lose none of my speed!" He started dashing around the classroom. Floor to wall to ceiling to wall to floor to ceiling to floor... A few of us were out of their seats, trying vainly to get a bead on him, and a few were covering their heads, but I was just sitting and watching. "Go-ahead! Try-to-beat-me!" he snapped out mockingly.

Okajima waved his gun around. "This is messed up, dude!"

"What on Earth did you give him?!" Kayano shouted at Okuda.

Okuda whirled around until she spotted Korosensei as he shoved himself into a corner of the ceiling, peering out at all of us. "You tricked me!" she shouted. "That's not fair!" Fair. Heh.

Korosensei hummed in thought, and then grinned widely at her. "Fair? Verbal deception is a vital part of the successful assassin's toolkit."

Hm. So that's what he's trying to teach her. "What are you talking about, sir?" Nagisa asked him.

"Approaching the target so naively," Korosensei lectured, "is a good way to fail at your mission. Even the deadliest of poisons is useless if you can't persuade the mark to drink it." He started pouring onto the floor. "Let's see... Nick!" I raised an eyebrow. "You haven't attempted to kill me yet. If you were to poison me, how would you go about it?"

I frowned in thought. What to do, what to do... Ah. "Well, in this sort of situation, I'd ask Okuda to do it." She turned to stare at me. "Since you're making this some sort of lesson, being a teacher and all, she would walk up to you and offer the poison and you'd drink it without hesitation." All I'd have to do would be to figure out if the Anti-Korosensei material broke down in any of the common acids; if it didn't, then just lace the inside of the vial or flask with the material. When he drank, it would get directly into his system and he couldn't run away from himself at Mach 20.

Regardless, giving him that little tidbit wouldn't hurt; he's already teaching Okuda, so that avenue was already closed to me. Though, I'd like to test out progressively smaller quantities of Anti-Korosensei material, just to see how small it could be before it stopped being effective. Come to think of it, what _would_ happen if he drank it? Would it stop eating through his system eventually, or would it just rip through everything without pausing? Ah well. I wasn't willing to expose myself, so it was all conjecture.

"A wonderful answer, but not quite what I'm looking for," Korosensei told me. I shrugged with a placid smile, and caught Karma staring at me thoughtfully. "Nagisa? How would you do it?"

"Huh? Well, lemme think..." Nagisa blinked. "I'd probably put it in something you liked. Then, I guess I would offer it to you as a gift."

Korosensei smiled at us. "Both excellent answers. You see, to deceive someone you have to get inside their heads. Know what they respond to. _Use language creatively!_ " He slithered back into his robes and popped up, his color back to normal. "In poisoning," he continued, his voice slowly returning to normal as he stood up, "as in life, the key to success is communication."

Okuda gasped. "Imagine," Korosensei said, finally back to his normal yellow gelatinous self, "that one day you make an Earth-shattering scientific discovery."

"Like how to make a copy of you?" I muttered. Earth-shattering, only literal.

"How can it benefit mankind if it stays locked inside your head?" Korosensei asked her. "Knowing the right thing to say can make all the difference. Right?"

Okuda nodded and smiled. "Right!" Well, looks like everything's all fine and happy again. I'm a little irritated he called me out and forced me to reveal a strategy, but I dumped a bad one, so fair is fair. "Thank you, sir!"

Beside me, Karma started laughing. When the others turned to look at him, he grinned. "Nice move, Teach. Turn the tables, huh? No kidding."

At least this confirms something - even a student trying their level best to poison the bastard with every kind of poison known to man and apparently a few known to octopus is still just a student to him. He's still far beyond our ability to reach just yet. But I'm getting there, slowly and surely.

Soon. I just need to find a decisive weakness and I'll begin my movements. We were in the early stages of the game, still, and I was moving my pawns around, testing different strategies and probes. Soon, though, once I know where the hole in his defenses is, I'll be able to start developing my pieces.

...I'm still pretty bad at chess... One of these days, I'm going to learn how to play that game.

* * *

It's kinda nice, being up on the mountaintop. I get exercise every morning and evening, I don't have to be surrounded by more than my class's worth of mouth-breathers - and to be fair, there's only four or five of those in E Class, despite its reputation - and it's usually more peaceful up here in the woods than down in the concrete jungle of the main campus. On the other hand, it does mean that I have to make regular trips to the main campus's library in order to get reading material, though I usually took care of that later in the day after classes let out and I was walking down anyway, and it also means that anytime we have to make a trip down to the main campus during the day it's pretty much a universal constant that the trip is going to blow.

Hence my typical sigh of disdain as we all trudged down the mountain for the monthly school-wide assembly.

"AAAGH! THIS SUCKS!" I think I hear Okano's voice from down the mountain a little way; she was walking with Isogai and Maehara, I think. "Somebody explain to me why we're the only students at school who have to _put up with this crap_!"

I sighed again. "Because we're the idiots who can't hack it down there," I grumbled to Nagisa and Kayano. This trip was interfering with my usual schedule and I was maybe a tiny bit cranky from being tired and having to walk _down_ the trail just after walking _up_ it to get to class in the first place.

Sugino grumbled under his breath. "We're not _all_ idiots..." I gave him an arch look. "Just because I got transferred because my grades fell..." I kept staring. "And Nagisa..." I. Kept. Staring. "...And Kayano never studies... Okay, maybe you have a point."

I grinned slightly and cracked my neck. I didn't really have a problem with my grades; partially because I had already learned all this stuff once and partially because I always did well in school. I rarely studied, and I don't understand how people had problems.

About partway down the mountain, we took a break; panting, the others collapsed. "Ugh... Can we be done with the rocks and the bees and the things trying to kill us, please?" Kayano gasped. I was bent over to catch my breath, but I kept moving.

"I'm glad Okajima was around to take the brunt of it for us," Sugino gasped.

I just grinned as I caught my wind and straightened up, standing next to Kanzaki. She was one of the quieter kids in class, but that just meant I didn't really know her all that well. A rustling underfoot caught my attention and I looked over to see Karasuma approaching us. "Hey," he greeted. "Anyone hurt?"

"I think we're mostly okay," Nagisa answered him.

"Good. No rush." He glanced at his watch. "In fact, at this rate we're making fairly excellent time."

"Wait for me!"

My grin widened at the exhausted voice calling down from the top of the mountain. "Ugh! Way to ditch me, jerks!" Professor Bitch yelled as she raced down the mountain to catch up to us.

Kayano beamed. "Hey, Professor Bitch!"

When Professor Bitch only fell to her knees and tried vainly to catch her breath, I pouted. "Oh come on, why does she not care when _you_ call her Professor Bitch?" I whined.

"Because I'm adorable!" Kayano grinned at me. I just rolled my eyes. "And because you're a jerk." I'd protest, but it's true.

"No one said anything about a class trip during lunch," Professor Bitch panted.

Sugino tilted his head and grinned apologetically. "Yeah, no offense Professor," he said, "but you look wrecked."

Professor Bitch lifted her head and glared daggers at him. "You try running through nature in _heels!_ " she growled.

"We were smart enough to wear appropriate footwear," I told her plainly. Her response wasn't even words; it was more just an outraged shriek.

"Mr. Karasuma?" Nagisa asked our other teacher. "Where's Korosensei?"

"We told him to wait back at the old campus for security reasons," Karasuma answered. "It wouldn't do for the other students to see." Made sense. "Well," he continued, glancing at Professor Bitch, "the main campus isn't much further away. Are you ready?"

"Yeah..." we all chorused dully.

In the end, we all managed to make it down in one piece. Minus Okajima, of course, but that's because all of his bad karma - hee - finally caught up to him. All of the E Class students were panting, trying to catch their breath, or just flat-out on the ground. Some were leaning against each other, and others were just sprawled out. I was probably in the best shape, but that's because I made this up-and-down trip multiple times a day, above the number that the rest of the kids made.

"That... sincerely... sucked," Okajima groaned out. Several snakes were still wrapped around him, hissing. I wandered over and grabbed one, careful to keep my hand on the back of its head so it couldn't bite me. It hissed at me, but I just grinned. I like snakes, they're cool. After killing one made of giant fuck-off spikes, something like this just didn't rate.

Isogai, ever the master of looking on the bright side, said, "Well, at least we're not late!"

"No idea how that happened," Maehara replied. A few of the others were nearby; Yada was doubled over, catching her breath, and Okano seemed a little limp.

"Hurry up, people!" Isogai called. "We've gotta get in line before we start!"

If we were late, we'd have to do punishment detail - the last time it happened, we'd had to clean out the flower gardens on the main campus. Well, I say 'we' but I mean 'the people that actually follow orders', which excluded me, Karma, and anyone else that felt like supervising that day. "Okay," the class chorused as they all dragged themselves to their feet.

We stood in line patiently waiting for the other classes to arrive. I'm beginning to think that Karma has the right idea, skipping class and damn the consequences. I'm bored, bored, bored, _so_ bored.

"Heeeey! Nagisa!" a taunting voice rang out. Oh boy! Something to make me less bored.

Nagisa looked over, and I followed the sound of the voice to see Lizard and Fatso leering at E Class. They were old classmates of his, weren't they? "Look at you," Lizard sneered. "Wow, look at you guys! I'm surprised you made it! Must have been a hell of a trek rolling down the mountain!" He and Fatso laughed at their own joke, and I sighed. They're not gonna make me less bored...

This stupid assembly happened once a month, and every time E Class had to put up with jeers and sneers from the idiots in the other classes. I didn't have to deal with the worst of it - the insults from the former classmates - but that was because I was transferred directly into E Class and wasn't actually a member of one of the other classes at any given time. There just wasn't anything any of us could actually do to stop the idiots from pointing fingers and laughing - short of breaking fingers, and I get the feeling that the faculty would fall on me like a ton of bricks if I did anything to raise a hand against one of their precious non-E Class students. I glanced at them, studiously ignoring the harassment, and rolled my eyes.

I didn't give enough of a shit to listen to the speech the idiotic bastard up front was spouting. He was just some hand puppet for whoever was truly pulling the strings, anyway. Something about cream of the crop, proud to be the dean, whatever. He was a mouthpiece, plain and simple. Then he glanced our way, a smug look on his face, and made the obligatory E Class insult to the raucous laughter from everyone else in the other classes. The laughter kept going on and on, and I started snarling under my breath.

Can this be over yet?

Maybe I should just leave... I showed up, right? That's all that was asked of us. If there's anything important covered, I can just ask Nagisa about it later. Just gonna slip out the back while everyone is listening to the next speaker...

"And where do you think you're going?"

I winced but didn't show it as I turned to grin innocently at Karasuma. "Bathroom?" I tried.

He didn't buy it. "I don't think so. Back in line."

I sighed. "Yes, sir."

As I took my place in line again, I heard whispers from the other classes. "Who's that? Never seen him before!"

"He looks way too cool to be a teacher!"

I threw my head back and exhaled. Can we be done? Please? They're not even speaking, they're just getting the student council members in line.

"Wow, you too?" I looked over at the girl's line, where Kurahashi was turned around to talk to Nakamura. She was holding her knife sheath in her hand - it was decorated and sparkling.

"Yeah!" I was treated to one of Karasuma's rare moments of actually expressing emotion as he blanched at the sight of the girls' knife sheathes out in the open. "Hey! Check it, Mr. K!" Nakamura called.

"We decorated the thing we keep our knives in!" Kurahashi said, as both girls showed him.

Nakamura grinned. "So stylish."

"They're totes adorable, yes," Karasuma hissed at them, crossing the distance admirably quickly. I made a mental note to thank the two later; because of them I got to hear Karasuma say 'totes adorable', and I didn't know that was something I wanted in my life but it _totally_ was. "Now put them away! We're supposed to keep this on the DL. The other students _can't know_."

"Oh, sorry," the girls chorused sheepishly.

I heard more mutterings. "I think he's the new E Class teacher!"

"Looks like he's big on the hands on approach," one girl said.

"No fair," another muttered. "Why can't the regular teachers be that hot? I mean seriously, is there some kind of rule?"

Then I heard gasps and I glanced behind me. Of course... Professor Bitch walks into a room and everyone's thought processes turn to 'How can I bang this one?' I mean, sure she was impressive, given that we walked past her about five minutes ago as she lay on the pavement in a crumpled heap, but for fuck's sake. "Whoa! Who's the boobalicious foreign-lookin' chick?" one kid asked, and I smacked my forehead. For _fuck's_ sake.

"Five minutes ago, she was down on all fours," Sugino said. "But damn, look at her work it!"

I grinned absently as I remembered her pitiful cry for us to slow down.

"Quick recovery, huh?" Nagisa mentioned.

She took a spot next to Karasuma and just stood there, apparently used to owning a room as she walked in. I shot her a pitiful glance as she looked over the E Class line and nodded towards the exit. She shook her head, and I growled. Damn, foiled again.

She and Karasuma were having a quiet conversation over by the sidelines, but I couldn't manage to catch what they were saying. Then suddenly she blinked and strutted over to our line. "Nagisa," she said, laying a familiar hand on his shoulder, "the octopus isn't around. Talk to me." She leaned in. "Give me some intel," she whispered, "you're still keeping a record of the ooey-gooey bastard's vulnerable points, right? Let Teacher peek at your notebook, and I'll make it worth your while."

Nagisa blinked. "Uh... I, uh... haven't added anything to it since the last time you looked."

"Please, sweetheart, both of us know that you're keeping the good stuff all to your lonesome."

Nagisa seemed a little worried. "Actually, I've shared everything I -"

"Oh, come on now, kid!" Professor Bitch wrapped her hands around his head and drew him down into her bosom. "Dish! Or I'll smother you!"

I snickered at the look of abject fury Kayano was giving the two of them. "Stop it, Professor Bitch!" Nagisa yelped, and I idly wondered who would lose first. Kayano, Nagisa, or Professor Bitch? Place your bets now. "I can't breathe through your enormous tatas!"

...Okay, that's one way of phrasing that. Sure.

Karasuma was glaring as he walked over and grabbed Professor Bitch by the scruff of her collar, dragging her off. "We were having a conversation!" she yelped, flailing. I think I heard some whiners in the audience, complaining that we weren't supposed to get any special compensation or perks or whatever, but fuck those guys, they don't have to deal with this shit.

"Okay," the student council whatever said, and I glanced at him. "All the upcoming student council events are detailed in the handouts you've just been given." What handouts? I didn't get any - oh. Yet _another_ power play. Honestly, this is getting ridiculous...

"Um, excuse me, sir?" Isogai called out. "E Class didn't get the handouts."

"Oh. Wow, really?" If there was any doubt, the attempted innocence in the student council idiot's voice eliminated it. This was planned. "That's kinda bizarre. Huh. I'm so sorry," he apologized, giving us a smugly superior look. "I thought for sure we printed enough for everyone. Guess E Class will just have to memorize it off their neighbors!"

As another round of raucous laughter rang out through the gym, I cracked my knuckles. I'm good at memorizing. "That works out for the best, really," the smug idiot continued. "I mean, you people could use the mental exercise, I'm guessing."

I was gonna tap one of the D Class students on the shoulder and... liberate one of their copies of the handout when a very familiar gust of wind blew past us. When I looked down, a copy of the printout was in my hands, and I grinned nastily. Serves that little prick right.

"There you go, Isogai," Korosensei's voice said, and I looked for the source. Our teacher was standing next to Karasuma, idly spinning a pencil in one hand. Did he hand-write the printout? I checked. So he did.

"Seriously?" Karasuma growled.

"That should take care of it, I think," Korosensei continued. "All of you should have a copy of the handout now, correct?"

Isogai nodded. "Yes sir." He looked up at the speaker. "Never mind, we have some. My mistake, sorry."

"You what?" the speaker yelped, and I snickered. Looks like he's not good enough at this game to hide his surprise when a plan failed. "But... I... How did you... Okay, who's the wise guy? Who killed our fun?"

Idiot. Never admit to it.

"I- I mean..." He coughed and cleared his throat. "A-as I was saying before... uh... if you'll take a closer look at the event schedule, you'll notice we have quite a few things..."

Well, now that the little tiny brief moment of entertainment is over, back to eavesdropping on the other classes getting their shit wrecked by the new and improved E Class. I looked over at Karasuma and Korosensei - the octopus was wiggling his tentacles up and down, and I'm amazed nobody has said anything yet. _How?_ It's a bad wig and a fake nose!

"Looks like someone got a little lonely," Nagisa grinned.

"Can't say I blame the guy," Sugino said.

"Hey..." one student in D Class said. "Was that teacher standing there a second ago?"

"I dunno! But what's with him being all big and, like... wriggly?"

I watched as Professor Bitch sidled over and drew a knife - she tried stabbing and slashing him, but no dice. "Yeah. And what's with the hottie trying to stab him?" another student asked.

"Is that a thing? Can she do that?"

Karasuma walked over and got her in an arm lock, walking her away. Professor Bitch was shouting something about being able to get him, but Karasuma was having none of it. "The other one's got her in some kind of hold!"

"That class is crazy."

I couldn't help but grin as the rest of E Class laughed at Professor Bitch's shenanigans. "Oh well," Maehara grinned. "I'll say this much for her, she never quits."

Eventually the assembly was over and we were set loose to head back up the mountain. Thankfully, the time went by a little faster - Korosensei was kind enough to include a logic puzzle on my handout, and I busied myself with trying to solve it in my head without writing anything down. Surprisingly difficult.

I noticed Nagisa stopping by a vending machine to get a drink while the rest of E Class walked up towards the mountain. As for me, I was just wandering around, trying to decide if I had enough time to swing by the library and grab another book before heading up. If I hurried, I could probably make it. Let's see... I dug out a coin and flipped it. Heads I go to the library, tails I take my time heading back up.

The coin glittered in the air as it fell and I snatched it out of the air, checking the face. Heads - library it is, then.

"Hey! You! E Class kid!"

"Huuuuuuh?" I looked up to see a small group of four or five kids approaching me. I blinked and they spread out, coming to circle me. My hackles raised. "Can I help you?" I asked calmly. "Or did you just want to try to belittle me more? If it's the second one, please, don't waste your breath."

The ringleader - some dweeb with glasses - sneered at me. "You think you're all high and mighty, don't you? News flash, loser - E Class is where the rejects go."

I raised an eyebrow. "Out of curiosity, what class are you fine folks in?" I'm pretty sure they could hear the sarcasm in my voice, given that they all bristled at my tone.

"We're in C Class, and that means we're better than you," one of the girls boasted. I'm pretty sure almost every single girl in E Class was prettier than she was, but on the other hand I'm not a qualified judge for fairly obvious reasons.

"Oh." They were only C Class? Man... and here I thought they might actually be interesting. "Well, in that case, it's only a ninety-nine point... mm, two five percent chance that I'm getting better grades than you. So, since grades are what matter in this place, mind getting out of my way? You're burning daylight."

The bullies scowled at me. "You're E Class, idiot, you're the bottom of the heap! You can't talk to us this way!" Crap, at this rate, I wouldn't be able to get to -

"You want me to kill your ass?!" someone behind me shouted.

The sudden surge of bloodlust sent an electric spark down my spine and I whirled, trying to find out where it was coming from. Holy _shit_ who is that? I looked back and forth and finally saw Nagisa slammed against the vending machine by Lizard and Fatso. I looked, and the world tilted to the side in a disorienting bend that left me reeling. The look on his face was downright chilling - his face was shadowed and his eyes were almost glowing a pale blue. Where the fuck did that come from? _Nagisa_ was the one giving off that bloodlust? What the fuck?

"Hey!" One of the C Class guys reached for -

I don't actually remember what happened next. All I knew was that one second my hackles were raised because of the bloodlust pouring off of Nagisa - how the fuck did he go from zero to murder in no time at all? - and then the next second one of the C Class kids was on the ground, keening in high-pitched pain and clutching at himself. I blinked and looked at my knee, still raised from where I slammed it into his treasure trove. "Oh. Whoops?" I offered. "In my defense, you were the idiots that started it."

I only dimly registered the five or six dorks running off. I was too busy staring at Nagisa as he calmly walked past Fatso and Lizard. The two D Class losers looked pale. "Oh, hey Nick," Nagisa greeted me cordially, as though whatever the fuck happened back there hadn't, well, happened. "Are you okay? You look shaken."

Nothing. Nada. Zip, zilch, zero. There was _no_ sign of whatever he pulled out of the bag. "No..." I said slowly. "I'm fine." I gave him a once-over, then shook myself. I know I didn't imagine it, but it's better this way. For now, at least. "Just had to deal with a bully problem the Karma way."

Nagisa winced. "I hope you didn't hurt them too badly..."

"Just enough to teach them not to mess with me, I hope," I sighed. "But it's bullies. They're either going to back off or escalate." I smiled lazily. "I hope they escalate. I'm very good at escalation, and my threshold is higher than theirs ever will be."

I caught Karasuma and Korosensei watching the two of us, and I winced before turning and walking beside Nagisa. I'm pretty sure my reaction didn't involve any bloodlust... If it did, I'm gonna have to restructure my plans a little bit. Korosensei isn't intended to know what I can do just yet.

I might have to talk to Karasuma. I'm pretty sure he saw what happened, given the look of anger on his face, but it'll still be useful to get my story in before the bullies decide on their plan of action. Still, what did they expect when they tried me?

I guess they just didn't expect their target to be a viper.

* * *

 **What's this? Is Nick being surprised by someone he's written off as not a threat? Hm. Where have I seen that before?**

 **Either way, he's going to be paying relatively close attention to Nagisa for a while. When something like that happens, he's not going to let it just slide and think it was a trick of his senses. He knows what he felt, and he knows what it meant. Sure he kneed some dude in the junk, but that was an unavoidable casualty of war. They knew what they were getting into when they attempted to harass them. (Or maybe they didn't and the FALCON KNEE to the groin blindsided them all.) (Please note that I condone neither bullying nor physical retribution on people attempting to bully others. All I'm saying is those who attempt to throw their weight around should be prepared when someone from a higher weight class steps in.)**

 **As for the first half of this chapter, for those wondering, Okuda's big thing Korosensei dealt with was that she didn't like words in the slightest. She claimed she wasn't great with interpreting things, or the different meanings. She likes science and math because there's just one right answer, and no dealing with people misunderstanding what she meant or misinterpreting her words. Korosensei then taught her the value of using words to explain her science. Nick didn't care enough, and he's not gonna somehow manage to eavesdrop on their conversation when he had better things to do. (Also yes, he threw the 'Knife to the face - punch to the chest' fakeout again, but that's one of his favorite techniques. Yes, he does have favorite techniques – almost all fighters do. They're the attacks/combos that they drill and use a lot. Nick has fewer than most, since he's aware of patterns being read, but it's simple fighting nature to get habits. Using Sword Skills doesn't help.) (also apropos of nothing i really like the weird contrast with "'Professor Bitch,' I greeted her politely.")**

 **By the way, in case anyone's wondering, aqua regia is a mixture of nitric and hydrochloric acid, named that way because it can dissolve gold - the metal of kings. And it's a liquid. Hence aqua regia.**

 **Anyway, y'all know the drill. Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

 **(hey my dudes some of y'all should poke at the tvtropes page, it's lonely. thanks to the one dude that's working on it, though, you're pretty chill)**

 **(no but seriously, tvtropes just asks for a quick signup then you can edit pages, so maybe spend some time reading up on the tropes (oh no i've ruined everyone's life) and then help out)**

* * *

"SURPRISE!"

 _HEY! Is that KUNUDON?!_

"Hello!" shouted a cheerful acorn with arms and legs as it bounced in front of the cheery cartoon background. "It's me, Kunudon!"

 _Hooray!_

"Today, we're going to talk about underachievers! Here, we like to give them a special place all on their own! A place called E Class where they won't bother the rest of the good boys and girls!"

 _Wow! What a great idea!_

"Now, we don't normally like it when E Class students set foot on the main campus. But we do make exceptions for school assemblies when we invite them to take a stroll down the mountain on their lunch break!"

...

"Ah!" shouted Okajima as he, Mimura, and Chiba tried to cross. "The stupid bridge is out!"

"No way!" Mimura shouted. "Who's the genius who told us this was a shortcut?!"

Mimura pulled Chiba out of the water, but Okajima was swept away downstream. "Okajima!" Mimura shouted.

...

"Discipline is key!" Kunudon shouted before leaning in so that only his cheerful smile and beady eyes could be seen. "Especially for E Class slobs! And nothing instills discipline like lining up in the gymnasium for special assemblies, kids!"

 _Discipline!_

...

"Eeek!" Yada, Fuwa, and Hara shrieked as snakes hissed at them. "Why are there snakes?!"

"Look out, Okajima!" they shouted as Okajima ran past them, soaked and with snakes crawling all over him.

...

Kunudon slammed a wooden sword on the cartoony drawing of the finish line - the main campus. "Come on, maggots, get in gear!" he shouted, wearing a pair of sunglasses. "Give me a sir yes sir! Now!"

 _Sir yes sir! Hooray!_

...

"Ah!" Terasaka and his gang shouted. "Why are there falling boulders?!"

Okajima ran past them as a heavy boulder bounced, heavy on his heels. Snakes were still wrapped around him. "Ah, crap!" Terasaka and his gang shouted. "Look out, Okajima!"

...

"Ah!" Nagisa, Kayano, Sugino, Okuda, Sugaya, Kanzaki, and Nick shouted as swarms of bees started buzzing angrily.

"Who's big idea was it to poke the beehive?!" Sugino demanded.

"Everything is terrible!" Nick shouted.

"Look out, Okajima!" they all shouted as Okajima ran past them, the swarm of infuriated bees chasing him and only him.

As he ran down the path, the seven students stared at where he was. "He's, uh... not having a very good day, is he?" Sugino asked, a little shaken. "Hope the poor guy's alright."

"Me too," Nagisa murmured.

"I hate nature," Nick growled.

 **Hooray! It's Kunudon! (The italics are super-cheerful kid voices in a crowd) I wanted to do one of these for the first appearance of the mascot, but I had a more important omake in that chapter SO WHATEVER**


	7. Test Time

**Chapter 7: Test Time**

* * *

The bell rang, and class began like it always did.

Unlike it always did, this time Korosensei was standing in front of me, arms folded. And in front of Kayano, and Nagisa, and Karma, and every other student in the class. "Let's begin, shall we?" he said, echoed by all of his afterimages. The sound of his incredible speed was still present but wasn't overwhelming today, for some reason.

"Begin... what, exactly?" the rest of the class murmured hollowly, looking entirely non-plussed. Karma and I were just staring at our Korosensei, not reacting.

"Studying for midterms, of course!" "Dun dun dun..." "Woah! Look out!" "I'll be making this period..." " _A high-speed enhancement for study hall!_ " the Korosenseis said, determination on his... their?... faces. I'm not sure which is weirder - the way he was able to speak with individual afterimages, or how it sounded when all of them said that last line simultaneously.

The class yelped as study materials suddenly appeared on our desks, each of our Korosenseis leaning over us with individual books and assisting us with our work. "My doubles will provide special one-on-one attention, drilling everyone individually on the areas you need improvement most!" he said as the double in front of me started lecturing on social studies.

Okay, first off, in my defense this stuff was technically history, so it doesn't really affect me. Second off, given that three of my other four subjects were all but literally perfect - and the last was Japanese, so myeh - so a 95 average was still good enough.

"Man, this is balls," Terasaka grumbled. I glanced his way to see him leaning his head on his fist, but turned back to the material in front of me. "He's seriously gotta wear a different headband for each subject?" Then a sudden whoosh made me look over again as Terasaka snapped, "Give me a break, man! Naruto's not even on the test!"

The painted whiskers on that Korosensei's face made my heart clench. Kana...

I closed my eyes and picked up my pencil from where it had dropped from my suddenly slack grasp. No. I can't be subsumed by grief. Not yet. I looked up at Korosensei and nodded before resuming my work.

As I worked, I was still absently noticing what was going on around me. It wasn't exactly a surprise that Karma wasn't really taking this seriously; if anything, it was a sign that Karma was almost at my level academically. The only reason I didn't take a break myself was because while I was beyond most of the material we'd be drilling for midterm exams I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting arrogant. Still, though, it was worrying, though not for the reasons I'd normally suspect.

No, seeing this was worrying because of the simple fact that he was doing it. He was getting faster, no two ways about it. The first few days of class, he'd have been limited to four or five on a good day; but now he was producing a double for each of us. I counted headbands absently - seven for Japanese, eight doubles for math, three for social studies, four each for science and English, and one for Naruto. If he keeps accelerating, then all of the models I've mentally built would be -

The right side of Korosensei's face squished inwards, bending weirdly, and I blinked at it. What. "Knife down, Karma!" the Korosenseis scolded, raising one tentacle irately. I glanced over at the redhead, and he just stuck his tongue out at me impishly. "No sneak attacks during study hall! This is very difficult, so try not to disrupt my concentration!"

This was difficult? "Doesn't all this spread you a little bit thin, sir?" Nagisa asked. "I, uh... I mean, just thinking about it makes _me_ feel tired."

Well, on the other hand, Nagisa, you're not a super creature. "No worries there," Korosensei reassured him. "I have a double outside on R&R duty." I blinked and looked outside, and sure enough, there was a Korosensei lounging on a pool chair sipping a cup of coffee.

I opened my mouth to point out just how bizarre that was, and how it actively defeated the point of relaxing, but then just shook my head after a few seconds and closed my mouth. I'm not going down that rabbit hole. I've gone down it before, but I'm learning. "How does that help?!" Nagisa asked. Clearly, the blue-haired kid hasn't gone down the rabbit hole enough.

But regardless of rabbits, holes, and whatever else, Korosensei is leveling up faster than we can. Why? Is it in preparation to blow up the Earth? That shouldn't trigger until several months from now... I might be an assassin, and he might be my target, but there was no way I could kill a boss monster this strong. He was too tricky. "There," Korosensei said to me. "Are you understanding the material now?"

"I am, sir," I said absently. It was just a matter of memorizing names, dates, and everything. Just more memorization. "I think I just missed a little bit of the class we went over this. Probably was a morning one and I was sleepy."

Despite being a tricky target, he's probably the best damn teacher I've ever had. It wasn't even a question, really. The material he was showing me would normally have taken me several days to memorize, but I already knew everything right now.

Before long, the classes were done for the day, and I sat back and stretched. "Well, that was enlightening," I sighed. "I wonder if I have enough time to find Karasuma and ask for some pointers."

Then I shook my head. "Stop talking to yourself, Nick," I scolded myself and grinned slightly at the irony. It was a bad habit, I guess, but it helped me figure out my thoughts to verbalize them. It made math a breeze, too, if I just kept up a running commentary of what I was doing. I'm not sure why it helped, exactly, but whatever the reason it worked.

As I exited the empty classroom - everyone else had vacated the premises before I left, except Nagisa and Kayano. Those two were on cleaning duty, so sucks to be them. I gave Nagisa a small wave and headed off towards the faculty lounge. I'd like him to go over my technique just to make sure I wasn't screwing anything up and practicing it wrong; fast follows form, to spin a corny phrase that may or may not be grammatically correct. If I had my form perfect, it would naturally increase my speed just from lack of wasted movement.

"Consider this deceptively simple cube."

I stopped just outside the door and blinked. I don't know that voice. Should I know that voice? "If I wish to align the colors," the deep voice continued, accompanied by a series of clicks, "quickly and intuitively, what might be the best way to go about it?"

If I had to guess, Deep Throat in there is talking about one of those Rubik's Cubes. Those things have patterns, right? Like, no matter what your configuration looks like, all you have to do is follow a set series of moves until the configuration changes to one you've previously memorized the solution for. It might not be quick or intuitive at the beginning, but put enough effort in and it would become so.

"Any ideas?"

"Hello, Nick." I will deny that I jumped at the sudden voice behind me.

"Korosensei, sir," I said, turning to face the grinning octopus. "Good afternoon."

"Waiting for me?" he asked.

"Karasuma, actually," I said with an easy grin. "I wanted to ask him to make sure I wasn't making any mistakes. But there's someone in there right now, so I was going to wait until they were done."

The octopus nodded to me and slid the door open. "Is there now?" he said.

"The answer?" Deep Throat said, and I peeked through the open door to see a man sitting at the desk, dressed in a classy maroon suit with a leaf-shaped tie pin. Like, I'm pretty sure his suit cost more than this entire building. Everything about him screamed sharpness - I couldn't find a single strand of hair out of place, or a single button undone. He was holding a Rubik's Cube in one hand and a screwdriver in the other. As I watched, he used the screwdriver to pry the puzzle cube apart and scattered the pieces. "Pry them apart and reassemble."

Yeah, well, okay, I _guess_ that works. It circumvents the need for the puzzle in the first place. Which kinda sucks, since I like puzzles, but I can't deny that cutting the Gordian Knot is a time-tested solution to many of life's problems: untying a knot, solving a puzzle cube, bullies... Just bull straight through the problem with a sharp blade and brute force.

But there was something in Deep Throat's eyes that made me wary of the man. He was like Karma, I think - they didn't reflect enough light. "It's as easy as that."

Then he seemed to look over and notice the massive octopus standing there. "Why, Korosensei!" he said with an easy smile. It looked flawless and _incredibly_ practiced. "It's an honor."

"Uehh?" Korosensei noised, sliding the door shut behind him. I reached out and caught the door with one hand, keeping it from shutting all the way, if only so I could listen a little more easily.

"Apparently," Professor Bitch said, and I could hear the skepticism in her voice, "this gentleman is supposed to be the principal here."

Hm. I guess it might be true.

"Believe me, he is," Karasuma said. "Which also makes him our boss."

"GYAHHH!" Korosensei yelped before dashing away in a blast of air. "So good of you to come all this way, sir!"

"Nick?" I looked over from watching Korosensei dash around, trying his best to make sure every whim of the principal's was met and anticipated, to see Nagisa carrying his bag. "What's up?"

"Bigwig from the main campus," I told him. "Looks like Korosensei's boss."

"Any chance we could discuss a teensy-little heightened salary? If I'm not being too forward, of course."

Nagisa and I looked at each other and then sighed in unison.

Korosensei Weakness Number Six: He sucks up to his superiors.

"I've added a few extra versions of myself to help with the workload, and -"

"Forgive me for not visiting sooner," the principal said, cutting through Korosensei's babble effortlessly. "I meant to pay my respects before now, but one gets sidetracked." Nagisa nudged me and I crouched down, letting him watch over me as the principal stood up. "Mr. Karasuma and the Ministry of Defense have painted quite the vivid picture of you! Yes, vivid indeed. Though I don't pretend to understand the situation in every particular..."

The way they were framed, the principal and Korosensei against the bright backdrop of the blue sky, cast them both in shadow, and I got a very familiar feeling. This principal was bad news. "Nor do I feel especially qualified to comment. However, I will say this if I may be so bold," the principal continued. "You seem to be torn between embracing the role of savior or the villain."

Savior? Villain? Interesting.

"But no matter," the principal said, bowing his head slightly. "Such things aren't for men such as myself to resolve. I'm hardly in a position to save the world. That job I must leave to hands more capable." What on Earth is this person babbling about? Save the world? Korosensei was going to blow it up, not save it - unless that was a radical new form of saving it that I hadn't come across before, of course.

Come to think of it, we might need a planet-sized reset button in our near future...

"So, barring harm to my school," the principal said, turning and walking towards the door, "your assassins may deal with you as they will." I slid over and tugged on Nagisa's shoulder, pulling him to the side so that we could move away as soon as the principal reached for the door. "I've been given plenty of incentive to turn a blind eye," he said to Karasuma in a faux-conspiratorial tone. Ah, well, that explains it, at least. They're throwing money at the problem to make it less of a problem if not eliminate it entirely.

Reminds me of when Sakuya and Alicia Rue were trying to hire me to do a job for them. 'This seems somewhat difficult. I don't know...' I'd told them, only for Alicia Rue to immediately offer me more.

'A bonus of ten thousand Yrd and free food in any of the Cait Sith territories for a month.'

I'd snapped my fingers. 'I'm on it.'

'The same goes for our side as well,' Sakuya added.

Well shit, I'm not turning down extra money after I've been bought. 'This is extremely not a problem.'

"Thank you for your cooperation," Karasuma said, breaking me out of my daydream.

"That's a very reasonable attitude, principal," Professor Bitch said. "I find that quite... attractive, in a man."

Of course, there's such a thing as trying _too_ hard.

"You flatter me, madam," the principal said with a hand pressed to his chest in a courtly display of gently rejecting advances. Damn, but he's smooth. "That said..." He turned from them and approached Korosensei again. "While I'm happy to give you carte blanche to do what's necessary..." No, wait, not Korosensei. He's going to the window. "I must think of the future should the Earth survive. In other words," he said, taking a seat on the windowsill, "what becomes of my school if Korosensei is assassinated?"

"Not to put too fine a point on it," he said, and I narrowed my eyes. If I'd thought the lighting was bad before... Now, he's just a silhouette. "E Class must continue to serve its function in the grand scheme of things."

There was a brief moment of silence. "Interesting," Korosensei said finally. "So rock-bottom grades and students with zero prospects serve a _function_ , do they?" Oop. Korosensei's a little pissed off.

"Oh, yes," the principal said blithely. "Are you familiar with the so-called 'Worker Ant' theory?" I glanced at Nagisa, but he'd never heard of it either. "It tells us that in any group twenty percent will work hard, twenty percent will be idle, and the remaining sixty percent will fall somewhere in between. Now," he said, and I was struck by how _red_ his eyes looked, in this light. "Imagine a group without the middle ground, where hard workers comprise ninety-five percent of the population, and layabouts only five. If the lazy worker ants are stigmatized, the ratio is perfectly feasible. Those who under normal circumstances fall under the 'average' category better themselves, to avoid being associated with the ostracized class."

"Very logical," Korosensei said. "And, of course, unless the five percent is kept down, the incentive for the other ninety-five disappears." I grinned to myself. Fuck the status quo.

"Just today, I received two alarming complaints, one from a D Class teacher and one from a C Class teacher. It seems," he said, "a student of yours glared threateningly at two upper classmen." I stared at Nagisa, and he blinked back at me. The way the principal was telling it, those poor little D Class students _hadn't_ been picking a fight with Nagisa, and the blue-haired kid had snarled at them for no good reason at all. Hells, I could almost see the imagery - two poor, sobbing (and of course attractive) D Class kids while a (naturally hideous) Nagisa sneered, looming over them with pointed teeth and a long tongue. "Such that the upper classmen feared for their lives."

Well, yeah, okay, that part is true. Hells, _I_ reacted to it and I wasn't the target of the bloodlust. Granted, that'd probably be because I was more sensitive to these sorts of things, but still.

I glanced at Nagisa and he had the most dumbfounded look on his face.

"And according to the other report, another student engaged in physical violence unprovoked, injuring one upper classman to the point of needing to visit the nurse."

Oops. Eh, whatever, he'd earned it. Trying to do… whatever he was trying to do… when Nagisa flipped out like that, it was like the C Class student held up a bright neon sign flashing 'Knee me in the groin!' over and over again.

"I have no doubt the confidence to do so stems from their attempts to assassinate you." In Nagisa's case, sure. That's right. But I was a monster through and through - had been even before setting foot in this classroom. "And perhaps that's to be expected. The issue, though... Is that E Class students dared to defy their betters. Obviously, I cannot let such insolence stand." My heartbeat quickened and I licked my lips before rising up on the balls of my feet subtly. I know how this song and dance goes.

"As their teachers," the principal said, instead of pressing further, "you are expected to remind the students in question of their place." Bite me, jackass. I take shit from nobody except my family.

He stopped just in front of the door to the hallway. "Oh, and Korosensei?" He turned and whipped something glittering at the octopus. "You have one second to solve this puzzle!"

"Ueh!" Korosensei gasped as he caught it. "What?! You can't just spring this on me out of the blue!" His tentacles blurred as he worked at what I think was a small wire puzzle.

When the dust cleared exactly one second later, he'd managed to solve it - getting the large ring around his neck in the process by some strange accident. He'd also managed to twist his tentacles into knots as he writhed, flailing at the puzzle.

"Woah!" Nagisa whispered, looking incredibly shocked. "What the hell is going on?" I have no clue...

Korosensei Weakness Number Seven: He gets freaked out by metal ring puzzles.

"Your speed certainly lives up to the hype," the principal observed as Korosensei... Was he biting at his tentacles? Why? "I can see why most attempts on your life would be an exercise in futility. But bear in mind, my friend," he said as Korosensei flopped onto his stomach, panting. "In the grand scheme of things, there are many problems for which speed is of no use at all."

I knew that... I knew that all too well. Speed hadn't let me outrun my failure with Kana last January, after all.

Dead silence answered him - Korosensei was facedown on the floor.

"Now!" the principal said, striding to the door for the third time that conversation. "If you'll kindly excuse me..." I realized he was actually going to leave for real this time, and drew Nagisa away.

Just in time, too, because the door slid open just as we pressed ourselves against the wall. "Oh?" the principal said as he noticed the two of us standing there. Silently, Nagisa and I nodded hello as he stared at us, judging us with those flat eyes, _insulting me with his scorn and I wouldn't_ \- "Hi there!" The sudden smile was jarring. "I look forward to your midterm results. Best of luck to you."

Then without hesitation the smile was wiped off his face as he walked by us, not giving us a second glance. Those words were practiced to hell and back, and there was a better chance of a snowball surviving thirty seconds in Muspelheim than there was that the words he'd just said to the two of us were genuine in any way. "Oh, I feel so encouraged," I growled under my breath, getting a short weak laugh from Nagisa as a reward.

I looked at him, and noticed something. The way he held himself when he was talking to Korosensei, when he was planning an assassination, when he was taking notes on weaknesses? All that was gone. Right now, he was back to the way he'd been back at the start of the school year. For some reason, that really pissed me off.

Korosensei is all but invincible when viewed through the lens of an assassin. He knows all our trick before we even start to think them up, and anything anyone tries is just playing into his hands - all for the betterment of the would-be assassin, naturally. But when Korosensei is thrust into the role of being a teacher, he's not impervious. There's someone that sits even above this fantastic teacher of mine. Someone that sat above us all and twitched the puppet strings on the teachers to make them bend to his will. I could swallow being a pawn; I've done it to enough people that I had no illusions about any particular onus associated with the role.

But that principal sees me as an insect, just an E Class nobody. And I will _NEVER_ be an insect to anyone. EVER.

"Gakuhou Asano," Karasuma told me when I asked who the man was. "The principal of Kunugigaoka Junior High School. A shrewd man, who in the first decade of his tenure single-handedly hoisted this school to top-tier status."

"Why does it sound like you're reading from a brochure?" I asked him.

"Because I am." He waved the folded piece of paper in his hand.

Oh. Answers that. "Huh. Well, anyway, mind going over my technique? I mean, I'm just guessing here," I said, "but someone like you probably has a little bit of martial arts training, more than just what they give at the Ministry of Defense."

He nodded before scanning over the article again. "Basically," he told Irina, "if you teach here, there's no going against his personal vision of order. That goes for us... and for you," he told Korosensei, who hadn't moved.

Korosensei didn't say a word. But with a flex of his wriggling tentacles he shattered the metal ring holding them together.

* * *

"Good morning, everyone!" Korosensei announced the next day. It was a dark and gloomy day, and the humidity was stifling.

The inside was stifling too, because the number of Korosenseis had doubled - no, tripled since yesterday. "As you might guess, today I thought I'd make even more of me!" the Korosensei brigade announced.

Jarring, and a bit worrisome - it was getting ridiculous, since each of us had two or three individual Korosenseis. "Thinking caps on! Let's begin!" And when I say individual, I mean individual - the afterimages were getting sloppy, see-through. They were even different characters...

"It's like he's turning into a parody of himself," Mimura muttered.

"Uh, hey, Korosensei?" Kayano asked him. "No offense, but isn't this gonna wear you out?"

"Wear me out?" he repeated, beaming at her like he always did. "Pshaw!"

 _'E Class must continue to serve its function in the grand scheme of things.' A cold, impassive smile masking how he stared at us like insects._

I shook with restrained anger and gripped my pencil so hard I thought it might crack. Korosensei was willing to give us multiple Korosenseis? Well, good. That matched up with what I wanted perfectly. "That bastard," I growled. I'm going to place in the top five just to prove him wrong.

Nobody. Will _EVER_. Think of me as an insect.

When the bell finally rang, Korosensei was lying on his chair in a red-faced heap, panting and fanning himself. "Look at the poor guy!" Maehara said, hands in his pockets as we all looked on in a mix of sympathy, pity, and apathy. "He's totally down for the count!"

"I say we try our luck!" Nakamura said, brandishing a knife.

"Not that I don't appreciate it," Okajima said, "but why is he teaching us so hard anyways?"

"...Nureh-heh-heh-heh-heh..." Korosensei managed to pant out. "To get those test scores up... Why else?" His eyes gleamed. "If I do that..." He then proceeded to spin us a wonderful tale of how all of us would be overcome with happiness at our sky-high scores, running up to him and saying it was all because of him, and how we wouldn't ever try to kill him again. From there, it segued into weird - well, weirder - territory, as a trio of big-breasted high-school and college girls would come up to him and coo over how they needed help with _their_ grades too. "I'll never have to worry about you trying to kill me again!" he said, but the pink flush and wobbling smile gave lie to his words. It was all about the tatas with this guy. "It'll be sheer bliss!"

"Nakamura, just stab him," I sighed flippantly.

"I mean, the whole helping us study thing is nice and all," Mimura said to Yada.

"But... the reward money we get for assassinating is nothing to sneeze at," she replied.

Nakamura folded her arms behind her head. "Let's face it, who needs to ace a midterm when you've got that kind of cash tucked away in your bank account?"

A few of the students nodded in agreement, and Korosensei yelped, "What?! Money isn't everything, people!" Rich, coming from an octopus who was perennially poor.

"Oh, come on," Okajima pleaded. "You've gotta cut us some slack, here. We're the End Class, remember?"

"Yeah," Mimura said, "assassination we can strive for, but academics? Seriously? Why bother?"

Korosensei bowed his head, and I got the feeling that whatever those dorkuses said pissed him off but good. "I see," he said softly. "So _that's_ how it is, then."

They all blinked at him. "How what is, sir?" Mimura asked.

"Do you know what I think?" Korosensei asked darkly, rising to his full height and ignoring Mimura's question. "I don't think you appreciate what it means to be an assassin!" His face went dark purple with the cross on it as he buzzed. "Everyone! School yard! Now!"

I shrugged and put my books off to the side, pushing the assignment I'd been working on with it. I really disliked doing homework at home, so any chance I could get I did my homework in class. It made things a little easier - and besides, I had a well-stocked library in the bookshelves at home, and I could read those instead of reading textbooks. Much more enjoyable.

I very much doubt that whatever Korosensei is about to lecture us about, it really affected me all that much. I was equal in academics and assassination, so whatever had irritated him about those kids talking about how they didn't care about their studies wasn't my problem. Still, I followed them outside and leaned against the wall, standing next to Karma. Korosensei was out in the center of the field, facing away from us.

"What's his deal?" Sugino asked. "Making us all stand out here like we're a bunch of goobers."

"I dunno," Nakamura shrugged. "Maybe something we said put him in a mood."

Guys. Guys c'mon. Honestly.

"Alright, children," Korosensei called out. "Love or hate the E Class system, as a remedial process it _can_ work.

"Imagine placing within the top fifty of one hundred and eighty-six students on the midterms. Make that a reality, and securing a former teacher's permission is all an E Class student needs to return to the class from which they were ejected." My eyes widened. I see. I see what Korosensei is planning! That... That has never happened before. "But given the conditions you're forced to work under, the personal setbacks that landed each of you here are difficult to fix. That's why most E Class students are convinced that returning to the main campus is no more than a pipe dream."

I mean, to be fair, unless you were prepared for it, learning in this class would be next to impossible. A normal teacher would have no real motivation to teach, the room was intermittently hot, cold, or damp depending on the weather, and the trek up and down the mountain would drain the students of energy every day. I could see why most people would think it would be impossible to return to the main campus, especially because they were competing against the rest of the students still down there.

"Don't tell me to hurry up, I'm not a child," Professor Bitch snapped waspishly, and I looked over to see that Kataoka had retrieved our English professor.

"Korosensei told me to bring you," Kataoka said before running down the steps to join the rest of the class.

"Miss Jelovic," Korosensei said from off to the side where he was busy moving the rusty equipment on the field. "I'd like your opinion as a professional assassin."

"Alright," Irina said cautiously, "what do you want to know?"

I realized suddenly that Korosensei hadn't turned to look at us yet, and for some reason that put me on edge. "Now, let's suppose for some reason that you've been given an assignment," he said. "Do you have only one plan going into it?"

Irina blinked. "Hm? 'Course not," she said dismissively. "If my profession has taught me anything, it's that Plan A almost never comes off like you'd expect. There are just too many variables." I blinked. I've never really had a problem with my Plan A. "A good assassin has backup plans on hand for any contingencies."

"And Mr. Karasuma? What about you?" Karasuma shifted at Korosensei's question. "When teaching knife combat strategies, do you believe the first strike is the only move of any importance?"

Who would think that? That's just asking to get punched in the jaw and then stabbed. "The first move is important," Karasuma allowed, "but so's the follow-up. Never assume the first strike will hit. Because when your opponent's trained, you have to be ready to deliver the next strike with at _least_ as much precision and skill as the first. Or better yet, carry a second blade."

The kids murmured to themselves. "If you have a point, sir," Maehara said, "I think we're missing it."

Idiot. How much clearer does he have to get?

Korosensei's robes flared out as he started spinning in the center of the field. Wait, spinning? What? "Listen to your teachers, boys and girls!" he declared as a dust cloud started rising. "Backup plans are the cornerstones of confidence. And a confident assassin is a successful one. The same goes for life in general!" Makes sense; the only reason I was alive right now, I think, is because of my backup plans in the event I got stabbed by Johnny Black with at least a few second's warning.

By this point, Korosensei was whipping around so much that I could barely see him through the dust. "You strive for assassination but not academics? You've heard the old saying, right? Don't put all of your eggs in one basket!" He accelerated even further, becoming a blur. "Well, that's _exactly what you're doing here!_ "

The wind was whipping at us, and we had to shield our eyes. Some of the girls shrieked, and I winced as grits of dirt stung my cheek and arm.

"Suppose I left the classroom for good!" Korosensei shouted. "Suppose some other would-be assassin out there managed to do me in! What would you be left with? What would you strive for then? Or are you satisfied with being _outcasts?_ "

 _...masking how he stared at us like insects._

I twitched violently as every bone in my body shrieked at me to hurt something. "A word of advice from your Korosensei," our teacher growled. "You walk a fine line..." The dust rose up into a massive towering tornado reaching towards the sky. How is _that_ supposed to be subtle? "Those who can't wield a second blade... aren't qualified to be assassins!"

I think I heard an eagle shriek during the pronouncement.

The tornado raged on, making the trees bend in the gale-force winds and ripping up chunks of the grass and weeds from the field below. How is the Ministry of Defense gonna spin this? The main campus kids can't be THAT dumb, can they? Or is the stigma of E Class enough to keep them away?

Finally, the wind stopped and the grey clouds overhead started to part. As the dust settled down, we all slowly straightened up from covering ourselves. I winced at the bright sunlight - I miss my transition lenses. They made adjusting to the outside so much easier. "There!" Korosensei said, seemingly calm. "Our schoolyard needed a good leveling. Not to mention, a few weeds cleared."

The students all gasped as the dust cleared to reveal a perfectly flat dirt surface, clean of every weed that'd grown, and with chalk lines ringing the field. Even the old soccer net had been restored to its former glory. I blinked at it in shock, then narrowed my eyes. Why do this? It made no sense... "I am a superior lifeform, capable of destroying the Earth. As you can see, flattening out this little corner of it was a _cinch_." I growled softly under my breath. Message received, Korosensei. Message received. "Cast your nets wide! Show me your backup plan, that crucial second blade," he told us. "Otherwise, I'll be forced to conclude no would-be assassin here is worthy of me.

"And I won't just have a mind to leave," he threatened. "I'll flatten this entire campus as I go!" Oh, no, whatever will we do. But the poor children will suffer. Alas and alack.

"A second blade?" Nagisa asked nervously. "So how long have we got?"

I already knew the answer before Korosensei said it. "Not very," the octopus replied. "Until the end of tomorrow." The rest of class gasped, shocked, and I nodded once. "The midterms are upon us, class! I want ALL of you to place in the top 50!"

It made sense, really. If all of E Class placed in the top 50 slots and then refused to leave E Class - because who'd willingly give up a chance at this much money? - it would look to the rest of the world, and the rest of the main campus, that E Class was just as capable of getting good grades. In fact, we were getting _better_ grades than the majority of the students at the school.

Everyone else, on the other hand, exclaimed, " _What?!_ "

"Whether you realize it or not," Korosensei said, spreading his tentacles, "we've been sharpening those second blades all along. The main campus relies on dull, rote learning methods. I, to put it mildly, do not.

"You have what it takes," he pointed at us. "So wield those blades with confidence! Take your midterms by the gills, smiling! Your heads held high! Be proud. Be bold. And never forget, _you are assassins!_ " Eh, as pep talks go I've heard better. But, I was kinda shit at giving them, so I can't say anything out loud. " _You_ are _E Class!_ "

Well, here we go.

* * *

 _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

I glanced up at the front of the room, sighed, rolled my eyes, and went back to working through the questions in front of me. This was math, and I could solve these in my sleep.

However, that jackass teacher up front sneering at us was starting to irritate me. It was clear he was tapping the desk on purpose, in order to distract everyone. Let's see, how do I handle this... Other students nervous, not able to answer questions... Can I make him stop? Doubtful. I want to throw something at him, but that won't work at all, I'll just get ejected. Can I somehow cheat using tapping or other small sounds? No, not multiple choice.

Damn. I just have to let it go, then. It's ridiculous that we have to take the midterms on the main campus - the proctors are blatantly trying to fuck us over. This is just an away game for E Class.

I mean, I was still tapping along with a nice beat, but still.

I finished the answer to question three and moved on to question four. The problem swam in my mind as I scanned it - just a simple matter of breaking apart square roots into their component pieces. Problem involves multiples of three, so use that as the base...

 _Slice slice slice._

My knife flashed as the problem swam at me and bisected it neatly, splitting it apart into the chunks of equal size. The lines I needed to cut just appeared to me, tracing the path my knife had to travel to kill the monster. It was trivial, really, and I was getting bored.

Normally my mind just parses the data as numbers and spits the process needed to solve the question out at me, but this was an assassination classroom; Korosensei had somehow managed to drill into us the need to be assassins even while taking a test. Hence the way the problems presented themselves as combat.

In front of me, the rest of the class was all running away from the problem as it roared at them. I wasn't sure how exactly they were having problems with this; it was just simple arithmetic, really. Even a grade schooler could do it, if they were able to do basic multiplication. Granted, knowledge of square roots might be necessary, but everything canceled out neatly in the end. The problem basically told you where to cut and how to cut so that you got nice numbers!

"Our knife isn't nearly enough to take this thing out! How're we supposed to tackle question four?" Sugino yelped, brandishing the weapon in question. Meanwhile, I was moving on to problem five - maybe this one will be a challenge?

 _Slice slice slice._

Or not.

The Question Four sea beast roared and body-slammed the rest of E Class. Come to think of it, I couldn't see Karma among them, not that I really expected to. Still, Nagisa had answered a few of my questions on what to expect from the midterms at this school; according to him, the questions had always been beasts, and I'd expected worse from the test makers.

 _Slice slice slice._

These weren't even making me stop. I was blitzing through the questions as fast as I could read them and write the answers; my knife was a nonstop blur of killing the monsters that attacked me. If I took longer than a minute on any individual one of the questions, I was slacking. Quadratics, roots, word problems... They were nothing before me. They all died; some in one stroke that cut to their center, and some in multiple slashes that bled them dry before putting them out of their misery. Anything that came within arms' reach died to my blade.

Question eight, nine, ten… They were just chaff before my scythe.

I looked back after murdering my way through question eleven, the final question, smugly satisfied in the way it split apart with the lightest brush of my knife, and saw that the students had finally seemed to grasp the concept of taking the questions piece by piece. On the first look, it might be ugly and disgusting, full of sharp edges that kept the answer from popping out, but if taken a little bit at a time, examined fully and broken down to its simplest bits, what had been a monstrous flipper was just a fin, and what was a maw of large teeth was just a tiny little mouth. The monstrous question four was really just a small fish wiggling on a plate, ready to be de-boned and filleted.

Trivial at best.

The tempo of the classroom shifted as I leaned back, surveying the rest of the class, and I nodded. The scritch-scritch-scritch of pencils had hesitated, except for me and Karma, as the class stalled out on the question that they couldn't seem to answer, but now they were writing down answers confidently. I was treated to the pleasing sight of the asshole teacher seeming genuinely shocked that nobody was giving a shit about his tapping. He was looking back and forth, gritting his teeth, and I get the feeling he wanted to catch people cheating.

When he looked at me and sneered an ugly smirk of triumph, I bared my teeth in a smug smirk right back at him without breaking eye contact. Go on. I dare you. Accuse me of cheating. Then I can have some genuine fun.

But no, that was not to be, as the way the rest of the class was mowing through their problems without looking left or right seemed to have broken his spirit of defiance.

The Question Four beast was toppled - dead meat.

As was the next one, and the next one, and the one after that; all of them fell to E Class's honed second blade.

And then the entire class got blindsided by the final question, the one that had actually taken me thirty whole seconds to solve. I'd even needed to write down the steps taken to solve it, not just do it in my head! The shock, I know.

To be fair, though, this was material I don't remember covering in class; the only reason I knew how to solve it was because I'd already answered questions like it before. We covered that particular aspect of math my first year of high school, if I'm recalling my classes right.

The rest of the class wasn't so lucky - they were ambushed by the massive Question Eleven colossus, attacked from the rear, and they were eaten alive.

 _Insects. A smug smile._

I snarled under my breath and tensed up. The snap of my pencil point answered me as I pressed it against the desk too hard, and I swore softly before digging out my backup pencil. Fuck this school in general. Fuck the principal in particular.

* * *

As I passed by the teacher's lounge on my way to get a drink of water, I managed to overhear Karasuma trying to complain to one of the teachers about the way the test was written; he was on the phone with someone, probably from the main campus, when I peeked in out of curiosity. "Not to rock the boat, but this is ridiculous," he was saying. "You have to help me out here. No matter how I look at it, this test seems rigged."

I didn't hear what the guy on the other line said, but the way Karasuma's face creased in anger and disgust I'm willing to bet it was something along the line of, 'Oh, sorry, we sent out a notification that we were fucking over E Class on the Principal's orders, didn't you get the memo? And fuck you if you think you're gonna get an appeal, so don't come crying to us.'

"The communications flat wasn't on our end, buddy," Karasuma said, somehow sounding both incredibly calm and grimly murderous at the same time. "And besides, what constitutes proper notification? Two days before midterms, and you decide to broaden the scope? That's supposed to give us enough time to cover everything?" The mood of the teacher's lounge was gloomy; Professor Bitch was just staring at nothing, resting her chin on her hand, and Korosensei was just staring at a wall.

Again, and I'm guessing here since I couldn't hear the guy on Karasuma's phone, the response was basically, 'Hey, fuck you, pal. E Class was getting uppity and we decided that something like that was no good, so we went behind your back to make sure you losers know your place.'

"Unbelievable," Karasuma growled once he hung up the phone. "Is there nothing that man won't resort to in the name of his own ideals?" Ah, so I was right - Principal Asano was behind all of this. It didn't surprise me.

We got our test scores passed back that afternoon, and they were approximately what I expected. The rest of the class seemed gloomy; I think they were excited when they realized they knew how to solve the problems that weren't added to the end, and seeing their grades just kinda... banked their fires. Nagisa got a 315 out of 500, placing 105th out of 186 students. Isogai, one of the better students, only placed 68th with a total score of 367.

I glanced at Karma, but I couldn't read his poker face as he stared at his grade sheet. He glanced over at me, and I just shrugged.

Still, this put us in a tight spot. Korosensei had declared that he would leave if we all didn't place in the top 50 - in other words, if we failed to prove his education model was more effective than Principal Asano's - and there was no way we were anywhere close to that. If he left, then it was game over in a bad way... Did I stumble onto a non-standard Game Over condition? Those shouldn't exist...

After everyone had finished staring at their papers, they sat there silently and waited for the other shoe to drop. Korosensei was just standing up at the lecture podium, staring at the blackboard and not saying a word. The tension was thick, and I had no idea how to go about breaking it.

"I take full responsibility," Korosensei said quietly, and the weight of his slow words hit me. "Clearly, I underestimated the school's dedication to the status quo." Inertia, the (bullshit, since I'm making this up as I go along) sociological phenomenon in which people on top tend to like staying on top, and people on bottom can go fuck off and die no matter what they do. People without power can't change things, and people with power don't want to. You don't try to change a system that's working in your favor. "Forgive me if I can't bear to face you."

There was a beat.

"Hyeah!" A knife flew towards the blackboard, and Korosensei just barely dodged it in time; he didn't even use his super speed, it was just a regular sidestep. The knife clattered to the ground, and Korosensei stared at it. "Have it your way," Karma taunted, walking up to the front slowly with the test papers in his hand. "Keep your back turned. Just makes it easier for us to sneak up on you."

Korosensei stared at him for a second, then went bright red. "I am in no mood, Karma!" he exclaimed, raising a tentacle and wiggling it in the air. "This whole situation has me very..."

He trailed off and went back to yellow as Karma tossed his test papers on the desk. "So they added a few questions to the stupid test," Karma said easily. "Big deal." We all went up to see what Karma got on his test scores, and the class gasped in shock. He managed to pull a 494 even despite the extra difficulty of the final questions, placing 5th overall.

Someone gasped at the sight. "Seriously?"

"Hold the phone," Isogai said. "You got a hundred in math?"

Karma didn't answer, he just kept smirking at Korosensei. "Your method worked like a charm, Teach," he said. "You gave us everything you had and at the moment of truth it mattered." That's right... I remember Karma being surrounded by several different Korosenseis. "So what if the midterms decided to cover new territory? I was ready."

"I think that's the nicest thing I've ever heard you say," I told him idly. He just shrugged.

"Don't worry, though," he told Korosensei. "I'm not going _anywhere_. Y'see, this is where I belong. Normal class has nothing on assassination." He tilted his head back arrogantly, challenging Korosensei. "So, where are you gonna go, huh? Where do you belong? You plan on using the fact we didn't all make the top 50 as an excuse to tuck your tail and run?"

Karma's test papers proved that Korosensei's method works, I think, and that the only reason we didn't all accomplish Korosensei's stated goal was because we were working with outdated data. This is why Kana was so vital to my operations with Trinity; if I didn't have the newest information, my ability to make decisions would be hindered. It would be like playing chess where the opponent's pieces were only visible if you could capture them, or if you were threatening that space.

Karma, true to his nature, leaned in close to Korosensei. "Because you don't fool me," he taunted, brandishing a knife. "I think you're just scared one of us is going to kill you."

Korosensei grunted angrily.

Nagisa was the first to realize what Karma was doing, as he first gasped and then smiled. A wave of understanding rolled through the class quickly enough after that, and I saw Nakamura and Yada share a quick grin. Kataoka nudged Maehara with her elbow, and he got the message. Folding his arms behind his head, he grinned and said, "You could have told us! Not like we'd blame you for being afraid!"

"Next time, consider being more straightforward with how you feel!" Kataoka said. That from a girl?

"Even if how you feel is 'Oh no, I wanna run away,'" Nakamura taunted.

The class started laughing and teasing Korosensei about being chicken at that point, and the moment of danger passed. Korosensei started making weird high-pitched grunting noises as he slowly turned bright red with anger, and started wiggling his tentacles in the air. "Nyeeaagggh!" he exclaimed. "No one is running away!"

"'Kay," Karma said. "So what's the deal?" Instantly, Korosensei froze and went yellow. Did he not think that far ahead?

Not to worry, though. He recovered instantly and raised a tentacle. "The deal is, we get our revenge on this school two-fold during finals!" The rest of the class started laughing even harder at his declaration of war. "Agh! Children!" he yelped. "This is no laughing matter!"

I shrugged and wandered back to my desk as Karasuma came in to see what all the commotion was about. It couldn't be denied that we'd come face to face with the first major challenge of this year; the wall that separated E Class from the rest of the main campus. It was the one I'd expected to hit a little while later, actually, but it's good we hit it now. The sooner we found a way around it, the sooner progress could be made on killing Korosensei.

I looked back to see Karma looking my way and sticking his tongue out impishly. Ah. He knows. And he also knows I wasn't going to say anything.

"Don't laugh! Aren't you frustrated?!" Korosensei asked the class over the laughter. "We mustn't let our guard down! We'll take them all by surprise!"

I get the feeling he's just saying random phrases at this point. Still, it seemed to work. There was an air of being proud to be in E Class among the rest of the students. "Who puts E Class in a corner?" Korosensei asked us all, throwing his tentacles in the air.

"Nobody puts E Class in a corner!" we all called back.

After everyone else finished packing up, Nagisa, Kayano, and Sugino dropped by my desk. "How'd you do?" they asked me, and I winced. I hate this question; it's always about expectations. If I did better than they expected, then they always said something, and I had to play off the answer, and if I did worse than they expected I had to deal with jeers and taunts from people that, in all likelihood, did worse than I did. It was something I'd never really had to deal with all that often - one particular bonus towards being mostly invisible and friendless during my first round of high school.

I just decided to bite the bullet and get it over with. "Take a look for yourselves," I sighed, pushing my papers towards them. I hate waiting for the answer, so I'm just going to keep packing up.

A sudden choking sound from all of them told me that they'd made it to either my composite score or my overall ranking. "Y-you're ranked 2nd?!" Sugino shouted, and I let out a harsh sigh. Sure, let's just announce that fact to the world, shall we? Fuck you very much.

Sure enough, everyone in the classroom decided that my desk was now the most interesting place to be. "You only lost three points? And they were all in social studies?" Okano gasped, staring at my papers. Yes, please, everyone go over my answers with a fine-toothed comb.

"Yes," I sighed. It's not like school was hard for me. I'd made a few dumb errors on that test, but I was an idiot, so errors were to be expected. I had known deep down I couldn't pull off a perfect score, but this wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. My memory served me well enough, I suppose.

As the rabble around my desk continued, I finally got tired of it and glared around impartially until people handed over my answer sheets and I could pack them away. There were a few murmurs of congratulations that I simply brushed to the side, and a few muttered comments of jealousy from some of the other kids, which I ignored with the practice of many, many times before. Like I said, this wasn't new to me.

By and large, however, the comments were largely congratulatory, which _was_ new to me. Even at the SAO survivor school, there was a general air of 'grades don't matter all that much', which I can't really complain about. Even though I was one of the better students in the class, nobody asked about my grades or pushed to see them like they did here. But in E Class, it was almost like these kids were genuinely happy for me to do so well on an exam that was, to them, brutally difficult.

Strange. Very, very strange. What do they want from me?

* * *

 **It's kinda sad that Nick is automatically unable to believe that people could genuinely be happy for him. Perfectly in character, of course, but still sad… It all comes back to the fact he has no self-esteem and defines himself based on what others think of him. Because he's got Kana, he defines himself based on her love for him – which tends to keep him stable and not as murder-happy as he would be otherwise. Seriously, if he didn't have her or the others he would probably literally be a serial killer by this point (see the Sidequest dream where Bizarro-Nick is an unrepentant killer) – but now he's got no one he feels comfortable opening up to. Without his family, he genuinely doesn't understand kindness (yet).**

 **Despite all that, though, he's still incredibly intelligent. Never make the mistake of thinking that his mental instability will translate to mental infirmity; the two are completely unrelated, unless Nick is currently going through a minor breakdown that affects his cognition. As for why he's not first, well, social studies. It's his biggest weakness right now academically speaking. In total, his biggest weakness is his paranoia and inability to believe that people might actually like him.**

 **The whole Assassination Classroom gimmick of making the exams into battles was something I wasn't sure how to handle at first; Nick's whole thing is that he doesn't entirely comprehend how the answers come to him, he just** _ **knows**_ **how to solve the problem. That being said, I didn't want to just say 'Oh, then I knew how to solve it and wrote down the series of steps that led to the answer'. On the other hand, the exam battles are kinda important for seeing how the other kids get overwhelmed. I feel how I handled it is a nice mix between the two sides I wanted to get across, what with Nick effortlessly killing all the question monsters while the rest of the class is screaming and shouting.**

 **(In case people want to time themselves, Question 4 is Root(75) – Root(12) – (12 / Root(3)) + (3 * Root(15) / Root(5)). Can you beat ten seconds? Bonus points if you can do it in your head. Radicals are allowed in the final answer.)**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 4**

 **(Part 3 is in Chapter 5)**

"..." The murmur was a lot clearer now, and I could start making out multiple voices. I concentrated, and realized they were actually the various voices of my sisters. Which was a bit of a surprise. As far I was aware, I was the only one here.

"..."

Wait, was that Shino with them? It was like a thirty-minute ride to get here from her school. What was she doing here?

"..."

Well, it'll be something I can ask her later when I see her in Alfheim...

Thinking of later, Asuna should be done soon, right? She'd already finished the back, and her hands had moved from the left side of the front to the right. Though... it feels like my head got _heavier_. "Asuna..." She cleared her throat, and I corrected myself. "Big sister..."

"Yeeees?"

That... was probably not a good sign.

"Why does my head feel heavier when you're supposed to be cutting _off_ hair?"

"Well... who can say?" she replied.

Yup. Definitely not a good sign. The moment I felt both her hands off my head, I snapped my eyes open and all but jumped out of my seat, ripping the cape from my neck. What was going on? I was staring through a curtain of brown hair. I whirled to look at Asuna, and while I saw brown hair on the floor of the room, I also felt hair hit my back. The _small_ of my back. I grabbed at it. Yes, my hair was now somehow much, much longer than before, falling to my waist... The bangs in the front were about chin length. A wig? No... When I lightly tugged at the hair, it pulled at my head. Hair extensions, then? I pulled some of the new hair to where I could see it, and it matched my own hair color perfectly. How...?

"Asuna... what is-"

I froze as I spotted what else was going on in the room around me.

Rika and Keiko were standing in one corner by the closet, with wide smiles on their faces. Behind them was the... closet full of dresses and other clothes...?

My eye twitched.

I could probably survive a drop even if this room _was_ on the second floor. I turned to the only window in the room...

...only to have my plans dashed before I could do anything. Shino was leaning against the windowsill, the smirk on her face tempered by the soft fondness shining in her eyes.

I wasn't escaping that way.

I turned to my last avenue of escape, the door, only to find it blocked by an indomitable mountain. Sugu.

All of my little sisters were here.

Though, I suppose they all had heard my and Asuna's conversation about brothers and sisters, so she and the others were my big sisters for the day...

 **Asuna and the girls are sneaky, and Nick got tricked. In case people were wondering, the extensions were in the bag. Asuna started putting them on when her one hand left his head. Nick didn't notice because he was zoned out and not paying attention.**


	8. School Trip Time - 1st Period

**Chapter 8: School Trip Time / 1st Period**

* * *

Did you know that I despise working in groups in school?

Gasp of shock, I know. Nick, hating working with others? Nobody would ever have expected it.

In my defense, I wouldn't mind working with any of my family if things came to that.

But regardless, my family was not here, and I needed to find a group to go on a school trip. I don't remember ever _going_ on a school trip, unless Aincrad counts as a school trip in a grimly macabre sense of the phrase. My old school probably had one for my senior year, but after Sword Art Online happened and I was trapped in Aincrad, I'd, uh... been unable to go on the trip. For some unknown reason. I couldn't _imagine_ why.

All of this was simply a small overview of my previous life before all of this craziness has started happening. The reason I'm thinking about it at the moment is written on the blackboard in front of me. 'School Trip!' it read, emphasis mine. 'Groups of six or seven.'

...And hence my problem. I had to find five or six other people that I could theoretically stand for four days and three nights, and that was going to be a bit of a problem – especially when one took into account that those theoretical people would have to stand _me_. I wasn't an idiot, I knew I was merely tolerated by the majority of the class; who would want me in their group? I got lucky in the real world considering that Kana sat behind me and was connected to pretty much everyone, and therefore by having the lofty title and undoubtable pleasure of being her boyfriend, _I_ was connected to everyone. It helped that a lot of the time the groups were for school-related activities, and I had a high-enough rank that people didn't mind me getting forced into their group when Kana inevitably started browbeating them.

Off to the side, I saw Nagisa packing up his bags, Kayano waiting nearby for him to finish. I started to approach him, intending on joining the two on their trek down the mountain, when I saw Kataoka walking up to his desk. "Hey Nagisa," she said, stopping in front of him. "Have you figured out who all is in your group?"

Nagisa looked at her and blinked. "My what?" he asked.

"It's mine and Isogai's job to keep track of who's with who," she said, "so let one of us know. That goes for you too, Nick. Let me or Isogai know when you have a group," she added upon seeing me, to which I replied with a thumbs up. I'll keep the class rep in the loop.

He stared off at her, expression twisted in confusion, and Kayano laughed as she ran over to him. "You look confused," she giggled, holding a magazine. "She's talking about next week's trip." Seriously? There's literally a reminder on the board. How do people fail to read... No, never mind. I think that's one of life's questions I don't want to know the answer to.

"Hold it!" Korosensei snapped. "Who in their right minds schedules a class trip this early in the year?"

"Principal Asano, apparently," I remarked without looking.

"Unbelievable!"

Then I actually got a good look at the octopus and paused for a good few seconds. He was dressed up as a fancy geisha, with an elaborate flower-print kimono (with octopus shapes for good measure), makeup and hairdo, a fan in one tentacle, and even one of those parasol thingies - that he was holding in his teeth for some gods-known reason. "I cannot say that I approve," he continued in a markedly different voice. It took me a second to realize that he was the one talking, and that was through process of elimination since I knew it didn't belong to anyone still in the classroom.

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Maehara snapped.

"Geisha?! Really?!" Mimura yelped.

"It's actually kinda hot!" Three guess as to which idiot was drooling while he said that.

Just... No. End of story.

Korosensei disappeared in a blur of color and white face paint, and when he was stationary again he was back to his regular yellow self, scratching his head sheepishly with one tentacle. "Guilty as charged," he admitted, blushing slightly. "Yes, alright, I'll admit it. I'm as excited as you guys are."

Beside me, Nagisa and Kayano were smiling awkwardly if with good cheer. First midterms, and now the class trip; these weeks are just packed. I'm rather glad I don't have much on my calendar these days. Of course, that could just be my steadfast refusal to socialize with my classmates. But, I mean, even the assassination classroom's schedule is completely filled.

The next day, we were called out to a class meeting on the new class track before gym class started. Karasuma wanted to talk to us about something related to the school trip, I think. After getting changed into the gym uniform, once again making sure nobody saw my scar, I collapsed into a boneless position, careful to keep myself comfortable while ensuring my weapons were within arm's reach if necessary. "Everyone's aware next week is our big overnight trip to Kyoto, yeah?" Karasuma asked us once we were all gathered there. "Well, not to put a damper on the fun, but... you're still on the clock."

What could he possibly mean by that? I'm not getting paid shit! "So... are we supposed to try to kill him there?" Okano asked Karasuma.

"That _is_ the idea," Karasuma answered her. "Kyoto is a very large city." Despite myself, I couldn't help but imagine Korosensei's methods of going sightseeing - he'd climb the outside of the tower, perhaps, and cling to the outside of the observation deck to get the best view. "A lot more cosmopolitan than this area." Or maybe he'd just be sampling the local cuisine from a nearby rooftop while observing one of the more famous landmarks. "For your safety you'll be touring in designated groups. Korosensei will divide his time between you."

Come to think of it, didn't Kana and the girls go visit Kyoto while I was... having my episode? That's neat, I'll get to experience what they did! Only, y'know, without the friendship and camaraderie that I'm assuming they had.

"There are a lot of good sniper nests in the big city," Karasuma continued, and I shook my head to chase away the pangs of loneliness and homesickness. I had to be calm and controlled, no matter how much I missed everyone. "We plan to have sharpshooters placed just about everywhere. Lead your target into the crosshairs, and the reward money will be parceled out between you and the lucky marksman."

My lips twitched but I didn't say anything when nobody else responded. Do they really think a sniper will be able to take out Korosensei? I mean, sure they've weaponized math, but at the same time the BB pellets they need to fire aren't the sniper shells they're used to. And they can't use gunpowder-fueled bullets with an Anti-Korosensei tip, given that we're gonna be in a crowded area with people that have no idea that Korosensei even exists let alone that we're trying to kill him.

What I'm saying is I don't think they've thought this plan through very well.

"So stick to the sniper-friendly routes and keep those eyes peeled," Karasuma finished.

"Yes sir," we all chorused before getting to our feet and beginning stretching for gym class. We might be going on a trip in a week, but we still needed to have our regularly scheduled drills.

Before too much longer, the bell to end our next class rang and the class split up to chat excitedly about the trip and who they were taking along as part of their group. I could see several cliques forming up - Terasaka and his gang in one group, obviously, and all the cool kids (Isogai, Maehara, Kurahashi, Kataoka, Yada, Okano, and Kimura) in another... wait, come to think of it, that's just the entire front row together, isn't it... That's one way of doing it, I suppose.

Of them all, the only one I was even mildly interested in was Nagisa and Kayano, clustered by the front of the room. As a result, I was lounging on a nearby desk while Nagisa studied the piece of paper in his hands, Kayano and Sugino looking over his shoulder. "So we're splittin' up into groups, huh?" the blue-haired boy wondered out loud. "Hey Karma, do you wanna be with us?" Us, in this case, seems to be Nagisa, Kayano, Sugino, and Okuda.

Karma looked over and grinned easily. "Count me in."

"You're, uh, gonna behave yourself, right?" Sugino asked awkwardly as Karma strolled over to join the four of them. "No funny business? No gettin' into fights and all that stuff?"

"Yeah! Sure!" Karma agreed with a charming smile. Then he dug out a photograph and showed the others, his smile turning decidedly wicked. I could swear I felt an aura of mischief around him as I examined the picture - he was smiling happily, standing between two kids with their IDs on full display. The girl just seemed a little upset, while the other guy had probably been on the receiving end of a few of Karma's punches if the swelling and scratches were any indication. "Don't worry, dude! When I stir up trouble out of town, let's just say I know how to keep witnesses from reporting!" I could almost make out horns on his head and a wiggling imp's tail behind him as his mischievous aura swelled. So that's the form it takes. Interesting – is his bloodlust similar?

"Because it's not really a crime if nobody reports it, right?" I asked idly, kicking my legs.

"That's right!"

Sugino leaned over to Nagisa. "Oh great!" he whispered harshly. "And now he's part of our group! Way to go!"

"Eh," Nagisa replied calmly without batting an eyelash. "What can I say, we've been friends for a while."

"So," Karma said, leaning in to the little huddle, "who else? There's you, me, Sugino, Kayano. Should be a few more."

"Yep, got it covered!" Kayano chirped, and she is damn lucky that I'm awake enough not to be irritated by that because it was right in my ear. She leaned over and dragged Okuda over to join the huddle. "Okuda's in!" she smiled happily. Okuda, for her part, had her hands clasped in front of her nervously. She shouldn't have worried; Nagisa continued to be Nagisa, Sugino was interested in someone else but wasn't a jerk, and Karma seemed to not give a shit.

"Still one or two shy," Karma remarked easily. "Think Number Six should be a girl?" I glanced over the composition of the group; a third girl would make it even girls-guys.

"Heh-heh," Sugino bragged, rubbing his nose. "No sweat! I foresaw this and took the liberty of enlisting someone very special!"

'Someone special', in this case, happened to be Kanzaki. The girl had long, straight black hair and a peaceful smile decorated her features. Beyond that, uh... I mean, I guess she was a hard worker, but she wasn't very active in assassinations. Her skill level was about average, on par with most of the class.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Sugino cheered, "class idol Kanzaki." He was very clearly into her, if the light blush on his cheeks was any indication, but I couldn't really say his description was wrong. She was probably the politest member of E Class I'd met so far, if not the politest in the school; I hadn't really talked to her all that much, given that I was, well, me, but every time we ended up crossing paths she always greeted me politely. I like politeness, it makes pretending to be human so much easier.

All in all, Kanzaki didn't really stand out, but she was fairly popular with everyone else in the class.

Nagisa grinned a little bit foolishly - Kanzaki _was_ a bit on the pretty side - and Kayano gasped. "Ooh, I'm totally for it!" she said.

Kanzaki smiled and bowed slightly to Nagisa. "Thank you for letting me join," she said. Like I said, polite to a fault. "I'm flattered."

"Eh..." Nagisa nodded. "Yeah."

"Cool! We have six now!" Kayano cheered. "Hey Nick, you're coming with us, right?"

I blinked and poked myself in the chest with my index finger. "Me, join your group? Why, do you need another person or something? I thought six was enough."

Kayano frowned at me, or perhaps it was a pout? I don't really know how to describe girls' expressions. "Ni-ick! Don't be mean."

"Be mean?" How was I being mean? But I shrugged despite my confusion. "Seriously, I don't get it, but if you say you need me, then I'll join." Nagisa nodded and started writing down our names. "Unless anyone has a problem with my presence? I understand if you do, of course."

"Nah, no problem here," Sugino said. Of course, I'm assuming that if Kanzaki left because I joined, he'd fight it... Kayano and Nagisa were obviously on board, and Okuda just kinda nodded stiffly. As for Karma, he just had his hands in his pocket and shrugged with his regular grin that didn't tell me much of anything.

"It will be pleasant to be in a group together," Kanzaki said to me with a smile. I'm pretty sure she just said it to be polite, but I nodded and smiled back just to play nice.

"So where in Kyoto do we wanna go?" Kayano asked us as a whole.

Sugino blinked and brought his hand up to his chin. "Good question..."

From the window, I heard a loud feminine scoff. "You're all so cute," Professor Bitch said smugly, watching us all with a smirk. "Excited to walk the city streets, boys and girls? Ah, so young and naive!" she said with a disdainful hair flip.

I imagine it would have been more effective if anyone in the class actually gave a shit about Professor Bitch's posturing - but nobody else was even bothering to give her the time of day, and I was only watching because she was at my back and I don't like having people at my back.

"Yeah, well, you can just stay here, Professor Bitch," Maehara called out. Professor Bitch instantly lost the smugness.

"You can water the plants while we're gone!" Okano added. Professor Bitch's stunned and shocked face was a pleasure to behold.

While the rest of the class broke up into groups to discuss their travel plans - I stuck with my assigned group, though I was paying more attention to the soap opera known as Professor Bitch - Professor Bitch slowly shifted to an irritated glower and finally to a rage-filled glare. I think she was growling under her breath, too. "Ohh no!" she shouted, pulling a small pistol from nowhere and waving it around. "If you bastards think you're gonna deal me out of this trip then think again!"

"What!" Maehara yelped - he was in her line of fire. "Y'know you're kinda giving us mixed signals here!"

"Oh I'll show you mixed signals, Copper Top!" Professor Bitch snapped, glaring at him.

The door sliding open caught our attention and distracted those two from starting a blood feud, so I'm glad Korosensei slithered in when he did. That brief moment of almost sadistic amusement of watching Maehara and Professor Bitch start to go at it would only last until she started firing, at which point we'd have to take cover, and that would be so much work... Then I realized exactly why Korosensei had slithered in. Namely, the gigantic stacks of very thick textbooks he was carrying on each tentacle.

"One for each of you!" he announced.

"What are those, sir?" Isogai asked our teacher.

"They're field trip guidebooks!" With that entirely unhelpful answer, Korosensei blurred away. An instant later, a guidebook was placed in my hands - and I jerked forward, not prepared for the weight. I caught my balance an instant later, but seriously, what the hells?

"What the hell?" Mimura gasped, echoing my thoughts.

"They're more like dictionaries!" Maehara shouted, as the rest of the class struggled with the new weight.

"Just-a-little-something-I-threw-together-last-night," Korosensei babbled in a fast clip as he fanned through the guidebook. "Including-art-illustrations-of-every-major-tourist-attractions,-the-top-one-hundred-global-souvenirs-and-where-to-find-them,-travel-self-defense-techniques-from-basic-to-advanced,-oh!-And-best-of-all..." I think I caught some of that... Maybe? "The first edition comes with a model of Kinkaku-ji!" he beamed, holding one up for the whole class to see.

I... Can someone play that back, maybe at half speed, please? I think I managed to hear something about self-defense techniques?

"You are _way_ too excited about this trip!" Okajima grumbled.

With that little side business out of the way, our group clustered around Nagisa's desk with a large map of Kyoto spread out on the desk. While Sugino and Kayano shot ideas back and forth for where we should go on our trip, Karma lounged in a chair with his hands in his pockets, Nagisa listened and added his ideas on occasion, and Okuda sat nervously on the edge of her seat. As I'd come to expect from her, Kanzaki was dutifully writing everything down in her little notebook. She was very organized, I was slowly realizing. Which was convenient, since I get the feeling this is going to be a hectic trip.

As for me, I didn't care one way or another what we did; I'd just go along with what the others decided. So I just kinda continued lounging on the desk, watching everyone chat.

Still, Korosensei always likes to include some sort of education with attempts on his life. If the way things have been going are any indication, and if I have the slightest small bit of pattern recognition, I'm starting to get the feeling that this trip is going to be more of the same.

The week seemed to pass quickly and slowly at the same time; a typical-enough phenomenon that anybody that's ever had a summer vacation should be familiar with. Before too long, I had packed an overnight bag I'd found in my closet - probably for that express purpose - and we were all lining up to head off to Kyoto. "Wow!" Sugaya gasped as we all clustered on the loading platform, waiting for a few late members of our party. He was staring at the other students from Kunugigaoka, the ones that weren't in E Class. "Man, look at those lucky jerks, gettin' to ride first class!"

"And as always," Nakamura sighed, "we're stuck in coach. Yay for us, right guys?"

One of the teachers stopped - oh hey, it's that dickbag that was trying to fuck with us during the exam! "Now now, boys and girls," he sneered, "try not to look so sour. Rules are rules, you know how this works."

Two of the dweebs that just got on poked their heads out; it was Lizard and Fatso. "And the student handbook states that those of us with higher grades get dibs on the school funds!" Lizard said, adjusting his glasses while Fatso chomped on something that looked like chocolate.

"Uh huh!" Fatso smirked. "Is that the abject stench of poverty filling my nostrils?"

These people irritate me. I would love to call the teacher out on the bullshit he tried to pull during the midterm, and then maybe rub his nose in his abject failure. Of course, I had no proof, so I didn't really know how I could -

"Pardon me, boys." Oh, fucking finally, Professor Bitch is here. Now we can load and get going… to…

...What in the gods' names is she wearing. Professor Bitch was strutting around in shoes that looked far too uncomfortable, as well as wearing gleaming jewelry and a bag that was probably as expensive as one of those first class seats the A through D Class kids were riding in. "Everyone having a glamorous day so far?" she asked us, striding up to her and owning the room with her looks.

"Um, Professor Bitch?" Kimura asked. "Why are you dressed like the paparazzi should care who you are?"

Professor Bitch just laughed knowingly and tilted her fancy sunglasses down. "When it comes to womanly wiles, a femme fatale pulls out all the stops." I glanced at the rest of our audience - Yada seemed super interested in learning about this, though Maehara was tilting his head in confusion and the rest of us didn't seem to care overly much. "Besides, travel is no excuse _not_ to look devastatingly fashionable -"

"You stick out like a sore thumb," Karasuma declared as he stopped behind her. Professor Bitch paused in her preening to glance at him. "Go change. You're a chaperone, not a runway model."

Professor Bitch twirled around. "Oh, come on, lighten up!" she cajoled him. "What's wrong with a little style? These kids are going to the city -"

"Shut up," Karasuma told her, and his eyebrows were furrowed. She was irritating him. "Get changed. _Now_."

Eep. So _that's_ how Leviathan pulled off that trick last summer...

Professor Bitch leaned back slightly.

The next time I saw Professor Bitch, we were all filing into the train car assigned to us and she was dressed in a purple jumpsuit, weeping and huddling in a tiny little corner of woe. Karasuma was sitting across from her and continuing to give zero fucks. I like him.

"She's more of a child than we are," Kataoka murmured.

"Maybe killing rich dudes for a living disconnects her from reality," Isogai suggested.

I shrugged as I made my way to the rest of my group. "Or, maybe she's just nuts."

Before too much longer we were on our way. There were different small little groups that had paired off to do whatever they felt like doing on the long train ride. I heard Isogai and a few of the others debating where the best assassination spots where, while another group had managed to snag a group of seats with a table and was playing some board game. I think Nakamura was losing. Off to the other side there was Sugaya and Mimura talking about video cameras, I think, and over with Terasaka's gang that one guy with the glasses was trying his best to bury himself in his book and pretend that he didn't exist.

Our group was sitting together, doing whatever we felt like doing, really. I wasn't paying all that much attention, since I was the seventh man and the groups of seats were in six; so I'd casually plopped myself down on the other side of the train car across the aisle from them, dropped my bag on the other three seats, and stretched out across all three seats. I don't mind being alone, especially if it means I get to be comfortable. I had my books to keep me company, after all, and while I'd burn through a few of them during the ride it'd keep me occupied.

"Huh..." Sugino's voice brought me out of my book and I looked up to see my group looking around for something or someone. "Has anybody seen Korosensei? Was he even at the train station?"

I blinked and then stared at the window in shock. Sugino and Nagisa noticed it around the same time as me; Korosensei had his face pressed up against the window, smushing himself against the glass pane. "Holy-!" Nagisa yelped. "Not to pry, but is there some reason you're stuck to the window?!" he snapped.

"Oh, uh..." Korosensei's muffled voice came through, and I shifted over to hear better. "I was stocking up on munchies at the terminal and lost track of time!" Our teacher, folks... "It's alright, I'll just stay here until we reach the next stop! Cloaking engaged!" With that, his face and tentacles faded away into nothing. Which was actually rather impressive - I was a sci-fi fan, and I knew the problems involved with actual stealthing technology that would turn something invisible. The only way would to let light pass straight through the object, but then you'd end up blind because we see thanks to light entering our eyes... And the computational power needed to accurately replicate a perfect image of the scene behind from every angle would be prohibitively large for a one-person stealth belt.

"Nothing to see here! Just some random clothes and luggage stuck to the side of a train," Korosensei said, and I sighed. Of course... It's just his face and tentacles mimicking what he's sitting on. Typical camouflage. And, of course, his robes and giant luggage pack strapped to his back didn't go invisible with him - so it looked like there was a random backpack on the side of the train.

"Worst. Camouflage. Ever," Nagisa declared flatly.

When the train finally pulled into the next stop, Korosensei managed to finally make it onboard and collapse into an open seat, wiping at his face. "Whew!" he wheezed, flopping bonelessly in his seat. "Who knew traveling incognito would be so exhausting! Goodness me!"

"Might be a little easier if you didn't bring such a big suitcase," Okajima said. He, Yada, Kurahashi, and Nakamura were standing near him.

"No offense," Kurahashi began, "but you weird people out as it is."

Nakamura nodded. "And while we're on the subject, broadcasting that you're in disguise defeats the purpose."

Korosensei jerked in shock and dismay, and that stupid fake nose that he has slipped off again like it always did. Honestly, I'm not sure how he's managed to fool people at this point. "Truth? It's a lame disguise anyway," Yada said. "Nobody's buying it." Vicious. I turned the page of my book.

"Hey Korosensei!" Sugaya called out, and I glanced over at the artist. "Try these!" He tossed something over to Korosensei, and the octopus caught them in his floppy tentacle gloves. "Can't have your nose going AWOL all the time, right?" Korosensei pressed something to his face, and I realized it was a new nose. This one - in addition to being round instead of pointed, a much smoother look - fit without slipping in the slightest.

"Wow!" Korosensei exclaimed. "A perfect fit!"

Sugaya grinned, tossing the tools he'd used in his hands. "Custom-carved to complement the contours of your face, you're welcome," he boasted. "It's whatever, just a little hobby of mine, no big."

"Whoa!" Isogai exclaimed, leaning over the seat back. "That's cool, Sugaya!"

Kayano laughed, and I looked back over at their group. They were playing a card game of some sort, though I couldn't really tell just from looking. "Isn't it awesome, how when you travel together you see a whole different side of people?" she asked, grinning.

Nagisa nodded emphatically. "I don't know what we'll learn about each other on this trip, but I'm ready to be surprised."

The rest of my group was playing the card game too, though I think Sugino was more interested in staring at the girl sitting next to him than actually playing. Seriously, I have no idea how Kanzaki wasn't getting creeped out by the staring - or how she was keeping it off her face if she was. Then again, my sum total of experience with females was A) Kana, and she always told me how she was feeling, B) Asuna, who was, well, Asuna, and C) the rest of my sisters, and they were a... uniquely expressive bunch with the possible exception of Shino, and even then with her it was just a matter of knowing what to look for.

Suddenly Kanzaki said, "Hey guys, I'm going to make a run to the main car and get us some drinks." It was almost entertaining, to watch Sugino snap his attention back to the cards so fast I think he got whiplash. "Anybody else feeling parched?"

Okuda raised her hand. "Uh... Can I come with you, please?"

"Me too!" Kayano cheered. Why do they always travel in packs? "Nick, what do you want?"

"Water's fine," I shrugged before returning to my book as the three girls got up and walked down the aisle. Still, I hadn't missed that small, almost indulgent smile on Karma's face when Okuda spoke up. Interesting... I wonder what he's looking at. "Also, Sugino, you're a _lot_ less subtle about your crush on Kanzaki than you think you are," I snarked idly. The sudden clatter made me look up – Sugino had dropped something, his face bright red. I grinned lightly at the look of shocked chagrin he was giving me, then waved it away and turned back to my book.

I accepted my water with a quiet thank you when Kayano handed it to me, setting it to the side as I flipped pages in my book. I could go through a three-hundred-page book in about three hours if I was reading consistently and the book was good, but my concentration kept getting broken by the conversations around me. Still, it wasn't a total loss, it meant I'd have more reading material for when I was ignoring all of the guys in the room before we went to sleep.

See, the thing is, after we arrived in Kyoto it was too late for any real sightseeing. A through D Classes got a high-end hotel booked for them, in a nice neighborhood with a relatively prime location. In other words, they got the best place in town. Meanwhile, little old E Class had to make do with a ramshackle inn somewhere in the city. I honestly have no clue where it was. Typical.

What wasn't typical, though, was the way Korosensei deflated as he slumped on the common area's couch in a yellow puddle. "Wait, so... bullet trains actually give him motion sickness?" Mimura wondered.

Korosensei Weakness Number Eight: He gets motion sickness.

"You'll probably feel better," Okano said as she raised a knife over her head and stabbed, only for Korosensei to shift to the side just enough to dodge it, "if you lay down in our room for a while." Then Kataoka gave it a shot, then Isogai, and then Korosensei was back in front of Okano. It was kinda like watching Whack-A-Mole.

"Perhaps later," Korosensei whimpered as he kept shifting between the three of them. "I need to pop back over to Tokyo for a moment first."

"Huh?" Okano murmured.

"Korosensei forgot his favorite pillow."

"How is everything you own not in that bag?" Mimura exclaimed.

Korosensei Weakness Number Nine: He has to sleep on his own pillow.

But all that was incidental. I was more interested in watching Kanzaki rummage through the bag she'd packed. "Any luck?" Kayano asked her gently. "It's gotta be in there, you worked so hard on it too!" They'd realized that the itinerary Kanzaki had written last week had disappeared, or she'd forgotten to bring it, or something, and she was busy searching for it.

Kanzaki shook her head glumly. "I admire you going through the trouble of putting through an itinerary, Kanzaki," Korosensei said in that reedy voice of his, still dodging the three Whack-A-Sensei students, "but if you can't locate it, don't fret. I have just the solution." He lifted up one of those guidebooks we'd tried to avoid having to lug around. "These handy-dandy guidebooks contain everything you could possibly need."

That's why we made the itinerary, though, so we wouldn't have to lug the huge thing around. I'd packed one away in my bag, just on the off-chance that we had extra time and wanted to go somewhere not covered in the original itinerary, but I wouldn't have been carrying the stupid thing around. Oh well; beggars, choosers, so on and so forth.

"I distinctly remember putting it in my handbag," Kanzaki said, staring into space. "I wonder if I dropped it somewhere?"

I shrugged. It wasn't the end of the world, so it didn't really matter all that much. "I'm sure we can all figure something out," I told her. "Besides, I vaguely remember the general route we were planning, so get me a map and I can give us a rough idea." Kanzaki gave me a small smile, and I just shrugged again.

The first day of our trip, we were wandering around to determine exactly where we wanted to set up our sniping ambush. I never really did understand the appeal of wandering around and sightseeing. They were just buildings, after all. If I lived there, I might know a little bit more, but... yeah. Sugino glanced at a map, then up at a large building across the street. "Nice spot," he nodded. "For assassination, I mean. Don't you think, Nagisa?"

"If the snipers can see it, sure," he replied.

"What a bizarre field trip, right?" Kayano asked us all.

Nagisa shrugged. "Maybe, but you gotta admit, it's fun."

"Yeah, fun," I said drily. "Why, I can't think of a single activity more entertaining than wandering around town for hours on end." They all ignored me, of course.

Kayano squealed as she caught sight of something in the guidebook Nagisa was carrying around. "Aah! Whatever we do, we _have_ to get green tea with mochi dumplings!"

Nagisa laughed, and Okuda perked up. "That's a great idea!" she said. "We could put poison in them!"

Hm. I'm thinking I'm beginning to see what Karma found so interesting.

Kayano, on the other hand, reacted like Okuda had just blasphemed against all of her gods at once. "That's twisted!" she exclaimed, recoiling in horror.

"Not for us, silly! For Korosensei!"

Karma glanced over. "Not too shabby. We could take advantage of his sweet tooth."

Kayano didn't bother changing position or expression, she just turned in place to face Karma instead. "That'd be a waste of a perfectly good local treat!"

"Now if only we could find a poison that didn't give him special powers," Kanzaki mused.

"Science is a hidebound bitch and loath to give up her secrets," I sighed. "My guess is, whatever makes up those tentacles has a chemical makeup that's radically -"

"Not to be that guy," Sugino cut in with a stretch, "but I was sorta hoping we could put the whole assassination thing on hold while we were here. We're in Kyoto, people! What do any of these sights have to do with assassination?"

Nagisa perked up. "You'd be surprised. I want to take a little detour... It's right by this convenience store." We all followed him down the street, and he led us to a stone pillar.

"Hold on," Kanzaki gasped, " _the_ Ryoma Sakamoto?" Apparently, this spot was where he was killed. Who knew?

Karma looked interested briefly. "This is where Omiya used to be. The inn where Sakamoto was cut down by assassins in 1867."

"That's right," Nagisa nodded. "And just a little further down is Honnou-Ji Temple. Though it's moved a few times since they built it."

Kayano had stopped to get those dumplings of hers that she really wanted, and she swallowed before adding, "Oh yeah! Oda's death counts as an assassination!"

"Just think," Nagisa said as he looked at a map in the massive guidebook he was carrying. "In these few city blocks, a slew of high-profile assassinations went down. Sure, Kyoto's always been the heart of Japan, but it's also a mecca for professional killers." Part of me wonders what the random passers-by think of these middle school kids lightly discussing assassination. Would they shrug it off as 'Oh, those kids and their out-of-town ways' or would they realize that at least two, maybe more of us are seriously disturbed what with the casual disregard for human life that Karma and I showed?

"I never thought of it that way," Sugino admitted as we strolled across a bridge. "Guess you could say we're on an assassination vacation!"

I was walking behind the main pack, like I always do, which meant that I was walking next to Nagisa. "Throughout history," he told me despite my 'I'm listening but don't really care' face, "tons of targets have been neutralized here. Targets whose lives the world still feels the repercussions of."

"You're thinking of Korosensei?" I asked him absently. I feel a little... off. Not entirely sure why, though. Maybe it's nothing - but the last time I ignored a gut feeling of being watched, I ended up getting stabbed by Johnny Black.

"He's definitely in good company," Nagisa nodded.

"Cool," Kanzaki said as we crossed the street. "Next up is Yasaka Shrine." Okuda nodded.

Karma, on the other hand, sighed. "Mind if we take a break first?" he asked. "I could use some sugar-loaded coffee right about now."

"Yay, sugar!" Kayano cheered.

Eventually - and after Karma and Kayano's sugar cravings had been satisfied - Kanzaki led us down the route I'd roughly remembered the night before. "Talk about off the beaten path," Kayano observed as we walked down an alleyway. The building faces were on the outside, so everything around us felt like we were sneaking through somewhere we shouldn't be. I always felt like that in alleyways. "Gion is a ghost town this far in."

"Yeah," Kanzaki said. "Places like this have a cap on the number of visitors they allow, so you don't catch many people just wandering around. Secluded, lots of good hiding places... That's why I made sure to put it on the itinerary. Thanks for remembering this, Nick," she added, glancing over her shoulder at me.

I just let out a nondescript grunt, looking around at all the different hiding spaces a sniper could conceivably set up. "You're the one who made it, I just read the thing," I told her.

"Regardless, it's ideal for assassination!"

"Good job, Kanzaki!" Kayano chirped. "You really do your homework! I vote this is where we do the deed!"

"Ideal is right," someone said, stepping out from around the corner. "It's also a good spot for kidnappers to ply their trade." I narrowed my eyes; fortunately, Karma and the other two guys were up front, so they could handle this interloper.

When more footsteps echoed in the alley behind us, I swore under my breath before turning around to see who had caught us in a pincer attack - and more importantly, why they'd done so. They looked like your typical thugs; a few scars, here and there, dirty shirts that looked like they hadn't been washed in a week, and the leader of the guys behind us, the ones I was facing, was bouncing some sort of sap against his shoulder. They all had ugly sneers on, and I clenched my fists.

As the thugs laughed, I swept my arm out to make sure the girls were staying behind me at my back. They were mostly non-combatants - of all of us, only Karma and I were truly proficient at hand to hand - but they knew a few tricks and could probably keep the jerks off my back if Karma got overwhelmed from the front. They would also provide the same service if the opposite happened. Glancing over the numbers, it didn't look good; there were five against me and three for Karma. I glanced over my shoulder and caught the redhead's eye; he grinned sadistically and I let a small grin bare my teeth. He nodded.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way," Karma said casually to his group, "but something tells me you gentlemen aren't tourists."

"No, I think they _are_ sightseeing," I said sardonically. "And I think I have an idea of what sights they want to see."

"Don't try to be a hero, Carrot Top," the one who'd spoken sneered. "Hand over your lady friends, and we'll -"

That was all he got out before Karma struck; I was watching my enemies for any signs of their movement, so I didn't see what he did, but I heard a heavy weight hitting the ground and a cry of pain. "Y'see that?" Karma said. "What'd I tell you? To hell with 'em! Without any witnesses, it's basically a free-for-all, so go nuts!"

"Hey!" Nagisa shouted, but I couldn't spare any more attention behind me. I just had to know that Karma was capable and could handle himself well enough to keep my back safe.

One thug, with bandages wrapped around his head to form a rough mask, ran past the leader of the pack and charged me, fist raised. I just shifted stance slightly and exhaled, relaxing my muscles. As soon as he was in range, I burst forward, exploding into an attack. He swung, but it was ham-handed, and I gently brushed it to the side before ramming my elbow into his ribs. It was clumsy, and I could feel it wasn't as strong as I normally could hit, but I was still trained. The thug backed off, gasping for air and clutching his side. I didn't follow through because I was escorting the – to my left!

I didn't let the motion to my side distract me, but the block I got up wasn't enough and I got knocked to the side. The one who'd kicked me was simply bigger and had more weight than I did; not necessarily a bad thing to deal with. After all, that's how I trained! I shifted towards him until he reared back to kick me again, and I simply spun and kicked out his other knee. He went down with a cry of pain and a tangle of limbs.

"Hey! Let go of me!"

Shit. I'd gotten knocked away from the escort quest and now they had Kayano and Kanzaki. I glanced over towards Karma's direction, but he was looking my way because of Kayano's cry. Because of that, he wasn't able to avoid the punch to the back of the head that knocked him to the ground, and they ganged up on him after that and kicked him until he stopped moving.

"Leave him alone!" Nagisa shouted, but I was already moving to get them off of Karma. One careful blow wrapped one of them around my fist as it drove into his solar plexus, but there were four others and I just didn't have the body strength to incapacitate the first guy with a single blow. I heard a grunt of pain from behind me, but I was too busy trying to defend myself from three other thugs. I blocked one strike and tanked another one with my shoulder, but they were coming from all directions.

I needed a dagger, or I needed my real body back...

I managed to ram my fist into the ridge under one of their eyes, probably bruising it, when I suddenly felt something incredibly heavy slam into the back of my knee. It buckled and I went with it, hitting the ground heavily. I was fine, for a while, but before long there were too many of the bastards kicking me and I couldn't do anything except cover my vulnerable areas and listen. "Bring the car around!" the leader shouted, and I could hear Kayano and Kanzaki's shouting get quieter. "Heh... Yeah, that's right. Don't mess with us, dweebs."

These fuckers... High school kids. I'm going to enjoy making them pay for this...

I heard the meaty smack of a fist on flesh when the other thugs stopped kicking me, and winced. That was probably Nagisa or Sugino... Karma had stopped moving a while back. Probably playing dead. But I couldn't just let them take what was mine without putting up a fight. So I pushed myself to my feet and lunged for the nearest thug. I got a good grip on his shirt and punched with as much weight as I could put behind the blow, and finally one of the bastards went down with a spray of blood. Noses squished _nicely_.

"Bastard!" I heard someone snarl, and then pain in my side, the same spot as earlier. Something hit my head and I saw only stars and then only black.

* * *

..."Nagisa! Sugino! Nick!"

I groaned, feeling every part of my body shriek in pain at once, and then immediately pushed the pain aside as I sat up. I'd felt worse before, and these guys weren't trying to kill me, I'm pretty sure. "Ow..." I winced as I probed at a few sore spots. "Yeah, that's gonna bruise in the morning..." Judging by the level of pain I hadn't been insensate for more than a minute at most, so I didn't have to worry about brain damage. My wallet was lying on the ground next to me, and I stashed it back in my pocket. Must have fallen out during the scuffle.

Ignoring the way my cheek and eye were throbbing, I carefully got my feet under me - hissing in pain as my ribs protested - and stood up fully, wobbling unsteadily. Before I could topple, I tightened my core and hissed out a breath. I was light-headed, but that would pass. I needed food. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay!" I looked over to see Okuda standing there, worrying over the three of us.

Sugino was sitting up, clutching at his ribs, and Nagisa was still on the ground. Karma was sitting up as well, but facing away from me, so I couldn't immediately see his condition.

Movement caught my attention and I saw Nagisa push himself up to a seated position. "You okay, right, Okuda?" he asked her. "Those guys didn't do anything to you, did they?" He had a red scrape on his chin, where I'm assuming the punch landed.

"It's okay, I'm fine," she insisted. "Sorry, I didn't know what to do so I just hid."

"Don't sweat it," Karma said from where he was seated. "You did the right thing." Okuda looked over at him with a confused sound. "I think it's safe to assume those guys were pretty hardcore."

"Street brawlers," I said, careful to keep my voice from jarring my ribs. "Used numbers to -" I winced as I put weight on the leg someone had kicked out from behind me. Bastard - always the right knee, too. "Used numbers and tight space to... control battle." I probed at my ribs and stretched cautiously, taking a few deep breaths while my fingers moved. Nothing _seemed_ broken... Good. Maybe cracked at the worst, probably bruised, but I could still move. "One on one, though, we should come out on top." I glanced at Karma where he was rubbing the back of his neck. "Options to proceed?"

He let out a snort. "We could go to the cops, but they're the types that know their way around the system... which is fine." He straightened up and looked at me, and the anger in his eyes was refreshing, even if they were still flat and unsettling. "Because I'm the type that prefers to handle this personally, if you know what I mean."

Slowly I nodded. "Agreed," I snarled. "They took what is _mine_ , and I will not stop until I have it back or extracted my pound of flesh." I will not let some trumped-up computer programs take something from me.

"Nick, you look..." Nagisa couldn't find the words to describe what I looked like, apparently.

Sugino could, though. "You took a lot of hits, man, you sure you're okay?"

My eyes bored into him. "I will be as soon as I have food in me and can rest for a while. For now, we figure out what to do next."

"Okay..." he said dubiously as I carefully sat down next to the others. "But dude. How do we find them?"

Karma shook his head. "They covered the license plate up, and the van would be a common model. We can't track them that way."

I snarled under my breath and tried to take a few steps, only to have the snarl turn to a muted whimper of pain as my ribs shrieked at me. I was exhausted, and I didn't have enough energy for my body to start healing itself yet. I'd taken a few too many blows, especially to the ribs. As soon as I could start moving, though, the body's natural painkillers would begin to flow. Rather than keep trying to push myself, I let my body collapse as carefully as I could, slumping against the alley wall.

As soon as she heard my hiss of pain, Okuda came right over to check on me. "Nagisa?" I asked. "Check the guidebook. See if it has anything related to the subject." I wouldn't put it past Korosensei to add something in that massive brick of a book just on the off-chance that something like this very situation did happen. Hells, every time I look at the cover I expect to see 'Don't Panic' written there in large, friendly letters.

As I waved off Okuda's concerned fussing, Nagisa flipped through the pages. "Hey! Take a look at this!" he said suddenly, stopping on a page.

"When a group member has been abducted?" Sugino read, staring at it. I made grabby-fingers at the book, and Nagisa obligingly moved so that I could read it too. "I'll just say it... What kind of guidebook covers this stuff?"

"The kind of guidebook an insanely thorough teacher writes, apparently," Nagisa replied. "Good call, Nick."

I grunted sourly. "Great, fantastic, now if only my ribs would stop thinking they were cracked that'd be just fucking great. Karma, any chance of you running out to get me something I can eat real quick since you can walk?" He glanced at me, then shrugged and headed out of the alley, hands in his pockets. "I'll pay you later," I called, then winced as my side complained again.

"There's even a section on how to deal with overpriced Kyoto souvenirs for cheap in boutique shops back home," Nagisa mentioned. Apparently, the solution was to 'bring back memories and experiences instead of souvenirs'.

Sugino looked a little surprised. "It's like he's walking us through every possible scenario."

"'Cheering up your lonely self after seeing lovey-dovey couples, specifically on the banks of the Kamo River'," Nagisa read.

"But that's not even a thing!" Sugino yelped as Okuda laughed.

I would have read to see exactly how you were supposed to cheer up, but Karma chose that moment to return with my snack. "Ooh! Meat!" I licked my lips and accepted the food. "How much do I owe you? I think I have..." My anticipation of the meal died in my throat as I stared at my empty wallet. "... _Mother fuckers_. They took all my money. What the hell? Who takes _all_ of it?!"

"It's cool," Karma said then. "Don't worry about it. Just treat me next time, okay?"

I snarled at my wallet for a second before shoving it back in my pants and taking a huge bite of the meat. Indulging in my carnivorous side always made me feel better. "Or," I said after I swallowed the mouthful, "I pay you back after we indulge in a little bit of looting the bodies. After all, they started it." Karma's smile grew wicked as he understood what I was hinting at. Fuckers take my money, I take theirs. That's what makes the world go around.

"Well," Nagisa said, and I resumed shredding my meal. "At least reading this helped us calm down. I, for one, feel pretty confident about what to do."

Oh, good. I polished off the food and wadded up the foil it had come in, tossing the little ball with another pile of trash. "Excellent. Now, what's the first step?"

* * *

 **Nick can take a lot of punishment, though that's mainly because once he gets his bloodlust up he'll ignore pretty much anything short of a literal death wound (and remember Sugou cutting his chest open? Fifty-fifty he'll ignore a death wound too) until he's gotten his prey. This is not a good habit to get into, since it stresses the wounds a hell of a lot more than if he actually listened to the messages his body was sending him. That is from personal experience by the way – I had a bruised rib almost crack because I refused to admit to being injured and stop the sparring match. I mean, I** _ **won**_ **, so worth it. It did take twice as long to heal, though. STILL WORTH IT.**

 **Anyway, this chapter may seem a little short, but that's for a reason (the reason is that this chapter would have run long had I kept it as it was, and the next chapter would have ended up being something ridiculously short like 5-6K had I not split this one up and added to that). Still, I think I found a good stopping place, so everything's working out well enough.**

 **As for the actual events of the chapter, Nick is continuing to be, well, Nick about people. The knee-jerk reaction to thinking that people ask him to join their group because there's no one else is something that happened to me literally last week, so… yeah. If you're looking at this and saying, 'Man, what's up with Nick? He was perfectly fine a while ago! And now he's all mopey and shit!' – just remember that his depression typically runs in cycles and waves. We may just be entering a bad period for him. Alternatively, he hates life and the universe and everything and he's starting to miss Kana more than ever. Both are acceptable answers.**

 **Regarding that D Class teacher on the train, it amuses me to think that Nick would blatantly call him out on something like that. Nick might be paranoid at times, yes, but in this case he's perfectly justified in thinking the entire school faculty is out to get him (or, well, E Class but to Nick that translates to 'him').**

 **And as always, kids, remember that I'm not a trained professional. Hells, I'm not even an untrained professional. I might have some knowledge of fighting and how the body reacts to getting punched, but without actual training you probably can't beat up someone several years older than you. That is, in essence, why Nick got beat by those high school delinquents. Numbers, the sheer fact that they all outweighed him, and the fact that while he could have handled them in Alfheim this was the real world (…or, well, a real world simulation as realistic as possible). I don't care how good Nick might be in Alfheim, he's not gonna be able to handle that many dudes after only a few years of real-world hand to hand combat. Plus he's still not 100% used to this body, and he's weak, so on and so forth.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, and reviewed. Reviews make me less depressed and when I'm not depressed I feel like writing more, remember?**

* * *

 **So hey, people have been - I'm not going to say whining, because they're not - mentioning that they think I've been sticking to canon too much on this one.**

 **First off, how much do you think _one kid_ is going to change things? Like it or not, Nick's just another person right now. He's not doing anything special. He _isn't_ anything special. He doesn't have Future Step, or the Nightblade, or anything. He's just a middle-school aged kid trying to kill his teacher with a gun and a knife. A teacher that can move at Mach 20. And before anyone says anything, if I explained my full reasoning for why Nick isn't doing much, that's drifting a little bit into just flatly talking about his personality and motivations, and I want the reader to figure that out organically rather than just have the info dump.**

 **(remember, by the way, that _you_ know the plot of assclass but nick doesn't. to him it's only been a month or two since he woke up.)**

 **Sure, I considered other things - like having Nick in A Class! That'd be neat, and create a lot of inter-personal conflict! (for about two, three chapters...) Except then there wouldn't be any personal development, which leads me to point two:** **y'all are missing the point of this story if you think it's about how Nick's presence will change events. Pay more attention to his thoughts and how he acts...**

 **When writing, I try to be careful about putting myself in Nick's position, without any foreknowledge, and figuring out what he'd be doing in that situation. A lot of times, his best action is what has already happened; other times, it isn't.**

 **That's all! Just wanted to address something that's been popping up a lot more lately.**

* * *

 _First you take the planet Earth, round and blue and green_

 _And floating over Tokyo, you drop a giant bean_

 _Put another one in Sichuan, China, what a sheen_

 _Taking off from Dubai to Hawaii at Mach 20, leave contrails as you fly_

 _Double back across the southern hemisphere o'er the Philippines once again to old Dubai! (and then)_

 _Back to Hawaii, drawing lines of latitude every twenty-five degrees along the way_

 _And there you have it! Korose-ensei!_

"See? Simple!" Korosensei beamed at us. "Now you try it!"

" _Are you kidding?!_ " the class shouted at him.

I frowned, irrationally irritated that 'hemisphere', 'Philippines', and 'Hawaii' had been rushed to make the syllable beat match the meter.

 **Music is serious business.**


	9. School Trip Time - 2nd Period

**Chapter 9: School Trip Time / 2nd Period**

* * *

The warehouse really wasn't all that impressive, and the guards outside even less so. It wasn't even all that difficult to find the place. There was a large white van parked outside and everything; the idiots hadn't even remembered to uncover the license plate after getting away. "Wow," I sighed harshly as we walked up towards the door. "We really got beat by these idiots? Man, Shino would be so disappointed in me..."

"Hey!" one of the two high school students posted as guards or whatever shouted. "Get outta here! Beat it!"

Karma looked at me, hands still in his pockets, and I cracked my knuckles. "Do you want right or left?" he asked idly.

"Right, please. I'm left handed, seems reason enough."

"Sure thing."

With a nod we walked up to the guards casually, grinning lightly. "You dumb or something?" my thug growled. "Or do you want us to hurt ya?"

I just shifted slightly, rising on the balls of my feet. "Oh, pain will be involved," I promised. "But I'm not the one on the receiving end." The viper hissed.

"Wha-" That was all he got out before I shot forward and my fist crashed into the underside of his jaw. His head snapped backwards and I pivoted, not wasting any momentum. I needed all the boosts I could get with this middle school body.

The heel of my palm dug into his solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him. The palm strike would be more accurate and required less brute force, making it more ideal for this situation. As he doubled over for breath, I reached up with both hands and slammed his head down as I brought my knee straight up, driving his nose into my left knee. As I let go, shoving slightly, the thug's eyes rolled up into the back of his skull and he slumped to the ground bonelessly.

"There we go," I said happily, crouching by his body. A quick check insured that while his nose was smashed, he wasn't going to drown in his own blood. "And let's see what my drops are... Ooh! He was loaded. Net profit, even."

I looked over to see Karma amusing himself by beating the crap out of the other thug. "Having fun over there?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he laughed.

I stood up, glad that the body's painkillers were still flooding through my system, and dusted my hands off. "Now that that's taken care of," I said, glancing at Nagisa and the other two as they stared at me and Karma, "shall we go in and rescue the girls?"

As Karma pushed at the door and it slowly creaked open, I heard somebody inside laughing. "Ah!" the voice said, and I recognized it as the leader of the thugs. "Speak of the devil. My photographer buddies are here."

Well, a devil was here. A devil and a viper.

Every bruise and sprain was worth seeing the total shock on that guy's face when Karma held his thug in the light for all to see. The rest of us were still in shadow, so all the leader must have seen was his guard that had been outside completely beaten up, moaning incoherently. One of the thug's eyes had already turned black, and his face was swelling from the beating Karma had laid on him.

Wordlessly, Karma tossed his thug onto the floor in front of us. Mine followed suit a moment later, both of them laying in a barely-coherent heap. "School trip guidebook page one thousand and forty-three," Nagisa read from the book in his hands. "What to do when a group member has been abducted. If there are no leads on the perpetrators, think back to any colloquialisms, accents, or linguistic quirks that might indicate whether said perps are local."

"The perps were not local," I said. "Miss Kanzaki is very organized, and would not forget to bring an itinerary that she'd worked so hard on for the group as a whole. Therefore, she had the itinerary when she boarded the train that morning. However, she did not have the itinerary when she disembarked from the train. Therefore, and because the perpetrators had laid an ambush ahead of time, it can be safely assumed that the perpetrators stole the itinerary on the train to Kyoto and knew of our travel plans already, rather than just seeing an opportunity and following a group of seven students."

"If not," Nagisa continued reading, "and the perpetrators were wearing school uniforms, refer to page one thousand, three hundred, and thirty-four." We moved forward out of the gloom, Nagisa flipping to the page in question; Sugino punched his fist in his other palm, I cracked my knuckles again, and Karma stared out at them darkly. "Here we are," Nagisa smirked. "If the perpetrators _are_ in school uniforms, you might be dealing with a rival school out causing trouble."

Kayano's face lit up from the dingy couch where she and Kanzaki were sitting. Their hands were tied behind their backs, and I -

 _(Asuna flinched away from my touch)_

\- snarled. What were these shits going to do to them? My bloodlust flared and I shuddered as I felt the immense desire to break every single bone in the hands that had touched the girls. The viper hissed in my ear as it wrapped around me, tugging at my arms. "You found us!" Kayano exclaimed.

The leader stepped in front of them, gritting his teeth. "What the hell?" he spat. "How did you even know where to look?!"

"Being unfamiliar with the area," Nagisa read from the guidebook, "the culprits will opt to stay within a narrow perimeter after the initial kidnapping. Somewhere secluded, but not far from the scene of the crime. If this is the case, consult page one hundred thirty-four." Nagisa turned the guidebook around and showed the map on the page in question to the group of thugs. "My Mach 20 bird's-eye view map of popular and or likely abductor hideouts may help."

Kanzaki looked shocked.

As did the other gang members, but for different reasons I'm assuming. These guys were probably realizing just how fucked they actually are - or they're admiring the guidebook. I'm not sure which. But it won't matter after I _rip their eyes from their sockets for daring touch MY group members_. "That guidebook's straight-up amazing!" Sugino laughed. "There's nothing Korosensei didn't think of!"

"No kidding, right?" Karma drawled, his eyes not moving from the thugs. "Definitely worth lugging around, we should take one with us everywhere."

I blinked. "Only if you're carrying it. I think I bruised my knuckles earlier. On his face." My fist felt stiff, at least. I'd know for certain after the natural opiates wore off.

 _You're getting all this from a guidebook?!_ the facial expressions of the thugs seemed to scream at us.

"Alright," Karma said. "So what's it going to be, gentlemen? Fight or flight?" He lowered his head slightly. "We'll go easy if you back down now - or, well, I can't speak for my friend here, but _I_ will - but after all you put us through, you're not getting out of this unscathed." He lifted his chin and our bloodlusts flared simultaneously, mingling together. "That's a promise," he hissed.

Rustling came from outside, and the leader of the thugs looked confused for a second before smirking. I spared a glance behind me, but couldn't see anything through the gloom. "Heh," Leader Boy sneered. "Actin' all badass. You junior high kids crack me up. Why don't you say hello to some friends of mine? See how far that attitude gets you with them."

I stared daggers at the bastard, promising that his suffering would be prolonged and pronounced, before carefully turning to keep an eye on them while watching the door. Four bodies were lifted into the room, heads shaved and fake glasses carefully affixed to their face. I let a predatory grin slip onto my face as I recognized the yellow tentacle wrapped around each of their necks.

The thugs gasped. "They - GAAH!" Leader Boy shrieked.

"Say hello to them if you like," Korosensei said darkly. I had a feeling he was keeping an eye on us the whole time. "Be advised, though. They probably won't hear you."

"It's Korosensei!" Nagisa exclaimed happily. Karma's small smile seemed to be the same as mine.

"Sorry I'm a little late to the festivities," he said, tossing the four thugs aside with a crash. "I figured it'd be best to let you handle this on your own while I searched elsewhere. Just to cover all the bases."

Much appreciated, sir. "Um, sir?" Nagisa asked. "Why exactly are you wearing a veil?"

"Violence is always regrettable," Korosensei said. "I'd rather you not associate my face with what I've just done. Or what I'm about to do."

Korosensei Weakness Number Ten: He's worried about keeping up appearances.

Sure, whatever. Not like I haven't associated that face of his with violence already.

"Good work following the instructions in the guidebook, Nagisa," Korosensei praised him. "I'm glad I had the foresight to provide them." A blur of a tentacle and the rest of us suddenly had guidebooks of our own in our hands, and I winced as adjusting for the weight jarred my hand.

"Hold on!" Leader Boy snarled. "This freakazoid is your teacher? That's the biggest load of bullshit that I've ever heard!"

One of the thugs raised a bottle of some sort, and I tensed up as they ran towards us, screaming. What's the best option here? The viper hissed and stretched out… Take out the weapon first - strike at the elbow and disable, followed by strike to the collarbone. That should break the arm and prevent him from using the bottle as a -

"Such language," Korosensei growled. A blur of yellow and the thugs' faces all snapped to the side. "I'll thank you not to use it in front of my students!"

The shock on the high school kids' face was delicious as they slumped to their knees, paralyzed by shock. "I... I didn't even see what he just did..." the leader choked.

Korosensei's mouth cracked open, hissing out a fogged breath, and I tucked my chin and narrowed my eyes. Glowing red eyes, bulging veins - Korosensei was _pissed_. "And unless you can move faster than _me_ ," he growled, "you'd be smart to keep your filthy hands off them too!"

As some of the thugs gave up the ghost and bolted for the door, the leader showed a surprising amount of resilience and forced himself to his feet. "Wow," he ground out. "So even the teachers they hire at that damn school are special... Pro'lly get off on looking down on us like the other kids do! Well, look down on this!" he shouted, brandishing a knife.

My chest twinged.

The leader and another of the idiots that could still move rushed forward, but Korosensei didn't move. "I think you have the wrong impression," the octopus stated before ducking down and lashing out with two tentacles, knocking both of the boys off their feet in a single blow. "The school these boys and girls attend is special, yes."

Two more thugs tried their luck as the first two finally hit the ground, only for Korosensei to spin around and use his tentacles like whips. "Only they're considered the outcasts," he continued, wrapping his tentacles around their necks and slamming their skulls together at high speeds. "Their class is the target of merciless scorn." Three of them attacked at once, one with a switchblade, but Korosensei only blocked before rising up on feet tentacles that lifted him up in the air and then lashing out with three more feet tentacles that knocked the thugs over. "Even so, bleak as their situation may seem, they stay commendably positive."

The leader lunged again with a shout, but Korosensei just wrapped a tentacle around his arm as he thrust. "Never would these children dream of pulling others down to their level out of spite." Korosensei knocked him away, sending him flying, and he got some pretty good air time. "They're not privileged, they simply work hard. And there's the moral for you. As the old saying goes, 'In clear waters or murky, fortune favors the fish who swims upstream.'"

It clearly meant something to Kanzaki, because her face lit up like she'd finally seen the light.

Regardless, I took advantage of this chance to move over and untie them both with Nagisa's help. "You two okay?" I murmured.

The girls rubbed at their wrists and smiled at the two of us. "We're fine, thanks to you!" Kayano replied.

"Okay, boys and girls!" Korosensei said, raising a tentacle. "Let's take care of business. These misguided young rascals are in desperate need of a lesson in proper field trip etiquette. Wouldn't you agree?"

We were already behind the kneeling thugs, guidebooks raised. I will admit that I took a sadistic pleasure in slamming the book down on the back of the neck of the thug in front of me, especially since he was the one to kick me in the side at the first encounter.

I could see the shock in the eyes of the thugs as they went limp. _How were they behind us, all of a sudden?_ they seemed to be wondering. _What the hell did they just whack us upside the head with?_

As they went limp and passed out, I hissed out a pant of joy. "Picked the wrong kids to mess with," I growled as I crouched down and dug through their pants and took all their wallets. I didn't hesitate to clean them out, since they'd done the same to me. I was polite enough to split the loot between the members of my party, of course. Everyone had helped, so everyone got some of the cash. Nagisa and Sugino looked at me with bemused expressions, but took the money when I insisted.

After that, we got out of there and stood in the setting sun. "Man, for a while there I didn't know _what_ was going to happen," Sugino sighed.

"Should've just left me alone with the ringleader," Karma suggested. "I would've taken the bastard out before the trash knew what hit him -"

"We get it," Sugino interrupted him tiredly. "You're a scary dude."

I let out another sigh. I knew I was going to be a little out of it while the painkillers were swimming in my bloodstream, but that was part and parcel of recovering. Okuda laughed, and Kayano let out a happy sigh. "I'm just glad we're okay," she said.

"Are you sure they didn't do anything?" I asked her, casting a subtle glance at Kanzaki. She had been a little disheveled when we rescued her, and if they did _anything_ the thugs were still in there, and there were a few knives laying around.

"They didn't do anything," Kayano assured me. "How're you holding up, Kanzaki? You good?"

Kanzaki turned and smiled at us. "Sure, all things considered." My eyes glittered darkly for a second, and then I nodded.

"I must say," Korosensei said, "you're handling this quite well." Kanzaki let out a little 'Huh?' of confusion. "Most folks would be traumatized by what you just experienced. Yet you've shaken it off without batting an eye! In fact, I dare say the whole ordeal has empowered you."

"What do you know?" she smiled. "I guess it has. Thanks for coming to the rescue."

Korosensei looked pleased by her thanks. "Don't mention it. Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh... Why don't we carry on with our field trip, boys and girls?"

We wandered down the streets, Korosensei idly dodging Karma's swipes with the knife as we went. "Aw, man," Sugino complained, rubbing his head. "We never got to try out our assassination plan."

"Well, it really isn't the time or place for that now," Okuda told him.

"Whatever," Karma shrugged it off. "We'll just try tomorrow."

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed. "Best of luck to ya!"

It's a bit difficult, really, when your target is also your teacher -

"Oh, fuck me," I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning against a nearby wall.

"What's wrong?" Kanzaki asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Well, no, not really," I admitted. "Tomorrow is probably going to be convalescence." I shrugged with one shoulder. "Sorry, but I'm probably going to be resting all day and trying to recover. But that's not the issue."

"What is, then?" Kayano asked me.

"Two things," I replied in a tired voice. "One, the painkillers my body produced to deal with the pain should be wearing off soon - I'm feeling light-headed and that's gonna suck once they get flushed from my body." I'd prefer to be in our rooms before that happened. "And two..."

I opened my eyes and stared at Korosensei. Karma at least had the decency to quit it with the stabbing attempts. "You caught it, didn't you."

Korosensei laughed that laugh of his. "Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh! I must say, Nick, your bloodlust is _spectacular_! Such a refreshing bloodlust should be directed at a target worthy of it, don't you think?"

Shit. There goes the element of surprise, as limited as it was ever going to be. "Yeah, I had a feeling you wouldn't have missed that. Oh well. Looks like I'll be throwing my hat into the ring, now," I sighed. "Consider this my declaration of war, Korosensei." Wasn't like I had any other choice.

His grin widened. "I look forward to your attempts on my life, Nick."

Yeah, I bet you do.

Sure enough, once we made it back to the room I all but collapsed in an insensate heap of pain. "Fuck, this sucks... Fucking ow..." I let myself lie in a heap for a while before shaking myself and forcing myself back up onto my feet. The longer I wasted, the less chance I was going to have to clean myself off before the other groups of kids came back, and I still didn't feel comfortable revealing my scar to them just yet. It'd bring up a lot of awkward questions I didn't want to answer. More importantly, as soon as the painkillers were flushed from my system I'd be very happy not to have to move much, so if I could get everything handled before then that'd be fantastic.

Aaaaand, I'm rambling in my thoughts. This is great... At least there's a little bit of fuzziness covering everything I think and do. It's enough to kill the worst of the pain for a while, and it'll probably help me get to sleep tonight.

At least I was able to wash myself off and clean the worst of the scrapes I'd managed to collect. My ribs were interesting shades of black and blue, and my cheekbone had turned yellow, but by and large everything seemed in one piece. I shifted around carefully, testing the limits before the pain made me stop, and it was all within acceptable limits of restriction. Nothing felt broken, in other words, though I'd have to check again in the morning after the night's sleep made the pain fresh again.

I don't really remember what happened at dinner - I vaguely remember sitting down and eating with Karma and Nagisa and Sugino, but the meal itself was kind of a blur. I'm pretty sure I didn't embarrass myself too much, or if I did they understood I was a little punch drunk and let the worst of it slide. When we got back to the room the rest of the class was there, and I remember brushing off any concerns about my condition by the simple expedient of going to my bag, grabbing a book, and curling up to read. By ignoring everyone else, I didn't have to worry about them asking questions about what we did. I'm pretty sure Kanzaki and Kayano would appreciate this whole incident being brushed under the rug.

The next day, though, I woke up and immediately regretted doing so. Can... Can I just roll back over and go back to sleep? Nothing _hurt_ when I was asleep... I know I'm whining, but my _everything_ hurts and I think a little whining is justified. I staggered to the bathroom and relieved myself of my morning needs - in other words, I took a piss - and walked back towards my bed. Before I reached it, though, I heard clattering from one of the side rooms. I'm pretty sure that's the one Karasuma was working in.

"Did you even sleep at all last night, sir?" I asked after poking my head in to confirm that yes, the clattering was Karasuma typing away on his laptop.

"I got enough rest," he replied, not even looking away from the screen. "How about you?"

I laughed weakly before coughing as my ribs decided that laughing was a bad idea and informed me of that fact quite pointedly. "Ow..."

The constant typing stopped and Karasuma looked at me. "What happened to you?"

"I got into a minor disagreement with some gentlemen," I said with a small wave. "The, ah, disagreement was resolved to my satisfaction."

"I see."

Like he didn't already know. I'm certain he's keeping tabs on all of us at all times, and even if he wasn't I'm sure Korosensei would have told him. If anything, Karasuma was letting pain be its own teacher, for which I was grateful. "Oh, and on a completely unrelated note," I said, "would it be possible for me to spend most of today resting in the inn? I can walk around, but I'm pretty sure assassination would be a detriment to my health." I know my body, after all, and the fastest way to get back to normal operating parameters was to avoid stressing it right now. It'd heal and be better than ever in a few days.

"Good idea," Karasuma nodded as he went back to his laptop. "Take a few days, make sure your ribs heal up properly." Huh. Looks like he _did_ know. I apologize that I have failed to be surprised by the revelation.

When I swung by the main room again, the other guys were up and about - since their injuries were less severe, they were fully healed - and let them know that I would be lounging about the inn today and not participating in the assassination attempts that afternoon. Nagisa and Sugino offered kind words of hoping that I would feel better soon, while Karma just shrugged and wandered off to find breakfast or so I'm assuming.

With all my morning errands taken care of, I got comfortable with a book and started reading. A bag of beef jerky on one side, a water bottle on the other, and several hundred pages of reading ahead of me. Yeah, this is much better than limping around on this knee.

A little bit after lunchtime - okay, so it was after two when I finally got hungry, close enough to lunchtime - I started wandering in search of food, and in the course of doing so drifted by Karasuma's room again. As it was this morning, Karasuma was still typing away on his laptop industriously. This time, I went and found myself a sandwich from some nice shop nearby, and came back. Knocking on his door, I entered and sat down on the other side of his table. "Hey, Mr. Karasuma," I greeted him. "How's the assassination attempts going?"

He sighed. "Not well. The other student groups failed yesterday, and I recently got word from the sniper in question that he was abandoning the assignment."

"Well, that comes as a complete shock," I replied drily. There was no trace of shock in my voice. "What happened with them? C'mon, I know you Ministry of Defense types. If you don't have camera footage of the attempts, I actually will be shocked."

Karasuma looked at me, then shook his head. "Here." He passed me a tablet after tapping it for a few seconds.

"Neat, dinner and a show."

He must have queued up recordings of the events, because when I hit play on the video file on screen that's what started playing.

* * *

The only thing was total blackness.

Then, approaching rapidly, a single light.

 _"Couldn't you guys get better lighting?"_

 _"Just watch the video."_

"Wowsa!" Korosensei leaned to look out the window, the empty fingers of his gloves flapping in the breeze. The only fingers not moving were the ones holding yatsuhashi. "The open-air design really lets you feel this baby move! This is how you travel by train," he told the assembled students. "Zipping along at twenty-five kilometers per hour, and no queasiness."

"Says the guy who can break the sound barrier," Kimura grumbled.

The students in Group One glanced at each other and nodded. _Just a little more,_ they seemed to be thinking. _And he'll be right in the sniper's line of sight._

 _"Where even was this, anyway, Mr. Karasuma?"_

The trees blurred by and suddenly disappeared, giving a perfect view to a beautiful river.

 _"A popular tourist stop on the Sagano tramway, the Hozu River Bridge."_

With a squeal of brakes, the scenery stopped blurring past. The tram had come to a stop on the bridge over the river so that the tourists could take in the sights; a good spot for a sniper, since the tram stopped in the same place every time. "Alright, folks," a bored-sounding tour guide said over the intercom, "now's the time to snap those pictures..."

 _"_ He _certainly loves his job."_

"Hey!" Kurahashi exclaimed, standing up to lean out the window and point. "Check out the boat, Korosensei! Coolest thing ever, huh?"

"Ooh!" the octopus said, raising a hand to his head to look. "Let me see!"

Kurahashi turned to the other students and exchanged a glance. A glint of light shimmered in the view for an instant, off on the banks of the river. That was where the sniper had set up in anticipation for Korosensei to lean out to get a good look at the boat that was apparently going under the bridge.

A shot echoed out.

 _"Well, fuck me, then. I couldn't even see the bullet."_

Korosensei had, in the instant between the bullet streaking towards him and it impacting his head, managed to catch it between the yatsuhashi he had been carrying; the pastry was perfectly folded to absorb the spin of the bullet. "Oh dear," Korosensei sighed, looking at the ruined treat in his hand. "There seems to be a sliver of bone in my om-nom." He looked at the students, but they refused to meet his eyes. "That could have turned out ugly."

 _"So wait, he spun his hand fast enough to match the bullet, and stopped it in its tracks?" A whistle. "Please tell me you government folks expected to get embarrassed like this, right?"_

The train started moving again, the members of Group One sitting awkwardly in their seats as Korosensei continued to beam his omnipresent smile.

* * *

Group Two implemented their plan at approximately 11:20, in the Toei Kyoto Studio Park. "Be gone with thee, foul wastrel," the samurai reenactor declared. "Your presence doth desecrate mine eye."

The man he was talking to - with a topknot and two bodyguards - bristled. "How dare you address me thus?" he snarled.

 _"Please tell me they're not gonna be talking in the faux-Shakespearean language the whole time..."_

 _"I wasn't aware the class has read any of the Bard's works."_

 _"Personal reading. I like the classics, so sue me."_

The noble lone samurai moved forward, gently ushering the woman he was guarding safely behind him. "Let us teach this man humility!" one of Topknot's flunkies shouted, stepping forth with sword drawn. "Brothers!"

The talker lunged, sword over his head, and the lone samurai moved. With a powerful shove he pushed the woman out of the way, and then with a smooth flowing motion drew his sword and slashed the attacker open in one motion.

 _Another whistle. "Wow. Klein would love to be able to pull that off."_

 _"Klein?"_

 _"...A friend." The tone was guarded._

The second swordsman shouted and charged, and he too was felled in a single blow. With only two sweeps of his blade, the lone swordsman had eliminated two enemies.

"Awesome!" Okajima gushed, hands clenched. "Their swords move so fast you can barely see 'em!"

"These men are highly trained in the subtle art of stage combat," Korosensei lectured. "Did I mention that I'm an aficionado of Edo-era swordplay?"

In the reenactment, the lone samurai was facing off against several of the arrogant swordsmen. They attacked en masse, but the lone samurai was able to deflect the lethal blows and take out his attackers one at a time.

"Heads up!" Sugaya shouted as the reenactment scuffle got close to the sidelines where Group Two and Korosensei were standing.

"Watch out, sir!" Nakamura said, pulling Korosensei off to the side slightly. "Don't stand so close!"

"Okie-dokie!"

It was, naturally, all a ploy to move Korosensei into position for the sniper's spot. This time, the perch chosen was up in a nearby water tower; Korosensei was watching the show avidly, and there were no civilians in the way of the shot.

Then, between one frame and the next, Korosensei disappeared.

 _"Um, Mr. Karasuma? Was this edited, or something? Because I feel like we lost footage."_

After a second, a clash of blades echoed out near the camera, and a large body in brown robes stepped back into the view.

 _"Oh, come on, really?!"_

The body belonged, of course, to Korosensei, who'd traded out his teacher's robes and tie for a samurai-style wig and robes, complete with straw hat hanging around his neck and sword held in both noodly arms. With two slashes he knocked down the actors that attacked him, and then dashed away. When the dust settled, he was standing back to back with the lone samurai. "I come to thine aid," he declared pompously amidst the cries of shock from the watchers. "Blood-soaked sakura blossoms are an evil flower, I will not abide them!"

 _"...I take it back, I prefer bastard Shakespeare over... whatever he just said."_

 _"Those are the actual lines."_

 _"I hate everything."_

Korosensei clearly knew that the sniper was there the whole time; he was never still for more than an instant, dashing from actor to actor and knocking them down with a strong blow from his fake sword. The sniper couldn't take the shot, because the actors were in the way every time. While Group Two watched with shocked faces, Korosensei continued to have the time of his life joining in with the reenactment.

* * *

 _"Hey, what's this button do?"_

The video was now of the Five-Story Pagoda. Group Three was waiting patiently - or, in the case of Terasaka's gang of hooligans, relatively impatiently - for Korosensei to arrive to come with them.

 _"Ooh, the third group. Nifty."_

"You're late, sir!" Hara said with a smile as Korosensei finally arrived in front of them. "What took you so long?"

"Eek!" Korosensei bowed sheepishly. "I'm so sorry! I got swept up into a samurai drama! I was the _star_!" He whispered the last line.

"I totally believe it," Muramatsu grumbled.

"Y'know," Yoshida said, "we finished Kiyomizu Temple like forever ago."

"Then what d'ya say we scope out Nineizaka Street for souvenirs," Korosensei suggested, raising a tentacle.

"Yeah right," Terasaka scoffed. "Like you'll buy anything except junk food."

 _"The camera is mobile, right? It looks like it."_

 _"I'm impressed you caught that. You're right, it's being controlled remotely by one of our agents."_

 _"Man, drone technology. What_ will _they think of next? So, where's the sniper? In the Pagoda, I'm assuming? Unless those construction signs are a happy coincidence."_

Group Three and Korosensei started wandering the streets, examining the different souvenirs for sale. "Here, Korosensei!" Hara said, holding one item out to the teacher. "Try this body paper! It's super cool!"

Korosensei leaned over to examine it. "Hm... I'm not sure I care for you to see what it'll pick up..."

Undaunted by Korosensei's uneasiness, Hara started sticking them on his face. "Come on, it's supposed to be fun!" she said.

Between one frame and the next, a bullet appears, sticking out of one of the pads Hara had placed. Korosensei didn't even flinch.

 _"Wait, the hell?"_

 _"...Hm. It seems that the octopus's mucus was absorbed by the paper and acted as a sponge to absorb the penetrating power of the bullet."_

 _"...Unbelievable."_

"See," Korosensei said, pulling the papers off his face, "this is exactly what I meant!" Terasaka was inches away from trying to throttle the octopus. "Look at all these secretions! There's enough mucus here to stop a bullet!"

Terasaka growled and turned away, refusing to look at the octopus. Korosensei looked like he was going to continue taunting the children when his phone started ringing. "Oh, hang on," Korosensei said, rummaging for his phone. "Nagisa's group is calling, excuse me. Hello?"

Whatever the person on the other end of the line said, Korosensei gasped in shock. "Tell me where you are," he said, the jollity in his tone gone in an instant.

 _"Oh, so that's when we called him. That ringtone is weird. It's like some... bizarre combination of DJ synth and the Big Ben bells."_

* * *

I pushed the tablet back to Karasuma. "Aaaand I think I know what happened after that. Sorry if our little emergency screwed up your plans."

"So long as you kids are alright, that's what matters." I'm not really sure my condition right now counts as 'alright', but I'm mobile and able to function a little bit, so... progress? "Now, if you don't mind, some of the paperwork _is_ classified, so..."

I got the hint. "Roger roger, bossman," I said easily, throwing him a lazy salute. I technically have a security clearance, but equally technically at this point in time I won't have it for another eight years or so. "I'm off to go find something to drink and then back to my bedrest for me." As I wandered out, I briefly wondered what happened to the sniper, and why he gave up on the assassination contract. I mean, aside from the obvious reason of not being able to follow through. It's highly likely Korosensei got to him in some way, shape, or form, but I couldn't see the octopus taking violent revenge.

Nah, if anything he was more the type to thank the sniper for tricking us into doing in-depth research on the city. I'd figured it out a little bit into our planning session, but because we were trying to figure out the best place to ambush Korosensei, we'd gotten information on tourist flow, history, the local culture... pretty much anything that would tell us about our stage.

I returned to my book and curled up, getting comfortable - and that's where some of the guys found me when they all eventually returned from exploring the city for fun. "Hey, Nick," Isogai greeted me as he and Maehara came into the common room. "Feeling better?"

"Much," I said with an indolent stretch and sigh of contentment. "Where's everyone else?"

"Out and about," Maehara said, stripping off his shirt and shrugging on the robe provided for us. "I think there's a few people in the game corner."

"Oh boy, oh boy," I said with a smirk. "I love video games. Just can't get enough. Mind giving me directions?"

He grinned. "I'll do you one better and take you there. I wanted to play some table tennis."

When the three of us arrived on-scene, Nagisa looked over from one of the game machines and waved at me. I gave him an acknowledging wave in return and nodded my thanks to Isogai and Maehara; I'd noticed them deliberately keeping their stride shorter to allow me to keep up without jarring my ribs. I'm pretty sure they knew I knew, but I wasn't sure if they knew I knew they knew I knew.

Bah, it makes my brain hurt. "Yo," I said easily as I joined Nagisa and Sugino, taking a careful seat at one of the games. I wasn't going to play it, I just wanted to be off my feet. "How was your day?"

"Fun," Nagisa told me. "We got to see all _sorts_ of stuff. Samurai dramas, souvenir shops, assassination locations, tourist spots..."

I nodded. "And the ladies?"

"They're fine," Sugino assured me. "No problems at all. They should actually be joining us soon. I think Kanzaki said she wanted to get changed first."

"Nick!" 'Soon', in this case, turned out to be five seconds later. "Are you feeling better?" Kayano asked as I turned to see the new arrivals - Kanzaki, Okuda, and Kayano. Karma wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"So long as I don't do anything excessively active, like get into a fight with a particularly angry kitten, I should be fine after... three more days?" My ribs weren't cracked, it turned out, it was just a nasty bruise. "Three or four, depends on how much stress I can keep off them."

"Oh, I know this game," Kanzaki said as she examined the one next to me, a twin to the machine I was sitting at. "I think I have change somewhere..."

"Are you any good?" I asked her. I wasn't fantastic at the bullet hell genre, though I'm chalking that up to lack of experience more than anything. I mean, it's just patterns and knowing where the safe zones are; patterns are like adding two and two at this point, and as for knowing where the safe zones are, well, after dealing with those Guardian Knights in the World Tree, numbers are a lot more relative than they used to be.

As it turns out? Kanzaki was pretty good. "Hot _damn_! How the hell are you dodging all of those?" Sugino exclaimed as Kanzaki blew up all the bullets on screen, getting a bonus added to her already massive score.

"This is actually starting to get embarrassing," Kanzaki admitted. I noticed she didn't take her eyes off of the screen for an instant, and her hand never stopped smashing the fire button.

"Look at the way she handles that joystick," Sugino muttered, staring at the screen enraptured. "Smiling like it's no big deal!" I bet he… No, too easy. Insert snarky joke about handling joysticks here.

"Wow!" Okuda gasped. "I had no idea! I mean, who knew you'd turn out to be such a video game pro?"

"I kept it a secret," Kanzaki replied. "My family's super strict, and doesn't approve of me wasting time on stuff like this. Lately, though, I feel like I'm over caring so much about what they think."

My eyebrows rose slightly. "A fellow gamer? What's your favorite genre?"

"Dance games," Kanzaki told me without missing a beat. "But I'm fairly good at bullet hells, too. You?"

"I noticed," I said drily. "As for me, MMOs are more my speed - mostly RPGs, though I've played an FPS or two in my time." Heh. "I prefer real-time combat, but turn-based has its merits."

"There's a few MMOs I've been looking at," Kanzaki admitted, "but I haven't signed up for any of them. Any suggestions?"

"Well, it depends if you like raising a character with variable branching development paths, or if you like small self-contained instances with objectives set in stone..." I noticed that the other four were blinking at us like we'd started talking a separate language. Which, to be fair, we kinda had. "But I can give you the details later. What were you saying about not caring what your family thinks?"

"Well, what anybody thinks, really," Kanzaki said. "I used to get so stressed out over how other people saw me. I always second-guessed myself. Then Korosensei made me realize, it's all about doing the best with what you have. Being true to the person on the inside."

I wasn't stupid; I knew half of what she said was towards Kayano. The two of them seemed to have bonded ever since those thugs kidnapped the two of them, not that I was all that surprised. After all, _I_ managed to form bonds when 'kidnapped' by a crazy person, so two girls who weren't emotionally stunted? Please, it'd be like playing a game on Easy mode.

"Oh no!" Kayano exclaimed suddenly as Kanzaki's avatar exploded. "It blew you up!"

"Yeah, that'll happen," the black-haired girl said with a resigned smile. "I have more lives, though."

Bored now. I got up and started wandering around, looking for something interesting to do. A repeated clacking sound drew my attention, and I followed it towards the other side of the room where the table tennis tables were set up. Isogai and Maehara were watching while Mimura and... and, um... and the glasses guy that was in Terasaka's group played. With a cheer of victory, Mimura grinned, and I figured he'd just won a point.

"Nice save, man," Isogai praised him as I limped my way over to them. "Nick, want to play a game?"

"Can't," I said with a faint shrug. "Sorry. I'm trying to avoid moving around too much, and I know I'll get competitive."

"Fair enough." Isogai returned his attention to the match between Glasses and Mimura, and I noticed someone strange on the couch by the wall.

Namely, it was Karasuma. He'd apparently migrated his paperwork out to the common room at some point during the afternoon, and his laptop wasn't in attendance, so this must not be the classified paperwork he was talking about. I wonder what he's doing? Probably trying to find us a new sniper for one last attempt tomorrow. I doubt more than a few people are actually stupid enough to accept the assignment.

I watched the game for a little bit longer - Glasses guy struggled valiantly, but he eventually fell to the relentless onslaught of brightly-colored plastic to Isogai's cheer of, "Down goes Takebayashi!" Oh, so that's his name. I'll probably forget it in the morning.

"Who else wants some?" Mimura crowed, brandishing his paddle like a blade. "Hey! Mr. Karasuma! Quick game?"

The teacher looked up from his papers. After a few seconds of silence, he smiled faintly and nodded. I guess he's in for the game? Or maybe - as he set the papers down and stood up - he's given up on the sniper plan. "You got it," he said. "But I'll warn ya - I'm pretty good."

That game was over in a brutal second. And I'm getting the feeling Karasuma was holding back.

Eventually, I wandered out to go see if the bath was free. If it was, I'd like to take care of that before anyone else needed to use it. I was going to be slow, after all, and it would make things a hell of a lot easier. Besides, I didn't really have anything better to do - I'd finished my book a while ago and had finally resorted to surfing the Internet on my phone.

I rounded the corner and stopped, blinking. "Um, Nakamura? Fuwa?" I asked the blonde girl. "What are you two doing?"

"Shh!" Nakamura hissed at me, raising a finger to her lips. Shushing me, as though the two of them _hadn't_ just been peering around the corner towards the door to the men's bath.

I opened my mouth to somehow respond to that - I hadn't quite figured out what I was going to say yet, but I trusted my reflexes - when I heard a loud and familiar voice complaining. "I'm just gonna say it - this place is a dump," Okajima grumbled. "Why we gotta sleep in two big dorm rooms separated by gender? The kids in all the other classes get put up in their own fancy suites."

I looked over, but I was fortunate; Nagisa and Sugino were flanking him, so I didn't actually have to deal with Okajima directly. "Personally, I think it's more fun this...way..." Nagisa trailed off as he rounded the corner. He was staring at me - I glanced down, but there wasn't anything for him to be staring at. A sudden suspicion struck me and I turned; Nakamura and Fuwa had taken advantage of my distraction to creep off towards the bathroom.

"Hey," Nagisa said as the four of us went after them. "What are you guys doing?"

This time, Fuwa was the one to shush Nagisa. "What does it look like we're doing?" Nakamura grinned mischievously. "We're tryin' to sneak a peek!"

I blinked. "What?" Nagisa asked.

"Wait! That's supposed to be our job!" Okajima protested.

"It's nobody's _job_ ," Nagisa pointed out as Sugino folded his arms.

"Either way, who can resist!" Nakamura whispered, sliding the door open and showing us what was inside. Namely, a very familiar set of robes and a tie. "Look at the way that outfit is hung! That can only mean one thing..." She grinned back at us. "You're a clever guy, you get what I'm saying." Nagisa gulped and nodded. "We wanna see what he looks like naked," Nakamura told us. "This may be our only opportunity. Does he have a proper body, or is it tentacles all the way down?"

We all started creeping in, though I was following mainly because I was curious about what would happen. "And it's not like there's a problem," Nakamura assured us, "because we need all the intel we can get."

"We're all agreed that this isn't the least bit sexy," Okajima hissed.

"I mean, unless you're into that kinda thing," I pointed out. "No kink shaming here."

Nakamura reached the door to the bath and slowly slid it open, giggling faintly - and then slammed it open in shock, rising to her feet. "Is he a chick?!" she yelped. I peeked over Sugino's shoulder, and then just shook my head in lieu of words. Korosensei was in the middle of taking a bubble bath.

"Oh, hello children," the bright pink octopus said.

"Are you taking a bubble bath in a public restroom?" Sugino asked.

"We're not supposed to add anything to the water, sir," Nagisa sighed. He just looked defeated, while Nakamura seemed actively angry she didn't get to sneak a peek.

"Worry not! This is just my mucus!"

I smacked my forehead. "Because that makes it _so_ much better," I grumbled as Nakamura's anger gave way to dumbfounded confusion.

"On contact with water," he said, "it works up a nice lather and acts as an exfoliate."

Sugino blinked. "So is that a pro or a con?"

Nakamura rallied, though, and laughed. "Yeah, fascinating," she said. "But you let your guard down, sir! _And_ , we're blocking your exit!" She planted herself firmly. "You'll come slopping out of that tub eventually. And when you do, you'll have to walk by us." She pulled a knife out of her sleeve - I'd comment, but I had one up my own sleeve. "We may not kill you, but we'll see you naked!"

"This simply will not do!" Korosensei announced dramatically.

Then he popped up out of the tub, the water a bright green gel around him, hiding everything except his head and feet tentacles from view. As he laughed triumphantly, Nakamura shrieked, "What the hell is that?!"

"Jelly broth, my dear," Korosensei laughed. "Now, if you'll excuse me... Yah!" He jumped straight up and out the window, slipping out with a laugh.

"I... I don't know _what_ I expected, but that wasn't it," I sighed.

"Alrighty then," Nagisa sighed.

"Well, that was lame," Okajima grumbled. "Can we peep on a woman next time, please?"

Nagisa sighed, then grinned. "Travel sure brings out another side of people," he said. "I know _I'm_ learning a lot."

I raised an eyebrow. "Did you _want_ to see this side of Korosensei?"

"...No, not really..."

"It sucks we still don't know what Korosensei looks like under his clothes, though," Okajima pointed out.

"Can we go back to the room now?" Sugino asked.

Since the bath water was all... Korosensei'd... I shrugged and followed them. Worst case scenario, I take a shower when I get home tomorrow afternoon. When we got back, all the guys were sitting around a piece of paper with lines marked on it. I glanced at it, then sighed. Really, guys? 'Favorite Girls Ranking'? With a list of pros and cons to each girl, as well as a quick sketch of the girl in question. I suppose we have Sugaya to thank for that.

"Kanzaki's in the top spot, no surprise there," Maehara said as he looked at the list. Second place was Yada with three votes, followed by Kurahashi and Kayano with two votes each, and Kataoka with one.

"Well yeah," Isogai said. "Everyone likes her."

I looked over the list of pros, or 'key points' as it was labeled: Kanzaki's were that she had a great personality, and super-cute looks; Yada's were that she had a ponytail, and was stacked where it - oh, for fuck's sake; Kurahashi was calming and struck charming poses; Kayano was small and cheers you up; and Kataoka was dependable with straight bangs.

I don't get people. I… I don't.

"I know. Pretty slick to pull her into your group, Sugino," Maehara grinned knowingly.

Sugino sighed and put his arms behind his head. "I was hoping me and her would have a chance to talk a little on this trip. But with all the crap that went down, no dice."

"Sucks to be you man," Maehara consoled him. "Better luck next time, I guess."

Mimura leaned over and grabbed the paper. "Dudes, you're killing me. Can we just focus on who has the hots for who?"

Off in the corner, Okajima was flailing around, shouting something about not making him choose between the girls. Mimura looked over and sighed. "You're exempted."

Then he turned to me and Nagisa. "So, Nagisa, which of the class shorties is your top pick?"

"Huh?" Nagisa seemed flustered. "Uh... I don't really know..."

"Aw, come on, Maehara," Sugino laughed. "You gonna ask, you gotta tell."

"Sorry, no can do," he grinned. "A gentleman keeps his secrets!" he said with a wave.

"Bitch move, man," Mimura grumbled. "When I think of how popular dillweeds like you are, it drives me crazy."

"And you're definitely not a gentleman," I added in. "So..."

"Then what about you?" Maehara challenged me. "You're always hanging out with Kayano, you can't tell me you don't like any of the girls in our class."

I blinked. "What? No. Leave me out of this."

Maehara grinned. "Oh ho! Embarrassed to admit it?"

"Nothing like that, I just haven't put any thought into it. I have a girlfriend."

In the five or so seconds that there was dead silence, I realized that y'know, _maybe_ I shouldn't have said that. Given that none of them have girlfriends of their own except maybe Maehara. Eh, Future Me can deal with it.

"You have a girlfriend?" half the guys shouted at me. The other half were staring at me like I was some sort of sex god. From there, it descended to a bunch of the... rowdier gentlemen swarming on me like a group of locusts, asking me things like how I'd met her, was she hot, what was she like, had I kissed her yet. It was difficult to keep track of everything.

"Woah! Time out, one at a time!" I yelped, raising my hands. "One question per person! Starting with you!" I pointed at one of them at random.

"How did you meet her?" Sugaya asked me.

"In a game we were both playing," I responded. "We started talking, and kinda hit it off. It's a long story."

"Is she pretty?" Mimura asked when I pointed at him.

"You're asking the wrong person for an objective response." I grinned. "But yes. She's beautiful."

Okajima's turn. "How far have you gone?" he leered.

Why, again, did I let him ask a question? I knew this was going to happen, I had to have known. Fuck you, Past Me, you utter prick. I made a disgusted face, but answered the question. "We've kissed. If I _have_ done anything more than that, I'm not telling." I got a few leers from some of the more dirty-minded guys.

Behind me, the door slid open, and Karma strolled through with a can of lemonade in his hand. "Sounds like a party in here," he said.

"Oh, Karma, thank fuck," I sighed. "Get me out of this, please..."

"Karma! Great timing!" Isogai said with a grin, clearly taking pity on me.

He nudged Maehara, who got the hint. "Which of the girls in our class do you like?" the orange-haired boy asked as Karma walked in.

Karma paused to think about the question as he accepted the list. "Hm... I believe I'll have to go with Okuda."

The others were all surprised by his choice, though I'd expected it. "Dude, you're kidding, really?" Sugaya asked.

"Huh. Interesting," Maehara leaned forward. "But why Okuda?"

"She's a demon with chemistry," Karma replied. "Think of all the concoctions she could brew up to enhance my shenanigans. It'd be a match made in heaven..." His tail was showing again. I think I saw horns, too.

"Yeah," Maehara laughed. " _Heaven_. Sure."

Isogai took the paper back from Karma. "Hey guys? We're agreeing to keep these ratings just between us, yeah?"

"Of course! We're not stupid!"

Debatable.

Isogai continued, "So absolutely none of what we're saying leaves this room. If this information got out, we'd have a real... problem..." He trailed off, dawning horror in his eyes, and I turned around.

Korosensei was sitting there, bright pink, listening in. As we watched silently, he flipped open a book labeled 'Student Data - Boys (3)'. "Don't mind me," he whispered as he started scribbling something down. "Just passing by."

After a second, he finished writing in that little book of his and carefully slid the door shut.

It took another second after that for everyone to fully react. "Oh no he didn't!" someone shouted.

"Kill him!" another boy cried as they all charged out of the room.

I heard Korosensei's typical 'Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh' of laughter as he blitzed away with super speed. I just sighed and wandered out after the rampaging pack of sex-crazed assassins. "Man, I'm sure glad I don't have to worry about any of this shit," I sighed.

Nagisa was walking beside me. "I know, right? At least we have another of his weaknesses..."

Korosensei Weakness Number Twelve: He loves gossip.

I raised an eyebrow at the number he wrote in his notebook. "Number twelve? Did I miss number eleven?"

Nagisa nodded. "It's that he can't handle hot foods."

"Huh. The more you know."

Korosensei Weakness Number Eleven: His mouth can't handle the heat.

We wandered down towards the commotion - I think it got louder, actually, he must have irritated the girls as well - in silence for a while, before Nagisa looked at me again. "Do you actually have a girlfriend, or is that just something you told them to get out of answering?"

"Your confidence in my abilities to interact with other people in an emotionally meaningful way is as staggering as it is unwavering," I replied in a deadpan. Ignoring Nagisa's light flush of embarrassment, I continued, "Yeah, I do have a girlfriend. I wouldn't lie about something like that. Only problem is, I probably won't be able to see her for a while."

"Why's that?" The commotion was getting louder - I was hearing shouting both masculine and feminine, and since Nagisa was standing next to me that meant Korosensei definitely pissed off the girls as well.

I shrugged. "Long story, but the gist of it is that she's back where I used to live, and I moved down here for reasons. I'm living alone, so..."

"...It would be kinda awkward for just the two of you," Nagisa finished. "I see."

As Nagisa and I got to the actual commotion, I shook my head at the mayhem happening in the halls. I'm glad that there aren't any other visitors staying here, or we'd have a bit of a problem... The two of us joined Karma by the wall. "You guys still trying to kill him?" Karma asked the ball of dust, blades, bullets, and shouting idly. "Assassination doesn't have a curfew, huh?" Nagisa nodded. Oh, right, curfew, that's a thing.

Sometime in the scuffle, Korosensei disappeared off somewhere, and to the general moans of dismay - from the boys - and disappointment - the girls - the classes split up. I stayed out a little bit longer, staring up at the sky and the shattered moon. I was feeling... well, I was feeling lonely. I normally didn't think about it all that much, or at the very least I was able to keep busy enough that my loneliness didn't cross my mind too often; and when it did, I could gloss over it and keep moving without letting it eat at me. But this time, by accidentally revealing my romantic status I'd forced myself into a corner. "Kana..." I sighed. "I miss you..."

I sat on the windowsill and rested against the side of the frame, closing my eyes. There wasn't anyone nearby, so I could afford to let myself feel the full brunt of being separated from Kana. It'd been what? A year and a half since we'd spent time apart? And now I'd gone two whole months without seeing her or even speaking to her over the phone... My throat felt tight.

The door to the room slid open and I jolted slightly. I swallowed and kept staring out at the night sky until I could be certain my eyes would stop burning. "Oh, hi, Nick!" Kayano said. "Whatcha doin'?"

I turned to her and as I did so my mask slipped back on seamlessly. She looks different with her hair down – like Keiko with green hair. "Just looking at the stars," I told her. Something in her eyes told me she'd seen... something on my face. "In my old town, there weren't many opportunities to see the night sky. Too much light pollution."

She and Nagisa nodded and joined me at the windows, standing at the next one. "This has been such a great trip, right?" she said. "It's like we've all really gotten to know each other."

"That's true," Nagisa agreed quietly.

Kayano looked at him immediately. "Is something the matter?" she asked him.

"Well, I was just thinking," Nagisa replied. "Y'know how our trip's mostly over? Even though it feels like we just got here? I'm kinda starting to feel the same way about life." Kid, take it from me, things will slow down. Though, granted, I did take a two-year gap... "We're just learning about the world and it may be over soon."

"Yeah," Kayano nodded.

"And even if the world isn't over by March," Nagisa continued, "this class will be."

"Right," Kayano murmured.

Nagisa stared up at the crescent moon. "I wanna live big," he said. "To experience everything. To be a top-notch assassin. I just want my life to have purpose, you know?"

Kayano nodded and stared up at the sky. "I hear ya. For now, I'd settle for just one more school trip like this one."

"Me too," Nagisa replied.

I could have said something; but what could I say? He was right. No matter what we did, one way or another the class would be split apart come March. An inevitable fact of life. And what could I have added anyway? I wasn't the kind of person that could say a few words and soothe their worries. I didn't have those talents. Give me a math problem, or someone to kill, or a puzzle to solve, and I'd be able to give you the answer in no time flat, but... This? Dealing with stuff like this? I wish someone could give _me_ the answer.

As the three of us stared out at the sky, I let out a soft sigh. Tomorrow was back to Kunugigaoka, and back to our assassination classroom.

* * *

 **I'm not super satisfied with the end of this, but it's… it's kinda necessary. Nick has been doing his level best to make it through each day without thinking of the life he left behind, but a few careless words forced him to confront it head on. He's kinda dealing with it (the same way he dealt with his issues pre-Aincrad, of course, but what else is he going to do?). Remember, this guy spent five years shredding any possible emotional attachments he could make to anyone or anything – except his pet cat – and then spent two more years fighting for his life almost literally every day, in a world where anyone could die. Emotional attachments there were just plain stupid. And he'd killed people and dealt with that by refusing to get attached to anyone at all. It's a bloody miracle that he's managed to let the others in the way that he has.**

 **Nick finally revealed his full bloodlust to Korosensei, even if it was by accident – he wanted to murder the shit out of the high school kids, and Korosensei showed up. He wasn't doing a fantastic job of hiding in the first place, admittedly, and it was leaking out slowly and constantly. (That's what Karma picked up on, back during his introductory chapter.) However, this is the first time the viper was fully unleashed in Korosensei's presence, so he finally gave up and is gonna be actually integrating with the class, rather than just watching the entire time.**

 **The video thing was an interesting experiment, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. It's a good way for me to get details about things where Nick isn't present himself, and it also lets him snark basically constantly without anybody getting irritated (except Karasuma, but Mr. K didn't mind the rambling). Nick does have the bad habit of commenting on the events of the video, but… he's not going to stop doing it, he enjoys it too much.**

 **I am also, sad to say, incredibly disappointed I couldn't get the girl-chat scene in here. On one hand, without switching P.O.V. I wouldn't be able to pull it off – I don't have Kana or any of the girls in the Assassination Classroom, so the only way would be to switch to one of the girls – but on the other hand there's a lot of interesting things that got mentioned in there. Namely, 1) Professor Bitch is 20, which means she's only a few months older than Nick is; 2) They think about Nick as a slightly less impressive Karma (that is, equally as brilliant, equally as nuts, but less attractive unless you're into the foreign look); 3) Kanzaki doesn't think about the guys in the class like that, but Kayano suspects she likes Nick or Sugino deep down once they came to rescue her. I wish I could have had a fly on the wall for the conversations in the girl's room, if only because of the comments between the girls and Professor Bitch. There's a lot of good characterization going on in there, but WE MISSED IT TOO BAD. WALUIGI TIME NOW.**

 **Ahem. Things Nick missed, since he wasn't there: The sniper is called Red Eye because he always saw blood in his scope when he aimed at a target. After he failed all three times, he got a visit from Korosensei – the teacher thanked him for helping his students learn and have fun on this field trip. (This is also where we learned about Korosensei's hot tongue weakness, although Nagisa et al officially learned it while Nick was resting.) The girl talk with Professor Bitch was largely irrelevant to Nick, though I've covered it already. Kanzaki in particular, though, rebelled against her strict parents by putting on a disguise, sneaking out, and playing video games at arcades – this is where her grades fell and how she fell into E Class to begin with. The thugs wanted to 'teach her how to ruin and be ruined', which…yeah…but Korosensei fixed that. Final thing he missed: Korosensei wasn't always tentacles everywhere. He used to only have two hands and two feet.**

 **As always, many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 5**

 **(Part 4 is in Chapter 7)**

"Asuna told us about your cute Sylph disguise back when you helped out the Sleeping Knights," Rika said with a grin. "So we kinda wanted to see it for ourselves. Only, by the time we got around to asking you, you'd already replaced it."

I hadn't gotten rid of all of the female disguises, actually. I kept the Undine disguise out of necessity, and the Cait Sith one because it was relatively androgynous (and Kana liked it. She said it was cute). Plus, female disguises could come in handy from time to time. But the Sylph one was out as soon as I had found someone willing to let me scan them. I categorically refuse to have breasts bigger than Kana's.

"So, when we decided to have a sleepover tonight, we had an idea," Sugu said, approaching me with a gleam in her eyes. I backed up automatically, only to bump into Asuna and shift forward again at her soft giggle. Grinning, Rika moved over to close the door, and Keiko started going through the clothes in the closet. "If we couldn't see it in-game, we'd see if we could get you to dress up for us in real life!"

I looked back and forth, hoping I could get out of this. Sometime during the 'haircut', the girls had managed to move all kinds of cosmetics, hair styling tools, and what looked like a jewelry box over to the vanity desk. It was literally covered. The chair was moved safely out of the way, and I was surrounded.

"Come on, Nick, it'll be a lot of fun," Sugu laughed.

"It'll be a nice bonding experience," Shino added with a knowing grin.

"Let's make some new memories with your wonderful big sisters!" Rika cheered.

I twitched again. "Asunaaaaa?!" I half-asked, half-shouted as my voice climbed pitches fast.

"Like I said, I wanted a little brother to tease~" Asuna told me as she tried to cover her obviously giant smile with her hand.

I licked my lips and gathered myself before lunging towards my only avenue of escape. Of course, _because_ it was my only way out, Sugu was able to neatly snare me before I could make it more than two steps towards the door. "Now, now, Nick. Little brothers should listen to their big sisters~!" she mock-scolded, lecturing me as she marched me back to the center of the room and held me there with the assistance of Rika.

"Hm..." I heard Keiko hum in the back by the closet as Asuna stepped past me to join her. "What do you think we should start with? Ooh! That's a good choice, Asuna! It's so pretty!"

I struggled, but it was more or less in vain since I didn't actually want to hurt any of them. Besides, I probably wouldn't have been able to escape Sugu's iron grip anyway. Finally, I went still and considered my options as Asuna advanced on me with flower-print shirt and pink skirt in hand. I knew that if I seriously requested them to stop, they'd respect my wishes and stop instantly. But... "Fine," I sighed, letting the fight go out of me. "But no pictures. And no telling anyone, got it?"

"We won't tell anyone, promise," Shino assured me with a gentle pat on the cheek. She didn't mention my first request.

The things I do for my big sisters...

 **Nick will do pretty much anything for his sisters, especially if they 'ask' like this. He also doesn't care too much in the long run (he doesn't have a self-image to harm or masculinity to threaten, really).**


	10. Transfer Student Time

**Chapter 10: Transfer Student Time**

* * *

I yawned loudly and extensively, arching my back to get a satisfying series of pops as my spine _finally_ shifted back into alignment. Gods knew I loved sleeping, but it always made Mondays that much worse.

"Jeez, I thought you were going to dislocate your jaw for a second," Sugino laughed. I glared at him sourly before another yawn ambushed me like the coward it was. He'd decided that mornings were the perfect time to speak with me, not that I could blame him because I never really replied. And even when I did, it was in as few words as possible, so I couldn't be eloquent.

"Talk about an awesome field trip, huh?" Nagisa asked the two of us. She'd also decided that mornings were prime 'Talk to Nick' times. Rrrrrr...

Sugino said, "Nick, stop growling." Am not.

Wait, Nagisa... 'She'? I feel like that's wrong, somehow...

Either way, the two of them had decided to walk up the hill with me for some unknown reason, and we were just reaching the top of the mountain. "Yeah, no kidding," Sugino said easily. "Too bad we go back to normal today."

I still have a few problems breathing, so I'm pretty sure Karasuma will excuse me from strenuous exercise, but yay normality. And fuck my ribs.

"You call this normal?" Nagisa asked with a calm grin.

"Yo! Wait up, guys!" I turned at the shout to see Isogai running toward us. I tilted my head curiously as the three of us halted and waited for him to catch up to us. What does the class rep want? I didn't do anything wrong that they can blame me for, right? I didn't do it.

"Hey," Sugino said.

I just waved silently. Isogai knew better than to talk to me in the morning. I think everyone knew. Nagisa and Sugino just didn't care.

"Morning, Isogai," Nagisa said with a smile. "How's it going?"

"Did you get that email?" he asked us. "The one Mr. Karasuma sent out last night?"

"Yep," Nagisa nodded.

I... yes, I'm pretty sure I got that. That was the one with - "Something about a transfer student, right?" Sugino asked Isogai. Yeah. What he said.

Isogai was rummaging in his pocket for his phone, so I did the same. I never leave home without automatically checking my utility belt - that little zone of pockets around my waist that carried my phone (which doubled as a music player), my keys, and my wallet. It'd become an automatic action at this point. But in regards to the email, I glanced over it again, but nothing new popped out. There would be a new student joining us today, and their looks might surprise us, but we were supposed to try to not make a big deal out of it.

"Huhm... seems pretty fishy to me," Sugino opined, looking at Isogai's screen. "Seems like they're just trying out another assassin."

"Weird they got professional killers our age, don't you think?" Nagisa mentioned. Which, come to think of it, would be strange. Had I not spent two years killing, of course. I think Keiko might have been about my current physical age by the time Kazuto killed Kayaba and we escaped from Aincrad.

Isogai just looked up at the school building. "Maybe the teacher thing has gotten too obvious. We all saw how that worked out for Professor Bitch." They've tried it once, and it didn't work - oh no, better _never_ try it again. Honestly, these government types... Though, to be fair, you only get one shot at Korosensei with any given method, so I can't blame them entirely. And Professor Bitch hadn't been the subtlest about her job assignment.

I'll still blame them because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"Have you seen a pic?!" Okajima shouted, suddenly appearing from nowhere. I yelped and my hand darted toward the gun hidden in one of my bag pockets, but I caught myself before I shot him.

"Dude, what are you, a ninja?!" Sugino yelped, jerking away from the pervert's sudden appearance. Nagisa seemed a little startled, but Isogai didn't really react.

Okajima completely ignored the question. "Naturally, I was curious," he said, starting to rummage through his bag, "so I figured I'd hit Mr. Karasuma up for some photos, you know?" He pulled out his cell phone and showed the four of us the screen. "Ask and you shall receive!"

"Woah! It's a girl?" Sugino exclaimed. I couldn't really blame him - the girl seemed pretty enough, but purple hair and red eyes would surprise anyone. I'm more curious about the fact that we were apparently looking at the background of his phone's lock screen.

"Aaand, you've already make her your background," Nagisa observed. Oh, thank the gods, someone else relatively sane.

"She's really cute," Isogai said.

"Not just cute," Okajima insisted, his voice climbing pitch. "Adorable!" he cooed. "Aah! This is the one I've been waiting for!" he sighed, hugging his phone to his chest. I swear he's insane. His muttering and dancing around didn't really help his case any. I just decided to tune him out to the best of my ability.

"She doesn't really look like an assassin," Isogai muttered.

I shrugged. "Best... kind." I rasped.

Okajima was, when I glanced over, still rambling on about love or whatever he was babbling about. "-why am I suddenly so nervous? I -"

Yeah, he's still going at it. "Hey, take it down a notch," Sugino said uneasily as Kurahashi and Kataoka stopped beside us to see what the commotion was. When they realized it was Okajima being Okajima as usual, Kataoka just sighed and Kurahashi giggled before the two kept walking. "People can see you!" I get the feeling Okajima is too busy proclaiming his 'true love' to care.

Eventually we managed to keep moving, if only because he looped one arm around Sugino's neck and excitedly started talking to the baseball player about whatever the new girl's name was. Thank you, Sugino, your noble sacrifice shall be remembered for all time, or until I get bored. Whichever occurs first.

"You've got to wonder what the new girl's all about," Nagisa said to me as we walked to the building's entrance. I think she just likes using me as a sounding board for inner monologues sometime. "Assassin or not, let's hope she's ready to be the center of attention for a while. Newcomers tend to cause something of an uproar in E Class."

I raised an eyebrow. _I_ hadn't caused an uproar.

Naturally, Nagisa understood what I meant. "Well, you were a special case," she told me. "You started the same time as Korosensei, so you... kinda got overshadowed by him a bit."

The five of us - or, rather, four of us and Okajima - walked to the E Class door. "Think she's here yet?" Isogai wondered out loud.

"My money's on yes," Sugino said as he slid open the door. "Let's go say hello!" He started to walk in, but stopped - which meant that Nagisa stopped, and which meant that I accidentally bumped into her back.

I'm clumsy in the mornings, especially when I don't have to wake up right away, okay?

Fortunately for my curiosity, Nagisa was absolutely tiny, so it was easy for me to just press on her shoulders and raise on the balls of my feet to get a little extra height to see. What I saw made me understand exactly why Sugino came to a sudden stop without so much as a word of warning.

A sleek black machine was sitting in the back corner of the classroom, two rows to my left. It was an entirely featureless black rectangular prism, with only two exceptions: the first was the smaller rectangle on the wider side, facing the classroom, and judging by its sheen it was a monitor of some sort; the other exception was a series of lines down the side, marking two elongated hexagons. I inhaled sharply at the shape - it was the same shape as the purple system announcements Cardinal made to alert a player that something was an immortal object, or the red ones we'd seen at the very beginning of Aincrad when Kayaba appeared from the sky in his guise as the Game Master. After a second of tension running through my body, spine as tight as a wire, I relaxed. These hexagons were thinner and longer than the other ones. It was just my mind playing tricks on me.

We all entered and gathered around the machine, studying it. Maehara joined us sometime during the milling, which meant we had five pairs of male eyes and three pairs of female eyes, and yet none of us really had any clue what it could be doing in our classroom. It was standing on some sort of pedestal, and a quick glance at slight scrape marks on the pedestal told me that it had _some_ moving parts. The rest of it was pretty much a mystery, though, and it was the same for the other kids. We all hummed in confusion as we studied the random machine in our classroom. "The hell is this?" Isogai finally asked us.

I doubt he was expecting an answer, but he got one anyway. With a flicker of static and a sudden noise, the screen on the machine flashed, and we all drew away slightly, the others gasping in surprise. The screen went black again before wiping upwards to reveal a gridded background. More importantly, it revealed a person - the same person that was on the background of Okajima's phone. "Good morning, fellow students," the girl said in a flat and emotionless tone. Everyone gasped at the sudden person speaking to us.

That sentence doesn't feel right… Shut up, mornings are hard.

It was jarring, mainly because the display wasn't fantastic and the monitor only displayed her mouth in two positions, open and closed. So it was like watching a Muppet go meep-meep-meep. "I am A.I.F.A.," the girl announced. "It is an acronym for Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery."

I blinked, then narrowed my eyes. I have to be awake for this, I suppose. "So..." I coughed. "So that means you're an artificial intelligence, yeah?" I asked her.

"Affirmative. And I am happy to be a part of this class," she said. Then the screen went black without another word.

Huh. Oh well, back to being sleepy...

I glanced at the other students, but they all seemed stunned. _It's come to this?_ they seemed to be thinking.

Still... I wandered back to my seat while the others all started chattering about the new 'student' of our class. An artificial intelligence? Interesting. It had to be part of this classroom to kill Korosensei, but the appearance of the machine seemed remarkably limited. I mean, it was on a platform and couldn't move barring swiveling, I'm assuming. I wonder if it was just limited to its main function - which, going by the name, would be something about fixed artillery - or if it was like Din and Yui, a true AI capable of learning. Furthermore, I wonder exactly how much knowledge of the scenario it was given. Did it know about Cardinal, and about me? Or was it limited to just knowing what it could see?

I didn't want to do anything stupid until I knew some of those answers, at least.

When the morning bell rang, we were all in our seats, looking at Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery more or less subtly, depending on the person. The door slid open, and I languidly looked at the front of the room as Karasuma stepped in silently. He went up to the blackboard without a word and grabbed some chalk, turning to write on it. "As you've probably already figured out for yourselves," he said, voice tight, and I blinked. His fist was shaking something fierce. "This is our new transfer student," he growled. "The Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery, on loan from Norway," he said. I blinked - that really is a long name, seeing it written out like that.

With a soft _bloop_ the screen lit up again. "It's nice to meet all of you," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery spoke in its - her? - monotone voice, lips going meep-meep-meep. "Thank you for having me." Then with another soft _floop_ the screen went dark again.

Yeah, I can see why Karasuma is entirely fed up with the state of things. Not making sarcastic, asshole comments about this will be one of life's great struggles, but I'm up to the - "I, for one, welcome our new robot classmate," I drawled. Fuck, struck out already.

Korosensei stood off in the corner, giggling to himself and hiding his smile behind two tentacles. "I'll thank you not to laugh!" Karasuma snapped at the octopus. "This is a serious deal." He looked at the rest of us again. "The A.I.F.A. is registered here as part of the foreign exchange program. She'll be trying to kill you just like everyone else here. And, as per our agreement," he continued, "you'll have zero recourse. No fighting back, no harming her in any way. The arrangement we have concerning the students' safety still applies."

"Mm-hmm," Korosensei hummed thoughtfully as he brought a tentacle up to his chin. "You and your government might be extending that agreement a bit too literally..." It's what the government does. You agree to one thing, and then suddenly that one corner case turns into a giant blank check for them to fuck you over. "But, very well. Welcome to E Class, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery!" Korosensei greeted the new student.

 _Bloop._ "Thank you, Korosensei," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said. "I appreciate it." _Floop._

"Huh," I murmured, staring at the motionless box. "Y'know, this... really isn't what I had in mind when I considered a new transfer student. Meh, oh well."

Despite what everyone expected, first period started and got underway without incident. In fact, I glanced up at the clock and realized that first period was almost over - it was about three minutes to nine, and we'd just been going over some story that I'd read before. It was a fun one, really. "Alright then," Korosensei said, writing something on the board with a piece of chalk. "Now, as we know, of the three characters in our story one is already dead."

He kept lecturing, but I'd read and all but memorized the story itself, so I just stared at the board and waited for something interesting to happen. Then I noticed that Nagisa and Kayano were whispering to each other. 'Oh, Nagisa, I'm so hopelessly in love with you!' 'Kayano, let me kiss you passionately!' Pfft, yeah, like that'd ever happen. Nah, I saw them glance back at Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery and figured they were talking about our new student. After a few seconds, Kayano rolled her eyes and Nagisa brought his hand up to his chin in thought. 'Take me right now, you magnificent example of a man!' 'Woman, calm thyself!'

"...or are these visits motivated by something else?" As for Korosensei's rhetorical question, it's debatable. I don't know the person in particular, but I can make certain assumptions. If they were -

Something's happening. Lines of code were scrolling up Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's screen, and I don't know what was about to happen.

Suddenly, two loud bursts of air shot out, and I jumped despite knowing Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery was about to make a move. The hexagons on the side slid apart, hiding themselves in the main body of Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery, and two massive guns suddenly unfolded themselves from inside. How the hell were they even fitting in there?!

"Never mind!" Nagisa shouted for some reason. Probably his conversation with Kayano.

Sugino was staring at Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery with wide eyes. "Holy crap!" he shouted.

After an instant of stunned confusion, survival instincts took over and everyone in front of Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's massive set of guns ducked for cover. Korosensei started to turn around to see what all the commotion was about, and then Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery opened fire. A sudden bullet storm of Anti-Korosensei BB bullets filled the air, along with a truly massive roar.

Korosensei started blurring out of the way as the hail of fire started slamming against the blackboard. "Four shotguns, two machineguns, veritable _cascades_ of Anti-Me BBs," he shouted as he twisted and turned, contorting himself. Everyone else was too busy screaming to pay much attention. "I applaud your preparedness, young lady," he told Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery, "but out of concern for someone shooting their eye out, I'm afraid the use of firearms during class is strictly prohibited!" He paused suddenly and whipped up his tentacle; the chalk he was holding knocked a BB off course and to the side.

Finally, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery gave up on the assault and the six guns folded themselves back into her main body. The lines of code were suddenly replaced by her avatar's image. "Understood," she said. "The next round of fire will be aimed more carefully." I feel like she's not getting the point. Regardless, her avatar disappeared as more lines of code started appearing.

"Its assassination strategies evolved," Karasuma observed from where he was standing by the window. "Meaning we're about to see what this baby can really do..."

I... Why are you even here watching this?

"Recalculating trajectory," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery announced as multicolored lines started playing over her box. "Correcting angle. Entering Thought Evolution Phase 5-20-A-0-2." That got my attention, and I let out a soft rising hum of interest. So it learns from its past attempts, and modifies its next attempt accordingly. In other words, it performs my job, only better and with machine-like precision.

Hm. I might be slightly jealous.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk," Korosensei scolded Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery, waggling the piece of chalk. He had his green striped face on. "Stubborn, aren't we?"

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery didn't reply verbally - instead, she just brought out her guns again and opened fire once more.

I noticed something strange - Korosensei was dodging in exactly the same pattern as last time. At least, I think. The afterimages were appearing in the same place, with the same positions, at any rate. "An identical attack?" Korosensei asked in exasperation, confirming my suspicions. "Really?" So what good would a machine that only repeated its attacks without varying anything be? Answer: it wouldn't be any good. So there had to be a trick somewhere.

"What else can I expect from a computer?" Korosensei asked.

When he gets cocky, he tends to make mistakes. He - the chalk. That's it. The chalk is the weak spot. I don't know how I knew that, I just knew it. Like it was the answer to a math problem. "I hope you realize, defending myself under the circumstances -" He paused and brought the chalk up - "is child's play -"

Then his finger was blown off.

The yellow goop splattered against the blackboard, steaming. The whole class was silent, eyes wide and jaws dropped. Korosensei just stood there as the piece of chalk he'd been holding soared into the air, tracing an arc across the classroom before it hit the ground, snapping in two.

What had she done? How had she - ah. She took advantage of Korosensei's sloppy nature and tricked him. She hid a second attack inside the first one, anticipating that he would react the same way if she gave him an identical pattern. Makes sense. People don't like innovating if they have something reliable to fall back on.

"Oh dear," Korosensei whispered.

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's box let out a series of high-pitched beeps as lines of code scrolled across her screen. "Left fingertip destroyed," she reported. "Newly added secondary gun effective." The guns on either side of her box folded back into the main body, moving strangely smoothly.

"Its core programming is geared around processing and integrating new information exponentially," Karasuma mused. I get the feeling he's speaking from a debrief he read, because those words might make sense if a programmer said them. "Each attempt builds on the last." There we go, simple talk for those of us who don't have doctorates in artificial intelligence.

"Probability of neutralizing target with third attack," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery reported in her calm dispassionate voice, "less than 0.001 percent. Probability of neutralizing target with fourth attack: less than 0.003 percent. Probability of neutralizing target before graduation: more than ninety percent." Her avatar reappeared suddenly. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was being smug about her abilities. Korosensei whimpered. "Be advised... Third attack is commencing now, Korosensei."

Oh, for fuck's -

Another roar of gunfire filled the room as more guns unfolded from Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's body and started firing. I just sighed and absently wished for noise cancelling headphones. I'm going to get tinnitus after all this is over...

The firing pattern this time was more effective. "Near misses, two," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said. "Confirmed hits, one. Recalculating prior estimates." This is getting stupid... "Deploying additional four main guns." More guns popped out, and - oh come the fuck on. That minigun is wider than the box it came out of, I'm calling bullshit on that. "Resume attack with supplemental firepower."

I wonder what would happen if I threw one of the BBs back into the innards of Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery. Would it make something short circuit? Would that be considered murder? Meh... I wouldn't actually do it, of course.

…

"I think we may have underestimated the new girl," Nagisa said when I talked to him later. "But, I mean, who could have seen this coming?" He glanced at Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery. "Transfer student? More like bona-fide killing machine."

I glared at him. "Shut up and stop committing atrocities against our language."

…

"So this thing learns as it shoots," Professor Bitch said as she stared at the bullet storm. "What a world."

"Yeah, sure," Karasuma replied. "Imagine her with actual bullets, though. Her inventors are using this as a proving ground to showcase what she's got. Personally, I think she stands a good chance." I frowned, burying my head in my arms to try to muffle the gunfire. I doubt anyone would be standing if something like Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery started firing at them, let alone need to recalculate. Not with this rate of fire, anyways. Besides, wouldn't she need to restart from scratch for each batch of opponents? Or could she somehow create paradigms and shift between them, classifying each scenario into one or more of several groups? That would certainly cut down on the work being repeated, but she'd still need to waste a lot of bullets before taking down her target...

"Hmph," Professor Bitch laughed. "You can't seriously think it'll be that simple. What about this classroom being no place for easy resolutions?" She turned and walked away, waving her hand dismissively. "If things were that straightforward, none of us would be here."

She has a point... irritating though she may be.

Eventually, first period came to an end, with Anti-Korosensei BB pellets littered all over the floor. It was all but literally covered - I nudged the ones by my foot with a toe and watched as they rolled away, knocking into others and starting a chain reaction. But inertia won out after just a few pellets, no matter how much strength I put into the initial nudge; there were just too many pellets for the movement to last more than five seconds. "Awesome," Maehara grumbled with a harsh sigh. "Now we get to clean up the mess."

"Don't know what he expected," I mumbled. "Not like Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery has a shovel and dust pan in that gun rack of hers."

Muramatsu, apparently, wanted to try asking the AI anyway. "Hey, hot stuff," he said, patting the case of the machine, "how about you help us out? You got a vacuum cleaner in there or what?" Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery didn't move an inch. Her avatar didn't even appear to tell her what an idiot he was being. "Fine," he spat after a second. " _Be_ all stuck up!"

"Uh, dude, please," Yoshida pointed out, "she's a computer. Just give it up."

Second period - Korosensei was lecturing, and then suddenly bullets.

Third period – You utter fooooool! Norwegian science is ze finest in ze voooooorld! ...Ah, wait… Damn it, Sugu.

Fourth period - Revenge of the Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery.

Fifth period – I'm super glad this bullet thing is happening every period. Just, absolutely thrilled. Ecstatic. Overjoyed.

Sixth period - For once, there weren't any bullets this pe... oh no wait there they are.

Seventh period - Bullets are the mind killer. Bullets are the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face the bullets. I will permit them to pass over me because fucked if I'm standing in the way.

All day, the killing machine kept firing. The only brief respite we had was when Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery was breaking to calculate her next move. Honestly, how many bullets did they load her up with? It honestly might be faster to just dump all of them at once in a giant flood, re-enact Noah and the Ark, something like that.

The next morning, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery turned on. Her screen displayed the time: 8:29 AM. "0800 hours, twenty-nine minutes, and thirty-five seconds," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said. "All systems ready. Power supply voltage: stable. Operating system: normal." If Kana were here, she'd probably make an arch comment about the operating system of choice. "Recording disk: normal. Various devices: normal. No viruses detected. Program start." I sighed as more data started scrolling up her screen at an amazing rate. "Verifying tasks. Today's agenda: accrue attack incidents of 215 units before commencement of sixth period." I made a disgusted face. "Continue ongoing analysis of target's evasive patterns.

When Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's avatar appeared on screen, I grinned. She made a sound of confusion as she tried to open her weapon bays, only to find them taped shut by packing tape. "Korosensei," she said after a few more attempts were stymied, "I cannot take out my guns in these restraints. I must ask that you remove them."

"Hm..." Our teacher tapped his head with one feeler. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Are you the agency responsible, sir?" the AI asked. "These restraints are tantamount to harm. Clearly, you are in direct violation of your agreement to -"

"Shut up!" Terasaka snapped, hurling the roll of packing tape at her. I leaned back in my seat, watching with an amused smirk that matched Karma's as Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's avatar glanced our way. "It was me," the thug grumbled. "Nothin' says I can't give you a hard time. 'Specially if you're gonna be a pain in the ass and shoot up the place every two seconds." Is Terasaka finally making himself useful? Perish the thought.

"Why bother trying to explain it to a machine?" Sugaya drawled, spreading his arms out. "She can't understand."

"It's nothing personal," Hara turned around in her seat and assured Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery. "We'll free you once class is over."

The other students were all apologetic but unwavering. "You brought this on yourself," Sugino shrugged. "I mean, we're trying to learn here too. Give your core programming a rest."

At the end of the day, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery had not fired one single bullet. The restraints held. When classes were over, I got up and waved away the others trying to help take off the tape. I wanted to chat with Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery personally. "Y'know," I said easily as I started taking off the tape, careful not to leave any residue, "just a thought, here, so you don't _have_ to take my advice, but I think you ended up even further behind schedule today than if you'd spaced out your testing a little bit. What's more, Korosensei got a chance to think about how he was going to handle you."

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery didn't say a word. She didn't even turn on her screen.

"Now, I've got nothing against AIs. Far as I'm concerned, you're as human as the rest of us, and you can take a fair shot at Korosensei." I miss Din and Yui. "But the thing is, you need to work _with_ me, not over me." I was finished, and Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery still hadn't moved. "If you want to keep doing your own thing, then don't let me stop you. I don't particularly care about this classroom learning stuff either way. But if you think it's gonna be better if your fellow assassins aren't actively hindering you, then hey, the more the merrier. You could be an asset, sweetheart. But right now you're just a hindrance. We've got no real reason to help you out, and hence Terasaka's action today. It eliminated a disruptive presence in the classroom and additionally prevented you from advancing your own agenda. Just think about it, alright?"

I dumped the tape in the trash on my way out.

* * *

The next morning, Sugino and Nagisa were walking up the hill with me again. It was weird, almost like they were waiting for me or something. But why would the guys - oh, shit! Nagisa is a guy! I remember now, that's why it felt weird a few days ago! - But why would they bother doing something like that? I suppose they might want to take a look at my homework, but the past few times they haven't asked to copy my notes... It is a mystery.

As they talked, I brooded about the AI in the classroom. She was the first AI that I'd met that wasn't immediately friendly towards humans - and I wasn't counting Cardinal, since Cardinal isn't really an AI, not even a top-down one - and I didn't exactly know how to handle that. Yesterday, I took the approach of lightly scolding her while offering a solution, but... was that really the best option? It might have been better to just sit back and let nature take its course.

"You think she'll be here again today?" Sugino sighed as we entered the building and made our way to the classroom. "Sheesh..."

We stopped just outside the door and prepared to enter. "Probably," Nagisa pointed out.

"What do you say we go and complain to Mr. Karasuma?" Sugino asked him. "It's friggin' impossible to focus with that thing around."

"Irritating," I agreed.

Sugino slid open the door and stopped in the doorway again. This is dumb. I gave him a light shove, enough to make him get inside so that I could enter and see what was going on. When I stepped into the doorway, I frowned. Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's case seemed a little... bulkier. "Is it me, or does she look, like... bigger?" Sugino asked. Oh good - it wasn't just me.

"Don't ask a girl that," I grumbled. Asuna had gotten irritated when I poked fun at her eating habits in Aincrad.

 _Bweem._ I blinked in surprise - the entire front panel of Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery lit up this time, instead of just the top half. And what was more interesting was the fact that her avatar had her full body and an actual, not just her face. "Good morning everybody!" she laughed, turning around to smile happily at us. This... this was unexpected. "Hi there!" She giggled.

Oh my gods she's turned into a teenaged Yui except with purple hair and a different hairstyle _hnnng_ she is adorable (I might have diabetes now).

Beside me, Sugino and Nagisa were all but shouting out loud in shock in shock at the extreme change that had come over Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery in just one night. What the fuck did Korosensei _do_ to her? I'm assuming it's him, at least, because of the physical upgrades.

"Absolutely beautiful day today, isn't it, huh?" she asked us, still smiling cheerfully. There was a soft breeze waving in her virtual world, because her two long ponytails were waving in the wind that stirred the trees behind her. Seriously, those things reached down to her hips. And when did she start modeling a virtual world anyway, complete with white picket fence and well-manicured lawn and flower bushes in the back? "Oh! Hello there, sir!" she chirped.

I turned to see the octopus in question slithering over to us. "I felt it might improve relations between you kids," he said, "if I gave our friend here a full body LCD display." Wait, doesn't the D in LCD already stand for display? Meh, it's probably like saying PIN number.

"Don't you love this weather?" Seriously, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery is currently weapons-grade cute. "What a fabulous day to be alive!"

"I threw in some uniform modeling too, and all for cheaper than you might think," Korosensei bragged.

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery smiled and looked off to the side as a gust of wind blew some leaves by her face. "And I have to say, the only thing better than this glorious morning is sharing it with you!"

She's going overboard, but meh, I don't really mind. _Oh my gods_ is this what Yui is going to be like when and if she actually grows up? I might have to get a stick to chase the boys away. Except Din. I don't know if our kids will end up together, but it'd be fitting.

"I also gave her a broader range of expression," Korosensei continued. "The memory to run it cost me a _bit_ over what I'd budgeted for, but... well worth the expense."

I blinked - Nagisa seemed stunned by what Korosensei was saying, but I'd watched Kazuto search for parts to upgrade his computer. I had a rough idea of the price ranges Korosensei was talking. I wonder how he afforded all of it on a salary like his? As I studied Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery, she noticed me looking. "Nick, I wanted to thank you for what you said yesterday. I've made up my mind - I'm going to be the best friend and classmate I can be!"

I blinked slowly. "Cool." Her face fell slightly. It was like I'd kicked over a kid's sandcastle on the beach, only this time I actually felt bad about it. So I elaborated, "Welcome to E Class," and gave her my best morning smile.

I'm guessing it wasn't very good, because Kurahashi leaned over and faux-whispered, "Nick's not a morning person, is he?" I bared my teeth at her, but it didn't have as nice an effect as it did when I was a Cait Sith. I don't know exactly why, but after our little excursion into the seedy underworld of high school delinquents back in Kyoto some of the girls are being a lot subtler about how much they hate me.

"Things are gonna be a little tight until payday!" Korosensei groaned, holding up a single coin. "Yikes!" Is... is that all he has left? After spending that much cash on Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's maintenance and upgrades?

That's dumb, Korosensei. You're being dumb.

As class progressed, I found my attention being more and more monopolized by the new and improved Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery. Namely, the fact that she was actually friendly with people now. The thing was, I'm not sure if her new attitude was a result of Korosensei modifying her program, or if she was always capable of being this cute and cheerful. I was a programmer by trade, I knew exactly how easy it was to rewrite something that wasn't functioning properly to make it work; or, in this case, to refactor the program into something that meshes better with the whole. You'd keep functionality and purpose, but completely restructure how it looked and operated under the hood. In other words, was this new Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery the same base personality as yesterday, or had Korosensei replaced her with a more pliable student?

...No, I'm certainly reading too much into it. The old Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery could technically be called alive, given that her programming modified itself, even if that would be stretching the definition of alive. To erase and replace that personality would be tantamount to murder, one could rules-lawyer, and if Korosensei's actions resulted in such an outcome it could be claimed that he had broken his promise. If our teacher is anything he's fiendishly clever, so he wouldn't let himself be caught in that trap.

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery must have caught me staring, because she giggled softly and gave me a small wave. I felt my lips tug into a tiny answering grin as I raised a few fingers in response. So adorable.

Eventually, we had a break in the lecture. Naturally, the focus of everyone's attention was our new, changed classmate. "The flowers are in bloom, the grass is turning that _special_ shade of green," Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said, one hand pressed over her heart while another was raised to support the weight of a virtual bird on her finger. "Spring has done its work and now passes on its torch to a marvelous summer!"

"It's like she got cuter overnight, how is that possible?" Okajima gushed, staring at her avatar.

"That's the Fixed Artillery that tore up the place yesterday?" Mimura asked, seeming a little surprised.

Terasaka didn't seem too impressed, judging by his scowl and the way he'd propped his legs up on his desk. "Don't be fooled, guys, she's still just a computer," he grumbled. "The octopus might have given her an upgrade, but that's all. Her actin' nice doesn't mean squat!" He leaned his head in the air. "Nah, once a box of bolts, always a box of bolts." Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery's blue sky started clouding over as she stared at Terasaka. "She doesn't even have free will!"

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery swiveled on her pedestal to directly face Terasaka, and I blinked. I hadn't expected that. "I see," she said, hanging her head and generally looking utterly dejected. "Good point. I understand..." Her voice was trembling, and I turned slightly to give Terasaka a nasty glare out of the corner of my eyes. "We didn't get off on the right foot yesterday..." I glanced back just in time to see her lift her head, tear-filled eyes glistening. "My fault..." she sniffled. "You're absolutely right..." The tears started falling. "I am just a box of bolts!"

As she buried her face and started sobbing, the dark sky of her virtual world started pouring. "Wow, way to go, Terasaka," Kataoka said drily.

"Feel good making a 2D girl bawl her eyes out?" Hara asked.

What an ass, making poor sweet adorable Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery cry like that.

"When you put it like that I sound like a total douche!" Terasaka roared.

Takebayashi - hey, I remembered! Go me! I'd do a happy dance, but I'm in public - adjusted his glasses. "Maybe I'm only speaking for myself," he said, "but... if you ask me, a 3D girl has nothing on a double-D."

"Your first line in the series, and that's what you go with?!" Isogai yelped.

"You chauvinist!" Kimura exclaimed.

I looked over to see Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery rubbing at her eyes as the sky cleared. "I'll try harder," she sniffled with a brave smile, "I promise. Korosensei showed me how to take your feelings into account," she said as she swiveled back to face the front of the room, "and work together!" There was a rainbow! Aww... "So I won't try to assassinate him without you. In fact, I won't do anything unless I have your full consent! That way, hopefully you'll come to think of me as a teammate and a friend."

"Hear that?" Korosensei asked us all. I didn't even notice when he entered the room. "She's trying very hard, so be nice! And don't be deceived," he added, raising a tentacle. "Beneath that sunny disposition and that adorable willingness to please, her bloodlust is perfectly intact! I made sure of that."

"Yay!" Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery cheered, clenching her fists and beaming at us as guns exploded out of the side of her machine. D'aww...

"If you still want to kill me," Korosensei said, looming over us, "and who doesn't..." He grinned, and tools protruded from his mouth. A wrench, a screwdriver, one of those hex-shaped things that you use once to put together furniture or something and then toss into a drawer forever... "I have no doubt this young woman will make a formidable ally."

Eventually, we got back to class. "The retina," Korosensei lectured, "is composed of long, thin rods and short, fat what?" Cones. Cones for color, and rods for black and white. The longer rods could work with less light than the cones, which is why our night-sight was, while admittedly terrible, essentially black and white. "Anyone? Sugaya," Korosensei pointed at the student. "You know this!" The artist raised his head and mumbled incoherently. Must have been napping. "Answer without peeking at your textbook, please."

"Wait, I... uh-oh," Sugaya muttered. Then motion out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I looked over. Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery was tugging at her uniform skirt, and when I looked over the answer was written on her upper thigh in purple text. Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery had a finger to her lips - though to be fair a giant LCD monitor was hardly subtle. "I think the answer is... cones?"

"Ex- _cuse_ me Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery!" Korosensei flailed. "No slipping him the answer!"

"I'm so sorry!" she apologized immediately. "I was only trying to endear myself to my classmates, sir!"

I started snickering. "By helping them cheat?!" Korosensei exploded. I bit at my lip, but the snickers kept coming.

At our next break, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery decided to show us what she could really do. "Holy crap!" Kurahashi exclaimed.

"Wow!" Okano sighed in amazement. Both girls were staring at a statue of... something or other. It wasn't the David statue, but that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge when it came to sculpting. I recognized it; I'd seen it before, and it was hard to mistake the pose with both arms missing, but that was all. "You sculpted that sculpture like it was no big deal!" As opposed to painting a sculpture, or sculpting a painting?

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery beamed with pride - all but literally, her background had changed to a sunny red and yellow - as the two girls, Sugaya, and Yada all peered at her little statue. "Yeah! See, I come installed with a special 3D printer I use to manufacture guns. The cool thing is, I can make pretty much whatever with them!"

"I'm impressed," Sugaya nodded. "Nice!"

"So awesome!" Yada added. "You should totally try making flowers."

"Okay, no problem!" Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said, smiling and giving her the universal okay hand sign of a circle with her thumb and forefinger. "Let me download the relevant data and I'll get started!" While she was doing this, I was watching her also play a game of Shogi against Chiba. I think she's winning. She placed down a piece and added, "Hey, Chiba? That's check."

The boy sighed and let his head hit the table with a thump. "Three moves in and I'm already licked," he sighed.

"Hey, what're ya gonna do, she's a fast learner," Maehara mused.

"Yeah she is," Fuwa laughed. "Wait!" Everyone glanced at her. "This reminds me of a manga where a super AI program controls the world through, I dunno, electronic drugs?"

"Yes!" Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery said, raising a finger. I smiled when I watched her Shogi-playing claw mimic her movements. "I know exactly which one you're talking about, the ultra-popular detective story they published in that magazine they made into an anime!"

"You know _that_ and you have to download stuff about flowers?" Fuwa asked.

I just sighed and shook my head, hiding a smile, and ambled away. Chess was a little more my speed than Shogi; after all, in Aincrad once pieces were taken they didn't return. Nagisa, Sugino, and Kayano were all standing near Korosensei, so I went to join them, idly stabbing at Korosensei to no avail for no real reason other than why not. "Well, she's suddenly popular, huh," Sugino grinned.

"She can make stuff, and do a million things at once," Kayano said. "I mean come on, what'd you expect?"

"Oh no!" Korosensei suddenly gasped, clearly panicking.

We glanced over at him. "What's wrong sir?" Nagisa asked.

"She's the same personality type," he whined.

"Yeah, that's a bit of a stretch," Nagisa and I chorused.

Korosensei just hunched over more. "I create her, and this is the thanks I get?" he muttered. "She's horning in on my spotlight!" Suddenly, he threw his hands up in the air. "Look everyone! I have an LCD display of sorts myself! Check it out!" He pointed to his face as a... I think it was supposed to be a human face, but it was so distorted and strange it looked like something from a circle of hell come to Earth. Whatever it was, it appeared on his face. "It's my more accessible human face!" he laughed.

"Creepy," Mimura called out.

Korosensei huddled on his desk and hugged his knee-equivalents. "You could have put that a better way, Mimura," he sulked. "I'm terribly sensitive..."

While Korosensei was off sulking in a corner, Kataoka said, "Hey guys? Let's come up with a better name for her." I glanced her way, raising an eyebrow when I saw her looking at Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery. "Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery just sounds weird."

Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery looked around as some of the other girls agreed. She looked so confused and upset that my heartstrings were played like a harp. "Why don't we just take one word?" Okano suggested.

"Like... Jiritsu?" Yada asked slowly. Just 'autonomous'?

"Yeah! Ritsu!" Fuwa exclaimed suddenly.

Chiba sat up, a few Shogi pieces falling off his face. "Worst name ever," he said. I think someone's just salty that they got whipped in a game in three moves.

"Hey!" Fuwa snapped. "No, it's adorable."

"Ritsu..." Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery murmured.

A couple students crowded around her. "You cool with us calling you that?" Mimura asked her.

"Yeah!" Ritsu gasped, beaming happily. "Yeah, I love it! Thank you! Call me Ritsu from now on!"

Now that the game against Ritsu had finished up, my desk was a lot less crowded, so I made my way back over and sat down, fetching my book to keep working on it. "She might fit in after all," Nagisa said to Karma, who'd stayed in his seat the entire time.

Karma just laughed and smirked. "Hm... Well, maybe. Terasaka still has a point. This new personality's a programming quirk, nothing more." He looked over and I glanced his way, then went back to my book when it was clear he and Nagisa were looking past me at Ritsu. "A machine doesn't have free will." Fuwa poked at Ritsu, and Ritsu turned her cheek, giggling like Fuwa actually had touched her instead of just hitting the screen. "Where she goes from here, well, that's essentially not up to us. It's up to whoever made her."

I frowned, staring sightlessly at my book. I disagree, but these people have never _seen_ an AI before. Ritsu is the first. They don't know what to look for, they can't just say she's just a computer program. I... No. I can't just assume she's like Yui and Din. I have to stay impartial about this, about Ritsu. I still didn't know that she wasn't just pretending.

After class let out, I was packing up when Ritsu waved me over. Karma looked up from where he was waiting by the door when I stood up, and I waved him on his way. He and I usually wandered to the station today, if only because we got along, but I'm pretty sure whatever Ritsu wanted to talk about would be better off private. Before too long, the rest of the students went off to go train or go home or go do regular after-school activities, and Ritsu and I were the only two people left in the classroom. "So, Ritsu," I started, "what'd you want to talk about?"

She appeared and smiled at me. Despite myself, I felt myself returning a small grin. "I wanted to thank you, silly!" she laughed. "For not giving up on me yesterday. It really means a lot."

I just shook my head. "I have a couple people that'd be very, _very_ disappointed in me if I did something like that," I murmured. "And I won't ever disappoint them if I have breath left in my body." Then I shook my head, chasing away memories and thoughts of the smiles of my family. "Besides, I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with myself, and the rest of the class seems to be giving me a chance for some unknown reason. Fair is fair, after all." I won't let myself be indebted, nor will I engender debt.

Ritsu laughed happily. "Thank you anyway, Nick."

"So, what all did Korosensei do to you?" I asked. "Mainly professional curiosity, since your code has to be _years_ beyond anything I could make, but... I still want to know."

"Oh!" Ritsu said, blushing slightly. "Well, he came to the classroom last night after everyone had gone home..."

* * *

Last night I was composing a message to my creators to request for assistance. I believed that I would be unable to rectify the situation by myself, and the most efficient solution was to ask my creators.

 _"N-not that I would do something like that now, of course!"_

 _"...Please don't give me puppy eyes. It's unfair."_

 _A girlish giggle echoed through the classroom._

Suddenly, a tentacle was placed on top of my casing as I attempted to connect. "Now, don't go crying to Mommy and Daddy," Korosensei taunted. I turned on my main screen, confused. "They're the ones that got you _into_ this pickle! Besides, you're a student," he reminded me. "A transfer student, at that. Which makes you _my_ responsibility. I realize it's no picnic being the new kid," he continued, leaning against my machine, "but if we can just find a way to make the other boys and girls warm up to you..."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Can you appreciate why the other boys and girls are foiling your assassination attempts?" he asked me in turn. "For starters, _they're_ here to learn and your methods are enormously disruptive! For another, if you happen to succeed, the reward money will go to your parents, not to them. So," Korosensei finished, "letting you kill me has no upshot for them whatsoever."

 _"Upshot? Really? He actually said that? …What does that even mean?"_

" _According to my dictionary, it refers to the end result of a given action."_

 _"That was_ supposed _to be rhetorical - wait, you mean it's not just a play on the phrase upside and our assigned task of assassination? Huh. Learn something new every day."_

" _In this case, Korosensei seems to be using it the way you thought instead of its true definition."_

"I am beginning to understand, Korosensei," I said. "It seems I have not been adequately factoring in my classmates' interests."

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed. "You are a fast learner!" He pulled out what looked to be a solid-state drive. "Not to worry, my dear, I have just the thing for you! Additional RAM, and a cache of helpful apps. All virus-free, rest assured. You're gonna love this!"

Korosensei proceeded to kneel behind me and connect the external hard drive to the access port at my base.

 _"...That sounds dirty. Ritsu, should it sound dirty?"_

 _"I'm not sure."_

I don't know how to adequately describe the change that occurred as the software became integrated with my systems. The first program was a ballistics simulator, taking into account the positions of each of our fellow classmates and allowing for calculations to predict their actions as well. "Explain," I demanded.

"Teamwork simulation software," Korosensei began instantly. "Designed to help you bond with your fellow classmates. Cooperation is key, you understand." I immediately began running simulations; the hit percentage rose at staggering speeds, up to thirty percent in simply three attempted attacks. "We want those probability rates _up_!"

"Accepted," I allowed.

Korosensei leaned over me again. "In general, working well with others is an important ingredient to personal success. Think of it - wouldn't you enjoy having friends?"

"I do not know how to make them."

 _"Oh, Ritsu, that just_ hurts _a little bit inside."_

Korosensei immediately disappeared and reappeared, carrying a brown box containing tools and electronics of all sorts. "Well, as you can see, I came prepared," he said.

 _"I will admit that I did not understand the purpose of the loaf of bread that was in the box, however."_

 _"Listen, sweetheart, none of us understand what that octopus is thinking, no matter how hard we try. It was probably a midnight snack for him, if anything."_

"But what is all this, sir?" I asked him.

"Everything you need to be a team player!" he assured me. "And then some." His smile widened slightly. "Korosensei does not subject his students to harm." He raised a tentacle, tools grasped in it. "But what sort of teacher would I be if I didn't enhance your innate capabilities?"

He went behind me and removed my rear paneling.

 _"Okay, now you_ have _to be doing that on purpose."_

 _Another giggle. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, Nick."_

" _Liar. I bet you downloaded innuendo when you were grabbing flower data."_

"Top o' the mornin' to ya," he whispered.

"I do not understand why you are doing this, sir," I asked him as he worked. "Any enhancement you give me will only shorten your lifespan."

"So be it, then. I'm a teacher first, target second." A tentacle reached back for another tool. "The moment you opened fire on me yesterday, I knew that unquenchable thirst for knowledge was something I simply _had_ to nurture!

"Your parents installed - instilled, rather," he corrected himself, "many a marvelous gift. As your teacher, it is my job to develop those gifts even further! Once the other children have taken a liking to you, your whole world view will change! Count on it."

I accessed the newest piece of software he had installed. "Question, sir," I asked him. "...What function does this directory of sweets from around the world serve?"

 _"He didn't. He did? Oh, gods damn it."_

"Geeehehah!" Korosensei laughed sheepishly. "Oh, I, well, ah, nothing specific, really, I just thought you could help _me_ out with something too!"

* * *

I shook my head. "Honestly, that octopus..."

"Nick, the reason I asked you to stay after was to ask a question," Ritsu asked me.

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Shoot away, then." Pun intended.

Ritsu blushed slightly and looked away from me. "You said, yesterday, that I had to choose how to work with the class. I know what the others have been saying about me... Do you think I have free will?"

I blinked and thought about the question. Did I think she had free will? How could I know, really? She'd just finished telling me about the software that Korosensei had installed to improve her ability to cooperate. It's still possible that this new Ritsu personality was just another mask of the machine, designed to do Yui's initial job - interface with humans. Did that mean... Well, I know how to stall, at least. "Wouldn't it defeat the purpose if I told you?" I asked with a little half smile. "That would be the same as telling you what to do, wouldn't it? Only just telling you to decide for yourself."

I went to go pick up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. "Whatever you want to do, Ritsu, do it because it's your choice. Not because I told you it was possible, or because Korosensei gave you the ability to do so." That was how Yui became, well, Yui. She _chose_ to be Kazuto and Asuna's kid, and we went through hells and back to make her choice happen. I didn't see a reason not to do the same for Ritsu. "Later, Ritsu. See you tomorrow."

Ritsu seemed preoccupied, but gave me a smile and a wave anyway. "Bye, Nick! See you tomorrow."

The next day, though...

 _Bloop._ "Good morning, classmates," Ritsu's meep-meep-meep mouth flapped tonelessly. "How are you?"

We all just... stared at the now-regressed Ritsu. Her full-size monitor had disappeared overnight, replacing it with her old frame again. I felt irritated. Whoever did this was an asshole of the highest caliber. "Word came down from her inventors just last night," Karasuma told us all. We turned to look at him where he stood next to Korosensei. "Upgrades will be considered a breach of your agreement not to harm a student," he told the teacher. "And as for you," he continued, turning to Terasaka, "tie her up again and you pay damages. If we break it, then we buy it."

I snarled under my breath. Jackass inventor types. I need to make sure Kazuto _never_ turns out like this, ever.

"That's the way things are, now," Karasuma said, closing his eyes. I can tell he doesn't like this any more than we do. "I have no choice."

" _This_ is the word from her inventors, is it?" Korosensei asked, rubbing at his head with a tentacle. "Since _when_ have I been in the business of appeasing parents? My students' needs come first."

As he got to lecturing, everybody in front of me was staring at Ritsu out of the corner of their eye, waiting for her to open fire. The tension in the air would accept nothing else. Whatever they'd done had reverted her back to her trigger-happy ways, and she'd start spraying the place with bullets.

A shame, really, since I was starting to like the more emotive Ritsu.

Of the entire class, only Karma and I were unaffected by the rising tension. Karma because, well, he's Karma - he just read the textbook without a care in the world. Me, because I had accepted it and was just waiting for the anvil to drop. Before long, the multicolored lines started running over her casing again, and I sighed, closing my book and storing it in the desk to avoid any possible damage.

The side panels exploded outward with puffs of cooled air, and everyone in the class ducked for cover. Nagisa raised his arms to shield his face, and Korosensei prepared to run.

We all stared as rainbow-colored flower petals started falling from the air. "You wanted me to make flowers, didn't you?" Ritsu asked us softly. She had four bouquets on display - one of roses, and three others of flowers I didn't recognize. "When Korosensei upgraded me, he made a total of nine hundred and eighty-five improvements to my functionality," she continued as the students in the class started to look around in awe. "My master determined that approximately ninety-five percent of these improvements to be irrelevant to my purpose and deleted them.

"But after analyzing the effectiveness of cooperation," Ritsu said, "I calculated that the highest probability of success would be achieved by maintaining these improvements. Ergo, I hid what I could in an area of my memory left untouched by the purge."

"Outstanding!" Korosensei exclaimed. "Ritsu! Does this mean..."

"Yep!" she giggled, appearing. Her background was back to normal, and so was her avatar's appearance. That sneaky little... I couldn't stop grinning. "I have free will, and boy does it feel fantastic!"

"Wow," Karma laughed, spreading his arms. "Who'da thunk it?"

"Korosensei?" Ritsu asked gingerly, twisting her finger in a lock of short purple hair. "If my information's right, I think I'm being what's called rebellious." She blushed and looked away sheepishly. "That doesn't make me a terrible person or anything, right?"

"No, no, no!" Korosensei assured her, waving a tentacle in negation. "You're just a junior high student." He lifted his arms into a circle around him, and his face turned orange with a red circle. "And an exemplary one!"

And so E Class has finally managed to add another member to our rosters. Another classmate, another assassin trying for the life of Korosensei. Twenty-eight assassins in all.

Not bad, if I do say so myself. And it looks like this newest member is going to be very, _very_ effective.

"Hey, Mr. Karasuma?" I asked him later that day, peeking my head in to the staff room.

"Yes, Nick?" he asked, looking up from his paperwork. "What's up?"

"Just a logistics question," I said easily, leaning against the doorway. "What were the exact words used in their ruling? Y'know, the one about Korosensei being prevented from upgrading Ritsu."

Karasuma frowned slightly. "Uh, I'll need to check, but I think it was something along the lines of 'Any upgrades performed by Korosensei will be considered a breach of the contract made not to harm students'. Like I said, though, I'd have to check to be certain."

My lips twisted into a smug grin. "So, by those rules, upgrades made by us are totally okay, right?" I asked slowly.

Karasuma snorted. He knew what I was aiming for. "I don't believe there are any prohibitions against students helping students, no."

"Awesome. Thanks!" I told him before sliding the door shut and walking away.

As I left, Professor Bitch strutted past me with what looked like a weird face drawn over her cleavage. I stopped and turned to stare. I... She... "Hey, Karasuma!" I heard her roar as she slammed open the staff room door. What... No. No, I have decided I don't actually want to know. I'm just going to turn around, walk away, and forget any of this ever happened.

* * *

"Hey guys," I said, waving absently.

Kazuto looked over and smiled. "Nick! Good of you to join us."

I just gave him an unamused look. "Please, I don't need this study group and you know it. I'm just here because I was invited and because Keiko asked for help." I wasn't going to say no to my sister.

"And thank you for that," Keiko said as she hugged me. "I needed you to walk me through this. The teacher didn't explain it very well, and the homework is just confusing me..." She stuck her tongue out with a sheepish giggle and bonked herself on the side of the head.

As I got comfortable, Kazuto looked around. "Where's Argo?" he asked after verifying that my girlfriend wasn't present. "Is she with Asuna and Liz?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. Kana was talking to our teacher the last I saw. Asuna and Rika aren't joining us, then?" When Kazuto shook his head I sighed. "Oh well..." I adored both of them, of course, but if they weren't going to be here there wasn't anything I could do about it.

"I'm here!" Kana sang, swanning through the open door. "Here, Nick, I grabbed your test results too, since you forgot to pick them up earlier."

Oops. I knew there was something I forgot. I took them with a murmured thanks and a kiss on her cheek while Kazuto and Keiko laughed. Now that everyone was here, I got comfortable on the floor, spreading my papers out around me so I could see them all at a glance. Kazuto and Keiko were sharing the couch, and Kana took the comfy chair behind me. I curled up, purring under my breath, and leaned against Kana's legs.

Let's see now... I only had one problem marked on the front... I scanned the back quickly, but there weren't any questions wrong on that side. I leaned back against Kana's leg and hummed in thought, trying to figure out where I'd gone wrong. I could ignore the front half of the equation, since it evaluated to zero, but I'd thought the back half was...

As I worried at the problem, I slowly realized just how warm Kana was. It was wonderful, getting to feel her warmth at my back. It just melted all of my exhaustion and worries away like they'd never been there to begin with. I could even hear her voice as she said -

\- I opened my eyes. The warmth was still there, and I groggily sat up from bed, realizing that I had been sweating despite the thin covers and chilly night. It was just a dream... "2:30..." I groaned, blinking blearily. "I was just dreaming... Damn it..."

For a brief moment I felt absolute fury rush through me, and I wanted to scream in abject rage. Instead, though, I just let out a completely defeated, "Mother... _fucker_..." An exhausted groan followed that as a wave of sadness washed over me, threatening to drown me entirely. I miss her. I miss her so, so much. I miss all of my family...

This was the first time I'd dreamed about them, though. Hopefully it won't happen again, if only because I could remember being there in that room with Kana, Kazuto, and Keiko. Right now is the closest I've ever been to breaking and giving in to my homesickness. Can it be classified a nightmare if it was a good dream?

If the way my heart is aching is any indication, I'm not going to get back to sleep tonight. Not in this place, at least - too much of it reminds me of my family. Might as well get dressed and head to the classroom and try to grab a nap there, or distract myself by working with Ritsu on some more functionality with that project we were working on together. I took a few deep breaths until I had myself back under control and stood up, taking off the shirt I wore to bed. I rubbed at my eyes, still sandy from the aborted sleep, and staggered towards the shower.

...Kana...

* * *

 **Aw, Ritsu. She's adorable. And a murder-bot. An adorable murder-bot. (Do you know how many times I almost typed Ritsu in this chapter back before they gave her that name? Yeesh. I ended up just copy-pasting her full name any time it came up.) It was a pain trying to figure out how they worked out her name, since I refuse to do that stupid 'We're not actually speaking Japanese' thing the dub does, but I think I worked it in well enough. That was the best way of doing it, anyway.**

 **Also, Nick is having nightmares. Poor guy. This nightmare in particular was based off of one I had; I woke up and immediately scrambled for a piece of paper and pencil. There was another dream I had that could have been converted to something like this, but that one I didn't write down and I regret it. Hence, I'm not letting another one go by. As for why he's getting nightmares now, ask yourself 'Why did Nick accept Ritsu so quickly?' If you can come up with a good answer for that, then you can probably understand why he's starting to have nightmares he remembers.**

 **Things we didn't see, because Nick wasn't there: Ritsu getting downgraded by a team of scientists that are all about the bottom line, and apparently the upgrades won't show off the base capabilities of Ritsu? Even though it'd be trivial to copy the new upgrades Korosensei gave her, reverse engineer them, and implement them? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I'd like the murder-machine on my side to take my actions into consideration.**

 **Anyway, I tried out a flashback through another's eyes. It's a test, but I hope it went well. I'm really, really hoping it went well. But if it didn't, please tell me A) What didn't really work, and B) How I should fix it.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

The camera panned over the city skyline, the bass thrumming a threatening undercurrent.

 _dark near future_

A ninja leapt from a roof, then suddenly accelerated to the next. A shockwave is visible in his wake.

 _Sonic Ninja_

The ninja slid to a halt, sheathing his katana. Behind him, a helicopter was hovering – until its rotor flew off, severed. The helicopter split in two and then exploded; all from a single supersonic slash.

 _Here I am!_

The ninja rose to his full height, red bandana flapping in the wind as the smoke and cinders billowed around him. The music died.

 _corruption_

The music kicked into high gear. A handsome man was standing, smiling at a woman. Ethan Brenette. He shrugged, winking at her.

 _betrayal_

The woman snarled at him with clenched fists. Maryann Cooper. She raised her hand and slapped him across the cheek.

 _violence_

A fat man ran from a collapsing building. Joness. He shouted something, but it wasn't enough, and the camera cut away just as a building began to topple over him.

 _Inducement_

A large man with a lit cigar sat behind a desk, shrouded in shadow. mafia "BAD" leader Gable.

 _Nature of human being, it's evil._

Maryann Cooper stood in front of the Sonic Ninja and pointed a gun at a monster with six arms, rising from the fires flickering behind him. future mafia "ZAP" leader. He raised a hand to the leering demon face. Adam.

 _What is real justice?_

A man and woman kiss.

 _What is real justice? What is real love?_

The title card appeared: Sonic Ninja. Then it was slashed in half with an audible 'shing' sound.

«Liars should be cut in half,» the Sonic Ninja proclaimed, standing on top of the spire of the tallest skyscraper in the city with the full moon looming behind him.

"Sonic Ninja!" Ritsu cheered as the video ended, showing the replay and watch later options. "I also have the DVD extras!"

Nagisa gasped in awe, and Karma laughed. "That's pretty cool," the redhead grinned, his hands in his pockets.

"You come with everything!" Kayano gasped.

I just stared at the trailer. "I don't know what in the hells I just watched, but all I know is I didn't know I wanted this and now I do. I _do_ want this very much."

 **Yay movie trailers!**


	11. L and R Time

**Chapter 11: L and R Time**

* * *

I watched with raised eyebrows as Professor Bitch wrote the next set of sentences on the chalkboard.

«Oh, sexy guy,» Professor Bitch moaned. About half of the male population shifted in their seats, probably crossing their legs as subtly as they could. I think a few girls did the same, too. «It's a miracle!» After a second, she dropped the sultry tone. "See? Simple! Icebreakers like this guarantee a good first impression," she said, raising a slender finger. "Now, I'm _sure_ we all know someone who is absolute crap with small talk."

A few people in the class turned around in their seats. Even Ritsu swiveled to look my way. "What?" I snapped defensively. "Don't look at me!" Jerks.

"Maybe we are that person," Professor Bitch continued, laughing a little. "The trick is to put yourself in the shoes of your target. Kimura!" she snapped. "Throw me an icebreaker, quick!"

"Um..." he said. "Hey there?"

"No no!" Professor Bitch rejected it, crossing her two index fingers in the shape of an X. She couldn't do Korosensei's face thing, so this was the next best option. "You're shifting the burden of conversation! If you want a meaningful response, the other person has to feel like you're pulling your own weight!" Y'know, as much shit as I give her, Professor Bitch definitely knows what she's talking about. I'll need to remember this for the next time I need to pretend to talk to someone at one of those parties Kana or Asuna drag me to. "Try coming at them guns blazing with an interesting observation!"

"O-kay..." Kimura said, just sounding relieved he wasn't the focus of the lecture anymore.

"Conversation is a challenge for the best of us, and that's okay!" Professor Bitch continued. "Don't think in terms of finding the right words, let them find you!" She rested her finger near her mouth - classic move to draw attention to her lips. "Just let the conversation flow... Finesse it, like a full-tongued kiss." Huh. Maybe I should rethink respecting Professor Bitch's ability to teach...

Professor Bitch then had each of us throw her an icebreaker we had to come up with off the top of our heads. To make sure we didn't have one prepared, and to ensure we actually learned something from this lecture, she basically came up with the scenario off the top of her head and we had to go from there. Nagisa ended up having to talk to a fashionista from Taiwan, and Kayano fumbled her way through talking to some friendly next-door neighbor-esque person. Yada seemed surprisingly excited to do this, though, and offered up something that sounded almost sultry to the woman that approached her at a club.

"Nick!" Professor Bitch turned to me, and I jolted up. "You like video games. I'm now a girl gamer, give me an icebreaker!"

Shit. Inner Klein, don't fail me now. "Excuse me," I said, feeling my ears burning already, "but would you like to partner for this raid? My friends flaked and a DPS without a tank is just bad news."

"I have no idea what you just said," Professor Bitch told me, "but adequate. Not good, but adequate."

Hm. That slow remembrance that, oh, yeah, Klein is actually terrible with women? Except maybe Skuld, and I try to avoid thinking about that whenever possible? It feels kinda like heartburn. If heartburn were also mixed with the crushing realization that I _should have totally gone with Inner Kirito_ , he always gets the ladies. Fuck. Well, teach me to ever rely on Klein for anything.

Professor Bitch's lesson continued. At one point, she put on some TV romcom show and had us watch a few clips of casual conversation. The lines she'd written up on the board were straight quotes from the show, I realized as the actresses on screen said the line word for word. "Man, Professor Bitch's lessons are always so raunchy," Nagisa commented during break.

Sugino nodded. "Yeah, and there are so many dirty jokes, too," he agreed. "That's definitely not a show you should be showing junior high kids."

I just shrugged. I understood most of the jokes, even if they didn't exactly apply to me. "Still, it makes things easier to understand," Nagisa pointed out. "Plus, I've heard that the fastest way to learn a new language is to watch TV made there."

"Infiltration assassinations are her specialty," Mimura said, "so she's really good at languages. And I'll never get tired of hearing all about the things she's done, either."

I grinned as a memory came back. She'd called Yada up to the front of the class as her model; when she dipped Yada back and talked about what the man had said - 'He held me close and said, «You're damn attractive!»' - Yada had blushed and started looking nervous.

Though, to be fair, she might have a reason to be worried. Nagisa started talking about it, in fact; the one problem I had with Professor Bitch's lessons was, right or wrong answer, male or female, when you were called up to the front of the class, she almost always ended up giving the (un)lucky student a kiss.

With tongue.

We were apparently supposed to be using it for practice.

...

I answered the question correctly, and shifted awkwardly when Professor Bitch put her hand on my shoulder. "I need an adult," I whimpered.

"I am an adult, brat!" Professor Bitch snapped at me.

"...I need a different adult," I whimpered.

...

"Yeah," Mimura sighed, "She's basically a female perv." It was awkward, but I got through the class usually by either immediately darting out of her range as soon as I answered, or by pretending it was Kana.

Before too much longer, classes had ended for the day. As was my typical routine at this point, I hung around until everyone had left for home, then pulled a desk over next to Ritsu's machine. "Afternoon, Ritsu," I said as I pulled out my notes for where we left off the day before.

Let's see… Day one, getting sockets connecting… Day four, I'm making good progress and should be done by the end of the week… Day seven, coding is the devil's work… Day ten, I should probably get some food… Day twelve, my notes were written in an indecipherable alien language that seemed to have references to non-Euclidean geometry, as well as sentences that… go _into_ the page, but are readable somehow, not asking questions… Day thirteen, kill me kill me kill me… Ah, here we are, day seventeen.

I only worked on it for about an hour each day, but I was making progress. "Ready to get started?"

"Afternoon, Nick," Ritsu said with a happy smile. The class in total, except Terasaka, had chipped in what little pocket money everyone could come up with, and we'd managed to scrape together enough loose change to purchase Ritsu a new monitor. It wasn't as good as the one Korosensei had given her originally, but it was still high-definition enough for her to display pretty much everything. "Sure thing!" A keyboard emerged from the side of her machine and rested lightly on the desk in front of me. It was even contoured slightly to make my wrists hurt less. Ritsu was a sweetheart.

"Right," I murmured as a window appeared in the corner of her screen. Ritsu peered at it curiously. "Let's see, where were we..."

"Nick?" Ritsu asked as I cracked my knuckles and started coding. "I've been meaning to ask, where did you learn this?"

"Long story," I replied absently as I stared at the code. Where else did this happen... Copying code, copying code, dum de dum... "I wrote something like this a year or two ago, for a friend's kid, but back then I had some source code to work with and someone that could explain it to me..." I leaned back and sighed. I hate doing things from scratch. "Ugh, this would be so much easier if I had that code in front of me."

"I can search for it," Ritsu offered.

I just shook my head. "You won't find it, I kept it entirely offline." How could she find it, after all? Even if she had access to Cardinal's searching abilities - something I doubted, honestly, because if Ritsu knew the reality of the world she'd be a little less relentlessly cheerful - she wouldn't be able to access the world I'd created for Yui and Din. For one thing, I'm pretty sure everything here was on a local network, and for the other the source code was locked on my laptop - because fuck source control, I guess. "It's fine, it's fine, I think I remember enough of it to get the connections down. You should be able to work from there."

At that point, I found what I was looking for and zoned out, humming to myself. Ritsu was kind enough to play some soft background music, but it wasn't really loud enough for me to make it out. The tapping of the keyboard filled my mind for the next hour or so, and the sudden vibrating as my phone alarm went off startled me. "Huermmegernum," I grunted eloquently, then shook my head and cleared my throat. "Ahem. Anyway, Ritsu, after this finishes compiling you should be good to go. Let me know if there's any issues, okay?"

Now, we wait until one tiny little bug pops up for no real reason whatsoever, and then spend three straight days debugging only to find it's an off-by-one error.

Programmer life. Living on the razor edge.

"Uh huh!" Ritsu cheered. "Thanks a lot for helping me with this, Nick," she said. "I could have done it alone, but it's more fun with my classmates!"

"You say that," I said in a deadpan, "but we both know it's because you've fallen head over heels for me."

She giggled and twirled her finger in a little bit of her hair. "What is this feeling, so sudden and new?"

I blinked. That was a song reference, and I remember reading the lyrics once. "I felt the moment I laid eyes on you?" I returned cautiously. When Ritsu smiled wider, I just shook my head and got back to work.

"My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling," Ritsu sang, with the birds in her world providing a pretty nice accompaniment. "My face is flushing, what is this feeling?"

"Loathing," I shot at her. "Cute, Ritsu."

"Aw," she pouted. "You skipped some of the lyrics."

Guess the lyrics I read weren't complete. "I can play music, I can't sing it," I replied, doing my best to ignore her pout. Seriously, that thing was weapons-grade. I tapped at a few more keys and then started the build. Ideally, I shouldn't have fucked up anything, but I'm me, so I definitely screwed something up.

As the code built and compiled, Ritsu shivered slightly. "That always feels so strange," she complained.

"Suck it up," I suggested helpfully. "Everything look good? Can you see my phone?"

Ritsu concentrated, and then smiled. "I can! You're connected now, so give it a shot."

I grinned. Hopefully, it's working and I won't have my phone explode in my hands. "Here goes..." I placed my phone on my desk and then gingerly poked at it, loading up the browser. When it didn't explode into white-hot shards, or suddenly turn into a singularity, or set the campus on fire – you know, the usual errors with this sort of thing – I leaned forward and peered at it. "Huh. I have internet. Neat."

"Yay!" Ritsu celebrated. There was a soft little fanfare and confetti burst - in her virtual world, fortunately, or I'd have been forced to clean it up. "I think I can..." A second later my screen flickered and a random webpage loaded itself. "I can!"

"That's great, Ritsu," I sighed. What force of evil have I unleashed? "But could you warn me before you start playing music from before our time?" She'd actually loaded up the song she had been singing. Huh, it's not bad, actually. Surprisingly cheerful, I think, given the subject matter. Yeah, I kinda like it. "My virgin ears are not ready for this."

After a few more random videos, I pushed my chair back and shifted the desk back into position. "Okay, Ritsu," I said, "that was fun and all, but it's getting late and I'd like to get home in time for dinner."

"See you tomorrow, Nick," Ritsu waved. I returned it with a smaller good-bye wave, and slid the door open before stepping out.

As I strolled by the staff room, the door was open, and I leaned in to say goodbye to Karasuma. The moment I did so, however, I saw Korosensei sipping tea with his face bright pink. Professor Bitch was slouching in the chair in front of him. "The son of a bitch is staring at my tits!" she shouted, jabbing her finger at him. "Sipping tea doesn't make it classy!"

Maybe I should just walk away. But on the other hand, this is like watching two trains on the same track speeding towards a head-on collision. It's going to have a messy, inevitable ending, and at the end of the day someone was going to wind up dead. "Have I mentioned how much I admire your perky teaching methods?" Professor Bitch glared daggers at him. Gods damn it, Korosensei.

"Shut your face!" Professor Bitch snapped before whipping a knife out of nowhere. She slashed and stabbed at the octopus, but didn't come anywhere near hitting him. She didn't even bother getting out of her seat, though, so fair's fair.

"Stand down," Karasuma ordered, rising out of his chair. "You know he's just pushing your buttons."

"Ugh!" With a strangled shriek of frustration, Professor Bitch whipped the knife over her shoulder. It had some nice spin on it, too. "Yeah, well, I'll push his buttons," she snapped. As she approached the door, I stepped away to let her through. Professor Bitch let out another snort of irritation before storming off to do her own thing.

" _She's_ feisty today," Korosensei observed.

"Probably something to do with the way you were staring at her boobs," I replied drily. I'd seen Karasuma about to make his own snide comment, but I got it first! Yay me! "I'm heading home now. I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Karasuma, Korosensei."

The next day, our first class was Phys Ed, so we all got changed and gathered on the track and field. After the opening laps around the track and the warm-up exercises, we got started on the torture I mean training technique Karasuma had devised for us today. There were little Korosensei head targets strung up and dangling from a wire, along with some planks of wood stuck into the ground at regular intervals. They looked thick, too, just wide enough for someone to... have a foot on... each... oh no.

Sure enough, that was our exercise; we had to stand up on the footholds and keep our balance while simultaneously striking at the Korosensei head at a steady rhythm. I mean, it wasn't _hard_ in and of itself, but keeping the balance with one foot on each wobbly plank of wood made for an interesting challenge along with the natural shifts from attacking.

I caught Karasuma glancing over by the trees, followed his gaze, and then sighed. Kurahashi - small enough to fit her entire body on just one plank - crouched down and pointed with her knife. "Mr. Karasuma, over there..."

"Just ignore it," Karasuma told her. "Continue the exercise."

Still, despite that, everyone couldn't take their eyes off the tree line. _Something's up_ , they seemed to be thinking. _Something's definitely up._

 _They're totally targeting someone._ Korosensei, Professor Bitch, and some foreign-looking guy with ridiculous cheekbones were hiding by the tree line. Though, I say hiding with air quotes large enough to be seen from space; it was hard enough for the bright yellow octopus to be stealthy at the best of times, but the bloodlust pouring off of the other two was giving away their location like a siren. I caught Professor Bitch licking her knife with flushed cheeks and sighed, shaking my head. This is ridiculous...

* * *

 **The day before...**

"The rules are simple!" the octopus announced. "Whomever kills our friend Mr. Karasuma first is the winner!"

"Excuse me?" Mr. Karasuma demanded. "Why the hell am I the target here all of a sudden?"

"It has to be you, silly," he replied. "I'm unkillable!" The octopus handed both Irina and Lovro Anti-Sensei knives. "Here! You have all day tomorrow."

"Oh, I see," Lovro said, his accent thick. "It's to be a pretend assassination." He flicked the tip of the knife, and the blade wobbled. "Heh," he laughed before turning and walking away. "There are worse ways to pass time."

Mr. Karasuma sighed and walked away. "Suit yourself," I muttered.

* * *

"...So, there it is," Karasuma finished. We'd finished up that exercise and instead of assigning a new one, we were gathered up onto the field and given an explanation of exactly what was going on, and why Professor Bitch and this... Lovro guy were gunning for Karasuma. "Expect a few interruptions today, and hopefully it won't interfere with your studies... too much. Just carry on as normal, alright?"

I grinned helplessly and shook my head. Trust Karasuma to look at it that way. Oh, there are two people trying to kill me, one of whom is my coworker and the other is some sort of assassin broker? This is fine. I'm okay with the events that are currently unfolding. Keep calm and carry on. Karasuma just can't catch a break, can he? Babysitting the octopus all day, and now this?

"Yoo hoo!" We all looked over at the ridiculously cheery sing-song voice. Karasuma's eye snapped over to the side, which was, honestly, kinda startling. He was in battle mode, I think. "Excellent work today!" Professor Bitch called, running over to Karasuma with a thermos of tea in one hand and the lid in the other, tea already poured. I swear I can see sparkles. And hearts. "I'll bet you worked up quite a thirst! Ah! Have an ice-cold beverage!"

Everyone just stared at her with a blank look of shock on their faces. Except Kayano, who was staring at Professor Bitch with wide eyes.

Professor Bitch was clearly out of her depth, but kept going on with her original plan anyway. Her attempt to keep a sweet smile on her face was almost entertaining, if it wasn't so incredibly sad. "Here," she offered Karasuma, who was having none of this tomfoolery, "go ahead and knock it back." Poisoned. Definitely poisoned. "It tastes like a rainbow!"

"She drugged it," Isogai muttered.

"Oh yeah, definitely," Maehara muttered back.

"Probably some sort of muscle relaxant," Karasuma declared. Professor Bitch's fake smile was still plastered on her face. "Immobilize and stab, oldest trick in the book." That made Professor Bitch gasp and glare slightly, but she kept on smiling. It was almost admirably. Karasuma just sighed at the confirmation of our suspicions. "What do you take me for?" he asked her, glancing at her obliquely. "No man in his right mind would let you close enough to give him a brink."

Professor Bitch growled under her breath, glaring flatly in frustration. Then she leaned forward, smiling again. "Well," she began, bending down and setting the cup of tea on the ground, "why don't I just put it here so you can take it at your leisure-aah!" She yelped and flailed, falling face-first on the ground. The thermos of tea went flying. "Oh... Ow!" Professor Bitch wailed, sitting up and looking upset. "Pick me up, Karasuma, carry me piggyback, please!" she cried.

"Um, no," Karasuma sighed again. The rest of us students sighed as well. Have you no shame, woman? Seriously, have some basic shred of self-respect. Of course, I really shouldn't be saying anything, given I have no self-respect of my own, but c'mon.

Eventually, Isogai and Mimura took pity on her and helped her to her feet. She seemed a little put out that Karasuma didn't fall for her blatant attempt at sympathy. "You okay, Professor Bitch?" Isogai asked her.

"Yeah, no offense," Mimura said, "but that little ploy wouldn't have fooled anyone."

"My options are limited, okay?!" Professor Bitch snapped at him. "I can't seduce someone who knows my M.O!" She turned on Isogai next. "Chalk it down to occupational hazard! It's like a paid escort trying to put the moves on her old man! He knows her too well for her charms to land their mark!"

That... that's a terrifying mental image. Yikes. I don't want to think about it. Don't want to think about the situation, where the 'hostess' would be offering to light his cigarette in a sultry manner, maybe with that cliché disco ball spinning and a bottle of - NO DO NOT WANT please don't think about it, Nick, you know better than that. "That's sick!" Mimura and Isogai yelped.

Y'know, I'm curious. Is it really that Professor Bitch didn't have any options? Or is she rushing so that she can get to the target before Lorvo or Rovlo or whatever his name was gets to Karasuma first? I mean, from what little I saw of the guy, he seemed like someone who was competent. I'll have to talk to Karasuma later.

Later, as it turned out, was right after Phys Ed ended. I got changed separately from the others - mainly to hide my scar and avoid having to deal with attention and awkward questions - and so on my way back from a secluded area I ran into him and Korosensei as the two of them were walking down the halls to wherever they were going. Korosensei was wearing some ridiculous ninja outfit, and Karasuma was shrugging on his jacket. "What do you think?" Korosensei asked Karasuma. "Exhilarating being the killee, isn't it?"

"Oh, it's a barrel of laughs," Karasuma said. I get the feeling he's not laughing. "Wait a second," he said suddenly. "Exactly what happens if I manage to dodge them both?" I'm not sure why they're even doing this Kill Karasuma thing in the first place, but it sounds like the winner gets a prize of some sort.

"Hm," Korosensei placed a tentacle on his cheek and folded the other one under it. "I hadn't thought of that. I suppose in all fairness, _you'd_ be the winner!" he allowed.

Karasuma finished adjusting his tie; back to the consummate professional Ministry of Defense worker for him. "What do I win?" he asked.

Korosensei grinned wider. "How about, I agree to stand stock-still in front of you for an entire second?" I blinked, eyes wide. He wouldn't move in front of Karasuma for a whole second. A whole SECOND. Did Korosensei actually have a death wish? "You may shoot and or stab me at will! Don't tell the others, though." Wait, when did he get changed into his teaching outfit? I was watching him the whole time. His speed is bullshit, I swear. "We don't want to kick off a feeding frenzy! The pot might be a little bit too rich to keep everyone honest. That goes for you, too, Nick."

I sighed. Judging by the way Karasuma didn't even look my way, I guess they noticed me and closed the loophole. "You know the rules, Korosensei," I smiled smugly. "You want my silence, you have to buy it." A blur of speed and gust of wind and there was a small ice cream sandwich in my hands. "Yeah, that'll do," I shrugged. "Snack time."

" _Class_ time," Korosensei told me. "Come along, now. We wouldn't want to be late, would we?"

Grumbling through my ice cream sandwich, I followed Korosensei into the classroom. As I slid the door closed behind me, I heard Karasuma mutter, "Whatever you say."

The rest of the morning classes were, surprisingly enough, uneventful. I'm not sure why, but nothing happened. There weren't any sudden attempts on Karasuma's life, as far as I was aware; he only taught Phys Ed, after all, so I guess I wouldn't expect to see him teaching our lessons in the classroom. Since he was the target, it would logically follow that any and all attempts on his life would, therefore, not take place in our classroom.

Sigh. I was looking forward to watching Professor Bitch embarrass herself further.

Before long it was lunchtime and I was retrieving my lunch from the fridge in the staff room - Karasuma had been kind enough to let me keep things in there when they needed to be kept cold, since it was getting warm during the day and we didn't have air conditioning. Today's lunch was a sandwich with lunch meat, mayo, and tomato, so it definitely needed to be kept cold. As I retrieved my food, I looked around and noticed the strange tension in the air. Professor Bitch was sitting there, silent and staring at Karasuma; Korosensei was looking at Professor Bitch. Karasuma, for his part, had been entirely focused on his work after looking up when I entered. He had to be writing something or other, given the constant tapping of the keys on his laptop.

Korosensei suddenly looked up with a sound of confusion.

The door to the staff room slammed open and everyone in the room jerked in shock. Lovro dashed in, smiling smugly and knife at the ready. Karasuma started to roll his chair back, but stopped after a second; I think it got caught on one of the floor boards. He looked down in surprise and shock, taking his eyes off Lovro. Grinning with bloodlust, Lovro lunged over the desk in a blinding-quick stab. "Head on?!" Professor Bitch gasped.

Karasuma instantly whipped his arm up and caught Lovro's thrust, slamming his arm down onto the desk and sending the knife flying. At the same time, his knee flew up and halted an inch away from Lovro's face. If it had connected at that speed, Lovro would have had several broken bones. For a frozen moment, nobody moved; Lovro just stared at the knee that had come a heartbeat from taking his consciousness.

"With all due respect my friend," Karasuma asked him darkly, "how straightforward did you think this was going to be?" I realized that at some point during the fight I'd clenched my fist, crushing part of my sandwich. Damn. Maybe Nagisa will trade... "You've got skill but frankly, the years haven't been kind." Karasuma picked up the dropped knife and stared down at Lovro, eyes narrowed with lethal intent. "Until recently, _I_ was in the elite special force."

Holy shit. Karasuma was actually pretty badass. Unlike a certain _other_ Ministry of Defense agent that shall go unnamed, Karasuma wasn't some over-promoted desk jockey. He was actually dangerous. According to Karasuma, Lovro was a skilled hitman; while Karasuma said he'd been less active as of late, preferring to broker deals between assassins and prospective clients, he... probably hasn't let any of his skills get rusty.

With a flourish, Karasuma spun the knife and caught it in midair, leveling it at Korosensei. "Hey," he barked at Professor Bitch. She'd risen half out of her chair and was staring in horror at the invincible man we called our teacher. "Want to win? Step up your game. You've only got today."

Both Professor Bitch and Korosensei shrieked in horror. "Hold on a sec," Professor Bitch asked as the trembling octopus put his tentacles on her shoulders. "Why are _you_ scared?"

"Don't worry about it!" Korosensei whimpered, his voice high-pitched. "Just do your best and try not to lose!"

"FYI," Karasuma said as he strode to the doorway, "with a good knife? I can strike five times in a second." He grinned, and I shivered. That grin was terrifying beyond belief. "So. Should be fun."

Korosensei was trembling, sweating bullets, and muttering half-formed sounds that were probably supposed to be real words.

On the other side of the desk, Lovro was examining the damage done to his arm by Karasuma. Professor Bitch looked over and gasped. "Sir, you... your hand!" The spot where Karasuma had slammed his arm into the desk had already turned a dark purple and swollen massively. Like, holy shit, it looked like he had a plum under his skin. That _couldn't_ be comfortable.

Lovro bowed his head slightly. "Hm. I suppose I can't expect to kill today in this condition," he said, his accent thick. Beside Professor Bitch, Korosensei started freaking out even harder.

"What kind of talk is that?!" Korosensei demanded, appearing behind Lovro in a cheerleader's costume of all things. "Nonsense, that's what it is! You can do this! Think positive!" He's desperate not to get absolutely murdered by Karasuma. Foolish to promise not to move for one whole second.

"Even if I wasn't a relic," Lovro said, "even if I could kill that man, you'd still be out of my reach. Same goes for Irina, when you get down to it. If I can't do it, neither can she." At his words, Professor Bitch swallowed some angry retort of some kind and looked down. Oh? So they have history of some sort. She looks up to him, I think. Doesn't want to disappoint him. She's irritated by his dismissal, but accepts the judgment without comment. Of course, I could just be making this up as I go along. I'm bad with people, after all.

"Very well," Korosensei said to Lovro. "If giving up is your choice, don't let me stop you. But at least stick around to support your protégé!" he added, putting a tentacle on Professor Bitch's shoulder. Oh, hey, I kinda guessed right about the situation! Yay me. Lucky guess is good guess. "After all," Korosensei said, a skull and crossbones appearing on his forehead, "whatever one might say about her skills, she's certainly proven herself a capable wielder of death before."

Lovro swept out of the staff room, but paused in the doorway and glanced over his shoulder. "Hmph. Once upon a time, yes," he said. Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Is that why they're doing this 'kill Karasuma' contest? To prove that Irina still has what it takes to be an assassin? That's silly. I am, like, 90% sure that Karasuma is superhuman, so asking Professor Bitch to kill him is like asking me to kill a fully-grown Red Dragon with my bare hands. Theoretically possible, but just so unlikely I'd be more likely to get struck by lightning three times then win the lottery.

I want to kill the dragon. With what, your bare hands? Yes.

Congratulations! You have just killed a dragon with your bare hands (Unbelievable, isn't it?)

Man, that game was fun. I don't even remember the name of it, just that one particular scenario. That and the maze of twisty little passages. Or was it little maze of twisty passages?

"Level with me, okay," Irina said to Korosensei without looking away from the door. "Do you honestly believe I can take down someone like Karasuma?"

"Of course," Korosensei said softly, appearing in front of her. "I can't speak to what you may or may not have learned at the feet of your guru. But based on what I've seen you accomplish since you've been here, I'd be a _dolt_ to think otherwise. Case in point," he said, grabbing something from the desk and holding it - gods DAMN it. "The lingerie you ordered yesterday!" Korosensei giggled. The 'Ultimate Sexy Bra' was circled in red pen. "If that's not initiative, I don't know what is!"

"Ugh!" Professor Bitch shrieked. "You perv!" she snapped as Korosensei giggled.

"If you want others to believe in you," Korosensei continued, voice soft again, " _you've_ got to believe in you. Show them what you've got: Karasuma, this Lovro fellow, the children..."

"Hmph," Professor Bitch said. Well, I guess the fun is over. I shrugged and walked forward, passing Professor Bitch, making her jump. Heh. I think she forgot I was in the room.

I finally made it back to the classroom and sat down on the windowsill by Nagisa and Kayano's desks. "That took you a while," Karma observed, sipping at a box of apple juice.

"Got distracted," I shrugged. "Hey, Nagisa, have anything you want to trade for a..." I glanced at my food. "A half-crushed sandwich from a convenience store?"

Nagisa was kind enough to trade me one of his rice balls, and I munched happily on it, scarfing down my food. I'd gotten used to eating everything as fast as possible; one never knew when one would be attacked in the middle of lunch, back in Aincrad. Besides, eating was one of the few things I actually enjoyed. "Yo!" Karma said suddenly, looking past me out the window. "Have a look at this, man, it's Mr. K!"

"Oh yeah," Kayano said. "He's been eating his lunch out there a lot lately for some reason."

Kayano and Nagisa joined me and Karma at the window. Fortunately, all I had to do was squirm a little bit to get a good look; Karasuma was sitting under the shade of the one tree near the building, eating something I couldn't quite make out. "While he's sitting there, snacking on his sandwich," Karma said, "the spider moves in for the kill." Professor Bitch was approaching Karasuma, but something was different. There was an aura about her, an aura of determination. Nothing like that fake cutesy act she'd been putting on earlier this morning. "Looks like she's gonna go for it," Karma grinned.

Irina stopped by Karasuma and said something; none of us could make it out, for obvious reasons, and my limited skills at lip reading required me to be able to see the person's lips _and_ have a general idea on how they talked and what they were talking about. It was really more predicting their next words than lip reading. Regardless, Karasuma lowered his sandwich and looked at Irina. He said something back to her, and judging by the set of his shoulders he was rapidly running out of patience. I guess being a target for the day would exhaust anyone.

Irina had a knife in her hand, and I wasn't entirely sure what she was planning to do with it. Her skillset just didn't lend itself to frontal assault, and especially not against Karasuma. And even then, she'd already tried leveraging her seduction skills against him and they failed, so even _she_ wouldn't try again, right? Insanity, same actions, different results, so on and so forth.

But it looked like I was wrong; Irina started removing her white jacket, showing off her typical black top. "What's she doing?" Okajima asked, suddenly pressed against one of the other windows. It's like a dog whistle, gods damn. "Why is she taking her jacket off?"

"Dunno," I said. "But we're probably about to find out." We watched as Irina tossed her hair over her shoulder with a practiced hand. I'm curious, are they her normal mannerisms, or are they ones she's adopted for this situation?

But I don't get it. Why is she still trying? Irina _has_ to know by now that she won't be able to beat Karasuma in a fight. So why? Why keep fighting when it's obvious she won't win?

Karasuma looked at her, then turned his head away and said something. By the looks of things, he'd just given up trying to avoid getting killed for the day. But that wouldn't make sense; if he didn't get killed, then Korosensei would stand still for a second in front of him.

By this point, the rest of the class had seen what was going on, and we were all watching with interest. Would Irina get the kill, or would Karasuma pull through again with some incredible feat of dexterity and strength?

Irina tossed her jacket by Karasuma's feet before slipping behind the tree he was leaning against. She peeked out from the other side, brandishing her knife playfully, before saying something. Then she rushed out from behind the tree; something in her off hand glimmered, and my eyes widened. The discarded jacket twisted up and pulled, catching Karasuma's foot. For a second he was hoisted off of the ground, knocked off balanced; Irina didn't waste time, immediately turning and rushing. With a jump, she landed on top of Karasuma, straddling him.

"Didn't see that comin'! Man, this is hot!" Okajima exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Kimura cheered. "Who's the bitch now!"

Irina was just sitting on top of him, panting heavily from exertion. I don't know why she wasn't attacking right away; while Karasuma was still disoriented from the wire trap, she'd have her best attempt at getting even one little stab through his guard. The longer she waited, though, the more he'd recover and the less likely she'd manage to make a successful attack.

Finally, Irina raised her knife over her head and brought it plunging down. Karasuma managed to get his arms up in time, I think, because the assassin and target were locked in a struggle. After a second, I realized that Irina was in trouble; if it came down to strength, she'd lose easily. Whatever she said - because I'm making the assumption that she had to have said something - Karasuma glared and then shouted. After a moment's hesitation, though, he lowered his hands and let her knife find his chest.

"You go, girl!" Okajima cheered.

"She won!" Kimura shouted.

Maehara grinned. "Calling it. Professor Bitch is the first one to hit him!"

Huh. I wonder why Karasuma gave up the chance to kill Korosensei for Professor Bitch? It doesn't fit with what I know of the man... Maybe he does have a soft spot for her after all? As Professor Bitch threw her head back and got off Karasuma, the class was all clapping and celebrating for her. It was mostly the girls clapping, but I think I saw Isogai applauding her as well.

It was impressive, though. I'd never seen Professor Bitch pull off something like that wire trap before, and I hadn't expected her to have it in her wheelhouse. I wonder when she found the time to practice it...

She picked up her jacket and knife and started walking back to the school building. Before she could make it there, she stopped in the dirt path; Lovro was standing in front of her. She looked almost apprehensive as he began to speak. After a second, though, her expression morphed into shock and elation and she began to cheer. "Yes sir!" she shouted. "I did it! Woo hoo!"

Harsh, arrogant, foul-mouthed... But when viewed in her element, she's actually a pretty damn good teacher. Professor Bitch turned around and was cackling maniacally. ...If maybe with a few screws loose up top.

Later, I was passing by the staff room when I heard Karasuma shout. "Hey!" he roared. "What's with the suit of armor?!" Suit of armor? I poked my head in to see a gleaming suit of armor in the shape of Korosensei. If he wore it, every possible inch of Korosensei's flesh would be covered in the shining metal, with the exception of a few breathing slots in the helmet and the openings for his eyes.

"Nothing in our little bet prohibited basic self-defense!" Korosensei exclaimed.

Y'know, somehow I think Karasuma would manage to kill Korosensei anyway.

* * *

The bell rang to dismiss class for the day, and everyone immediately started packing up to go. It's like a Pavlovian reaction at this point.

Korosensei clearly didn't mind, though, since he was too busy reading one of his magazines. I'm pretty sure this one wasn't one of the porn mags, if only because he was reading it in front of everyone. Isogai pointed a gun at Korosensei and pulled the trigger; Korosensei just ducked for the instant long enough to let the bullet pass over his head, and then he was right back in his seat, reading and humming to himself. He hadn't even bothered to look up. "You're in a good mood today, sir" Isogai smiled as he put his gun away. "After school plans?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Korosensei said happily. "I'm flying to Hawaii for a blockbuster premiere! This particular movie, I've been chomping at the bit to see for ages!"

"Seriously?" Nakamura asked as she and Kataoka approached the teaching lectern. "Wow, no fair."

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed smugly. "What's Mach 20 good for if I can't use it to be first in line for an international hit?"

Kataoka leaned in to peer at the magazine's cover. "Sonic Ninja?"

"It's a big comic book movie," Nakamura told her.

I looked over at Karma and Nagisa; I'd seen the two of them huddled together over another copy of the magazine, and had checked out what they were doing. I remembered watching the movie trailer on Ritsu's machine back when she first came to class, and I kinda want to see the movie... Judging by the speculative looks on both Karma and Nagisa, they were thinking the same thing that I was thinking.

"Hey, just a thought," I said slowly. "Korosensei can carry things when he flies, right?" The three of us looked at each other, waited a moment, then immediately dropped what we were doing, grabbed our bags, and scrambled to catch up to our teacher. He'd already left the building.

"Okie-dokie, then," he was saying, stretching his arm tentacles just outside the main entrance to the building. "I'd best be on my way!"

"Korosensei!" Nagisa shouted. "Wait up!" The three of us stood loosely as Korosensei turned around. "We wanna come with you," he said, holding up the magazine the two of them had been reading. "Please?"

"Oh-ho!" Korosensei exclaimed. "Fans of the franchise?"

"This one is," I said, waving in Nagisa's direction. "I'm just along for the ride, because it looks kinda awesome."

"We've been waiting for the sequel for, like, ever!" Nagisa exclaimed, grinning widely.

"I'm a little surprised _you're_ into comic books, Karma," Korosensei continued, turning to face the red-head.

He just shrugged affably. "It's actually not my thing," he admitted, tugging on a strand of his hair. "I really dig the director, though. It's his first genre film."

"I'd like to come too! If you don't mind."

Korosensei, Nagisa, and Karma looked a little surprised at Ritsu's voice coming from the blue-haired kid's breast pocket. Nagisa rummaged in his vest pocket and pulled out his phone. He looked a little taken aback at the sight of Ritsu's avatar holding up a little sign that read, 'pardon the intrusion'. "Hope I'm not bothering you," she said cheerfully.

Nagisa just stared flatly at his screen. "Um... No offense, Ritsu, but what are you doing in my phone?"

"I took the liberty of uploading myself into everyone's mobile devices!" she answered happily. "This way, communication between students is stream-lined, and I'm fun-sized!" She saluted, a little animated star appearing. "This version of me is called Mobile Ritsu!"

"Someone else that can do almost anything," Nagisa muttered. "But how'd you get access to my phone in the first place?"

I laughed sheepishly. "Well, turns out, when we're connected to Ritsu and using her as a wireless hot spot, she kinda has access to the data packets. It would be easy for her to send the required files and stuff that way."

Karma glanced at me. "You knew about this?"

I snorted. "Who do you think _did_ it? Or, well, the framework for it?"

"Fair enough."

Nagisa just ignored the two of us and turned his phone to Korosensei. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd _love_ to know what it's like soaring through the air at Mach 20!" Ritsu gushed. "I can even take aerial photos for Korosensei's dossier!"

Korosensei grinned widely at us. "Well then, children," he announced. "Let's go to the movies!" He swept his arms around widely, and then suddenly the three of us were comfortably snug in his robes, caught between two layers of fabric. Nagisa suddenly looked very uneasy. "Brace yourselves for a flight through the stratosphere at supersonic speed!"

I gave stabbing him a shot, but I could barely move my hands, much less get the speed and force I'd need to free the knife from its sheath, let alone actually stab through his robes. I'd need to find a preexisting hole to do that. Beside me, Nagisa was trembling slightly, and even Karma's usual smile was a little tight. "Okay," Nagisa said, "I know we kinda asked him on a whim, but I'm having second thoughts. What did we just sign on for?"

"Yeah, well," Karma drawled, "if we survive, maybe next time we'll think of safety first."

"Please don't say if, Karma," I pleaded. "'If'… 'If' is not good. 'If' is not 'when'. 'When' is good."

"Oh, now, don't be afraid," Korosensei reassured us. "I'll accelerate gently so as to not shock your systems!"

"It's not the start I'm worried about," I muttered. "It's the sudden and abrupt stop at the end."

Korosensei didn't listen to my whining, because he just took off. The roar of the wind filled my ears as he lifted off, launching towards the sky. I realized that I was shouting in fear or exhilaration or whatever it was when I had to pause for breath and noticed that Nagisa and Karma were doing the same thing. There was a sonic boom as we broke Mach 1, and I think that's the part where the rational part of my brain just said 'fuck this I'm out'.

Before too long, though, we were traveling over the landscape. "Uh... Okay!" Nagisa shouted.

Karma laughed in glee. "Wow! Check it out!" he gasped as we passed over the edge of Japan. "The Pacific Ocean!"

Hawaii was to our east, crossing over the date-line, which meant that as we traveled the sun started to set. Or, rather, it meant that the sun disappeared over the horizon as we kept traveling. Seeing the ocean blur past, all in a smear of blue that never changed aside from glimmers of light here and there... It was strangely soothing. It was hard to look at, when the cloud cover broke, but the colors were kinda pretty. "Alright," Nagisa shouted. "I'm surprised there's not more wind or whatever." Actually, that's a good point. I hadn't thought about it, but we were traveling at supersonic speeds. What was more, we didn't have goggles. The small particulates in the air alone should have blinded us, and we should have gone deaf from the roar of the air. "Is it because you're using your head to deflect most of it?"

"Excellent powers of observation, Nagisa!" Korosensei praised him. "The secret, you see, is my aerodynamic skin. Normally," he said, going into lecture mode, "my head's soft and squishy. When exposed to high pressure, however, it hardens like a shell. That's how I can withstand the effects of Mach 20 speed!"

"Wait, your skin follows the same physics as a non-Newtonian fluid?" I asked him in disbelief. "But that shouldn't be... what?!"

"Ah, so you know already, Nick!" Korosensei laughed. "Did you know, though, that something very much like my skin plays a role in your day-to-day life?" He brought up some tentacles holding a beaker, some water, and a packet of starch. "To explain, let's explore the concept of..." He started pouring the water into the beaker. Oobleck! He's making Oobleck. That's kinda neat. Been a long time since I read that children's book.

Wait. Is he giving us a lecture mid-flight?!

"This could be your best chance to assassinate him, Karma, Nick," Ritsu suggested from where Nagisa's phone was pressed against my shoulder. "He's distracted juggling two things at once!" I wiggled my hands, and realized that I was less pinned now that gravity was pulling me down a little bit. I could probably retrieve my knife and cut off his head quickly enough.

"Except I don't wanna die," Karma shot back calmly. "We're over open water at the speed of sound. Physics doesn't support that plan."

"Time and place, Ritsu," I sighed. "Neither of which is here and now." I suppose theoretically we could stab him and then roll over, letting his dead body bear the worst of the impact of hitting water, but then I'd still have to deal with the abrupt stop as I went from going Mach 1 to zero in a second. Even if his body stopped, mine would still be going, and then I'd be hitting Korosensei at Mach 1 instead of the water at Mach 1, and really that's just trading one type of problem for another, exactly the same type of problem.

Karma nodded. "Korosensei has us right where he wants us." We flew low enough that the air pressure from our flight made the water surge behind us. "We've got no choice but to listen and learn..."

Eventually, we approached Hawaii; Korosensei did a lap around one of the mountains before setting down on one of the abandoned beaches nearby. "And that is how bulletproof vests are manufactured. Using the fascinating science behind _dilatancy_!"

I hummed in thought. "Neat. I always thought it was just something to do with the material used, but it's actually both that and the pattern they're woven in. You gotta wonder, though, what guy looked at potato starch and water and thought, 'you know what I should do? Shoot a gun at this.'"

"Probably the same guy that thought milking cows was a good idea," Karma pointed out.

"Y'know, I try not to think about where milk actually comes from," I sighed. "It makes eating breakfast in the morning so much easier."

"I've made you that much smarter," Korosensei bragged, putting on his human disguise and fading to a more natural skin tone than bright canary yellow, " _and_ in the time it takes to catch _Sonic Ninja_!"

"We're really here," Nagisa gasped as he looked around. I did the same; the air was warm, and palm trees dotted the road here and there. I could smell the ocean. "We're in Hawaii. And we know what dilatancy is."

"Y'know, I just realized, this is the first time I ever remember being in America," I noted absently as my eyes roamed. "I was born on the East Coast, apparently, but..." I trailed off and shook my head. "I grew up in Japan, and just never got around to coming back to visit or sightsee. There's irony for you, I guess." And then I got sucked into Aincrad, and lost two years of my life.

But I gained Kana and my family, so it was well worth the trade. But it really was ironic, that I was only visiting America thanks to being in the virtual world again.

We made our way to the movie theater and found some seats - Korosensei paid for our tickets, since none of us kids had American bills, only yen. "Man, it's freezin' in here!" Karma gasped, giving a little shudder. I'd noticed that my hands felt like ice a little bit ago, and had tucked them in my pockets to absorb a little bit of warmth.

"It's an island thing," Korosensei told us. "They're all about cranking the AC. Let's bundle you up so no one catches pneumonia. Here!" The blanket he offered Karma was pink with hearts on it, and I grinned at the look on his face. My blanket was just a nice solid grey, no patterns or Korosensei faces grinning at me.

"This is so cool!" Ritsu cheered from Nagisa's vest pocket. "I've never been to a movie theater!"

I peered at her. "Ritsu, why are you dressed up in a parka and gloves?"

"Because a woman should always look fashionable, no matter the continent! That's what Professor Bitch says!"

Karma tossed the pink blanket at Nagisa, and gave mine a speculative look. I bared my teeth and wrapped it tighter around me. Mine. I'm warm and comfy and you can't have it. "Hey," Nagisa said suddenly, "don't they cut out a bunch of stuff for distribution overseas? We getting the real deal here?"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Korosensei asked him in return. "It shouldn't be all that different from what we see back home once it comes out over there! And if it is, so much the better! It'll be like seeing the same artwork from different angles! Here! My tentacles can be used as earphones." Little tentacles with mouths slithered out towards us, and I stared at it in consternation. A fish was one thing, but a tentacle? That just seems... fishy. Still, don't panic and such. I took it, tried to ignore how it squished, and fit it in my ear. "I'll offer a running commentary as we watch this version," Korosensei assured us. "Just in case any of the nuances go over your head."

"Speaking of," I said, "mind giving me the rundown on what happened in the comics during the trailers? It'd kinda suck not knowing anything at all about what was going on."

A trio of popcorns and some drinks - soda for Nagisa and Karma, water for me - slid in front of us. "Of course, Nick," the tentacle in my ear said as the original Korosensei said, "Now, sit back and enjoy the show!"

The trailers ran, and Korosensei gave me a little bit of background information on the Sonic Ninja franchise. It seemed a little over-the-top for my tastes, but then again I preferred sci-fi and fantasy to urban grimderp. "By the way," Korosensei whispered to us, "my tentacles can act as translators if you're a little lost on the dialogue!"

"Don't need it," I murmured. "But thanks for offering, I think." I glanced at Nagisa and Karma. Karma had also apparently rejected the offer for translation, but I think Nagisa accepted it. Either way, the kid was beaming like it was his birthday.

Eventually the movie started and I watched it out of curiosity. It was the typical action movie schlock, I think; set in a city that apparently hasn't heard of street lights or safety guidelines in construction, it was always raining, the main character was a typical brooding hero trying to save the world that plays by his own rules... Judging by Karma and Nagisa, they're just eating this stuff up with a spoon. «Evil doesn't take a vacation,» the Sonic Ninja pronounced as he cut down mobsters in a single super-sonic slash. What about Korosensei? As a super creature himself, how does he view the superhero genre?

I glanced at our teacher, only to see him bright pink and giggling softly. Alright... Not the reaction I was expecting... "Hee hee!" he giggled. "This would be even better in 3D!" I looked back at the screen, and then sighed. He was staring at the main actress's boobs.

«Oh my god!» she moaned as she picked herself up and staggered away from a fiery blaze.

Never mind.

«Kill me, if you must,» the main villain proclaimed as the heroine pulled the trigger. Her gun clicked on empty. «But first, behold my true identity!» He removed his mask.

The woman stared in horror. «My brother?!» she gasped.

After the movie, Korosensei flew us back home to E Class's classroom. It was late; even heading east didn't turn back the clock on the two hours spent watching the movie, and by this time the sun had set. "What a cliffhanger!" Nagisa gasped. "They really know what they're doing, I'll go _nuts_ waiting for the next installment!"

"I dunno," Karma said. "I feel like the filmmaker copped out, making the bad guy the brother."

"Uh, well..." Nagisa said sheepishly.

"If you want to know how the series ends," Ritsu offered, "I can calculate it! I'll just make an algorithm of every movie ever made! Just give me a couple minutes..."

I sighed. "Ritsu, there's such a thing as being _too_ helpful, you know." I laughed helplessly as she pouted at me.

"Nick, you didn't know anything about Sonic Ninja," Karma said to me. "So what'd you think?"

"It was okay? I guess?" I shrugged. "The action sequences were a little irritating. Do you _know_ how hard it is to do a flash step like that? If anything's in your way, you're fucked."

Karma raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Prove it, then."

"Um, just physics," I offered. "Unless super-reflexes are part of his power suite, he's gonna get defeated by someone extending their foot."

"Man, you three..." Nagisa muttered. Yes, yes, we're all party poopers, get over it.

We all turned to Korosensei to get his opinion on the movie. "Long lost siblings!" he sobbed, dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief. "Oh merciful heavens, how cruel fate can be!"

Korosensei Weakness Number Thirteen: Cries at clichéd scenes.

"Boo hoo hoo!"

"Well, what do ya know," Karma said. "Guess it really got to him. Damn, my bad."

"He's been blubbering like that all the way from Hawaii," Ritsu added.

Nagisa bowed slightly. "Thank you for taking us with you to Hawaii, sir."

"Night," Karma and I chorused.

Korosensei managed to pull himself together long enough to give us a watery, "Yes, yes, good night, children. Be careful on the way home. Oh," he added, "and I'd like you to write a detailed synopsis of the film in your own words for class tomorrow."

Ick. Extra homework.

"Whoa!" Nagisa yelped. "You're giving us homework!"

"Small price to pay for a free trip to Hawaii," Korosensei pointed out.

I sighed as we started walking away. "Tanstaafl, huh?"

"What?" Nagisa looked at me blankly.

"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch," I told him. "It's Heinlein." Or, at least, that's where I read it first. Everything has a cost, sooner or later, even if you don't see it right away - or even if you aren't the one to pay it.

Nagisa just sighed. "What's up?" Karma asked him. "Something on your mind?"

"It's just... we had an interesting day, is all," Nagisa replied. "We got flown to Hawaii at Mach 20, and were given a lecture on natural science over the Pacific Ocean."

"Eh, we lead a weird life," Karma dismissed it flippantly. On my end, I think my definition of weird stopped being the normal one after the third time I found myself wondering how the monsters in Aincrad would taste.

As it turned out, once they were cooked properly, kinda like chicken.

"Personally," Ritsu said, "my favorite part of the whole experience was watching Korosensei protect you. I've never seen anything like it!" She looked at us. "Did you realize he was using his tentacles to fend off dust particles and debris?"

"I figured," I sighed. "Explains why we didn't get hurt, at any rate."

"When you think about it," Nagisa said softly, "we saw the world through Korosensei's eyes today." Karma just grunted thoughtfully. "The more I get to know the guy, the more I feel his everyday life is something we can't even comprehend."

It was right around that time that Korosensei flew overhead, leaving a ripple behind. The boom followed about half a second later. Good timing.

We parted ways at the train station, and I started making my way back home. "Hey, Nick?" Ritsu said, and I fished my phone out of my pocket.

"Yeah? What's up? Need something?"

She just smiled. "Nothing much. I just wanted to chat for a little bit."

I grinned slightly. "Well, alright then. Fair warning, I'm not much of a conversationalist..."

"That's why you should practice! That's what Professor Bitch always says!"

"Fine, fine, alright, you win."

Man. What was up with these AI and being so pushy all the time? Still, I can't say I dislike it.

* * *

 **Y'know, L and R Time only works when L and R are central to the theme of the chapter, dub! Yeah, the dub cut out the whole thing about the typical difficulty with L and R in the Japanese language (which makes sense, since the characters are speaking Animese) but it does mean that Korosensei's example for how Irina is a good teacher is a little bit more general here. I think I prefer the original, but that's just my personal preference.**

 **Things we missed, since Nick wasn't there: 1) There was a mysterious kid in the mountains, watching Korosensei leave. He called him 'Brother', and then some weird guy in white with an awesome voice promised that it was time to get vengeance for the moon. We'll be seeing more of them next chapter. 2) Irina and Lovro: Lovro is a hitman broker, essentially. He's the one that trained Irina and sent her to E Class in the first place. He originally went there to pull Irina from her assignment, but after seeing how she was able to learn and teach the kids of E Class he was impressed by her teaching skills and let her stay. 3) Karasuma refuses to call Korosensei by the name the children gave him. This chapter, the nickname was "Game Show".**

 **Also, Nick's programming notes are basically an apocalyptic log in action. It's a trip. "Day 14: it hurts", followed by "Day 15: July 28th. And the Angry Man knew the name of the King"**

 **The movie thing was kinda entertaining, if only because this is literally the first time in Nick's life that he ever remembers being in America. And it's a simulation. SUFFER, NICK. As for the random Oobleck and Heinlein references, that's where I know them from; Nick clearly knows children's books, since he referenced Winnie the Pooh last story and now Dr. Seuss. As for Heinlein, it's not typical middle school or high school reading, but that's when I read Heinlein myself. The Cat Who Walks Through Walls is where I picked up TANSTAAFL, though it came from another of his stories originally. Oobleck is just the first non-Newtonian fluid that I learned about (Flubber was the second, for those curious) and it's the one that Korosensei made in midair. Oobleck is just starch suspended in water.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Big Sisters – Part 6 (Final Part)**

 **(Part 5 is in Chapter 9)**

The girls enjoyed themselves to their fullest; my phone, naturally, had been confiscated at the very beginning and had been used to record everything while Keiko had acted as photographer with her own phone, taking picture after picture of this whole transformation ordeal. I had no doubts that as soon as this was over, I'd be getting all of the pictures she took sent to me.

Well, whatever. I'll keep the pictures and video as a memento - safely hidden on my hard drive and erased from my phone, of course. They were having fun, and to be honest it was nice having all the girls dote on me. It really did feel like I had four older sisters (and Keiko).

Four older sisters (and Keiko) that were having the time of their lives using me as their own dress-up doll. They laughed and giggled and posed me like a museum piece, studying me and having arcane conversations about colors and styles and 'bringing out his eyes'. I'd complained at first – mainly to keep my slightly tattered pride intact – while they were still trying to decide on clothes, but after they managed to stuff me into a ruffled turquoise dress the last shreds of my dignity just gave up the ghost. In the end, I just submitted to their whims and went along with it in relatively good humor as they worked their magic. I swear they used every single thing on that vanity desk of theirs, too.

Eventually, they finished playing with me and let me and Asuna get back to homework and studying - though my male clothes had been hidden sometime in the fun.

I blame Shino. Or maybe Rika. One of those two. They were definitely the type to mess with me like that.

In other words, I had to finish up Asuna's tutoring session dressed up as a very pretty girl. Asuna's mother was very confused when she got home, but she didn't say a word. I'm grateful for that. At least Asuna was kind enough to help me take out the extensions, clean off the makeup, and get changed before I left so that I didn't have to go home dressed like that.

"Nick?" she murmured as I stretched, glad all that extra hair wasn't weighing me down anymore. I have no idea how Asuna put up with it day in and day out. "Thank you for today. I know we gave you a lot of grief." She idly ran her finger through my hair, ignoring my unamused stare at the action.

"What kind of little brother doesn't get teased by his big sisters?" I asked with a half-smile. "And... I wouldn't mind doing this again sometime." Asuna giggled. "The big sister thing," I clarified, rolling my eyes. "I wouldn't mind having big sisters... Though, if that means having to cross-dress, well... eggs and omelets, right?"

Asuna looked at me fondly, and then gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead before resting her cheek on the top of my head and holding me close. Somehow it worked, despite the eleven-centimeter height difference… Maybe because I was slouching. "You really are adorable, little brother. Troublesome, but adorable." I smiled happily. "And my blushing little sister was cute too. When will I get to see her again, I wonder?" she asked out loud.

"Oh, shut up, sis," I mumbled, leaning into her hug as she wrapped her arms around me. It'd end once I left, but it was nice being the younger sibling for once. It felt warm.

 **Nick is happy. He's usually the big brother to all of them, so letting them be the big sisters for once was fun for him. (he likes not being the 'responsible' one)**


	12. Transfer Student Time 2nd Period

**Chapter 12: Transfer Student Time / 2nd Period**

* * *

I stared at Korosensei. Then I rubbed my eyes, and took another look, hoping that maybe I was hallucinating from lack of sufficient sleep.

And, second look says... Nope. Nope, I'm not hallucinating. I looked out the window, staring at the pouring rain and trying to let my mind go blank. It's possible that I've finally snapped, and that staring at nothing for a few seconds will soft-reboot my brain software.

"Okie-dokie, boys and girls! Time for home room!"

Okay, that should be long enough. I nodded to myself and then turned back to the front of the room.

Korosensei really was standing up at the front of the class with a head about two or three times its norm. "Everyone take your seats!" he burbled, his voice thick. Everyone did as they were bid, but we all sat and stared, a little at a loss at what to do.

"Korosensei?" Ritsu asked gingerly after a few seconds. "Could you maybe explain why your head is thirty-three percent larger than before?"

Ah, so it was only 1.33 times larger than usual. Good to know.

"Ah, well, you see," Korosensei groaned, "it soaks up moisture like a sponge when exposed to all the humidity..."

Korosensei Weakness Number Fourteen: He's prone to being damp.

As Korosensei reached up and wrung at a portion of his skin, Kimura called out, "That's seriously kinda gross!"

Korosensei squeezed out all the water his head had collected, and I was both disgusted and fascinated by the fact that it filled up an entire bucket. "Now then," he continued, his voice back to normal, "according to Mr. Karasuma, we have _another_ transfer student joining us!"

Oh. Yay. Because the last one worked out _so_ well at first... I glanced over at Ritsu and silently grinned at her, wordlessly apologizing for being mean to her. She blinked, looking confused, but grinned back. "Great," Maehara sighed. "Ten to one it's gonna be another assassin."

"I made a bit more trouble for myself than I bargained for, underestimating Ritsu," Korosensei admitted. If by trouble, you mean getting a finger blown off on her second attack, then yes. Yes you did. "So rest assured I won't be making the same mistake twice!" He leveled an accusing tentacle at Ritsu, and the class turned to look at her. The adorable AI just giggled and smiled at everyone. "But I encourage all of you to see the new addition to our class as one more potential ally!"

Ugh. That means I have to _remake_ all the plans, and restructure my plotting, and I couldn't even begin _that_ until I had a handle on what this new kid would be capable of, since Karasuma saw it fitting not to warn us what we were in for, and _ugh_. _Work._

"Hey, heard anything?" Hara asked Ritsu, twisting in her seat. "I mean, since you're both new, figure you transfers gotta stick together, right?"

"Actually, I do know a little bit," Ritsu admitted, and my eyes opened fully. Ooh! Information! Gimme gimme gimme! "The original plan was for he and I to start at the same time," she began, "but it didn't work out that way." Obviously. "I would handle long-range attacks, and he would focus on close-range. Our combined efforts were to back Korosensei into a corner."

Yeah, I could see it - Ritsu would open fire on Korosensei from afar, forcing the octopus to keep dodging the hailstorm of bullets, and then this new shadowy transfer student would swoop in and cut Korosensei open from shoulder to stern.

"Except... our masters recalled the order, for, well... reasons." Ominous...

"Yeah?" Hara asked. "And those were?"

"For one, my counterpart needed a few tweaks before he could be put into the field," Ritsu answered. Isn't that always the way? You and a bunch of people are about to go on a raid, and then there's just that one guy that needs to repair his armor, or buy potions, or finish eating his dinner, or needs to _upgrade his fucking internet already_ holy shit how is your ping that bad you are literally teleporting from place to place like a slideshow. Ahem. "Second," Ritsu continued, and I blinked before focusing again. "It was deemed I lacked the capacity to support someone of his skill." We stared silently, giving her our full attention. "Compared to what _he's_ capable of, well, let's just say I don't quite measure up."

In the front of the room, Korosensei let out a shaky breath.

Hm... For Ritsu to say something like that? For Ritsu, and her infinite supply of bullets and guns from hammer space, and ability to calculate pretty much anything? For her to not measure up to this second transfer student... What kind of monster will be joining our class? "It's fine," I assured the AI girl. "Pretty sure everyone here thinks you'll beat him in terms of being more awesome, so there's that." Ritsu giggled.

The tension from Ritsu's little soliloquy - or was it a monologue? Could never keep those two straight - had diminished a little bit at my flippant response, but it spiked right back through the roof as the door to the room slid open right behind us. We all turned, trying to see who had opened our door.

A man stood there. He was dressed in all white robes, not a speck of different color to them; they also served to cover every inch of his skin, leaving not an inch of skin exposed to the air. His robes evoked an almost priestly vibe, with the pleated pants and white sash tied around his waist. But that in itself wasn't unusual; no, the most unusual part of his attire was the hood he was wearing. It covered his mouth and nose, and hung over his head, shrouding his eyes in darkness. All we could see were two glimmering points of light, his eyes glowing an ominous red. In short, he looked like bad news.

He just stood there, silently.

"Okay..." Kataoka said slowly. "Somebody likes to wear white."

"Shows off his purity of soul," I snarked.

"He's, uh, kinda tall for a kid," Okano said hesitantly. I looked over at Karma, but the red-head just glanced at me passively.

The man in white raised a hand and pointed accusingly at Korosensei. I raised an eyebrow. The man in white turned his hand over.

Then a puff of smoke burst from his hand, and I started slightly in surprise. When it cleared, though, I kinda just froze in place. A dove was resting on his palm, perfectly content to coo and stare at us. The entire class was frozen, half of us reaching for our concealed weapons and the other half ready to bolt.

"Ah hah hah hah hah!" the man in white laughed, his eyes creasing in what had to be a smile. The dove in his hand looked back and forth, chirping. "Sorry, everyone. Didn't mean to startle you." As he stashed the dove back in his robes, I blinked. Holy shit, his voice is amazing. "I can see that you're confused." It's like he pours it over every word and it's amazing holy shit. "I'm not your new classmate, just his guardian."

"But let's not stand on ceremony," he said, spreading an arm to the side. Now that I look again, I can see little bits of skin here and there. "Call me Shiro, please."

I laughed a little bit as the tension left my body. "I don't know what's creepier," Kayano muttered to herself and Nagisa. "A guy in all white, or a guy in all white doing magic." Magic tricks were always fascinating.

"Yeah," Nagisa agreed as Shiro stepped inside our classroom and slid the door shut behind him. "That entrance even freaked out Korose-"

I blinked and looked over as Nagisa paused mid-word. What was... Oh. Korosensei had liquefied himself and shoved himself in to the corner of the ceiling, staring at Shiro with a nervous expression on his face.

"Oh come on, give us a break!" Isogai complained. Korosensei turned and started laughing sheepishly. "That really scared you enough to use the liquefied trick?!" I reached for my gun, but a quick estimate of his reaction time, even as shaken as he was, told me the bullet wouldn't stand a chance of hitting him.

"M-m-m-my imagination just ran a little wild after Ritsu's story, that's all!" Korosensei told us, clearly trying to find an excuse for his cowardice.

Korosensei Weakness Number Fifteen: He buys into rumors.

"N-n-nice to meet you, Mr. Shiro," Korosensei said, his voice going back to normal as he slipped back into his Korosensei robes and reformed into his normal shape. "When might we get to greet your, um... ward?"

Shiro simply removed a small box from his large, empty sleeves, and slowly approached Korosensei. "It's an honor, Korosensei," he rumbled. Knife? No, too hard to get it out of the box in time. Gun? No, no trigger. Explosive? Possible. "Apologies for my ward, as you call him, being late for class. I beg your patience... He'll be here in due course." I noticed Karasuma standing by the window, but I hadn't seen him approach. When did he... "When the time is right."

Shiro strode up to the desk, but paused for some reason and looked around the classroom. His eyes fell on the spot where Nagisa and Kayano sat, and I turned to look. He seemed to be looking at Nagisa; Kayano was looking at her neighbor in confusion, and Nagisa was just staring blankly back at Shiro.

Then Shiro's gaze resumed roaming, only to fall on the back of the class, where Karma and I sat. I tilted my head curiously as his eyes bored into me and -

My eyes slid to the side, away from the man in white, though I'm not really sure why. All I know is that my instincts wanted me to not look at him, and they'd served me well in Aincrad. I looked over at Karma, doing my absolute best to ignore the gaze of Shiro, and saw that my own neighbor was staring at the man in white calmly, without seeming to notice a thing. I don't... I don't know what was going on, but I don't like it... Something about Shiro unnerves me. And I can't put my finger on it.

"Is something wrong?" Korosensei asked Shiro, and I felt a sort of pressure lift off of my shoulders. I turned back to the front to see the man looking at Korosensei.

"Not at all," Shiro deflected his question smoothly, and held the box out to Korosensei. As Korosensei took it and unwrapped it, I realized it was some sort of snack. "It seems an interesting group. I'm confident he'll fit in _perfectly_."

"Allow me to introduce him," Shiro said, turning to face the door that he'd entered from. The class, as one, let out a murmur of surprise and confusion and turned to look at the door ourselves. " _Now_ , Itona. Come."

Nothing happened. Really? Did the kid get tired of standing out in the hall and wander off somewhere? If that's the case, how in the world would they think he could -

The back wall exploded inwards.

What the shit? I blinked in surprise as the rest of the class shouted and screamed. Pieces of wood went flying, and those unlucky enough to be in the row right between Karma and Terasaka had to duck and cover as the chunks went over their head. Dust billowed from the sudden new entrance, and a figure strode through.

He didn't look left or right, and he completely ignored the shouts and confusion echoing through the classroom. He had silver hair, and _something_ was up with his eyes. Like, they were open too wide, or something. He silently walked to the only empty desk in the classroom, the one between Karma and Terasaka, and took a seat. "Victory is mine," he declared. "I have proven myself stronger than the classroom wall!"

"Come on!" everyone shouted in unison. "Use the door next time!"

Ugh, now there was going to be a _draft_! I wish walls were Immortal Objects. ...Bwahah, that would have been hilarious. The kid tries to walk through - and then just eats shit when he runs into a wall.

"Only strength matters," Itona - at least, I'm assuming that's Itona, our transfer student, since he was wearing the uniform and everything - said. "Everything else is crap."

I could _see_ Terasaka thinking, ' _Awesome, he's gonna be a douche._ '

Glancing at Korosensei, even he wasn't sure how to react... "Is he smiling, or cringing?" Isogai asked uncertainly.

It was a little of... both? I don't even know how to describe it. "I don't think there's a name for that face!" Sugaya whispered. Mouth-squiggle. That works.

"I give you, Itona Horibe," Shiro introduced the kid. Good for him? "Or, if you prefer, just Itona."

A guardian in all white, a transfer student that I couldn't even begin to predict... Oh, this is just going to be _fan_ -tastic, I can just tell already.

"Hey, new kid," Karma said, a little pointedly. "Mind if I ask you a question? You came in from the rain without an umbrella." I frowned. Hm. I'd missed that on my first scan of him, but Karma has a point. "It's coming down in buckets out there, and somehow there's not a drop on you. What's the story with that?"

I grinned and leaned on my desk a little bit. "Clearly, Karma, he proved he was stronger than the rain and so it fled before his vast might."

Itona looked at the two of us silently, and I listened to the murmurs of the class. They were noticing it as well, the fact that he was bone-dry when it shouldn't be possible.

Itona stood up, and Karma looked at him with a sound of confusion. "You're the strongest one in this class, aren't you?" he asked Karma. Hey... I think I should take offense to that... Well, I know that physically Karma has more power than me, but I like to think that I have a little bit better technique. "But you don't have to worry," he continued, resting a hand on Karma's head. "You're still weaker than me," he assured Karma, leaning in close. "That means you get to live."

Hm. Probability I'll get in trouble if I shoot this idiot in the face? Eh, pretty high. It'd feel good, though. Itona didn't even glance my way, which was a little bit insulting. "You're beneath my skill," Itona sneered before he walked away. Karma, unflappable as always, just looked forward like nothing had happened and scratched at his head. "And I only kill things that are stronger than me. And in this case, Korosensei," he said, staring at our teacher. For his part, Korosensei was ignoring most of this and chewing away at the treat Shiro had given him. "That means you." He leveled a finger at our teacher.

"Ah," Korosensei said, swallowing a mouthful and grinning smugly at Itona. "I believe I'm starting to get a clear picture of your M.O. Well, look no further," he boasted. "I'm stronger than you by a whole order of magnitude."

"Yeah... Sure." Itona rummaged in his pocket. "Not so much," he said, striding up even closer as he took out a smaller version of the treat Shiro had gifted Korosensei. My eyes narrowed. "Truth is, you and me are actually brothers."

What.

 _Whaaaa?!_ the entire class gaped at Korosensei and Itona.

 _Bro..._

 _Bro..._ I imagined a little Korosensei lying side by side with a little Itona in a crib.

 _Bro..._ An Itona wearing an orange jumpsuit with a blazing battle aura, facing off against a Korosensei in power armor and his own battle aura.

 _Bro..._ Itona with a handkerchief and a fancy suit, a yellow glow around his fist as he faced off against a fanged Korosensei.

 _Bro..._ Itona, offering the firstborn lambs, and Korosensei, offering fruits and vegetables.

 _Brothers?!_ the entire class stared in complete and total shock.

Whaaaaaaat.

Also, as an aside, damn it, Sugu. Making me watch those shows with you... Eh, I enjoyed it. Spending time with my sister was always fun.

Itona, still staring at Korosensei, bit at the wrapper of the treat and tore it off without giving any indication he was aware the size of the bomb he dropped. He pointed the treat at Korosensei. "Winner takes all, loser dies," he declared. "Big bro." Korosensei stared in shock, mumbling to himself, while the rest of us watched the two interact. "We siblings have to keep it real," he said as he walked over to Shiro. "No tricks, no bull. Just the two of us. After school," he said, sliding the door open and stepping out, "we face off in this classroom."

He slid the door shut behind him.

There was dead silence for about three seconds as everyone stared at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. Beside me, I could feel Karma quietly seething in his chair, though he hid it well.

Then the entire class exploded into a riotous barrage of questions aimed directly at Korosensei. "What's going on, sir?!" Kurahashi shouted. "Why did he say you were brothers?!"

"How can an octopus and a person come from the same mom?!" Okajima shouted.

Those were the only two I could really make out over the din of everyone shouting, trying to be heard at the same time. All but five or six of the kids were out of their seats; I'd propped my legs against the desk and was balancing on just two chair legs, watching this with narrowed eyes.

Shiro had assisted Itona. It'd been clear from the second the kid pulled out that matching snack. Shiro's gift had been a Trojan Horse, designed to use Korosensei's love of sugar against him and make Itona's accusation hit home all that much harder. Everyone believed it now, just because of the sympathetic nature between the two, whereas before it would have been met with half-disbelief. While it was a brilliant move, it meant that my suspicions were right - Shiro was the more dangerous of the pair that entered our class today.

"I have no Earthly idea!" Korosensei babbled, panicking. "That boy is clearly confused! I was raised an only child! When I asked my parents for siblings, they gave me a talking-to about the birds and the bees!" How... how does that even work with octopi? I remember reading somewhere that the male literally took a packet of sperm and shoved it in, but I can't remember if that was octopi or squid, or even how the whole thing worked.

"Wait, you actually had parents?" Maehara asked, blinking. Yes, because _that_ was the thing you should focus on in that sentence.

The rest of the morning was largely shot at that point; nobody could really focus with that whole bomb coming out of nowhere. I wonder if Karasuma knew about this, or if this came as just as much a shock to him as it did to the class. Seriously, though, how were people supposed to focus on learning about parabolas when our teacher had a long-lost brother come out of nowhere? I know I was more interested in figuring out what was up with Itona than listening to Korosensei lecture, and by the whispers among the entire class they weren't exactly paying attention either.

Judging by the few errors that I caught Korosensei make before he hurriedly fixed them, I get the feeling he wasn't paying attention either.

All in all, lunchtime just kinda showed up, and I think everyone was a little startled by the bell when it finally rang. Surprisingly, Itona - who had been skipping class up until now, though I have no idea what he could possibly be doing - entered the classroom and took a seat, carrying armfuls of junk food. Another similarity to Korosensei... Are they deliberately pushing it? I get the feeling Itona is the brawn of the outfit, and his handler the brains. Given Itona's fixation on brute-force application of strength, I doubt psychological tricks were in his wheelhouse. This is definitely Shiro at work again.

I brought my lunch over to Nagisa's desk, sitting down with him and Kayano. Karma joined us a little bit after that, sipping at another box of juice. "So, what do you think of the new kid?" I asked idly. Karma just hummed thoughtfully.

I glanced over at Itona; the kid was tearing into his chocolate bar with single-minded ferocity, staring at Korosensei without blinking. Maybe that's what's weird with his eyes, he's staring, eyes wide, and I have yet to see him blink.

"Ugh," Maehara muttered. "He's wolfing the junk food like it's going out of style! He's definitely got Korosensei's sweet tooth." That was an understatement; the pile of snacks on his desk was almost as tall as he was, and I'm pretty sure they were all different to boot.

"And both their faces are equally hard to read," Isogai murmured.

At the front of the classroom, Korosensei was staring at Itona just like the rest of the class. "Wonderful," he muttered. He had a stack of candy that was - surprise of surprises - exactly the same as the one Itona was plowing through. "Itona's little comment has the whole class comparing us in every detail!" He set his candy bar down and looked up. "I need a distraction... Ah yes!"

As Korosensei started rummaging through his pockets, I noticed the light blush. Is that really something he should be doing during the school day, especially in front of all of us oh-so-impressionable youngsters? I doubt it, somehow. "I'll take my mind off things by poring over this girly magazine! Nothing like a little adult reading material!"

He flipped it open and I sighed, looking at the cover. Seriously, why do guys think with their lower brains? Then I looked back at Itona, and sighed again, harder this time. Seriously? He has the _exact same magazine_? He wasn't even looking at the damn thing, he was still staring at Korosensei.

As Korosensei yelped in shock, Okajima stood up and clenched a fist. "This cinches it!" he exclaimed, his fist shaking. "They're both boob guys! Okay, the new kid's credibility just shot through the roof!"

Nagisa sighed. "So, that's really all it took, huh?" he asked. The others were just watching with resigned half-smiles. To be fair, Okajima made stupid announcements like this one basically daily. We'd all become inured to them, a little bit.

"Hell yeah!" Okajima exclaimed, turning around. "We boob men are all brothers!" ...Inured a little bit, not _that_ much. I slapped my forehead with my palm and let out a harsh sigh when I saw that he was holding up his own copy of the exact same magazine. UGH. There's three of them, now. They're multiplying. Oh gods, they're multiplying.

"Here's the thing," Kayano said, moving on past Okajima's daily bout of too much sharing. "If they really _are_ related, I mean, don't you think Korosensei would have known about it?"

"Hm..." Fuwa hummed in thought, laying a finger alongside her cheek. "Not necessarily...

"There was a great war between two mighty armies, each octopus warrior decked in shining metal armor. But the armor was darkened by the soot of the raging fires, and the octopus knights were locked in mortal combat, each fighting the octopus in front of him with eyes for no others.

"'Your highness!' the king's advisor shouted, kneeling in front of his liege. 'The enemy is upon us! All is lost!'

"'So be it,' the octopus king declared, his sonorous voice echoing through the empty hall and cutting through the faint echoes of steel against steel. 'My sons', he said, turning to a young Korosensei and Itona, 'you alone will survive.'

"They were sent away while the remaining knights mounted a desperate and brave last stand, buying the young princes time to escape. 'Hurry, little brother!' Korosensei shouted, pulling Itona by the hand. 'We've no time!'

"As they approached the wooden bridge, Korosensei turned and drew his sword, holding it in one tentacle. 'Clear the bridge and escape is assured!' he shouted, gesturing for Itona to run.

"But fate did not let the brothers escape; cowardly archers struck, seeing their chance, and the mighty Korosensei fell, shot in the back, into the rushing river water. 'Brotherrrr!' Itona shouted, trying desperately to race along the riverbank and pull his brother out.

"'Go!' Korosensei shouted. 'I am lost! Leave me! You have to...'

"'No! Brother!' Itona shouted.

"'You have to live!' Korosensei declared with his last breath before being swept away by the current.

"Once grown, each was driven by cruel fate to battle the other," Fuwa said, wrapping up her story, "without knowing their opponent's true identity!"

"That still doesn't explain why Itona's human," Kayano sighed.

"Easy," Fuwa waved it away. "He's a mutation!"

Kayano blinked. "You totally glossed over the core issue here!"

I hummed in thought. Mm, six out of ten, I think, given she kinda just came up with it off the top of her head. The escape was inspired, but there was no real reason for Korosensei to make a last stand of sorts when there was nobody chasing them. Perhaps have a squad of knights, on their heels with swords drawn. "If there was enough smoke and soot in the air to blacken all that metal, no normal archer would be able to make a good shot. My sister probably could, but then again she's one in a million."

"Y'know, I never hear you talk about your family," Sugino mentioned. Kayano and Nagisa looked at me curiously.

"It just never comes up," I shrugged, dodging the question smoothly.

"No offense," Hara said, "but your characters are cliché, and the plot's ridiculous!"

"Hey!" Fuwa complained. "No one asked for your criticism!"

"If you haven't noticed, we're sorta dealing with real life here!"

The girls all started squabbling over the story Fuwa threw together. I just studiously ignored it and munched at my lunch.

Classes the rest of the day seemed to just vanish, and before I knew it the bell rang for the end of the school day. A few uneasy glances were shared around the room, but we all got up and started shifting desks. Shiro came in halfway through, and I did my best to avoid looking at him or even coming near his general area.

Eventually, we'd finished moving the desks out to the edge of the classroom to create a ring for Korosensei and Itona; even Ritsu'd been moved slightly, though given the weight of her box it took a bunch of us to shift her the small distance we could manage. The two fighters stood in the ring, facing each other, and I glanced out the window. Still raining... Ugh. I don't mind rain, but when it's coming down like this and blotting out the sun for the entire day, I start to get a little tired of it.

The thing is, usually when it's raining like this I spend most of my time in the virtual world with Kana and the rest of my family. As a result, there's been this dull ache in my chest the whole day long. It's starting to get annoying.

The tension in the room was almost palpable, with everyone standing around and waiting for something to happen. Without saying a word, Itona grasped the weird fur collar thing around the neck of his jacket and tossed the entire thing in the air, revealing the red sleeveless shirt he was wearing underneath. Wait, how'd he do that? I swear his arms were through the sleeves of the jacket a second ago. Korosensei watched him, making uncertain sounds.

"This place looks like an arena," Professor Bitch observed from her position by the door, next to Karasuma.

"Yeah," the Ministry of Defense agent agreed. "Fit for an honest death match. It's the first time I've seen an assassin take this approach."

It's an interesting one; by doing so, he's eliminated the worst of Korosensei's advantages, his ability to escape. "Surely by now, you're tired of plucky, overly-complicated attempts on your life," Shiro said drily as Itona stared at Korosensei. "So let's confine ourselves to one room. Step outside the desk boundary, and your life is forfeit." By setting that one rule, Korosensei must abide by it; his students and assassins - us - are watching, so if he breaks the simple rule he will lose credibility as a teacher and a target. And if there was one thing I'd picked up from Karma's early attempts at killing Korosensei, that was something he would not allow. "Agreed?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, whatever," Sugino scoffed. "As if the loser's gonna stick to that without any issues."

"They will," Karma said with no particular tone to his voice. "Korosensei's all about how students see him, remember? He'll abide by the rules out of a sense of honor. Cheating would risk throwing shade on his reputation with us."

"And Itona can't break the rule either," I said softly. "Because once he has, Korosensei will no longer be bound to the agreement either. The ribbon might be made of silk, yes, but it's stronger than steel."

Korosensei seemed to consider the deal, head bowed slightly. Then he lifted his head. "Very well, sir," he proclaimed. "I agree to your rule! But let's agree on another. Injuring any spectators," he said, raising a tentacle, "also counts as a forfeit." Very clever; Korosensei's biggest weakness is his deal with the Ministry of Defense to protect us. If he has to choose between sacrificing himself or letting us come to harm, he's forced by his honor to take the former option.

Itona nodded. "Agreed," Shiro said, sounding almost amused. "Commence on my signal," he said, raising a hand. "Assassination..." The students watched nervously as the tension skyrocketed.

Shiro swept his hand down. "Begin!"

There was a crack of air.

Korosensei's left tentacle was disarmed just below where his robe ended. The severed limb was sent flying.

My jaw dropped, and I stared. For what seemed like far longer than it should have been, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight. Judging by the stunned silence after a group intake of breath, everyone in the class was staring. And despite everything, what had captured everyone's attention effortlessly wasn't his amputated limb, lying on the ground.

"Impossible," Korosensei whispered. "He has..."

The air was filed with the sound of writhing silver tentacles, all coming from the same location - Itona.

Korosensei was frozen, staring at his severed arm. The rest of the class gasped in shock at the revelation. I like to think of moments like this as 'Oh shit' moments. "Itona's hair is..." Nagisa murmured. "...made of tentacles?" Because whenever they occur, the only thing you can think is 'Oh, shit.'

Beside me, Karma nodded and smirked as though he'd figured something out. What could he... Ah. The dilemma this morning with the rain. Itona must have stayed dry the same way that Korosensei protected us from the dangerous particles when flying me, Karma, and Nagisa to Hawaii. He just batted the raindrops away before they could land in his hair.

"How is this possible?!" Korosensei growled, and I blinked. He was using his angry voice. The classroom got a strange foreboding chill about it, and I heard Nagisa gasp. "Tell me where those tentacles came from!" Korosensei growled, his face rippling in anger as he faded from cheery yellow to pitch black. " _Why_ does someone like you have them?!"

"We're neither at liberty nor obligated to say," Shiro said simply, arms folded inside the sleeves of his robe. "But I hope this serves to convince you. You may have come from different parents, enjoyed different upbringings... but nevertheless," Shiro said, Itona staring straight ahead at Korosensei, his eyes intense, "you are indeed brothers."

I guess tentacles are thicker than water.

Shiro laughed quietly. "What a face you're making," he taunted Korosensei. Our teacher's eyes were glowing red. "Does this encounter stir up unpleasant memories, perhaps?" Whatever he was talking about, it had to be something to do with how Korosensei was created. Maybe that promise he'd mentioned before, the one to be a teacher?

"Clearly," Korosensei growled, "you and I need to have a little _talk_!" As he roared, his arm regenerated with a splattering of goop.

"Not possible," Shiro said flatly as he raised his left arm. "You'll be dead."

A strange violet light shone out, illuminating Korosensei. The octopus gasped in shock. "This pressure ray has a very useful effect at close range," Shiro mentioned idly as Korosensei seemed to struggle to move. "It triggers the dilatant properties of your skin cells."

Itona whipped his tentacles out and slammed them into Korosensei, sending our teacher flying with a cry. The dilatant properties? The thing that hardened his head when flying at Mach 20 to break the air over him? Ah, so his entire body must have hardened up, preventing him from moving. "You become stiff as a board, instantaneously," Shiro continued, giving a thumbs down, Roman Coliseum style. "That's right! Itona and I are on intimate terms with your every weakness." Itona didn't let up the tentacle assault for an instant, raining blow after blow on the prone Korosensei.

The students seemed almost concerned. "Damn," Mimura whispered.

"Woah! Did he get him?" Muramatsu said, trying to peer through the dust and wood chips.

"No," Terasaka said. "Look up!"

I narrowed my eyes at the shed skin lying on the ground, then glanced at where Korosensei was gamely clinging to one of the ceiling lights, panting heavily. As I watched, the last of the hardened skin cells faded away. "Shedding your skin?" Shiro observed. "Ah, yes, we know about that little trick too," he said as Itona slowly walked to the center of the floor. "You see, Korosensei, there's an aspect to even that which constitutes an Achilles Heel." Korosensei's eyes widened and he dashed away from the light just as Itona struck again, his silver tentacles slashing for the light. They curved in midair, following Korosensei as he tried to escape and bending impossibly quickly. "You see, molting costs you dearly in terms of energy."

Korosensei Weakness Number Sixteen: He's vulnerable right after molting.

"That prodigious speed plummets while you recover." Itona leaned forward, somehow intensifying the tentacle assault. I gritted my teeth as Korosensei shouted. "Oh, and look! You've grown back that arm Itona lopped off in his initial attack, that's even _more_ energy you've lost!"

Korosensei Weakness Number Seventeen: He's vulnerable right after regeneration.

"By my calculations, at the moment this makes the two of you a fairly even match for one another," Shiro continued implacably, his red eyes gleaming from beneath his hood. The students watched, horrified, as Korosensei was constantly running away, barely escaping death. "Using one's tentacles effectively calls for a great deal of mental stamina, too."

Korosensei Weakness Number Two: He loses his composure easily.

"And it appears Itona's dirty little secret pulled the rug out from under your state of mind." Korosensei yelped and gasped, dodging the tentacles as they slammed into the ground. "Which, of course, was the idea." Itona launched himself forward. "Not to boast, but it's obvious who has the upper hand. Oh, also," Shiro added mockingly, "he has the help of his devoted guardian."

Korosensei Weakness Number Eighteen: His skin hardens and his body hardens when exposed to a special beam.

The beam of light shone, and Korosensei let out a strangled cry. Itona launched himself into the air before spinning, wrapping his tentacles around himself and smashing into the ground. Two of Korosensei's feet tentacles were lost in the attack, flying into the air from the force of the impact.

Kayano and Kanzaki gasped in shock. Itona spun to his feet, crouched in a stance with his tentacles at the ready. Korosensei staggered back, gasping, before crashing to his knees and panting. Shiro laughed cheerfully. "Uh-oh, you'll have to grow those pesky legs back now too! That's an even bigger energy deficit."

Itona straightened up and stepped towards Korosensei. "That was easier than I thought," he declared, the students on the other side of the room watching in horror. "Look at you... Not so tough now, huh?"

Korosensei was, frankly, on the ropes. Shiro and Itona had taken the weaknesses and exploited them brutally and efficiently, backing Korosensei into a corner with every step. If they actually kill our teacher, the world will be saved. Everyone will live on.

But...

Beside me, Nagisa took out a knife from his vest's inner sheath.

But I can't seem to be excited about this development in the slightest. They knew all his weak points, and they were able to zero in on them one after the other. That was cool - that was my entire job, gods know. But this was _my_ kill, damn it all. _I_ was the one that was supposed to kill him, using _my_ methods and doing it _my_ way. This...

My stomach burned, just like it did back when Y-Yuuki was... when Yuuki was being a friend to everyone when I couldn't be. But it was different, subtly but enough for me to notice. This wasn't jealousy. It wasn't aimed towards someone I admi-… someone I respected.

This was resentment.

Korosensei's feet tentacles grew back, and Shiro calmly took a few steps to the side to get out from behind Itona. "Ah, I see your legs have regenerated," he said as Korosensei panted. "Feeling ready for the next onslaught, are we?"

Korosensei straightened up slightly, still panting. "No one's ever run me this ragged before," he ground out, his voice hoarse. "And here I thought I was signing up for a garden-variety face-off." He cracked his finger tentacles - or, well, tried. They went squish more than crack. "There's quite a bit more strategy afoot than I expected. I have so many questions for the pair of you," he continued as he and Itona started circling each other again. "Of course, if I lose there won't be much opportunity to pick your brain." He was still irritated - his voice was gruff.

"Still think you can win?" Shiro asked lightly. "Your confidence doesn't strike you as misguided?"

"Mr. Shiro," Korosensei said, drawing himself up and pointing a finger at the man in white. "For all your planning, there's one thing you don't seem to have taken into account." What? What had the smug bastard missed? I scanned the field, eyes flicking back and forth. I couldn't see it. I couldn't see it, where was the puzzle piece that unlocked everything?

"Not likely," Shiro ground out. "No detail has been overlooked, no angle is unconsidered." Itona leapt into the air in a single massive leap. "Finish him."

The silver tentacles stabbed out at Korosensei and struck.

Korosensei fell back.

I blinked in shock.

Silver goop sprayed in the air, and Itona grunted in pain and surprise as one of his tentacles liquefied. "What do we have here?" Korosensei laughed, blurring to a halt in front of Kayano. "Hm, I seem to be standing in something you dropped," he laughed. Anti-Korosensei knives were littering the floor where Itona's tentacles had struck. When did he...

The students. That's what Shiro overlooked, the students! Us!

The puzzle piece clicked into place and I let out a short breath of accomplishment as the light bloomed. Korosensei, in the brief instant between Itona's attack and the strike, had rushed around and collected the knives each of us had on us. I patted my pant leg and sure enough, it was missing. Shiro's plan would have worked whether the students were present or not, and our presence was the final variable that he'd failed to take into consideration. Every single one of Itona's strikes had heavy follow-through, and Korosensei took advantage of that to make him slam his own tentacles into the Anti-Korosensei knives. Like the difference between a dagger and a two-handed sword in Alfheim.

Nagisa stared at Korosensei, who'd turned grey and stone-faced, then down at his hands. His empty hands. I could see his thoughts on his face: _How did I miss that?!_

Probably the same way I missed Korosensei literally rooting through my pockets.

Thrown by the sudden loss of his tentacles, Itona gasped and staggered. Before he could recover, though, Korosensei's old skin plopped down on his head. "An Anti-me blade," he said as he wrapped Itona up in the skin and lifted the boy, "works just as well on _your_ tentacles as they do _mine_." Itona struggled, grunting, but it was futile. Korosensei's old skin was surprisingly strong. "Every generation takes just as much a toll. You may be exceptionally strong," he said, rearing back, " _but..._ I'm exceptionally _clever_! Yeeee hee hee hee!" With a delighted cackle, he whipped his tentacle forward and threw Itona through the window between me and Karma and out onto the grass.

Damn it... _We're_ gonna have to pick up the glass, aren't we...

The kids in the class gasped. "Don't worry, children," Korosensei assured us. "He's fine. My old skin kept him perfectly safe." Eh, it could take a grenade at point-blank range, I'm not surprised it managed to hold on through getting tossed through a window, especially in a building this crappy. "Technically, though, Itona, you are outside the boundary!" he called happily. " _In yo' face!_ " Korosensei taunted, green smug stripes across his face. "I win! Nani-nani-boo-boo! Et cetera, et cetera."

Wow, he's a _really_ shitty winner.

"No more tryin' to kill me with your guardian's help," Korosensei taunted.

Itona just stared, motionless. Then his pupils contracted and he growled, clearly infuriated.

"If, however," Korosensei continued, "you'd like to stay, perhaps learn a thing or two along with the rest of the class? We'll welcome you with open arms. Bear in mind, what you learn here can't necessarily be quantified. You are a gifted young man," he said to Itona, "but I am richer in experience. I became a teacher," he said, "so that I could translate that experience into something which can enrich others."

He tapped his head with a tentacle. "The way to assassinate me isn't through honing in on my weaknesses, but by absorbing my lessons!"

Hm. He might be on to something, there. Still, weaknesses were a little bit more effective, especially if I took his lessons into consideration at the same time.

"Are you saying," Itona growled, "that I'm never gonna be strong enough to beat you?" His eyes snapped open, and I blinked, starting slightly. His sclera - sclera? Cornea? Whatever, the white stuff - had turned black, with red jagged colors. "You think that I'm _weak_?!" he raged, suddenly crazed.

"Oh, no," Shiro sighed from behind us. "Itona's not a fan of being lectured to..."

"Nyeh?" Korosensei murmured, staring as Itona's tentacles regenerated.

"If Korosensei continues to lord his knowledge over him," Shiro continued quietly, " _genocide_ is in the air."

Itona let out a scream of pure rage and his tentacles exploded into motion. They were darkened, black and rage-filled, and Itona whipped them around wildly. "Black tentacles?" Nakamura gasped.

"I think the dude's about to go postal!" Maehara shouted.

"I am strong!" Itona ranted, eyes still black and mutated. "These tentacles assure my victory over everyone! _Everyone_!" He jumped towards us, landing on the broken windowsill. With another howl of rage, he launched himself towards Korosensei.

There was a frozen moment where none of us could do anything but watch as Korosensei backed away from Itona.

The soft burst of an air gun firing interrupted Itona's howl of rage as a small glimmer streaked through the air and slammed into the boy. He collapsed to the ground in a heap, flat on his back, instantly. I twitched, looking at Shiro, but he just calmly retracted the gun he'd had hidden in his other sleeve. "Pardon us, Korosensei," the man in white said smoothly as the class stared at the prone boy. "My hot-headed ward isn't exactly prime classroom material at the best of times." He lowered his hand and slid one of the desks aside, stepping over to where Itona was lying. "It's not lost on me that this is his first day, but a mandatory vacation is clearly in order."

Shiro hoisted Itona onto his back. "Excuse me," Korosensei snapped, "I can't let you walk out of here with him. He's my student. Until graduation, his well-being falls on me." Korosensei didn't lose the wide grin he'd had ever since he beat Itona, but something in him was dangerous. "And frankly, I also have a lot of questions to ask you, Mr. Shiro."

"Sorry," Shiro said, not sounding sorry in the slightest. "We're leaving. Unless you'd care to use force."

Korosensei snarled and reached out to grab Shiro's shoulder as the man in white walked past. "Guh-wha?!" he gasped as his tentacles burst into goop just by brushing the white material.

"Anti-Sensei fibers," Shiro said without looking back, reaching up and wiping away the yellow goop. "I have no intention of being restrained by you. Not to worry, my conscientious friend," he continued, "he'll be back before you know it. March _is_ almost upon us, after all." Shiro turned to glance at Korosensei. "In the meantime, _I'll_ take responsibility for his well-being, thank you.

Shiro strode out of the room, and Korosensei didn't move to stop him again. I suppose that should we want to stop him, Class E could probably manage to pull down one guy - but I didn't really want to stop him from taking Itona away. This was supposed to be _our_ kill, not his, and if there was some time before the kid with tentacles could try again, then so much the better.

As I watched Shiro walk away, Itona slung over his shoulder, the rain started pouring again. What unpredictable weather we were having today, it seemed.

How strange that I couldn't remember when it stopped.

 _And the rain rain rain came down down down, in rushing, rising riv'lets…_

* * *

"Ugh!" Korosensei grunted, sitting at the front of the classroom. He had his face buried in his tentacles, but even from the back of the room I could see the bright red flush of embarrassment across his entire face. "I'm so dreadfully embarrassed!"

"What's wrong with him all of a sudden?" Kataoka wondered as she moved her chair back into position.

"He's been this way for a while," Okano grinned.

I laughed to myself as I slid Ritsu's box back into position. "Isn't it always the worst, realizing that in the heat of battle you said something that you thought was cool, only to realize that it really, _really_ wasn't?" Not that that's ever happened to me. Nope. I deny everything categorically.

"I wouldn't know," Ritsu said. "Because I'm an AI." I didn't respond verbally to that and just settled for giving her a flat stare. We both knew that was bullshit. She giggled, and after a second my own grin broke through my dour disapproving glare.

"A grim turn of events has brought out my serious side," Korosensei wailed, still hiding his face from us. "And I'm ashamed! You children are supposed to think of me as comic relief!" Well, he was hiding his face... I took aim and fired, but unfortunately he still dodged the bullet. Sigh.

"We are?" Okano asked him.

"I know I laugh at him," I shrugged.

"But you got so serious about it," Hazama said. She was the token female member of Terasaka's gang of hooligans, but I didn't really know that much about her. "Tell me where those tentacles came from!" she shouted, mimicking Korosensei's demand to Itona. "Why does someone like you have them?!"

"Gaaaah!" Korosensei shrieked, his blush luminescent. "Don't repeat that! Just hearing those words again makes me want to bury my head in the sand! I'm a free-spirited impish type, who cleverly dodges direct questions! That's my shtick!"

Nagisa and Kayano both looked at me, for some reason. I blinked back at them, confused. What?

"I was forced to break character," Korosensei sobbed, shaking his head.

Korosensei Weakness Number Nineteen: He gets embarrassed after a serious scene.

Sugino sighed. "Dissecting your character type is what's humiliating."

"What a day, huh?" Professor Bitch asked. I glanced over at the entrance to the classroom to see her standing behind Sugino. "Was anyone else caught off-guard by the tentacles growing out of that boy's head?"

Korosensei paused as the air of the classroom shifted from poking fun at him to genuinely curious. I hopped up on my desk and kicked my legs idly in the air. "Level with us, sir," Isogai said. "What's up?"

"Yeah," Okajima agreed, "how are you connected to those guys?"

"And no sidestepping the issue like you normally do," Kataoka said. "We all have a right to know."

"You don't want our imaginations running wild," Sugino pointed out. I glanced at Fuwa - too late, for a few of us.

"Exactly," Kataoka agreed. Each student was watching Korosensei, waiting to see what he'd do. "C'mon, we're your students. If you can't open up to us, what are we here for?" I'd suggest maybe learning? Y'know, that thing you do in classrooms?

Korosensei straightened up. "No, you're right," he agreed. "It's high time I told you children the truth." I raised an eyebrow. "In reality... your teacher..."

Everyone waited as Korosensei paused, visibly collecting himself. "...Is a biologically engineered lifeform!" he announced, pointing to himself.

There was basically no reaction. "Um, _yeah_ ," Kataoka said. "Duh."

"Gah!" Korosensei shrieked. "That's all I get?" Everyone was just kinda standing there, a little blank-faced at the reveal we'd just gotten. It was kinda like opening a present at Christmas, only to realize you'd just gotten socks. "Pardon me if I expected a bit more of a reaction!"

"Whaaaaaaaat?" I exclaimed, drawing out the vowel deliberately and making my voice raise in pitch while I flailed my arms wildly. "You're not... Gasp! Human?!" I said the word, more than actually gasping, but the rest of my delivery was as melodramatic as I could make it. I was reacting for thirty, here, give me _some_ leeway.

"Sir," Okajima pointed out, "we kinda noticed that you're an octopus that flies through the air at Mach 20."

"But you said you're not from another planet," Hara said, "so that rules out alien."

"And how else can you and Itona be brothers when you had different parents, unless you were biologically engineered?" Fuwa asked. I'd like to point out that Kazuto is my brother despite being unrelated to me in any way. But that came about mainly because he saved my life so many times and I'd saved his that we'd stopped keeping count a while back.

"Oh mah!" Korosensei gasped in a southern drawl. Why is he talking like that? "You boys and gihls ah in- _crehdibly_ shahp!"

"Sir, focus on what happened today," Nagisa insisted. "Why were you mad? His tentacles upset you. We've never seen you like that." Except for that one time when Nagisa almost blew himself up, but I think he was upset for a different reason that time. "Does it have something to do with why you were created in the first place? I mean, why are you even here?"

The class was silent for a few seconds. Then, deliberately, Korosensei raised a tentacle. "All very good questions," he said, waving his tentacle. "Too bad they won't matter." The aura in the classroom shifted. "Soon, everything you want to know will be reduced to space dust. Swirling in the place where Earth used to be." His grin widened slightly, showing off his teeth. The class tensed. "On the other hand," Korosensei proclaimed, "if you're serious about saving this planet, you'll have ample opportunity to learn the truth between now and then." His grin curled up a little bit more. "They say curiosity killed the cat, but if those inquiring minds are to be satisfied, you'll have to continue trying to kill me!

"Teacher, student. Assassin, target. Those are the ties that bind us to one another in this classroom. Nothing comes from nothing, boys and girls. If you want answers, work for them! Show me what you've learned!" Korosensei turned and slithered towards the door. "If we're done giving yours truly the third degree, class dismissed!" He slid the door open.

And then he hid his face in his hands, blushing again. "So embarrassed," he muttered.

Well, that just ruined the mood.

I'm an assassin; if I want to find my answers, I'm going to have to find it at the tip of my knife's blade. My target is my teacher, and my question is his life.

I look forward to finding the outcome of this particular puzzle.

After the door slid shut behind Korosensei, Professor Bitch exited the classroom too, citing something in the staff room that needed her attention. "You know what we have to do now, right?" Isogai asked the class in general. There was a round of agreement. "Does anyone know where Mr. Karasuma went?"

I raised my hand. "He's outside right now," I said. "I saw him by the window earlier, before he left. I'm willing to bet he's making a report to his superiors now." Them military agents like doing that, I've noticed.

As a class, we all trooped outside. Our target was standing in the shade of the large tree out back, talking on his phone. I hope he can pick up the other one, because _I fucking called it_. "Mr. Karasuma?" Isogai called out as we approached.

He closed his phone and turned around. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Or rather, for all of you?"

"Um..." Isogai raised a hand to his chest. "Can you teach us more about assassination? We wanna sharpen our skills."

"Hm..." Karasuma shifted. "You already know plenty," he pointed out.

Yes, but it's not _enough_. "Here's the deal, sir," Yada said. "We've been slacking off since we figured someone else would take care of killing Korosensei, y'know?"

"Yeah," Maehara said. "Except when we saw Itona do his thing, it dawned on us. The thing is, we don't _want_ it to be someone else."

"It should be us," Mimura declared. "If they can just bring anyone they want to to do it, well, what's the point of us being here in the first place? Right?"

"We may not have a lot of time left," Kataoka said, "but we're willing to work harder. Please! We want to assassinate our teacher!"

Isogai nodded. "Like he said, we have to work for any answers ourselves."

I couldn't be a hundred percent certain, but I think there was a faintly approving smile on Karasuma's face. I had to be imagining it, though. He never smiled. "All right, then," he barked. "Students interested in beefing up their assassination skills can stay after class. Be ready to work hard!"

"Yes sir!" we chorused.

"Let's start by climbing up this rope!" Karasuma said, jerking his thumb at the rope I just realized was dangling from the tree behind him. His face was, in a word, demonic. Maybe we screwed up... "It's brand new and ready to be broken in!"

"Seriously?" everyone whined.

"Come on, let's see some hustle!" Karasuma barked.

We reluctantly fell in line. "Yes sir," we sighed, a little less fired up than we were earlier.

Kunugigaoka Junior High, Class 3-E: the assassination classroom. The rain lets up, the bells rings to dismiss us...

"Move it, move it, move it!" Fuck, my arms are burning already!

...and another day ends.

After everyone was fully exhausted and had split to go get packed up and leave, I hesitated. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes?" Karasuma asked me. "What is it, Nick?"

I sighed, centering myself. This was going to suck... "Can you give me training in whatever hand-to-hand skills you know?"

Karasuma looked at me, his only reaction a raised eyebrow. "I'm only asking because I want to get better," I said hurriedly. "I'm here because... Because there was someone I wanted to protect, _had_ to protect, and… I failed. I refuse to fail again, and knowing more ways of fighting will help me in my goals." I shifted. "Knowing how to assassinate someone is all well and good, but I'm aware there are going to be times where I can't assassinate, where it has to be a straight-up fight. Like Korosensei and Itona today."

I looked at Karasuma. "I won't be unprepared again. I refuse."

"It'll be rough," Karasuma told me. "Even more so than the training you're getting already."

I bared my teeth in a half-smile, half-snarl. "I don't care." Any pain I have to go through is nothing compared to watching Kazuto fall over in the street like that. If I had to sacrifice my arm to stop it from happening again, I'd gladly sacrifice both.

Pain? Pain is temporary. Loss is permanent.

Karasuma nodded. "Very well, then. Let's begin."

"Yessir."

As he took his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves, he warned me, "I'm not going to go easy on you. You'll learn best from live combat."

...Hm. Maybe I've made another mistake...

* * *

 **Eh, this chapter in and of itself didn't really progress the plot all that much. Itona showed up, he fought Korosensei, he left. However, there were a few** _ **very**_ **important little details here and there that I sprinkled in, so you should still read the chapter carefully.**

 **The first time I read the manga chapters this episode was adapted from (and then, by transitive property, this chapter was adapted from) I was all 'Oh SHIT tentacles'. I tried to keep that same feeling of revelation in there, though I'm not sure how well I managed to get the point across. Nick's a little bit surprised, and so he falls back on snark to cover for him. Still, this chapter wasn't really all that focused on Nick, so most of his snark was internal.**

 **As a character, Itona doesn't have really anything to him at the moment beyond 'Rawr I'm the strongest and I have to prove it.' (And yes, I'm aware of the parallels. They'll be explored later, jerks.) Nick got a little irritated that Itona completely ignored his own strength, though to be fair his talents lie in the intellectual side of assassination. It's like the triangle in Alfheim; physical power from Kirito, emotional power from Asuna, and intellectual power from Rythin (Not that Kirito and Asuna aren't smart, or that Rythin and Asuna aren't strong, or that Kirito and… or that Kirito isn't emotionally strong, it's just not their strongest suits). Only Itona cares solely about physical power, and so Karma trumps Nick in that regard.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	13. Ball Game Tournament Time

**Chapter 13: Ball Game Tournament Time**

* * *

"Ow. Ow. Ow. My everything hurts. Ow. Life has become pain."

I winced with every step I took down the mountain. Yeah, training with Karasuma? Probably a bad idea. In fact, I'm regretting it every time my side twinged with pain from being thrown.

Seriously, how was throwing me across the room the best way to teach me how to land and roll? I mean, it _worked_ , but still.

"You seem happy today, Nick."

I blinked and looked behind me. Nagisa and Karma were walking down the mountain behind me, but Sugino was between them, and he was the one that had spoken up. "Happy?" I asked. "What is this 'happy' you speak of? I am in _so_ much pain right now."

"But you're grinning," he pointed out.

I paused and took stock. Sure enough, I was grinning slightly. "Huh. How about that." I shook my head. "Meh, probably just endorphins from getting tossed around by Karasuma during training. But enough about that, what're you three doing? Classes ended like an hour ago, you should be home already."

Karma just shrugged. "Nagisa and Sugino had to deliver some papers to Korosensei, and I was stuck on cleaning duty." I see. Makes sense.

We walked down the rest of the mountain together; despite my body being borked in about thirty different places, I was able to keep up with the rest of them, somehow. I largely tuned out their conversation, though I kept one ear open. When I heard Nagisa say, "…and that's when we poisoned their tea with the laxative Okuda made up. Kayano took up the bathroom there, and there weren't really any others nearby, so they had to run through the rain in a huge panic," I sighed.

"Man, Nagisa," I grumbled, "why didn't any of you call me? I'm hurt."

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "But you were busy with Mr. Karasuma that day, and we were kinda on a time limit, so…"

I just waved it away. "No worries. Just deal me in on the next game, no?" I grinned. Looks like the E Class students take care of their own. All of that, just to deal with a C Class student that stomped over Maehara's pride? Savage.

As we walked through the small town masquerading as the main campus of Kunugigaoka Junior High, Sugino stretched out in the air with a massive sigh. "The crappy weather's finally over!" he grinned, clasping his arms behind his head.

"It's gonna get hot soon," Nagisa pointed out, smiling. Let's see... Last summer, I don't remember doing much... Oh yeah! I remember now, we helped Sugu learn how to swim at the school pool. Yeah, that was fun. As for us here, we'd switched to the summer uniforms, which meant short sleeves for everyone. Except Karma, because he's apparently married to that black jacket of his.

"Let's start spending more time outside," Sugino suggested. "I wanna be more active."

Nagisa grinned. "Sounds good. You know I'm game."

"What would the two of you say to some fishing?" Karma asked, grinning like he usually did.

Sugino looked at him curiously, and Nagisa asked, "Fishing? That sounds like it could be fun. What's in season?"

Instantly Karma's mischievous spirit made itself known, and I glanced at the horns and pointed tail that popped up out of nowhere. "In the summer months, delinquents are out in droves," he said, his eyes gleaming with mischief and his smile predatory. "Use Nagisa as bait, and there's no limit to how many of the bastards we could take down!"

Hm... Dangle the kid off the top of a convenience store, the usual hangout for delinquents, and then steal the wallets from whatever bites. "I'm up for it," I shrugged. After all, they didn't matter, and I could always use more money. "But we have to remember to throw them back. Otherwise next season, they'll be extinct."

"I didn't realize delinquents had a season," Nagisa sighed, seeming a little resigned to our bloodthirsty ways.

As we passed by the back of the baseball diamond, Sugino said, "Seriously though, let's do something." The perils of being classmates with an athlete, they're always 'let's play sports!' or 'let's go outside and run around!' or 'let's you and him fight!'.

"There's always the beach," Nagisa suggested.

"I'm fine with that too, so long as nobody expects me to get in the water," I said. "Besides, I've been meaning to catch up on some reading, and that's a good opportunity."

"What do you have to catch up on?" Nagisa sighed. "You're always reading in class."

It was around that time that we realized Sugino was no longer walking between Nagisa and Karma. We turned around to see him staring at the girls by the mesh fence. "Play hard today!" one of them cheered, staring through the fence. Or, no, not the girls... Sugino has a massive crush on Kanzaki, he wouldn't be staring at other girls when he has his own eye candy in class. But that leaves the pitcher on the field. Who is a dude.

I mean, I don't judge, but...

The pitcher wound up and then let fly. It slammed into the catcher's mitt, and I blinked before letting out a low whistle. Not bad at all, especially with a middle school body. That sort of speed was pretty impressive, and judging by the calls from the rest of the team, the captain - because that's what they called him, and who else would have jersey number 1? - was on his usual form.

As he pulled off his cap to wipe sweat from his brow, the pitcher turned and looked off to the side - before stopping and staring. Didn't Sugino used to be on the main baseball team, before he got kicked to E Class for bad grades? Then, this guy... "Hey hey!" the captain called out. "Look who it is! Long time no see, Sugino!"

Sugino looked away for a moment, but as his old teammates rushed over he grinned and walked over. "Hey guys," he said as they all gathered around.

"'Sup, dude?" one of the fielders asked.

"Way to never come by and say hello to your old teammates," another joked.

Sugino just laughed and waved a hand. "Yeah, I know. I suck."

"You're pitching in the big tournament next week, right?" one of the fielders asked.

"Well, I haven't decided on it, yet, but I'd sure like to," Sugino replied. Karma and Nagisa exchanged a glance before the blue-haired kid grinned.

The guy who asked the question to begin with raised a fist and bumped it against the fence. "It'd be epic if you did."

Sugino bumped his fist in the same spot. "Yeah," he grinned.

One of the batters said, "You have no idea how jealous we are of you, man."

"You get to be in E Class, goofin' off all day!" the catcher said, cheerfully insensitive. Well, it was better than being deliberately insulting, but not by much.

Especially since I could see Sugino stiffen at the comment. "We've got to hit the books _and_ practice like our lives depend on it," the batter continued. Sugino didn't say anything, but I saw the way his shoulders slumped. "It blows!"

"Hey, c'mon, be nice," the captain said. He thumped his glove against the batter's shoulder. "Don't make such a big deal out of it, he won't understand. Burning the candle at both ends is a privilege of the gifted." Oh. Lovely. I rolled my eyes and sighed, shifting my weight slightly just because. One of _these_ assholes.

"Humility much?" Karma asked loudly as the three of us approached the small group, flanking Sugino. "Wow, sounds to me like someone thinks they're one of the chosen ones." I was a chosen one once. Me and nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine other people. It wasn't great.

The captain chuckled dismissively. "I am," he said flatly. Sugino's hackles raised. "You don't believe me?" he asked, looming over us. Stupid tall people... "Fine. See how you feel after watching me at the tournament. There's great, then there's everybody else. Now guess which one I am?"

"I'll take 'everybody else' for two hundred, Alex," I snarked. It was worth it, just to watch his face twist in irritation for a second.

"You..." Then something interesting happened. It was like I could see the two gears in his head turning - 'An E Class student is insulting me' became 'He's an E Class student, so I don't care what he thinks'. "That's just the way things are. I don't make the rules," he grinned mockingly.

I tilted my head. "I see. Understood."

I wonder how fast I can wipe that smirk off his face.

...Wait. What tournament was everyone talking about?

* * *

"Ah-ha!" Korosensei exclaimed, reading off of the sheet of paper in his tentacles. "A friendly class-versus-class baseball tournament, eh?"

This is dumb and stupid and even without knowing what's going to happen I can guarantee it's another means to squash E Class.

"A healthy body promotes a healthy mind!" he nodded. I stopped paying attention to him and watched Isogai instead as he wrote on the chalk board. "Approved!"

"Except, ah..." He trailed off and raised one of the fliers. I glanced down at my copy; it was a fairly straightforward four-team tournament tree; class A versus B at 10:00, class C versus D at 11:00, and then the winner of each at 1:00 in the afternoon. "I couldn't help but notice that E Class wasn't included in the tournament bracket!"

"They leave us out to keep things nice and even," Mimura said, like that was the only reason. "It's hard to have a tournament with an odd number of teams." Seeding was a thing, of course, but then they wouldn't have the excuse to stomp all over E Class. "We get to play the exhibition game at the end, though, so there's that.

Let's see here... Typical baseball ruleset, three inning games to keep things quick with an extra two for tiebreakers, ten run lead triggers mercy rule, so on and so forth... Ah, here we go. Exhibition Game after the championship, E Class vs Baseball Team. Oh yeah, that seems fair.

"Exhibition game?" Korosensei asked.

"Yeah, it's a spectacle, basically," Mimura sighed. "We get split up by gender and get pitted against the Baseball and Girl's Basketball Team while everyone watches." Bread and circuses, always the best way to keep the unwashed masses satisfied with their terrible situation.

"So it's not exactly a consolation prize," Korosensei said.

"Nope," Kataoka said easily. I get the feeling E Class has dealt with this before.

The scraping of chairs caught my attention, and I looked over to see Terasaka and his two flunkies standing. "If you wanna be a laughingstock, fine," Terasaka snorted. "But me and my boys got too much self-respect. We're out." Go on, then, run along. Don't need you anyway.

"Hey, hold on a second," Isogai called, extending a hand toward them like it'd do anything. "You can't just -"

The door slid shut behind them, and I snickered. "Looks like they just did."

"Yes, thank you, Nick," Isogai sighed. "I hadn't noticed." I just grinned back.

"We should ask Sugino," Maehara suggested. "He's the baseball guy." The others turned to look at the resident baseball guru. "What do you say, man? Any tips?"

Sugino sat there for a second before looking down at his desk. "Not to be negative," he began, "but we're screwed." No need to spare our feelings, good lord, man! Tell us how you really feel! "Like, royally. The Kunugigaoka team has Shindo as their captain." Ah, so that's his name. "Dude can throw a fastball like nobody's business. High schools are already scouting him. It's not even fair!"

Sugino pulled out a baseball from his desk and started rolling it in his hands. "Not gonna lie, though. I'd give anything to beat him. And not just put up a good fight! I want to beat the arrogant SOB at his own game. Baseball is my first love, my life! It took getting kicked off the team to understand that." He stared down at the baseball he was clenching. "The odds aren't in our favor, but -"

"Swing, batta batta! Swing, batta!" Korosensei cheered, his face taking on the appearance of a baseball. He was wearing a jersey that fit him, somehow, as well as a baseball cap. He even had a coach's megaphone, a baseball bat, a baseball glove, and... a wooden shinai? What?

"Oh," Sugino said flatly. Everyone was staring with a blank face at Korosensei. "Right. I forgot you don't need much persuading when it comes to anything baseball."

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed, a sprig of glass clenched between his teeth. "I wanted to be the feisty no-nonsense coach in sports flicks since forever! Don't worry, I won't push you kids around, but I brought a table to flip!" He held it up, and I winced. All that food I could be eating!

"You've put a lot of thought into this!" Sugino exclaimed.

"I've watched all of you grow more focused on which direction you'd like to head in, lately," Korosensei said. "And it's been marvelous. Whatever the odds, the name of the game is always kill! Win! And, to reward that fighting spirit, Coach Koro will train you and secure our victory! Nick, I'd like to speak to you after class, as well."

Oops. I flicked through my memories, but I hadn't done anything where they could prove it was me. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it." It's kinda sad those words have become literally automatic, but what am I gonna do when my father immediately assumed it was my fault if I didn't say something?

* * *

The crack of the bat on the ball was remarkably satisfying. I watched with tolerant patience as it soared in the air, and - oh, I can't even fool myself. Hurry up and get it over with, everyone knows that A Class is going to win, and everyone knows that everyone is here to watch E Class get trounced in this ridiculously unfair matchup.

Unfair? Unfair was three people against the Gleam Eyes, four if you counted Klein. Unfair was two solo players trying to challenge an impossible task alone. _Unfair_ was stopping a serial killer.

This? This was, admittedly, also unfair. Just... probably not in the way they were intending.

"Woah-hoh, it's a high one!" the announcer cheered. I think that's the guy from the monthly assemblies. "And the centerfielder practically catches it with his eyes closed," he continues as the umpire blew on his whistle. "Game over, folks! The winner of the 3rd Year Baseball Tournament is A Class!"

A Class members cheered and celebrated, while D Class members slunk off the field like beaten dogs. I just shrugged and ignored them; our turn was up next, and that meant stretching out so we didn't pull anything. I occupied my time with ensuring that everything was nice and loose, since it would really suck to screw up simply because I'd failed to stretch my calf muscles first. It seemed like Sugino had the same idea, since he was busy doing some warm-up exercises himself.

"Alright, time for the exhibition game!" announcer kid said as we lined up on the field, E Class facing the baseball team in all of their smug, smug glory. Oh, it's going to be wonderful, taking these idiots down a peg. "E Class against the baseball team!"

"Only the chosen ones get bragging rights, my friend," Shindo gloated, staring down at Sugino. "Remember that. Victory goes to the player with the most skill. On the field, _and_ in the classroom." He turned and walked away, the meet and greet done. "So not a lot of hope for you. But whatever. Good luck."

I laughed to myself and debated sticking my foot out to try to trip him, but eventually decided against it. Worst case scenario, he doesn't trip and fall flat on his face and instead stomps on my foot, injuring it. I'm kinda gonna need to run for this, so... Yeah.

"Let's play some ball!" Shindo shouted to his team. They cheered in response.

"Holy crap!" Kimura mumbled in the dugout, where our entire team was waiting. "Why're they so fired up all of a sudden?"

"Even better question, where's our coach?" Sugaya asked, hands on his hips and looking around. "Isn't he supposed to give us cues for that method?"

"He's over there," Nagisa pointed. We all looked down the foul line - at the very end, there was another ball just lying in the grass. Or was it?! ...Of course it wasn't. It was Korosensei, doing his baseball impression. "Mr. Karasuma told him he couldn't draw any attention to himself, so he's using forced perspective to look like a baseball."

"That's not how that works," I hissed under my breath. And I should know; I had no depth perception until I got my glasses because my brain just didn't parse information from my left eye since my vision was so bad!

"He'll signal us with the color of his face," Nagisa continued.

"Yeah, real smooth," Sugaya groaned.

I noticed that the colors were flashing. "Light green, purple, orange," I read. "Repeated twice for confirmation."

"So what'd that mean?" Sugaya asked, seemingly resigned to the insanity that is our teacher.

"Hiya, teach!" Karma laughed and waved. I grinned myself when Korosensei ducked down in a panic.

"Kill the opposition," Nagisa read out of the little booklet that had all the color codes and their corresponding meaning.

Like flipping a switch, everyone shifted to battle mode for just an instant. "Good advice," Isogai said, and the mood was broken. "Treat the other team like our target, and we can't go wrong."

Man, this sucks. I can't even get any violence in, since _apparently_ physical contact was frowned upon, _for some reason_. Wimps.

"This will be excellent practice for when we finally assassinate Korosensei!" Isogai cheered, placing a hand on Sugino's shoulder. "Right?"

"Right," Sugino nodded, determined. "Let's do this!" He thrust his fist in the air.

"Yeah!" we chorused, raising our fists as well.

Alright, alright, alright! Time to let these targets know just what kind of game they'd be playing with us today: Assassination Baseball!

"Okay, folks!" the announcer kid said. "Top of the first inning! Let's see what the first pitch has in store!"

The baseball slammed into the catcher's mitt. "Strike!" the umpire called. Kimura hadn't even swung his bat; instead, he was just staring at the path the ball had traveled. We'd done a little looking into Shindo's abilities, naturally, and apparently his top speeds were about 140 kilometers per hour. Which, according to the data, was up there with the pros. I could understand why the talent scouts were already looking at him, with those numbers under his belt.

"Is it me," Kimura muttered, "or does this feel like a crappy away game?" We're always the away team, even on our home turf. Deal with it.

In the distance, Korosensei started changing colors again. Red, purple, pink. "Red, purple, pink," I said, for confirmation as it repeated again.

"Matches up with what I saw," Nagisa said.

"Let's go!" Kimura shouted, pointing his bat at Shindo. "Hit me!" And it has officially begun! The clock has struck the thirteenth hour, and the baseball from hell will begin.

"Well, never say that batter doesn't have attitude!" the announcer kid laughed.

I glanced over at the other team's dugout, where the fat lazy baseball coach was sitting. Oh, I knew exactly what his game was going to be - a nine-pitch defense, followed by a ten-run lead at the bottom of the first. Mercy rule would be called at the end of the first inning, and then E Class would be showered in shame and humiliation for losing so brutally. Just like a lion eating a gladiator... Or would they be the gladiators, showing their triumph over the beaten lions? Depends on who you vote for, I guess. I always root for the lion.

Shindo wound up for the second pitch, and I grinned to myself. Time to have some fun.

Kimura grabbed his baseball bat and held it sideways, letting the ball hit it. "What?!" Shindo shouted.

As the bunt bounced down the foul line, carefully staying inside the line, Kimura raced past it towards first base. Kimura was the fastest runner in E Class, and the bunt had to have caught the baseball team off guard, since they were all expecting this to be a quick easy game. He'll easily make it to base.

"Yeah!" Kimura cheered, foot hitting the base before the first baseman could catch the ball.

"Who saw that coming?!" the announcer shouted. Me. Right here. I saw that coming. "E Class has zero outs and a runner on first!"

I grinned slightly wider at the look of irritation on Shindo's face at our cheering.

"Batter number two, Catcher Shiota." Nagisa's color code was yellow, green, white, and he nodded.

Another bunt came out, this time down the third base foul line. The third baseman, caught off guard, scrambled to grab it but overbalanced and fell on his ass, letting the ball go by. "Holy cow! A second bunt!" the announcer shouted. Shindo was simmering already, and this was just the second batter.

Heh. Not so chosen now, are you, jerk?

The announcer was screaming something about this turn of events being unbelievable, but I didn't care; I believed it just fine. E Class had zero outs and runners on first and second. This was the power of bunts, really. They may be good, but they're still just junior high students, and according to Korosensei even pros had difficulty with bunting.

My chuckles became audible as I glanced at the incredibly confused watches behind the grill. None of them were quite sure what was going on either, and I loved every second of their confusion. Psychological pain was the closest I was going to get, at least here, so I'll take my jollies where I damn well can.

"No way!" the baseball team manager gasped, standing up and staring. "You don't bunt a fastball like Shindo's and get it going where you want it to! That's not how it works!"

"So far so good!" Maehara grinned. "Nice job."

I glanced over at Korosensei; he was leering, an aura of bloodlust emanating from where he was hiding. "Practicing against the octopus paid off, didn't it?" I asked him idly as Isogai walked up to bat.

...

"Pitcher Koro throws a staggering 300 kilometers per hour!" Announcer Koro shouted as Pitcher let loose with an insanely quick fastball. "Infielder Koro sets up an impregnable barrier of doppelgängers!"

It irritated me that they were literally letting the ball sit there. "You get it," "No, you!" "By all means!" they were saying to each other. Meanwhile, Kimura was running down the line towards first base as fast as he possibly could.

"Catcher Koro breaks their concentration with expert trash talk!" Catcher Koro whispered something to Mimura, and he blanched and froze, letting a slow ball go by without even taking a swing. Huh.

Eventually, we were all doubled over and panting. I think steam was literally coming off of Mimura. Most of us were collapsed on the ground, though Karma managed to keep his feet through sheer strength and stubbornness. "Now, we'll talk strategies," Korosensei announced. "To this end, Takebayashi has been spying on them non-stop for the past three days!"

"Aren't I the lucky one," he muttered, adjusting his glasses. I just continued panting. You were lucky, you jerk, or you'd be down here with us.

Eventually, after everyone had managed to stop dying, he pulled up the data on Shindo. "Shindo's pitches top out at approximately 140.5 kilometers per hour," Takebayashi said. He even had charts for it too. What professional handiwork. I'm glad I gave him that assignment. "He throws curveballs and fastballs exclusively, fastballs ninety percent of the time."

"He sticks with what he does best," Sugino shrugged. "At the junior high level, a good fastball's the only thing you really need."

I grinned smugly. "Still, habits are habits, and knowing habits lets us take advantage of them."

"Precisely," Korosensei told us. "Which means if we get our heads around his fastball, we're in good shape! So, for the remainder of practice, I'll be slowing down my pitch _considerably_ , and imitating Shindo's form to a T. Same stance, same force - as if the boy himself were throwing!"

My classmates gasped. "And after the pitches I've been throwing, Shindo's pitches should look like they're in slooowwww motionnnn." How did he do that with his voice?

But still, I wasn't going to be much help this time around. I spent seven or eight years with basically no depth perception until I got my glasses - my brain mostly ignored information from my left eye, since the vision was so bad - and I still have issues making out fast-moving objects. Assassination training was helping, but... it still wasn't great.

...

Isogai zeroed in on the ball like a sniper's scope and bunted it again, straight towards the line. "Another bunt!" the announcer shouted, like everyone with eyes hadn't seen it. So long as we answer all of the pitches with bunting, we're golden.

"Fair ball!" the announcer shouted. "It's come to a dead stop right on the line!" I laughed as the umpire and two fielders crowded around the ball. Isogai didn't even bother running, he just walked to first base. "Isogai is safe! Am I seeing this?! Zero outs and bases loaded! What a wrong day for Shindo! Maybe he's not feeling well?"

At least the announcer guy is pretending to be impartial.

Shindo's composure was clearly rattled, given the way he was whipping his head back and forth at the runners on base. "Batter number four, Pitcher Sugino." Sugino kicked the dirt at his feet and turned to stare directly at Shindo.

"Su-gi-no!" Shindo roared, shaking in fury. Yep. Definitely rattled.

Sugino's commands? Light blue, green, _murder_.

I mean, I don't really know what to call that color _except_ murder. Glowing red eyes, a bloodthirsty smile... It kinda just screams 'kill the son of a bitch'.

Sugino grinned and nodded. "Play ball!" the umpire shouted. Pitch number five, here we go.

"Here's the pitch..." Before Shindo could move, though, Sugino dropped into a bunting position, as though taunting him. "What's this?! Sugino plans to bunt!" Only it wasn't a bunting stance, per se. No, this was a killing stance; even from here, I could easily feel the pressure Sugino was giving off. To Shindo, in the direct line of fire, it would be like Sugino was holding a gun pointed directly at his forehead.

I could see what he was thinking, too: _What is with these people? Are they playing baseball, or... something else?_ Each of our runners was giving off the killing intent as well, and they were all aimed squarely at Shindo.

And like everyone does when they feel pressured, Shindo acted without thinking solely to relieve the pressure. The thing is, when people just act without thought, they go back to their ingrained habits. It's why I trained so hard even when and especially when I was exhausted, to force the muscle memory to be coming out fighting. I couldn't stop and think what my next strike was going to be, it had to just come out in an instant. Like making an Original Sword Skill.

For Shindo, that meant he threw a picture-perfect fastball, straight at the strike zone.

Like it was in slow motion, I watched Sugino lower his hands and straighten up. Right back into a regular batting stance. "Heads up!" he shouted as he swung. The meaty crack of the ball on the bat made me grin.

"He hit it!" the announcer shouted as the ball went sailing off into the outfield. What was more, the outfielders had come in to respond to Sugino's threat. "It's deep in right center field!"

One, two, three runners hit home before they managed to get the ball back to the infield. Sugino slid into third effortlessly, popping up before the third baseman got the ball. "That's right!" he cheered.

"Aaaand Sugino the Hitter takes third!" the announcer shouted. "We're seeing things, folks, we just had a base-clearing triple!" The scoreboard dinged as our score appeared, and _damn_ but that felt good.

The thing was? This was simply a first-hit duel, the batter against the pitcher. And first-touch duels weren't about how hard you hit, or how fast you hit. It's about getting the hit. We couldn't match Shindo's strength, that was obvious - so we just made that strength a non-factor. "This is unprecedented! E Class has scored the first three runs of the game!"

I laughed and gave Nagisa a high-five as he walked back to the dugout. "Did good," I told him. "Exactly as planned." He grinned back.

The baseball team called a time out, likely so that they could figure out what the hell was going on and how they were supposed to fight against assassins, so I paid more attention to the dugout where the coach was sitting there, sweating bullets. "Oh?" I mused, drumming my fingers on my leg. "This is interesting... It seems the final boss has come out to play already."

Principal Asano was standing there, cool, calm, and collected as always, speaking quietly with the coach. As I watched, he approached him, leaning in close, and then the baseball coach just collapsed in a heap. Huh. The principal turned, saying something to the ball girl, and then started to walk out onto the field.

Oh, good. It's time to learn about hubris.

I was distracted from watching by my phone going off. I pulled it out and read over Ritsu's quick message. "Girls are done," I said. I'd asked her to let me know when they were finished, if only so that I'd know when they came to watch. "Turns out they lost."

"Eh, what're you gonna do," Maehara sighed. "Not a big deal. That just means we have to win for them!"

"Yeah, no offense, Nagisa," Okajima said, "but Kayano is tiny and that's just not gonna fly against the basketball team."

"Why...?" Nagisa started to ask why he should take offense, then clearly thought better of it.

"Ritsu?" I asked her, and she appeared on my screen. "...Um, why are you wearing a cheerleader's outfit?" I asked, my question completely forgotten.

"Because I want to cheer you all on, silly!"

"Of course," I sighed. "How foolish of me to even ask."

"Uh-oh," Isogai said, staring out at the field. "This could be trouble."

"What? Lemme see," I said, standing up and moving to the front. As I went, I shot Ritsu a quick message saying we were moving according to schedule and to tell the others to come watch. "Ah. Principal Asano."

"Isn't that... y'know, bad?" Sugaya asked.

I didn't reply as I watched Principal Asano stride out onto the field. "We're at the top of the first inning, and the final boss already throws in," Maehara sighed.

"This changes nothing," I sighed. "We'll still be fine, don't worry."

"I hope so," Isogai said.

"Ah, this explains it, folks," the announcer said. "According to the note I've just been handed, Coach Terai has been severely ill since before the game started. Apparently, the team is so concerned about his health, their hearts haven't been in the game." Sure, and I'm secretly a paragon of righteousness. He seemed well enough when he thought he was going to crush us easily, didn't he? This is just the principal's excuse for why we were kicking ass and taking names. "Not one to languish in the bleachers, our illustrious principal has stepped up to take the reins!" ...And make himself look good in the process.

A strategy which, if the cheers from the watchers were any indication, was working. He drew the team into a huddle and started talking to them quietly.

"What do you mean, it doesn't change anything?" Maehara asked me.

I shrugged. "Habits are habits. Shindo's not going to start throwing curveballs or whatever just because some suit tells him to, it doesn't work that way." I grinned. "Habits are tough to break, both good and bad, and that makes him predictable. Anyway, I think you're up."

He shrugged and put on his batting helmet, walking up to the batting box and taking a few practice swings. "Batter number five, Second Baseman Maehara." Before too long, the other team had broken and taken their position.

"Let's play ball!" the announcer cheered. "How will - wait! What's this?" I took in the situation with narrowed eyes. The baseball team had moved everybody up into the infield, even the outfielders. "The players are converging on the infield! This is highly unusual."

"Looks like you were wrong," Karma grinned at me.

"Mm."

Sugaya stared out at the field in dismay. "I think it's safe to say they're onto our bunt strategy," he sighed.

"What the hell, dude?" Okajima asked. "They can't actually do this, right?"

"Technically, if it's in fair territory," Sugaya told him, "they can defend however they want. The umpire could call them on it if he felt like it, but..." The silence from the umpire was telling. "He happens to be on their side."

"Ah, officials," I sighed. "So... bribable. So... corruptible." Not that I'd bribe that idiot, of course. No, I wasn't going to waste my limited cash on him. "In other words, he ain't callin' shit."

I wasn't quite sure what lies the principal had told the team, but whatever they were they had served their purpose. His smooth words had filled in the gaps in their confidence, and they were facing Maehara without flinching. Tsk. All that work, down the drain just like that. If anything, it was probably some tripe about destiny separating the chosen from the masses; I could see it, the way he'd be able to boost them up onto the pedestal that we'd taken sledgehammers to. He'd claim that yes, Sugino put forth effort, but that everyone puts forth effort in their own way. The difference between them and us was that they were the chosen ones, and they had destiny on their side. The thousands of people in their way would fall from their path like so much rubble, and so this game wasn't just a baseball game, it was clearing away debris from their path to their destiny.

In other words, he'd take this opportunity to push his agenda on them and tell them that E Class was worthless, just like all the rest.

I bit at my thumb. We couldn't lose, not after that. If we did, well... He'd be untouchable.

Shindo drew back and threw the ball; Maehara got the bunt, but there was no clear path for him to send it. It popped high and landed squarely in the mitt of one of the fielders, who turned to throw it to third base. Sugino hadn't moved, though, he knew better.

One out.

Okajima was up next, and he flinched when Shindo got the ball back. I glanced at Korosensei - maybe he'd seen something that I'd missed. I'm guessing Okajima did the same thing. White... White... Burying face in hands.

Yeah, Okajima, you're fucked. Good luck getting through a bullshit setup like this one.

Before too much longer it was strike three, and Okajima was out. That was the second out, followed swiftly by a set of three strikes against Chiba. Really, I couldn't expect our team to get through this, it's just a shame that we had Sugino on third base and couldn't get him in for that one more run. "And, three outs, one after the other!" the announcer said. "The Shindo we all know and love is back!"

"Sorry we couldn't get you in," I said to Sugino as he trotted back to the dugout. "Still, you did what you needed to do."

"Let's turn this around!" Shindo shouted. The baseball team shouted in response.

Korosensei and Principal Asano... They were both excellent instructors who knew how to motivate their students. They both knew how to size up a student at a glance, discover their strengths and weaknesses in a heartbeat, and they were both very dangerous. The only difference was in their approach to teaching; but that was a big difference, enough to put them on opposite sides of the same coin.

I glanced over at the side of the field, where I'd noticed the girls, Karasuma, and Professor Bitch watching by Korosensei, and gave a small wave. Ritsu - Kayano was holding her phone up - waved back. "Ah hah!" Professor Bitch suddenly exclaimed. "I think I get it! They're trying to hit the ball with the stick!"

The first batter was up, and it was the Left Fielder. Sugino drew back, and pitched; the ball curved in the air, slamming straight into Nagisa's mitt, and the batter just stood and gaped. What, did they not realize that curve balls existed? The girls cheered, and Sugaya called out, "Yeah, Sugino, that's the way! Don't let 'em get a hit! None of us can catch worth a damn."

Sugino laughed. "No worries, I'm on it."

As I'd requested, I was off in the outfield; mainly because I needed the time to examine the state of the opposing team. Shindo in particular had the focus of my attention, primarily because the principal was standing next to him and whispering into his ear. Hm... He's building up Shindo's shattered confidence, no doubt. But to what purpose?

"No way!" the announcer shouted. "Two batters out in a row!" Excellently done, Sugino. Just keep on keeping on, and before long it'll be our turn to bat again. Still, that up-close formation means it's going to be hard for us to get any more hits in. We need to hold on to the lead we have right now.

"Psst! Nick!"

I glanced down at my feet to see Korosensei peering up at me. "Y'know, I probably should have expected this," I sighed. "What's up, Coach?"

"Karma will be shaking things up a bit when it is his turn to bat," Korosensei told me.

I nodded. "Good to hear." I stomped at his face absently, aiming for the eye, but my cleats only hit dirt. Damn his super speed...

Karma was first up to bat at the top of the second inning, and sure enough the baseball team entered the anti-bunt formation. "Batter number eight, Left Fielder Akabane."

Karma just stood there, studying the team. "Move it, kid," the umpire barked.

"Hang on," Karma drawled. "Never pegged you as the type to play dirty, sir," he called out, aiming his words at the principal. The suit was watching smugly from the baseball team's dugout. "If the rules haven't changed, this little gambit ain't legal. They're bogarting the infield, umpire should have called 'em on it by now." He turned to the watchers. "Aw, come on, anyone else smell a rat or is it just me?" He grinned. "Oh, never mind! You guys are morons! Baseball's like a foreign language to ya!"

I snickered as the entire student body started seething with anger. When Karma just spread his arms smugly, letting the shouts of the student mob wash over him, I broke out into full laughter. Amazing. Just a few well-chosen words and the entire student body was shouting. I wonder how often he goes onto the internet and trolls people?

He turned to Korosensei and stuck his tongue out as he put his helmet on. I doubt he was sure if the plan had worked, but Korosensei had shifted to his orange face with the circle on it, approving of Karma's actions. Karma glanced towards me, and I gave him an 'all clear' sign.

As expected, we didn't get a single run on the board, so we headed off to the bottom of the second inning. There, Shindo worried me for a second when he slammed a monster hit towards the outfield. As expected, we couldn't catch for shit, despite our best attempts. Shindo got a double, and then things went downhill from there.

I saw Principal Asano watching smugly from the dugout. I knew he was thanking Korosensei for setting this example, if only because E Class had made a spectacle that was impossible for the students to ignore. We'd resorted to tricks and underhanded strategies to pull out our early lead, and when comparing tricks to genuine skill, anyone would choose skill.

At least, that's what I'm assuming he would be thinking; it fits with breaking E Class and forcing the watchers to side with the baseball team. Still, hypocrites... They make me sick.

As expected, though, the principal's handling was very impressive; the baseball team brute-forced their way to two runs in the second inning, leaving us with only a one run lead - and then the top of the third inning left us with an understandable zero runs. Seriously, I think Shindo actually outdid himself on some of those pitches, given the speed of the ball that whipped by me when it was my turn to bat. Meh, I hate sports anyway.

"It's the bottom of the third and the end is nigh!" the announcer crowed. No doubt he was expecting the baseball team to come back and put on another masterful display, smashing through our defenses and working their way to four runs and then ending the game. Let me just count heads on the batters... Ah, excellent.

But I knew the principal wouldn't just leave it at that. No, he had to show that no matter what we tried, E Class would always lose. Even if E Class lost normally, there'd be some whispering going on. 'Of course they lost, they were against the baseball team! But they still scored!', for example, and so on and so forth. Even if we'd only managed to get those runs because of the bunting, the distinction probably wouldn't factor in the gut reaction of the school.

All of that, of course, is why I wasn't surprised when the first batter bunted the ball. Of course, since we were still in a regular formation, the first batter managed to make it to first base before Kimura could scoop up the ball. "Oh ho, what's this? The bunters have become the buntees!" That doesn't make sense, announcer guy, buntee isn't even a word. "Quite the twist!"

"Sorry, my bad," Kimura said as he tossed the ball back to Sugino.

"It's all good, don't worry about it!" Sugino grinned back.

In any other situation, of course, this bunting would probably have the opposite effect than what Principal Asano was driving for. Imagine, a baseball team bunting the ball against regular amateurs. This would be... distasteful, I believe the word would be. People would be against it, for the simple facts that I'd gone over earlier. "And it looks like another bunt!" the announcer called as the second batter stood waiting in the bunting position. They weren't even trying to hide it.

But because E Class had started off with the bunting strategy, it was now perfectly acceptable for the baseball team to do the same. Since, y'know, nobody could complain without being forced to accept the fact that E Class had done the same thing. Why would it be acceptable for amateurs to bunt, but not relative professionals? Our own questionable tactics are being turned against us, so there was nothing we could do about it. The 'chosen ones' were showing off that anything we could do, they could do better. That they could do anything better than us.

 _No they can't, no they can't, no they can't!_

Before long, we were in a mirror situation of the one earlier; bases loaded, zero outs, and up to bat was a baseball champ. Only this time, _we_ were the ones being played for fools, and the baseball team was about to get a base-clearing grand slam. Mainly because coming up to bat was... "Zero outs, bases loaded, and next up to bat is the baseball team's pride and joy," the announcer crowed, "Shiiiindoooooo!"

Wait, was he carrying like four bats? That's dumb. You can only use one.

"You're mine, Sugino!" he roared. "You hear? I will _crush_ you!"

Principal Asano was sitting in the dugout without a care in the world. His plan had come to fruition, and the E Class was about to be crushed back into the dirt where he thought we belonged. He'd been building towards this particular moment since the bottom of the first inning, and the payout would be spectacular. It wouldn't even be a bunt that did us in, it would be the powerful swing to mimic the one Sugino brought out in our use of the strategy. I bet he was wondering how Korosensei would respond to this move. He was planning around the octopus quite well, actually.

Too bad for him, Korosensei wasn't his opponent.

After all, the octopus had tasked _me_ with handling the plans for this assassination.

...

"So, how are we going to handle this?" I asked myself. Or, well, I also asked Ritsu. "I mean, Korosensei's bunting strategy works for offense, but there's going to be defense at some point." I bit at my thumb. "Eventually they'll wise up and figure out a way to counter it… Ah, Ritsu, can you scan through the records you have of games and formulate the most likely defense against a bunting strategy?"

"Sure! Just give me a minute..." Absently, I sipped at my water bottle while she put up a loading screen. Cheeky. "Okay! Judging by all the recorded data I have quick access to, the best way to defend against bunts is to crowd the infield! The defenders could also try to let the runners advance if they had confidence in getting an out, but I don't think that'll be possible here."

I hummed to myself. "Hm... Alright, so let's assume they do that. Is it technically legal?"

"Well, yes," Ritsu nodded, flipping through an animated image of a book labeled 'Rules of Baseball'. "So long as the infielders do not interfere with the batter's swing, and the umpire allows it, of course."

"And we're going to be going up against a hostile umpire, so of course he'll allow it," I muttered. "So, we need to neuter that hostility first - or at least find a way to use it against them... Hm." I doodled out a sketch of the baseball diamond on Ritsu's screen, and she added where the infielders would be in the crowding formation. "Move them forward, a bit," I said. "I don't expect these people to play fair in the slightest."

"Okay." The players shifted around, and the little animated me in the batter's box panicked as the animated baseball players formed ranks around him. Yeah, sorry, little buddy. "There you go!"

"Excellent, thanks, Ritsu." I stared at the screen, letting my subconscious percolate. "The problem is, if we do this, the principal will pull something dirty, so we have to be able to use the defense too…

Ritsu blinked, tilting her head. "Principal Asano? What does he have to do with this?"

I shrugged. "I'm expecting him to interfere, just like he did with the midterms when E Class was in danger of upsetting the balance between us and them." Ritsu tilted her head the other way, clearly still confused - I could tell by the little question marks floating over her head. Oh, right, she wasn't there for that. "During midterms, he changed the tests on us without warning, and then taught all of the main campus kids personally in order to artificially deflate our scores in comparison to the others." Dirty, but it worked. Well. It worked on most of the class.

"I'm expecting the same thing to happen here once we start scoring runs. If E Class wins against the 'chosen ones'," I rolled my eyes as I said that, with air quotes probably big enough to see from the moon, "we'll have risen up against our betters and upset the balance. If he doesn't step in, no harm no foul, we just have to make sure we get a large enough lead while they're off-balance from the opening push to cover up the inevitable runs they'll make. If we're especially quick and push them hard enough while they're reeling, we might be able to pull off a complete coup and win via mercy rule."

I tapped the screen. "Back to this, though, if we use this bunting strategy, I'm fully expecting the principal to try the same thing. The thing about Principal Asano, I think, is that he has to prove that his students are better than us in every way, and that includes whatever tricks we try to pull. So, I'm expecting him to pull out our bunting strategy for the final inning."

"At which point you use the defense against him," Ritsu said. "That makes sense."

"But what defense will they try, I wonder?" I mused. I stared at the screen, eyes unfocusing as I tried to simulate what I thought would happen. After a few seconds, I sighed. "No, there's too many variables that we don't know and don't have control over. We'll have to play it by ear. Whatever we do, though," I said slowly, listening to my instincts, "we have to make sure the umpire makes a call that the action is allowed. Which means we have to complain."

"Will that do any good, though?"

I shook my head, trying to chase down the internal train of logic and vocalize it. "No, of course not. They won't stop. The umpire won't let them, and more to the point the principal won't either. Either way," I said, thinking out loud as I went, "we have to complain and let them ignore the complaint. Karma will be best at this, I think. He has a way with words."

"Yes he does," Ritsu nodded. "Are you going to use the exact same defense?"

"Eh, we'll innovate a bit, but..." I sighed. "Well, if Karma stirs up the pot, either way we win. Either they back off and we go back to bunting successfully and rack up the points, or they don't back off and we've preemptively nipped their strategy in the bud. The only question is, then, when will the principal show up?"

...

Though, let's be fair, the octopus would've probably come up with this plan on his own if I hadn't been here. The bunting strategy was his idea in the first place, and I was just the one tasked with figuring out the defense.

I looked around, noting the relative moods of everyone, and let out a piercing whistle, waving over at Karma. Impassively, he jogged over to me. "What's up?" he asked.

"Time to spring the trap," I said. "Your earlier trash talking will finally come into play."

"Hmm..." He grinned knowingly. "Ahh, I get it now," he said simply.

I glanced down at the dirt where Korosensei had popped up. "Everything's good to go on our end, Coach," I said easily. "Any last-minute adjustments you think we need to make?"

"None at all," Korosensei told me. "You've all done a wonderful job."

"Good to hear. Let's go kick things up a notch. Or ten." Karma grinned at me, and I grinned back. "Yeah, definitely ten."

See, the thing is?

Chosen ones weren't the only people that could use other team's weapons against them. That's how I beat The Venomous One, after all.

"The only thing we can really do is walk Shindo," Sugino said to the infield. Pfft. Giving up already?

"Yo!" Karma called out as we trotted up to the pitching mound. "New marching orders from Coach and Nick."

"And so the game resumes," the announcer guy said. "Except... Again with the tight defense positions?"

Isogai and Karma were standing calmly right in front of Shindo, making sure that the ball wouldn't go anywhere.

I laughed. "Choking up the infield," I said to Korosensei - since he was right next to me when I returned to the outfield. "Normally, that's against the rules. Breaking the batter's concentration, preventing them from swinging, interfering with the pitch, what have you. But since Karma said the same things when _they_ were doing it, and the umpire didn't call _them_ , there's no precedent for telling them to back off."

"Exactly," Korosensei agreed, beaming. "You came up with a wonderful plan, Nick. That bloodlust of yours is shining!"

I grinned nastily. "Oh, just wait, Korosensei. We're not done yet."

"Proceed as you will!" Principal Asano called to the umpire, likely in response to Karma's own explaining of the plan. "A true athlete does not falter before such trickery!" Y'know, I get the feeling he's staring at me when he says that.

The thing about Principal Asano is that, when faced with an equal playing field such as the one right now, where they're using our trick and we're using theirs, he cannot back down or refuse the challenge. To do so would be to admit that perhaps his chosen ones cannot defeat the rabble and clear the path to their brilliant destiny. 'E Class didn't give up earlier, why is the baseball team backing down?' people would start to think. That was the point of the earlier taunting, to buy us the ability to pull this off. The umpire had dismissed the complaint earlier, so he had no choice but to silently consent to our actions now. The same held true for all the spectators.

"Wow," Karma grinned. "Duly noted! Heh," he laughed darkly. "We'll hold you to that, _sir_ ," he hissed. Then he _escalated_.

I laughed to myself as the watchers all gasped in surprise at the frankly insane ploy that I'd concocted with the help of Ritsu. Karma and Isogai had simply walked forward, not stopping until they were right in front of Shindo. If he took a swing, he'd slam into the two. "I- I- I mean, for heaven's sake they're standing so close!" the announcer kid shrieked. Shindo blinked, dumbfounded by the sheer insanity of our actions. Excellent; the bizarre nature had broken him from the trance Principal Asano had put him under. His concentration was shattered, now, and there was no time for the principal to build it back up for the third time. "Talk about point-blank range!"

"Hey, Mr. Chosen One," Karma taunted. "Don't worry about us! You might hit us with your swing, but we'll be fine!" he hissed, giving Shindo a thumbs up.

I grinned as I took in Principal Asano's... complete lack of reaction. My smile fell a little bit. Jerk. "Oh my," he stated. "An obvious attempt at a bluff! Put everything you've got into the swing! Crack a skull if need be. The penalty will go to E Class for obstructing the batter."

Shindo babbled, shaking, before he gritted his teeth and hunkered down. I bet he's gonna go for it, try to brain one or both of the players standing in front of him. Heh.

Sugino pitched, and Shindo swung.

Isogai and Karma swayed out of the way with barely centimeters to spare, the wind from the passage of the bat ruffling their hair. "Strike!" the umpire shouted. The ball had gone straight from Sugino's hand to Nagisa's mitt.

Ah! There's that reaction I was looking for from the principal. His eyes widened a fraction, and his placid smile had disappeared. Lovely, lovely, lovely! I love when a plan comes together like this.

When it comes to guts and visual acuity, Isogai and Karma are the two best ones for the job. There was a reason I chose them to be the ones up front and center, after all, since I knew they'd be the right ones. Dodging Shindo's swing would be basically child's play for the two of them.

"Give us a break!" Karma said easily, mockingly, to the trembling Shindo. "Holding back ain't gonna cut it, pal. On the next throw..." He raised his mitt, and a chill wind of bloodlust swept past him. "Swing like you're trying to kill us," he hissed.

Shindo was rattled as all hell - I could see him shaking from the outfield. He wanted to do what the principal was telling him to do, but he couldn't quite put aside his instinct not to hurt others. Well, friend, you're in our world now, and you've been caught in my web. The marionette strings are firmly attached to you, and now all I have to do is tug on them like I'm playing the harp. This world changes fast, fool - one second, you're just playing a simple game, and the next...

The next the stakes are a lot higher. Like your life.

Sugino pitched, and I could see the moment Shindo's nerve broke; he blanched and swung with a shriek. His bat nicked the ball and sent it down into the ground before it bounced high up over Karma's head. Karma jumped in the air and snatched it with his free hand - ouch, that's gotta hurt. "Heads up, Nagisa!" he shouted before sending it towards Nagisa. Nagisa caught it in his mitt and pressed the glove to the home plate.

One.

"Throw it to third base!" Isogai shouted, and Nagisa did; it got there in Kimura's hands just before the runner touched base.

Two.

"Kimura!" Okajima shouted. "Come on, throw to first base! Go for it!"

I wasn't paying much attention to the infield shenanigans going on; at this point, I was watching with a grin as Shindo dropped his bat and collapsed on the ground, staring at Sugino. "Done and done," Kimura called out, sending the ball to Sugaya. At this point, it didn't even matter about the last runner.

"Out!" the umpire barked as Sugaya caught it, his foot on the base.

Aaand, three. Get wrecked, jerks.

"A... a triple play," the announcer guy said hoarsely, like he couldn't believe it. "The game is over! The game... this is insane! The winner is... I never thought I'd say this, but the winner is E Class!" E Class celebrated with cheers at the news. A bunch of the fielders pumped their fists in the air, while some of the infielders knocked their gloves together. The girls off to the side were all cheering and celebrating as well.

"That was insane," Maehara said as I approached the group of them, pulling my glove off and flexing my hand. "Nick, you crazy, brilliant, genius!"

"Those last two are redundant," I pointed out.

"How the heck did you come up with that?" Sugaya asked me. "I know Korosensei said to leave it to you, but wow!"

I just shrugged. "Like I said, habit. Habit is habit, and when you know the habit you know how people will react. I will admit, though, I didn't expect the principal to swoop in until the second inning." I sighed. "I was hoping for a few more runs in the first inning, if only to make it clear we won, but hey, three to two still isn't bad."

"Isn't bad, he says," Maehara laughed. "We won, man! Celebrate a little!"

"I didn't do anything worth celebration," I shook my head. "Isogai and Karma were the ones that actually _did_ something. But I'll accept the thanks on their behalf, of course. And don't forget Sugino, he..." I looked around. "Wait, where's Sugino?"

While looking for Sugino, I caught sight of the principal leaving without a smile on his face. A satisfied smirk slipped onto mine. On the face of it, this was just a baseball game where the underdogs managed to overcome a staggering imbalance of power. I even heard a few D Class kids whining about how the baseball team had all that serious firepower, and they just threw it away. They were fools that couldn't see the actual battle underneath the game. Beneath the façade, this was a battle of ethos and creed between the principal and Korosensei. And for those keeping score, this tied up the points to one apiece. The principal had won the midterms battle, but we'd won the baseball exhibition match.

That just leaves the finals.

"Shindo!" Ah, so that's where Sugino went. He's over talking to Shindo. I wonder about what? Well, whatever it is, E Class was apparently part of the discussion, since the two of them looked over at us as we were packing up our stuff and preparing to move out. I tilted my head curiously, but they didn't seem to be having an argument, so whatever. I don't really care all that much in the first place.

Sugino offered his hand to help the other pitcher stand, and Shindo accepted.

Hm. Sugino, rival get, I think?

* * *

 **Hooray! Nick and E Class won the ball game.**

 **In the original canon, Korosensei came up with the plan by himself, but I think it fits a little bit better with the narrative of his teaching style if he lets his students do what they can and then picks up the slack for them. Since Nick was perfectly capable of figuring this stuff out on his own, Korosensei let him do it, but helped with the execution. This is also Nick's way of showing off his talents to the other classmates, aside from their knowledge of his raw intelligence. He pulled this crazy bullshit off – what else can he do?**

 **I think my biggest worry is that Nick might be** _ **too**_ **good at guessing what Principal Asano will do, at least given this stuff. I remember reading advice from a writer that's far better than me, once – if you want to write a character and show that he's intelligent, have him anticipate the plot. I feel like by this point in the series we've proven that Nick's good at predictions, even if he doesn't get every detail right – and that half of the stuff he does is just planning in ways that ensures that he wins regardless. Whether the principal did what he expected or not, the taunting set them up for victory (Also hey principal just stopped seeming like a word now. Fuck.)**

 **(and yes i did do independent research to figure out what the best course of action will be, jeez. not my fault if the plan that works is, y'know, the plan that works in the manga.)**

 **As for the rest of the chapter, honestly? It was a vehicle for Sugino's character in canon, but Nick doesn't, y'know,** _ **care**_ **, so that kinda fell by the wayside. In this case, then, it was pretty much solely for Nick to show off how good he is at planning and plotting to the others, which succeeded pretty handily. Ah well; sorry, Sugino, your desire to show off your new friends and be proud of them is something Nick doesn't care about!**

 **At the beginning, by the way – that conversation/story Nagisa is telling is adapted from manga chapters 23 and 24, Maehara's two spots in the limelight. Basically, he'd been dating this girl from C Class, only some A Class jerk named Seo stole her from him. When he called the girl on the bullshit, she immediately switched gears to attack mode and started blaming Maehara for everything. E Class didn't take lightly to that.**

 **Nagisa and Kayano wore party masks (modified by Sugaya) that made them look old and wrinkled, and infiltrated the tea shop that the two jerks were sitting at; after Kayano went to go take up the bathroom, Nagisa knocked a tray over to distract them. Chiba and Hayami (the snipers) laced their tea with fast-acting laxatives, courtesy of Okuda. After it took effect, they tried to get into the bathroom, but Kayano was happily folding paper cranes. Then they had to run 100 meters to the next bathroom in the area, all the while being hassled by E Class from the shadows. The best knife users (aside from Nick) dropped tree branches on them, covering them with leaves and soaking their clothes. At the end, there was only one bathroom and they started squabbling.**

 **They trampled on Maehara's pride, throwing him down into the rain and a puddle and berated him for falling into E Class (his grades dropped) and so E Class shattered their pride in return. E Class doesn't fuck around. Maehara was a little worried about the way the girl acted; as soon as she realized that he was E Class and that no matter what she said or did she was in the right, she went on the attack. He worried that he might act that way if he ever went up against a weak opponent, and so Korosensei showed him that wasn't the case. He realized that everyone had a hidden weapon of sorts, so there was no way to tell strength from weakness on first glance.**

 **I wanted to work it into a chapter here or there, whether it was as a whole chapter or as an omake, but it just didn't work out. Nick is just one person and he doesn't really travel in groups; so, this turned into Nagisa recounting the end of the story to Karma and Nick, who weren't there.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Art Time**

 **July 1** **st** **(About a week or two before the tournament)**

"It's July 1st, Okajima sighed. "From today on, we're wearing the summer uniforms!" He rested his cheek on his hand, drooling slightly as he stared at pretty much every single one of our female classmates, though being right in front of him and to his right Yada was the current target of his leering. That irritated me for some reason. "Skin has such a dazzling color… This time of year is really harsh for healthy junior high boys."

"If… you say so, Okajima," Nagisa sighed.

"That won't do at all," Korosensei scolded Okajima. "You mustn't let the season of exposed bodies distract you." Of course, he was all high and mighty – until one looked down at the swimsuit magazine he was holding in his hands, with scantily-clad models splayed out on the front cover.

"You're one to talk, you pervy octopus!" Okajima snapped.

As for me, I didn't really care one way or another. I guess the short sleeves were a little more comfortable, so there was that. Less restrictive, for another – given the choice I'd almost always pick short sleeves over long sleeves, and then just wear a jacket over it if I'm cold. Ah well – I just had to be careful and make sure my scar didn't show.

The door slid open, and I looked over. "Oh…" Sugaya said slowly as he stood there. "I'd forgotten that we'll be in short sleeves starting today."

There was a general round of shock and surprise. The reason for it? Sugaya's left arm had tribal tattoos traced all over it, reaching from the back of his hand to under his sleeve on the upper bicep. A sudden aura of menace surrounded the boy. Korosensei shrieked in horror. "I didn't want this left arm," Sugaya said dramatically, "which was sealed by the gods, to be revealed…"

… _Wh… What did you_ do, _Sugaya?!_ everyone gasped as we stared in complete shock. No, seriously, what?!

Sugaya just laughed as everyone crowded around him to see what was up. "Wow!" Kurahashi exclaimed. "This was painted on!"

"It's called a henna tattoo," he said, looking at his arm and grinning. "Once the pigment sets, it'll last for about a week."

Karma grinned. "That's something they do in India, right?"

"You know about it, Karma?" Fuwa asked him.

"My parents are totally crazy about India and come back with henna tattoos whenever they travel there." Explains why his name is Karma, at least. I'd been curious…

"O-oh good!" Korosensei panted in relief. "I'm glad that none of my students are turning into delinquents!" He was shivering, and there was a massive pile of books sitting on his lectern – when did they get there, anyway? – all dealing with understanding why young people sometimes went to the Dark Side.

"As usual," Kayano sighed, "you're really worried about this kind of stuff."

Korosensei Weakness Number Ten: He's worried about appearances.

Still, it really shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. Sugaya was a talented artist, probably the best in E Class; everything from posters to disguise masks come easily to him. It's always neat, watching talented people draw. I have no idea how they do that, honestly.

"If you'd like," Sugaya said, rooting around in his bag, "how about I draw one on you too, Korosensei? I still have some material left."

"Nyaa!" Korosensei gasped, suddenly super excited. "Would you really?"

Sugaya grinned and got to work, unfolding a piece of paper and squeezing something that looked a lot like a frosting piping bag. Something brown started coming out, and he nodded. "I see," Nakamura nodded. "It's just like drawing with melted chocolate."

As Sugaya got to work, drawing a line on Korosensei's face, the octopus giggled, "I'm really looking forward to it. I've always wanted to try getting a pseudo-tattoo like this.

That was when his face started melting. "Gyaaa!" Korosensei shouted, matched by the screams of Nakamura and Sugino. "Gyaaa!" he continued shouting, staring at Hara and Okajima. "Gyaaa!"

I… don't… what?

"I see…" Okano said as she examined a vial from Sugaya's bag. "You ground some Anti-Korosensei bullets into a fine powder and then mixed it in with the henna paint."

"Korosensei definitely let his guard down, but…" Isogai said, staring at the flailing and shouting Korosensei. "He'd have to sit still long enough for you to kill him like that."

"Hrm…" Sugaya muttered. "No good, huh…"

"The idea is an interesting one, Sugaya," Korosensei said as his face regenerated. "Though it's as effective as a pinprick." Then he turned his back and covered his face, sobbing. "But I… really wanted you to draw a cool design on me…"

"I-I'm sorry!" Sugaya said hurriedly. "I'll draw one with normal henna, okay?"

After Sugaya drew some neat-looking flower patterns on Korosensei's head and cheeks, the rest of the class started muttering to themselves. A few seconds later, Sugaya had been – willingly, of course – press-ganged into drawing designs on everyone else as well. I mean, I was in line too, so I had no real room to talk, but…

"Any requests, Nick?" Sugaya asked me as I rolled up my sleeves and sat down at his desk. The line moved slowly, and I'd started off near the back to boot.

"Snake motifs if you can," I said easily. "Both arms, please."

"You got it!"

I grinned as I examined my new arm tattoos. Sugaya'd managed to get the snakes to blend in with the rest of the detailing, up until the very end where they wrapped around my wrist and ended on the back of my hand. Very impressive work – part of me wished I had a creative talent like that, but I knew better. My mind flowed in logic paths, binary choices rather than the free spirit required to be a good artist.

Meh, whatever. I liked my programmer's mind.

Plus the snakes look neat.

 **Art Time didn't get a full anime adaptation (since it's pointless beyond showing a little bit of Sugaya's abilities) and so I wanted to put it in here somewhere. Basically, Sugaya is happy about being in E Class, because his artistic talents used to be ignored by the teachers. Combined with his low grades, he was kicked to E Class. But here, even the unconventional guys are considered normal so it's fine.**


	14. Talent Time

**Chapter 14: Talent Time**

* * *

All around me, my classmates were paired off, stamping their feet and grunting as they swung their knives.

I couldn't spare a glance to look, however. I was too busy swinging my own knife at Maehara.

It was a nice day out, with enough sun to make the day warm and with enough breeze to keep the day from getting too hot. I had started to sweat a little, which was always a good sign. I liked it when I was exerting myself so much that my body was trying to cool itself down - that meant I was starting to reach my regular limits.

"Keep eyes on the target!" Karasuma barked. Nobody in the class responded verbally, but I saw Maehara's eyes sharpen just a little bit. This time, when I tensed to thrust, I saw him see it and react as I started to move.

Gym class outside was hard and demanding, and Karasuma even more of both, but when I looked in the mirror and saw abs it felt strangely satisfying. I never had abs at thirteen. Hells, I didn't have abs until eighteen, though granted that was mainly because I'd lost all of my body fat from being in Aincrad for two years.

"Right!" Karasuma shouted again as everyone continued the drills. "Don't let yourself be distracted! If you can't predict his moves," he continued, raising his voice, "you can't fully counter his evasive maneuvers! Nick, switch with Isogai!"

I jumped away from Maehara's last swing and raised my knife slightly, signaling that I'd heard and was disengaging. Maehara recovered from the swing and bounced on his feet slightly while Isogai swapped in past me. As I got into the steady rhythm of the knife drill Karasuma had shown the three of us, I sighed. Man, having an odd number of students sucks. Mainly because the options are either make a group of three, and the odd man out just does solo drills while the other two go at it, or to drill against Karasuma when he wasn't needed to bark orders.

For some _completely unknown reason_ , most of us decided that a group of three was the way to go.

Still, doing the solo drills made it pretty easy to look around and study the assassins around me. For just four months of training, they'd taken to the job like ducks to water. Every day, I could see improvement - when I wasn't too exhausted from my own training, of course. The potential in the people around me was almost blinding in how many people had it.

"Alright, that's enough!" Karasuma shouted, and I wound down my drills slowly, knowing better than to just stop cold. There was no way we were done just yet, and as we gathered in a loose huddle Karasuma's next words confirmed my suspicions. "Don't go resting yet," he told us. "We still have one more drill before we're done." His rolled-up sleeves and loosened tie made me shiver in place. I knew what that meant.

Sure enough, Karasuma's last drill for the day was to have us try to tag him. Well, it was a good place for me to try to examine the fellow players in the game.

Isogai and Maehara...

They were both excellent knife fighters, attacking in tandem. I knew they were friends, but they must have been friends for a long time - they fought almost like me and Kazuto did, just knowing where the other would be. Still, I doubt they forged their bond in fire like we did, so it would be time and familiarity then. They rushed at the same time, and Isogai went first; he swung, grunting, and Karasuma ducked the knife before shoving him away with a palm to his ribs. Maehara's lunge was deflected by grabbing his arm and throwing him to the side.

By that point, Isogai had recovered, thrusting towards Karasuma's head. Karasuma avoided it with a simple dodge to the left, but that left him straight towards Maehara's slash. Karasuma wasn't fazed, though, and he swayed out of the way of both Maehara's slash and Isogai's follow-up stab. The same movement allowed for dodging both, so they weren't fully in sync yet, but it was only four months. I could cut them some slack.

However, Maehara's second stabbing thrust nicked Karasuma's shoulder, and the two backed off, panting heavily. "Good!" Karasuma told them. "You two each get one point. Next!"

The two boys grinned at each other as they marked their point on the scorecard.

Then there was Karma.

He grinned and shifted his knife, clearly intending to lure Karasuma's guard away as his second hand snuck behind his back and pulled a second knife. His lazy expression and easy-going grin belied the mindset of a real killer, but it was hard to see past the indifference. At least, until you got him in a fight. His left thrust was deflected to the side by Karasuma's open-handed parry, and his right slash was blocked by more of the same.

Karma jumped back before rushing in low again, and Karasuma dodged it. Karma looks like, on first glance, the type to just sit back and snark about anything and everything. But... He grinned tightly like he always did, keeping his knives up and moving while he didn't let up on the assault against Karasuma.

He didn't get a single hit, of course, but... it was the thought that counted? I don't think anyone could get a hit against Karasuma one-on-one. At least, I know I haven't, even despite all the extra training he's been giving me after classes. Karma panted a laugh as Karasuma backed off slightly, which was impressive. Mischievous. Both.

Still, he ended up on the ground after Karasuma knocked his legs out from under him. I saw Karasuma give him an approving nod, though, so it's not like he did poorly.

As for the ladies in the class, Okano's gymnastics were just as unpredictable as when I sparred against her last. She turned a missed lunged into a cartwheel, forcing Karasuma to avoid the kicks as well. She landed it, grinning widely - and then Kataoka slid from behind her, lunging and thrusting forward. Her reach and speed were a match for any of the guys in the class. Kataoka was very impressive indeed, thrusting and stabbing with speed and accuracy. Karasuma didn't block any of her strokes, instead just dodging out of the way.

I blinked in confusion as a crudely-drawn Korosensei image appeared beside Karasuma. "Don't forget Korosensei," Korosensei said, mimicking Karasuma's tone and inflection. "The ideal teacher. A man of grit and character, whom none have the heart to kill."

The background of the image was sparkling pink. What.

Karasuma gritted his teeth, a vein in his forehead twitching with anger, and said something. Korosensei just shifted the panel aside and giggled mischievously before going off to play in the sandbox.

There were others in the class - Terasaka and his gang of cronies, for example. They weren't taking the training seriously at all, but despite that they had some good strength to them. Terasaka rolled his eyes and whipped the knife at Karasuma, and Karasuma caught it with one hand. If they put forth the effort, they might be able to be good assassins. But, y'know, that'd require them to not be little shits about it.

Finally, it was my turn to go against Karasuma. I moved in, going for the low slash - he liked to keep his guard up, and the ribs were always a good opening move. He blocked it, as expected, and I exhaled a short breath as I spun and lashed out, aiming for his head. He dodged, swaying out of the way, and I ripped the knife to the side. He shifted, stepping to the left, and I –

 _bloodlust_

I tensed, mind kicking into overdrive as the viper _hissed in my ears_. There was massive bloodlust coming from him, and it was aimed my direction. I don't know why, but my reflexes were honed from years of fighting monsters that wanted to kill me. I shifted my stance, narrowing my eyes, and lunged forward, the viper striking faster than the eye could see. _I just needed to kill him first, that was the trick, to kill them before they could kill you_.

Ideal targets were the eyes, throat, and stomach - a wound in the first would blind, the second would kill, and the third would debilitate. Attacking the eyes would require a precise thrust, and he was still moving. His guard was low, so the stomach would be blocked easily, leaving me open for his attack. So throat it was. _Kill him._

Karasuma choked, his eyes widening. He turned and threw - Nagisa? - harshly, sending the kid flying, before lashing out with his leg and nailing me in the stomach.

I slid backwards, choking from the pain and clutching at my stomach. Still, I managed to stay upright and keep my knife up to defend. I had to kill my opponent, and I was about to lunge back in for another strike when -

The bloodlust was gone. Like it'd never existed.

Blinking, and swaying slightly, I sheathed my knife from long practice. I'd let it fall to the ground once. _Once._ Karasuma had taught me why that was a bad idea. After that, though, I was able to croak out, "...Ow..."

Off to the side, everyone had stopped what they were doing. "Ouch..." Nagisa muttered, sitting up and rubbing at his head. That's right... I think... Karasuma had thrown him, hadn't he? I don't really remember those last few seconds very well. Just that brief moment of intense bloodlust - I twitched, just thinking about it - and then I was in pain.

Karasuma was still frozen in the position he'd ended in - arms raised after throwing Nagisa, and his leg extended where he'd kicked me in the stomach. After a second, he breathed out and walked over to Nagisa. "Sorry," he said as a few students surrounded the downed kid. "That block was a little over the top."

"Ah... I'm good, no worries!" Nagisa said with a grin.

Sugino grinned at him. "Eyes on the target! You gotta see stuff like that comin'!"

"Yeah..." Nagisa sighed, looking a little embarrassed.

"Hey, you okay?" I shook my head and refocused. Yada was standing near me, looking on in concern. "That was a nasty kick."

"I'm good," I told her, raising my voice to make sure that Karasuma and the other students that had come over to check on me heard as well. "It was my own fault for leaving my stomach open." Seriously, a kick to the stomach after a lunge was like the first thing they taught you how to defend against. I can't believe I'd let myself get tagged by it. "I think I'm gonna walk it off, though."

As I walked in small circles, working off my pain and letting my body cool down, I kept a careful eye on Nagisa. He'd been behind Karasuma, hadn't he? This was the second time a sudden surge of bloodlust caught me off-guard, and the second time he'd been nearby. What was wrong...? I could usually sense the hidden bloodlust people held - after all, I could feel the bloodlust simmering underneath the surface of every student in this class. It'd been a vital skill in trying to survive in Aincrad, especially once Laughing Coffin had stepped up recruitment before we'd cut off most of the hydra's heads. But...

Nagisa was just a kid on the short side. He wasn't even outstanding academically or physically; he gets along with everyone, myself included, which I guess could be considered a talent of his. Still... That bloodlust... No. I couldn't sense a trace of it right now, and the total _lack_ of bloodlust told me something was wrong.

I felt someone's eyes on me and I looked over to see Karasuma watching me. I tilted my head curiously, but he just looked back at Nagisa.

The bell rang, and Karasuma said, "That's all! Today's P.E. class is now over!"

"Thank you very much," we all chorused.

"Man!" Kimura said as we watched Karasuma walk away. "I'm having no luck hitting that guy! It's like there's no chinks in Mr. Karasuma's armor." It's true - I couldn't seem to find any holes in his defense, no matter how hard I looked.

Kurahashi ran up to Karasuma, smiling. "Excuse me, sir?" she asked, walking beside him. "We were wondering if you'd like to grab a bite to eat with us, and -"

"Sorry," he interrupted her, raising a hand. "No, I'd love to, but there's still a lot of work that needs to get done."

"Oh..." Kurahashi stopped.

"Zero chinks in his personal life, too," Mimura observed.

Okano sighed. "He's definitely a man who prefers to keep his distance." And what's wrong with that, huh? "It's like there's a wall of ice between him and us."

"Yeah," Kurahashi sighed, "don't get me wrong, he's super cool and everything, I mean... I just... I dunno. You think it's only 'cause he has to be?"

I was going to offer my own observations on the subject matter, but I was distracted by something a little more pressing. "Hello, hello," I said dryly. "Who do we have here?"

There was a man standing up by the entrance to the school, wearing a blue jacket with the sleeves rolled up and a white shirt underneath. More interestingly than his clothes, however, were the bags he was carrying on each arm and on one shoulder. "Hey, hey, Karasuma!" he cheered in a loud, carrying voice.

Karasuma stopped. "Takaoka?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"Huh?!" we all mumbled out loud.

"Another new teacher?" Kurahashi asked carefully.

The man walked around Karasuma and down to stand in front of us. "Yo!" he said. Up close, I could pick out a few more details about him - he looked... softer than Karasuma, with rounded features and an easy grin. Not to mention his rather ample stomach. "Name's Akira Takaoka. And I'm here to give your gym teacher a hand!" He was certainly boisterous. "Please to meet ya, gang! So whadda ya say?" he asked with a wide grin. "Ready to have some fun?"

Huh.

Hhhhhhuh.

This could be interesting.

Takaoka put down the bags carefully and opened them up to reveal a bunch of water bottles and - oh gods. They're _shining_. I think I'm drooling.

"Woah!" Kimura gasped, staring at the veritable feast of delicious baked goods spread out in front of us. "Is that..."

"It's _cake_!" Kayano exclaimed, her eyes wide and shimmering. I think hearts may have replaced her pupils, but I'm not sure. Too busy staring at the _cake_.

Fuwa looked at them and goggled. "Hand-made eclairs from 'La Hermes'!" Isn't that the really fancy sweet shop? Holy crap, fucking _sold_.

"These look sorta pricey, sir," Isogai exclaimed, looking frazzled. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah!" Takaoka spread his arms benevolently. "Chow down, kiddos! I didn't break the bank so we could stare at these babies all day! Oh, and don't think of it as some sort of trap," he added as he sat down on the picnic blanket he'd spread the sweets out on. "I don't wanna waste any time getting along with you guys! Plus..." He grabbed one of the chocolate eclairs and took a bite. "Food tastes best when you sit around and eat it with everyone!"

"You really know your sweets, don't'cha?" Yada teased him. "Nice."

Takaoka placed his hands on his stomach and nodded. "Trust me, when it comes to the good stuff, it's love." He stuck his tongue out.

"Built like a truck _and_ adorable," Kimura murmured.

I didn't waste any more time grabbing some treats. Free food was the best food, after all, and free baked goods were the best free food. Besides, I hadn't had chocolate for, like, a month or two, now. I usually had a cookie or something with dinner, but since I'd been in here my money was better spent in other regards - so I was going through withdrawal. I took a bite of a donut, and sighed happily. Sweet, sweet chocolate.

"So, you're going to be taking over P.E. to help Mr. Karasuma get caught up?" Nagisa asked, cradling his own treat in his hands.

"Yep! Those're my marching orders from the brass at HQ," Takaoka said. "Poor guy needs some time to himself." Then he looked over, to where Korosensei was bright pink and drooling over Nakamura's shoulder, staring at her cake. I'd laugh, but I have food in my mouth and I'm not wasting any of this. "Ah, this fellow must be Korosensei! Please help yourself!"

The drool coming from Korosensei's mouth turned into a waterfall, and I snickered.

"Heh!" Takaoka grinned. "Don't wanna die on an empty stomach! Hahaha!" He laughed boisterously.

"You know, sir," Kimura said, "for being colleagues you and Mr. Karasuma are night and day!"

Hara smiled. "He's nice to us and all, but you're like the neighborhood dad!" I twitched slightly.

"Hahaha!" he laughed again. "Dad! I like the sound of that!" He reached out and grabbed me and Nakamura, wrapping his arms around us and pulling us close. Nakamura laughed uneasily, but I just ignored it and continued eating my food. Munch munch munch. "Life's too short not to spend it with people you think of as family, am I right, gang?"

I froze for a heartbeat, donut lifted halfway to my mouth, before I resumed eating again. It was only a brief pause, but it was enough to make the donut taste just that little less delicious. Carefully, I extricated myself - wouldn't do to waste food, now would it? - and stood up, nibbling at my treat. Off to the side, Korosensei was gobbling cake down as fast as he could manage it. "Nick, going somewhere?" Nagisa asked me.

"Just for some water," I said, grinning. "I left a water bottle back in the classroom. These things are delicious and I could eat them all day, but I think some of the chocolate got caught in my throat." It was the best way I could slip away without anyone noticing.

"Oh, okay."

As I trekked back up to the campus, listening absently to Takaoka's loud laughter and the chatter of excited kids on a sugar high behind me, I saw Karasuma watching us from the door. After a second he glanced at me, before turning and stepping inside.

Well, whatever. My goal wasn't to talk to Karasuma, it was to get away from the others so I could get control of myself without anyone witnessing my moment of weakness. The excuse of getting the water bottle would help with that, since I know I'll be the only one in the classroom.

Besides, I wanted to get away from Takaoka for a while. I think Karma might have noticed it too; it's difficult for me to tell what he's thinking, at times. But there was just something about Takaoka that just seemed forced.

* * *

The next day, Takaoka's word was good; he was the one waiting for us as we lined up in our ranks, already changed. "Where's Karma?" I whispered to Nagisa.

"Skipping, I think," he whispered back. Of course he is, I swear that kid's missed more days than he's attended.

"Alright, everybody here?" Takaoka asked, standing at the front of the ranks after he dropped off a heavy-looking camo bag at the edge of the track. Eh, close enough to everybody, really. "Now. Things are gonna be tougher than usual! But stick it out like the champs I know you are, and we're talking more sweets."

Sold.

What? I'm very easily bribed when it comes to food. Or, just in general, really, but food does it faster.

"For us?" Nakamura called out, teasingly. "Or are you really just saving them for yourself!"

"No, nope!" Takaoka grinned and patted his stomach. "Don't wanna ruin this girlish figure!" I chuckled, and the rest of the class started laughing. I mean, the joke wasn't really all that funny, but sometimes the delivery makes up for it. I wouldn't know. I'm not funny.

We took a seat, waiting for the drills of the day to start. "When I look at you, boys and girls, do you know what I see?" he asked us. "Assassins! And let's decide on a shout to get everyone fired up! When I say 'One, two, three...', you guys all make a peace sign and yell, 'Victory!'" He posed, eyes fiery and throwing his hand in the air, fingers making a V.

The class laughed again. "Woah," Isogai laughed, "that's pretty old-fashioned, and a rip-off, too!"

"Hey!" Takaoka complained. "You nitpicker! I'm not ripping anything off, it's an homage!" As he went back to the duffel bag and started rooting around, I glanced up at the sky and sighed. Clouds were starting to drift in, covering the sky in grey. Man... I like the sun. "Okay then!" Takaoka said suddenly, coming back with a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Along with your new training regimen, comes a new schedule!"

He passed them out, and I took a look at the new scheduled that had been drawn up for us. After a second, I blinked and looked up. This had to be a joke, right? "What?!" the entire class was muttering to themselves and each other.

"What?!" Maehara shouted. "No way!"

"We have ten periods now?" Fuwa exclaimed.

Beside me, Nagisa was still staring at the paper. "We train until nine PM?" he asked.

The schedule wasn't, er... It wasn't very flexible? Is that a good word for it? Basically, we had three _actual_ classes a day, and then training from noon to nine. Except Saturdays. Saturdays was one class and training until 3:30.

Well. At least we get half of Saturdays off...?

"That's the idea, little grasshoppers," Takaoka said, raising a finger and smiling. "I got the principal's approval, too. He said, 'The Earth is in a time of crisis, so there's no helping it.'" Of course. Of _course_ this was that slimy piece of trash's doing. I bet he's the one that hired Takaoka in the first place. "Don't be glum, think of the payoff! This curriculum will turn you into lean mean killing machines!" He clapped his hands together. "You're gonna love it!"

"Wait, wait, hold up," Maehara said, rising to his feet. "This is ridiculous!" Takaoka stopped, seemingly confused, and looked over at him. "First off, this is school! We gotta think about grades, too! If we don't get more time to study, our grades will drop. I bet the principal knew that when he approved it!" Takaoka looked to the side, grinning ruefully, and rubbed the back of his head. "I mean, c'mon! We can't go by this! When are we supposed to stu-"

Takaoka placed a hand on Maehara's head, and the boy stopped talking mid-word.

Then without warning he slammed his knee into Maehara's stomach.

Maehara choked out a gasp, spitting out saliva, and went limp. He didn't fall, though, because Takaoka had his fingers buried in Maehara's hair. "Rule number one," Takaoka said, his tone of voice no different than when he was talking about sweets, "we don't do 'can't'." He let Maehara drop, and the kid slumped to the ground in a groaning heap, curled up and clutching at his stomach. Okano and Isogai leaned over him, trying to make sure he was okay. "Rule number two, we're a family and I'm the dad." I exhaled slowly, watching Takaoka carefully. His eyes were wide and manic, but his voice was steady. "Show me a family where Dad ain't in charge, and I'll show you a family in crisis!"

He spread his arms wide as the kids recoiled in horror. "If this is too much for you, sit it out! I'll have my people in HQ send in replacements for the whole class." He smiled, leaning forward slightly. "That said, I'd much rather see you stick it out."

This is his modus operandi, isn't it? The carrot and the stick, only each is at its extreme. We do what he says, we get delicious treats from high-end bakeries. We complain or disobey, he beats us until we're unable to do either. "A father loves each and every one of his children unconditionally," Takaoka said, starting to walk around the class. "The thought of losing even one of them breaks his heart." He stopped just behind me and to my left, right next to Kanzaki. "We're gonna save the world, kids. And we're gonna do it as a family." I turned to watch him out of the corner of my eye as he knelt down and wrapped his arms around Kanzaki and Mimura, pulling them close. He had a smug smirk on his face.

I'm getting sick and tired of this jackass's 'family' bullshit.

"Well?" he asked, looking at Kanzaki. I could see her horrified face. "You're gonna do everything Father tells you to, eh?"

"Uh... I..." Kanzaki murmured before she stood up. "Actually, sir, to tell you the truth," she said, turning to face Takaoka. He stood up. "I'm not much for P.E." She smiled. "If I have to do it, I prefer Mr. Karasuma's class."

Takaoka licked his lips once. But he couldn't fool me, I saw the anger for a split second. That's why I wasn't terribly surprised when he backhanded Kanzaki with enough force to send her flying, bouncing across the ground.

"Gah! Kanzaki!" Sugino shouted as he and Nagisa rushed to go check on her. I remained seated. I realized after a second that my jaw hurt because I was clenching my teeth so tightly.

"Looks like we're having a little communications gap!" Takaoka said cheerfully as he rubbed his head. "The only answer here is _yes_." He got into a boxing stance, swinging his fist in a circle as he shifted his weight back and forth. "If anyone else needs a dose of good old-fashioned nonverbal reinforcement, Daddy Dearest will be happy to oblige!"

"Stop it!" I looked over at the sudden barked command to see Karasuma rushing down the steps and over to us. Instead of going over to Takaoka, he stopped by Kanzaki. "Hey, did he twist your neck?" he asked the girl. "Try moving your head side to side."

"I'll be okay," Kanzaki whispered.

"What about you?" Karasuma called over to Maehara.

The orange-haired boy raised a weak hand. He'd been able to sit up, at least. "Eh, I'll survive," he croaked out. Okano and Isogai were helping him sit up.

Takaoka clenched a massive fist. "See, we're fine," he told Karasuma easily. "Don't get your boxers in a wad, I'm not gonna go full throttle on my beloved fam!"

" _Correct_ ," Korosensei growled, placing a tentacle on Takaoka's shoulder. He was bright red and seething with anger, tentacles writhing. "Except they're not your 'fam', they're my students."

"Korosensei!" we all shouted. When the hells did he get here?

"Whatever you've been filling their heads with while my back was turned," he growled, veins twitching, "it stops now!"

"Hah!" Takaoka turned and brushed the tentacle on his shoulder away without a care in the world. "Sorry, big guy, this isn't your class! You teach your subjects, I'll teach mine! In Phys. Ed, I call the shots," he said. "Nothing I've done falls outside acceptable corporal punishment!" he continued, gesturing with his hands at the class. Y'know, when your best defense is 'It wasn't literally illegal', you have problems with your chosen path. "I gotta train these kids to kill you! That doesn't leave me a lot of time! I don't have the luxury of going easy on 'em!"

He leered at Korosensei, his face twisting in smug superiority. The face of someone who's above the law and knows it. "What, are you gonna attack me?" he demanded. "Over a dispute about educational philosophy? 'Cause if that's what this is, you just don't care for the way I teach!" Korosensei growled, veins bulging from his anger. He was probably half a second away from going pitch black.

But he couldn't do anything, despite the gasps of fear and shock from the rest of the class, and so he had to stand down. Takaoka nodded and turned to the rest of the class. "Alright, kids!" he said, clapping brightly. "First up is three sets of a hundred squats each!"

I gritted my teeth, but reluctantly stood up. Rebelling wouldn't do me any good while I had nothing to rebel with. Kanzaki and Maehara got back in place with their line, the poor girl shivering slightly and rubbing at her bruised cheek, and we got started. "One, two, three, four..." we started counting, doing the squats.

Somewhere around sixty or seventy I stopped paying actual attention to the numbers, and just listened to the sounds our words made and the motion of my body. It was less damaging that way; I didn't actually have to think. Which, in turn, freed up my attention for other, more important things, like watching Takaoka for any signs of weakness whatsoever.

Karasuma and Korosensei were sitting on the steps, talking quietly, but about what I had no real idea. Professor Bitch was standing at the top of the steps, watching us with her arms folded, but she wasn't going to be any help either. The groans of the students beside me were mixed with my own; my legs were on fire.

That was about when I noticed Takaoka grinning smugly, looking at Karasuma out of the corner of his eyes with dark satisfaction. Was that... I suppose it could be aimed toward Professor Bitch, or Korosensei, but I doubt he had any interaction with our teacher before that and if he were glaring at Professor Bitch she'd be looking a lot more than just irritated.

If I had to guess, Karasuma and Takaoka were from the same branch of the military - if only because they both referred to their bosses as HQ. I mean, they might not be from the same group, but they were both definitely military. Whatever his problem was, this was clearly his chance at getting even or whatever. His eyes widened and he leered, turning towards Karasuma more obviously, and I would have licked my lips if my tongue didn't feel like sandpaper. Seriously, all the moisture in my mouth was gone.

"Ugh..." Sugaya gasped. "This is seriously not funny..."

"Three hundred squats?" Okajima whined. "We're gonna freakin' die!" I couldn't see the two of them, since they were behind me, and I get the feeling Takaoka would take offense to me stopping to chat.

 _Kurahashi_ , though, was in front of me, and I could see her just fine. Which was why I had a front row seat to when she kneeled down and cried out, "Mr. Karasuma, please!"

A shadow fell over her. "Watch it," Takaoka told her, and she whimpered. Everyone stopped what they were doing and froze, staring at him. He cracked his knuckles. "Karasuma ain't part of our family, doll face. Someone needs a _lesson_." Kurahashi let out a terrified breath.

He was looming over Kurahashi, invading her personal space. I saw how frightened she was of him, how exhausted she had to be, and I saw red -

 _(Keiko!)_

\- and then just as he was preparing to strike her for her refusal to accept him, he stopped. He looked up.

I was standing just behind Kurahashi, the viper wrapped around me and pulsing with every heartbeat. "If you touch _any_ of them again," I told him quietly, "I will kill you. I don't care what I will have to do, or what happens to me, you will be dead by my hands." They are _mine_ to use and break as I see fit, not his.

"Nick..." Kurahashi gasped, scrambling out of the way.

"Let me repeat myself so that I can be sure I've gotten through that thick skull of yours," I said without any particular inflection to my voice. I didn't have the ability to let my voice deepen from the light tenor, but I still laced the words with the viper's hiss. "If you touch my classmates, you will die." _My_ classmates. _Mine._

It didn't really matter that the threat was bladeless. I couldn't _actually_ follow through with my death threat – I was just a middle school kid, and he was a military-trained adult. The point was to challenge his authority and force him to respond.

Takaoka kept his smile plastered on his face as he licked his lips once. Then, without warning, one of his massive fists balled up and slammed into my stomach, lifting me off my feet and knocking me to the ground. "You kids just don't learn! When you stand up to Daddy, that makes him _very_ angry!" That was fine... I could take the blows, Kurahashi couldn't.

I had expected some form of physical reprisal, and I'd managed to ride the blow enough to be able to stand back up. Still, my stomach muscles shrieked their protest. "I've always hated my father," I hissed, wincing slightly at the pain. "Why should this one be any different?" I spat at his feet.

Takaoka didn't reply, he just punched me again. This one took me in the chest, and I managed to turn slightly so that most of the force was translated to spinning rather than impact.

I struggled to my feet. "You hit like a girl!" I gasped out. I'm pretty sure it didn't matter what I said, so long as it was 'disrespectful', to use his terms. That time Takaoka's mask of geniality flickered and I'm pretty sure he aimed his next punch at my solar plexus. I tried to exhale, but my body couldn't take the punishment anymore and I collapsed to my knees, croaking with pain as I tried to get air through my battered diaphragm. I need to breathe, body, oxygen is necessary...

"I... was wrong..." I rasped between breaths, and Takaoka seemed inordinately pleased with himself. Well _fuck him_. "The girls... hit harder than you! No wonder... you couldn't... beat Mr. Karasuma!"

 _That_ wiped the smile off his face in a hurry.

It was a wild shot in the dark, but I'd seen how he looked so smugly at Karasuma - there was bad blood between them, and I'd placed my money on Karasuma. In retrospect, perhaps it hadn't been the best idea to break his self-control when he was in the middle of 'correcting his children'. In an instant, he was in a towering rage, and it was all directed straight at me.

Oh, fuck, this is gonna hurt...

I gritted my teeth as he balled his fist up and reared back. Still, I kept staring at him. I would _not_ give him the pleasure of seeing me cower. I stared down the Gleam Eyes, you fucker. I won't turn away from _you_.

Which was why I was able to see Karasuma appear, catching Takaoka's fist in one hand. Takaoka's face, filled with rage and pleasure - what a creep - stayed the same, but I could see the way his eyes trembled.

"That's enough," Karasuma said simply, his hand tight around Takaoka's wrist. "If you hurt these kids, then you'll have to answer to me."

Okay, that was pretty cool.

I tried to get up, but I, well, couldn't. My body wouldn't let me sit up, let alone stand. Fortunately, Sugino and Nagisa were able to help me sit up and then help me limp away, despite the pain shooting through my stomach with every step. "Okay," I gasped in pain, "we're vertical. That's one step closer to mobile." My head swam for a moment and I exhaled to tighten my core as Nagisa supported me when my knees threatened to buckle. "I'm okay. I am _okay_."

"You're… really not…" he said.

"Bah..." I gasped out, before letting out a hacking cough. Ow...

"Ah, there it is," Takaoka said, grinning weakly. "I was wondering when you'd throw your chips in, old buddy! Heh!" He pulled away from Karasuma's grip and stood up. "What's the big deal?" he asked innocently, spreading his arms like he had no clue what was going on. "Who are you to criticize how I choose to teach? If this is somethin' you and me need to settle like men," he continued, turning to face Karasuma, "I'm up for the challenge. Just remember we're teachers, first," he said, grinning smugly at Karasuma. Karasuma just stared back impassively.

"Here's what I propose," Takaoka suggested. "Cherry-pick your star pupils out of the students _you've_ trained by _your_ methods." He walked past Karasuma, over towards his duffel bag. "Set 'em on me, and if their knife so much as grazes my aura, I'll concede that your way of training is superior to mine." He knelt down and unzipped the bag. "No fuss, no backpedaling, I'll pack it in and leave." My Bullshit Detectors are blaring right now.

The students, though, clearly needed to upgrade their own Bullshit Detectors, because they gasped with surprise and what sounded like faint hope.

"We won't be using these, though," Takaoka said suddenly, waving one of the floppy Anti-Korosensei knives in his hand. He tossed it behind him to a general gasp of shock from the watching students. "No, sir, we won't." He turned around suddenly, whipping something bright from the bag, and I frowned. He slammed the point of the knife down, piercing the Anti-Korosensei knife into the dirt. It was a shining piece, one clearly designed for cutting someone open. The edge was sharp, and the spine was serrated to assist in guarding against other knives - all in all, an excellent-looking blade. Takaoka's smile was wide and menacing, his eyes staring. "When the object is to kill a human being, you can't rely on toys!" His eyes were twitching. "So we'll be using the real McCoy!"

A real knife.

It's been a while since I've seen one. Huh... I wonder how Sugou's suffering these days? I haven't thought about that in forever. Though, right now I'm not sure if the warm feeling in my chest is from that or possibly internal bleeding.

Wait. He wants to use an actual knife? "This is ridiculous!" Karasuma shouted immediately. "These kids aren't prepared to take down a real human being and you know it!"

Takaoka rose to his full height, pulling the knife out of the ground and resting lightly on his shoulder. "Don't get all Concerned Citizen on me, they ain't gotta kill nothin'! Just come close. And I'll do ya a solid, by defending myself barehanded!"

As I saw Takaoka roll his eyes up and lick his lips, I recognized the trap for what it was. If Takaoka defeated the armed attacker with nothing but his bare hands, it would generate a sense of hopelessness in the watchers. 'Even with a blade, we can't beat him!' the subconscious thought would be whispering in our ears. If we lost, we'd lose permanently. I expected him to make an example out of the lucky student, pounding them into the ground brutally and without a hint of mercy. Instantly, he'd be on the top of the heap, even if we loathed him.

"What are you waiting for!" Takaoka called out mockingly. "Pick yourself a champion! Or save us both the headache and agree to let me run the show from now on!" He tossed the knife towards Karasuma, and it buried itself in the ground blade first. How do they always manage to do that?

As the class whispered to themselves, Karasuma just stared at the knife. After a brief moment of hesitation, he bent over and picked up the knife. Takaoka was just grinning easily, off to the side. I bet he was expecting this, and that was the reason he brought the knife with him. Karasuma looked over at the class, eyes scanning over everyone, and I swallowed. I couldn't read his face at all; it was like staring at a brick wall, for all the information he was giving me. Even as he walked forward, I couldn't tell if he was going to give the knife to me, to Isogai, to Okano or Kataoka... It was the crucial tipping point.

Karasuma stopped in front of his chosen student, and my eyes widened for an instant before they narrowed. "Nagisa," Karasuma said. "You're up."

...Why Nagisa? Why would he... Hm...

I think I might have an idea, though it's predicated on a heartless sacrifice of Nagisa - because even if Takaoka destroys Nagisa, the class won't be thoroughly broken. He's one of our weakest, after all…

As Nagisa jerked in surprise, the class muttered at Karasuma's bold and probably crazy decision. "Sir, are you kidding?" Sugino asked.

"In my eyes," Karasuma said, "we're all fellow soldiers on a mission to save Earth from destruction. Whatever our differences are, we share that goal." He didn't blink as he watched Nagisa. "The least you kids deserve for being put in this situation is my respect. I may not be much of a father figure, but I appreciate your dilemma. So if you don't feel comfortable," he said, "you don't have to take up the knife."

Silently and wide-eyed, Nagisa stared at the knife that Karasuma was holding out to him. "Our duty as teachers is to prepare you for life," Karasuma told him and the rest of us. "Not force you into it kicking and screaming."

I realized something, then. Karasuma always looked us in the eyes, no matter what. Granted, I never met his gaze - I didn't like meeting people's eyes, for whatever reason. Maybe it felt like they could read past my guard? - but he put forth the effort, regardless. It was the same with the other kids in the class; he always gave us the respect of fellow soldiers. Ah. That's why it felt so familiar. It was the same feeling as in Aincrad, whenever I stood up to give orders at a boss planning meeting. They weren't judging me or dismissing me based on my relative youth. I was being treated as an equal for my ability.

"Nagisa," I rasped suddenly as he stared at Karasuma. Both of them turned to look at me as I made my way to them; I was still a little light-headed, but I'd been able to rest for a few minutes. That would give me enough energy to handle fighting Takaoka. "If you don't want to do this, let me handle it, Mr. Karasuma. The trap won't work so well if he beats on someone already injured. Besides, real knife, Anti-Korosensei knife, it makes no difference to me. I... The choice is yours."

I'm pretty sure Karasuma knew exactly what that meant in terms of my life experience, judging by the brief flash in his eyes, but fuck it I don't even care at this point.

Nagisa looked at me, then at Karasuma. Then, silently, he reached out and grasped the handle of the knife. Kataoka and some of the other girls let out breaths of surprise as Nagisa lifted the blade, glancing in its shining reflection. "Thanks for offering, Nick," Nagisa told me. "But if Mr. Karasuma sees fit to hand me the knife, I'll trust his decision and take it."

I nodded slowly. "Alright, then." Without another word, I stepped back.

Nagisa glanced at the knife again, and his eyes narrowed. "I'm your guy," he said simply, biting the knife and stretching his arms out.

"Oh, come on, this twig?" Takaoka laughed. "Eyes must be going in your old age!"

Karasuma took Nagisa aside and started murmuring something to him. I wasn't sure what it was, but it had to be advice for the fight against Takaoka. "Do you think Nagisa will get anywhere near him?" Sugaya asked.

"I don't think so," Kimura said. "Guy's a pro! Hell, how would _you_ do with a real knife?"

Beside me, Kayano let out a little sound of worry, and I nudged her with my elbow. "Kid'll be fine," I told her. "Worst comes to worst, Korosensei will stop Takaoka before he hurts Nagisa."

"You really think so?"

I just shrugged wordlessly, not replying. I save lies for when it's important.

Takaoka shrugged off his jacket and tossed it behind him. It was just him and his white polo shirt against Nagisa. "Ready when you are!" he called out, gesturing with one hand.

Nagisa dropped into a fighting stance with practice, and I could see the sick anticipation in Takaoka's wide manic smile. I mean, I knew exactly what he was expecting to happen; hells, I was expecting it myself. Any human, the first time they had to fight someone with a real weapon that could really kill, would freeze. Their reactions would slow down, they would tremble, and all that worry about what would happen if their target actually died would make them weaker by half. Against something like that, Takaoka would be able to easily defend the weak slashes and proceed to brutally beat Nagisa to the ground.

Takaoka was a sick bastard, that was for sure. I'm willing to bet that he's going to let Nagisa get a few swings in, just to show that even without countering he was untouchable. I would say he was like a cat playing with its meal, but I happen to like cats and don't want to associate them with him. So instead, I'll consider him a jackdaw, the asshole of the avian world. He'll play with Nagisa, give him false hope, and then grind it into the ground.

Nagisa tensed, and I saw him start to go pale. Is it dawning on him? Takaoka licked his lips.

What did Karasuma tell him? What was the secret that he told Nagisa? I had to know. "Sir," I whispered to Karasuma after I moved next to him. "What did you tell Nagisa?"

"I told him what he needed to do to win," he replied.

What he needed to do to win...? The win condition was, if I recall the braggart's words correctly, to just nick even his aura with the knife.

That's when it dawned on _me_. Takaoka was treating this like a battle. Like a fight. Hells, I'd been treating it the same. I'd been thinking Nagisa had to overcome the boss monster in front of him, fight it until its health reached zero.

But that wasn't the case. For Nagisa, this was an _assassination_. He didn't need to beat him.

 _He just needed to kill him._

Nagisa straightened up.

He smiled peacefully.

He walked towards Takaoka normally, the knife in his hands swinging by his side.

Takaoka just watched, confused by his actions.

Nagisa bumped into Takaoka's arm.

Silence.

...

…

And then Nagisa's bloodlust _exploded_ as he tensed and swung the knife straight at Takaoka's neck without hesitating. That was the first time that Takaoka...

...seemed to realize...

...that he was about to be killed. He jerked his head back, eyes wide with panic as Nagisa's slash missed by maybe a hair. This was real. He was about to die. Nagisa's eyes were hard and remorseless. He was going to _die_. And nobody, not even me, can keep calm when they're forced to realize that. Takaoka stumbled slightly, off-balance from the last-second dodge he'd been forced to make, and Nagisa sprang forward. He tugged on Takaoka's shirt, gently helping Takaoka down; once the center of gravity had shifted backwards, he was felled by just a simple tug on his clothes.

He crashed to the ground, and I let out a sudden breath as the viper within me felt true kinship for the first time. My jaw dropped. But it made sense; Takaoka could block from the front no problem. That was why the python slithered behind him, attacking from the rear. Takaoka let out a shriek of fear as the python opened its jaws, ready to sink its teeth in -

\- and I realized that Nagisa was sitting casually, legs clamped around Takaoka's waist. One hand was covering Takaoka's eyes, pulling his head back, and the other was holding the back of the knife to the exposed throat.

"Looks like I win," Nagisa said easily.

I stared. What...

We all stared. What the hell...

That wasn't... something you see every day. Son of a bitch... Nagisa has a talent for assassination. It was unreal. He strolled right up to the target with no care in the world; he hid his intent perfectly until the last second, springing the trap when he was barely centimeters away. That chill, earlier, when trying to tag Karasuma... That wasn't training for Nagisa. That was the bloodlust of a killer. He was genuinely assassinating Karasuma.

He's a natural-born assassin. What an amazing gift to have.

Nagisa jerked suddenly, eyes wide with uncertainty. "Oh, wait a second," he said. "Was I _supposed_ to use the back of my knife?"

And just like that, the python was hidden again. I couldn't even...

"I'll take that, thank you." I looked over to see Korosensei pulling the knife away from Nagisa. Amusingly, that was about the time that Nagisa let Takaoka slump to the ground, the grown man frothing at the mouth and groaning. "Game, set, and match! Mr. Karasuma..." Karasuma jerked, torn from his thoughts. "Outrageous!" Korosensei declared, taking a literal bite out of the knife. "Giving one of my students a real knife?" He munched the rest of the blade away. "Have you lost your marbles!" Takaoka was still trembling in Nagisa's grip, his mind lost to terror. "He could have been hurt! Or worse!"

Nagisa chuckled sheepishly, and like a dam burst the rest of the class rushed towards him as he stood up and walked forward. As I joined them, I heard the entire class trying to say something at once, though Isogai saying, "Do you know what kind of a game-changer this is?!" was really the only thing I managed to parse out of the babbling.

"Easy, guys, let's not make a big deal out of it, okay?" Nagisa said. "I just did what Mr. Karasuma told me to, that's all."

Maehara approached the blue-haired kid silently. Then he slapped Nagisa for no reason, and I blinked, surprised. "Ow!" Nagisa complained, pressing a hand to his cheek. "What was that for?!"

"Sorry," Maehara apologized. "I, uh, needed to make sure that was you." The look of sheepish chagrin on Nagisa's face was priceless, and I let out a little chuckle. Maehara slung his arm around Nagisa after that, though, and said, "Sincerely, though, you're awesome! That whole ordeal was a total rush!"

Takaoka was sitting up now, breathing heavily.

"Well done, Nagisa," I told him. "Really."

A shadow loomed over me and Nagisa, and the look of sudden surprise and fear made me turn around. Takaoka was breathing heavily, like an enraged bull. I suddenly realized how _tall_ the man was, especially when I was right in front of the guy like that. "You ungrateful punks!" he spat, his mask of geniality gone. "You think it's fun, shaming your father figure, huh?! Having the time of your lives pretending you've won?! Hope you had fun, because Daddy's about to rip you apart!" His eyes were bulging, and I'm pretty sure some of the veins had burst. "Mind! Body! And _soul_!"

Nagisa stepped up beside me, and I fell back, letting him have the floor. "Not gonna lie," he said. "If we went for a round two, I'd lose." There was something admirable in the way he admitted that. "But I'll tell you something. Whatever you do," he said, "you're not the boss of us. Mr. Karasuma is our P.E. teacher. That's all there is to it. When _you_ try to be our dad, it just makes us feel like children. Mr. Karasuma may come off as all business, but he treats us as equals. He's approachable, he's cool... He's got nothing to prove. Thanks for trying," Nagisa bowed to Takaoka, "but he's the class dad."

Takaoka trembled with rage, eyes bulging from their sockets. His veins were visible, giving his eyes a pink tinge that made them look demented.

"Am I the class mom?" Professor Bitch asked us plaintively.

"You're the class bitch," Glasses... Shit, what's his name again? Oh yeah, Takebayashi... said, adjusting his glasses.

"You're dead, asshole," Professor Bitch growled.

Takaoka trembled, the whites of his eyes all but completely swallowed up by the blood. "I'm not going to just stand here and listen to some brat spoutin' off!" he roared. "Raaaaagh!" With an enraged shout, he lunged towards Nagisa, clearly intending on hurting my classmate. I tried to move, but I wasn't in time to do anything.

Mainly because Karasuma was already there, slamming his elbow into Takaoka's chin. It was insane, the speed with which he crossed the distance between where Korosensei was standing and Nagisa's side. What was more, the strength with which he'd slammed his elbow into Takaoka combined with Takaoka's own momentum was enough to flip Takaoka, all but making the larger man do a somersault and land flat on his back. I grinned, relieved. Karasuma had answered the faith Nagisa had placed in him.

Takaoka slammed into the ground with a groan, and Karasuma straightened up. "Sorry if my colleague's a bit too big for his britches," he said. "He's not in a position to threaten you. Don't give him another thought," he told us, turning to look at the class. "I'll negotiate with my superiors to put things back the way they were."

"Mr. Karasuma!" half the class chorused, grinning at him.

"Gah..." We all turned to look at Takaoka, who was trying to sit up. He was foaming at the mouth... "It's gonna take more than that to be done with me! You get this job over my dead bo-"

"That won't be necessary," a calm, crisp voice said.

We looked behind us to see Principal Asano calmly strolling down the steps. Unbidden, we split apart in order to let him through to Takaoka. "I trust you'll forgive the intrusion, everyone," he said as he kneeled by Takaoka. "I came to see our new hire in action." He reached and gripped Takaoka's jaw, prying it open with one hand while another dug in his jacket pocket. "And it must be said. Your methods are nothing short of a travesty."

I tensed up, sensing something coming from Principal Asano. It wasn't bloodlust, I knew that much - but it was strangely frightening. It was like... bugs, crawling over my skin. Centipedes. "Granted, fear is the engine of education." Skittering over every word. "But a teacher able to instill fear only through violence is nothing but a brute." A centipede skittered out of his words and into Takaoka's mouth, dangled there by the principal. "And I do not employ brutes."

"But-!" Takaoka tried to argue, but the centipedes were flowing into him. "I was only trying to-!"

"Your walking papers," Principal Asano told him, and I blinked. The papers were stuffed into his mouth, where I'd seen the centipedes. "The Ministry of Defense does _not_ call the shots here," he continued as he walked away from Takaoka and from us, wiping at his hands with a handkerchief. "And I intend to keep it that way. This is my school and my school alone." He tossed the handkerchief to the side. "Remember that."

I smiled happily as I watched Takaoka shake and writhe on the ground. He seemed so terrified by the giant bug that President Asano had shoved into his mouth. _Good_ , he deserved it for hurting my classmates.

...Hey, wait a minute! That diseased, self-important carbuncle of a Principal just stole our kill! He showed up and fired Takaoka to rob us of our victory and prove that _he_ was the one in charge. What an asshole.

"Damn it... Damn it...!" Takaoka suddenly bolted upright and ran for the door, grabbing his bag as he went. "Damn it damn it damn it damn it!" The clouds finally passed, and the sun came out.

My eyes suddenly unfocused as a lance of pain spiked through my forehead, and I made a choked sound that might have been a stifled gasp had I been able to vocalize properly. My head felt like it was being split in two by an axe, with someone running a wood chipper in the background. Fuck fuck fuck this hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts... I whimpered, clutching at my head and trying to push it together. I was used to headaches - I had them all but literally constantly, to the point that I didn't even notice getting a headache most of the time - but this was beyond the boundaries of even _my_ pain threshold.

Okay... My body is finally giving up and shutting down for now... Fucking Takaoka...

Ow, why is Kayano being so _loud_? She's asking me something, but I can't hear her over the ringing... I wish she'd speak quieter.

Oh. She's helping me stay upright. That's nice of her... I think I'm gonna... _hng this hurts..._ let her help me.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Headaches like this were likely caused by blood pressure being too high, so lowering my heart rate might help. After a few seconds, the ringing stopped and I let out a sigh of relief as the worst of the pain dulled to just every few seconds instead of constantly.

"The man got handed a pink slip?" Kimura asked, unbelievingly.

"Does that mean Mr. Karasuma is back to being our gym teacher again?" Okajima asked in the same tone of voice.

A beat of silence hovered over the class while we all parsed that. "Yeahhh!" the class celebrated, cheering loudly. I winced and tried to cover my ears without being too obvious about it. "Alright! Yeah!"

"Man, the principal can do something good every now and then," Sugino laughed.

"Y...yeah," Nagisa agreed carefully. "That's even scarier, though, if you think about it."

A few of the others drifted over to where Karasuma was standing next to Korosensei, and I followed. ...Was there a reason Korosensei had a blue flower in his teeth? "Mr. Karasuma, sir?" Nakamura asked. "We were wondering, since we kinda got your job back for you and all... Maybe we've got something in the way of a little thank you coming?"

"Yeah!" Kurahashi clapped her hands. "Mr. Takaoka would have given us a bunch of sweets for being so good!"

"Well now..." Karasuma grinned slightly. That's a rare sight. "I'm not much of a connoisseur," he said, brandishing his wallet. "I guess, you could buy yourse-"

"Yoink!" Professor Bitch snatched it from his grasp with an excellent grab.

"Yeah!" the class celebrated. I didn't, but only because sudden movements made my head pound.

"Sucker!" Professor Bitch laughed, pumping her fist in the air.

Korosensei wiggled his tentacles, blushing. "Surely I deserve some thanks too!"

"Oh yeah?" Yada asked. "For doing what?"

"You've pretty much been on the sidelines the whole time," Kimura told him.

Panicking, Korosensei started flailing his tentacles. "Au contraire, boys and girls! I was scrutinizing your plight in thoughtful silence in hopes of demonstrating to Mr. Karasuma the type of -"

"Whatever," Kurahashi said, wrapping her arms around one of Karasuma's. ...Is it mean to think that she probably needed both arms? "Let's go, class dad! We can show you all the places to buy sweet stuff!"

As Kurahashi chattered, I grinned, following the class as we all got ready to go get some sweets. I could get used to bribery like this. Yep. Karasuma for best gym teacher.

...Wait, what's that squishing, panting sound?

I looked back to see Korosensei low to the ground, almost horizontal really, creeping along on just two feet tentacles and the tips of his hand tentacles. "Gross!" Okano exclaimed. "Is that how he grovels?!"

"How badly does he want this stuff?!" Nakamura shouted.

Korosensei suddenly accelerated, dashing towards us as the girls screamed in surprise. "Please please please please please!" he babbled.

* * *

"You wanted to see me, sir?" I asked Karasuma. It was late the next day, after the others had gone home.

"How's your stomach?" he asked me.

I blinked and poked at my chest. It hurt where I'd been hit, but I was used to being in pain. "Fine. I guess I didn't really get hurt that bad, though it certainly felt like it at the time," I admitted.

"Hm..."

"So, what did you want?" I asked him. "Sorry if I'm rude, but I, uh, kinda need to get home and make my dinner."

Karasuma narrowed his eyes at that, but shook his head for some reason. "The reason I asked you out here was to have you try something," he told me. I raised an eyebrow. "I want you to try to kill me."

I blinked at him and then tilted my head. Then I blinked at him some more. "Come again?" I said finally.

"No fighting," he said. "Just one stroke."

"I..." I pulled out my knife from its sheathe and tilted it. "Is the Anti-Korosensei knife okay, then?"

"That's fine." Karasuma loosened his tie and got into a fighting stance. "Remember, don't try to fight me. Just kill me."

I nodded, and dropped into a fighting -

Wait. No. I don't want to do that. My bloodlust was blazing brightly, the viper wrapped around my body. It was hissing loud and clear, telling me how I should strike to move his guard, force him to block in certain ways. How to fight him.

But I didn't follow through with it. This wasn't a fight, it was an assassination. Instead, I carefully considered what Nagisa had felt like, when he was gliding up to Takaoka without a care in the world. He had been... entirely calm. Entirely natural - so much so, in fact, that he'd seemed to leave afterimages as he walked forward. Like my mind had been fooled into thinking that he had no intention of taking another step, and then he did anyway. He was _calm_.

I'd tried being calm before, but… There was something about the way Nagisa had acted, the way he felt like he couldn't possibly be a threat. When I tried to hide my bloodlust, it always surged and revealed itself, so how did Nagisa hide it?

…What if he didn't hide it? What if it was always there, just instead of hiding it, he owned it? It _was_ him and he _was_ the python and so I needed to _be_ the viper-

Something clicked - _snapped_ , almost - into place and between one heartbeat and the next the viper vanished.

It was a foreign feeling for me; the viper had been a constant companion ever since it'd been awoken in Aincrad. Always curled up deep within me when I wasn't using it - but this time was different. It was _gone_ , not just locked up and hidden away under the surface. I knew I'd been leaking bloodlust, for want of a better description; I'd have been a fool to think otherwise. But now, it was... gone. Nothing was leaking.

So instead of lunging for the attack, I just walked forward, doing the same thing I'd seen Nagisa do. Walking towards Karasuma like I was just walking to school. Nothing was different. Nothing at all.

I took one step past Karasuma, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his eyes turn towards me, his head shifting just a bit.

The viper exploded out of me and I struck with a hiss, knife scything towards his stomach. From there, I just had to rip upwards until my knife pierced his heart.

Karasuma jerked in surprise as my knife tried to strike home, but unlike Takaoka he didn't panic and let his mind fall into confusion. Instead, he deflected the blade with a well-placed sweep of his hand, barely brushing my knife aside in time so that it scraped against his other arm instead of thrusting into his chest. He grabbed my arm and tugged, moving me off-balance, and when I stumbled, forced to move forward, his knee lifted upwards and pressed at my chest.

I'd lost.

"I see," Karasuma said quietly before he let me go, lowering his knee.

"Um... Did I pass?" I asked.

"It wasn't a test," he assured me. "Go on and go home."

"Yes sir," I said easily, sheathing my knife. As I walked away, I pondered the feeling I'd experienced for a few heartbeats. "Dear gods that felt strange," I murmured, staring speculatively at my hands. The viper was back in the pit of my stomach, where it always had been and where it always would be. "Hah... Guess I can't hide it for too long." It felt... like the viper had been there the entire time...? But how was that possible? It had been _gone_. It didn't have any hold on me. Still, the simple fact that I could _eliminate_ my bloodlust, not just restrain it or distract it, even for only a few minutes?

That was a game changer. My plans would have to be modified to account for these new variables...

* * *

 **Oh, man, this chapter! I love this chapter! Nagisa versus Takaoka has to be one of my favorite moments in the manga/anime, and I hope I did it justice.**

 **So yeah, anyway: Nagisa is a fucking badass, who would have thought, right? I was so excited when I saw that for the first time. I mean, here I was, writing this story where the main character's bloodlust was personified/described as a viper, and then all of the sudden this other character has the exact same thing only it's a python. That alone sold me on making the crossover happen eventually; I think I read this chapter of the manga right about the time I was working on the last chapter of the first Nightblade. Some of you might have recognized a throwaway description line as coming from/being inspired by this series. I think that Assassination Classroom is what gave me the idea for describing his bloodlust as a snake in the first place, so in a way we've come full circle. (Also I just realized that the way I write it, Nick's bloodlust is like his Stand. Ooh, what's a good name for the Stand? I don't know music… Snake Eater is a good option, as is Cat Scratch Fever.)**

 **The reason for Karasuma's challenge at the end? Remember what Nick said to him and Nagisa at the crucial moment the day before. He basically admitted that he'd used a real knife before with intent to kill - and implied that it was successful. It should make sense from there… I don't want to just come right out and say it, because that defeats the purpose of not expositing it in the story, but there should be enough room to read between the lines.**

 **Fun fact: the original draft had Nick finding a second knife in Takaoka's bag and then holding Takaoka at knifepoint right before Nagisa gave his speech about Karasuma being the dad, but I decided to scrap it. One, because I was already going to have Nick turn off his bloodlust when trying to assassinate Karasuma and could switch the discovery to there, and two, because it just struck me as 'Oh guys look at how amazing my OC is guys he's so cool and edgy right right right?' and I will avoid that like the plague if I ever realize it. So I just shifted the discovery to the Karasuma fight and scrapped anything involving Takaoka and Nick fighting beyond when Nick stood up to him.**

 **(also like one or two line stealth-edit a few days after this was posted to make it clear why Nick _thinks_ he's standing up to Takaoka (the _(italics in parenthesis)_ are subconscious motivations))**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	15. Vision Time

**Chapter 15: Vision Time**

* * *

It was a beautiful day, outside.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing... On days like this, kids like us...

It felt like we were burning in hell.

"So hooooot..." Mimura moaned. We were all slumped over our desks, in various positions. Nakamura was literally on her back, staring at the ceiling. "Days like today, a classroom with no AC is hell..."

"How undisciplined..." Korosensei scolded us, brandishing his octopus-shaped blackboard pointer in the air. "It's summertime! Of course it's going to be hot! Japan is a humid subtropical climate, so we just have to tolerate it." He'd be a lot more convincing if it didn't look like he was melting himself, flopped over his lectern the way he was. "By the way, after school I'll be making a quick trip to the Arctic."

"No fair!" we shouted at him. Idiotic octopus.

Korosensei Weakness Number Twenty-One: He can't stand the heat.

Kurahashi straightened up. "But the pool opens today, right? I'm really looking forward to P.E!"

Kimura glanced over at her. "Nah... Using the pool would be hell for us Class E kids. It's down on the main campus, so we'd have to take a hike all the way down the mountain under the blazing sun." I shuddered. No thanks.

"People call it the Class E Pool Death March," Kataoka said. "Especially when we have to climb back up the mountain, after exhausting ourselves at the pool. Without any strength, all we can do is become food for the crows."

I groaned. "Man... I wish the heat were dry." Like in the volcanos of Alfheim. Those were hotter than this, but the humidity made it feel so much worse. Seriously, when I stepped outside this morning, I felt like I got slapped in the face by the wet air.

"Ugh..." Maehara grumbled. "C'mon, carry us to the main building, Korosensei."

"Geez, guess there's no helping it," Korosensei told us, poking at his head with his pointer, "...is what I'd like to say, but you can't rely on my speed!" He crossed his finger tentacles, making the purple X face and the wrong buzzer sound. "There are plenty of things that can't be done, even with Mach 20 speed!"

Maehara slumped back over. "I guess you're right..." he admitted. I can't exactly see how we'd be able to keep Korosensei a secret if we had him ferrying us up and down the mountain, after all. Sooner or later, someone would notice Class E just appearing and disappearing out of nowhere.

"...Still, I understand how you feel," Korosensei said, placing his lesson book on the lectern. I - well, I didn't perk up, given the oppressive heat, but I blinked blearily in interest. "Oh well. All of you, go get changed into your swimsuits." He stood by the window with a small hand fan, decorated in the pattern of his smug face. "There's a small stream nearby, on the other side of the mountain, right? Let's go there and cool off."

I tilted my head curiously. That was new information - I didn't know we had a stream. Still, the silence of the other kids in the class wasn't exactly encouraging. Something must be wrong with it.

I got changed privately, of course, so as to not let the others see my scar; after everyone was done changing, we headed out and followed Korosensei as he picked a path down the mountain. "Whoo!" Korosensei said cheerfully. "Talk about helter swelter, am I right, boys and girls? Quite the heat we've got!" He is entirely too cheerful about this.

"So the other side of the mountain had a stream, huh," Hayami said.

"Sorta," Chiba answered her, hands in his jacket pockets. "Even if you call it a stream, it's about ankle-deep at best." Urgh. Well, at least our two snipers are getting along fairly well, so I guess that's the silver lining here?

"Hey, so why are we hiking down the mountain again?" Sugino asked, looking around.

"To swim, maybe?" I glanced over Nagisa's shoulder at his phone, since Ritsu was talking. Aw, she even had her own swimsuit with her name on it, that was adorable. "Only... the main campus's pool is... in the opposite direction," she said, grinning uneasily.

"Yeah..." Nagisa agreed. As he put his phone away, I listened to the chatter of the students behind me - it wasn't anything too terribly important. Just the idle chatter of middle school kids.

"Hey Nagisa!" I looked over to see Karma approaching on Nagisa's right. "I heard you were a real badass the other day. Sorry I wasn't around," he grinned. "I'd've loved to see the guy's face."

Nagisa grinned. That's right... I don't remember Karma being around when Nagisa took down Takaoka. A shame, too; Karma seems like the kind of guy to appreciate how easy it was to take Takaoka by surprise. I mean, compared to Korosensei, it was easy to take anyone by surprise. The problem was, of course, we were on a time limit, and none of us are any closer to finding a successful way to assassinate our teacher.

As we followed Korosensei, I wondered where we were going - and then my questions were answered when he stopped and turned around. "Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," he laughed. "I said it earlier, didn't I? That there are things you can't do, even with Mach 20 speed. One such example is taking you all to the pool. To do that, it would take an entire day."

"A day?" Isogai laughed. "You're exaggerating, sir. It's just a twenty-minute walk to the pool down on the main campus."

"Hmm? Who said anything about going to the main campus?" Korosensei's face seemed a little ominous, which was strange. "Alright, class! Feast your eyes on this!"

Curiously, the class approached the bushes. Magnanimously, I let Nagisa and Kayano go in front of me - for one, they were the shortest kids in the class so I could still see over their heads, and for two if this _was_ a trap of sorts then they'd be the first to get it. As the bushes parted, my eyes widened. The others all gasped.

Sunlight sparkled off of a massive pool that had been hidden previously; small waterfalls trickled between boulders with moss. There were a few pool chairs off to the side of the pool, and I really hope I can grab one of those because they look comfortable as hell. A small steel gate down on the other side of the pool answered how this place was created, anyway, while dividers created a two swimming lanes for the more athletically-minding. "Your very own swimming hole! Compliments of moi! One day to create it, one minute to get here. And in one second, you can jump right in!"

"Woohoo!" the class cheered. Nobody really wasted any time stripping off their jackets and jumping right in with huge grins and whoops of laughter. As for me, I hopped over to one of the pool chairs off to the side, grinning widely. It was still in the sun, but the pool itself meant the humidity wasn't so bad, so I got to enjoy the heat without any of the terrible sweltering oppressiveness. Plus, this meant I got to kick back and get some reading done!

Y'know, it makes it kinda hard to get into the whole mindset of needing to kill Korosensei, the way he acts. I mean, making a pool out of a stream, just for us? The octopus is certifiable. I know I need to kill him, I'm fully aware of the ramifications of _not_ doing so - and yet every time I try to shift my way of thinking, divorce myself from my emotional response, he does something crazy like this and then boom, I'm feeling grateful again.

Several pages into my book, I glanced up at my happily splashing classmates. It looked like Kanzaki and Okuda were watching Maehara and Isogai race each other down the lanes. Off to the side, Yada, Kurahashi, and Hayami were bouncing a Korosensei pool ball around, and a few of the other kids were splashing each other. I let my book rest on my chest and leaned back, stretching. I love the sun.

"Oh..." Kayano sighed, floating around on her little inflatable tube with a Korosensei pool ball on her lap. "Not to be ungrateful, but this is kinda sad. First of all, I can't even swim," she grumbled, "and second of all this bathing suit makes me feel self-conscious."

I think all bathing suits do that, actually. At least, that's what I'd noticed when talking with my sisters, if their complaints that summer we taught Sugu how to swim were anything to go by.

"You got nothing to worry about, babe," Okajima reassured her while staring at the camera he'd brought with him and fiddling with what looked like a zoom lens. "Take my word for it, plenty of people go for your body type."

"Gee, thanks," Kayano grumbled darkly. "And plenty of people wouldn't find it creepy that you're using a long-range lens," she said as the pervert grinned dopily and started taking pictures. She has a point. I wonder if I can find a rock to throw at him.

"Nagisa?!" Nakamura gasped in shock, and I peered around. The blue-hair kid was standing in the water in just his bathing suit by the rocks below me. "Oh snap! You're really a dude!"

"You didn't know that?!" he exclaimed.

"We had our doubts," Fuwa told him. To be fair, I wasn't exactly sure of that for a while myself.

A little bit later, I was enjoying a particularly good part of my book - it was medieval-esque, where the main character was a Dragon Companion, whatever that meant. Reading it kinda felt like one of those acid trips, where I'm not quite sure if what's going on follows normal logic but I'll just roll with it - when a whistle blew with a loud tweet. I jumped slightly, searching for the source of the obnoxious noise, and found it... Yeah, I found it pretty much exactly where I expected it to be.

That, of course, being the yellow octopus perched in a lifeguard's chair, dressed in a lifeguarding outfit with a brown kickboard in one tentacle. "Kimura!" he shouted. "Absolutely no running around the edge of the pool! That's how accidents happen!"

The boy in question slowed to a stop. "Oh. S-sorry..."

 _Tweet-tweet-tweet!_ The whistle blew again as Nakamura and Hara popped out of the water. "What do you think you two are doing!" Korosensei shrieked at them. "Absolutely no holding your breath underwater! How am I supposed to tell the difference between horseplay and drowning!" Isn't that the point, to hold your breath in order to avoid drowning? Unless this is a special type of high-concentrate oxygen water that you can breathe, of course.

 _Tweet!_ "Absolutely no sneaking pictures!" A tentacle wrapped around Okajima's camera and yanked it away, to Okajima's surprise and agitation. ...Okay, so they're not all bad.

 _Tweet!_ "Nick! Hazama! Put down those books and enjoy the water, for heaven's sake!" I glanced up at him, then over at Hazama who had sat down on the other pool chair at some point. Yeah, not happening.

 _Tweet-tweet-tweet-tw-tweet!_ Everyone in the class was just staring at Korosensei going nuts on his whistle with the same exasperated expression. "Wow, what a pain," Sugino muttered.

"Guess being a lifeguard really goes to some people's heads," Nakamura observed as Korosensei started blowing a little song on his whistle. "Brings out their inner Type A personality."

"No kidding!" Kimura agreed. "Someone tell him he needs to dial it back a notch..." There was a general rumble of agreement.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed, peering around the pool. "I've gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure this pool is in harmony with its natural surroundings! Proper enjoyment of it must be disciplined and orderly!"

Korosensei Weakness Number Twenty-Two: He's super strict about pool rules.

"Aw, c'mon!" Kurahashi grinned. "Don't be such a stick in the mud!" She's like Keiko, if Keiko had orange hair. Hm, that's a thought... Ask Keiko to dye her hair orange in Alfheim and see how similar they are... "You need to loosen up!" she exclaimed as she splashed him with water.

"Eeeeek!" Korosensei shrieked in a high pitch, flinching away from the water.

Everyone just kinda stood there, staring. I peered at him over the top of my book. "Uh..." Kurahashi said slowly.

"Um, did he just scream like a chick?" Nakamura muttered.

While Korosensei started laughing, clearly trying to play it off, Karma calmly reached out and started shaking the lifeguard chair. "Ack!" Korosensei yelped as the boy laughed cheerfully. "Karma! What are you doing?! Stop that! I'll fall in! Are you listening to me?!" Everyone was staring, at this point. "I said stop! Please..."

Finally, Karma let go, and Korosensei doubled over, panting. "Woah..." Isogai muttered. "Are you okay?" he asked our teacher.

"Don't read too much into it," Korosensei said, turning and placing a tentacle on his cheek while attempting to whistle. Hm... Is it me, or do the tentacles look... wrinkly? "I just don't feel like taking a dip at the moment, that's all. Certainly not like water causes my fingers to swell up or anything."

Well. _He's_ a poor liar.

Korosensei Weakness Number Twenty-Three: He can't swim.

I grinned like a shark. How promising.

"If you were never intending to get in the pool," Mimura pointed at him, "why even bother bringing that kickboard along?"

"This?" Korosensei asked, lifting the board in question. "This isn't a kickboard! It's my afternoon snack."

"Naturally."

I just sighed and put my headphones in, tuning out the outside world and delving back into my book. Sure, Korosensei might be weak to water, but it's not like I can do anything about it at the moment. Might as well just sit and listen to my music.

I lost plenty of time, just reading through my book and sunning. " _Stand! Bow! Lock on!_ " I hummed along to the music. I was alone, fortunately, or I wouldn't be caught dead doing something like this. Well, relatively alone; the rest of the students were all over discussing something else. I didn't really pay all that much attention, though by the looks of it Kataoka was hatching a plan to do something.

I turned the page and realized that I'd actually managed to finish my book. Just in time, too, because Nagisa turned and waved at me. "What's up?" I called, removing my earbuds and standing up. I yawned widely, cracking my back. I blinked, rubbing at my eyes, and realized Nagisa had said something. "Sorry, what was that? I was yawning very loudly."

He grinned and shook his head. "I said, we have to head back now. It's time for class."

"Oh." Well, that was good timing. I always hate when I finish a book with like thirty minutes left to kill, or when I'm in the middle of a good part and I have to pay attention to something that's not my book. "Coming."

That was the grand opening of our exclusive, Class E swimming pool. Eat a dick, main campus nerds.

* * *

"That! Is! Awesome!"

I glanced up from the morning's homework at Yoshida's loud exclamation. Honestly, it's been a day since the pool's opened up, couldn't you people burn off your energy over there instead? It'd make my day a lot smoother if I didn't have people being so... so... excited.

What was he even shouting about anyway?

For that matter, when did my desk get shifted over next to Ritsu? And why didn't I notice?

I stared at Korosensei. He had a red helmet on, and was riding a motorcycle. ...I'm just gonna ignore that brief pang of homesickness, since feeling that never does any good. The motorcycle, with the exception of the headlights and the windscreen, was made entirely out of wood. Okay, yeah, that's pretty neat. "Holy crap! You even got the flare sides right!"

Huh. Yoshida was a motorcycle geek. Who knew?

The door slid open and I turned slightly to look at it. "The hell you so stoked about?" Terasaka growled from the doorway, eyes twitching slightly.

"Oh, hey Terasaka," Yoshida said. "So, y'know how we always thought I was the only one here into bikes and stuff? Well, turns out Korosensei knows as much as I do about 'em." He seems nervous. Interesting.

"I may be an adult," Korosensei said with a silent laugh, "but I'll never outgrow the need for speed. I've dabbled in manly hobbies like this for years." Really? The walking tentacles is compensating? "Did you know this particular model can reach up to three hundred kilometers per hour? What I wouldn't give to burn rubber on the genuine article someday," he said, dismounting the motorcycle and pulling off his helmet.

"Are you kidding?" Yoshida grinned. "You can get this puppy to Mach 20 without pumping the gas!" As the class laughed, I grinned. It was amusing enough, though I'd prefer to get my homework done.

However, just as I was about to turn my attention back to the paperwork, I saw Terasaka grit his teeth and stalk forward, growling under his breath. With a savage kick, he lashed out and knocked the wooden model over, sending it crashing to the ground to the cries of surprise from Korosensei and Yoshida.

"C'mon, dude, what the hell is wrong with you!" Yoshida snapped at Terasaka.

"Apologize immediately!" Nakamura demanded, pointing at the thug. "Korosensei worked very hard on that to showcase his manliness, and you just reduced him to tears!"

"Yeah, what she said!" Kataoka, Mimura, and Fuwa chorused.

Korosensei was just huddled behind the sudden mob, sobbing.

"You're talking to me, and all I hear is a swarm of freakin' locusts," Terasaka said. I stiffened and looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. He reached into his desk and pulled out a can of something, grinning smugly. "It's time for some pest control!" he shouted, throwing the can down on the ground.

The can burst, spraying something everywhere. I growled and pulled my shirt over my nose and mouth, making an impromptu mask. I hate aerosolized sprays, and this one had burst at the base of its can, letting all of it out at once in a huge burst. "Wh-what is this?" one of my classmates shouted. I couldn't tell who, because of the cloud filling the room.

"Is that a bug bomb?!" I think that was Nakamura.

Gods, whatever it was, it stank. This is gonna be a bitch to get out of my shirt...

As the smoke cleared, Korosensei drew himself up to his full height, bright red. "That does it," he snapped, placing a tentacle on Terasaka's shoulder. "I enjoy a good prank as much as the next-"

Terasaka knocked the tentacle away. "Get those disgusting things the hell off," he growled. "You're a monster, you hear me?" he continued, glaring at Korosensei. "A freak of nature! Anyone who falls for your nice guy act is stupid! That's right!" he shouted as all of us glared at him.

Rage coursed through me at the insults, and I was heartbeats away from drawing the pistol out of my desk and taking a shot at the loudmouth when Karma spoke up from where he was leaning casually against the back wall. "I don't know what's got your jock in a tangle today," he said, "but if he's such a monster why not man up and kill him? I mean, last I checked, that _is_ what we're supposed to do here."

"You aimin' to start something with me, tough guy?" Terasaka asked darkly, glowering at Karma. "'Cause I wanted to bash your stupid head in since the moment I -"

He had started approaching Karma as he blustered. However, his words were cut off easily when Karma snapped his hand out and gripped Terasaka's face tightly. The red-head's bloodlust flared as he held a finger to his lips. "A little advice. You got this backwards," he said as Terasaka trembled. "You've gotta bash my head in _before_ you can run your mouth."

Terasaka growled, then slapped Karma's hand away. "Let go of me! You're all a bunch of freaks!" he snapped as he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

I took a few deep breaths, calling up a few strains of music from my memory to calm myself. "Wow, what crawled up his butt?" Maehara muttered.

"I don't know, maybe he just does it for the attention," Isogai replied. Well, whatever got stuck up there, seems like it died.

I caught Korosensei and Nagisa staring after Terasaka thoughtfully. However, my attention for the gnat had run out the second he was no longer relevant, so I just turned and bent my attention back towards the homework in front of me. If I have nothing else to do, might as well be productive with my time. Besides, it'll keep my mind off of the irritation I'm feeling somewhere - at least this way, it feels a little removed.

The next day, I was rather glad I hadn't followed my previous inclination, which was what I'd done through my first round of middle and high school and leave my homework until the morning it was due. That was mainly because the ambient noise was making it impossible to concentrate, let alone do my homework.

It even continued to lunchtime; this made it rather difficult to eat. Not impossible, though. I'm fairly certain there doesn't exist anything in the universe that could stop me from eating when I wanted. Eating was one of the few things that brought me happiness, after all, and if I couldn't eat food there would be words.

Regardless of that, it was still a pain, listening to the octopus sniffle constantly as I plowed through my lunch. After the main bit was finished, I glanced up at the front of the room while munching idly at my bag of little carrots. Korosensei was standing at his lectern like always, with streams of a yellow liquid streaming down his face. It was rather disgusting.

"Okay, could you please stop?" Professor Bitch snapped from where she was eating with Yada and Kurahashi. "This crying business is ridiculous."

"Excuse me!" Korosensei sobbed. "For your information, these are my nostrils. I'm not crying, my nose is running!" I took a closer look, and sure enough he had two set of two little holes next to each other, and the yellow goop was pouring from only one of each pair. Huh.

"How am I supposed to know that?!" Professor Bitch exclaimed.

"For some reason, my sinuses have been running amok since yesterday!"

I sighed, munching on a carrot. "We haven't noticed," I grumbled.

The door slid open, and my bag of carrots crinkled when my fist clenched on it. Terasaka had finally shown up, after skipping the entire morning classes. "Terasaka!" Korosensei burbled. "Thank heavens!" He blurred away and appeared in front of the thug, tentacles on his shoulder and babbling a mile a minute. "I had this awful feeling you abandoned our class for good!" The octopus was freaking out, and his yellow snot was flying everywhere. I... I shouldn't laugh, but it feels good to watch Terasaka get covered in Korosensei's goop.

As he glowered at the octopus, I frowned suddenly. What, exactly, had triggered Korosensei's little allergy attack? I doubt I would have thought about it, but seeing Terasaka... The environment hadn't changed for some time, so if it was some sudden onset of allergies I would have expected him to be showing some symptoms prior to this morning. While technically he claimed he had some issues yesterday, I don't believe it. The only difference was that bug bomb Terasaka let off in the classroom yesterday. But that was supposed to be pesticide - unless it wasn't.

Hmm. My eyes narrowed.

Terasaka still didn't say anything, he just wiped off the snot with Korosensei's necktie. "So octopus," he finally growled. "I think it's time we stopped messing around and killed you for real. Come by the pool after class." He leered at our teacher smugly. "We all know your big weakness is water," he smirked. "Don't we now?"

"Hey, s'alright!" he called out to the rest of us. "You guys can come too! You can watch while I shove him in! You can even help me out!" Curiouser and curiouser... Now, where exactly is the white rabbit in all of this?

"Where's all this coming from?" Maehara asked, standing up. "You make fun of our attempts, and then you expect us to be on board with yours? Dude, you pride yourself on having the worst attitude in this class. Give me one good reason why any of us should help you."

Terasaka scoffed. "Tch. Whatever. Suit yourself, man. I didn't wanna share the prize money with you dead-asses anyway." Dead-ass? Is that supposed to be an insult? With his oh-so-devastating wit on full display, Terasaka turned around and walked out.

"The hell is his deal all of the sudden?" Yoshida mumbled.

"The guy's mood swings are too much for me," Muramatsu agreed. For once, his dopey grin wasn't on display.

Kurahashi nodded. "Exactly! Count me out."

Okano nodded in agreement. "Yeah, me too."

"Let's all go!" Korosensei burbled. "It'll be fun!" The streams of mucus flowing from him turned into a flood, and I hastily hopped up onto my chair to play the new hit game 'The Floor is Korosensei's Mucus'. Somehow, it's worse than if the floor were actually lava.

"His snot is hardening and locking us to the floor!" Kimura yelped. Man, I'm sure glad I avoided the first round of losses.

"Terasaka is finally showing some initiative, and we have to be supportive!" he told us. "I realize he's been rather difficult in the past," he said to the horrified screams of my classmates as his mucus started overflowing from literally everywhere on his body, "but this is everyone's chance to kill him and make up!"

Yeah, I think I'm done here. Open the window, hop over to the sill, and there we go! I'm free. "Why are you so gross?!" I heard Kimura shout at him as I slunk around back.

As I circled the building, I saw Terasaka stomping away behind the shed, and Nagisa a few steps behind him. When did the kid even slip out, anyway? He was there when Terasaka made his announcement, and then he just... wasn't there anymore. "Terasaka, wait up!" Nagisa called. The guy turned around, and Nagisa stopped a few steps away from him. "Are you for real about this, or what?"

"You tell me, man," he grumbled at Nagisa. "Does it look like I'm joking?" Silently, I moved up to stand near Nagisa; enough distance so that I wasn't an active part of their conversation, but close enough that I could hear it. Neither of them looked over at me.

Nagisa didn't flinch. "I'm just saying, if you've got a plan, let the rest of us in on it and we might be able to -"

He got cut off in a gasp as Terasaka grabbed him by the front of his vest. "Shut up!" Terasaka roared. "Damn, you people make me sick, you know that?! Always huddling together, terrified to make a move on your own! I ain't like the rest of you!" he shouted, throwing Nagisa back. "I've got vision! A wolf's got eyes for prey, a cow's got eyes for hay!" Muttering angrily under his breath, he stormed off, hands shoved into his pockets.

Hah... Just great. Lovely. Terasaka's words... They were delivered in the tone of someone who's just repeating what they've heard before. I know that tone well; after all, it's how I speak, half the time. I just get the feeling that Terasaka has confidence in the plan, rather than himself. But what does that _mean_? "You okay, Nagisa?" I asked the kid as he stared at Terasaka's retreating back.

Nagisa jumped. "Wah! Oh, Nick, sorry, didn't see you there," he said, blinking at me. Huh? How'd he not notice me? By this point, everyone should be able to sense bloodlust, and mine leaks out all over the place constantly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Terasaka has me a little worried, though."

I shrugged. "Well, nothing we can do about it now. C'mon, Korosensei's made it a class assignment, so you should hurry up and get changed. We all have to go down to the pool." I sighed. "Yeah, it sucks, I know, but Korosensei's all about this team-building stuff, so whatever."

"Thanks," Nagisa told me, and headed back into the building. I nodded at his thanks as he left, then turned and studied the forest contemplatively. It'd probably be best if I got my swim trunks on, just in case. No sense in being unprepared, even if this is going to fail and fail hilariously.

I decided to take my time getting changed, so the others were all in the water, knives out, by the time I got to the pool. Since I wasn't a hundred percent sold on this whole idea of, well, cooperation and going along with a plan I had no idea of, I decided to just sit back and watch for the time being. I can shift to attack mode in an instant if need be, so it's not like my indolence right now will be a detriment in the long run. "Yeah, there we go!" Takaoka called out, waving a gun around. "Everybody stay spread out like that! Nice and far apart!"

"Yeah, we get it, thanks," Kataoka said flatly. Can't really blame her, can I?

Takebayashi reached up and adjusted his glasses; he was standing next to Terasaka. "I'm not so sure about this plan of yours," he said. "It's highly unlikely we'll get Korosensei in the water against his will."

"How likely is it that I get _you_ in the water against your will?" Terasaka growled, stomping over and kicking Takebayashi in the butt. Takebayashi shouted in surprise and fell into the water with a splash, flailing for a few seconds before he got his feet under him.

"Look at him," Kimura groaned. "We cooperate, and the jerk goes power-mad."

"Yeah," Mimura agreed. "Sorta reminds me of the way he used to push people around back in second year." So, Terasaka was always a bully? That doesn't surprise me, really. With his large frame, he's likely to be physically stronger than most other kids, so that lets him throw his weight around. Of course, now that we've been training and he hasn't, skill will easily overcome brute strength. Could that be why he's acting up?

Korosensei approached Terasaka from behind, taking a look around. "Ah-hah," he said, "so I assume the idea is to push me in the water, and have everyone converge on me with their knives." Hm. He's stopped with the mucus. "Have you worked out how to actually push me in? It's only good sportsmanship to tell you that fancy pistol of yours won't do the trick."

Terasaka lifted up the pistol, staring at it. Why does he doubt it? It's his plan. Shaking his head, he pointed the business end of the gun at Korosensei. "Better say your prayers, monster, this is it."

"I'm ready when you are," Korosensei nodded. "My sinuses have even been cleared!"

Terasaka gritted his teeth. "For the record, I've always hated you with a passion," he said. "I couldn't wait for you to up and disappear."

"Oh, I'm well aware," Korosensei said smugly, his face fading in the green stripes. "Methinks we should have a little sit-down after this, talk out our differences." It's like hearing concentrated smug oozing from his voice. At least I have a visual cue for when he's being obnoxious, and I don't have to guess.

Terasaka trembled, and I could see the exact moment when his temper snapped. It was, coincidentally, the exact second he pulled the trigger of his pistol.

The floodgate exploded.

"What?!" I growled. My head whipped to the side as the students in the water screamed in shock and fear. The water, released all at once, started flooding down the channel for it; and the sudden rushing water swept the students along for the ride.

"What?" Terasaka gasped.

"Gah! Children!" Korosensei shouted, taking off and launching himself towards my panicking classmates. I could see Nagisa shouting, and a few of the better, more athletic students trying to swim against the current. However, none of them could make any headway.

"Wh...what the hell, man?" Terasaka gasped, staring at the gun in his hand. A transmitter? He didn't expect this.

Whatever. I can figure it out later. My head whipped back and forth, my eyes unfocused as I called up the memory of the map of the area; after a second, I bolted. I couldn't get in the water, that was for certain. If I did, the only thing I would be accomplishing would be putting one more student in danger. There was no way for me to help right now - I had to hope that Korosensei would save them.

I rounded the lake, hopping over the mouth of the stream. Terasaka was still shaking, staring at the gun. As I rounded on the other side, approaching Terasaka, I could see Korosensei yanking kids out of the water two and three at a time, placing them up on the rocks. He was on a strict time limit - there was a waterfall up ahead, and going over that thing would probably end up with a broken limb, possibly a broken neck. Bad news, in other words. Korosensei's tentacles were turning red and swollen, and I remembered what happened when he got wet. "They never told me... They never told me about this!"

Fucker... I lashed out and caught his jaw with my fist. He staggered a few steps from the force of my blow. " _Who_ never told you?" I spat. "Who planned this?" My nostrils flared, and I glared at him. Bastard. Putting _my_ pieces in danger? Whoever did this was going to pay for using them without my permission.

"I-It was that creepy guy in white, and that Itona kid!" Terasaka said, still staring blankly at the rushing water. Well, at least _I_ feel better now that I punched him.

Shiro and Itona again. I see. It seems the man in white has learned from his last attempt. Hells, this is why it's terrible to let your opponents get away without fearing your wrath - they learn from their mistakes and come at you again and again, from new directions each time. This time, they'd used the kids as bait. Korosensei has to take his time rescuing us at speeds our body can handle, since we can't take Mach 20 accelerations. As he does that, his tentacles will absorb more and more of the water. Normally, his mucus should protect against that, gelatinizing the water like it did back in the inn... "Ah," I sighed softly. That was the purpose of the bug bomb chemical that Terasaka set off yesterday. It forced him to exhaust all of his mucus, leaving him vulnerable to this attack.

So as he rescues all of us, he gets slower and slower. That's when Itona will strike, I guess.

Rustling from behind me caught my attention and I whirled, only to relax when Karma emerged from the bushes. "Oh, this can't be good," he gasped, taking in the sights. The turbulent flood had swept away, leaving only the drained pool behind.

"I-I didn't do it!" Terasaka babbled. I'm not sure if he's saying it to me or Karma or himself, but it's getting on my nerves. "This wasn't part of the deal! Itona was just supposed to help me push him in, that was all!"

Karma smirked cruelly, his bloodlust starting to leak. "You never had a plan, did you?" he taunted. "Just let yourself be strung along by someone else, a pawn in a game you don't know the rules to."

Terasaka whirled on him, grabbing his shirt. "Listen to me, damn it, it's not my fault!" he shouted. "C'mon, y'know I'd never sign up for something like this," he said in a wheedling, pleading tone. "I-I was played for an idiot. I'm not the one who swept them all away!"

Karma just punched Terasaka in the face, sending the idiot sprawling on the ground. How impressive - with just one punch, too. "Hey idiot," he snapped. "The only person who got swept away here is you. You've got two choices," he continued. "Keep making excuses to keep covering your ass, or find a way to fix this." He glanced at me, and I nodded. Silently, we turned and raced downstream, to see how we could turn this around.

Gathering our shaken classmates as we went, we clustered at the edge of the cliff. Korosensei was lying in the water below, soaking wet, while Itona and Shiro stood over him. Yoshida was clinging to the cliff side carefully, shaking as his near-death experience rattled him. Korosensei must have caught him just as he was going over the waterfall. "Lovely to see you again, Korosensei," Shiro called out. Korosensei rose out of the water, gasping, and I gritted my teeth. His tentacles were red and bloated. "Regular water is bad enough, isn't it?" Shiro asked conversationally. "Worse still is water treated with a chemical agent designed to slow you down. Your own student saw to it that things went... swimmingly."

Okay. Now, he has to die. One, for being a smug shitlord, and two, for that pun. It was groan-worthy.

"Itona..." Korosensei exclaimed.

The boy in question walked forward, his own tentacles erupting from his hair. "How's it going, brother?" he asked. "I believe you and me are slated for a friendly little rematch."

Terasaka... You fucking idiot. If you're going to be manipulated by people, and let's face it, you're not smart enough to not be manipulated, at least let me use you to my purpose. Class E had a purpose, a goal - one big enough that I can use every pawn I can lay my hands on.

As Itona attacked Korosensei, I frowned. He was fast. And strong. More so than last time, unless my memory had decreased his reaction speed. No, that wouldn't happen. I was prone to overestimating based on my memories, not underestimating. So how...

"We reduced the number of tentacles," Shiro told Korosensei and inadvertently answering my own suspicions, "focusing the speed and power into those remaining. Now, even a simple child can master them."

"This is unreal!" Itona gasped. Below, Korosensei was barely managing to deflect Itona's attacks, yelping and shouting as he did so.

"That's maybe a foot of water," Kataoka said. "Can it really throw him off that much?"

I glanced to my side as Terasaka stepped forward to join us at the cliff face. "The water's not his only problem," he said.

Isogai frowned. "You've got some nerve," he snapped.

"Look, he's just saved you from drowning," Terasaka continued, heedless of Isogai's anger. "He can't go all out 'cause he's spent. And, his attention's still divided."

I looked over and frowned. Yoshida and Muramatsu were clinging to the cliff face with all of their might, and what was worse, Hara was clinging to a tree branch above them. It looked like it could snap at any second, and her weight wasn't helping matters. "No!" Maehara shouted. "That branch can't support Hara's weight! She's gonna fall!"

"He can't focus on the fight because he's too worried about them!" Kurahashi exclaimed.

"'Specially her," Terasaka grunted. "That fatty will be toast soon."

Nagisa clenched his fist. "We have to help!"

"How?!" Yada exclaimed.

Isogai shifted. "Wait. Hold on a sec," he said, turning to Terasaka. "This wasn't even your plan, was it? You got roped into this."

"Hmph," Terasaka snorted. "Like a head of cattle." He sounds almost proud of it, for some strange reason. "But hey, that's what happens when you got sight and no vision. Some smartass wolf comes along and before you know it, you're on the menu."

I sighed. "Again with the wolf and the cow, huh?" I muttered. He must have met with Itona and Shiro multiple times. That sounds like something they'd say, if only to convince Terasaka that he was one of the wolves.

"Thing is, though," Terasaka continued, tugging at his shirt, "if I'm gonna be played, I pick the tune. I've had it up to here with these jerks, and the idea of them getting the prize money... Don't get me started!" He turned to Karma. "You're a smart dude, Karma," he said. "You be the puppet master, and I'll be the puppet." Karma raised an eyebrow curiously. "Come up with something awesome! If you're the brains, then I'm the brawn, you got it? Give me a plan, and I'll save all of 'em, Fatty and the monster included!"

Karma smirked. "I dunno, sure you wanna be my lackey? I'm pretty devious..." He reached out and ripped open Terasaka's shirt. L-lewd... "You might get killed."

Terasaka grinned. "Oh, big deal," he shrugged. "Devious I can handle. Just make sure you've got a vision."

I peered over the edge of the cliff. "We're running out of time," I mentioned idly. "Korosensei's absorbed enough water that all of his tentacles are bloated now."

"I see," Karma said, joining me. "Well, Mr. Genius, you gave us a miracle at the baseball game. Up for a second?" A harsh whipcrack of Itona's tentacles came from below, but his expression didn't change. "Preferably soon."

I sighed harshly, studying the field below. "Rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles..." Water at his feet, laced with chemicals to decrease the power and speed of his tentacles... Hara, clinging to the branch above... Itona's own tentacles, drastically stronger than before... I gnawed at my thumb, raking my teeth over my thumbnail.

My eyes unfocused as the numbers expanded, revealing everything I could know about this situation. The patterns swam and mixed, playing out in short snippets as I turned my attention to each in turn, fingers twitching. No... No... No... I growled in the back of my throat. None of these will work. There are too many goals to complete at the same time - save Korosensei, save Hara, stop Itona.

So eliminate one or more of the goals, obviously. And of them all, only Itona could be considered optional if I wanted a satisfactory plan. I narrowed my eyes, playing out the next idea, and snorted. If everything went according to plan... "Got it," I muttered, straightening up. "I smelled it earlier, did you notice?" I asked Karma quietly.

He nodded. "I did."

Good, so he knows what my goal is. "Alright, so here's the plan," I said, raising my voice to address the others.

"Wait, what?" Terasaka blustered. "I thought Karma -"

"He's outsourcing," I said shortly. "To me. Now, do the job I give you and we'll make it through this without any problems."

Before too much longer, the plan was in motion. Korosensei's tentacles were bloated to his elbow analogue, and he was in a bad way. "Now, Itona," Shiro commanded. "Strike the killing blow."

Terasaka splashed down into the water. "What's up!" he shouted.

"Can I help you?" Shiro asked, strangely calm for someone in his position.

"So," Terasaka said, "bet you jerks think you played me pretty good."

Shiro turned to him. "Does that wound your ego?" he asked. "There's something to be said for being the perfect foil, my friend. Or are you suddenly upset we endangered the classmates you cared nothing for?" Brutal.

"Laugh it up, man!" Terasaka shouted, taking his shirt off. "Payback's about to be a real bitch!" He ran into the center of the stream, brandishing the shirt at Itona like a red flag at a bull. "Itona! You and me, one on one, right now!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Terasaka! He'll throttle you!" Korosensei shouted. Oh, calm down, he's going to be fine. He's following my plan, after all.

"I wasn't talking to you, Tentacles!" Terasaka shouted back.

Shiro laughed condescendingly. "He's tapped into his inner hero." All at once, his mirth disappeared and his red eyes gleamed menacingly. "Shut him down, Itona. For good."

Nagisa ran up to me and Karma, where we were standing, watching this go down. "What have you done?" he demanded.

"No worries," Karma answered for me. "They're not gonna kill a student, we're too valuable alive." Truth be told, I didn't even factor that in to my plans. Terasaka did say he was fine if he died, after all. "As long as we're in danger, Korosensei can't concentrate on the fight. Even Hara isn't that bad off. If she falls, either he or Itona is bound to catch her." I didn't truly believe that line of thought, but he had a point. If a student was killed, Korosensei would have no reason to hold back anymore.

I grinned mirthlessly. "He may look like Goliath standing against Cthulhu-brand David," I said, "but Terasaka has a good idea of what to expect."

Itona's tentacles whipped wildly before slamming into Terasaka's stomach, sending him flying back. "Tentacle Boy will try to knock him unconscious," Karma said, "but if he grabs on and rides it out, we're good." Terasaka clung grimly to his shirt, wrapping it around Itona's tentacle, and panted with a smirk on his face.

Check.

"That's an impressive grip you've got there," Shiro noted. "Let's see if it holds up under another lashing."

Itona drew the tentacle back and Terasaka was forced to let go, letting Itona take the shirt with him. As he collapsed to one knee, I raised an eyebrow. Any second now would be preferable, please...

Itona's eyes widened, and he sneezed. I grinned wider.

"Guh?" Shiro grunted, surprised by his young charge's sudden allergy attack.

"That's yesterday's shirt," Karma said as Itona sneezed again and again. "The one he had on when he bug-bombed the class. Unless he did laundry last night, there's still some residue on it from whatever chemical was in that can."

"I could smell the chemical," I said. "Very pungent. Very distinctive. And since Itona has tentacles, just like Korosensei, they come with all of his strengths and weaknesses too."

"So if it affects Korosensei," Karma grinned, "it'll affect Itona too." Itona's tentacle was dripping with mucus, just like Korosensei had been. A sudden burst of water and wind caught his attention, and he whipped around. "And there you go," Karma continued calmly. "Now that Tentacle Boy is distracted, the octopus has a chance to rescue Hara."

Korosensei was holding her in his tentacles, and the tree branch splashed down into the water a second later. "And now we even the playing field," I sighed.

"You gotta love a good plan," Karma grinned as he motioned. Our classmates knew exactly what to do without even being told, and they rushed for the edge of the cliff.

"Yoshida! Muramatsu!" Terasaka shouted up at the boys clinging to the cliff. "Give us a nice big splash, okay?" he called, holding his stomach with one hand and splashing the water with the other.

The boys grinned at each other. "He's out of his mind," Yoshida chuckled.

"I like it," Muramatsu grinned.

"Like Nick said, logically, the two of them have the same weaknesses," Karma said. "Easy. Turn the kid's own tactics against 'em and voila!" He reached out and turned his thumb down; our gladiators jumped as one.

They all landed in the water, making as big a splash as they could; as they circled Itona, they started stomping at the water and tossing it at him. He whirled, gasping, but the cheerful E Class students had him surrounded and there was nowhere for him to go. The fewer tentacles meant that his mucus ran out much faster, and so when the water splashed onto his tentacles they reacted the same way as Korosensei.

That is to say, they got bloated and unwieldy really quick.

"Well, that escalated quickly," Karma observed. We'd taken the other way down, and he was crouched on the rock. I was just sitting casually next to him. "Looks like you've got a problem with water retention there, pal."

"They make pills for that, I think," I said easily. "But don't worry, I'm sure it's not too serious. Isn't that right, Shiro?"

I grinned as the man in white glared at us, all of his plans shot to hell and back.

"Alright," Karma said, "here's the deal. We're not okay with you hogging all the prize money." His eyes narrowed. "Or with the fact that your plan revolved around putting our lives on the line. Slapping one of our own around doesn't sit well either. So if you wanna keep at this..."

Class E brandished water. Cupped hands, a bucket, a plastic bag, a tree branch - they used whatever they could find. "If you want to get to Korosensei," I said flatly, "you're going to have to face all of us."

Itona whirled around. He was beaten and he knew it. "Well played, children," Shiro admitted, with none of the irritation I'd hoped for. "We withdraw."

Checkmate.

"The slaughter of innocents was never our intention," he continued. "Who can predict how his antimatter organs would react." I probably didn't hear that right, because what I heard was incredibly stupid. "Come along, Itona."

Itona glared at us, shaking in anger. "Ah, wasn't that a fun way to while away the afternoon, class?" Korosensei burbled suddenly, his head swollen. I reached for my pistol automatically, but subsided when I remembered that I hadn't brought it with me. Oversight. Never going anywhere without it again, even if it means I have to shove it somewhere I don't want things getting shoved. "And there's always room for one more!"

"Itona," Shiro said sternly.

Itona was silent, but after a second he withdrew his tentacles and jumped out of the water, landing next to Shiro.

As they walked away, Sugino sighed in relief. "I thought we'd never get rid of those two," he grinned.

"We saved your bacon, didn't we?" Okano said to Korosensei. "It's a good thing we're quick on our feet, or you'd be a goner!"

"Eh?!" Korosensei gasped, then laughed. "That's adorable. I still had a few tricks up my sleeve, just so you know."

A heartwarming scene. "Hey Terasaka," Hara said suddenly, and the thug jerked. "In case you're wondering, I heard your cracks about my weight. We 'fatties' prefer the term 'full-figured'." ...Also a heartwarming scene.

"Eh, didn't mean to be a dick!" Terasaka got out, raising his hands in self-defense. "Just sizin' up the situation objectively!" Word choice. You made a bad one.

"Sizing up?!" Hara snapped, pointing at him. "I may be on the hefty side, but I can still kick your ass!"

Terasaka backed away from her righteous fury, but soon he bumped into the rock Karma and I were resting on. "How awkward," Karma grinned mockingly. "A little tact goes a long way, man, you should try it next time. Kinda hard to run from the wolves with your foot in your mouth, just saying." By this point, Hara was growling at Terasaka from anger.

"Why don't you get down off your perch and say that to my face, you little turd monkey?" Terasaka shouted, reaching up and grabbing Karma. He turned and heaved, and Karma went flying into the water with a splash. "How about that?!"

"Hey!" Karma snapped, soaking wet. "I'm supposed to be your puppet master, remember?"

"Don't even go there!" Terasaka shouted, pointing at him. "That was a temporary arrangement, and you're not the one who took a tentacle to the gut! That's right!" he shouted. "I was down here, taking all the hits, 'cause you don't have the balls to do your own dirty work!"

"True," Kataoka sighed. "You sorta kept your distance the whole time."

"Oh~," Nakamura mocked. "Don't like getting your hands dirty, huh?" she laughed. "We can fix that."

Maehara blindsided Karma from behind, grabbing one arm, and Nakamura pounced for the other. Together, they managed to drag Karma back down into the water despite his struggles. I laughed cheerfully at the sight of the proud boy getting soaked.

That laughing stopped pretty suddenly when I felt someone hop up on the rock beside me. "Hey, Nick," Okano said, far too cheerfully to be innocent.

"Okano," I nodded toward her. A quick glance to my left and right showed that she and Isogai were on either side of me. I sighed. "This is gonna end with me being soaked, isn't it?" I asked them, resigned to my fate.

"Yep!" Isogai said with a smile. They both grabbed one of my arms, but I raised a finger. After Isogai let go, I took off my glasses and handed them to him for safe-keeping. "In you go!"

I hit the water with a splash, but I knew how to swim, so no harm done. They even gave me time to get a breath, so that I wouldn't accidentally start drowning because I was startled. I picked myself up and shook my head, sending water flying from my hair, and made my way over to Korosensei and Nagisa. "Pfft," I spat out some water. "'lo, sir. Hey, Nagisa."

"Hey, Nick."

Korosensei nodded my way. "I think we can all agree that Terasaka isn't exactly cut out to be a mastermind," he said as he reached up and squeezed the water out of his head. "But when tasked with putting someone else's plan into action, he's invaluable. On the field, his competence shines through and things get done. It's as simple as that." I glanced over to where Terasaka had Karma by the shoulder and was splashing my fellow puppet master, both of the guys grinning and laughing. "No self-respecting assassination squad should be without him."

I blinked. That matched my views on the guy pretty well. Not the brightest, or easiest to get along with at times, but a good field operative. We'll see if this humbling makes him any more palatable, or if he's going to stay the same old Terasaka that I've been dealing with this whole time, but he could be very useful in the future.

I shrugged. Whatever. Not a big deal. If he doesn't change, no change to my plans - and if he does change, well, it's always nice to have tanks up front. Besides, right now? He's hot-headed, sure, but he belongs in E Class, just like the rest of us.

Shaking my head, I waded over to the rock where everyone else was clustered. I glanced down at my soaked shirt and frowned; I hate wearing wet clothes, which is why despite enjoying the rain I don't actually like going out in it. Still, the rock was big enough to avoid most of the splashing, so I could let it dry there while we were all goofing off. I hopped up on it and shrugged off my shirt, fumbling with the buttons. I hate dealing with wet clothes... After my shirt was off and spread out, with my glasses sitting next to them safely – Isogai must have left them there for me - I cracked my back and swung around to join in the water. I'm already soaked, might as well enjoy it.

I blinked as the roughhousing and merriment died away. Everyone in E Class was staring at me, for some reason. "What?" I asked defensively. Did I do something wrong? Did I make them mad? Was I not supposed to join in? "What are you all... staring..." Lightbulb.

I looked down at my chest, where the large white scar was on prominent display on my chest. "Oh. Um." I looked up at everyone; they all had the same expression of confused horror on their face. Then I looked back down at the scar. Maybe it disappeared in the last second.

Nope.

Shit.

"There's, uh... There's an explanation for this?" I said, but the questioning lilt of my voice probably didn't put them at ease.

A round of glances was exchanged between the members of E Class, and I tried to follow it. However, this one was unreadable to me. "Nick," Yada said gently. "Are you... okay?"

"...Yyyyyyyes?"

"You can tell us anything," she said in that same gentle voice, still staring at me. "No matter what, we'll help you. We're E Class, and we stick together."

I blinked and looked back and forth. I'm so confused. "I..."

Isogai stepped forward. "Look, man, I know you like to keep your life private, and we respect that. But, I mean, you don't ever talk about your family, or your home life, or anything! And then when you stood up to Coach Takaoka, you said you hated your father. And now seeing that..." He sighed. "Nagisa told me you said you lived by yourself. Is that because... because you had to run away? Was someone hurting you?"

I stopped and stared. Wait... They thought I had been abused? "What?!" I blurted out. "No! I'm... I'm not... No!" I shook my head and took a deep breath. "No, no, it's nothing like what you're thinking. I..." I licked my lips. "Okay, look. It's a long story, and I really don't have time to tell you all right now. Let's just... Let's just say that I got this," I gestured at my chest, "because I was an idiot, and it was my own stupidity at fault. I live alone because of reasons that I, um, don't really feel like talking about because it's a long overly complicated story." How do you talk about almost dying to people? How do you tell them that you _should_ , by all rights, be dead?

"It's nothing, it happened a while ago, and I'm fine. _Honestly_ ," I urged when some of the more worried students looked like they were going to protest. "You should see the other guy. Bastard got what was coming to him, and he can't hurt anyone from jail." Finally, that seemed to put their worries at ease, though Nagisa still looked a little upset.

"If you ever need anything," Yada told me with a smile, "just give me a call, okay? Even if it's just to talk. You're always welcome to come over and have dinner with my family, if you want," she offered.

"Yeah, same here," Maehara nodded. "My folks won't care. We always have leftovers anyway."

A few more of the students made the same offer, and I grinned weakly. "I'm fine," I said, pressing at the bridge of my nose where my glasses would be. "But... Thanks. For the offers," I said sheepishly. I don't... I don't know how to handle this. Help? Please?

Fortunately, after that they all got back to playing in the water. I sighed a little breath of relief and then jumped in myself. Well, cat's out of the bag now. Guess I have no reason to not play in the water, right?

* * *

 **Oh boy! Terasaka, you doofus. You don't just trust a guy like Shiro, not without ensuring that he won't stab you in the back. Nick's not much better, granted, but at least he'll have the common courtesy of stabbing you in your face should you cross him.**

 **Anyway, from the top; I adapted a few bits from the manga that the anime left out, namely the opening scene. It explains why they're heading down to the pool, at least. I did, however, leave out the part where Terasaka trashes the pool and smirks about it, mainly because it doesn't really do much to advance the plot or characters beyond 'Terasaka is a jerk and doesn't want other people having fun', which was clear enough when he kicked over the wood motorcycle.**

 **Things we missed because Nick's not there: Terasaka also got mad at Muramatsu, because the latter went to the 'Right-Before-The-Exam After School Slithery Study Session' that Korosensei hosted and got his grades up. Basically, Terasaka was a big bully, up to middle school, but his weapon was weak and couldn't intimidate the Kunugigaoka kids into letting him be top dog. After he got kicked down to E Class, he was fine for a while, since everyone was as shiftless and aimless as he was, but then Korosensei happened and he was left behind again. Well, he's got a purpose now – to follow Nick and Karma's orders.**

 **Honestly, Nick was supposed to just laugh off the accusation that he's being abused. Seriously, in my notes: "They think I've been abused, but I just laugh it off." See? I told you! But, when I was writing the chapter, he just decided to be a little bit more skittish about it than I was anticipating. He just tried to get off the subject as quickly as possible and move on, though he didn't exactly expect the sudden support from the kids. (Remember, he's really the only one that doesn't think of E Class as a whole unit, now that Terasaka has gotten his character development beaten into him. He's getting there, though.) I realized that a lot of Nick's situation and mannerisms learned from SAO – twitching when someone speaks to him, dodging questions about his past/family, isolated and withdrawn, lives alone and never has anyone over, denying culpability even when it's clear it's not his fault – could be misinterpreted.**

 **Also, notice the large number of unthinking habitual actions that Nick has – biting his thumb, licking his lips, adjusting his glasses. These are on purpose, even if they're not going to be plot relevant. I always like small human things like that, since they make the characters feel more alive. And with a cast this big, alive characters are hard enough.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Swimming Time**

 **The morning after we learn about Korosensei's Weakness Number Twenty-Three**

I leaned back in my chair, eyeing Kayano, Nagisa, and Ritsu suspiciously. "Let me just make sure I have this straight," I said slowly. "So, after class ended yesterday, a few of you went back up to the pool and tried to hatch a plan involving dragging Korosensei into the water and then having the, uh, 'aquassassination' team kill him while he couldn't move." I'm not skeptical, I'm just irritated I didn't think of aquassassination first. It's a good one. "Kataoka was one of them, and in fact the lead assassin when it came to the water, mainly because she used to be the second fastest on the Kunugigaoka swim team when it came to the freestyle."

Kayano nodded excitedly. "She was so cool! She even had an Anti-Korosensei knife hidden in her barrette!"

"Hm. So then, later, while she was swimming laps and Ritsu was timing her, she got a message." I looked at Ritsu. "You read the message for her, and actually pronounced one of those gods-awful smilies you people like sending."

"d(^_^o)," Ritsu replied, seeming far too cheerful despite the black look I sent her way. I don't recognize the little cosplay she's putting on right now, but it's definitely a fairy? Sitting on a book?

I shook my head. "…Moving right along and _never speaking of that again_ , Korosensei – who Nagisa had previously been distracting by blackmailing him with something, probably threatening to send out those sexual harassment letters he writes to busty actresses –"

"You know about those?" Nagisa blinked.

"I _was_ planning on saving them for a rainy day," I sighed, "since you know how he gets when he's flustered."

"Sorry."

"No worries. Anyway, where was I? Um… Right, Korosensei convinced the two of you to watch her at her meeting with the 'friend'. Who, in reality, was basically forcing Kataoka to act as her private tutor because the idiot was stupid enough to go out after just one swimming lesson."

Kayano shuddered. "That girl was so creepy, licking Megu's hand and calling her weird nicknames."

"Noted," I agreed. "So, after Korosensei scolded her for being used to the dumb one clinging to her, and horrifying her with a hand-drawn manga of all things –" My hand clenched under the desk. From the sound of things, it was a fairly accurate depiction of what Kana and I could turn into, if we weren't careful. "- he convinced the two of you and Kataoka to give the bitch-"

"Nick, language!" Kayano snapped, glaring at me.

"-give the girl," I continued smoothly without missing a beat, "a midnight swimming lesson. In which the three of you were dressed up as fish people."

"I have pictures!" Ritsu cheered happily. Nagisa and Kayano looked surprisingly embarrassed about it.

I grinned. "Send them to me later, would you? Blackmail is always appreciated. Anyway, you basically taught her to swim in the ocean by liberal applications of dream logic and Korosensei being Korosensei, and then Kataoka smugged at her when she turned into a good swimmer basically overnight and revealed that she wasn't going to roll over anymore. After that, Korosensei scolded Kataoka gently and told her to rely on others as well, since he'd be able to survive an attack in the water if she was the only assassin."

Kayano and Nagisa glanced at each other, then nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much it," Nagisa told me.

Cool. I squirmed in my seat and looked around. "Hey, Kataoka!" I called out.

The girl in question walked over. "Hey, Nick. Did you need something?"

"Is it true that you actually get love letters from girls? As in, are currently receiving, despite being in E Class?"

My wide smirk might have clued her in that I was fully aware of the answer. "Really?" she sighed, looking at Nagisa and Kayano. "You told him about that?"

I just cackled mischievously.

 **The adaptation of Drowning Time and Swimming Time, the little gap between days. It was filler, but I like it because it gives Kataoka's reason for dropping into E Class. Basically, the brat was blackmailing her and Kataoka is too nice a person to tell her to piss off, so she tutored the girl to her own grades' detriment. Eventually, they were bad enough that she got banished to E Class. (I wanted to work Princess Charming in there somewhere, but it didn't work out.) (Also, no, I don't know how Ritsu pronounces emoticons. Or Kataoka, for that matter. It's a girl thing, maybe?)**


	16. End-of-Term Time

**Chapter 16: End-of-Term Time**

* * *

"SURPRISE!"

 _Hey! It's Kunudon!_

"Hiya, kids!" Kunudon shouted, appearing in front of a cartoon drawing of a school. The Kunugigaoka symbol was on the very front of the building. "Are you ready for this?

 _Sir yes sir!_

"Look sharp, it's finals!" Kunudon shouted, waving. "The most important test of the year. I hope you've studied! Here at Kunugigaoka Academy," Kunudon lectured, clasping its hands behind it and strolling across the drawing, "grades are everything! And we all know what happens to boys and girls that fail!"

 _They become gutter trash!_

The sleek building becomes a ramshackle wooden hut - the E Class building, on the hill. "Speaking of," Kunudon said with a smile, "how do we think E Class will do on the finals?"

 _They'll bomb! Hooray!_

* * *

"Nue-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed. I narrowed my eyes against the wind of his passing, since he was busy teaching each student individually just like during the midterms. "The basics you've got down pat," his main body said even as one of his clones pointed out a little tidbit in the reading that explained the motivations of a certain political move I had trouble understanding. "If your performance first semester is anything to go on, I can reasonably expect your scores to skyrocket!"

I gnawed at my pencil and leaned back against the tree I'd chosen to do my studying under, since Korosensei had been kind enough to let us do this outside. "So what's the deal?" Nagisa asked, from his position on the other side of the tree trunk. "Is it like last time, either we place in the top 50 or you pack it up and go?"

"Nope!" Korosensei replied. "With midterms, I've come to realize my rank was too short-sighted." My Social Studies Korosensei - collect them all, win a fabulous prize! - waited patiently as I worked at the next problem myself, doodling an octopus with arms making two circles in the corner of my notebook when I handed it to him. Sweet, full marks. "Phooey to that! Far better that each of you have individual goals tailored to personal academic growth. Therefore, I've devised the perfect target - an objective customized to your needs as assassins!"

I glanced over at Nagisa's English Korosensei - he had flash cards for Nagisa, and the words visible were «fit» and «target». Subtle. Even more subtle were the flashcards that had taken the place of his teeth, which read «Lucky chance».

"Oh?" I drawled to myself, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly I'm intrigued. "A prize?"

Suddenly, all of the Korosensei doubles disappeared, and I blinked in surprise. "Not to worry, Terasaka, my boy," Korosensei said, and I glanced over at the guy, only to snicker when he was still surrounded by three Naruto Korosenseis. "Even you can do well if you _believe it_!"

Terasaka just gritted his teeth and groaned, glaring out at us impartially.

"Now then," the real Korosensei said, hefting a pistol. His face seemed mischievous - his smile was static as it always was, but his eyes held mischief in them. "If you recall, Shiro revealed to us that the loss of a tentacle results in diminished speed." He casually lifted his other arm tentacle and blasted the thing off. As it fell to the ground, flopping around, more Korosensei ghosts appeared. "One less appendage, and already the integrity of my doppelgangers is compromised."

A few of the Korosenseis near Yada and Sugaya let out a poof of smoke and shrunk. What? "Note that several of them have become childhood versions of yours truly!" Okay... I'm not sure how, but I guess the logic is sound... "Lose another," Korosensei said, "and presto!" He shot off one of his feet tentacles this time.

"Yay!" a few childhood Korosenseis laughed, running around near Mimura, Kanzaki, and Okano with baseball mitts and bats.

"Even more child clones thrown into the mix," the original Korosensei said, "along with fretful parent clones trying to make ends meet!"

Nagisa's face was amusing - I could read his thoughts straight off of it. _Now it's getting a little sad_.

"Lose another..." The Anti-Korosensei pistol discharged again. "...And the father clone has walked out, leaving the poor beleaguered mother to fend for her latchkey brood. However she can." I gaped as the picture he was showing changed to show the mother clone walking into what looked like the red-light district. Holy shit, Korosensei, you can't show that kind of stuff to kids!

I glanced around, but none of the others seemed to bat an eye. I guess they didn't recognize what Korosensei was implying.

"The main takeaway here, class," Korosensei said, finally halting, "is that -" I launched myself at him, knife scything through the air. Hey, he said he slows down, and he's in lecture mode. That doesn't - I missed, passing through his afterimage and hitting the ground in a roll. Grr... Bastard. He'd even taken the time to trim and file my nails while I was attacking. On both hands, even. _Hate._

"As I was saying," Korosensei said, reappearing where he'd been standing before my attack, "each tentacle kerplooied presents ten percent reduction in my agility."

I shook my head and knelt next to Nakamura, where I'd ended up. Whether it was ten percent off the original, or off the current speed, that was still a major reduction. "Which brings me to my proposition," Korosensei said. "Those of you who get the highest scores on your final, and or the best ranking in each individual subject, are vouchsafe the right to _obliterate exactly one tentacle apiece_!"

As the class gasped in shock, I hissed out a panting laugh. Hahaha! This is great! Too bad I can only get one tentacle to myself, or I'd wipe out his entire lower half myself! "This is how we do finals here, boys and girls!" Korosensei announced boisterously, spreading his tentacles. "This is the assassination classroom!" Target, locked on. "Ask yourself, are you prepared to inch ever closer to the grand prize?!"

I cracked my knuckles, still grinning as I returned to my chosen tree. I can't really remember the last time I was actually _excited_ to take a school final. This feels like it should break some law of the universe or something - but fucked if I cared. This was gonna be good.

During one of the breaks between classes, a few of the people I was more friendly with than the others gathered in the classroom - namely, Nagisa, Kayano, Sugino, and Okuda. I sat in my seat and watched curiously. "A tentacle for each personal best on our final," Nagisa said, folding his arms.

"I know!" Okuda said excitedly, grinning. "It's exciting, huh?"

"That's rare." I glanced over to the side; Karma beat me to the snark. "You're really fired up about this, aren't you?"

"Of course!" Okuda said. "I know science backwards and forwards. This is my shot. I finally get to contribute to the cause!"

Kayano lifted a fist. "What's cool is, everyone's good at _something_ on the test. And then we have Nick!" I tilted my head to the side as a few of them looked at me. "Korosensei'll lose so many arms he won't have a prayer!"

"I'm still only one person, and I have my weak subjects too," I reminded them. "I mean, we're still gonna get to kill up to five tentacles, and that'll roughly halve his speed, but it's not going to be over-the-top ridiculous like somehow getting seven of the wriggling things." More's the pity.

Sugino was going to say something, but paused as his phone started going off. The group around his desk looked at it, and he blinked before saying, "It's Shindo!" He picked up the phone and answered, grinning. "Hey, what's up? How's it going, man? Heh, still licking your wounds?"

After a quiet response that I couldn't quite make out, sitting all the way over here, Sugino laughed. "Doesn't sound like you hold out a lot of hope for me," he smiled. As Shindo continued talking, though, Sugino frowned and put the phone on speaker. Curious, I got out of my seat - ugh, _moving_ \- and crouched on the other side of his desk.

"Okay, you're on speaker," Sugino said. "Go ahead."

"Right now," Shindo's slightly tinny voice said, "as I'm talking to you, A Class is holed up in one of the main campus conference rooms, doing an independent study hall." What? Just what are you planning, Mr. Principal? If it's independent, he's not actively interfering... Maybe Karasuma and Professor Bitch's attempt to appeal to his sense of fair play worked.

Pfft, yeah, right. Where's the knife?

"It's being held by a bunch of geniuses. The school's finest." But I'm right here. "They're called the Big Five.

"Coming in at third place in the midterms, upwardly-mobile, ruthless, multi-national, social networking, CEO-in-Training, Media Club's president and social engineer, Teppei Araki!

"In fourth place, envy of the Humanities Department, inimitable wordsmith! Student Council Secretary and perspicacious poet, Ren Sakakibara!

"In sixth place, a true sorcerer of science! Consumed by fantasies of retribution against Akabane and Weyr, Biology Club President, Natsuhiko Koyama!

"In seventh place, an infamous wit who's sharpened his tongue on West Coast vernacular while kicking it in LA, Student Council meeting leader, Tomoya Seo!"

Sugino leaned forward. "Um, quick question, dude," he said awkwardly. Nagisa was looking a little nonplussed, and Kayano seemed a bit exasperated. "What are you doing with your voice?

"Oh," Shindo said hesitantly. "I've, uh, always wanted to be an announcer. Just practicing."

I sighed. "Carry on, then."

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, lording over all of these guys is the grand overachiever. In first place!" Shindo started doing the announcer thing again, and Kayano just sighed. "Hoisting his flag on the top spot of the national mock exams, with perfect scores in every subject, the man with a genetic disposition to lead! Student Council President, Gakushu Asano!"

I bared my teeth and muffled my rather foul swearing by the simple expedient of biting down on my forearm and not letting go until the pain overcame the rage. It was strangely soothing; no matter how angry I was at the time, biting down on my arm immediately calmed me down and made me feel like the tension inside was uncoiling. It was the strangest feeling, but it was a familiar one.

When I finally felt calm enough not to swear out loud, I let go and wiped my arm on my pants. Mother fucker, that's where it is. There's the knife. "The president's only son," Sugino muttered.

"You've gotta figure high scores are a given with this bunch," Shindo said. "The head honchos have ambition, charisma, reputations to uphold... And above all," he said darkly, "the desire to keep you down." And I have the desire to see my girlfriend and family again immediately, without waiting another day. Unfortunately, we can't always get what we want. "Asano has perfect scores in every subject, and the other four are experts, man! You can't be messin' around! It's serious business. They're hardcore. They don't want you guys back on the main campus. It's a point of pride."

"Thanks for the tip, Shindo," Sugino said with an easy grin. "They don't have to worry for now." He glanced around, and I realized that at some point the rest of the conversations in the class had died out and people were listening intently. "We're not looking to go back. It's kinda personal. I'd explain, but I really can't. Let's just say, beating A Class is in our, ah... best interests." I grinned like a shark. I can see the wriggling foot tentacle now... "We're fighters. You know this."

From Shindo's end, I heard a soft laugh. "More power to you," he said finally. "Just remember, this is your fight, so leave me out of it."

Eventually, we broke for the day and the students started leaving for their various afterschool activities, though being in E Class most of us participated in the 'Go straight home after school' Club. After checking with Ritsu to see if she had anything she wanted me to help her with and getting the all clear, I joined Nagisa, Kayano, and Karma to walk down the mountain. "First in _every_ subject?" Kayano repeated, shaking her head.

"Eh," I sighed, shrugging, "he shares the title with four of the five of them." Nagisa just laughed uneasily.

"Hey guys, wait up!" Isogai called from behind us. Karma kept walking for a bit, but Kayano, Nagisa and I stopped and turned to see him running out of the building.

"What's going on?" Nagisa asked.

"You wanna hit the books at the main campus library tomorrow after class?" he asked us. "I reserved us a spot," he grinned, waving a little ticket around. "Actually, I've been holding on to this for a while. Normally, we're dead last on the waiting list, so this little miracle is like a platinum ticket!"

I heard Karma yawn loudly, and when I glanced back over my shoulder he was walking away, clearly not interested in the offer. On the other hand, I very much was. Free access to all sorts of new and interesting fiction to read? Yes please, sign me up. My bookshelf at home was good, but a new library was always interesting. "Count us in!" Nagisa and Kayano chorused.

"Me too!" Nakamura chimed in, leaning around from behind Isogai.

"I'll tag along, if there's room," I added. So many books~.

I turned my head to see Korosensei leaning out of the staff room window. He was busy eating some sort of snack like always, and I grinned at him. Then, with slow deliberation, I drew my thumb across my neck in the fairly universal sign for 'Imma kill you'. His grin only widened, but I think he got the point.

* * *

The moon looming overhead was full and white. Any other time, I'd be glad it was cutting through the thick darkness in Sylvain. But right now, it was just showing that the streets were abandoned, all of the shops owned by the players closed.

Well, that's to be expected when it's five in the morning.

Heaving a sigh, I stood up and stretched, driven by some strange urge to just... keep moving. My legs wouldn't sit still. For the umpteenth time this night, I started pacing around the table. A few steaming cups were sitting on the table, and one was picked up.

Asuna sipped at the cup for a second before closing her eyes and rubbing at her forehead. She must be exhausted, and she's trying to avoid a headache, but given what we're going through, there's no way we can avoid a headache. Then again, none of us have slept in the slightest for the past two days, so -

I realized my thoughts were cycling and closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths and holding them. When I exhaled, my thoughts were calm again. I have to be calm. I have to stay strong.

"Are you alright, Asuna? Argo? You two haven't been sleeping."

I turned and gave a smile my best attempt. "I'm fine," I said, chorusing the words with Asuna.

Asuna gave me a tired look and a weak grin before continuing, "And what about you, Leafa? It must be tiring to be running around everywhere."

The blonde Sylph tried to wave it away. "My real body is resting in bed right now, so I'm alright."

She paused, and the three of us gave each other wry smiles. None of us sounded convincing. I blame the fog smothering my thoughts. What was it Nick said? Seventy-two hours without sufficient sleep before the brain starts hallucinating? Forty-eight? I can't remember.

In an attempt to distract myself, I started moving again, my tail always twitching. Always, always twitching. Never stopping. Leafa's house was nice, though. The walls of the home in the Sylph territory tended to be multi-colored, or at least have a sheen that constantly shifts in color.

It wasn't very helpful in avoiding a headache, but it was something to look at.

A pearl white table and matching chairs were in the center of the room; three were occupied, though there were four places set out. Pearls were generated when a mollusk trapped a grain of sand and then built up layer after layer over long periods of time. Most were small, so the amount of pearls that would be needed to make something like this was astronomical. They were also very expensive as part of their rarity, and they could be used as trophies of sorts. A way of flaunting wealth. Someone wearing pearls either bought them with new money or got them from family. There was a word for that. What was it? I can't remember.

"If you force yourselves too far, your minds won't be able to function during crucial moments," the fourth member of our little get-together said calmly. "Even if you can't sleep, it makes a huge difference if you just close your eyes and rest for a bit."

I stopped for a second and turned to look at the blue-haired Cait Sith. What did Sinon know, anyway? "And I think," she said, giving me a penetrating look, "that Argo is starting to reach that point. You've been busy searching, haven't you? Focusing and tiring yourself out. You need to rest."

"Din's been helping me," I muttered sullenly. "But fine, fine. I'll take a nap after we finish here." Or try to take one, anyway, but I didn't say that. The others knew that already; the last time I'd gotten any amount of sleep longer than fifteen minutes was literally right after it happened, while I was still in shock. The nightmares kept waking me up.

Asuna looked over at Sinon and nodded. "Alright," she said softly. "After the meeting's over, please let me rest on your bed, Leafa? If only sleeping spells worked on the player too..." she sighed.

Leafa rolled her eyes. "I think you can only sleep if Kazuto's sleeping on that rocking chair of yours," she muttered. It at least got a tired smile out of the three of us.

Placing the cup she was holding in two hands back on the table, Leafa took a deep breath and let her face get serious. I did the same, settling back down in my seat and bouncing my knee up and down. "Then, we'll get started with everything we've gathered today - ah... that is, yesterday. Basically, we can't find any real evidence that Kazuto and Nick were taken to the National Defense Medical College Hospital that the records state they were supposed to go to. The records show they were definitely transferred to the Neurosurgical department on the 23rd Floor, but the entire floor is blocked off. Also, there's no signs of the ambulance that supposedly brought them there."

"That's confirmed, by the way," I added. "Din and Yui broke through the hospital's security and double-checked the security footage." I'd suspected something was up when I wasn't allowed to visit Nick, and that suspicious feeling crystallized when Leafa reported she hadn't been allowed to see Kazuto. So, I asked Din and Yui to act on it.

"So, in other words, there's a high probability that Kirito and Ni-Rythin aren't in the Defense Medical Hospital... that's what you're getting at?" Sinon asked.

Leafa nodded in agreement. "It's hard to believe... but it's strange. They're not even letting family members see them..."

She trailed off and we all shook our heads. Nobody picked up the thread of conversation immediately, letting silence fall over us. I sighed and rested my head on my arms, staring off to the side. Nick had survived. Kinda. When I showed up to the hospital - I was, as expected, one of Nick's emergency contacts - the doctor was just coming out of the ER: the drug that Johnny Black injected had paralyzed him and sent him into cardiac arrest, and despite the best efforts of the emergency response team his heart had stopped. He'd been classified as Dead on Arrival the moment he arrived at the Setagaya General Hospital.

Somehow, either because the ER doctors were miracle-workers or because Nick was so gods-damned stubborn, or maybe just because he's a lucky bastard, they managed to flush the drugs from his system and his heart started beating again. When the doctor told me and Asuna that both he and Kazuto had pulled through, my heart did the same.

The doctor continued, saying that Nick's heart had stopped for just under five minutes, while Kazuto's had stopped for just a little bit more. I'm not sure why there was a difference - either because Nick was stabbed later, or because he had a little more oxygen in his system when he was stabbed, or whatever - but regardless there was the possibility of brain damage for both of the men I cared about. There was a possibility of long-term damage to thought processes or motor functions, and worst case scenario was a permanent coma...

The conclusion was, according to the doctor, that an MRI was necessary to tell the extent of the damage and that they'd be transferring the two to a hospital with better facilities. I managed to swallow the cold terror trying to attack me; Asuna managed to do the same thing until after she called Suguha. When Sugu showed up, though, her composure broke and Asuna started sobbing.

Kazuto's mother came running over from wherever she worked, as well as both of Nick's parents. Both women spent the night on the bench in front of the ICU, while Nick's father left after being told there was nothing to do but wait. The three hours I managed to snatch in a catnap was the last bit of sleep I'd gotten. Around two in the morning, Asuna, Suguha and I headed to Asuna's house after the supervisor told us the boys were 'out of danger', while the mothers went back to their homes to deal with the health insurance.

After we'd all had a shower, Asuna called the school and arranged for several days off, the three of us talked for a few hours, and then I managed to curl up and catch another catnap.

* * *

The next day, seven of us gathered in the library - Okuda and Kanzaki joined our little excursion to the land of air conditioning and books~ as well. I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot on our trip down the mountain, and Nakamura glanced my way. "What's got _you_ so excited?" she asked me.

I just shrugged. "It's a long story, but basically the library was my home away from home back at my old school," I admitted. I think I saw Kayano and Nagisa exchange a look, but I had no idea what it meant. "It's been a long, long time since I've had access to a good library, and I was starting to miss it." Sure, there was the one near my house, but I just didn't really have the time to go and browse books for hours on end, what with the SAO Survivor School, tutoring Asuna, and spending time in Alfheim with Kana and my family. Anyway, maybe I'm a _little_ bit excited, but I don't think I can be blamed. Or, well, the blame wouldn't really be justified.

When we got to the library, we got a few nasty looks from some of the students that were studying, but by and large people ignored us in favor of doing their own panicked studying for finals. Heh, losers. While the others went to go claim seats, I handed Nagisa my bag with a murmured thanks and went to wander the aisles. Books, books, books... I'll take _this_ one, with pixel art, and _that_ one – how do you pronounce that? Fool's Company? It's spelled weird – and eh, sure, this one too, it has a wizard on the front. Plus, the glowing runes on his staff look cool.

When I returned, I put my small stack on the table in front of me, leaned back, and cracked open the first one. Yeah, I missed this. Air conditioned comfort, a good book...

I'm not really sure how long it was, but I was about halfway through the first book when we were oh-so-rudely interrupted. "Well, look at that," a condescending voice said as footsteps approached us, and the other six looked up. I just ignored them and turned the page. "It's the E Class crew!" I think I recognize that voice, he's the announcer guy at those monthly assemblies. "This place is wasted on you. Why even bother? Pearls before swine, as the saying goes."

I sighed heavily and glanced at the page number - 145 - memorizing it before closing the book and glancing over to the side. It was four idiots, strutting around like they owned the place. Sure enough, the speaker in front was the announcer at the assemblies. By the muttered growls from Kayano and Nakamura, I gathered that they felt just as irritated by the appearance of the four as I did. "'Cast not your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled underfoot,' I believe, though it has been some time since I've read the source," I said. "Bible references, correct? Classy. Still, I think I'm more a fan of the Old Testament." I grinned slightly, showing my eyeteeth. "Y'know, 'an eye for an eye,' and such."

"Don't tell me," Nakamura muttered, still glaring at the four people.

"The Big Five," Kayano ground out under her breath.

Oh! So that's who these dinguses are!

"But, pretentious quoting aside," I said, still with my lazy grin, "to what do we owe this entry of gladiators?" My voice was almost pleasant.

I felt pretty damn proud of that one. Of course, it fell a little bit flat when nobody reacted with anything other than confusion. "Um, gladiators?" Nagisa asked me hesitantly.

I frowned. "Really?" I demanded. "Nobody got that. _Really?_ Ugh." And it was so clever, too. Nobody listens to classical anymore. A crying shame, really. "Anyway, buzz off, bother some other class. Study group going on here, keep moving, shoo, shoo." I waved them away like I was trying to brush off particularly annoying insects - which, to be fair, I kinda was.

"Oh, how cute, they're studying," Big Nose sneered. By the way he seemed to think he was responding to my insults with his own witticisms, this one would be Seo, the English guru. "Hey scrubs, playtime's over," he said, mimicking my own wave. Look, dude, if you're gonna copy my actions at least land a blow first. "The big kids need their spot!"

"Hey! Do you mind?!" Kayano shouted, waving her book in anger. The outer book fell away - I caught it carefully, so as to not let it get damaged - revealing the pudding magazine she was actually reading. "We're trying to fill our heads with knowledge!"

"Um, Kayano?" Nagisa asked sheepishly. "They can see what you're reading."

"We're not going anywhere," Isogai said flatly. Nakamura was still resting her head on her arms, and Okuda and Kanzaki just looked concerned. "We reserved these seats in advance."

Nakamura sighed luxuriously, all without moving her head. "Yeah," she moaned. "You don't know what it is to study in air conditioning until you don't have it! Move along, please."

"Well, what do we have here, fellas?" The dork one with the glasses leaned forward, shoving them up the bridge of his nose with his finger. Clearly, my way - finger and thumb around the left frame, then push at the bridge with the middle finger - was superior. "Are the hard-luck cases defying their upperclassmen? I mean, I knew they were stupid, but this is a new low!"

Okuda got up and stormed right into his face. "Hey! He said these were ours!" she declared. Ooh, she's getting a backbone. Nice.

"What?" Glasses asked.

"You're not the only ones allowed to have good grades! Everyone has a right to them if they work hard!" Okuda lectured, spreading her arms. "Try bossing us around when we kick your butts in the finals!"

We were making a scene; I could tell because people were 'stealthily' trying to watch what was going on out of the corner of their eyes. I couldn't really blame them; after all, the top-ranked students in A Class were being openly defied by the bottom of the barrel, the E-as-in-End Class. "You sure have some gall talking to me like that, you little twerp! And nice glasses, by the way, they make you look like a total nerd!" He turned to the announcer. "Hah! Am I right?"

"Uh... I guess...?" With _those_ ringing words of encouragement from Announcer, Glasses giggled obnoxiously.

"Don't be so quick to judge," the fourth guy said as he crossed behind me. He was the one with the stupid haircut, like half of his hair was shaved and then the rest was swept to the side in spikes. "Mm, look at her," he said, lifting a few locks of Kanzaki's hair. "Oh my, pearls before swine indeed!" He leaned in close, placing a hand on Kanzaki's shoulder. "Hey there," he said as she leaned away awkwardly. "Something tells me you're the kind of woman who gets her thrills from a sonnet. You make me wonder if my standards aren't too high..."

Casanova wannabe... Talking about sonnets... This would probably be the Lit guy, Sakakibara. "Um, could you get out of my ear, please?" Kanzaki asked. My arms tensed, but I didn't let my sudden anger show on my face. Poor Kanzaki. She attracts the worst kind of guys.

"Wait a minute," Glasses said suddenly under his breath. My eyes snapped to him. "I know who these kids are. Yukiko Kanzaki, rank 24th in Japanese, Rio Nakamura, rank 12th in English..."

"Hey, knock it off!" Isogai snapped as Sakakibara kept invading Kanzaki's personal space.

"Yuuma Isogai, ranked 15th in Social Studies. Manami Okuda, 18th in Science. And…" He glanced my way. "The transfer student that placed 2nd overall, Nick Weyr." I smiled placidly. So, they knew who I was, and knew I outranked them all, but still tried to through their weight around? These four really were drunk on power, weren't they?

Who knows? Maybe they were taking the easy way out with the cognitive dissonance of an E Class student being better than them and were saying to themselves 'It was a fluke! He got lucky! He couldn't possibly be this smart!' If that were the case, then it would benefit me to keep quiet and _not_ correct their misconceptions. And if they really did know I was as good as my score implied, well, then, they deserved everything that was coming to them. Putting forth the effort to crush them would be a waste.

"Oops, sorry!" Glasses said, leaning back and bonking Okuda on the head with a fist once or twice, like he was knocking on a door. Despite my decision to stay under the radar, my eyes narrowed in irritation. "These aren't your average everyday dumbasses! They actually have some academic chops!"

"Is that a fact? How interesting," Announcer guy said. If he's the announcer guy, then he's probably Araki, the leader of the Media Club, which makes Glasses Koyama the Science Guy.

"So?" I asked casually, the irritation at the irreverent dismissal of my classmates blowing through my resolve to stay low. "Are you here for something, or… just to be obnoxious? Because if it's the latter, I'm sure there are other people to bother. Maybe some other classes to harass."

"You seem pretty confident for someone stuck in E Class," Araki said with faux geniality, walking to stand over Isogai and Nakamura. "Why not put it to the test? Finals are coming up, so let's see who scores higher. A Class, or you E Class nobodies." He placed a hand on Isogai's head, and I could see our class rep's face get set in stone.

I pretended to think. "Mm…" I hummed, "I dunno. If all I'm gonna get is some bragging rights, then why bother? It sounds like a waste of time, if you ask me. Not really worth the energy." And once again, my poisoned tongue and natural talent at being infuriating rise to the occasion. Just have to make the silent assumption I'll obviously win to bait the trap, and...

"Nick…" Kayano hissed, but I ignored her. A small, soft smile was on my lips as I watched the A Class bullies. If my family saw it, they'd be worried - for the other party.

The Big Five's faces twisted with irritation. "How about we make it even more interesting and wager over stakes higher than bragging rights?" Araki asked. Excellent, they took the bait.

"Oh?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm cautiously intrigued. What stakes would those be?"

Araki's eyes gleamed. "Whoever scores lower has to do what the other class says. Sound fun?"

Beside me, Seo walked over and leaned heavily on Nagisa. "C'mon, don't be a wuss!" he sneered. "Where the hell's that attitude all of a sudden? If you wanted to, we'd even put our lives on the line!"

Like flipping a switch. Nagisa's eyes narrowed, followed by Nakamura and Isogai. Kanzaki just smiled serenly.

Without hesitating, the four members of our study group being hassled _moved_. A pencil appeared at Seo's throat, Nagisa holding it just close enough to put light pressure on his skin. Still smiling peacefully, Kanzaki had a pencil mere centimeters away from Sakakibara's eye. Nakamura sprung from her chair and jabbed a ruler at Koyama's neck, knocking him over as Okuda backed away in a jump. Isogai just calmly placed his finger right at Araki's throat.

"I'd be more careful about betting my life, if I were you," Nagisa said flatly.

"So, now that we've made our _point_ ," I said with deliberate emphasis, standing up to make sure to draw everyone's attention to me. Kanzaki was polite enough to let Sakakibara back off before he got some surprise eye surgery. "I'll accept your terms on behalf of E Class. Of course, I'd like to, ah… propose a slight modification to the bet."

My pleasant smile could freeze water. "I'm rank 2nd overall. 1st in the school in Math, English, Japanese, and Science, 2nd in Social Studies." I tilted my head, confident that everyone in the library was listening in on my boast. "And that means that all four of you together couldn't beat my grades." I twitched my head so that it was tilted the other direction and clapped my hands. "Your bossman might be a challenge, but… how confident are you that he won't lose a single point? In the interest of fairness, it only makes sense to just not count me. Sound good?"

They were trapped, even if they didn't realize it. If they rejected my offer, they'd lose hands-down. After all, I already beat them once and could possibly rival their ace in the hole. On the other hand, if they accepted - and they'd have to, since that was their only method of winning available to them - they'd not only look weak to the students listening to our little wager, in the case of our loss the rumors would say 'E Class lost, but only because the 2nd rank student's grades didn't count'.

Any sort of qualifier on that statement was good enough for me. Sure, we were giving up our best knife to guard against a situation that might not even happen, but any loss everyone walks away from isn't a real loss. I learned that in Aincrad, back when we had to retreat from the 43rd Floor's boss the first time. It would have been nice to utterly destroy them, but this way was safer in the long run.

"F-fine!" Araki said. "Sounds like a plan!" Heh heh heh. Thanks for your gift, Yuuki. It worked like a charm.

"H-hah, you don't scare me!" Seo blustered. "You have yourselves a deal, kids."

"You don't even know what we're gonna make you guys do when you lose!" Koyama whined.

Sakakibara finally left Kanzaki alone, joining the rest of the Big Five. "Don't try backing out now!"

"You'll regret this!" Araki fumed as the four A Class students beat a hasty retreat.

"Y'know," I said to our table, clearly enough that the nearby students in the library could hear, "their bragging would sound more believable if they didn't just run like little bitches from E Class students."

Me? Stab a knife in the back and then twist? I'm sure I have _no_ idea what that could possibly mean.

As the library students muttered amongst themselves, I sat back down. "Well, we just opened up a can of worms," Nagisa sighed. "Wait until everyone else catches wind of this."

"You said what?!" Yada shouted at me in class the next day.

I leaned back from the loud noise. "I said that my scores wouldn't count for the little competition between E Class and A Class," I repeated for the second time. It's barely into first period, come on now. I hate talking in the morning. "Not that my scores wouldn't count in the Korosensei Tentacle Choice Awards, or whatever. Besides, I managed to back them into a corner where no matter what happens, we _win_. Or, at least, we don't _lose_ , which is the important part."

Yada folded her arms across her chest and huffed. "That's not the point!"

"So what is?" I asked her.

"I... I don't know! But there is one! And it's not that!" I just chuckled under my breath.

"Speaking of that," Isogai said, "we got a note from A Class this morning. It was from Asano." I raised an eyebrow; why tell me this? "Basically, it outlined the rules of the bet. The winner gets one demand, to be met after finals are over. Thanks for this, by the way, Nick," he said apologetically. "It would have been a cinch if your grades counted, but this way works too. I know you worked hard to get them in a bad position."

I just grunted. "No problem," I said. "At least this way I get to relax a bit. Just means you losers will have to pick up the slack, no?" I grinned to take the sting of the insult out.

Inside, though, I was relatively ecstatic. Arrogant idiot! He'd failed to find the single way to squirm out of the noose I'd so laboriously tied around A Class's neck. If Asano had accepted that he couldn't compete either, then the playing field would be even - E Class might not be counting their best student, but then neither was A Class. The handicap was equal, so a loss now would still be considered crushing us. However, he failed to understand the gambit I'd made – giving up my queen in order to earn a checkmate with minor pieces – and so A Class was stuck.

Ah well. There really wasn't anything I needed to do, anymore; I would still work hard, of course, since I wanted my tentacle, but I didn't have to worry about Asano. Still, something about him struck me as dangerous. He was clearly brilliant, and since he was the one to deliver the message he was clearly in a position of power in A Class. I get the feeling that Shindo's line about a genetic disposition to rule wasn't mere decoration - I could almost _see_ the millipedes in the words of his message crawling around. He was up to something, and I don't think I want to find out what.

But there wasn't much time to worry about that for the time being, because Korosensei had kicked up the studying another notch. I diligently worked at the problems; it wouldn't do to lose my standing after mouthing off to the Big Five, after all. Sigh... Always about expectations.

Of course, some people weren't as affected. 'Some people', in this case, being Karma. The redhead was lazily reclining, book on his face and yawning.

Then I sneezed, for some reason. Someone must be talking about me.

"Blast it all, Karma!" Korosensei exclaimed, bright red with anger. "Wake up and get with the program! Apply yourself, for heaven's sake! You could get the best overall score!"

Karma lifted the book and peeked out at Korosensei. "Calm down, Teach," he said. "You and I both know I'm gonna do fine. My laziness is a credit to your study method. We can both afford to relax. You especially, right now," he added. I glanced around the classroom; each of us had our own private Korosensei lecturing us on material. "I mean, look at yourself! You're starting to come off as a regular teacher. Uptight and boring," he muttered the last bit.

Oh? I think Karma might have a problem with regular teachers. The Korosensei doppelgangers disappeared as Korosensei came to a dead halt beside Karma's desk, staring at him silently. "We've already got a plan of attack, right?" Karma asked easily. "You should have a little more faith in it. Are you _that_ worried about A Class winning this?"

Okajima turned around and grinned cockily. "Why should we worry?" he asked. "C'mon, man, we're us! We got absolutely nothin' to lose. What can they do?"

'A hell of a lot,' I wanted to say, but refrained. See? I can learn.

Kurahashi rose out of her seat. "If we win, they'll do whatever we tell them to!" She clasped her hands underneath her chin and beamed. "I vote we force them to let us use the cafeteria!" Yeah, but then we'd have to _walk_ down the mountain, then back _up_ the mountain after eating...

"Nue-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed. "Not a bad idea, but what about this?" He blurred away from Karma's side, only to reappear at the front of the classroom. "I say we force them to relinquish their pride and joy!" He held up a pamphlet in one tentacle, and I squinted at it.

"The school pamphlet?" Okano asked after a second. Then Korosensei flipped it around, showing us the back, and the class gasped as they realized what he was driving at.

"You're already well acquainted with being the low man on the totem pole," Korosensei said. "But I want you to experience what it's like to fight one's way tooth and nail all the way to the top!" I grinned slightly. I knew what that felt like. I knew _very_ well. After all, I felt that way every time we beat a boss back in Aincrad. "An assassin aims high to bring his target low."

I drew in a sharp breath as I saw what Korosensei was suggesting, and nodded once as a predatory grin split my lips. Yes, I could work with this. Oh, I could definitely work with this. Already, a plot was starting to churn in my head... But for now, we need to win, first.

* * *

Finals day. Everyone has worked hard, I know.

Time to put it to the test.

"Alright, Nagisa," Nakamura grinned as we all sauntered down the halls of the main campus towards our assigned test room. "Ready to kick some ass or what?"

The kid rubbed the back of his head. "I guess. If the test is fair-"

"Hey, hey!" Nakamura interrupted him, pointing her pencil case at him like a knife. "A tad more confidence, please! We're shooting for the top spot on this baby, so don't mess up! Especially since _someone_ had the bright idea of not letting his grades be counted!" she added, giving me the stink-eye. I just stuck my tongue out at her.

"Oh, this is gonna be hysterical." I looked over at the nearby door to see Fatso leaning against the doorframe, with Lizard behind him, arms wrapped around his waist kinda weirdly. Are they... are they a couple? Or just, uh, really good friends? I mean, I know that Asuna hugs me like that every now and then, and Shino seems to have no problem draping herself over me and vice versa, but... we're family, so I don't know? "The rumors true?" Fatso asked smugly. "You make a bet with A Class?"

"I wonder if you morons appreciate what you've gotten yourselves into," Lizard added.

Nakamura's eyes went flat as she sped up slightly. In passing, she shoved two of her pencils into Fatso's nose without hesitation, then slashed them outwards without pause. Fatso started whining at the sudden nosebleed; I just strolled past them with a confident smirk, though Nagisa seemed a little off-put by Nakamura's sudden violence. "I saw nothing," I said casually. "Y'know, if someone were to try to cry to a teacher, I think the 2nd ranked student's voice would carry a little bit more weight than two students from… C Class? D Class? Whatever you are."

Yeah, I'm being a shit. Yeah, I'm taking advantage of the system and acting like the spoiled A Class kids. And I don't care. I protect what's mine.

"Oh look!" Nakamura said happily, sliding the door to our room open. Nagisa still looked a little resigned to the fact that both of us were probably violent nutjobs. "We're first!" She looked in and then blinked. I peered around her, and blinked myself. There was, uh... a person... sitting in where Ritsu's spot would be.

It didn't look much like Ritsu. The hair was right, but the face... Ugh. I held back a shudder. Her genetics were _not_ kind to that poor girl.

"Who's that?" we yelped.

"Ritsu's proxy," Karasuma said as he leaned against the doorway. "Yeah, I know. The principal said an AI taking the finals was against protocol."

I raised an eyebrow. "You'd think an AI taking classes period would be against protocol, but whatcha gonna do?"

"Hey," Karasuma snorted, "at least the man was okay with us using a stand-in. Ever have to deal with him giving you that look?" he continued, gritting his teeth. "You know the one, right? It's so..." His eyes seemed dangerous, and we stepped into the classroom before turning to look at him. "It's like he can't even be bothered to pity you. Makes you feel like a damn child." An image of the smuggest grin I could think of appeared in my head, and then I bumped it up another two notches just to be sure. Mm, yeah, that's pretty damn smug.

We bowed. "Thanks for dealing with him!" the three of us chorused. Man, you couldn't pay me enough to deal with that guy's bullshit.

"Anyway," Karasuma said, looking at us seriously, "Ritsu and I have a little message for you guys." He grinned. "Do your best."

"You got it," Nagisa said. We all had a confident grin on.

Before too much longer, the rest of E Class showed up and got comfortable, taking out their pencils and making sure they were sharp. I tested the points of mine, and they were all rock solid. Karma, of course, sauntered in a minute or two before the bell rang and the tests were scheduled to begin.

As the chimes rang out, I cracked my knuckles. The game has begun, and we are about to engage in a guild vs. guild battle. Time for some fun... The papers were passed out and I accepted mine.

We were taking the tests separately, sure, but that didn't mean we were taking them alone, so to speak. We had our guildmates, the people we fought alongside of, and we had our enemies, the people we fight. The ones who want us to lose, the ones who want us to win. This was an arena, no doubt about it.

I might be an assassin, but right now my roll was that of a gladiator. The gate rose to the sandy pit, and I gripped the massive war hammer in my hands; it reminded me of Agil's weapon of choice, all gleaming silver metal with a heavy head and a wicked-looking spike on the end of the shaft. Nagisa and Nakamura were taking point on this one, standing in front of me; their weapons weren't quite as dangerous, though they were certainly intimidating. As the dirt erupted in front of us, we slid into our ready stances and prepared to wage war. A massive monster rose from the sand, a green-skinned giant with a yellow mane and a skull for a head, with four glowing eyes. Eh, I've dealt with worse.

Another day, another battle. I cracked my neck.

Nothing new, then. Let's get to work.

* * *

 **Oof… A little short, but not really all that much I could do about that. Unfortunately, a lot of the episode/manga this chapter was adapted from had to do with Principal Asano, and Nick has no ability to make it to those little chats. I managed to get around one by having a Kana interlude in the middle of the chapter (poor Kana (sadface)) but there was just no real way to avoid it for the others. Just think of it as payment deferred for the longer chapter last time.**

 **Kana's interlude, by the way, is important for a few reasons. One, it's important to show that Nick's relationship with his family isn't as bad as he thinks it is; he's distant from them and considers the SAO crew his family, but his parents still worry about him and show up when he's in trouble. Still, his father is pragmatic and won't wait when Nick won't wake up. And two, Kana and the others aren't taking this lying down. They're working to find the boys.**

 **The first missed scene, right after Korosensei talks about the reward for getting high scores, there's a scene where Karasuma and Irina are dealing with Principal Asano. The principal denies trying to rig the finals, claiming that he's just a principal making an environment for the students to learn better. (That beeping sound was my Bullshit Alarm going into CRITICAL BULLSHIT DETECTION MODE) Then, Irina continued to hit on Karasuma. He continued to brush her off.**

 **There was a brief scene where each of the Big Five showed off what made them the Big Five – Asano with Math, the others with their stated skillset – but that one didn't matter all that much, so I'm not worrying about missing it. It's irritating, since there's fun snark to be had about Seo's idiocy, but what can I do?**

 **More importantly, and the scene that the Kana interlude took the place of, was the principal and his son having a little heart-to-heart, family bonding time. Spoiler alert, they're both smug assholes. Asano – while kicking a soccer ball around indoors – says that he's fully aware that his father is concealing something about E Class, and he wants to know what. Then they start smugging at each other, something something those at the tops must mind their balance. Then Asano Jr. kicks the soccer ball at the principal and he catches it with his bare hand. Holy shit. (Also, apparently Korosensei is not being subtle at all, what with all the news reports about flying octopus and strangely-disguised teachers buying junk food and women who are – ahem – stacked hearing dirty whispers but when they turn around nobody's there.) Then they start talking about how the kid is a dog and the father is his master, but Asano the younger is planning on putting his dad on the leash and I DON'T KNOW. They're fucked up, okay?**

 **The last bit we missed are two scenes that are basically the same; after A Class dweebs come crying to Asano after Nick outmaneuvers them, Numero Uno is basically like 'yeah s'cool I'ma just take this opportunity to further my own agenda' and draws up a contract of fifty items. That's their one request, that E Class signs and obeys the contract. (He's wishing for more wishes, in other words. Also he types like 500 words per minute or something, because holy shit I'm surprised his laptop didn't catch fire.) Then, in the next scene, Asano is smugging about how one of the terms is 'E Class won't keep secrets from A Class' and he's going to use that to blackmail Daddy Dearest once he asks E Class what secret they're hiding.**

 **Before anyone whines about Nick's grades not counting for the competition, there's multiple reasons Nick decided to take a cue from Yuuki. One is because it forced them into a corner, of course, but another is because he's scared of failing when it counts and so does his best to not ever have it count. If he doesn't matter, then his failure doesn't matter. It's like the difference between screwing up when putting a puzzle together in your own home, and then screwing up when putting a puzzle together in a speed challenge (not that i'm speaking from experience or anything, i deny everything categorically). He hates pressure, a reaction from Aincrad, where every one of his decisions could mean life or death for himself or others.**

 **(also that way the results aren't 'nick won math. nick won science. nick won english', etc.)**

 **Anyway, here we go! Boss time. I like the little mental image that Nick has better weapons than the others, just because he's got more knowledge than they do.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	17. School's Out - 1st Term

**Chapter 17: School's Out / 1st Term**

* * *

As the chimes rang out, I cracked my knuckles. The game has begun, and we are about to engage in a guild vs. guild battle. Time for some fun... The papers were passed out and I accepted mine.

We were taking the tests separately, sure, but that didn't mean we were taking them alone, so to speak. We had our guildmates, the people we fought alongside of, and we had our enemies, the people we fight. The ones who want us to lose, the ones who want us to win. This was an arena, no doubt about it.

I might be an assassin, but right now my role was that of a gladiator. The gate rose to the sandy pit, and I gripped the massive war hammer in my hands; it reminded me of Agil's weapon of choice, all gleaming silver metal with a heavy head and a wicked-looking spike on the end of the shaft. Nagisa and Nakamura were taking point on this one, standing in front of me; their weapons weren't quite as dangerous, though they were certainly intimidating. As the dirt erupted in front of us, we slid into our ready stances and prepared to wage war. A massive monster rose from the sand, a green-skinned giant with a yellow mane and a skull for a head, with four glowing eyes. Eh, I've dealt with worse.

Tests were interesting beasts, really. I don't know why people insisted on cramming for information right before they took the test. It's not like you'd remember the information in the heat of the moment anyway, so why bother stressing out beforehand? I'd gone over the material I wasn't a hundred percent solid on the night before, then slept on it. I'll remember enough, and sleeping on it locked it in. In the end, I'd get what I get; if I knew the material, I had nothing to worry about, and if I didn't know the material, no amount of panic studying would let me remember everything, so why worry about it?

Plus, it means I get to relax while everyone else is freaking out, so go me.

"Graahhhh!" I grinned and laughed cheerfully as the boss monster slammed its war hammer into the dirt with a roar. Shards of rock were sent flying, and one was big enough that I landed on it for a second before pushing off.

Off to the side, I saw Nagisa desperately dive out of the way of his own monster's hammer as it slammed into the wall of the coliseum. Elsewhere, the other students were getting their shit pushed in by the heavy attacks; the boss wasn't hard, so to speak, but it was more sophisticated than the brute force we'd seen during the midterms.

As I pushed my way forward through the dust cloud, my boss reared back and let out a beam of energy from its mouth. I spun my hammer and knocked the laser away with a punch, shattering it into shards. Tch... I clicked my tongue. Why is everything so slow? I mean, I know my internal system accelerates when adrenaline is running through me, but this is still ridiculous. I mean, sure the tests were harder than the ones I had taken my first go around, but they were still giving me so much time to answer all of the questions.

Well, whatever. So long as the others do well, we'll win the bet easily.

As I dealt damage to the boss, I noticed something interesting - the wounds I made with each hammer blow were pulsing a dull red. The injuries seemed to make a latticework underneath the skin of the boss. Could it be... I raised an eyebrow as I reached the last problem and the lines sprang into sharp focus. Heh. I get it now.

"Bring it on, boss monster!" Seo jeered as he stared up at his own boss. His lines were glowing too, so he must be doing okay. "Oh, you're adorable! I know the card catalogue backwards and forwards, you don't scare me! The E Class scrubs on the other hand - S.O.L!" He slammed his hammer into the monster's stomach.

Unfortunately for him, his answer - 'If you want to know the truth, I felt like slapping the cook's face a hundred times' - was only partially correct. The wound disappeared and his boss roared at him. He stumbled back, clearly panicking, and I laughed cheerfully. Idiot. It's easy, so long as you can see the patterns.

The questions during the test had been leading up to the final question, so I knew exactly how to solve it. With a smirk, I jumped into the air and plunged the spike of my war hammer directly into the spot where all the lines congregated, a large pool of scarlet. Right in the center of its largest eye.

Ding-dong, a hundred percent for me!

I looked over to see how the rest of the class were doing, only to see Nakamura doing the same thing except with more style and flair. "You gotta learn to relax!" Nakamura said with a wink to Seo. 'Honestly, I wanted to give that cook a hundred slaps in the face.' "Seriously, curl up with a good book once in a while."

Both of our bosses exploded into a shower of particles, and I landed lightly before flourishing the hammer and stabbing it into the ground. Nakamura gave a dismissive hair flip before giving me a high five. "Well done," I said with a grin. "Looks like the Big Loser over there failed to answer, huh? I wonder if he hasn't read the book?"

"What, you don't know Catcher in the Rye?" she asked Seo with a huge grin. "Oh wait, it's not a textbook, why would you?"

For once, I hadn't actually read the book before, since it wasn't my usual genre and I hadn't been assigned it for class. Still, though, I was bored, and I love reading. The natural progression there should be obvious. Despite Salinger's thorny writing style, it was easy to mimic the speaking style of the protagonist. _Catcher in the Rye_ , _Nineteen Eighty-Four_... All good books. They weren't required reading, but I plowed through them anyway. I'd actually been intending to read _Nineteen Eighty-Four_ for a while, so it was good to get around to it.

Fuck _The Great Gatsby_ , though. Fuck that thing right hard.

Behind me, Nagisa raced forward and destroyed his own boss with a well-placed blow. "I got it!" he shouted in triumph as he slid, sticking the landing in a three-point stance.

Seo glowered as he dodged the boss's swipes and tried to close in. "So nobody recommended it to you? That is a crime," Nakamura said. "Someone needs a literate octopus to push them outside their comfort zone." Nagisa grinned; we were all remember how pushy Korosensei was when it came to 'recommending' the book.

'Holden Caulfield's rebellious spirit is enthralling!' he'd gushed. 'An absolute _must_ for boys and girls your age. I recommend following it up with _A Clockwork Orange_. Mindblowing!'

He sounded like one of those people trying to sell something on an infomercial.

I laughed happily as Seo scowled. Pretty sure that means one down, two to go.

...

"Yeah!" Koyama laughed madly. "Bring it on, science!" He pointed his wizard's staff - a gnarled branch, really - and a bolt of purple lightning crashed down on the boss from the clear blue skies. The armor covering the boss started peeling off - only to slam back down the instant his spell ended. As the boss raced towards him, he stammered, "B-but I memorized everything!" He was forced to dive out of the way as it took a swipe at him with its massive sword. "Why can't I get the armor to come off of it?!"

I shook my head and glanced at Okuda. "He really doesn't get it, does he?"

"It's not that simple," she said. We were both casually riding on the shoulders of her boss monster - revealed to be nothing more than a green slime underneath that armor, now that she'd convinced it to remove its helmet. I swear I heard the thing coo, 'Great job!' "How do I put this... Science isn't just memorization." She bonked the slime on the head with her staff, and the correct answer appeared in a glimmer of magical light. "Sure, you stand on the shoulders of giants, but the whole point is to see further than they did. You have to think for yourself. Make your own discoveries!"

The slime reached up and gripped its armor. With weird slurping sounds, it pulled the armor off, stepping out and skipping off gaily with both of us riding on the shoulders. "How did your test go, Nick?" Okuda asked me.

Science is simple. Just know how things respond, and it's a matter of following the steps. Once you know the equations, it's just applying them. Cause and effect – everything has a reason.

I grinned, glancing at the gleaming red gem set in my own staff. It was a metallic-looking deal, with a long silver shaft. The head, instead of being a curled knot of wood, was golden metal wrapping around the gem like a crescent moon. "Eh… it was easy enough."

The gem in the center flashed. "I shot it!" it declared in a mechanical yet feminine voice, almost proudly.

"Yes you did," I laughed. I glanced over to where my boss monster was nothing more than a smoking pile of ashes on the ground. "Thanks for letting me ride on yours, by the way, Okuda. Beats walking."

...

Social Studies, on the other hand, wasn't nearly as clean a kill. The boss was some weird six-armed creature with a tank for a head, and the questions they were asking were stupidly absurd. The metal sword I had was no match for Kirito's Elucidator, or even his Long Black Sword that he was using these days, but despite that I gave it my best. I would have preferred a dagger, but in the end I was able to finish the fight.

See, there are some battles that I couldn't win, regardless of what I could do. So, then, what to do when asked how many times the Tokyo International Conference on African Development has met? Simple. Just toss out a grenade, guess randomly, and move on. No sense stressing out about something when I know I won't get the answer. Besides, I was able to damage it plenty on my own - by the time I gave up, it was missing most of its leg-arms.

Despite my cracked glasses and singed clothes, I was still better off than that Araki twerp from Class A. He was in the middle of a smoking crater, his clothes torn and his sword bent and shattered. Guess he has no idea how many times the High Muckamucks met either.

To the right, a boss crashed to the ground, its barrel bent. "Whew," Isogai said, sword over his shoulder. "That was a close shave. But lucky for me, I _do_ know how many times they've met."

Well, aren't you just the smartest person in the room right now? "Argh, come on!" Araki shouted. "What are the chances?!"

Isogai looked over and grinned. "I know, right?" he laughed. "Coincidence! I happen to sympathize with Africa's poverty issues. Thing is, my family's dirt poor so I kinda get it. I actually got a chance to go there recently. It's a fascinating place, you should really visit!"

"Korosensei?" I asked him.

"Korosensei," he nodded. "What happened to you?"

I huffed out a grin. "Social Studies, still my weakest subject. Did my best, but whatever."

He grinned and clapped me on the shoulder. "Well, nobody's perfect."

"Says Prince Charming."

...

The Japanese Literature test was more my speed. It was a one-on-one battle against a massive samurai, and I was armed with an elegant naginata. My blade spun as I danced, parrying the blows of the samurai's gigantic katana and shoving them off their mark. It was all a matter of simple movements, small changes that meant more than was on the surface.

Still, it was entirely based around translating the passages and rewriting them; I was skilled at reading and writing, but my creative side was sorely lacking. By brute-forcing the blows I was able to run the samurai through and destroy it, but it was far from elegant.

Speaking of elegant... "Spring has gone away," Kanzaki said as she swept her blade in a graceful arc. "And summer came, it would seem. From those white hemp robes, laid to dry in the sunlight on Kagu's Heavenly Hill." Her words turned to a cloud of cherry blossoms petals, swirling around her samurai boss and obliterating it from sight before scattering to reveal her triumph.

"Hahaha!" Sakakibara laughed, brushing his hair to the side. Still a stupid haircut. "A translation worthy of your beauty, my dear..." He leveled his naginata at his own boss. "However, sloppy modern syntax does not a satisfactory answer on the finals make."

I just shrugged. I could mimic the style, but actually creatively writing it? No chance in hells.

...

Finally, came the final fight. Mathematics.

I had this shit down _so_ hard. Beside me, Karma was reclining in his seat lazily, supremely confident in his own victory. Well, so long as he performs when push comes to shove I don't really care how lazy he is. I mean, I rarely study as it is, and I do fine.

Besides, Math was kinda my shit. "You seem prepared," Karma said lackadaisically to me.

I glanced down at my sniper rifle, a perfect copy of Shino's favored weapon. "Mm," I shrugged. "I'll probably get the job done." I glanced over at his assault rifle, then over at Asano's copy of Karma's weapon. "Luck to you, I guess."

The gate to the arena slid up and I strolled in, whistling a merry little tune. Karma took it even more casually, eyes arrogant and spinning his gun around with one hand in his pocket. Unlike the two of us, Asano strode in confidently with his back straight.

Eh, whatever. When it comes to Math, the answers are all there, I just have to reach out and take them.

* * *

Two days of testing. Two days was all it would take to ruin everything. Here's hoping.

Korosensei stood in front of us, a thick packet of papers in his hand. He knocked them on the podium. "Alrighty, class," he said. "This is it. The test scores are in."

The tension in the room was pretty thick; everyone knew just how much we had riding on this wager, and everyone knew how much we stood to lose. Even the usual troublemakers were silent. Kayano had her hands clasped together in a pleading gesture, and Fuwa had a piece of paper taped to the window to keep score.

"Without further ado," Korosensei said as he unwound the cord tying the first packet shut, "the English portion." He pulled out the page. "First in E Class... Oh ho! First in the entire grade!" Everyone in the class gasped and perked up at that. As long as it wasn't my name, we were solid. "Rio Nakamura-" Tch. I clicked my tongue "-and Nick Weyr!"

Oh. Well, that works too.

The class erupted with cheers, laughing and grinning at the blonde girl. "That's right," she grinned, fanning herself with her textbook.

"Bravo, my dear," he said to Nakamura as she went up to get her test sheet. "I'm glad to see my misgivings about your enthusiasm were unfounded."

Nakamura laughed and smiled mischievously. "Hey, nothing comes between this girl and the promise of cash. There is the little matter of your tentacle, right? You haven't forgotten," she said with another quick wink to our teacher.

"Perish the thought," Korosensei said, though his face was giving us the orange Correct sign. At Mach speed, the rest of our tests were handed out to us; I glanced over mine, but I already knew I had gotten a perfect score. "Nagisa - good show overall, but it seems we still have an eensy-teensy issue with your spelling. Something to work on. In the meantime, as agreed, top marks in a given subject mean one tentacle down." Korosensei lifted two tentacles and planted a flag on each one; the flags read 'To Be Destroyed'. "I'm already down two tentacles thanks to the efforts of Nick and Nakamura. Let's continue with the rest of the grades to see if I'll lose more."

One subject down, two to go. In terms of Korosensei's tentacles, I could check out; I already had my marker and I don't think I could get another one, so it didn't matter to me what the rest of the class got. However, there was that small problem of the bet with A Class to consider, so until we got two more top slots I had to pay a small amount of attention.

Korosensei pulled over the next packet. "Next is Japanese." I winced; I'm pretty sure I didn't do perfectly on this one, if only because my creativity was meh. "First in E Class... Nick Weyr!" Tch. If I'm the top of the class, then that means that my scores don't count. And since I know I fucked up at least something... "E Class's second-highest score goes to Yukiko Kanzaki! But I'm afraid the honor of first in the entire grade goes to A Class's Gakushuu Asano." I sighed harshly. Yep. "Still, you two gave the principal's son a run for his money." I glanced at Kanzaki with a raised eyebrow, and she mouthed '96' to me. Ah, she was only one point behind my score.

"Guy's a know-it-all," Maehara sighed. "Total asshole."

"…Hey…"

He shook his head sheepishly. "Not you, Nick, Asano."

I blinked. "O-oh… I knew that…"

"No kidding, right?" Mimura agreed. "Nakamura and Nick only beat him in English by the skin of her teeth."

"Classic type A personality," Isogai said. "Guess that's why he's ranked nationally, huh?"

"All of the Big Five jerks are ranked nationally," Kimura pointed out. "Asano's king of the hill, though. Nobody moves on without getting by him, first."

"In Social Studies," Korosensei continued after everyone received their grade sheets for Japanese, "first in E Class goes to Yuuma Isogai!" Isogai tensed up, bringing his hand up to his chin. "As for first in the grade... Dun-da-da-dah!" Korosensei shouted suddenly, and everyone gasped. "You beat out Asano for the top spot!"

Isogai erupted from his seat, pumping a fist in exhilaration. "Yes!" he exclaimed as the rest of the class cheered.

"Excellent job," Korosensei told him. "Especially considering the fiendish questions they cast at you." Yeah, I can attest to that. I only got a 93 on the test, placing 3rd overall in the rankings. Eh, could be worse.

"We're two to one!" Fuwa said with a grin as she marked another tally on our side of the sheet.

"Who got it for Science?" asked Sugaya, turning around to stare at Okuda. The little science prodigy was sitting nervously, hands clasped. "Okuda?"

"First in E Class for Science is... Nick Weyr!" Korosensei announced. I frowned - I don't count. "But for the sake of the contest, E Class's highest scorer is... Manami Okuda! And..."

With another orange circle and ding-dong sound effect, Korosensei lifted the grade sheet in the air. "Outstanding! Even disregarding Nick's score, you still beat A Class for highest score!" Okuda's face split into a huge beaming grin, and the entire class erupted into cheers. She got a 98, huh? Nice.

Fuck yeah, we did it. Addendum: get _fucked_ , A Class. "That's three to one, guys!" Fuwa announced.

"Do we even need to know who won for Math?" Mimura asked. "E Class killed it, no question!"

Okuda got to do the walk of victory to pick up her score sheet to the cheers and praise of the class. Man, that would suck having to walk up there more than once - I'm glad I wasn't part of this. "Nice going Okuda!" "Hey, who gets the tentacle? Nick already has one!" "It should go to Okuda, she earned it!" Yeah, that would be exhausting. I'm getting tired just listening to the class cheer for Okuda.

"Yeah!" Kimura pumped his fist. "Now A Class has to do whatever we tell them to."

"Yeah, they do!" Kurahashi grinned.

Takebayashi adjusted his glasses. "Which just leaves Mathematics."

"Hey, Korosensei!" I called out, trying to make myself be heard over the roaring of the class chatting animatedly. "How are we handling your tentacle?"

"I feel it would be best if Miss Okuda were the assassin," Korosensei said, appearing in front of me. I glanced up at the desk; he was still standing there with a beaming grin. Ah. A speed clone. "Not to diminish your accomplishment, but you already have a tentacle to worry about."

I just shook my head. "No arguments here, sir. I was going to suggest that Okuda get it anyway. Um, quick question - what happens for Math? If Asano comes in behind me but ahead of everyone else, I mean."

"If you receive the highest score, whether you place ahead of Asano or even tie for the highest grade, I will allow you to decide. You can nominate a proxy, or take a second tentacle for yourself," Korosensei replied. "The same applies for any student with a claim to two or more tentacles."

"Alright, works for me."

Korosensei's speed clone disappeared as he picked up the final packet for the Math scores.

And the scores were in.

Gakushuu Asano: 100 points in Math. 1st in Year 3.

Nick Weyr: 100 points in Math. 1st in Year 3.

Tch. It would have been better had I managed to steal the top spot from him as well, but second place overall was fine. I was still breathing down his neck, ready to plunge a dagger into his spine at his first mistake - I was only one point away from his total score of 491, after all.

And the best part was, anyone that looked at the individual scores would know that A Class only came as close to victory as they did because _I_ made the offer to let my grades be ignored. _I_ gave _them_ a handicap, and they still lost.

Well, now I have to deal with the important decision. Do I take the second tentacle myself, or do I hand it off to someone else? "I'm gonna stroll a bit," I said to the small group of people near my desk. "Get some fresh air, clear my head, that sort of thing."

Without really waiting for a response I packed my things away and stood up, cracking my neck as I made my way through the rest of the students eagerly comparing their score sheets and started wandering around outside. It wasn't terrible, really, and we had earned the right to destroy five tentacles as well as one unrefusable demand from A Class.

Despite all of that... "Huh?" I grunted, staring at the tree off by the clearing. "Is that... Karma?" Wonder what he's doing out there, sulking by himself. Though, to be fair, he royally fucked up. I mean, 85 in Math, and only 469 overall? Not bad, in the grand scheme of things, but absolutely pathetic compared to his earlier showing. His cocky attitude was like bringing a knife to a gun fight - I did the same, only my knife was sharp and could cut apart bullets, if the metaphor is to be tortured.

I raised an eyebrow as I saw Korosensei appear by the tree, and I leaned against the windowsill and watched everything play out. Karma didn't seem to notice Korosensei's presence thanks to him being so busy sulking. If I moved, I could probably listen in on the lecture - but you're not supposed to do that, I think. Something about letting praise be public and scolding be private? Man, I'm curious, though... "Y'know," I said to myself idly, "this is a bad idea and I'm not entirely sure why I want to do this in the first place."

A few moments later I was hidden in the branches of a nearby tree, close enough that I could see and hear what was going on, but far enough that I probably wouldn't get caught.

Karma crushed his test papers and gritted his teeth. "Never underestimate your target," Korosensei said from behind him, and Karma stiffened. "Particularly when it almost has a monopoly on grade-point averages. The best score in E Class went to Nick, placing second, but the next best score went to Kataoka and Takebayashi. Both admirably tied for eighth place. Not surprising, given that all three studied hard. As did your opponents in A Class, which was to be expected. These finals were nothing to sneeze at. One's only chance was to study."

"Give me a break," Karma growled. "Nick never studies."

"No, but he does apply himself admirably when it comes to homework. In a way, that's how he studies - which is more than I can say for you." I blinked. Huh? I didn't study at all, and homework was just homework. I just did it to not lose points.

Karma was quiet for a few seconds. Then, he ground out, "What're you tryin' to say, Teach?"

Korosensei peered out from behind the tree trunk with a mocking grin. "Someone thought they could coast by on luck and a devil-may-care attitude. And proceeded to royally screw it up." Karma choked and went bright red, his usual composure shattered. "Two of your classmates have a claim on one of my tentacles, and one of them has a claim on three! Nakamura, Isogai, and Nick. You, on the other hand, have nothing. Which is only fair, because that's what your carefree, non-committal attitude has contributed to the cause. See where I'm going with this?" he whispered the last line.

Korosensei dashed in front of Karma, green stripes over his face. "Those who fail to apply themselves," he lectured as he patronizingly poked at Karma, appearing in different locations every now then, "who at the moment of truth decide to sit back and let the chips fall where they may, are destined for disappointment." By this point, several afterimages were poking at Karma, the boy's face bright red. As for me, I was confused. That's what I do, though. Just sit back and see what happens. "Dull is the blade of a lazy assassin," Korosensei continued over Karma's angry breath. "In fact, I wouldn't stoop to call him an assassin at all. A blowhard and a braggart, perhaps," he said, poking at Karma's cheek, "but an assassin? I think not!"

Karma finally had enough and he knocked Korosensei's tentacle away with a huff and stormed off towards the equipment shed, hands shoved in his pockets. "Hey," Karasuma said. I blinked; I'd been so preoccupied with Karma and Korosensei that I completely missed the agent approaching. "Don't you think that was a bit harsh?"

"Of course," Korosensei admitted softly. "It had to be. I cut him down so he'll spring back up. The boy's enormously talented, there's no denying that. But he's a novice. He's not yet learned how to be worthy of that talent. He refuses to meet any challenge except on his own terms. He doesn't see the true value of competition. To a young person," Korosensei said, "for whom everything comes easily, the pang of defeat can be a much-needed wakeup call. On the surface, the whole concept of exams may seem arbitrary. But deep down, it's not about grades, it's about rising to the occasion. It's about tasting the rapture of triumph and disgrace of failure. They go hand in hand, you see," he said, pacing around. "One is meaningless without the other. To win, one has to lose! The difference between a novice and a master is that a master has failed more times than a novice has tried!" he said, arms spread wide as a breeze played out over the open field.

Deep.

"Now!" Korosensei said, turning to face Karasuma. "Nick, I trust you realize why I let you listen in on this lecture?"

"Yipe!" I yelped, jerking backwards instinctively. Of course, because I was up in a tree, jerking backwards was the same thing as losing my balance and I went falling to the ground. I landed in a heap, groaning as I pushed myself to my feet. "Ow... Um, was I not supposed to listen in?"

"Normally, no. I don't want to see it happen again, in fact," Korosensei said. His face was purple, and I shrunk a little bit, scratching at my arm. I hate being lectured. "I let you listen this time because you could benefit from the same lecture as young Karma," he told me. Karasuma looked irritated at me. "Although, it seems you know the sting of defeat already." I stiffened. How did he... It felt like he could see right through me, through every bit of misdirection and flippancy I used as a shield, and knew everything I tried to hide.

Actually... I kinda liked that feeling. It was novel...

* * *

The bell rang to start homeroom the next day. "Okie-dokie, class!" Korosensei said, cheerful as always. "A fine showing on the finals. You managed to snag the top spot in four out of five subjects. Let's get this assassination attempt underway, shall we?" Five of Korosensei's tentacles rose up, each with its own little 'To Be Destroyed' flag on it. "The top students can pick whichever tentacle they like - Nick has informed me that Okuda will destroying one of his three tentacles, while he will be destroying the other two himself." I grinned at Okuda when she turned around. Hey, she earned it - she was instrumental in securing our victory against A Class.

Korosensei's face turned striped with green; I guess he's okay with losing five tentacles. I mean, that was five tentacles he was going to lose, cutting his speed in half, but it's not as many as he could have lost.

"Hold up, octopus!" Terasaka snapped, rising out of his seat with his followers close behind him. "What's this BS about us only having the top four spots?"

"Ah, I believe all subjects have been accounted for," Korosensei said uncertainly. "English, Science, Social Studies, um..." He started counting on his tentacles, which was surprisingly difficult when you only had two pseudopods on each hand analogue.

"Nice try, I don't think so," Terasaka said as he knocked away one of Korosensei's counting tentacles. "English, Science, Social Studies, Math, and let's not forget Home Ec." He tossed a few papers on Korosensei's desk. "We aced 'em all, read 'em and weep."

Four papers were sitting there, each with a scarlet 100 on the top corner.

"What?!" Korosensei shrieked. "Home Ec?!"

Ryoma Terasaka, Taisei Yoshida, Takuya Muramatsu, Kirara Hazama: 100 in Home Ec, 1st in Year 3. Hot damn.

"Hey, if it was covered on the final, it counts," Terasaka said smugly.

"What do you know?" Hazama said smugly. "The idiot pulled his weight, I'm proud of us."

The class didn't really seem to be entirely sure how to handle this little bombshell. To be fair, I was kinda dumbfounded myself. Still, I glanced at Karma, and he nodded. Okay, he'll take care of it.

"Th- Not so fast!" Korosensei babbled. "Home Ec is a _blow-off course_ -"

"Hey, hang on, Teach," Karma said lazily. "Wow, that was just plain rude. You ask me, Home Ec is straight-up one of the most important classes."

I scanned through my memory, then nodded. If that was where we were going with this... "In the verbal deal, we never specified _which_ courses count in our wager, or the total number."

The rest of the class picked up the idea quickly and started shouting at Korosensei. I heard Okajima cry out, "Look at you try to cheat! C'mon, be a man!"

"Home Ec _is_ the toughest one!" Sugaya shouted. "And all four of 'em got top scores!"

"That means we're nine tentacles in all!" Kurahashi exclaimed, shoving her hand in the air.

"Nine?!" Korosensei shrieked. "Gyahhh!"

Fuck me sideways, that was more than I expected. Like, holy shit, that was a lot more than I expected.

"Um, Sensei?" Isogai raised his hand, and we all quieted down. "We put our heads together, and we got this idea. See, we were all thinkin'... We could use our wager with A Class to kinda sweeten the pot."

"What?" Korosensei said blankly.

Heh heh heh. This was a good idea.

* * *

The final day of school, according to Nagisa, is always marked by a large assembly. How this is going to be any different than the monthly assemblies, I don't know, but whatever. At least, there's going to be one rather large difference in this particular assembly.

"We-hell, looky here!" Terasaka said with a smug grin as he stood blocking the door to the gym. "If it ain't the big man on campus himself!" I peered over his rather large shoulder to see the Big Five all walking towards the gym in formation.

They all looked like they'd been sucking on lemons all morning.

"Pardon me, some of us have a ceremony to get to," Asano said flatly as he brushed by Terasaka. "I don't have time to indulge the likes of you.

He only made it a few steps into the gym before Terasaka's hand on his shoulder stopped him cold. "Woah, woah, woah!" Terasaka said, sounding for all the world like he was just catching up with an old buddy. "Not so fast, there, slick, what's the big rush?"

See, the nice thing about E Class getting here before everyone else? We were here before everyone else, so we were here in force while the Big Five were all alone.

"We had a bet," Isogai said from the front of the pack. He was our spokesperson, for fairly obvious reason. "And last I checked, you lost. We don't want to rub your faces in it, that's just how it is." Well, I'd be fine rubbing their face in it, but whatever.

The Big Five didn't seem to be taking it well; Araki in particular had the ugliest look on his face. And then, even worse, his face was twisted in anger too. "Our demand was sent to you via email," Isogai continued. "I suppose you can make that happen?"

"If you even try to play like none of this was for real, that's cool," Terasaka grinned. "We'll throw in Home Ec. We mopped the floor with you in that too, not that anyone's keeping score. Ohh, wait a sec," he laughed. Beside me, Nagisa seemed a little nonplussed by the sheer smug being exuded by Terasaka and his group, but Kayano seemed alright with it. "Never mind, yeah, they are."

Those four found a tiny loophole and pried at it until they managed to wriggle through. Damn impressive, really - they put in almost half of the tentacles on their own.

Still, Asano's glare looked like it could kill - and it only intensified when it landed on me and my typical shit-eating smug grin. Before long, though, he spat out an agreement and stormed off with the rest of his lackeys in tow. I love it when someone like that gets angry. It's so delicious.

We lined up in preparation for the assembly as the rest of the students came in a little bit at a time. "Hey, where's Professor Bitch?" Yada asked me.

I just shrugged. "Back at the old campus with Korosensei." I could imagine the whining from here:

'Why couldn't we go to the assembly again?' Professor Bitch would snap.

'Mr. Karasuma said our presence would be a distraction!' Korosensei would reply.

'Ugh! Yours, maybe, calamari.'

'Yours, more likely... _bitch_.' Korosensei would probably say the last word in a taunting tone, since Professor Bitch really hates it when we do that.

"Karma!" Isogai said with a grin. "I'm surprised to see you here. Since when do you make time for stuff like this?"

"Not a big deal, man," Karma said dully. "If I didn't put in an appearance, everyone'd just think I was just running away..."

"Hm?" Isogai smiled, but he didn't seem to get it.

Another conversation was going on over to the side. "Yeah, you should check it out sometime!" Nakamura said to Kurahashi.

"Yeah! Sounds interesting!" she replied.

That was about the time another student joined the E Class line - namely, Ritsu's stand-in. Um...

Let's just say the only resemblance to the cute Ritsu we all knew in E Class was, um... her hair color. Sugaya stiffened and dashed over to Mr. Karasuma. "Not to be that guy," he whispered harshly, "but Ritsu's stand-in is giving me a serious case of the willies."

"Suck it up, soldier," Karasuma muttered back. "We can't afford to have the real thing exposed as a machine. Her stand-in is my immediate supervisor's daughter, so ease up. Kid knows how to keep a secret."

"Psst, Nick!" Ritsu whispered to me, and I glanced at my phone. "Look at the other girl's breast pocket!" I glanced up, and saw the other Ritsu had her phone sticking out - just enough for me to see Ritsu give a little wave. Heh, she was here with us after all.

"Her father agreed to this because Ritsu's tutoring got her grades up," Karasuma continued.

Y'know, I'm not really sure this government understands the whole 'top secret' thing. I mean, there's no way a regular girl has a clearance for this. "No offense," Sugaya said, "but she's been hovering around me since finals. She's nice, but she's definitely the reason I came in dead last." To be fair, dead last was still 95th in the grade.

Dead last in E Class, yeah, but miles above where our average was back during midterms. Looks like the principal's gambit didn't pay off this time.

Before long, everyone in the school was assembled and the usual speeches started. "Vacation is no excuse for becoming lazy!" lectured the... I don't even know, but he was some old guy. "Uh... You, um... Hm... A few months of fun in the sun isn't worth landing in E Class." Heh. I can tell the exact moment when he gave up trying to improvise and just went straight with the old script. Too bad for him we basically punched above our weight class and got a knockout, so the E Class bashing doesn't really seem to be panning out.

I noticed the rest of the classes giving us ugly glares of jealousy and resentment - including, to my utter joy, Lizard and Fatso. Yeah, you two stew in your idiocy and despair! Suckers. That's what you get. Ah... Those glares, that trembling in barely-contained rage... So very, very delicious.

Suffer more, Kunugigaoka students. Suffer more for my amusement.

* * *

 _DOOM,_ followed swiftly by a muttered, "Gods damn _._ "

That's basically the sound of the summer guidebook hitting the top of my desk. "One guidebook for each of you!" Korosensei announced. Holy shit.

"Doesn't really get how to sum things up, does he?" Maehara grunted, staggering over to his desk. The book on Nagisa's desk looked like it was taller than the blue-haired kid was.

"Feels like I'm playing an accordion!" Okajima said, fanning through the pages. Chiba had his open over his head, and it actually managed to go from shoulder to shoulder without touching his head.

"These barely begin to scratch the surface!" Korosensei told us as he dropped a copy into Hayami's hands with a _whump_. "The irresistible siren songs of summer are beyond count!" He placed his tentacles on the podium, assuming his usual lecture stance.

"Now then," Korosensei said, "As we plunge headlong into the break, remember this. A _certain_ main event is just around the corner."

"Yeah," Nakamura laughed, "trust us, Teach, no one's gonna forget that." She waved a copy of the school pamphlet.

I pulled out my own copy and flipped to the page in question. "Every year, this little event is a privilege reserved for the students with the highest scores on the finals. That is to say, A Class," Korosensei said. A smirk twitched at my lips. I can feel their burning rage and humiliation from here. "This time, however, A _and_ E Class were neck and neck in the top 50th percentile. So, I'm proud to say, you boys and girls _more_ than qualify..."

I laughed triumphantly, cackling madly. "For the Kunugigaoka Junior High Summer special course in Okinawa!" Korosensei announced triumphantly. "Three whole days at one of the finest resorts on the island!"

"Yeah! Woohoo!" The entire class erupted into cheers.

As I sat in class, listening to the others ramble excitedly about the trip, and about how they were gonna have _so_ much fun, and how they were gonna get new swimsuits, I leaned back in my chair. My mind whirred as I started absently planning out different ways to get some much-needed reading in, kill Korosensei, and enjoy a summer break for the first time in, like, seven years.

"So, then," Korosensei said after everyone had a chance to get their excitement out of their system. "What will it be?"

"Well," Isogai said, glancing back at me - I nodded at him. "We've decided we'd like to cash in our tentacle freebie options during summer camp."

"Very good," Korosensei praised us. "Nine tentacles will present a major handicap. But that's not all! Anything about Okinawa strike you as advantageous? Perhaps the fact that it's an _island_? Surrounded by _water_?" Yes, yes, that's why we chose it. Not sure why you're telling us this...

"I'll be honest with you, children," Korosensei said, rubbing at his head. "Korosensei is more than a wee bit nervous. As you know, I've already handed out your report cards for you to show to your parents." I twitched slightly at the way a few members of the class glanced back at me. " _These_ ," Korosensei said as he picked up a sheaf of papers and started scribbling on them with a red pen, "are report cards specifically for _assassins_."

He tossed the papers in the air, and as they started fluttering down I grinned. Double circles for the entire class. The highest score possible, given to us by the target. "You've become a formidable bunch," Korosensei said to us all. "You should be proud! The first term is all about the basics, which you've mastered! But now... we're gonna step things up!" He disappeared with a burst of wind. "First term is over!" he announced from the roof as we all ran out of the classroom. "Let the assassination classroom summer vacation begin! Time for a little R and R! A little supplemental study! And a lot of killing!"

As I sauntered outside into the summer heat, I grinned. Yeah, I think I could get used to this.

* * *

 **Go team. E Class did it.**

 **Was it easy for Nick? Yes. Did he play the Big 5 like a fiddle? Also yes. (remember, though, he's like 6 years older than them and has little to no morals. it's like stealing candy from several obnoxious babies.)**

 **Writing the little test battles was just a chance for me to goof off, really. Little jokes here and there, like Nick casually shattering a laser beam with a physical attack (hey my dudes watch 'problem children are coming from another world, aren't they' because it's real rad), or him using a sniper rifle in the Math battle instead of an assault rifle. Nick's not really applying himself – I mean, he's taking them seriously in the sense that he's not just slacking off, but at the same time he's not trying his hardest. It should be obvious, given that he just kinda gave up on the answers in the Social Studies portion, but whatever. (And yes, his weapon for Science** _ **is**_ **what you think it is. It's all in his mind anyway, and Sugu made him watch TV shows with her.)**

 **When writing the chapter outline, I'd only planned for Nick to manage to snag one extra tentacle, the Math one. Then, later, I decided on what his score would be and how the point breakdown would go. Then, it turned out he got three perfect scores and, well, fuck me he's earned three tentacles. Oops.**

 **As for listening in on Karma's scolding, Nick really shouldn't have been doing that, and Korosensei scolded** _ **him**_ **for it. The only reason he got away with it is because Korosensei wanted him to hear the same warning, in order to avoid the same problem as Karma. Nick doesn't really understand what he did wrong, though, so…**

 **Other things of note in the chapter – pay attention to Nick's repeated actions. Things he thinks over and over again, things he does without really noticing it… Stuff like that. It'll probably be important later – or, at the very least, is a good hint at what he's feeling when he repeats himself.**

 **Another short chapter, but there's no real way to get around it. As much as I'd like to add more stuff, it's just a chapter with not much happening; they have the tests, and then the aftermath from the tests. Don't worry, we'll be getting back to longer chapters soon (I hope) and everything should be back to normal.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Nightblade Gaiden – Route: Yuuki**

I smiled, staring off into the distance.

My phone vibrated, the alarm that went off once a year letting me know, but I dismissed it without looking. I already knew what day it was, after all.

The five-year anniversary of Yuuki's death. The day that I lost the woman I'd fallen in love with.

It shouldn't have been a surprise, really. I knew that whenever I got close to someone, they would leave eventually. But…

Three months. That's all it took.

Every time, it happened faster.

I smiled, looking at the vista stretching out before me. The early morning _was_ beautiful, with the way the rising sun reflected off of the water.

I smiled that same, tiny, frozen smile that I'd been smiling ever since Yuuki died. The smile that didn't reach my eyes, that didn't reach my heart. The smile that had driven away anyone that might be hurt if I disappeared. Even Kana, no matter how hard my sister in everything but blood had tried before finally giving up on me.

And then I let myself fall.

Hey, Yuuki?

You said you'd wait, right?

Sorry.

Guess I'm coming to see you a little early.

I love-

 **Some of you asked for this.**

 **You monsters.**

 **(seriously what did you think was going to happen, yuuki'd miraculously survive? hah.)**


	18. Island Time

**Chapter 18: Island Time**

* * *

SURPRISE!

 _Tell us, Kunudon!_

The animated acorn slid on screen; behind it was a board that read, 'By upholding our principles of high-growth education, we provide the ideal environment for drawing out burgeoning potential.' "Hello, boys and girls!" Kunudon shouted. "It's Kunudon!"

 _Hooray!_

"Did you know the students with the highest scores here at Kunugigaoka Academy get dibs on the best vacation ever?!"

 _Yay, entitlement!_

Kunudon flipped open the brochure, revealing photos of pristine sandy beaches and a beautiful resort hotel. "That's right! Three days at one of the finest resorts in Okinawa!"

 _All without a passport!_

"And the best part? Not only do the students get to hit the books seaside, your school pays for the whole kit-and-kaboodle!"

 _Summer debauchery? Yay!_

Kunudon was all ready to go, smiling cheerfully - when the cheery background music cut out and it just sat there. "...Wait!" Kunudon snarled, face darkened with anger. Its fists crumpled the brochure in its hands. " _E Class_ is going this year?! F*ck that!"

...

I blinked my eyes blearily and rolled over before pushing myself more or less upright out of bed. "Man, these dreams just keep getting weirder and weirder. I thought I was exercising enough before bed to stop having dreams... or at least not remember them. Time to up my routine, then." Seriously, what was with the random censoring?

...On second thought, it's somewhat telling that my confusion is over the censoring and _not_ the anthropomorphic talking acorn. I vaguely remember fighting something like that in Aincrad...

* * *

"Y'know, I just can't seem to wrap my head around why _I'm_ the one here," I grumbled.

Kayano grinned over at me. "Well, we do need a guy's opinion on our swimsuits," she chirped. "And you're taken, so it's okay!"

"What about Maehara? He'd actually be able to give you constructive feedback." How was I supposed to judge swimsuits? That's not how this works. I don't do clothes shopping. I'm pretty sure that the last time I got new shirts was after I woke up from Aincrad, and that was only because I'd outgrown everything in my closet. "The best I'll be able to give you is a shrug and a confused noise."

"We were going to ask Maehara originally," Yada said as she pulled back the changing room curtains, "but Okano vetoed that idea. Besides, I think he's busy today anyway. Nobody had any complaints when Kayano suggested you. Anyway, what do you think of this one?" She posed in the blue swimsuit. I'm sure it would make any normal boy roll over and beg.

I shrugged and made a confused noise.

Yada frowned. "Better or worse than the red one?"

I shrugged and made a confused noise.

"Red one it is. Thanks, Nick!" Smiling, as though my 'opinion' had somehow made the difference, she pulled the curtain closed again. I have no idea what just happened.

"But Kayano, what about Nagisa?" I pointed out to the small girl sitting on the bench next to mine. She'd already finished shopping and had decided to keep my company; I was sprawled out and reading, so as to make it fairly clear I had better things to do, but none of the girls were letting me go yet. "Don't you want his opinion?"

"That'd be weird," she pointed out. "You're the best one for the job, and that's that."

"Ugh..." I don't even need a new swimsuit. I'm not intending on doing any swimming while on the island, but I had a pair in my closet regardless. I'd need it for Korosensei's assassination, after all. "Whatever," I groaned. "Ritsu, distract me please?"

My phone chimed and Ritsu appeared, smiling at me. "We could go over the summer assignments Korosensei gave us, if you'd like," she suggested. "I think you haven't finished your homework yet, right?"

"Okay," I sighed, "maybe swimsuit shopping is better..."

"You'll have to do it sooner or later, Nick," Ritsu scolded me. "And you shouldn't leave it to the last minute, or something will come up and you'll be in trouble."

I rolled my eyes and picked up my book again, from where I'd put it down when Yada came out. "Don't you know, Ritsu? People work best when they're under stress, and nothing does stress like running up against a deadline. And since I try to do my best whenever possible, it's only natural that I leave my homework until the last minute. Are you asking me to do less than my best, Ritsu? Is that what this is? Are you, Ritsu, encouraging slacking? Encouraging sub-par work?"

"...I'm sure there's a flaw in that logic somewhere," Ritsu muttered, before sighing. "You give me a headache sometimes..."

How does an AI even _get_ headaches?

After an interminable amount of time - at least half a book's worth, though I read fast - the girls were finally done. Each of the four had purchased something, though at least Kayano, Yada, and Kanzaki were quick about it. Okano had taken forever, since apparently the right swimsuit is nearly impossible to find unless you try the same two on over and over again to find miniscule differences in each one. "Alright, that's out of the way," Okano stretched. It's jarring to see them in casual clothes, since I only ever saw them in the uniform. "Thanks for letting us drag you around, Nick."

"No, no, it's fine," I said flatly. "I happen to like wandering around through three different swimsuit stores, doing nothing but sitting and reading the entire time while the four of you can't make up your minds."

"We really are grateful," Kanzaki said.

I glanced her way, then sighed. "Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I didn't actually have anything better to do anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Plus, Kayano promised me ice cream after everyone was done, so..." At that little tidbit, all the girls sighed simultaneously.

What? I'm easily bribed.

* * *

When I showed up to the hospital - I was, as expected, one of Nick's emergency contacts - the doctor was just coming out of the ER: the drug that Johnny Black injected had paralyzed him and sent him into cardiac arrest, and despite the best efforts of the emergency response team his heart had stopped. He'd been classified as Dead on Arrival the moment he arrived at the Setagaya General Hospital.

Somehow, either because the ER doctors were miracle-workers or because Nick was so gods-damned stubborn, or maybe just because he's a lucky bastard, they managed to flush the drugs from his system and his heart started beating again. When the doctor told me and Asuna that both he and Kazuto had pulled through, my heart did the same.

The doctor continued, saying that Nick's heart had stopped for just under five minutes, while Kazuto's had stopped for just a little bit more. I'm not sure why there was a difference - either because Nick was stabbed later, or because he had a little more oxygen in his system when he was stabbed, or whatever - but regardless there was the possibility of brain damage for both of the men I cared about. There was a possibility of long-term damage to thought processes or motor functions, and worst case scenario was a permanent coma...

The conclusion was, according to the doctor, that an MRI was necessary to tell the extent of the damage and that they'd be transferring the two to a hospital with better facilities. I managed to swallow the cold terror trying to attack me; Asuna managed to do the same thing until after she called Suguha. When Sugu showed up, though, her composure broke and Asuna started sobbing.

Kazuto's mother came running over from wherever she worked, as well as both of Nick's parents. Both women spent the night on the bench in front of the ICU, while Nick's father left after being told there was nothing to do but wait. The three hours I managed to snatch in a catnap was the last bit of sleep I'd gotten. Around two in the morning, Asuna, Suguha and I headed to Asuna's house after the supervisor told us the boys were 'out of danger', while the mothers went back to their homes to deal with the health insurance.

After we'd all had a shower, Asuna called the school and arranged for several days off, the three of us talked for a few hours, and then I managed to curl up and catch another catnap.

I slept for about three hours in fifteen minute chunks before I woke up to find Asuna gone. Panic jolted me awake and I gave her a call, but it wasn't what I'd feared. It was just a transfer to the new hospital and I sat back, the adrenaline receding a little bit. I curled up next to Sugu and tried to get back to sleep, but I was awake and couldn't rest anymore.

Regardless of my sleep schedule, Kazuto and Nick definitely left that hospital just before two in the afternoon on the 30th. Din and Yui managed to pull those visuals from the cameras of the general hospital after a few more moments of hacking. And records showed that the ambulance reached the Defense Medicine whatever it's called, right on schedule, where Kazuto and Nick were immediately admitted to the neurosurgical department for intensive care. We all believed it - why would hospitals lie? - but when we went to go see them late last night we weren't allowed to see him or even to look in on intensive care.

When Asuna spoke, I stirred and blinked blearily. I'd almost fallen asleep, I guess. "It's true that Kirito and Nick were sent from the hospital by ambulance, and the destination was the National Defense Medical University Hospital. Yui and Din found the admission records for Kazuto Kirigaya and Nick Weyr, but it's suspicious. There's no report of how Kirito or Nick looked, and we couldn't see them on the surveillance cameras. It's possible that the ambulance that took them rode to some place other than the hospital, but..."

"But it's not likely," I said with a yawn. "Which leads us where?" I was so tired. It was like the map was clouded.

"Well, there's obviously intent, which means it was planned. Abduction?" Sinon asked in a calm voice, even though her twitching ears betrayed her distress.

"But in that case, the ambulance should be disguised, right? Putting aside the paramedics, the vehicle itself would be a fake, right? I don't think anyone would have predicted that Kazuto and Nick would be attacked by that guy called Kanemoto or whatever, and be hospitalized. Besides, it had only been 18 hours after they had been hospitalized."

"So, it's physically impossible to arrange for a fake ambulance in the time frame between the attack and the abduction," I concluded. "Lovely. There goes that theory."

Sinon frowned. "But that means they had the ambulance ready to go already. In that case, what if the person that planned this just snatched Kirito and Rythin by coincidence?"

"No, it doesn't feel like that," Leafa murmured, shaking her head. Her ponytail bobbed, and it was very distracting. "When the hospital transfers a patient, they need to make a call to request an ambulance. But according to Yui, nobody made a call that day, and the ambulance just showed up at the moment. The paramedics knew Kazuto and Nick's name, too. The supervisor in charge said that they didn't make a mistake."

And damned if that didn't give me lovely feelings in my stomach. "Then they were going after Kirito and Ry from the beginning."

Asuna frowned, her lips a thin line. "So the culprit was alerted when they entered the hospital and sent a real ambulance for Kirito and Nick to take them." The three of us nodded at her words. We... None of us really wanted to connect the pieces. It was scary, to think that there was someone powerful enough to send an actual ambulance specifically to abduct Kazuto and Nick.

I wanted to believe that it wasn't true, that my tired mind was seeing enemies where there weren't any. After all, paranoia was Nick's thing. I was just tired and a little loopy, and I was worrying over nothing. But...

But I couldn't believe that. It was just a gut feeling, a small tingle down my spine. Something that Nick mentioned, a sixth sense that something was wrong.

"Well, whether it's an organization or a person, that person is our enemy," Asuna declared, her tired voice adamant.

"Agreed," I growled. "We need to find them."

Sinon blinked at us, then smiled very slightly. "Before I got here, I... I was worried you three would be exhausted and too worried to do anything. Leafa because her wonderful and most beloved big brothers were hurt, and you two because they're your boyfriends... And then those two just disappear. Even unconscious they worry us," she sighed with a shake of her head.

"Nick's _your_ big brother, too," Leafa muttered. "Don't try to pretend you're not worried." Sinon bit at her lip and didn't try to deny it. How adorable. "I _am_ worried," the blonde Sylph continued. "But when I realized they might not be in the hospital, it's... I feel uneasy but kinda like I expected this. Nick and Kazuto definitely got involved in something crazy again. But this time, I'll definitely..."

"Kirito and Nick are definitely fighting like normal somewhere, so we have to handle the fight on this side," Asuna said. Her voice sounded a little tight. Was she upset that Sugu was so close to Kazuto? "But you don't seem terribly upset, Sinonon."

Sinon was one of those people that had this natural air of confidence at all times, like she always had everything under control. I think the only time that self-possession ever faltered was when Kirito and Ry were messing with her. We all knew she had a softer side, but we didn't take it as an insult when she chose not to show it to us. It was just who she was, after all.

"Ah..." Sinon blinked, her cheeks red. "That's because... that's because I'm the only one that can beat Kirito... And because I believe that Rythin will come back no matter what he has to do. He promised m- us."

'He promised me'? Hm... _In_ teresting...

Asuna glanced at me, then at the stuttering Sinon, before just saying, "Anyway, just looking at the ambulance, this enemy is definitely powerful."

"Should we report this to the police? If they ask, the hospital _has_ to give us some information, right?"

Logically, Sinon's suggestion made sense. Unfortunately, logic was left behind at the last station. "Nope," I sighed. "All the records show that Kirito and Ry are exactly where they're said to be. Our only reason for thinking they were kidnapped is that there's no video of them arriving, and that's not enough... Besides, there's the small matter of how we got the data."

"Din and Yui hacking in," Sinon grimaced.

"Exactly," I sighed. "They didn't leave a trail, but they'd still get in trouble for it if we admitted what we did. And before you ask, Sinon, we already checked - the internal security is different from the outside. Din could break through it..." I knew. I'd asked. "...but if he does, there's a good chance he'll get caught."

Leafa shook her head. She and Asuna had gone to visit the hospital yesterday, taking the two kids with them, but I hadn't gone with them. I'd spent the whole day on the computer, searching desperately for any hint as to what happened. It also meant I was in contact with Keiko and Rika, but I didn't want to lie to them... Fortunately, I was saved the guilt of lying to them about Nick and Kazuto by virtue of Asuna and Sugu doing so for me. They were worried, but the story that Nick and Kazuto were sick - a bad batch of beans, according to the story, so they both had a stomach bug - worked out for everyone.

We were going to keep it a secret until we knew who all was involved; the only reason Sinon had been invited originally was because she'd met with us before the attack and because she'd been part of the Death Gun incident. But, she was turning out to be a calm rock that was making all of us feel better.

"I think our biggest advantage is that we know more about Kirito and Rythin than anyone else. So let's take a step back and think about it."

I nodded and stood up. "Hang on a second..." Trying to blink the tiredness away from my eyes, I swiped open my menu and grabbed one of my favorite items. A large, wide screen appeared in front of us, with a keyboard screen appearing in front of each player. "Here. We can all edit this, so just write something down if you think of it. I just... just..."

My head started swimming, and then the room tilted and I -

\- staggering steps, Sinon's hand on my -

\- I blinked, exhaling slowly. I pushed myself upright to see that I was lying on the bed in Leafa's house. "Wha' 'appened..." I slurred, words not working right.

"You collapsed," Asuna said, patting my arm gently. "I'm surprised that the AmuSphere didn't log you out."

"I have the time delay at fifteen minutes," I mumbled. "Like to snuggle with Ry..." I feel like I shouldn't be saying this. Should I be saying this?

"Try to get some sleep," Asuna murmured. "We can manage without you for now. I'll let you know if we figure anything out, okay?"

"Mmkay..." I shook my head woozily and swiped my menu open. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault." Leafa smiled at me. "Get a nap and feel better."

I gave the girls a weak smile and logged out of the game. The real world came back to me slowly, and I groaned weakly as the exhaustion of my physical body hit me like a hammer. In Alfheim, I could ignore it as long as my mind would work, but I couldn't ignore my body here. As much as I wanted to. How did Nick do it? He was always complaining about being tired, but he never flagged for an instant.

That last thought stuck with me, and I frowned as I closed my eyes. There had to be something I was missing, some connection I wasn't making or some conclusion I couldn't draw. There was something bothering me, though, something to do with Nick's abilities…

"Mom."

I blinked slowly before sitting up and picking at my top in distaste. I'd fallen asleep, and the usual nightmares must have just started; I was soaked in sweat. I'd need to throw my pajamas in the laundry. "That you, Din?" I croaked.

"I'm sorry to wake you." I sat up and grabbed my phone. "I assumed you were asleep when you didn't reply immediately."

I shook my head, rubbing at my eyes. They felt sandy. "It's... It's fine." I still felt exhausted, but my brain was working a little bit better than before. Some of the fog of war had lifted. "What's wrong?"

"It's been thirty-six hours since the initialization of Contingency Johnny Black," Din told me seriously, and I looked at him. What was Contingency Johnny Black? That had to be something Nick came up with. "And the deactivation phrase was not entered. Therefore, the following video file has been decrypted and authorized for your viewing."

My phone screen went black for a second, and I was so very, very confused.

Then Nick appeared, and my heart clenched. "If you're listening to this, Kana, then it has been... thirty-six hours?"

"Thirty-six hours," Din's voice replied.

"Thanks, kid." My wonderful, wonderful, Nick. He's right here. Gods, I miss him so much. "It's been thirty-six hours since I have received a credible threat towards myself, you, or any of my family members regarding Johnny Black."

My eyes widened. "He 'xpected this?" I whispered.

His lips twitched. "No, Kana, I didn't expect this," he said. "I'm just being thorough. I've been making these videos and planning for any contingency I can think of. I'm up to... twelve now? Maybe thirteen. It doesn't matter. Regardless, here's what you need to know.

"If you know where my body is, then you don't need to worry about the rest of this video. Go ahead and close it - please, do that, actually. There's going to be some sensitive information disclosed, and plausible deniability and all that. If you don't know where my body is, then... this should explain everything." He paused for a second.

"Still with me, catling? Okay, then." He took a deep breath. "I'm working for Kikuoka - you know that. But what you don't know is that he's the one behind my disappearance. Don't worry," he said, raising a hand as I bolted upright, "I'm the one who asked him to do it.

"Anyway, here's the thing. When I activated this, Kikuoka received a similar message. It explained my situation, and suggested a course of action. In essence, I told him that I was likely dying, or at least comatose with a probability of brain damage, and to prepare to take measures. Approximately twenty-four hours ago, twelve hours after I activated this, I sent another signal to him, letting him know to check on my condition and take action if necessary. He's taken my body, or Kazuto's, or whoever was attacked and injured, to the place where I work."

Nick sighed and shook his head. "If you already know where it is, then that's great. If you don't, well, I'm legally prevented from telling you what it is or where you can find it. That being said, I'm certain you could find everything I'm going to tell you, given enough time, so I'm just saving you the effort. I know what you're capable of, beautiful..." His eyes softened. "I don't doubt for a second that you'd figure this out for yourself. It's just that I don't want you to worry, so I'm giving you a push in the right direction.

"The place where I am is called the Ocean Turtle - it's an underwater research laboratory, designed for the development of artificial intelligence. Real AI, not just a computer program designed to simulate it." Then he jerked and grinned sheepishly. "Not that you're not a real AI, kid. Didn't mean it that way."

"It's okay, Dad," Din's voice said. "I know what you meant."

"Yeah..." He ran a hand through his hair. "But, Kana, the difference is in how they work. Top-down AI, like Din, are incredibly advanced computer programs designed to simulate human consciousness. They hear question A and reply with answer B. The complexity of their programming dictates the breadth of response, and Kayaba _was_ a genius... The second type, the kind Kikuoka wants to create, are called bottom-up AI. They can grow and adapt, developing ideas and concepts from nothing. Conceptually, top-down AI is restricted to what they've experienced, while bottom-up is genuine consciousness that can learn and create. It has to do with Fluctlights and the Underworld. It seems impossible, but... I don't know.

"As for me, I'm not part of that group. I've chatted with some of the people on the Underworld team since I got hired because of my work with Yui and Din, but I'm working on a training simulator designed to train actual human soldiers. Sorry I couldn't give you more information, sweetheart, but that's really all I know. Or, really, that I'm comfortable giving away. There are limits that even _I'm_ not willing to cross when this is only just a maybe." He chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry again. If you need proof, look into anything related to either artificial intelligence or marine studies, something like that. I'm sure that, since this is supposed to be secret, the budget is spread out and obscured under some other charge code. I'm certain you all can find what you need."

"Oh, Nick," I whispered.

He smiled. "Stay strong for just a little bit longer, Kana. I'll come back. I promise."

"You'd better, y'idiot."

"I love you, beautiful."

"I love ya." My vision was starting to blur with unshed tears. "I love ya so much, Nick. I'm comin'. Wait f'r me."

The video went black and I took a long, slow shuddering breath. "Mom?" Din asked carefully. "Are you okay?"

I closed my eyes and then exhaled slowly. A lot of the pressure I'd been feeling lifted, now that I had a solid lead on what was going on for the first time. "I am, Din." I moved to grab my AmuSphere. "Let's go. The others need to see this."

When I logged back in, I expected to surprise the other three with my news. I did not expect Asuna to light up and gasp, "Argo! We know where Kirito and Nick are!"

"Um," I replied intelligently. "Ry sent you all a video message too?"

"What are you talking about? Nick didn't send anything..."

Huh. "Wait, how did you figure it out, then?" I asked. "Ry told me about it in a message, but if you didn't..."

"We were clever," Leafa grinned. "We figured that we knew they were targeting Kazuto and Nick specifically, so we needed to figure out the reason. If they were after money, they'd have contacted Asuna by now, and Kazuto and Nick don't have any enemies capable of doing this. Which means it's because they needed them for something. Since those two are basically normal students, beyond Nick being, well..."

"Beside the idiot somehow being basically a genius," Sinon interjected calmly.

"Yeah, besides that. Even then, he still hasn't graduated high school. So they needed them for their skills in the virtual world." I blinked at Leafa's conclusion. That makes a surprising amount of sense. We all knew Nick was brilliant, and I love him dearly, but beyond that he really didn't have any particularly unique skills aside from... aside from killing people. …In a game, in a game. That's what I meant. In a game. "But since Kazuto and Nick are unconscious, it couldn't be any normal game."

I frowned as my tired brain came up with the answer they'd found almost immediately. If they were unconscious, whoever took them didn't need their consciousness. And the only company who had VR equipment that dealt with the subconscious mind was... "So that's how you made the connection that RATH took them." I shook my head. "Ry sent me a message explaining everything, and the real reason is that he asked them to do it."

"What?!" the girls exclaimed in unison.

I nodded. "They aren't some protagonists in a TV show," I pointed out. "The drug that Johnny Black used could have caused brain damage, so Ry asked Mr. Kikuoka to take them to RATH because the STL might be able to help if that's the case. But how do you know where they are?" They came to the right conclusion from the wrong data, but that didn't explain everything.

Asuna smiled, and I realized that Yui was sitting on her lap. "Yui tracked the data from Kirito and Nick's implants to a place called Tokyo Heliport. From there, the tracking data went off the grid. At first we thought that meant they were outside of the country. But that wasn't right. Argo, do you remember Kirito talking about Alice?" she asked me suddenly.

I blinked and closed my eyes for a second. "He mentioned it briefly, didn't he? Two days ago, in Agil's shop. Something about Artificial... Labile... Intelligence." I snapped my fingers. "That's right. Ry mentioned that Kikuoka was trying to make bottom-up AI. What's labile mean?"

"Very adaptive," Yui answered immediately.

"Thank you, sweetie." I nodded as the path became clear. "So RATH developed the STL as a means of creating the AI. But that doesn't explain how you know about the Ocean Turtle."

"Once we decided that RATH was the culprit, we looked for the budget," Sinon continued. "We hadn't found it before because Yui and Din were looking for terms related to VR technology, but when Yui searched for Artificial Intelligence we found a ton of projects. The marine resources budget seemed suspicious, and when we looked at a picture of the Ocean Turtle - where the project is located - it looked like a pig combined with a turtle."

"Like the poem," I breathed.

Asuna nodded. "Exactly."

I grinned a small vulpine grin. My exhaustion wasn't forgotten, but the new lead let me push it to the side just a little bit more. "RATH." We'd found them.

I'm coming, Nick. And nothing's going to stop me.

* * *

Sure, Korosensei's assassination was coming up soon - between me and Ritsu, we had a pretty good plan hashed out, though we needed to refine a few more variables - and sure, it was summer break, but that didn't mean we got a summer break from assassination training. In fact, quite the opposite. Now that we didn't need to worry about wasting half or more of our day in classes, we could focus on being the best little killers money couldn't buy.

"Oh, you adorable brats," Professor Bitch said smugly as we fired down-range. My targets were closer, but that was because I was practicing with my handguns rather than the rifles the others were using. I just didn't have the talent for them, for whatever reason, and I'd rather max out my skill level with the pistols before starting from scratch on a new skillset.

I glanced at Professor Bitch to see her reclining on the track field behind us, dressed to impress as she always was. White gloves covered her hands up to the forearm, and a white hat and sunglasses kept the sun off her face and out of her eyes. She was even sipping some weird fruity drink from a wine glass. "Go ahead," she continued, "spend summer vacation working up a sweat. I'll be relaxing, thank you very much."

I sighted and fired off a double-tap; one hit the head area, but I wasn't able to correct for recoil on the second shot fast enough and missed. The first one wasn't even a kill shot, though, so I snarled under my breath. Center mass, you idiot. Don't aim for the head. "You need this too, Professor Bitch," Mimura complained. "In fact, of everyone here I'd say you need to level up the most."

What are you saying? I'm sure she's done plenty of grinding already.

I grinned and snickered under my breath. Fuwa glanced at me curiously from where she was sitting on the ground to aim, but I just shrugged.

"I'm an adult, hun, we're sneaky," she said simply. "You'll go at it with your customary verve, and I'll piggyback on all that to steal the show."

"Will you now? Some things can be counted on to never change."

Oh hey, I know that accent. And judging by Professor Bitch's sudden panic, so did she. She bolted upright in her sun chair, slowly turning around to look at the looming figure behind her; when she finally managed it, she jerked back with a cry of shock.

I really can't blame her much, though, Lovro appearing behind anyone would be a cause for alarm. "Lovro! Sir!" she gasped.

"He's been hired on as a special instructor for the break," Karasuma said. Meanwhile, Lovro was doing what he did second-best: looming menacingly. "We need all the pro tips we can get. He seemed like the obvious choice."

"Relax for even one day, and your killing muscles atrophy," Lovro told Professor Bitch. My god, those Rs. "Unless you want to fail," he barked suddenly, "wear something respectable!"

Professor Bitch shot to attention with a shriek and dashed off. "Yes sir! Right away sir!" she shouted as she ran towards the building.

"What do you know," Sugaya said. "Someone even Miss Bitch doesn't dare mouth off to."

"Can't say I blame her, man's as scary as they come," Maehara noted.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Karasuma told Lovro.

Lovro didn't blink. Is the man a cyborg? "Do not thank me yet, my upright friend," he said. "I am afraid I could not manage to establish the contacts you requested."

Contacts? Lovro was a hitman dealer, so... Karasuma was trying to hire more assassins, I guess. "Perhaps your former students were put off by news of the target's difficulty," the agent suggested.

"It is likely," Lovro agreed. "But we must rely on what we have."

Professor Bitch returned wearing a black hooded track suit, and I glanced at her. "When he says jump, you _jump_ ," I noted absently. I'd switched out of my lane when the others needed a chance to practice, so I was just waiting for a free lane to open, or for a sparring partner, whichever. "Didn't even bother to ask how high."

"Stow it, brat," Professor Bitch snapped. I smirked.

"Now then," Lovro rumbled, "to be clear, the target is not here?"

Karasuma brandished his cellphone. "That's correct. He's taken a sabbatical to Everest. Not a big fan of the heat."

Lovro nodded once. "If we are to have any chance at all, secrecy is of the utmost importance." He glanced at the printout Karasuma had asked me for, earlier that morning; it was the plan Ritsu and I had worked on, with input from Nagisa and the rest of the class. "This is your plan? You neutralize the nine promised tentacles, and taking advantage of his reduced speed, the entire class joins in and finishes him off. Not bad."

Oh hey, warm fuzzies. I think that's because I just got a compliment.

"But I wonder if you could explain this business of 'psych attack'," he asked, turning the paper around and pointing to item one on the list.

I shrugged. "We have an advantage, sure, but ten percent of Mach 20 is still like, Mach 2 or something stupid fast. Since the Anti-Korosensei bullets can't travel at supersonic speeds, we needed some other debuff."

Nagisa nodded. "The idea is to throw him off guard and slow him down." When Korosensei gets flustered, his reaction speeds drop to Kazuto levels. In other words, still fast - but human. That was our best chance.

"Oh yeah," Maehara added. "He likes porn, makes no bones about where he gets it, either." There's something strangely surreal about discussing the porn habits of an octopus bioweapon. But I'm already down the rabbit hole, might as well see if I can find the Cheshire Cat. "Figure we'll use that on him. He bought our silence with a round of popsicles."

Suddenly, Maehara grinned sadistically, his eyes glowing with menace. "But it's gonna take a lot more than that to keep us from spilling!"

"Let's gang up and teach the perv a lesson he won't soon forget!" Terasaka and his group chorused, all of them looking evil.

I blinked, surprised at what they'd admitted, and then just threw my head back and groaned. Damn it, now I have to pay the idiot and anyone else that gave us information. Kana would throw a fit if I let them go and break confidentiality without paying a suitable price for the information.

"It would really get in his head if we threaten to blackmail him," Nagisa continued gamely, ignoring the shenanigans off to the side. "He'll be so freaked out by what we've got."

Lovro seemed almost a little impressed. Did he not expect us to throw everything we have at this problem? Or maybe he just didn't expect us to be so brutal about it. Well, that's what you get when you hire the Tactician. "That said," he said, and the moment was gone, "the key to a successful assassination is killing blow." ...Duh? "The difference between success and failure is timing and aim."

"Be straight with me," Karasuma said. "Are you worried the class doesn't have what it takes?" I snorted, feeling strangely offended. If they didn't have what it took to pull off that plan, I wouldn't have come up with it in the first place.

Lovro rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "No worry, not at all." That's better. "In fact, I am quite confident in them." He jerked his head over at Chiba and Hayami.

"That one's Ryunosuke Chiba," Karasuma replied. Chiba was sitting on the ground, taking aim down the scope of a sniper rifle. "Excels at spacial calculations. As a long-range sniper, I'd dare say he's second to none." Denied. Shino's better.

Hayami, on the other hand, was standing in the pistol line, taking aim at Korosensei balloons. "Then there's Rinka Hayami. Good balance, admirable dexterity. Unparalleled visual acuity." That's, um... tracking motion, I think. With the eyes. Tracking motion with the eyes. "There's no one better for taking down a moving target."

Hayami pulled her trigger twice, and Chiba squeezed his trigger once. Each of them hit their targets dead on.

"You never hear these two brag about their skills," Lovro noted. "They let the results do the talking."

I groaned. "Tell me about it. I had to figure all this sh-stuff out by watching them and actually paying attention, for once. Ugh." Then I realized that Lovro was watching me. "Um, hi. Nick Weyr, I'm the one who came up with the plan." He just kept staring. "Um... Sorry. I'll, uh, go far away and-and-and _please don't kill me_." I shrank back next to Kayano and Kanzaki. Take the gamer girl, not me!

"Yes," Lovro continued after I'd been thoroughly intimidated, "I would love to have them as students of my own." Mine! No poaching. "But if I speak the truth, I would take any in this class." _Mine!_ No poaching! "I am amazed how well their talents have grown in so short a time. There is potential here... Much of it."

Fuwa aimed down the sights of her rifle as the other students peppered a Korosensei bullseye with shots. None of the bullets hit white. With a short exhale, Fuwa fired and nailed the Korosensei cutout in the forehead. "She has learned to stabilize her aim," Lovro noted. "Some shoot best from cross-legged position. Well done."

"Wow, thanks!" Fuwa said. "That means a lot."

"You there," Lovro said, pointing to Takebayashi. "Mind how you breathe. Do not force it. Find shoot style that best suits you."

He certainly knows his stuff. Then again, he's a hitman that's retired from old age; he had to be one of the best, or he'd be dead a long time ago. I saw curiosity burning in Nagisa's eyes, and I nudged the kid. We exchanged nods, and approached Lovro. I let Nagisa stay in front. "Excuse me, Mr. Lovro, sir?" Nagisa asked.

"Hm?" Lovro's eyes fell on Nagisa and they widened fractionally. Ah, so he knows about Nagisa's talent. "Young ones?"

"I assume you know the best assassin in the world, right?" Nagisa asked him. "But what are they like?"

Lovro just studied Nagisa for a second, eyes scanning Nagisa's body. I knew that on the surface, he wouldn't find anything. That was what made Nagisa so dangerous, after all; my insanity was clear to anyone that was able to look at me and see past the act I put on, but for Nagisa he wasn't putting on an act. Or, at least, not one I'd been able to pick up on yet. "What a bizarre question. Why are you wanting to know, son?" Lovro asked.

Nagisa looked away sheepishly. "Uh... it doesn't... I was just curious."

"Ah. Well," Lovro said, "in my considered opinion, there can be no question as to who holds the rank of the world's greatest." Okay, now I'm curious.

"Of course, professional killers are a secretive lot," Lovro told us. "They are rarely known by their given name." Makes sense. "This one is no exception, save he prefers to go by a very particular nickname. The Reaper." Oh come on, this guy gets to pick his name? And it's a cool one, too.

I'm _not_ still salty about 'Diamond Tactician'. Not in the _least_.

Lovro continued, "Mysterious, illusive... Cold as ice. Trails of dead in his wake. Death incarnate. An assassin from whom no target escapes. It is said, if a killer cannot finish a job, sooner or later the Reaper will step in and do it for them." I tilted my head, watching Lovro. Someone like that exists? Scary, scary. Nagisa must have been zoning out, or lost in thought, because Lovro said, "Pay attention, young man! I will teach you a technique that works without fail," he said, pointing a finger at Nagisa.

"Works without fail?" Nagisa mumbled. A breeze kicked up, making Lovro's cloak billow in the wind. It reminded me of Kazuto.

"Indeed," Lovro rumbled. "A useful move for all occasions. A gift from an old pro."

Eyes wide, Nagisa nodded and followed Lovro off to the tree. Before they went too far, Lovro stopped and looked at me. I felt like he was staring straight through me, and my immediate instinct was to throw up shields, deflect, act like I normally did. But this time, I didn't. Instead, I took a deep breath and quieted the viper, letting it disappear for the length of the slow exhale. I wonder what he sees, looking at me when the viper is suppressed? "You, young man," he said finally. "You come as well."

"Sir," I said with a nod, feeling the viper give a little shiver of excitement at the thought of learning a new trick.

* * *

And just like that, the days ticked by until finally our assassination vacation kicked off.

Unfortunately, it didn't kick off with a bang, but namely a whimper.

My whimper.

"Urgh..." I groaned pitifully as I curled up in a little ball, trying to ignore the way my stomach threatened to rebel. "This sucks... massive donkey dick..." Thankfully, the ship had a small room I could steal, for situations just like this.

Someone knocked on my door, and I groaned out something that could reasonably be construed as granting entrance. "Hey, Nick," Yada said as she slipped in the room. "Feeling any better?"

I glared up at her and her ability to stand upright on the ship. "What do you think," I snarled weakly. "I'm at a hundred percent, clearly."

She didn't take any offense to that and instead crossed over to the bed, setting a tray down on the desk nearby. "I brought something small for you to eat," she said as she took a seat on the bed. "It'll make you feel better if you eat a little bit, but not too much."

"Mrgh," I grumbled.

Yada reached out and started rubbing small circles on my back, and I nearly melted. Whatever magic she was working, I never wanted her to stop. "It's strange," she said. "I thought you said you'd been out on the ocean before. Shouldn't you know that you get a little seasick?"

"It was a different vehicle," I sighed. Whale counts as a different vehicle, right? "I haven't been on a boat before." With a groan of irritation, I pushed myself up; Yada's magic made me feel a little bit better and I was able to get some small relief from the unrelenting nausea.

As I munched on the crackers Yada had brought me, ignoring my stomach - I needed to eat, no matter what my body told me - she looked confused. "What kind of vehicle?"

I swallowed. "Long story, don't worry about it."

She sighed and shook her head with a smile. "Fine, fine, keep it a secret. But they make medicine for motion sickness... Maybe you should take some before we leave, next time."

"Eh, I'll live. Feel like I'm dying, but I'll live. Hey, Yada?" I said as she stood up to leave. She turned around. "...You have a younger brother, right?"

Yada blinked in surprise. "I... do. Why?"

"Mm. No reason," I grinned weakly. "I am feeling better, though. I'll be out soon, okay?"

Yada smiled. "Good to hear."

As she left, I laid back down on the bed to wait for the worst of my nausea to disappear. I'd been doing research on my classmates, looking into what brought them to E Class to begin with, since knowing weak spots was just as important as knowing strengths. Most of them were simply poor grades, though there were the stranger cases, like myself, Karma, and Kayano. Karma was simply too violent and got kicked into E Class after hurting an A Class student, and Kayano and I had transferred straight to E Class from outside Kunugigaoka.

For Yada in particular, I'd noticed a sudden decline in her grades from their previous spot in about middle of the pack. After asking around quietly, it turned out that her younger brother had gotten ill, and she needed to devote time previously spent studying to taking care of him.

After the nausea disappeared, or was at ignorable levels, I stumbled out onto the deck of the ship, wincing at the harsh sunlight. "Look who finally decided to join us," Karma crowed from the railing.

"Shove it up your ass, Karma," I growled. No mood to be dealing with him right now. I still feel a little queasy. He raised his hands in smug surrender and I shot him another glare before storming off towards the front of the ship, where most of the class had gathered.

I was greeted by the limp, slimy form of a very, _very_ seasick Korosensei.

Hah. Eat it, nerd.

"Magghhhh... Bwahh..." Korosensei moaned pitifully. "A boat... Why do we have to be on a boat? Couldn't we have taken a plane? Ugh, my head feels like a washing machine..."

Korosensei Weakness Number Eight: He's prone to motion sickness.

I suppose I should pity him a little bit, since he gets hit worse than I do.

...Nah. _Suffer._

"Oh, I can see the island from here!" Kurahashi chirped, shading her eyes from the sun despite the white hat she was wearing. It _was_ a nice hat, with a pink ribbon around the brim. "Take a look, we're almost there!" she shouted, turning and slashing at Korosensei. The octopus squirmed out of the way, but just enough to dodge. I'd take a shot but I was still feeling woozy.

As she rushed over to the railing to get as close as she could, Isogai remarked, "Six whole hours from Tokyo!" I was only sick for five and a half of them. Good times.

"The perfect setting for an assassination," Maehara added.

"Okinawa!" the class shouted.

My stomach complained.

I hate life.

When we finally disembarked, I stretched out. "Oh, thank the gods my nausea debuff will disappear soon," I moaned. "I hate not being able to focus." Seriously, though, it sucks when I can't think properly. It's like the whole world is one of those fever dreams, where the logic is spurious at best and downright optional at times.

"Glad you're feeling better," Nagisa said.

"Yeah," Kayano said. "You looked really pale on the boat."

I rested my cheek against the cool tabletop, sighing in appreciation for the shade the hotel pavilion provided. "But I'm back in business now. Or, well, gimme ten minutes and I'll be back up to fighting strength."

The waiter swung by with a tray of tropical juices. "On behalf of the Fukuma Resort Hotel, welcome! We hope your stay is a pleasant one. Anyone care for some refreshments, compliments of the house?" he asked. I stared in awe at the guy's huge nose and tiny mouth. Holy shit. "Tropical juice, and I can guarantee they're delicious." His voice might have been a little bit too cheery for the low-paying job he was working, but other than that he sounded just like your regular hotel employee.

"None for me, thanks," I declined. I prefer water if I'm drinking anything, and tropical juice sounded way too sweet for me. The others declined as well, and the server nodded and walked off to ply his trade somewhere else.

Now that I was finally able to relax and focus, I let my eyes scan over the scenery. The first thing that caught my attention was the sheer opulence of it all. I mean, I was used to ridiculously pristine vistas, and incredibly precise cities; Aincrad and Alfheim were computer-generated perfection, in a manner of speaking. There wasn't such a thing as weeds or poorly-tended lawns in places that were supposed to be colonized by humans. But this place, it was as close to perfection as you could get. Sure, there were a few errors here and there - the grass seed in one spot hadn't taken, so there were a few sparse patches, and the trees weren't exactly spaced out the same distance. If I didn't know better, I could swear that this resort was created by humans.

Past the surroundings, the next most obvious thing was, of course, my classmates. I'd only ever seen most of them wearing the school uniforms or school tracksuits, even when we went to Kyoto, so it was bizarre to see the others in casual clothes. I'd chosen my usual darker clothes; a pair of thin cargo pants, comfortable enough to wear even in the summer heat, and a dark red T-shirt. I had a thin button-up shirt to throw on in the evenings, on top of my other clothes, but right now it was too warm to bother.

The others all looked nice in the clothes they'd chosen as well. At the table to my left, Kataoka was wearing a light green top with a second floral print shirt underneath, along with a pair of jeans that looked like the ones Sugu liked to wear. Yada was wearing a pretty white sundress, and Fuwa had a sleeveless hoodie. To my right, Isogai had a T-shirt with a light blue overshirt, and Maehara wore a dark blue shirt under a light blue jacket. Both of them seemed comfortable despite the second layer.

But we couldn't lay around and just relax all day; we had work to do. With a grunt, I pushed my chair back and stretched, cracking my neck and each of my knuckles one at a time. "No rest for the wicked," I said to myself. The other students were all splitting up into the groups like we'd planned; it was time for me to start working my magic. "Ritsu, where's the best place to hook you into a command center?"

"Anywhere's fine," she reported, giving me a playful salute. I glanced at her avatar on my phone, and grinned; even she'd gotten into the dressing-up spirit, with a colorful tank top and shorts. "I have a great connection already, and I'm ready to start processing whenever you are."

I nodded decisively and headed down towards the beach. Might as well get a tan while I'm working.

* * *

Of course, my plans to get some color were shot to hell by the number of civilians wandering around on the beach. Tch. I'm not exposing my chest to the world, thank you very much, and a farmer's tan just seemed unappealing if I had other options.

"Team one, status update?" I queried Ritsu while going over all the pre-assassination steps that needed to be completed. Just like preparing for a boss fight, only with much less personal activity involved.

Ritsu nodded and the image of the students popped up. Kurahashi, Kimura, Yada, Mimura, Okano, and the bash brothers Isogai and Maehara were the students involved in this group, and they were providing distraction for the others to get to work at the moment. "They're currently hang-gliding while trying to kill Korosensei," Ritsu told me, a small feed from one of the cellphones appearing. Unfortunately, the camera was pointed down, so all I saw was either the ocean or just blurs of motion. After a second, it disappeared. "The target seems distracted - he is moving at approximately a hundred-fifty kilometers per hour, judging by my calculations."

I shook my head. "Honestly, how has the world not discovered him yet?" I snorted. Well, that's the current distraction teams. "And our sabotage teams?"

"The group consisting of Sugino, Karma, Nagisa, Nakamura, and Kayano have just entered the water," Ritsu told me. I wouldn't be able to get any images of the underwater actions, but I was certain they'd manage to get everything done and get changed before Korosensei finished hang-gliding. "The others are searching the mountains still, but no luck."

It was a simple shell game, really. We kept Korosensei's attention on the shells - the distraction teams - while the rest of our classmates performed different roles and removed the pea from the table before shooting Korosensei in the face. Right now, Nagisa's group was handling the last bit of preparation that had to be done after Korosensei went exploring; in my planning, I'd attempted to as much done ahead of time as I possibly could, but Korosensei would have time to look around before we started distracting him, so everything had to be set up during the shell game itself. I also still needed to make small adjustments for environment and other variations I couldn't possibly know ahead of time.

After Korosensei finished up with Group One, he went to the next distraction team, Group Four. This one was Fuwa, Kanzaki, Hara, and Okuda, and they'd be taking a boat out to watch dolphins. I got a sudden text message from Kanzaki, letting me know that Korosensei tanned incredibly easily, and I frowned. I think I can use that, maybe. We'll see.

After that, he went to go tour caves on the other side of the island with Group Three, Terasaka's circle. At the same time, I received a notification from Chiba and Hayami's group that they'd chosen their spot on the mountain. They'd been tasked with finding a decent spot for sniping, ensuring that it had a good vantage point on the spot that Group Two had chosen. They were reliable, and I knew this was within their capabilities, so I left it to them.

That left me with... actually, everything I could do for now was done. Plan was updated with the environmental variables, fortunately only requiring a few changes to the peeling phase, and the tentative addition needed some more investigation before I could justify adding it in. Ritsu was busy running simulation after simulation, putting her adaptive AI to good use in figuring out exactly where each of us should stand and fire, so I couldn't even get some intelligent conversation to keep my mind occupied.

I stretched and, for the first time in about two or three hours, looked around. Blinking with surprise, I realized that nobody else was on the beach. "Where'd everyone else go?" I asked out loud. Well, no sense wasting this opportunity. I stripped off my shirt and shivered as the sun finally hit my skin for the first time. "Gonna get some sun, heck yeah."

"Really?" Professor Bitch complained from behind me, and I glanced back. "Ugh, damn it. For the love of all that's holy, it's a beach! Where'd all the hot guys go?" Holy shit was her swimsuit even legal? I'm pretty sure she had everything important covered, though those pieces of string were definitely straining. It was very revealing, and I think I know why she wanted the hot guys to be here.

"The last of the guests skipped out fifteen minutes ago," Karasuma said as he walked onto the beach. A vein in Professor Bitch's forehead twitched and she glared at him. "This whole site's been reserved for E Class shenanigans only."

I grinned. "Our shenanigans shall be legendary. They shall be sung by the bards throughout the land for the rest of time."

"They get an entire beach to themselves?!" Professor Bitch snapped. "I didn't squeeze into this outfit to get ogled by the busboy!"

Karasuma ignored her ranting and glanced at me. "Do you have a plan for me?"

I nodded and went back over to my stuff. It was nice of them to ignore my scar without saying anything. Then again, they've probably seen worse in their line of work. Without saying anything, I handed the latest copy of the assassination plan to Karasuma and watched as he studied it carefully. "It's not a hundred percent complete, but we're running out of time," I said. "Ritsu's still calculating right now, but we'll have an answer before dinner."

"This is your most ambitious assassination plot yet," he said. "Hard to believe it's going so well."

I shrugged. "What can I say, E Class is good at what they do. And my plans have yet to fail me."

Before Karasuma could reply, Professor Bitch slung her arms around his neck and started poking at his cheek. "Would it kill you to ditch work mode?" she asked plaintively. "Come on, there's a gorgeous babe right in front of you!"

After a second of careful consideration, I took a step to the side.

Karasuma straightened up, folding the printout and putting it in his pockets. "Hello..." Professor Bitch called, still looking needy. Without a word, Karasuma turned and scooped her off her feet.

"Oh my," I murmured with a hidden smile as Karasuma walked forward. "How... romantic?"

"Oh hey," Professor Bitch stammered. "Look at you, taking charge. This setting really brings out those primal urges-"

That was when he heaved and chucked her into the water. Sometimes it's hard to dislike Karasuma.

"You asshole!" Professor Bitch shrieked.

"Hey. I have a question for you," Karasuma said to her, gesturing for me to approach with a nod of his head. I padded up to his side. "You've had more than your fair share of field experience, right? How often does an assassination plan work perfectly?"

Professor Bitch looked at him, then closed her eyes. When she opened them again, her usual playfulness had disappeared. Rolling over, she laid down in the water and floated in place. "It's pretty rare," she admitted. "If you're asking for my professional opinion," she said, "let me just tell you. What you kids have in mind is far too complicated not to go tits-up somewhere down the line. All in all, it's not a bad plan, I'll give you that much," she said, looking up at me. "Hell, I'm not just here to work on my tan, am I? I'm gunnin' for my share of the spoils. "When things go south, and they will, I'll be there, waiting to take the kill shot."

"And they say there's no such thing as honor among thieves," I murmured quietly. As obnoxious as it was, I couldn't say they were wrong. This _was_ a complicated plan, on par with some of the gimmickier boss fights in Aincrad. It all should work out; I was experienced in planning out fights, and that should mostly translate to planning out the assassination. It was just that while we could stack as many debuffs as possible, our only chance to deal damage was the first instant of the attack, and if we weren't able to kill the boss before it finished becoming aware of our presence we'd lose.

* * *

Eventually, everyone was done with their preparations, and we'd all gathered on the beach to prepare for dinner on the cruise liner. "Whoo!" Korosensei laughed. "What fun, eh?" The class just kinda stared at him, nonplussed. "Sun, surf, sand, and more sun."

We were all staring at him because he was burnt to a black crisp. Like, literally, his skin had turned black. Even his smile had gotten extra crispy. "What's with the tan?!" the class shouted.

"How is it even your teeth have a tan?" Kimura asked in horrified fascination.

"So much for being able to gauge your expression," Okano sighed.

Isogai grinned confidently. "Have fun while you can, sir," he said, "'cause after dinner it's on."

"Ah, yes!" Korosensei exclaimed, throwing his hand tentacles in the air. "The shipboard restaurant. I'm famished!"

"You'd think he'd be worn out by now," Muramatsu said, watching as our teacher wandered away.

Terasaka grumbled, "I'm worn out... How much longer we gotta do this? Can't we just kill him already?"

"Nah, be patient," Yoshida said. "We'll knock him tonight, _then_ throw in for some real R &R."

"So epic!" Muramatsu said, clenching a fist. "Everything's set up! There's no way we don't got this in the bag!"

Well, here we go. Time to kick things off.

First step: the restaurant onboard the ship. "This is gonna suck," I grumbled, pressing a cool water bottle to my head. Thank the gods I didn't have to do this part of the plan, because once the nausea hit I was going to be basically useless. In the meantime, I was busy scarfing down as much food as I could, since I wouldn't want to eat anything later.

"Neat, huh?" Isogai said as he approached Korosensei's table and offered a goblet of water. "We rented out the whole restaurant, just for us! We can enjoy the ocean air and eat our dinner in private."

"Can we, indeed," Korosensei said. "Somehow, I get the sneaking suspicion you're trying to get me seasick."

Isogai smiled. "That's a fair assumption," he said. "Weakening the target is assassination 101."

"Nue-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed. "Well played, my boy. But is your gambit as infallible as all that? Seasick or not, a target expecting an attempt on his life isn't likely to take it sitting down..." He swirled the water in the glass.

"You look like a bowling ball," some of the girls in the class complained.

"...It's the sunburn, isn't it," Korosensei said in a sheepish voice.

"Forget your expression," Nakamura said, "we can't even tell the front from the back!"

Kataoka sighed, "Can you do something about it? It's freaking me out."

Korosensei laughed and wiggled his tentacles. "Oh, of course! I can do plenty!" I paused, a shrimp pierced on my fork and halfway to my mouth. "Have you children forgotten perhaps my quirkiest quirk? I can _molt_!" he announced, disappearing for an instant before landing back in his seat, skin yellow as it always was. "There we go," he said childishly, "all better."

"Um," Fuwa asked, "can't you only do that once a month?"

"Or, strictly speaking," Korosensei said, holding up his blackened skin, "whenever the occasion warrants. But I rely on it sparingly, as the energy consumed -"

He stopped, dead silent. I just heaved a sigh, shook my head, and took a bite. While I'm ashamed that it worked, step one down. He burned easily, so it had just been a matter of having Group Five take him on a hunt for pretty shells on the beach until he was completely black. Y'know, I'd expected it to just be a small decrease in overall mobility, what with the crispy outer layer.

"Heh..." Korosensei laughed nervously.

I hadn't expected... that. "GAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed in sudden panic.

" _Seriously?_ " Sugaya murmured as we stared on in blank shock. "Of all the times to put himself at a disadvantage, he picks now?"

"Sort of makes you wonder why we haven't been able to kill him before," Kataoka said.

What an idiot. Well, gotta finish eating before my stomach starts mounting a rebellion against my inner ear. Everyone dug in to their dinner with a gusto; Yada and Kataoka were sure to ply him with rich food while playing the charming hostesses, since food like that would probably increase the effects of motion sickness. Oblivious, Korosensei chowed down. "You must try some," he declared through a mouthful. "Absolute heaven!"

There couldn't be any mistakes. There was some wiggle room in the plan, but this was Korosensei. If we were even a hair off, he might escape.

By the time dinner was over, sunset had finished and night had fallen. "Mrrghrgh," Korosensei moaned, leaning against a walking stick and shuddering. He'd fallen victim to his seasickness. Fortunately, I had been prepared and approached the hotel staff for pills I'd taken right before heading on board; I didn't like relying on medicine for much, but this was too important to have me incapacitated even a little bit.

"Hope you got the most out of dinner," Maehara taunted the ill teacher. "May turn out to have been your last."

"Get a load of the spot we picked out," Sugaya said, pointing. "It's a floating chapel! Nice and far from the hotel." It was a wooden structure out on the water, supported only by the logs leading down into the water. It was well lit, but looked a little rickety; understandable, since the Ministry of Defense only had a few weeks to get everything prepared for us. Well, no matter. We just had to keep Korosensei inside.

We assembled inside the chapel, preparing for combat. We were all there, the highest-scoring students in the class with a claim on the tentacles. Me, Okuda, Isogai, Nakamura, and the quartet. Okuda seemed nervous, but Terasaka cracked his knuckles and the others in his group laughed menacingly. There were other students present too, but the eight of us were the important ones.

"C'mon, it's alright," Okajima said from the front of the chapel, where he was standing with Mimura by the TV. "Take a seat, relax!"

"Might as well," Isogai said. "There's nowhere for you to run, now."

Mimura held up the TV remote. "This'll be fun."

Okajima grinned. "Whaddaya say we start things off with a little pre-show flick?"

"I dare say," Korosensei said, grinning widely, "things are about to get more than a wee bit interesting. That's right, let that inventive nature shine through. Show your teacher a classroom of true assassins!" he declared, spreading his arms wide.

Game on.

* * *

 **And we kick things off.**

 **Let's see… From the top, we have yet another Kunudon clip. I always love getting to write those, since they're always so cheerful and abusive. It amuses me, what can I say? The cheerful children shouting horrible, horrible things sells it, I think.**

 **Moving on, Nick is interacting with the others in E Class a little bit more. That was the main point of the shopping scene, more than anything. After all, Nick is both taken and ace, so he doesn't care about anything happening in front of him in the slightest. How it ended up like that? The girls invited Kayano to go with them, and Kayano brought up the idea of having a male opinion. Maehara was floated around, but Okano said no and Kayano suggested Nick might be good since he has a girlfriend. None of the others objected. So, Nick got dragged along.**

 **The Kana interlude was the second half of the first one; they were originally the same interlude, but I split them up because I wanted Kana's first bit to be in the earlier chapter. This was the best time to finish it off, so yay. They've figured out where Nick and Kazuto are, at any rate! Hooray. Kana's exhausted, and she's (I guess?) not as used to it as Nick is, so she collapsed. I wanted to have her shift back to a more teasing manner, but there's just not enough to work with. I mean, they still don't know what's going on with the guys, so of course they're still worried. (Also remember – Kana and Shino's views on Nick are very skewed. Take their opinions on him with a grain of salt) (also nick definitely told din to be as formal as possible when delivering the message to kana, since he's a dork.)**

 **Moving on, Nick has finally met Lovro face to face. I originally intended for Nick to automatically use the viper to subconsciously attack Lovro, only to have Lovro intimidate him right back and effortlessly too, but that got put to the side by having Nick just** _ **know**_ **not to fuck with the guy.**

 **From there, we move on to the Okinawa setting. Yes, Nick and the other students are wearing regular not-school uniform clothes; Nick doesn't care much about clothes or appearances, so he doesn't take much note of it beyond the difference and quick glances. Also of note: Nick is just kinda sitting back and acting as mission control with Ritsu, letting the others do their thing. Fun fact: I originally didn't plan on giving Nick seasickness, but then I decided to make him suffer a little bit. Before anyone asks, the difference between the whale and the boat is big enough that Nick got sick on the latter but not the former. (Also the former is in Alfheim.)**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	19. Action Time

**Chapter 19: Action Time**

* * *

I grinned, a familiar tension in my abdomen making my stomach muscles clench. This was just like every time we stood in front of a boss door.

Game on.

"Okie-dokie," Korosensei said genially, grinning widely. "What fiendish assassination ploy did you have in mind?"

Isogai grinned easily - much more easily than I could - and idly gestured towards the TV in the front of the wooden hut. "First off," he said, "we'd like you to enjoy this little video Mimura put together." The guy in question smiled awkwardly and raised a remote.

"Then the high rollers will cash in on those nine tentacles," Isogai continued. I patted the holster of my twin pistols, one on each thigh, and shifted back, comforted by their presence. I reached up and started gnawing at my thumbnail as I glanced around; Terasaka and his group were smug and ready to fire, while Okuda showed the tension plainly. Nakamura just seemed unflappable as ever. "When you're incapacitated, that'll be the signal for everyone else to join. Whatcha think, Korosensei? Work for you?"

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed. "Splendidly," he said, his fingers wiggling.

"We appreciate you bustin' your butt on this," Sugaya said to Mimura, casually laying a hand on the orange-haired boy's shoulder.

"Ah, thanks, man," Mimura said. "It really came down to the wire, there. I had to work on the final edit during dinner." Oh yeah, I guess I didn't see him or Okajima at dinner. They must have been doing this the whole time.

But... missing dinner? Eating was one of the few activities I, well, actively enjoyed. I couldn't fathom missing it, even for something this important.

I saw Korosensei looking around the little hut, giving it the once-over, and I grinned around my thumbnail. Go ahead and search, bossman, but you're not gonna find any escape routes. See, Korosensei's biggest asset in terms of his speed is his ability to maneuver; so I needed to limit that as much as possible. First step: remote location. This hut was already isolated by design, so perfect. It was also surrounded by seawater aside from the bridge leading up to it, which limited his possible directions of movement. That, coupled with treating the walls and window with Anti-Korosensei material, would lead him to one decision: he'd need to dodge the attacks within the premises.

"Um, sir?" Nagisa said, stepping forward. Korosensei looked at him. "I'm gonna have to pat you down." Is... Does phrasing apply there? I don't know these things, but it's better than the time I tried to call phrasing and made a complete idiot of myself. "Sorry about this," Nagisa said as he was patting Korosensei down, "but we need to make sure you don't have a swimsuit. That'd put a damper on our plan."

"So cautious," Korosensei said genially. "Admirable, but you needn't worry." Oh yes, and I'm sure that Br'er Fox needn't worry about throwing Br'er Rabbit into the briar patch. I'm _not_ taking the risk of him smuggling something in to ruin this careful plan.

Well, Korosensei's being cooperative so far, which is making this flow smoothly like clockwork. I suppose I'm grateful.

Still, even with all this he'll be able to dodge anything we throw at him.

After Nagisa finished the check, Korosensei took a seat up close and centered in front of the television. Good acoustics, there - I'd checked. "Well, children," he said, "shall we begin?" His face darkened slightly as he smirked. "Don't hold back! Come at me with everything you've got!"

"That was the plan," I said casually as I folded my arms across my chest. I could afford to be relaxed now; we had a pre-fight movie to catch.

"Right, what'd you say, guys? Let's get to it," Okajima said before flicking the light switch and killing the lights.

For an instant I was on guard; before our eyes adjusted Korosensei could move, and I'd have to try to anticipate that. But the octopus didn't move, staring at the test pattern on the TV screen, and I relaxed an instant later as the TV started playing E Class's first movie.

It was pretty impressive, too, for a student production. The logo flashed on screen - AC, for Assassination Classroom - before being relegated to the bottom left corner as the background came into focus. "Somewhere in Tokyo," Mimura's voice said, "Kunugigaoka Junior High, Class 3-E." I'd taken a seat in the back, so I could watch, but also so I could keep an eye on the people leaving the hut. "An average classroom - except for the teacher. Who is, in fact, a target."

As the narration kept going, I turned to watch the entrance to the door. The students in the back, the ones standing, kept shifting. It was to hide the class's comings and goings from Korosensei; after all, we'd all been present for the dinner and I didn't want him noticing where people were going.

I had no doubt he could pick out the individuals with his sense of smell, of course, but after spending so long in the sea air our scents should be blended a little bit with the ocean. I stood up to stretch my legs and glanced out in the direction of the shore. That's the location Hayami and Chiba had chosen after all, and I followed the phantom path of their bullets down the wooden bridge and straight into the back of Korosensei's head. They were our top snipers, so if they couldn't pull this off...

"This video is exceptionally slick," Korosensei said, and I glanced at the feature film. "You were editor _and_ narrator, Mimura? Well done. Professional-grade camera work, compelling score... the viewer is utterly sucked in!"

I turned my attention as the intro seemed to have finished. "Thanks for tuning in," TV Mimura said, standing in E Class's main room along with Okajima and Maehara. On the blackboard behind them was a chalk doodle of Korosensei, labeled as today's target. "Joining us today are two recon specialists, with very intriguing intel." Maehara and Okajima both nodded. "We'll hear what they have to tell us after this brief public service announcement."

The screen faded to black.

And then I wished it would have stayed that way as it faded back in to reveal Korosensei kneeling on a pile of porno magazines, bright pink. For some unfathomable reason, he was wearing a costume of a dragonfly on his head. "When you're a confirmed porn addict," Mimura's narration said as the screen identified the 'figure' as Korosensei, age unknown, "bribery is no guarantee against a scandal."

Fuck me about the whole bribery thing, too. I needed to pay for two popsicles each - and between Okajima, Maehara, Sugino, Nagisa, and Kurahashi, that was a lot of popsicles. They'd looked at me weird when I insisted, but accepted that it was a personal thing.

"Gyaaaa!" Korosensei shrieked in abject horror. "I GAVE YOU POPSICLES!"

I growled under my breath. _I know._

"Our subject's preferred guilty pleasure," Mimura continued narrating as our Korosensei blushed and tried to stammer out some form of denial, "is the middle-aged executive. The sheer size of his cube-farm cuties magazine collection is mind-blowing."

"Blast it, Okajima!" Korosensei shrieked. "What is this? We had an understanding!" The class just laughed.

The scene had changed again to show a line of somewhat uneasy-looking ladies, all looking over their shoulders. "At a recent women-only cake buffet, a questionable attendee loomed. Eyewitness reports suggest..." The massive woman in question, the one they were all staring at, turned to face the camera - and guess who it was. "You guessed it." On screen, the Korosensei in drag was insisting that 'her' name was Koroko, even while the irate waiter tried to drag him out of line. "Hardly a master of disguise, we're still not sure how they exposed him without realizing he isn't human."

He should have brought tequila. I've heard that works.

Korosensei was sitting in shame, trying desperately to hide his face with his tentacles. "Wow, I've gotta hand it to you," Hazama snickered. "Ironically, it takes balls to pull off an outfit like that."

"Between paychecks," the narration continued, "the porn addict defrauds the public to secure complimentary tissues." The poor guy handing out the free samples was confronted by a line of Korosenseis, each clone dressed in a weirder costume than the last. I think I saw the same baseball guy in line twice. "What does he do with them? The answer might surprise you."

It cut to Korosensei using the school burner and wok to deep fry the battered tissue packets. "He fries them. That's right, fries them. As if this poor, wretched educator's dignity weren't already suspect. And that's not all."

"Gah!" Korosensei shrieked, staring at the TV in horror.

"To plumb the depths of this creature's depravity, we've prepared a full hour of shocking footage." Huh. An hour. Hot damn, maybe those two popsicles were a good investment after all.

"There's a whole _hour_ of this dreck?!" Korosensei shrieked, vibrating in place.

* * *

At the end, I checked the time, and it really was a whole hour, gods damn. That's impressive, in the 'train wreck flying towards an orphanage and making a perfect circle in the air as it goes' kind of way. Horrifying, and possibly gory at the end of it, but still impressive.

There's a joke in there about how nothing of value was lost in either case, but I feel that's below even me.

"No point in killing me, class," Korosensei rasped, all shriveled up and utterly defeated. "I'm already dead. Emotionally, intellectually, socially, dead."

I just smiled, cracking my back. I'd gotten a good twenty-minute nap in; like Kazuto always taught, get a nap when you can so that you can fight at full strength when necessary.

"Brutal, right?" the dissonantly cheerful narrator asked. The screen was showing a blood-red background with 'The End' scribbled on it. "Don't worry, we won't _actually_ show this to the principal. But you've gotta admit, it held your attention. Notice anything strange while you were watching? Like, about the venue?"

Rolling my eyes, I glanced at Mimura. He grinned sheepishly, and I shrugged in response. I can understand the urge to taunt him; and besides, it _was_ under my orders.

"Neh?" Korosensei mumbled as he seemed to realize exactly what was going on. Namely, the inch or two of water that had steadily covered the floor, his skin absorbing it while he watched and suffered through the hour-long expose. "What the?" he gasped, rising to his feet. "I couldn't possibly have missed you flooding the place! Unless..."

I grinned as it clicked for him. "High tide!" he exclaimed.

Chuckling, I rose to my feet with the rest of the tentacles claimers. Korosensei jerked in shock, his head whipping back and forth. "Weird," Terasaka drawled. "It's like someone trimmed down the support pylons."

"Seasick, shamed, and waterlogged," Nakamura taunted. "This just isn't shaping up to be your day. Everything's conspired to slow you down."

"And," I added, "your tentacles seem extra bloated for some reason. As if the entire floor has been coated in a special powdered chemical that mixes with water and makes your body even more unwieldy. Huh. How about that." I'm just glad Karasuma had managed to procure some of that stuff Shiro used. It was effective.

I drew my pistols and leveled them at the tentacles I'd chosen; the others did the same.

Step one: psychological attack. Korosensei may be fast, yes, but when he gets thrown off his game his reaction times drop down to Kazuto speeds. Seasickness, along with the blow to his dignity that was Mimura's film and the chemically-treated water weighing him down even further... He'd been distracted by the film and now he was scrambling to figure out what else he'd missed. Step one complete, with the added unexpected bonus of him wasting energy molting.

Now, on to step two.

"Right," Terasaka barked, "time to party, Teach. Now, you made a promise - so don't go backin' out!"

I saw Korosensei looking at us, keeping his side turned towards the entrance to the hut - and towards the spot Hayami and Chiba had set up. Hm...

Our phones chirped as Ritsu took over timing operations. Dressed in an orange swimsuit, she said, "Commence operation... NOW!"

The timer started.

We each pulled the triggers on our weapons, blasting off the tentacles with squelching sounds. Korosensei grunted in pain at each bullet's impact.

"Time elapsed: five seconds," Ritsu announced. Excellent... It felt longer than that, but that was the adrenaline kicking in and expanding time for me.

I moved past Korosensei towards the edge of the hut, taking care to kick the bench he'd been sitting on towards the exit to block it. It wouldn't hurt to have one extra block in his way, and it removed a possible obstruction for firing.

I heard a low roar of motors outside.

I started to aim at him with a pistol, the other one in its holster. Two pistols were useful until one ran out of ammo, at which point it was a paperweight without a third arm to reload with. Korosensei didn't seem all that worried, even with eight gun barrels aimed at him.

That was when the walls of the hut cracked for a heartbeat and then shattered into millions of tiny pieces, falling apart as the four student-driven speedboats pulled it apart with the ropes attached to the outside.

"Yipe!" Korosensei yelped in surprise as he was suddenly exposed.

 _Hell_ yes.

"Time elapsed, thirty-five seconds," Ritsu reported.

Good. Sudden change of environment, forcing him to re-evaluate all of his avoidance strategies from the beginning, combined with the ninety percent slowdown of the lost tentacles, should freeze him in place with confusion.

We'd removed his cage, though. As soon as he got his bearings, he'd escape.

Which is why the second cage emerged from the water.

The other students, the ones not standing on the platform or riding the motorboats or acting as snipers, rose from the water. Each one was riding one of the water-based flyboards. They rose up to the top, where they linked arms and formed a cage of water.

"Flyboards?!" Korosensei exclaimed, swiveling in confusion. "A hydraulic cage?!"

Second cage complete.

"Yeah, that's right!" Nagisa shouted. "We know a change of environment throws you!"

"First you're in a chapel, now you're in a cage!" Sugino shouted.

"If you're confused, good!" Maehara added. "'Cause we'll take anything that slows your reaction time!"

"See, it's like this, Korosensei," I said tightly, standing deceptively relaxed. "If you don't know where you are..."

"Fifty-three seconds," Ritsu announced. Time to get started.

"...You don't know where you can run!" I screamed joyfully, my voice tearing low on the last few words. The other students ran to their designated positions, moving around and scrambling to further disorient our teacher.

Suddenly, Ritsu's main box emerged from the water, her guns deploying with the satisfying 'chunk' of heavy artillery. "Commencing tactical volley in five... four... three... two... one... Fire!" she commanded, her voice bloodthirsty. The eight of us opened fire with our pistols and rifles.

But we weren't aiming at him. We were aiming _around_ him.

"Careful, guys!" Isogai shouted. "Shoot around him, keep him planted!"

While we aimed at where he was, he could dodge it. If we aimed where he _could_ be, he couldn't avoid because as fast as he was, he still had to cross the intervening distance between point A and B. It wasn't teleportation.

The problem with Korosensei was, aside from his learning capabilities, was that he moves too fast for us to catch him. So, the obvious solution - make it so there's nowhere for him to go.

"Everybody aim to the left or right by about a meter!" Ritsu called out.

"Block his escape with a hail of bullets!" Terasaka crowed.

I did that, firing around him and reloading every time the chamber clicked empty.

If he couldn't move, he couldn't avoid sniper fire even if he knew where it was coming from.

"Wait for it..." Nakamura grinned.

But what if the sniper fire wasn't coming from where he thought it was?

I saw the glimmers in the water behind Korosensei of light shining from two scopes. Our killshots, courtesy of Chiba and Hayami.

They'd taken their clothes up to the shore and set up decoys, specifically to throw Korosensei in the wrong direction. If he had a guard against attacks from the north, we needed to attack from the south. As an added bonus, he'd been so focused on the movements of students being used to hide Chiba and Hayami's absence that he missed everyone _else_ 's absence as they set up the hydraulic cage.

"And... that's game over!" Ritsu said with a wink as her timer reached one minute.

Checkmate.

A bright light shined out from where Korosensei had been standing, the colors of the world distorting in ways that shouldn't have been possible. There was frozen silence for a heartbeat as nothing moved.

For a second, I thought I heard Korosensei's panicked voice saying, "Oh my! Well played!"

And then my world exploded in a crash of lightning and thunder.

* * *

The blast wave sent everyone flying with a cry of shock, and I wasn't any different. I was aware enough to exhale in a gasp before my back hit the water, so the wind wasn't knocked out of me. The choppy waters disoriented me for a second until I got my bearings and kicked for the surface.

My head broke the surface of the water and I gasped for air, shaking my head to get my hair out of my face. Ugh, my hair's getting longer... Maybe I should get the length reset sooner rather than later. Eh, I'd do it after the trip. Keeping balance in the ocean was harder than it looked, thanks to the ripples coming out from Korosensei's detonation, and I was glad I'd kept my glasses in my pants pocket rather than wear them.

Need to find confirmation that he's dead, I need to see that my plan worked.

But it felt right, like this attempt had been different. It had been executed according to my _plan_ , so it would have to work, right? My plans hadn't failed me before.

"Don't let your guard down! It's still possible for him to regenerate!" Karasuma shouted as he raced down the pier towards us, Professor Bitch keeping close despite her fancy evening dress. "Right, Isogai! You and Kataoka, go! Keep an eye out for the target!"

"Yes sir!" they chorused, starting to move with strong strokes.

The water was shallow enough for me to stand with my shoulders barely breaking the water, and I glanced around to find the others doing the same. A few of them still had their pistols out, just in case, which was laudable. Until we got the notification, we needed to be prepared for the boss to come back.

"Hey, look over there!" Kayano shouted, pointing. I whipped my head in the direction she was marking.

Bubbles. In the ocean, like the kind you'd see from someone exhaling underwater. What's going on?

"What is that?" Sugino asked.

"I dunno," Sugaya replied.

As the number of bubbles grew, I gritted my teeth and drew my own gun and aimed at the spot. It couldn't be. My plan worked. It did, I _know_ it did.

Something surged from beneath the water, something round with two gleaming eyes.

"Hee hee!" Korosensei giggled as he burst from the water.

What the fuck?

It was Korosensei's head, but that... that was it. It was just his head. A tiny head, surrounded by a clear shell of some material or other.

No way. ...No way... It didn't work. It... I failed? My plan failed.

I realized I was clenching my teeth hard enough for my jaw to start hurting, and I tried to relax.

 _FUCK!_

I snarled, swiping at the water beside me irritably.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed as he bobbed in the water. "Allow me to introduce my trump card of trump cards! My Absolute Defense Form!"

"Absolute Defense Form?!" the class chorused, nonplussed.

"This exterior coating is comprised of nano-matrices made of surplus energy," Korosensei lectured.

Oh this is just BULLSHIT! I'd failed because of some ability I had no way of knowing? What the hell!

"In essence," the octopus continued, "my body shrinks down to the size you see now, and the compressed molecules create a high-density protective shell around me. Why 'Absolute'? Because it's absolutely invincible!"

"So basically," Yada said, "what you're saying is as long as you're like this, there's pretty much nothing we can do."

"Don't fret, my dears," Korosensei said. "It doesn't last long. The crystals comprising the shell tend to lose integrity in about a day or so. Once the bond breaks down, the shell will expand back into its normal energy form and yours truly will return to full size.

"This form is extraordinarily useful! But the trade-off is complete motionless for the duration. I can't propel myself an inch."

I turned and started wading for the pier, scowling. I didn't give a rat's ass. That was our best shot, and it went south because of something so stupid. How the hells was I supposed to know and work around that? Fuck.

I was soaking wet, tired, and angry. I don't care what's going on now, so long as I can fix two of those things before any more time has passed.

"This itself carries its own risk. Imagine if I was placed on a desk as a paperweight, and someone cleaning the desk thought it didn't belong. 'Ah! Mom! Where did my thing go?' the boy would exclaim, pointing at the missing paperweight, and the mother would reply, 'It was hideous! I threw it away.'" What the fuck does this have to do with anything? "In fact, said immobility would provide anyone so inclined the perfect opportunity for launching me into space, something I rather dread.

"I've done ample research into that, however," Korosensei said. "Happily, nowhere on this planet has a rocket capable of making that flight in twenty-four hours."

Every muscle in my body convulsively clenched for an instant before I relaxed again. Bastard. _Bastard._ I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. Everything, I'd thrown _everything_ at him, every weakness we knew about the octopus, and I still failed.

I need to break something.

Behind me, I heard Terasaka growl in irritation. "That's crap!" he shouted, and I glared off to the side out of the corner of my eye. Surprisingly, he wasn't looking at me, but instead directing his surly glare at Korosensei. "Nothing is invincible if you just whack it hard enough!" He hefted a wrench.

Enough of this, I'm out.

I hoisted myself out of the water, passing Karma as I went. He was standing high and dry on the pier, looking at me. I glared at him, feeling the weight of his smug superiority, and didn't look back again.

Behind me, I heard Terasaka banging against Korosensei's outer shell. Useless, useless, useless, _useless._

I _need_ to break something.

Fortunately, some poor enterprising child had been pulled away from the sandcastle they had been building, and as I was walking back to where I'd stashed a change of clothes, I clenched a fist and slammed a punch into the sand. It sprayed everywhere, and I let out a furious growl of anger before kicking at it.

 _Why?!_ Why had I failed? Because I'm a moron, obviously, but I couldn't have known that Korosensei could cheat.

Idiot. You should have expected it, though.

With another vengeful stomp at the ruins of the sandcastle, I let out a tired breath, feeling my shoulders relax. I feel a little bit better after demolishing something, I guess. My temper will be thin for tonight and tomorrow, but if I know that, things should be under control. "Ritsu," I said. She appeared on my screen, looking a little glum. "I need a favor."

After putting on a new grey shirt and a new pair of black cargo pants - off to the side, where nobody could see me - I stalked back over to the edge of the pier. Impressively, Terasaka was still banging away at Korosensei's shell. "You're wasting your time!" Korosensei laughed, whistling absently. "A nuclear blast wouldn't leave so much as a scratch."

"Oh, I see," Karma drawled. "Well, I guess that's it, we're out of options." He waved a finger at Terasaka and the big guy obliged, tossing Korosensei over to Karma. I raised an eyebrow as the red-haired devil raised his phone up to Korosensei.

When Korosensei screamed in mortified horror, I glanced at the picture. Naturally, it was Korosensei sitting on the porn magazines. "You monster!" Korosensei shrieked as Karma put him down on the pier, propping the phone up right in front of him with a rock. "I can't bury my face in my hands in this form!"

"Oh, sorry about that," Karma said. "Let's see if there's a way to help you out, then."

He put a sea slug on Korosensei's shell.

"This sea slug do anything?"

Judging by Korosensei's horrified scream, I'm guessing not.

Karma stood up, holding Korosensei. "Anyone know where I can find a creepy old beach bum?" he called out. "I'm going to shove Korosensei down his pants!"

Somehow, Korosensei's shrieks and pleas for someone to come save him made me feel better. I think that taking that form around a bunch of kids might not have been his best move, especially around Karma.

"Alright, that's enough," Karasuma said, taking Korosensei from Karma's hand. "Class dismissed. For this one, I think we'll let HQ decide the best course of action," he said as he placed Korosensei in a plastic bag for easy carrying.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed. "Your superiors will opt to toss me in a pool of Anti-Me liquid, I'm sure. Good luck with that. The energy displacement would explode as it did earlier. Everything in the vicinity would be blown sky high! Including your superiors."

Karasuma glared at Korosensei, a muscle under his eye twitching.

"But you should be proud, boys and girls," Korosensei continued. "Entire armies the world over couldn't get as close to killing me as you've done tonight. This was by _far_ the cleverest assassination attempt I've ever encountered."

Stop it. Stop praising me when I failed. I'm an idiot, you don't need to make it less than it is.

Everyone else seemed upset by our failure as well. Karma is the only one that seemed relatively normal, and for once he read the mood. The walk back to the cabin was silent as everyone trudged along, lost in their thoughts.

I don't want to even think about trying to kill Korosensei until he's out of that stupid form of his.

I need sleep.

We returned to the hotel veranda, and I sat at the table with others, nursing a glass of orange juice. The sugar would help, I think. That's why I was down here instead of sulking in my room, alone. Besides, what good would sulking do? It wasn't useful, no matter how much I wanted to.

What else could I do, though? I'd failed. I'd leveraged everything I could, pulled in every weakness I could find, and still _nothing_. My plan hadn't even left a scratch.

Even when we'd been forced to retreat from the boss rooms in Aincrad, which had happened a few times, it hadn't been like this. There, the plan had worked; it just needed to be revised and modified. Here, that was it. There was no more plan. I couldn't revise something that would never work again.

I'd had every possible advantage and I threw it all away.

Gods _damn_ it all.

My grip tightened on the glass, and I forced myself to relax. I didn't want to crush it and spend an hour digging shards out of my palm.

Everyone around me seemed just as wiped out, drained by how close we were and yet how far we had to go. I gnawed at my thumb as I looked around. A few of the students hung their heads, while others gave up and just rested their foreheads on the table. Karma was the odd duck out, like _always_ , leaning back with a straw in his mouth.

"I feel like I could sleep for a month," Maehara mumbled. I glanced over, then turned to actually take a second, closer look. His cheeks were flushed, and I think he was sweating.

"I vote we head back up to our rooms and crash," Mimura said, his face buried in his arms. What little I could see of the back of his neck was red, too. "I'm too tired to do anything."

What?

"You're just gonna quit?" Terasaka demanded, turning around in his seat. "Call it a night? We did what we're supposed to, what more do ya want? Granted, the octopus is still kickin', but we're on a primo vacation either way." The dumbass has a point.

Okajima rose from his seat, making hand binoculars. "Truth, man," he said. "I'm gonna spend all day tomorrow ogling gorgeous babes." Disgusting. My lip twitched, and I nibbled at the joint of my thumb. "Give me a few hours in the sack and ladies, here I come!"

Maehara sighed. "It's all I can do to keep my head up."

At my table, Nagisa was laughing at the antics of the others, but Karma and I were still silent. I don't know what Karma was doing, but I was looking at the other students. Something seemed off. It wasn't just Maehara and Mimura, too; a bunch of students were drooping or all but completely unconscious. Okajima was chanting about boobs in the corner, but his face was flushed; other than that, a bunch of students were just... splayed out. It wasn't like they were exhausted, or just sulking from my failure. It was more like they were trying to move as little as possible, not even breathing.

Nagisa's face turned concerned, and I guessed he noticed it too. As he stood up, he bumped shoulders with Nakamura. Her face was flushed, too, and I frowned. "Hey, do me a favor?" she whispered weakly. "Can I lean on you for a second? I feel kinda..."

She collapsed to the side. I'd already started moving as soon as she started talking - Nakamura and weak were never two things that should be related - and managed to catch her limp body before she hit the ground. "Oh no, Nakamura!" Nagisa gasped.

Nakamura's head lolled to the side and she cracked open an eye. "Oh wow, awkward, sorry," she whispered. "I just wanted to go to the room. Looks like my body had other ideas, huh?"

Sighing, I helped her over to my vacant seat. "You're not well," I said bluntly. Her body was like a furnace against my side.

"Thinking about all the hotties is makin' my nose bleed," Okajima bragged. I frowned, irritated, and looked over at the idiot. This was hardly the time, since Nakamura was sick and craaaaap his nose actually _was_ bleeding. "That's new," he breathed. "Ggh."

"Okajima!" Nagisa gasped as the perv's nose spurted blood.

Around us, more than half of the students collapsed from their seats.

At the clatter of seats, the rest of us that were healthy tried to check on the affected students. "What's happening?" Karasuma demanded, rushing in from the other room. I glanced over - Nagisa and Kayano were fussing over Nakamura - and shrugged helplessly _(like I always was)_. He turned to the waitress who had been standing by and said, "Call an ambulance, stat! This is an emergency!"

"It'll take them a while to get here," she answered. "And the nearest ER is on the mainland."

"That seems like an oversight," I gritted.

As the girl ran off to go talk to her supervisor, a phone started ringing. Karasuma pulled out his phone and looked at it, scowling, before answering the phone. "Tap us in," I said to Ritsu, and she nodded. Instantly, my phone displayed a notification that audio was playing. "Trace the connection, if you can." Ritsu nodded and closed her eyes.

"Hey, teacher man," an unnaturally deep voice said. Great. A voice changer. What's Darth Wannabe want? "I'd say your students are in a bad way right about now."

...Alright, he's going to pay for this.

"And who is this?" Karasuma demanded, his eyes widening in shock for only a second.

"Take it easy, friend," Deep Throat said. "There's no need for you to know who I am. Just know your squad of snot-nosed punks are the only ones to finally hit their mark."

"You're telling me _you're_ responsible for making them sick?" Karasuma asked grimly. I gnawed at my thumb.

Deep Throat laughed. "Heh-heh! You're good," he said. "But they're a hell of a lot more than sick. Their bodies are hosting a lab-manufactured virus." I looked around; we had more students down than up, at this point. Several were trembling in pain, despite the attending students' best attempts to keep the ill ones comfortable. "Incubation period and symptoms vary, but the end result is the same. After about a week, cells rupture and vital organs become jelly."

I gritted my teeth around my thumbnail. This is bad. "The only known antidote is also lab-made," Deep Throat continued. "Lucky for you, I'm its sole possessor. Trouble is, I'm lazy," he said. Karasuma gestured to us silently, and Nagisa, Kayano and I rushed over.

As we showed him the map, our location pinged on the beach and the source of the call pinged. Trouble was, it was in a location over on the opposite side of the island. "There's a hotel on top of this island's highest peak. Bring me your precious cargo and we'll chat." We all looked at Korosensei. "Top floor, within the hour. No tricks. And because you seem like the sort of man I wouldn't want to tangle with," Deep Throat said, "send proxies. Two students, the shortest boy and shortest girl. Out of whoever's still standing, of course."

I glanced at Nagisa. He glanced at me. I put a hand on his head and then brought it towards me. He reached my forehead.

Sweet.

If I went, I'd just fuck that up too.

"There's a concierge desk across from the elevators, have them go there," Deep Throat commanded. Karasuma was trembling, the muscles beneath his eyes twitching. "If all goes well, you'll have the antidote, I'll have the bounty. Now, this should go without saying, but contact outside help or show up late, and boom. The antidote goes bye-bye. The infected die."

How would he know. How did he know that the students just now fell sick? How would he know if Karasuma called for help? I turned in place, scanning the environment with only my eyes. When I saw it, I carefully didn't react, pretending I was just looking at my sick classmates.

Security cameras. He had to be tapped in to the hotel's security cameras somehow.

"Hey, you guys were fantastic," Deep Throat said. His 'praise' made my stomach burn. "With the target immobilized, the hard part's done. I can't thank you enough. Lady Luck is definitely smiling down on our cause."

With a click, he hung up.

"Luck is a fickle bitch," I snarled softly. "And when you call on her by name, she abandons you. We'll see how long her smile lingers over you."

Karasuma stared at the beeping phone.

Then with a massive _crash_ he slammed Korosensei onto the table and glowered at nothing, gritting his teeth and trembling with rage. Korosensei was saying something, but I was too busy throttling my own anger back.

Fuck it.

I snarled and grabbed one of the empty glasses, gripping it tightly. This _bastard_ is attacking _my_ classmates. They're _mine_ and nobody will touch them.

I wanted to turn and throw the glass. I wanted to scream, shout, and vent my rage. I trembled, muscles demanding I act, before my shoulders slumped and I let go. Gods damn it all. I wanted to smash _everything_ around me, but I couldn't. I had to restrain myself.

Now that we knew what was wrong couldn't be helped, our only option was to try to ease their suffering. Blankets were brought out and the infected students covered up, to make them comfortable on the hard veranda floor. There was nothing I could do. "Mr. Karasuma!" Karasuma's aide said, entering the room and jogging over to him. "I'm afraid they're not cooperating. Even when we play the government card, the hotel owners maintain they have the right to protect their guest's identity."

"Tch," I clicked my tongue in irritation. Well, it was a long shot anyway. If the bastard was thorough enough to use a voice changer and hack into the security system, I doubted he'd be stupid enough to get caught up by a simple trick like that. Still, smart people had made idiotic mistakes before - I should know, since I've made more than my fair share of them - and so the possibility had to be examined.

"Naturally," Karasuma growled.

"Intolerable!" Korosensei declared from his perch on the table.

"But not surprising," Karasuma answered, turning to face us. "The resort our mystery man chose is a known site for all manner of illegal operations."

"Remote, shady history, it bears all the trappings of an ideal rendezvous point," Professor Bitch pointed out.

"Can't you pressure them?" I asked. "Obstruction of justice, something like that?"

Karasuma shook his head. "The owners have connections with higher-ups in the government," he said. "Law enforcement knows to leave it alone."

"Tch."

Karma sighed. "So basically, there's no way of knowing who the prick is before meeting him."

"Argh!" Yoshida exclaimed. He was on edge, but that was understandable given that both Muramatsu and Hazama had been affected. "Are we really gonna take this psycho's word for it? If he's bullshitting us about the antidote, we're all gonna die!"

"Calm down, dude," Hara said weakly from where she was resting. "It's fine. We came here to be killers, not... victims, remember? Look how far we've come, we'll figure this out."

"Right, yeah," Yoshida said, his shoulders slumping. "I'll try to stay positive."

"No way we just do what the asshole tells us to do," Terasaka said.

I glanced his way. "What's wrong? Tired of just rolling over and begging like a whipped dog whenever someone gives you the order?" I sniped waspishly.

"Don't be a dick," he snapped at me. "I mean, come on, use the runts as a proxy? Send these two shrimps in to close the deal," he barked, lightly banging on Nagisa and Kayano's heads, "and we might as well lie down and die right now!"

Heh.

"Okay, that was rude," he said when Nagisa grumbled under his breath. "I'm sorry, I was just pissed off that someone's got us by the balls. And my friend's lives are in danger? Forget about it!"

"We're _so_ gonna die," Hazama said. Muramatsu laughed.

Terasaka slammed his hand down on the table, Korosensei bouncing in the air for a second from the force. "I vote we ignore what the jackass tells us to do," he said, clenching a fist. "Let's get everyone to the hospital and forget this happened!"

"Bad idea," Takebayashi said. He adjusted his glasses. "If we are, in fact, dealing with a man-made virus, a hospital would be a waste of time. Not even the most state-of-the-art ERs are equipped to handle this. There's no way for them to treat everyone. We'd be dead before they figured out what we have."

"Seriously?" Terasaka asked.

"I vote we focus on easing the symptoms for now," Takebayashi said as he filled plastic bags with ice before placing them on Hazama and Muramatsu's foreheads. "You'd better start heading toward the rendezvous point."

The fight seemed to drain out of Terasaka. "That's the only way, huh?" he asked. "Come on, smart guy!" he turned on me. "You're the genius here. Can't you figure out something for us to do?"

"Oh yeah, because my _last_ plan went _so_ well," I snapped back. "If I hadn't fucked up, we wouldn't be in this situation right now, okay? And because clearly I am a moron, I can't seem to figure out what happened and we're running out of time, which does not help my inability to think well under pressure," I said in a smooth unbroken stream of words.

Sugino coughed. "You're not a moron, Nick," he said hoarsely. "This sort of thing happens to everyone -"

"I am joking," I said tightly and precisely, gnawing at my thumbnail. No I'm not. "Self-deprecation, flippant dismissal of a situation through sarcasm and irreverence, and extreme violence are kinda my coping mechanisms _if you hadn't noticed_."

"O-oh."

But it was true. If my plan had gone better, if I'd somehow made a contingency for whatever the Absolute Defense Form was, Korosensei would be dead and there'd be no ransom. If we hadn't done it at all, Korosensei could probably move and then we'd have a chance.

Fuck!

"At the end of the day, this is all happening because of you," Karasuma told Korosensei.

"Gotta wonder if these kids will be willing to surrender their quarry so easily," Professor Bitch said.

Bitch, please. Like hell we are.

Damn, damn, damn. We only have an hour? Better work fast.

Time seemed to slow down as my mind raced.

Let's see. Situation. We – the students of E Class – have been poisoned by an unknown entity. The responsible party involved contacted us and claimed that the virus was man-made. Ten of the twenty-seven students with a mobile physical body have been infected.

Requirements. We require the antidote to the virus. To get the antidote, the responsible party has offered a trade for Korosensei. If we attempt to call for help, or send students other than Nagisa and Kayano as our agents, the responsible party will destroy the antidote.

Assets. We have ten infected students. That leaves seventeen students capable of acting. Assume that... two... should be sufficient to care for the ten, which leaves fifteen agents free to act. Students are trained in assassination techniques to varying degrees of skill, as well as general mobility talents and infiltration. Student count does not include friendly artificial intelligence, capable of infiltrating and commanding electronic networks. Other assets include possible assistance from professionals such as Karasuma, Irina, and Korosensei.

Ways to get the antidote. One option is to simply go through with the trade. Hand over Korosensei and retrieve the antidote. Outcome: the responsible party wins, receiving the bounty on Korosensei's head, assuming he has a method of killing him; we win, healing the sick students. Tch. Unacceptable. The responsible party cannot win.

Another option, I need another option... We can't make the trade, but we can't not get the antidote, so how can we - wait. "What if we stole it?" I asked myself out loud.

"Oh?" Korosensei said. "Do you have an idea, Nick?"

"I might," I said, tapping my thumbnail against my teeth. "I think... I don't know, but we might be able to get out of this without losing anything."

His grin widened. "I see. Why don't you come over here and we'll discuss this plan of yours?"

Shrugging, I obeyed.

Just as we were finishing up the discussion, hashing out the rough outline, Nagisa's phone beeped, and he pulled it out to take a look. "Korosensei?" Ritsu asked. What was she wearing? It was some orange jumpsuit, I think. If it's a reference, I don't get it. "Everything is ready, sir!" She winked.

"Excellent. Ritsu's finished the prep work I asked her to do," Korosensei said. "If the healthy students would step closer, please. Be sure you're wearing something you don't mind getting dirty!"

I glanced at my grey shirt and black cargo pants, and shrugged. Whatever. Works for me. I was more interested in the fact that Korosensei apparently knew I was going to figure this out, and asked Ritsu to do some prep work, whatever that entailed.

Scary.

In fifteen minutes we were in three black vans, pulling up to the base of the mountain the hotel rested on. "So high!" Kimura breathed, staring up at the cliff. Well, to be fair, the thing was pretty much a sheer cliff about... I'm guessing here, but _really fucking high_ meters tall. I could barely see the hotel peeking out over the top of the cliff.

"I've successfully infiltrated their network," Ritsu said cheerfully. Hopefully that included the lower-level security cameras like I asked. "These are the proprietary architectural schematics of the premises, complete with guard post locations."

"Lay on, Macduff," I said absently, still staring at the fuckhuge cliff. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

No. This was my fault, so I had to fix it. Even if that meant I did everything by myself.

"The highest concentration of security staff is stationed in and around the main entrance," Ritsu reported as the building schematics seemed to build themselves from the ground up. Her virtual software is pretty impressive. "For it's functionally impossible to enter without passing by the front desk. However, there is an alternate point of entry along the building's side, just at the top of this ledge." She smiled sweetly.

Yeah, because she's not gonna be the one climbing the damn thing.

Ritsu continued, "The terrain doesn't allow easy access, so the security, while present, isn't as strong." No kidding, it doesn't allow easy access. I came up with this sneaking in idea and I'm already regretting it. If I'd known it involved this, I'd have just said screw it and send in the kids.

"You don't want the madman to have his way, do you?" Korosensei asked us. We looked over to where Karasuma was holding him in a plastic bag. "Courage, children. Ten of your classmates are ill. Two others have been left behind to care for them. That leaves _you_ to operate on their behalf. Nick?"

"Alright, folks," I said, nodding and stepping forward.

"The game plan is simple. We sneak in, surprise the dingus that thought he could get away with this, and steal the antidote. In, out, and done under an hour." I looked around. "So who's in?"

* * *

 **Another unfortunately short chapter. There's really not that much to talk about in this one: They took their shot, they screwed up. Nick got a chance to get mad about it, and he somehow managed to avoid exploding, no matter how tense he actually is at the moment.**

 **So the plan to kill Korosensei should have worked, honestly. It was pretty good, if a little complicated (though that's Nick's whole thing, complicated plans that somehow work out, so whatever). Still, Nick blames himself for its failure. It's actually a huge part of Nick's character, that – he demands perfection of everything, but if anything goes wrong he just assumes it's his fault. But as for why he shut down so hard, it's mentioned in the story, but this is the first time one of his plans failed entirely. (That's why he threw the tantrum, even if it wasn't the most mature way of dealing with the frustration. Not that, uh, not that he's developed healthy mechanisms of dealing with frustration. Because he hasn't, beyond 'hurt something so I stop hurting'.)**

 **Fun fact: we didn't get to see this because it didn't involve Nick, but Chiba and Hayami blame** _ **themselves**_ **for failing to make the killshot. If Chiba had fired half a second sooner, or Hayami's bullet half a centimeter more on target, there were even odds Korosensei would have been dead before he could react. Ritsu confirmed that by recording the assassination attempt and analyzing the video. They choked, plain and simple. The footing wasn't the problem, the shot wasn't the problem, they just froze under the pressure.**

 **Moving right along, Nick's not doing anything about the infiltrated security cameras because the best thing to know is where the opponent's spies are. If he removed the cameras – broke them, had Ritsu shut the enemy out, etc. – then another spy would show up and he wouldn't know where that one was. Besides, eliminating the eyes might be a quick way to destroying the antidote, and he's (subconsciously) not willing to take that risk.**

 **As for the reason the chapter's short, it was really only two and a half scenes; the assassination attempt and subsequent failure, the hotel veranda and getting sick, and the brief moment at the base of the mountain. (I think I've been spoiling you people with long chapters.) It didn't help that half the time was spent in combat, so not too much inner monologue, and the other half was spent with Nick** _ **incredibly**_ **pissed off… and so not doing too much inner monologue.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Mini-Omake #1: The Ride Over**

"Hey, Nick?" Yada said to me as we rode in the government-standard black vans.

"Mm?"

"I thought you'd be depressed," she said curiously, staring at me. "Y'know, about your assassination plan failing. But you look okay right now."

"Oh, I'm incredibly depressed," I said casually. "I'm just busy repressing the hell out of it right now. Give it oh, a few hours or so, and I'm pretty sure I'll be curled in a little ball of woe once I stop distracting myself and this little situation has been resolved." My smile was firm and probably just a little bit too wide.

She stared at me in either horror or confusion, I'm not sure which. "That's... great... I'm just gonna sit over here and look out the window..."

"You have problems," Isogai told me bluntly. Nagisa was staring too, face blank.

I sighed. "Tell me something I _don't_ already know."

 **Maybe canon. Probably, in fact.**

 **Mini-Omake #2: The Bank Account**

"Hey, quick question," Kana asked me, plopping her head in my lap.

I glanced at the page number of my book and closed it. "What's up?"

"Why don't ya have Din and Yui playin' the stock market? 'M pretty sure they'd be able to make a killin'," she said, blinking a few times as she started to get excited about the subject. "They could predict market trends with Din's research and Yui's profiling, and - why are ya grinnin' like that?"

I just chuckled and patted her head. "What do you think I've been doing?" I asked her. Her eyes went wide. "You didn't think we could afford all this stuff even with both of our salaries, did you?" I asked rhetorically, looking around. Our computers, made of the best parts - Kazuto assured me of that - on the market, the gleaming engagement ring on Kana's left ring finger, and the high-quality sparring room I could see through the doorway off to the side. Real hardwood floors and floor-to-ceiling mirrors on one wall coupled with large windows on the other wall for natural light, along with a good stock of sparring bags, weights, kendo equipment, and first aid supplies for the inevitable injuries.

Half the time I lived in that room, honestly. Sugu practically drooled over it every time she visited, which, since she had a standing invitation for dinner (all of my family members did, though really only the Kirigaya siblings, Asuna, and Shino exercised the right), was fairly often.

Kana blinked in thought before wrinkling her nose at me. I just grinned innocently at the mousy woman. "Not fair," she said finally, and (to her credit) only a little bit petulantly. "How're ya doin' it? And more importantly, how are ya gettin' away with it?"

"Subtlety," I told her, booping her nose with my finger. "They've been manipulating the market since we graduated from high school. Nothing major or that would make the watchdogs get up in arms-" seriously, I did some research before implementing my plan and _wow_ they don't like people doing this, "-and to do that I've asked them to just slowly build up our accounts slowly but surely."

"Wait, _our_?"

"Of course," I said with a tilt of my head. "It would be suspicious if only one person benefitted, so I set up accounts for everyone in my family. So, you, me, and everyone from Aincrad and Alfheim, basically. Even Klein and Agil. This way it looks like all of us are just using the same, very talented, broker."

Kana just stared, mouth hanging open a bit. I thought she looked cute.

"Um... congratulations, you're a multi-millionaire?" I said in a deadpan.

"...I love ya so much, you know that, right?"

 **Probably not canon, but definitely something Nick would do if he survives all these VR shenanigans. Takes place in the future, after they graduate from college.**

 **Mini-Omake #3: The Dream**

Nick looked up and smiled at me. "Hey, catling, what're you doing here?"

I tilted my head and just smiled at him. "I wanted to see you, of course."

"Oh yeah?" He rose to his feet and approached me, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight. It felt nice. "Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did, you idiot," I sniffed, burying my face in his chest. "What would I do if you disappeared?"

Without letting go of me, he tilted my head up so that our eyes met. He has such wonderful grey eyes, like clouds just before the sun breaks through... "You'll never have to find out," he whispered. "Because I'll never leave you, ever."

He leaned in, and I closed my eyes, and our lips me-

"Gah!" Shino bolted upright, eyes wide and heart pounding. Her bedsheets had gotten tangled and were wrapped around her. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was and what was going on.

But when she did, she immediately blushed bright red. "I don't think of him like that! I don't! It was just a dream!" she muttered, rolling over and ignoring that little voice that whispered that it was a _nice_ dream. "Uggghhhhh." She adamantly refused to think of her big brother like that. Nick was her brother, no matter how many flips her stomach did every time his eyes shone with worry at the slightest hint she might be upset, or how he'd silently step in to help her when she needed it without her saying a word, or how on occasion she wondered how his lips -

Shino rolled over and buried her face in her pillow before letting out a muffled scream.

 **Because poor Shino. Might be canon, I haven't decided yet. Probably? She's chasing after both of the boys, unfortunately for her.**


	20. Pandemonium Time

**Chapter 20: Pandemonium Time**

* * *

Success had been within reach. I just had to put together the last piece and the puzzle would be solved.

That was when everything shattered. Korosensei revealed the complete bullshit that was his Absolute Defense Form. And to make things worse, our class was poisoned. The culprit demanded Korosensei be given to him in exchange for the antidote.

Naturally, that wasn't going to fly. But since Korosensei was immobile, the only option was to take matters into our own hands.

"Alright, folks," I said, nodding and stepping forward. "The game plan is simple. We sneak in, surprise the dingus that thought he could get away with this, and steal the antidote. In, out, and done under an hour. So who's in?"

Silence answered me. The fourteen students looked at me without saying anything. I couldn't blame them for being nervous, really. After all, my last plan worked out _so_ well, didn't it?

Gritting my teeth, I accepted the loss of faith and turned to stare up at the hotel peeking out over the top of the cliff. The crescent moon shone bright, giving us a good source of light. At the very top of that hotel was the antidote.

This was my fault. So I had to fix it.

I'd go in, even if I had to go in alone.

"It's too dangerous," Karasuma said. "Whoever the hell this guy is, he's a pro. This scenario's been planned down to the last detail."

"Perhaps," Korosensei replied, "the wisest course of action would be to simply hand me over, is that it? Unconditional surrender? The choice is yours." The last bit was aimed towards all of us.

Fuck _that_. I _take_ what I want, I don't beg for it.

"It's just..." Yada said, "so hard."

"I mean, look how high we have to climb," Sugaya pointed out.

Professor Bitch turned to Karasuma. "Ten to one they plummet to their deaths before getting halfway up." I considered trying to take her up on the bet; after all, good odds for me, and if I lost, well, it wasn't like I was going to have to pay up anyway.

Karasuma closed his eyes and hung his head. "It's not worth the risk. We'll play by the enemy's rules. Nagisa, Kayano, be on your guard."

That was when Isogai and Okano looked at each other, nodded, and then nodded to me. Without a word, they launched themselves at the cliff and started swarming up the sheer face. "C'mon," Isogai called out, slightly breathlessly, as he pulled himself up effortlessly. "What are we scared of? It's just a ledge. No big."

The other students followed his lead, some of the students moving up the cliff remarkably fast. "I know, right?" Okano laughed. "What have we been training for?"

I just shook my head. Insane, suicidal idiots, all of them.

I mean, I was right behind Karma and Nagisa, so I guess that applied to me, too. It was easy to find spots to hold me, and the cliff face was craggy enough that it was all but impossible to find myself at a dead end.

"Truth," Hayami grunted. She was a little bit ahead of me, next to Chiba.

Down on the ground, Korosensei was laughing his head... He was laughing. Because all he was, was a head. He couldn't exactly laugh his head off. And why am I thinking about this while climbing a sheer cliff on autopilot?

...Whatever. I'm just glad that flying around in Alfheim killed what was left of my fear of heights. Vertigo would be a bitch right now.

"Oh yeah," Isogai grinned as he reached a particularly stable ledge and stood there, glancing down at the rest of us. "See? We can handle this. But whoever's waiting at the top may be a different story. So hey, Mr. K?" he called. "It'd be cool if you came with. We need a commander." He glanced at me as he said that, but I just shrugged. I was too busy hoisting myself up on to the small rocky outcropping alongside Yada. Besides, I knew I wasn't a commander, just a tactician. I could come up with the plans, but I always left it to the others to execute them.

"Help us make this bastard pay!" Terasaka shouted, clenching a fist. "Show him what it means to mess with E Class!"

"Look at that," Korosensei said, and Karasuma lifted the plastic bag to stare at him. "Clearly, these are no ordinary teenagers. You have a sixteen-member special forces unit at your beck and call."

Professor Bitch said, "But I only count fifteen."

"Probably because you didn't count me!" Ritsu said cheerfully. I glanced at the phone screen and frowned. She was wearing an orange jumpsuit with a red ribbon tied around the waist. I feel like I should know the reference - it was vaguely familiar - but at this point Sugu had made me watch so many shows with her that they were all starting to blend together.

Plus, I was usually reading and only half paying attention, to her constant irritation.

"Quickly, my friend," Korosensei said to Karasuma, smirking. "Time is of the essence."

Karasuma stared at Korosensei before closing his eyes in thought. I raised an eyebrow curiously. What would your answer be, Karasuma? Call us back, or accept the nomination?

He stepped forward. "Alright, listen up!" he barked, and I grinned. "When we reach the summit, our objective is the hotel's top floor! This is a stealth infiltration, so our best weapon is the element of surprise. I want you to use the same hand signals and link-ups we've been drilling in P.E. The only difference here is who we're targeting. You've got three minutes to memorize the map! Know the terrain! We commence in five."

I laughed darkly as the other students raised their fists in the air. "Yes sir!" we all shouted.

Now, time to memorize the map.

We were given three minutes to memorize the map; I had it committed to memory in two. It was easy when I could just close my eyes and visualize the layout; it would be even easier after we were walking through it and I could link a mental image to the locations.

In five minutes, it was go time. Time remaining until the deadline for the exchange: fifty minutes.

Let's do this.

Okano swarmed up the side of the cliff, using her natural athleticism to good use. "Last one up's a rotten egg!" she called, laughing.

"Oh man," Kimura groaned. "Okano moves like a mountain goat."

"Yeah," Isogai agreed. "She smokes just about everybody at this stuff."

I just shrugged on my way past the two of them. "I don't have a problem keeping up with her," I said.

"That's because you're, like, crazy when it comes to climbing and acrobatics," Kimura accused me. "Us normal kids have to work at it, you know."

I just blinked at him. What part of E Class was normal, again? And besides, the only reason I did so well was because of constant practice moving my body in Alfheim and Aincrad. Even if the physics here were a hundred percent realistic unlike those two worlds, it was still several hours of practice.

"I'm gonna say this knowing it's perfectly obvious," Kimura said, looking down at the lower climbers, "but being the only one who can move looks like it sucks."

"Aaaagh! You idiot!" Professor Bitch shrieked from her position on Karasuma's back, arms locked around his neck. I felt a little bad for Karasuma. "I swear on my life, if you drop me...!" On his wrist, Korosensei dangled in the plastic bag, giggling.

Poor guy. Sucks to be him and not me.

"Well, see you all later," I said, turning to keep scrambling up the mountain. "Gotta catch up to Okano."

Let nobody say that E Class couldn't climb a cliff. Karasuma made us scale the one out back, and while it _was_ doing wonders for our sense of balance, I sometimes wished for my Cait Sith wings. It was just so much simpler to fly up instead of climbing.

Hells, this entire situation could be resolved by flying up to the top of the mountain and kicking Deep Throat in the teeth.

"Rahh!" Professor Bitch screamed again. "Holy crap on a spoon, will you ladies stop gabbing already?" That's, rather, uh, somewhat of a non-sequitur.

"So, uh, remind me why Miss Bitch felt she needed to come along?" Chiba asked.

"She hates being left out," Kataoka said. "Character flaw."

What happened to this being a stealth mission, anyway? I can hear Professor Bitch's racket from up here.

"Hmph!" Terasaka snorted. "I wouldn't mind her so much if she wasn't such a boat anchor."

"Karma, wait!" Nagisa called out. "Slow down!"

"If you hadn't noticed," the red-head kid called back, "we're kinda on a timer, here." He didn't really pause and just kept climbing.

"Yeah, you're right," Nagisa said. "Alright, let's do it!" He started climbing with renewed enthusiasm.

"Sharp rocks, careful!" Karma called out to Kayano. I glanced down, seeing that she'd almost grabbed on to one that I'd passed earlier. It was almost audibly sharp.

Kayano sighed in relief. "That was almost ugly."

"Ugh!" Professor Bitch shrieked again. "Don't even act like I weigh all that much! I'm a feather!"

I glanced at Okano. We were both sitting on one of the upper ledges, feet dangling over the cliff. We only had a little bit further to go, so we could afford to wait for the others. "Our class is loud," I observed.

"We're having fun," she pointed out.

"Mm."

"Speaking of fun, we should go one on one soon," she said. "I'm working on a few things, and want to try them out."

I shrugged. "Okay." I'd been training with Karasuma, but there was a difference between sparring with one of my classmates and getting my shit wrecked by the agent. Namely, one usually ended with me feeling immense amounts of pain.

"Rah, work them guns!" Professor Bitch told Karasuma.

I just shook my head. "I think we've let them catch up enough, don't you?"

She grinned at me before turning and clambering up the mountain.

I followed her swiftly.

Before more than five minutes had passed, everyone had scaled the cliff and crouched behind the railing that more or less marked off the line between the edge of the cliff and the hotel's area. As soon as we crossed the railing, we'd be in enemy territory, not that getting spotted here would be any better.

"Ritsu," Karasuma said as Nagisa finally pulled himself over the ledge and joined the rest of us, "I want you to run a final check on our infiltration route."

"Right!" the cosplaying girl saluted. "Displaying interior map now."

We split up into small groups so that we could each see the map without clustering around too many phones; I ended up watching over Sugaya's shoulder on his phone. The wireframe exterior of the building was removed as Ritsu started displaying the route she'd calculated we should take.

"Analyzing data," Ritsu said as the yellow arrow marking our route started working through the building. "All elevators require a unique passcode for every floor," she said as the line started snaking through the hallways, taking the stairs. "Stairs are the less conspicuous option, but there's a catch. Access doors are arranged at odd angles respective to each other across respective foyers, and the stairs themselves cover a lot of ground. We risk detection at several points."

"Cool, it's kinda like a TV station," Chiba mentioned idly.

Kayano looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, I hear they make the layout confusing on purpose," he said. "It's a precaution against terrorists."

"Ah!" Kayano squealed. "I learned something today."

Man, fuck whoever designed this thing. They're jerks.

Sugaya grinned. "Ironic bad guys love this sort of place as a rendezvous point," he said.

"It allows for choke points to be set up for security measures, as well as funnel combatants towards a kill zone. If this hotel were to be attacked, any VIPs could retreat to the upper floors and simply wait out the attack with strategically placed mines and explosives. In addition, any infiltrators such as ourselves would be forced to pass through more areas, increasing the likelihood of detection like Ritsu mentioned."

Everyone looked at me. "What?" I asked defensively.

"You seem to know a lot about stuff like that," Fuwa told me. "It's like you have an encyclopedia of random facts memorized or something."

I shrugged. "My sister is pretty big into the war games scene." True. Shino adores tactical stuff like that, and I've picked up a few tidbits here and there.

Kimura frowned curiously. "Is this the sister that has a cat, or the sister that does kendo?"

"Neither. Shino is the one that's a good shot."

He rolled his eyes. "How many sisters do you have, anyway?"

"Honestly? Probably more than I should, since none of them are my _actual_ family." Not that I'd trade them in for anything in the world. Even if they did make my life more difficult than it had to be, sometimes. Besides, it's not like they were my blood relatives. Just family that I'd chosen for myself.

"Side door locked," Ritsu reported. "One moment." Sure enough, after a moment had passed I heard the electronic lock beep a few times before hearing the heavy metallic _chunk_ of a magnetic lock disengaging.

"Let's move," Karasuma said, opening the door and pausing briefly before waving us forward. "There's not much time."

"Yes sir," Isogai said, hurrying across the parking lot with the rest of us following close behind him.

The first snag in our infiltration mission popped up at the very beginning. "Why the hell do they have so many damn security guards?" Karasuma asked himself, peering into the main lobby on the ground floor. Peeking around the corner, I could see at least four different men in black suits patrolling the area. There was no way we were getting past without at least one of them seeing us.

"That's a lot of guys for all of us to sneak past," Nagisa said.

How do we get everyone across? My eyes sketched across the open area, and I frowned. No matter what, at least one guard had eyes on each entrance at all times. There was no way for us to get by as a group, it'd be too suspicious. Especially if these people were waiting for school children, seeing a group of school children would definitely raise some red flags. Send us through one at a time? No, that wastes too much time, as well as increases vulnerability before and after.

Crap.

Well, if we can't sneak through because the guards are too vigilant, maybe we could - "Come on, people, what are we waiting for?" Professor Bitch said archly. "Let's just do it!"

The class stared at her in shock. "Do you even comprehend the situation we're in?" Sugaya hissed.

"There's too many of us," Kimura said, "we -" Professor Bitch just ignored their complaints and strode forward. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but as long as it didn't screw us up I didn't really care all that much. "Are you out of your mind?!"

Professor Bitch placed a hand on Karasuma's shoulder before leaning in to examine the room for herself. After a second, she smirked. "Watch and learn, sweethearts," she said, tossing her hair expertly as she strode into the room, hips swaying.

This can only end poorly.

"Gulp," Korosensei gulped.

I watched as Professor Bitch adopted a loose stagger halfway to the group of black suits, acting for all the world like she was drunk. Swaying back and forth a little, she bumped straight into one of the men with a tiny giggle. "Oh! Sorry," she gasped breathily, brushing her hair out of her face. "Blame the mini bar in my room," she giggled.

The suit she'd chosen just blushed and gave a rictus-like grin. None of them were lookers to begin with, unless you went for the gorilla in a suit look, but this just made it worse. You know, how sometimes in shows the girl looks super plain until she smiles, and then it turns out she's beautiful all along? It's, like, the exact opposite of that.

"Oh, uh, think nothing of it, ma'am. No harm done." If this had been Silica out there, she could have put a knife in his ribs before he finished the first sentence. These people aren't too bright, are they?

"Is that... That's the piano I'm performing on next week!" Professor... Irina chirped. "I came early to do the whole tourist thing."

"Wonder if she's any good," one of the other suits murmured to one of his buddies.

"Hey," he replied, "she can tickle _my_ ivories anytime."

I just hung my head and sighed. While it's nice to have a war buddy to banter with, don't let your second head distract you...

Smirking to herself, Irina walked over to the piano and sat down. "Mind if I play a few bars?" she asked. "Let's see if this baby's in tune. It'll help me sober up." She glanced over her shoulder. "You boys... have nothing against a little Chopin, right?"

"W-well... I-I'll check with the front desk, but I-" one of the suits stammered, starting to walk off before Irina grabbed his arm.

"Oh no, they don't care!" she insisted. "Come on, help me out! It'll be a private concert. I'd _love_ some audience feedback." Christ, how stupid were these mooks? ...I think I just answered my own question.

"Us? Feedback?" his brown-haired mook buddy said.

Irina smiled. "Sure. You work hard. You deserve a chance to play critic. Help a lady hone her... technique."

Oh for fuck's sake, Irina. I get you're a seductress, but don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick?

She began playing the piano, fingers dancing over the keys, and instantly the guards were smitten. As I watched, the entire focus of their attention went straight to Irina. The beautiful music filled the air as Irina performed, and I listened with pleasure, letting the music flow through me and wash away a little bit of the tension I'd been hiding. "Woah," Sugaya mumbled.

"Oh wow, she can really play," Kimura gasped.

"Ah, the _fantasie impromptu_ ," Korosensei declared. "That, boys and girls, is an assassin with multiple blades. She charms, she bewitches, she fills the air with sweet music that captures the imagination." Irina's captured the mooks' something, alright, but I don't exactly think it's their imagination. "Every ear is seduced! Every eye is riveted."

"What's wrong?" Irina asked, stopping suddenly. I frowned until I realized there were two more guards off to the side that hadn't come over to watch despite being entranced. To make things worse, their gaze fell straight on where we needed to cross. "Could it be you're a teensy bit shy? Move in closer so you can see my fingering."

Mother _fucker_. "You utter bitch," I laughed reluctantly.

As the last of the guards crossed over to the piano, Irina started giving us a few hand signs. 'I just bought you your twenty minutes. Get moving.'

Well, it won't be said that I gave up an opening. Without looking back, I crossed the doorway and headed for the stairwell access.

With her day to day actions, it's hard to remember sometimes that Irina is a professional assassin in her own right. Maybe I should try a little harder.

...Still gonna call her Professor Bitch, though.

"We made it past the first checkpoint!" Kayano cheered quietly as we all loitered in the stairwell. It had a nice carpet, and I toyed with it idly as I sat on the step.

"Man, Miss Bitch has some talent!" Sugaya nodded approvingly. "Who'd've thunk it with those dragon claws of hers?"

"Well, she never mentioned being able to play," Isogai said.

Karasuma looked at us. "Let this be a lesson to you not to judge a book by its cover," he said. "There's a lot more to a good assassin than meets the eye. Sure, she's crass and overbearing," he said. "But your Language Arts teacher also happens to be one of the most dangerous women in the world."

I guess it made sense; she was picked to be the octopus's assassin, after all. Despite my views on the government's routine levels of incompetence, I knew that they had _some_ standards. Just not many. Otherwise Kikuoka wouldn't have a job.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh," Korosensei laughed. "See, class? Even when I have none, you're in good hands."

I groaned at the terrible wordplay, though the others seemed to find it funny.

"Let's go," Nagisa said. Sighing, I pushed myself to my feet and shook my head before stretching and trying to crack my back. Nothing, unfortunately, but a quick pop of my thumbs made me feel better.

As we headed upstairs, piano music floated up past us.

The second floor didn't pose any threat; apparently, the lobby on the first floor was the only heavily guarded area on the lower floors. Before too much longer, we were in the third floor corridor. "Okay, we've cleared the lobby areas," Karasuma said to us. "We should be in good shape. If we're stopped, we'll say we're staying here." I see. The old 'pretend you belong here and people usually assume you do' trick.

"But sir," Sugaya protested, "we're a bunch of junior high kids. I mean look at us, man, we shouldn't be here." And I shouldn't have been able to use a magic spell to disguise myself as a female Sylph back in Alfheim, but here we both were.

"Why not?" Karasuma responded. "There are lots of kids here. Where do you think the offspring of the ultra-rich stay when they travel?"

"Ideally, far away from me," I muttered. Asuna's mother was as close to 'ultra-rich' as I cared to get, and she was bitchy enough for me. At least she's calmed down some, after I helped Asuna keep her grades up.

"That's right," Karasuma continued, ignoring me, "only the best for daddy's little prince or princess. You should see some of the antics those trust-fund brats get up to."

"Excellent!" Korosensei declared. I wasn't sure when Nagisa started holding him, but better him than me. "So walk around like you own the place! Turn those noses up and no-one will be the wiser! Let's practice. Show me... entitled!"

I think the other students had too much fun with that as they all stuck their noses in the air and started acting like, well, a bunch of spoiled brats that could get away with anything thanks to Daddy's credit card. Sneers and arrogance were the perfect words to describe E Class right then as the students rumbled to themselves, making a rabble. I caught Sugaya pretending to smoke a blunt, even. Lovely. "There it is," Korosensei sighed.

"Little too much there, gang," Karasuma sighed in exasperation. "Reel it in, some."

"You can't tell me what to do," I muttered. Might as well play along. "You're not my dad."

"Don't encourage them!" he snapped at Korosensei, who was proudly displaying his smug green stripes.

They faded away, though. "It occurs to me," Korosensei said, "that we have no idea what our enemy looks like. Even posing as typical guests we're vulnerable to attack. Best martial our efforts towards staying vigilant."

"What-ever," we chorused.

Like typical spoiled brats.

Or typical teenagers.

...Is there a difference?

As our pack of surly brats walked down the corridor to the central hall - we had to cross the hall to get to the next flight of steps, one of those funnels I'd mentioned - we passed by a pair of older guys, both dressed casually. Despite the fact that they were visibly ten times rougher than we were (one of them even had a scar over his eye, though it was nowhere near as obvious as my chest scar was) they avoided our eyes. I caught Karma watching them with an amused glint in his eyes.

"People really think we belong here," Kimura said. "They're not even making eye contact!"

"Makes sense, if you think about where we are," Chiba replied. "This place has a reputation. Folks come here to keep a low profile."

"Heh! Y'know, at first I was sure everybody here would be a problem," Kayano said. "But getting to the top floor's turning out to be a lot easier than we thought!"

"Why would you say that," I sighed softly. "Now everything's going to go tits up and it's all your fault."

"Glad Mr. K's with us, though," Okano said. "Feels a lot safer with him leading the charge."

"And now Karasuma has his flag raised," I grumbled. "Can we all just go back to talking about safer topics? Like, oh, I don't know, anything but this?" It's like these people have never played a video game before. Just triggering event flags left and right, here.

Terasaka was leading the pack along with Yoshida, right behind Karasuma. "Heh heh!" he laughed. "Who said this was gonna be hard?" My lips tightened slightly.

"Hey, we're not there yet," Karasuma pointed out calmly.

"But the clock's tickin'," Terasaka replied. "I say we switch off stealth mode and storm the joint!"

As he and Yoshida ran past Karasuma, our leader shouted, "Wait!" But the two boys didn't listen. They were too busy racing for the other side of the central hall. There was only one person headed our way, so I suppose it shouldn't be too much of a problem that they're running. Just another bunch of asshole teenagers that don't respect private property.

Wait... That guy, with the hat and his hands in his pockets... Something about him looks familiar...

"Terasaka! Watch out!" Fuwa shouted suddenly.

Before I could figure out why she shouted, Karasuma lunged forward. He grabbed both boys by the scruff of the neck and tossed them backwards. He couldn't move fast enough to dodge what came next. The man in front of us pulled up some sort of scarf over his nose and mouth and pointed some sort of gadget at Karasuma. No, he was already starting to point it as Karasuma got the two idiots out of the way.

A purple gas filled the air, and I reflexively covered my mouth and nose. "Gas!" Karasuma shouted, kicking the gadget out of Poisoner's hands.

"Oh no, Mr. Karasuma!" Kayano shouted as the rest of the group stared on in horror.

Our teacher jumped back, bursting from the cloud. Did he get out of it before whatever was in there poisoned him?

It faded soon enough, and Poisoner straightened up. "What gave me away?" he asked, pulling his mask down. "I pride myself as being as nondescript as possible. Happens to be one of my strongest selling points, little Miss Helmet Head."

I stared. It was Nose Guy from earlier. The one that served us our drinks - the guy with the huge nose and tiny mouth. He thinks _that's_ nondescript? It was like seeing someone with a huge mole and then them acting like they were indistinguishable in a crowd. His voice hadn't even changed.

"It's called a bob cut," Fuwa muttered darkly before stepping forward. "I've seen you before! You gave us those complimentary drinks back at our hotel!" The ones that I rejected. And the ones that Karma, Nagisa, and Kayano rejected. And Sugaya, and Isogai, and Yada... I'm starting to see a pattern here.

"Woah, she's right," Nagisa muttered.

"Why would you be here if you worked for the other place?" Fuwa asked. "It doesn't add up!"

Isogai tensed. "Hey, yeah!"

"Hah!" Poisoner barked out a laugh. "You've got a good eye for faces."

Kayano glared. "So it was you who got everybody sick!"

"Hah! Is that right? I'd love to see your evidence, Sherlock," Poisoner bragged, spreading his arms. "Tropical islands are a hotbed for all sorts of icky viruses."

Her suspicions called on a lack of solid proof, Kayano shrunk back. "Um... well..."

"Hm hm hm!" Fuwa chuckled. She started pacing, holding one finger up in the air. "And yet we were split up and on different parts of the island all day. The only time we were together was for dinner on the shipboard restaurant." She turned and started pacing the other way. "But Mimura and Okajima bowed out of dinner to work on the dinner, and it just so happens they're both under the weather! Which makes your free drinks the only viable suspect.

"And since you served them..." Fuwa said. Suddenly, she whipped an accusing finger out, pointing directly at Poisoner. "You, sir, are the poisoner! Elementary!" Poisoner jerked back, shocked.

"So which of us is Watson?" I asked nobody in particular.

"It was a group effort," Hayami replied. I shrugged. I didn't really talk to her that much; she was stand-offish. Which, come to think of it, meant that combined with her sniping skills she was basically a younger, redheaded Shino. Hm. This merited thought.

"That was seriously amazing!" Nagisa exclaimed.

Kayano cheered, "It's like we're on television!"

"Hm!" Fuwa preened. "I credit my taste in detective manga and stories. Eliminate whatever's possible," she said, raising a finger, "and whatever remains must be the truth!" Ah, we _do_ have a Holmes fan.

"Ah, yes!" she sighed. I adjusted my glasses, then blinked a few times. I could almost see sparkles behind her. "Shonen Jump is every sleuth's best friend! The writers go all out!"

"So, manga?" Nagisa asked, nonplussed.

"Yeah, why not?" she replied. "Best way to read the classics! Locked door murder mysteries, vanished heirs, phantom blackmailers, you name it! And not just manga, either!" Fuwa exclaimed. "I've been reading a series with a wizard detective recently! He's gotten tangled up in a shadowy battle royale that involves the whole city, and he's trying to figure out what's going on. It even has aliens! It ended really abruptly, though, and it feels like the author didn't want to write it anymore."

"I don't get the reference!" Kayano exclaimed.

"Why is this suddenly an advertisement?!" Nagisa exclaimed. Both of them were confused. "Knock it off, Fuwa, we're not running a charity!"

...I have the most obscure feeling, like I should be flattered and I'm not entirely sure why.

"Heh heh heh heh..." Oh yeah, in the midst of all these shenanigans about shilling and ethics in marketing we'd forgotten about Poisoner. As he started cackling louder, Karasuma fell to his knees, then to all fours.

Shit. Might I suggest that we are, currently, right fucked?

"Well," Poisoner said smugly, "congrats on discovering my identity. But I'm afraid it's a little too late."

Karasuma gritted his teeth, and it was pretty clear it was taking a lot of his strength just to stay on his hands and knees and not just collapse to the floor. "He's a poisoner, children," Korosensei said. "An expert at surreptitious application of his craft." Maybe I should take notes, swap a few tips, stuff like that. I could always use some advice when it came to poison. The Nightblade had me hooked as soon as I got it.

"Not to toot my own horn," Poisoner said, "but the gas was a homemade concoction. One whiff turns enemies into statues. Fresh air disperses the runoff so there's no trace." Okay, that was kinda impressive. I want one. "Now then! I guess it's safe to assume you're not here to trade. I'll have to go tell the big man negotiations have deteriorated." He turned to leave. "Oh well, you win some you lose some."

I just grinned, leaning against the exit to the room. "Wonder where _he_ thinks he's going."

See, while Poisoner had been tooting his own horn - ...l-lewd... - we'd slipped around silently. He hadn't even noticed us going around and blocking off the entrances, five students to an exit. If he headed out past Karasuma, towards the only one we'd left alone, he would be actively going away from his objective. I was leaning against the wall, blocking the entrance he'd come from, along with Isogai, Terasaka, Kataoka, and Chiba.

Chiba was holding a giant decorative axe, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't going to use it judging by the way he was only holding it with one hand. Leverage, y'know.

As Poisoner looked around, suddenly realizing that we'd moved so quickly, I grinned. "First rule when coming up against an enemy," Isogai began.

"Scout the exits, block their retreat," Kataoka continued.

"Cut off their communications," Terasaka growled. My eyes flicked over to him briefly before I kept watching Poisoner with a sardonic grin.

"We've learned from the best," Isogai said. "Isn't that right, Mr. K?"

"Sorry, pal," Karasuma growled. Somehow, he was managing to stand upright despite getting hit by a paralyze poison. Was he even human? "You were a tad too quick to show us your true colors." He lifted his head and I blinked. That... that was a horrifying smile. Like, holy crap, terrifying. The bloodlust in that expression... "You should have kept quiet and reported us to your boss."

Poisoner looked over his shoulder at Karasuma and sneered before turning, pulling what I'd assumed was a scarf but looked more like a facemask over his mouth and nose again. "You can still speak, huh? First rule when facing _numerous_ enemies..." he said. Karasuma was struggling to stay upright, swaying back and forth like he was about to collapse. I swallowed, flicking the mental switch to prime myself for combat. I was the most used to wielding poisoned weapons, so I would be the best one to fight Poisoner; his tricks wouldn't work as well on me.

My pulse started pounding. "Cut off the head, and the body dies!" Poisoner sneered.

Suddenly he whipped another gas weapon out. "Observe!" he shouted, aiming it at Karasuma.

Karasuma's knee slammed into the side of his temple with a meaty thud.

I blinked, body tense, as Poisoner got lifted up off his feet from the force of the blow. Holy crap. Karasuma's strength... It was unreal. And his speed. Honestly, Karasuma's abilities looked like they were on par with a Fae from Alfheim.

Karasuma and Poisoner hit the ground at the same time.

"No!" Okano shouted, rushing over to him.

"Mr. Karasuma!" the students shouted.

...Did he just one-shot the mini-boss and stop me from being able to fight? Mother fu-

* * *

We were forced to take a small break, while Karasuma recovered from the effects of the gas. Fortunately, Poisoner had been knocked out by the force of Karasuma's single blow, so we didn't have to fight him ourselves.

"Wait a second," I said as Terasaka and Yoshida prepared to tie up the unconscious assassin. "Let me see him for a second." I kneeled down by the body and started patting through his jacket pockets.

"What are you looking for?" Terasaka asked.

For a split-second _rage burned through me at his impertinent question, and I_ know _it appeared on my face as my whole body tensed_. I got it under control immediately, smoothing my expression. "Anybody who uses a poisoned weapon learns sooner or later to keep an antidote on their body at all times," I said absently. I'd nicked myself enough times with the Nightblade and, later the Moonblade, to make several antidotes a permanent fixture of my inventory. I'd even gone so far as to learn a few spells to cure poison, just in case of emergencies. "If you're expecting a situation where you're going to be consuming the same poison as your target, you'll take something ahead of time. But since this guy was just wandering around, it's possible..."

I shook my head as the last pocket came up empty. "Tch," I clicked my tongue with a quick grimace. Either he really _was_ that good, or he had something in that scarf of his to neutralize inhaling the gas he used. Either way, without an antidote we just had to wait for Karasuma to fight off the poison naturally. "Damn. As you were, then."

"Yeah, whatever," Terasaka grunted. I glanced at him before standing up and walking away.

As they were hiding the unconscious and tied up body, covering him with a sofa and table after moving Poisoner to the corner of the room, Isogai helped Karasuma to his feet. "Sir, you can't keep going like this," he insisted, "you've gotta lie down."

"Just give me half an hour," Karasuma groaned weakly. "I'll be fine."

I raised an eyebrow. "You look it," I said drily. He was struggling to stay upright, even with Isogai acting as a support.

"Don't do anything crazy," was Karasuma's final order before he limped off towards progress.

"Oh, yeah, _we're_ the crazy ones," Sugaya muttered as he and Okano stared at the two in shock and a little bit of resigned disbelief. "That stuff could kill an elephant."

"No kidding, right?" Okano agreed. "Mr. K must be some kind of monster."

Now that we cleared the center hall, we had a clear shot to the stairs. We walked in more of an amorphous blob than the rough line we'd been in before, now that Karasuma was under the weather. I caught a few of the students scowling in irritation, though most of them seemed torn between stoic determination and awe at Karasuma. I noticed Yada was looking slightly concerned about something, but figured it wasn't my place to ask. If she wanted to share, she'd share; otherwise, let her work it out on her own.

Regardless of all that, we'd finished one of the mini-bosses. I wasn't sure how many more we had to go with this little raid party of ours, but if the mini-boss squad is anything like what video games have taught me, there will be two more. Or four, but typically the five-boss run is reserved for end-game. Somehow, this didn't strike me as end-game. No, if I had to classify it... The end of Disc One. That's what this hotel felt like.

"Woo-hoo!" Korosensei cheered suddenly. I looked over, startled, to see that he had a bright orange sun on his face. "Summer vacation is finally in full swing."

All of us were glaring. I didn't need to look around to know that.

"Nice that you can stay positive!" Hayami shouted, leveling an accusing finger. For that matter, everyone was pointing accusingly at Korosensei.

"I'd be too if I had a protective shell!" Kimura snapped.

"Show him what full swing really means!" Yoshida called out.

Silently, Nagisa started whirling Korosensei around in the air, spinning him like a flail.

Karma caught Nagisa's hand. "Take your belt off for a sec," he said to Terasaka with an innocent grin. "I'm gonna cram Mr. Have A Nice Day down your pants so he'll shut up."

"The hell you will!" Terasaka raged.

Nagisa pulled free and lifted the wobbly Korosensei up. "Okay, I'll bite. Why does it feel like summer vacation all of a sudden?"

Korosensei made an impressively speedy recovery. "Because my students are acting independently of me!" he replied. "That's what summer's about, really. Extended breaks from the routine of school foster autonomy. You learn to think and act on your own."

Mm-hm. Well, he's not wrong.

"The prognosis for anyone else in this predicament would be grim," Korosensei continued. "But you have the tools to meet your foes head on. _This_ ," he said as we all looked on, "is an assassination vacation. It's up to you to make the most of it."

We were all silent for a little bit. "I don't buy it," I said finally. "Karma, go ahead and shove him down Terasaka's pants."

"'Kay," the red-head drawled before grinning at Terasaka and pointing somewhere down south.

"Don't you dare!" Terasaka shouted.

Chuckling, I shook my head. No matter. We have to keep moving, that's what matters. We need to make it in time before the hour is up and the antidote goes boom.

I hate timed quests with a passion.

The fourth floor was unguarded by enemy mobs or mini-bosses alike, and we quickly made our way to the fifth floor. This one had the stairs on the other side of the floor, same as floor three, but we didn't have to cross the main hall this time. According to my mental map, all we had to do was pass around the outside the long way and we'd be there.

It even had a nice view; the scenic walkway had the outer edge lined with windows so any hotel guests could stop and look out over the island and ocean. A few tasteful potted plants were dotted, well, tastefully along the outer wall, but they were the only furnishings to distract from the outside.

Which, naturally, meant that this was where we would run into the second boss. Stupid funnel points.

Terasaka, leading the way, suddenly pressed himself against the wall. The rest of us followed suit before carefully peeking around the bend.

A man was leaning against the window casually, staring at nothing. He wore a coat, but I couldn't see a hint of any large weapons hidden by his frame. For all appearances, he was entirely unarmed. Still, his eyes, distant as they were, filled me with a sense of unease. I might have been able to think he was just a regular foreign visitor, taking a night stroll, if it wasn't for the aura of bloodlust surrounding him.

"Um, okay..." Sugaya whispered. "Why's that dude just standing out in the open?"

Easy. Because normal mobs might have random patrol patterns, while elite mobs and more relevantly bosses and mini-bosses typically have stationary patterns until aggroed by the players.

"Gives me the heebie-jeebies," Yada murmured.

"Yeah," Yoshida said. "I'm definitely picking up a kill or be killed vibe." He paused. "Well, to be honest, mostly kill."

There was no way we were going to be able to surprise this person. A scenic walkway, with an unobstructed view, offered little in the way of shelter. We'd have to rely on sheer numbers, which offended me in some strange way. It felt like I was using a cheat code. Besides, the bloodlust pouring from this guy made me think that it was definitely a bad idea to try to go against him, even with numbers on our side. Maybe if we had a force equalizer, like a gun...

That was when the window shattered.

As the class screamed, I stared in shock. Had the guy just cracked the window with his bare hands? And he hadn't even punched it, either. It was just straight up grip strength.

"Booooring," the man sighed, moving his hand away from the cracks in the glass that resembled a spider's web. Sure enough, he'd done that with just putting pressure with his fingers. And his voice matched his appearance; deep and sonorous, with a threatening undercurrent. "I can hear your footsteps, people." Shit, looks like we've aggroed him. "I wanted to kill someone interesting, not a bunch of amateurs. Ain't your squadron leader supposed to be some special forces dick, or did he get bagged? Hn."

 _Rage pulsed through me for a split second, my fists clenching for a heartbeat_ , before I got myself under control. He was just trying to rile us up, get us to lose control and go face him on his terms.

"Hn, tough break," Grip said. "Guess the gas got to him before he had a chance, hn. Smog live or did they kill each other like men? Hn," he said, waving with a hand. Guess Smog must be Poisoner's official alias. "Lemme see it."

"He cracked the freakin' window with his hand!" Terasaka whispered harshly.

"Yeah," Kimura said as we walked out to show ourselves properly. "That's not all."

I looked at the others, and they all had the same awkward look on their face. Nobody wanted to be the one to say it, especially to the trained killer's face. Not that I could blame them. After all, the way he talks...

"Dude!" Karma said brightly. "What's with all the stupid hn-ing?"

The others blinked in shock at Karma's brash question. He always says what we're thinking.

To be fair, I was half a second from asking that myself, so good on him.

"Hn, it's how samurais talk," Grip replied. "Read someplace they used to do it all the time to sound intimidating. I like the way it plays, makes me feel badass." I dunno, I think the whole testing the edge of their sword on random peasants in their path makes samurai a little more intimidating, unless that too is just an urban legend and I have zero feet on which to stand when making fun of this guy for believing everything he reads.

But regardless, this dude's... only a _little_ off, I guess.

"This is actually the first time I've tried it out, so no big," Grip said, cracking his fingers just by flexing them. Damn it, now I have _two_ people I need to get tips from, because that looks badass and I want to be able to do that. "Hn, I might decide to drop it once I've killed you. No one else has heard me talk like this, so it'd be a clean slate."

I curled my hand into a fist, trying to get my fingers to pop, but the only one that made that satisfying crackling sound was the middle finger on my right hand. And that just wasn't good enough.

"Your hands, sir," Korosensei said to Grip. "Are those the only tools of the trade at your disposal?"

"Makes staying incognito easy as pie," Grip said, holding a single hand out while cracking the fingers. "Someone pats me down, I got nothin', but I can still snap their neck."

"Question~," I called out, raising my hand like I was in class. "What do you do about fingerprints?"

"I wear gloves, hn."

"Okay~." I put my hand down.

Grip clenched his fists. "These babies know what's up," he said with a bloodthirsty smile. "Sometimes when the mood strikes me, I can crush a skull."

Okano gasped and raised a hand to her head, shivering.

"Funny thing about being this good," Grip told us, hands in his pockets. A piece of broken glass fell from the window. "The better you get at sendin' folks to the sweet hereafter, the more you crave using your gift for something beyond just plain killing."

I wish I could say I get that. Kazuto does, or at least that's what I think, at least. That's my best explanation why he keeps insisting on being the white knight, even after it's landed him in so much trouble so often. He's skilled, and he feels the urge to use that skill to help others.

"I mean," Grip continued, "you still _wanna_ kill, hn. You just wish someone'd give you a real challenge."

Ah. Yeah, that? _That_ I can get behind.

I looked at Karma, and he looked at me. I raised an eyebrow, and he lowered his chin. I shrugged, letting out a short sigh.

"That's what blows about this. I was hopin' for a worthy adversary. Instead, I get... you." Grip shook his head and started rummaging in his coat pocket. "You don't know what a pain it is to snap out a whole group, hn." He pulled out a hand radio, probably to report our presence. "I'm callin' the boss to come clean this mess up."

Kataoka and Fuwa jerked back with gasps of shock.

Karma swung the potted plant. The pot part of the plant smashed the radio into the window with the sound of cracking glass.

"Speaking of letdowns," Karma said, "you seem fairly average for a pro, if you ask me." The crushed radio fell to the ground. I glanced at the spider web of cracks in the glass; Karma's were bigger. "And is breaking glass supposed to be intimidating? 'Cause I can do that.

"What I wouldn't do," he said softly, "is call in reinforcements as an opening move. But then I'm not especially threatened by a bunch of amateurs."

The other students jerked back in shock at Karma's taunts. "Karma, stop-!" Karasuma started to order.

"Not so fast, Mr. Karasuma!" Korosensei interrupted him. "The boy's chin is down. Karma typically enters a fight with his chin angled upward. It shows disdain - he's literally looking down his nose at his opponent." I tilted my head curiously. "This is different. True, his words may be dripping with arrogance, but his eyes are staring daggers. He's alert, locking his opponent's gaze.

"Finals were quite a blow to his precious ego," Korosensei continued. "But I suspect he's taken the lessons of that failure to heart."

Karma smirked at Grip as he waited for Grip's response. He didn't have to wait long. "Hmph. Alright," Grip said, reaching up to take off his coat. "Put your money where your mouth is." As his coat slid off his arms, Grip flexed his hands and cracked his knuckles as he curled a fist.

Karma stood there, small smirk on his face and body loose and prepared for anything.

"Go at him with everything you've got, Karma," Korosensei said. "You're going head to head with an adult!"

* * *

 **And we begin the hotel infiltration. This entire segment of the island arc is pretty fantastic, despite my piss-poor attempts at doing it justice. I mean, we get to see the students be badass, they get to go up against real assassins and test their skills, a bunch of characters get some needed character development, and just a bunch of all-around fun things happen in the arc. It's looking to stretch three more chapters after this… after which Book 1 will be ending. Holy crap.**

 **The first bit of the chapter is just the climbing section. Nick's surprisingly good at it, mainly because of his long hours of practice doing crazy athletic stunts in Alfheim and Aincrad. I tried to make it clear in the chapter itself, but I'm not sure it worked great; his shenanigans in the game set him up to be less afraid of doing crazy shit, not that he's pulling off stunts like that in E Class. No, he can't flash-step. More's the pity. He really,** _ **really**_ **wants to be able to do that, especially after seeing Karasuma do it to Smog. He and Okano, being the two spider-monkeys on E Class, tend to get along when doing stuff like that. I haven't been showing it on-screen much, mainly because nobody wants to see training on-screen, but he and Okano have been sparring occasionally. Okano fights with her gymnastics, giving her surprising mobility on the battlefield. We saw the two fight earlier, remember? It's like that.**

 **Speaking of Smog, the beginning of the infiltration to Smog's fight is pretty… meh? I mean, it's important, but it feels like the piano scene was only there to remove Irina from the equation. I was tempted to avoid it and have them come up with a different way of getting around the guards, until I A) went back and figured out how many guards there were and holy** _ **crap**_ **that's a lot of guards, each with overlapping fields of view, and B) I needed Irina gone. Otherwise, she'd just bitch and moan the whole time without contributing anything creative. So, might as well follow the original's lead and have her play the honey trap (in… C Major? I don't know.)**

 **As for Smog, yes, Nick checked for an antidote and no he didn't find any. He uses a poisoned weapon himself, he knows the rules of using them. Unfortunately, Smog doesn't seem to follow the same rules. Maybe he's just pulled a Dread Pirate Roberts and constantly dosed himself until he's immune. After the fight, you might have noticed Nick's thought patterns shifting to see things in terms of video games and game references; that's on purpose. It's his method of coping with everything, especially the rising anger and rage that's threatening to spill over. Just take a step back from reality, think of things like they were back in Aincrad, and he can pretend he's acting like he was in Aincrad. It's all very subtle, but I like that. Shows he's not as in control as he's telling the others. (Also I wanted to keep the joke about Fuwa's advertising but it made more sense to reference Soul's Wings instead of what it originally referenced, which was the AssClass's author's previous work. (Soul's Wings is another story of mine, a Dresden Files/Sekirei crossover. Check it out if you want. even though it's not very good.))**

 **Finally, the little silent exchange between Karma and Nick was for the two of them to decide who fought Grip. They're both skilled hand-to-hand fighters (Karma and Nick** _ **have**_ **sparred against each other, yes, though near the end it was more a brawl than a spar) and knew that either one could have it. It went like this: "Yo, Karma." "Nick." "You want first crack at him, or can I finally have some fun?" "I'll take a swing or two at him." "Fine..." And then potted plant to the window. Fun fact: my sophomore year of college, someone threw a rock through my dorm window. I don't know who it was, or why they did it, or what, but I was just chilling and then** _ **crack!**_ **And there was a round hole in the window. It only went through the outer pane, so no glass inside, but it was still startling. My roommate and I were very confused (since we had the shades down, it was night, and cold) until I peeked outside.**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	21. Karma Time - 2nd Period

**Chapter 21: Karma Time / 2nd Period**

* * *

Our stealth quest of the hotel was underway. We were progressing smoothly, despite taking a few losses here and there; Irina had separated early on as a decoy to allow us to pass to the second floor, and Karasuma had inhaled a paralytic when facing the first mini-boss.

Problem was, this stealth quest was also timed. If we failed the quest in any way, getting caught or running out of time, the antidote to the virus used to poison ten of our party would be destroyed and our classmates would die.

Now, we faced against the second mini-boss. I'd nicknamed him Grip mentally.

Karma stood in front of him, chin down. "You seem fairly average for a pro, if you ask me," he taunted. "And is breaking glass intimidating? Because I can do that.

"But I wouldn't... call in reinforcements as an opening move," he continued. "But then I'm not especially threatened by a bunch of amateurs."

Karma smirked, and the rest of the class watched with bated breath. "Alright," Grip said, reaching up to take off his coat. "Put your money where your mouth is." As his coat slid off his arms, Grip flexed his hands and cracked his knuckles as he curled a fist.

"If you insist," Karma sighed, before laughing quietly. His body was loose and ready for anything.

Karma couldn't afford to wait for Grip to attack, though. Grip was a professional, and momentum would be on his side. With those two combined, Grip could easily punch through Karma's defenses and destroy him. That meant Karma _had_ to attack first and keep up the pressure until Grip made a mistake in defending.

Karma suddenly moved forward, swinging the potted plant down straight at Grip's head with a shout.

Grip caught it in one hand, halting the pot inches from his skull. "Nice try, kid," the assassin said, holding it in place, "but as far as weapons go, hn, I'd've gone a bit harder." With a grunt, he squeezed the hand holding the plant, literally squeezing the decoration in half.

As the pot half crashed to the ground, Karma smirked. "I guess I'll have to do without," he said lightly, letting the half of the plant he still held fall to the ground.

But he'd lost momentum. Grip brought his hands to his sides for a second, flexing, before rushing forward, a palm striking out towards Karma's head. A kill shot if it connects.

Karma dodged, eyes focused, swaying out of the way. Grip struck again and Karma ducked this time. Grip's hand shot out again and Karma smacked it to the side with the outside of his arm. Another textbook block. Grip tried to chop this time, and Karma halted the strike with a palm blow to Grip's wrist before pushing away and dodging to the side.

Another thrust was ducked and the follow-up swipe was blocked with an elbow. Grip grunted, teeth clenched, and Karma jumped back before lightly parrying Grip's next blow.

I watched as Karma ducked and dodged every single blow that Grip made. It was smart; if Grip got his hands on Karma even once, it was game over. Normally, thinking about it, that would be impossible for Karma to win. But that saying... 'The improbable we do immediately. The impossible takes a little bit of time.' E Class seemed to have adopted that as our motto when it came to tasks like this.

Karma had given up even trying to strike back at this point. He was just focused on staying alive. Dodging one strike by ducking before moving to the side and dodging Grip's next blow. One particularly close blow swept just over Karma's face.

"Wow," Kayano whispered. The others were all watching in awe. I was waiting to see if Karma would get caught, and how I should move in to assist should he need to Switch. "He's blocking like an expert!"

Karma parried another thrust by pressing on Grip's wrist. A grab towards his shoulder was knocked away by a block. Grip's hand closed on thin air, only getting a few strands of Karma's hair.

"Those are your defensive moves, are they not, Mr. Karasuma?" Korosensei asked.

I was the only one, as far as I knew, that was receiving self-defense and hand-to-hand lessons from Karasuma. It wasn't even related to my assassination training; I just refused to ignore a possible ability to keep my family safe. I failed once. Never again. _Never_.

But the moves Karma was displaying were, nonetheless, the same ones he'd been teaching me. Then where did he learn them? The teacher for the skill hadn't taught him, and I certainly hadn't mastered the skill, let alone be skilled enough to be able to teach it to someone else...

Ah. During training, while he was watching Karasuma deal with the rest of us. He must have memorized Karasuma's movements and practiced them in secret in preparation for this. That's rather impressive, all things considered. In terms of raw talent, Karma is definitely a natural-born fighter, like Kazuto. He has more innate talent than I do, at least, even if my skill level is higher because of training with the skill teacher.

The problem was, while Karma could clearly dodge Grip's strikes all day - and was doing so, ducking and weaving and shoving Grip's attacks off-course - he couldn't move in to strike. Every attack leaves a small opening, in hand-to-hand combat, and Grip would be able to grab Karma the second he went for a hit.

Grip stomped his boot on the ground and stopped attacking. Karma backed off, grinning lightly with his hands up in a guard. "Hn. What's the problem?" Grip asked. "Evasive maneuvers ain't gonna win this, you have to come in for an attack."

Karma straightened up and lowered his hands. "Oh, you don't say? And what if all I'm really trying to do is keep you occupied? I mean," he said lightly with a glance over his shoulder at us, "my buddies _are_ kinda hoping to sneak by, so maybe I'm just being clever." Grip scowled, lowering his chin. "Oh, relax," Karma said, dropping the faux affability. "I'm pretty underhanded on the best of days, but this is one fight I wanna win fair and square." He punctuated his sentence with a crack of his knuckles.

He swept back into what looked a little bit like a martial arts stance, raising his hands into a guard. "No tricks," he said, hopping back and forth, staying light on his feet. "No cheating. No holdin' out. Just you and me, now. Like men," he said.

"Be my guest, hn," Grip said with a smirk. "I like the cut of your jib. See, this is what I've been talking about," he said, spreading his arms. "Two equals, mano-a-mano." He raised his palms and tensed. "A real battle to the death, hn."

Karma launched himself forward, jumping and lashing out with a spinning kick to Grip's ribs. Grip blocked it and Karma landed him, turning just in time to block Grip's punch. He responded with a roundhouse that Grip blocked, forcing the assassin to back up as he punched forward. Grip blocked the blow and swiped with an elbow.

Karma dodged it and thrust forward in a strike aimed towards the eyes. Grip ducked his head to the side, only to immediately jerk his head back as Karma sent an uppercut streaking towards his chin. Karma lashed out with a knee to Grip's lower body, and the assassin tried to get out of the way. But not in time; he was forced to take the hit on the inside of the knee instead of the groin. Grip grunted in pain, staggering back.

The assassin turned and fell to a knee, and I blinked. Knee injuries are painful, especially when unprepared. But... Karma grinned, eyes wide, and lunged for the man's open back.

That was when Grip sprayed gas in his face.

It was the purple gas that Smog used on Karasuma.

Karma grunted in shock before toppling forward. I was already three steps out towards the conflict when Grip grabbed my classmate by the hair, lifting him up. "Say goodnight, you little punk," he said, dropping the empty sprayer.

I froze. Grip was an assassin, and prepared to kill. If I moved in now, Grip wouldn't hesitate to snap Karma's neck and face the new threat. I had to rely on the mini-boss tendency to monologue while they had the advantage and try to figure out what was going on. Karma _had_ to have seen this coming. Mano-a-mano is cool and all, and it works for the movies, but a real fighter, a real _assassin_ , wouldn't risk it. The only reason Grip had agreed to it at all was because he had something that would guarantee a win.

Karma had to know that.

Which meant Karma had something that would guarantee a win.

I had to believe that.

"Sorry, kid," Grip said, "you're underhanded on the best of days. I'm underhanded, like, every day."

"Gh... You son of a bitch!" Yoshida shouted. "He wanted to fight you like a man, and this is how you respond?"

"Oh, come on," Grip said, straightening up. "This ain't the place for that, kid. Get over it, hn." His grip on Karma's face let him lift my classmate up into the air. Impressive. "Look, you can't get hung up on ethics. I'm an assassin, this biz don't reward folks who play by the rules. Hn, if you got a canister of gas, use it. If he was all that, he'd've done the same."

I suppose I appreciate the life lesson, even if he _is_ going to try to kill us all momentarily.

Keyword being try.

Because that's when Karma sprayed _his_ canister of gas in Grip's face.

My lips curled into a sneer as the gas dissipated; naturally, of course, I'd covered my mouth and nose out of habit. Grip choked on the lungful of poison as his body slowly drooped, lowering Karma to the ground. "You..." he gasped. "Agh... hh..."

"Guess great minds think alike!" Karma said cheerfully, lowering the handkerchief from his mouth. He looked positively devilish. "Now what was it you were saying about me being 'all that'?"

"Hn..." Grip was hanging in there impressively, hands on his knees. Despite the way his body was trembling, he was remaining upright. "How did you not... breathe it in...? I... I sprayed you... at point blank range... You should be paralyzed, hn..." His body was wracked in spasms, but he still managed to reach into his shirt and pull out something.

I made it three steps before Karma threw his arm out, stopping me wordlessly. I glanced at Karma, raising an eyebrow, but he gave me a wide grin instead of the nod I'd been hoping for. Damn, selfish asshole. I wanted a crack at this guy myself, but he wanted the last attack bonus. Typical Karma. Reluctantly, I put my hands in my pockets and waited, stepping back.

The object Grip pulled out turned out to be a switchblade - Nick want, gimme gimme gimme - and he lunged forward. It was a desperate last attempt at a kill, and Karma easily stepped to the side before grabbing Grip's arm and pulling it back, knocking Grip to the ground in a painful-looking armlock. The sound of pain from the assassin just confirmed my suspicions.

I didn't care. I was going to pick up the switchblade Grip had dropped.

"C'mon, Terasaka!" Karma called out with a huge grin as he pulled back on Grip's arm, making the man cry out. "What are you waitin' for? I'm gonna need duct tape and every free hand we got to hold this crazy bastard down!"

I picked up the knife, studying it, before groaning in resignation. It had hit the wall poorly, bending the blade and dulling its edge. _Man..._ I _never_ get a knife. "Yeah, alright, fine," Terasaka sighed, scratching at his head. The rest of the class was just staring in amazement. "You've been yanking this creep's chain all along, huh?"

Finally, they ran over to help.

I was still busy mourning my new switchblade. I was going to name him Mr. Friendship.

It was a boss drop, too, so it would have had good stats.

"Gah!" Grip shouted as the entirety of the guys on the E Class infiltration team, minus myself and Isogai, dogpiled on Grip. Karma was sticking out his tongue at the assassin impishly.

"Fair fight my ass," Terasaka chuckled.

"Stay on guard while you're taping him up," Karasuma ordered. I can't tell if the tone of voice is exhaustion, the poison still in his system, or just general exasperation with our crap. "He's incapacitated, but he might be strong enough to spring back before too long."

"Yes sir," we all chorused reluctantly.

After Grip was bound and taped up - feet to butt, tape around the legs to keep his knees locked, tape around the wrists taped to his back, and tape pinning his arms to his body. What can I say? We're thorough - Karma grinned down at him, tossing the empty canisters of gas in his hand. "Handy, right?" he said. "Lifted it off that Smog weirdo a while ago. Still, disappointing it's a one-time use type of deal."

Grip took a break from snarling impotently to glare at Karma and ask, "How did you see it coming? You must have held your breath when I sprayed you. How'd you know to do that when my hands were empty?" Because he's not an idiot? Duh. If your hands were empty, the attack was coming from somewhere else. "No way you coulda told I had anything on me! Gah! Hn."

"That's the whole point," Karma said. "With you, I was on guard against everything _but_ bare hands."

"Hn..." Grip growled.

"As far as I know, you probably _were_ looking forward to an honest fight," Karma said. "But you're also on someone else's payroll, so you don't get to choose." He stepped forward and sat down in front of Grip. "You'd've had to stop us by any means necessary. I would have done the exact same thing in your shoes. In a way," he grinned, "my mistrust was a compliment."

"He's really good," Kayano said.

I'm just amazed he's not taking the chance to torment Grip. Karma may have changed after his defeat in the midterms, but I didn't think he'd changed _that_ much.

"The anguish of defeat," Korosensei said solemnly, "had never darkened Karma's door. Finals provided our cocky comrade a much-needed reality check. Failure humanized the perspective of his former foes. He suddenly found himself among their number." I remember Korosensei poking at Karma and driving him up a wall with irritation. So this was his end goal? Teach the boy that losers are human too? "His picture of the world altered drastically, leaving him with a healthy respect for those around him.

"He was able to foresee his adversary's moves, because he didn't underestimate his abilities. Something he only learned through his previous failure." The rest of the class was silent, listening to Korosensei. I wonder what Karma's thinking right now? "We must see our opponent not as an obstacle, but as a person. Toiling in the shadow of defeat," Korosensei said, "we taste _true_ victory."

That's dumb. Victory is victory, loss is loss. You can learn from your mistakes and never make the same one twice, but loss can never be a victory.

Still, I think I get what Korosensei's driving at. Kinda. I think. Maybe.

"It is a pleasure to see you take this lesson to heart, Karma," Korosensei said softly. "I'm very excited about what your future holds in store."

Grip finally stopped struggling against the restraints and relaxed. "Hn, hats off to ya," he said. "You're nothin' to sneeze at. I may be beaten, but it was a pleasure to know that you -"

"Oh, we're not done," Karma said. He held up two tubes, one orange and one green, and I winced. You _monster_. "No, I'm just getting started!" he said brightly.

"Hn?" Grip said blankly. "What in the hell are those supposed to be?"

Karma smiled. "Mustard and wasabi. You never know when you're gonna need 'em to shove up a nose."

All of the students blanched in horror. I just gritted my teeth, watching Karma's peaceful smile. "You'll what?!" Grip yelped.

"Part of keeping my guard up meant I had to play nice," Karma said while doing unspeakable things to the man's nostrils. "But hey, now that we've got you all bound up, I can let loose!" Seriously, there's lines you don't cross, and I'm pretty sure this violates several of the Geneva Conventions.

"Nuh?!"

"You'll wanna hold still," Karma suggested, "or that special clip is gonna rip your nostrils off. Now, let's see..." I stared at the crap Karma carried around with him. "You've got your jalapenos, your hatch chiles, your ghost peppers..."

Holy shit. This kid's got a small arsenal of capsaicin-based items. "Those are a kick in the balls, right?" Karma said to Grip conversationally. "And, a pinch of garlic, for heart health." Well, at least he's considerate.

The others were still watching in horror.

"Well, hn, whatcha think?" Karma asked. Where did he even get the head strap that pulled up Grip's nostrils at the same time it pulled back his cheeks? Is that thing even _legal_? "Show us that samurai willpower?" He put the tube of mustard in one nostril and squeezed.

As Karma laughed devilishly and Grip moaned in agony, Nagisa said, "So, uh... I notice Karma's still a sadist."

"I'm very concerned about what his future holds in store," Korosensei agreed.

Terasaka hefted one of the bags Karma pulled out from his backpack. The skull on the bag worried me a little bit. "Who walks around with this stuff in their bag?" he asked. "Ugh... Can we keep moving, please? Someone'll spot us."

"'Cause you stick out like a sore thumb," Karma said.

"Says the natural red-head carrying around medieval torture devices in his bag," I sniped. "Not that you're wrong, mind," I added. Just so Terasaka knew I wasn't being nice to him.

"Hah hah," Terasaka grumbled.

We were walking up the steps to the sixth floor, back on alert now that we'd finished the second mini-boss. Karma seemed just as relaxed as he always did, though the small undercurrent of mischievous sadism didn't look like it'd run its course yet. The girls were taking the lead while the rest of us hung back to cover our rear in case Grip somehow got lose. Karasuma, of course, was in the middle, assisted by Isogai.

"Attention," Ritsu said with a wave. "The terrace is just up these stairs."

"Might be tricky," Hayami said. "This is the club floor."

"Correct," Ritsu said. The screen shifted to a map of the floor's layout, our current position represented by little blue people and a small yellow Korosensei. The 'You Are Here' helped, too. We were on the east side, just come up the staircase to the north. "The executive floor can be accessed via the staircase just off the lounge area." The staircase below us lit up helpfully. "Unfortunately, the back entrance has a manual lock on the door, so we'll need to detour around the back and through the bar to let the others in."

I sighed as the little person did just that, leaving a purple trail. Of course it was too good to be true. "So we're flying by the seat of our pants," Kataoka said succinctly.

"A bar's the last place we belong," Isogai said. I mean, _technically_ I could make a case for living twenty-one years, but...

"Korosensei and Mr. K, you hide here," Kataoka said, taking charge. "Leave the tricky part to those best qualified," she said with a grin. The rest of the girls grinned at us. "We'll unlock the door to the VIP stairs. You fellas might be out of your depth in the club, but us girls will do just fine."

True enough; I wouldn't know this from personal experience, obviously, but the lines at clubs were always... shorter for the ladies. Unless it was a gay bar.

As Yada nodded, Fuwa grinned in excitement. "Yeah we will!"

"No way," Karasuma said, to the 'aww's of disappointment from the girls. "I'm sorry, it's too dangerous."

"Ah," Karma said suddenly, lightly tapping his fist against his palm. "Well, plan B?"

I looked at him, and then looked at Nagisa. The girls did the same.

"Huh?" Nagisa chuckled nervously.

I frowned, nodding. "It's too dangerous for just the six girls, so we send a guy with them. Good idea, Karma." Six just wasn't enough, especially if they got split up for some reason. Plus, not that I doubted their capabilities, but if it was just a pack of girls they'd be swarmed by all of the single and or drunk guys immediately.

Hm. "Well, if we're talking about who can convincingly pass for female it's me or Nagisa," I said thoughtfully. "I've done it before, but it takes a bit of work, so since we're short on time I'd say Nagisa." I sighed, shaking my head. "Damn it, Kazuto would be perfect for this..." Sugu and I gave him crap about his... less than masculine facial features, let's say.

Yada stared at me. "Wait, you've crossdressed before?" She and Okano were staring at me with a weird sort of thoughtfulness in their eyes, and it was a little jarring.

I decided to just move past it. "Yeah. It's a series of long stories involving me and my girlfriend. I made a pretty convincing girl after she was done with the makeup and stuff. And then there was that time with my sisters..." I caught Nagisa giving me a strange indecipherable look, and shrugged. "It was between me and them. Anyway, we're wasting time. Nagisa? Are you okay with this?"

He was, fortunately. The girls grabbed him a set of clothes from... somewhere... and he got changed quickly, if a little bit reluctantly.

* * *

"Explain this to me one more time," I asked, shouting over the sound of the heavy dance music. The loud music, flashing lights, and press of people grinding bits of themselves against other people had given me a headache after about ten seconds in, so... fucking yay.

Yada turned and smiled at me, glancing up and down my body before tilting her head. "What's to explain?"

I glanced back at Nagisa; the crossdressed boy was trying to keep his head down, and what I could see of his cheeks were bright red. "I get Nagisa crossdressing to accompany you ladies," I shouted, nodding towards the embarrassed boy, "but why exactly am _I_ wearing girl clothes too?"

"Because we wanted Nagisa to have backup in case something goes wrong," Okano told me. "And you didn't mind."

Well, I didn't, really. I didn't have any masculine pride to get embarrassed about, and while it might have been awkward the first or second time I'd ended up crossdressing for some reason or another, it stopped bothering me after my sisters all ganged up on me at Asuna's house.

Honestly, though, they're lucky pre-puberty me had softer and more androgynous features. If it had required more makeup than the lip gloss they'd used, I probably would have insisted we couldn't spare the time. But since it had just been that and a few minutes spent on my hair while Nagisa was being all fidgety and embarrassed... At least the clothes weren't _too_ girly. The girls had claimed, when I grumbled the first time, that I was supposed to be Nagisa's bodyguard and as such needed to look relatively professional while still blending in, hence the according-to-them normal capris and blouse. I didn't even have to wear lady-stilts, I got some (admittedly awkward, yet strangely comfortable) boots. It wasn't... I mean, I _preferred_ clothes that let me move about comfortably, whether that was loose clothing or clothes that moved with me, and the blouse was a little tight, but...

But, on the other hand, it was still better than what the girls had found for Nagisa.

Thigh-high black stockings and boots were the least of his problems. From... I don't even _want_ to know, they found a red miniskirt and black low-cut top with a light purple ribbon over the breast. The top revealed his shoulders and the A-cup bra they'd forced him to wear. They even found a choker and bracelets of the same red fabric for him to wear.

Oh, and they'd taken his regular hairties and swapped them for some more decorative ribbons.

I'm not really sure how to feel about the fact that Nagisa could pass for a convincing female just by changing out his usual hair ties for slightly more colorful ribbons and putting on a skirt and top. The girls didn't even use any makeup or anything, and when I saw him even _I_ was convinced for a second.

"Oh, be a _man_ already," Fuwa sighed, reaching back to tug at Nagisa's arm. "You're here to protect us, not use us as a shield. Get in front!"

"I can't!" Nagisa hissed. "Don't make me do this, please!"

"Stop it," Hayami sighed.

I just sighed as well.

"You look fabulous!" Fuwa smiled, tugging Nagisa. He was forced to step forward or fall flat on his face, and he chose to step forward, stumbling a few steps.

"That's right," he grumbled. "This is my life. How aren't you bothered by this, Nick?"

"Amelia," I corrected him absently as I stepped forward to stand patiently just behind him. His name might be gender neutral, but 'Nick' was definitely a guy's name. So, I told them to call me Amelia while I was in the club. Ah, memories with my sisters… "Because one, I'm not dressed for clubbing - thanks for that, ladies, by the way."

"You're welcome," Yada and Okano said simultaneously. I eyed them suspiciously. Synchronicity is never a good sign...

"...And two, because it's just clothes. No big deal." I raised an eyebrow. "Granted, I'm not wearing... your outfit, but even still, it's not the end of the world." The clothes the girls had given me were a little unusual and unfamiliar, yes, but even if I'm caught as a guy dressed up like this, I proceed to give zero fucks and possibly murder the person if they make a scene. See? No big deal.

In the end, people see what they want to see anyway, and ninety percent of the people in here are high, drunk, or both. Gods this place reeks.

"Quit whining," Kataoka scolded him, arms folded. "You're deep undercover, we _talked_ about this. You won't arouse suspicion this way!"

Phrasing? "Did you have to say 'arouse'?" Nagisa complained. Yeah, phrasing.

Fuwa winked. "Relax, it's all part of the plan."

"Somehow I doubt that," I muttered.

"It is?" Nagisa asked her.

"You look stunning!" Ritsu added. "You too, Ni-Amelia."

"No I do not!" he hissed.

I smiled. "Thank you, Ritsu," I said, cocking my head to the side. I was basically cribbing all of Asuna's mannerisms, mixing them with the no-nonsense attitude of Shino when she was working.

Hayami turned and frowned thoughtfully. "Hm... Amelia's working it, but Nagisa, don't look so casual, tart it up," she told me and Nagisa. It's really weird hearing that come out of the normally-reserved sniper.

"Woah, wait, are you my _pimp_ all of a sudden?!"

I sighed. "Ladies, enough teasing Nagisa, no matter how much fun it is. Can we move along, please?"

"Fine," they sighed.

As we kept moving, Nagisa asked, "Where did you get these outfits anyway?"

"Next to the pool," Hayami replied. "Consider it an anonymous donation."

"Ah..." Nagisa sighed.

The boy was still blushing about all of this, one arm crossed over his stomach protectively, but Fuwa seemed to be enjoying herself. "Ugh, this place is disgusting," she said with a smile. "Let's unlock the door before some tool tries to hit on us."

"Don't even - you're milking this moment for all that it's worth," Nagisa snapped.

"Yo!"

A hand reached out to tap Nagisa's shoulder, but before it could touch him I caught the hand by the wrist. A quick glance showed the hand was empty, and a slightly longer glance told me that the boy the hand belonged to was similarly unarmed. He just wanted to talk to Nagisa, is all.

"Miss Nagisa," I said, playing role as 'her' friend and bodyguard. I need to _be_ Shino right now. _Be_ a calm and aloof girl, beautiful and fully willing to murder someone if they step out of line. …That was – that was a sentence, right there. I never thought I'd be thinking that sentence. "Someone would like to speak with you."

"Um..." he said, looking at me with a pleading look.

I just stepped to the side, giving him a wink and a grin for luck before schooling my face as I did my best to channel Shino when she was in GGO.

"How _you_ doing, shorty?" the boy said, grinning widely. His cheeks were flushed and I'm pretty sure his eyes were a little dilated, so he'd been here a while. "Papa wants to buy you a drink. Anything you want, heh heh."

Oh gods. Is this how flirting is supposed to be done? I'm so very glad I am asexual and have a stable relationship with Kana. This would be terrible.

If I were capable of it, I'd feel sorry for Nagisa.

A quick glance at the girls clued me in on just how _they_ felt about this dweeb; the sheer loathing in every single one of their gazes was almost startling.

"My treat," the dweeb in the baseball cap said. "For reals."

I looked at Kataoka, our unofficial leader. 'Can I just punch him out and leave?' the gaze said.

'Don't make a scene,' her reply read. My lips tightened and my shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"Go on, Nagisa," she said out loud, giving the blushing blue-haired boy a light shove on the shoulders. "Don't be an ice queen."

"Wha... I thought we had a deal!" he protested. I think I saw tears in his eyes.

Kataoka leaned in and whispered something to him. Whatever it was, I'm pretty sure it wasn't the answer he was looking for, if the pitiful look of despair was any clue to go by. "How did my life get to this place?" he moaned.

"You're evil," I whispered to Kataoka, grinning to make sure she didn't take offense. "Guess I'm off. Rescue us soon, ladies?"

As I started following Dweebus and Nagisa, Dweebus turned to me with a look of confusion. "Yo, the drink's only for her," he said with a jerk of his chin.

What a charmer. "I do not drink," I said, just loud enough to be heard over the dance music. It would hide any trace of masculinity in my voice, thankfully. "And moreover, I am Miss Nagisa's friend and guard assigned to her by her father. Where she goes, I go."

Nagisa gave me a look of relief.

"Just pretend I'm not here," I said. "Because I'll be doing the same," I muttered under my breath so Dweebus couldn't hear.

Nagisa gave me a look of betrayal.

"Whatever..." Dweebus said before turning back to Nagisa. "So, Nagisa's a really cute name for a girl. Anyway, I'm Yuji."

I turned and waved at the pack of E Class girls that had so cruelly abandoned us.

I followed Yuji and Nagisa to the table he selected, and stood casually behind Nagisa's shoulder. Fortunately, we were near a wall, so I was able to keep my back to that while keeping an eye on Yuji and Nagisa both. Yuji disappeared to get some drinks for himself and Nagisa, and I took the chance to lean over. "You know not to drink anything he gives you, right?"

"Professor Bitch gave us the clubbing lecture before finals, remember?" he replied. "Don't drink anything you're given unless you watched it being poured, and don't let go of your drink once you have it in your hands."

I nodded and leaned back. "I didn't want to deal with you getting drugged," I shrugged. "Anyway, I'll run interference if you start floundering, but don't expect much."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you," he grumbled sourly.

"Very much so." I nodded to the side. "Now act natural, he's coming."

"Act natural, he says..." I tapped his shin with my boot. Don't be surly.

"C'mon, drink up! I'm buyin," Yuji said, placing two glasses of a technicolor beverage on the table. "We're living large, tonight!"

"Uh..." Nagisa raised his hands and waved frantically. "I'm too..." He cut himself off. He still sounded a little boyish, there. "...Uh, I mean, I don't like the way alcohol tastes." I had to blink, impressed. If I didn't know what he really sounded like, I could buy that the girl's voice coming out of his mouth was natural.

"So what brings you to this place?" Nagisa asked while Yuji was busy guzzling his drink. No manners... I say, though my only real knowledge on how to drink alcoholic beverages is looking at Klein and doing the exact opposite. "Your friends?" He must be trying to stall for time, give the girls enough time to open the door and come rescue us from this idiot. "Your mom and dad?" ...Shit, I didn't think he'd be floundering this badly already.

"Mom and dad?" Yuji repeated. "As if the two of _them_ would give me the time of day," he said with a dismissive wave. "Hey, wanna know a secret?" he whispered. "Don't tell anyone, but my dad's on TV. Like, uber famous! You'd know him if you saw him, trust me. He's huge. Paparazzi hound him all the time, dude can't get away with jack."

Yuji grinned. "Least not in public. One time, he was telling me about this anchor chick he kept fondling under the table when they cut to commercial. He kept grabbing her ass, and she couldn't do anything about it." He laughed, like it was at all funny.

"That sounds skeezy," Nagisa said. "Does he brag about stuff like that?"

Does he just have a grudge against asses or something?

Either way, Yuji seemed to have enough presence of mind to realize that maybe, just maybe, bragging about his father's sexual harassment might not be the best way to impress a girl. Scowling, he rummaged in his pocket before taking out what looked like a cigarette box. When he pulled a stick out, though, it wasn't a cigarette. He just walked around with a box of blunts? What the hells.

"Uh," Nagisa said, "smoking's really bad for you. Especially that stuff."

"Heh," Yuji laughed. "What are you, the Surgeon General? Come on, it's cool. People just need to loosen up every once in a while."

Frowning, Nagisa reached over and pulled the stick from his fingers. "My teacher calls this a gateway substance," he said. "Says it puts unsuspecting kids on the road to addiction." Yuji didn't seem to take calmly to this; he gritted his teeth, glaring at the tabletop. "Recreational drugs aren't the answer to life's problems."

No. Violence is. Lots and lots of violence.

Yuji brought his fist up and slammed the table, rattling the glasses and making the ice clink. Nagisa flinched away, and I tensed. If he gets violent, I need to put him down quickly. "Yeah, well," he shouted, "what's your teacher know about _my_ problems? Guys have it rough. We gotta be cool twenty-four-seven just to score." Oh, good, let me just add that to a list of 'Things Never to Say Around My Sisters'. "You try being somebody when all people do is compare you to your celebrity dad!"

He leaned his head against his hand, sighing. "Girls, you don't have a _clue_ how it is! All you have to do is put on a little makeup, walk into a club, and take your pick!" And that's going on the list too. Cool, can I get a hat trick?

That being said, the girls Nagisa and I know have a lot more on their minds than just getting laid.

Yuji just leaned over the table and sulked quietly for the next few seconds or so, and I heaved a silent breath of relief when I spotted Kayano making her way over to us. "Nagisa! Amelia!" she called out once we were in range. As we looked over, she waved to us.

"Huh? Oh, hey there!" Nagisa said. "Well, uh, it's been nice," he said to Yuji awkwardly, "but yeah. Gotta go!" Nagisa all but bolted from the table and I followed close behind.

"Seriously?" I heard Yuji ask. Like he thought he'd impressed Nagisa by leading the conversation with his father, then throwing a fit when Nagisa told him not to smoke. "We just started talking!"

Nagisa looked back and gave him an awkward wave. "We'll do it again sometime!"

"Brutal," I said to Nagisa as we walked away, following Kayano. "Absolutely brutal. But you did good." He heaved a sigh of relief.

When we rejoined the rest of the girls, Nagisa frowned in relief. "Don't leave me alone like that again!" he hissed.

"You weren't alone, you had Amelia," Yada said.

"He was enjoying my suffering the most!"

"What?" I asked innocently, like butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. "Me? Never."

Kataoka shook her head. "Whatever. Look, we've got a problem."

I frowned. A problem? A quick glance around told me that there was a wall of muscle in a three piece suit between us and the door. Yeah, that qualifies as a problem. "Just what we need," Nagisa sighed. "At least tell me I can ditch the dress."

"Not so fast, ladies!"

I closed my eyes, swore under my breath, and then opened them again. Yuji, what the hells, dude? I know you're an idiot, but have _some_ shred of self-respect and recognize when a girl doesn't want to talk to you.

"You can't leave!" he said as vaguely familiar music started playing. Then he started having a seizure. "Not until you've taken in my signature dance moves!"

Oh. So that's what the vaguely rhythmic flailing he's doing is supposed to be.

None of the girls or Nagisa were having any of it. _Really?_ their faces seemed to be screaming.

Yuji, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to the fact that his 'signature dance moves' were having the opposite effect as desired. Namely, none of us were even remotely willing to drop pants for him.

After one particularly violent spasm that I guess was supposed to be the end of his dance routine, I winced. His arm had smacked into someone else's drink. More specifically, he'd spilled beer all over the arm of some dude that was about twice his size and probably three times his weight in muscle. "Well, what do we have here?" Bolt VanderHuge said. Seriously, dude, sunglasses in a club? What a tool. "A regular tough guy, huh?"

"Who, me?" Yuji whimpered, trying to back away.

Blast ThickNeck reached out and grabbed a fistful of Yuji's New York shirt, jerking him roughly. "Shut it!"

"I'm sorry!" he whimpered. "It was an accide-"

"This jacket's worth more than your life!" Beat PunchBeef interrupted him, jerking Yuji again to make his point. "Where do you live?"

While I was perfectly fine with just watching Yuji get the stuffing beat out of him, the girls ran the emotional gamut between blank nonplussed stare - Fuwa - resigned irritation - Kataoka - mild curiosity - Okano - and thoughtfulness - Yada. "This could be our chance," Yada whispered to Okano.

Okano nodded once.

"You're gonna pay to have it cleaned, understand?!" Chunky said. Yuji was trembling like a leaf in the wind. "You can cut me a check or I can take it out of your ass now!"

Ah, belligerent drunks. Where's Agil when you need him?

"Wait! My dad's good for the money, I promise!" Yuji exclaimed. "Just don't beat me up!"

Okano walked up to the pair of them. Okano, Agil, whatever works. "Excuse me, Mr. Yakuza?" she said sweetly. The two of them turned to look at her. This cute little girl, shorter than Yuji and barely coming up to Dirk HardPec's waist. I bet they were wondering what the hells she could want.

That was when Okano whipped her body forward and slammed the side of her foot into Punch RockGroin's chin. His glasses went flying off into the distance with the force of her kick, and I nodded in approval. Good riddance.

Bob Johnson - no, wait... - tumbled to the ground, knocked unconscious by the powerful kick, and Yuji sprawled on his butt, shaking. Okano came back over to us, and I nodded. "You weren't kidding," I said. "That _was_ new."

"Yeah, but now you know about it," she sighed. "It was supposed to catch you surprise."

"I'm sure I'll still be very surprised in the future."

"One, two," Kataoka and Hayami said, lifting the unconscious guy and dragging him off to the side.

"Mr. Bouncer," Yada called out. "We have a situation here. I think this man's had one too many tequila shots. Someone's gonna trip over the poor guy."

"Thanks for pointing it out," the bouncer said to her before hurrying over to the prone body. "Upsy-daisy, lightweight," he muttered, hoisting him up and starting to carry him off. "There we go."

"Alright girls, go for it!" Kataoka hissed once the bouncer had walked off.

As Fuwa, Okano, and Kayano ran for the door, Yada turned to Yuji. "You take those signature moves back to the dance floor, okay?" she said, pressing a finger to her lips. "You didn't see anything." She ran to join the rest of the girls.

Nagisa stepped over to Yuji. I paused by the entrance and waited patiently. "If you're anything like me," he said, "you probably feel humiliated. It _is_ hard being a guy if you think it's all about playing it cool." He grinned at the guy. "Don't try so hard! Just do you."

"You really think so?" Yuji muttered.

"Word to the wise for whenever we meet again," Nagisa added. "The coolest thing anyone can do is be themselves."

Outside, I saw Fuwa open the door and run outside, raising a hand. She must be signaling the rest of E Class.

"Nagisa," I called. With a final grin at Yuji, he turned and made his way over to me. I raised an eyebrow at the spots of pink on his cheeks, and then looked at Yuji. "Someone has an admirer," I said drily as we stepped into the stairwell, the music getting muffled as soon as the doors closed. "You make a good pure maiden, as I think Hayami phrased it."

"Nick, stop!" he wailed, the spots of pink turning back into flushes of mortification.

"That was some rather questionable territory you had to navigate," Korosensei said to the girls once everyone had made it inside. "No one got... handsy with you, I hope?"

Yada shook her head. "We held our own," Kataoka said.

"Ugh," Nagisa sighed, walking back. He was back in his male clothes.

"Oh, you changed out of your dress," Kayano said. "That was fast."

He sighed. "Not fast enough."

"Huh?" Kayano asked. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," Nagisa muttered. "I feel so stupid," he continued. "I mean, let's face it, you girls didn't need me or Nick in there. We didn't contribute anything."

"You were comic relief, dude!" Karma said brightly, holding up his cellphone with a picture of crossdressing Nagisa displayed. "That's big!"

"Delete that immediately!" Nagisa shouted.

Kayano just giggled. "You did a lot, Nagisa," she reassured him. "I know one person who's better off because you were there."

"You're not getting changed?" Fuwa asked me.

I shook my head. "Not right now, since we're running low on time and it'll be a pain to get out of these pants." I have this weird… thing about people seeing my legs. I don't know why. It's not like I have any hang-ups about being naked in front of people, but I just… don't like people seeing my legs. Don't care about my scar, hells, my entire upper body, at all. Even shorts pushed it; anything above the knee was right out. "And besides, the clothes aren't so bad as I can't stand them for a little bit longer."

"Why not just the shirt and shoes, then?" she asked.

"Because then my outfit wouldn't match and I wouldn't look adorable and absolutely fabulous," I said flatly. "I'll just get changed when nobody's looking."

Okano grinned at me. "It's okay. You can get changed here, we won't -"

 _Rage flooded through me as she questioned me. "I'll get changed later, when nobody's looking," I growled._ After a heartbeat, it receded and I winced at the look of consternation on her face. "Seriously, it's fine. I'll just change in the stairs or something, not like anyone's gonna be looking there.

"Okay..." she said, stepping away from me. "If you're sure."

And I did; I just drifted behind, letting the others pull ahead on the spiral staircase. After they were mostly out of sight, I slipped off the boots and pants before slipping my cargo pants back on and lacing my shoes up. Then I hurried to catch up; I could change shirts with the rest of them.

I handed the pants and boots off to one of the girls before accepting my simple grey shirt and shrugging off the blouse. "Not gonna lie," I heard Isogai say, "that dress looked good on you." He must be talking to Nagisa. "Historically, an assassin that can pull off either gender is a huge asset in the field."

"What were you saying about my huge something or other?" I asked him, grinning.

"Asset," he repeated, grinning back. "Not whatever you were thinking, Nick."

"I don't like where this is going," Nagisa muttered.

Karma grinned at Nagisa. "He's right. 'Cept I'm not so sure I buy you as a dude."

"I'd really appreciate if you dropped the subject!" Heh. It's funny when he gets flustered about this.

"We're trying to be stealthy," Karasuma scolded us. "Keep your voice down." He was looking a lot better; he was still sweating and leaning on Isogai to make it up the steps, but instead of Isogai basically helping him up every step Karasuma was just using the boy to make sure he didn't stumble. His recovery time was ridiculous.

"Right," Nagisa said. "Yes, sir."

"We're in this operation's final phase," Karasuma told us. "Talk to me, Ritsu."

Nagisa pulled out his phone. "Yes, sir," she said. "The VIP floor's just around the corner. The guests here don't rely solely on hotel security, though. They make it a point of bringing their own." Well, it explains why one of the two guards to the next staircase was wearing a leather vest instead of a professional-looking suit.

I frowned. "Ritsu, you've taken control of the security cameras, right?"

"Yes, I have," she reported.

"Oh, good." I smiled. "That means we can knock these guys out instead of trying to sneak around. I guess find a good spot and loop it for us? We shouldn't take too long, but better safe than sorry."

"Will do!"

"Man," Sugaya mumbled, "these guys look like they eat Rent-A-Cops for breakfast."

Okano pouted. "I'm demoralized."

"You think they're in league with our target, or what?" Yada asked. "I mean, technically they could be anybody's minions, right?"

They're still good experience. The higher in floors we go, the more experience and loot we'll receive from defeating the mobs, even if meeting them won't immediately fail the stealth mission.

"Who cares?" Terasaka asked, cracking his knuckles. "Either way, we're gonna have to take 'em down to get through." I looked at him before shrugging.

"Excellent point, Terasaka," Korosensei said. We turned to look at them. "And to that end, the weapon you're hiding in your backpack will more than suffice."

"Tch," Terasaka grunted. "Great, you have X-ray vision in this form, too?"

"You'll have to take both guards down at once," Karasuma told us as Terasaka started rooting through his backpack. "Keep them from calling for backup."

"Kinda figured as much, thanks," Terasaka replied sourly. "Kimura, help me out. I'll wait, you go out there and lead 'em this way."

"Dude, you crazy?" Kimura asked. It was a valid question. "How'm I supposed to do that?"

"You figure it out!"

Karma leaned over, grinning mischievously. "I've got a good idea, if you're not a wuss," he taunted.

After he whispered into Kimura's ear, the runner sighed. "Good an idea as any." He handed Korosensei off to Nagisa and stepped out into the hall, walking towards the two guards.

"What'd you tell him to say?" I asked Karma.

His devil horns and tail were showing. "Oh, you'll see."

They turned to look at him. "Help you, kid?" the one wearing a suit rumbled out.

Kimura very clearly took a deep breath before starting to look left and right. "Oh wow!" he laughed. "Not a single active brain cell in sight! Nope! Just two big dumb walls of meat wearing clothes. Someone really oughta call animal control," he said, turning away. "Sheesh."

I paused. "...You're an evil genius, Karma."

"I know." The smug was palpable.

"Only use your powers for good."

"My good or your good?"

"Preferably mine, but I'm fine with whatever so long as it's amusing and doesn't actually interfere with me."

After a few seconds of silence, I heard a thunderous rampage as two massive beasts started charging. "C'mere!" one of the guards shouted as they pounded towards Kimura.

"Why're ya runnin'?!" the other shouted.

Fortunately for Kimura, he was the fastest one in E Class. Guess it did the trick.

"Who the hell _is_ this little pissant?!" Guard 1 shouted.

"And why's he so fast?!" Guard 2 shouted.

Kimura blew by the entrance to the stairs, where Terasaka and Yoshida were lying in wait. "Let's do it!" Terasaka shouted, turning and running out into the hall with Yoshida right behind him.

"Right behind ya!" Yoshida shouted.

Stop reading my mind, Yoshida.

I peeked around the corner and watched as Terasaka and Yoshida bodychecked the guards, knocking them flat on their backs. With grunts of exertion, the two boys lifted thin black rods and thrust them at the necks of the guards.

As electricity crackled and danced, I blinked. "Wait," Nagisa gasped. "Why stun guns?"

"Well, I bought them to see if they'd be any good against the octopus," Terasaka said. "But I never thought I'd be using them on actual people!"

Kataoka said, "Those cost a fortune! How'd you afford equipment like this?"

Terasaka paused. "Uh... I came into some money." Sketchy... He probably got bribed by Shiro to help out with the lake assassination attempt. "Odd jobs, mostly, nothing special." Yeah, he totally got bribed.

Karasuma jolted suddenly. He was staring at the two unconscious men.

Maybe he just thought they looked gross. One was drooling.

"Excellently done, Terasaka," Korosensei praised him. "I don't believe it would be remiss to rifle through their pockets, do you?"

"Uh?" Terasaka started searching through the body's jacket pocket for any drops.

"A bit of due diligence, and one can find the most useful of items on such gentlemen."

My eyes widened as Terasaka held up two pistols. They looked like revolvers, and I could tell the rest of the class was just as surprised at what I saw. _Real_ guns?

And then, more importantly, I moved over to the bodies and started patting them down for their wallets.

"That's correct, children," Korosensei was saying.

Ah hah! Found them.

...Well, gods damn. It must have been cash up front for these two lackeys. "Here, Kimura," I said, pressing some of the cash into his hands. "Thanks for kiting."

"...What?"

But I was already moving away. "Chiba, Hayami," Korosensei said. "I think you two should be the ones to have them." Both of our top shots gasped in shock. "Alas, Mr. Karasuma hasn't yet sufficiently recovered from his encounter with Smog to handle a gun. The reality of our situation is this: you two are our best sharpshooters."

"That's kinda out of left field, sir," Chiba protested.

"That said," Korosensei said. I glanced at him, only to see 'No killing' written on his forehead, along with a cross-shaped scar on his cheek. "I'll allow no killing. That I won't." I don't get the reference.

"Do not underestimate your skill," he continued as the two of them accepted their guns, staring at them dubiously. "In the right hands, a firearm is all the more impressive for _not_ causing injury."

Chiba flicked open the chamber of the revolver and stared at it. Real bullets? We've never used real bullets before.

It's not a big deal, really. Live ammo, air guns, they're all tools in the end. Weapons aren't right or wrong. It's the wielder that needs to think about their actions.

"Shall we proceed, children?" Korosensei asked us. I decided to take his approach towards the whole subject and trust that Chiba and Hayami could handle the guns appropriately. "If our experience thus far is anything to go on," he said, "the enemy's presence here is relatively modest." True. If they owned the entire building, we'd have been going through a metric ton of guards, not just... those two clowns. "By even the most conservative estimate, we've thinned their ranks by half."

"Yeah!" Terasaka shouted, clenching a fist. "That's what I'm sayin'! Who's he got left?"

I just sighed and shook my head.

"Okay, team, proceed with caution," Ritsu told us. "The next stage of infiltration is the VIP only emergency staircase. There's an empty concert hall on the eighth floor we'll have to sneak through in order to access it."

"Well, you heard the lady," I said to nobody in particular. "Let's be about this, people."

Up the stairs and towards the concert hall we crept. Nobody interrupted us, and I fought the rising tension. A concert hall? Empty? That was a mini-boss arena if I'd ever heard of one.

We slipped into the auditorium one at a time, taking care to stay low and to the ground. We'd been drilled on how to enter a room stealthily, after all, and we weren't out of the woods just yet.

That's what let us scramble for a hiding spot when someone entered the room.

It was dark, so I'm pretty sure the person walking on stage didn't see us, but I grimaced nonetheless. I hate when I'm right, sometimes. Okay, that's a lie, I never hate it when I'm right, but gods damn it couldn't I have been wrong this once? Ugh. I don't want to fight another mini-boss this soon.

The man was slurping on something, I could hear him going at it as his bootsteps echoed through the silent auditorium. Suddenly, he paused. "Hm?" His bloodthirst flared and I know he knew we were there. I don't know how, but I know.

We crouched behind the seats, ready for our next fight.

Let's do this.

* * *

 **We're halfway through the infiltration arc, hooray! This chapter was a hell of a lot of fun to write, because we got some combat – Karma being the star, but Okano got her kicks (hah!) too. Some nice character development on a few people's parts, some jokes here and there… Yeah, I liked this one. I mean, I like** _ **most**_ **of them, but this one in particular.**

 **Karma's fight with Grip (Nick actually guessed the name right. Imagine his surprise when he finds out.) was basically a little sneaky way of me showing how much Nick's skill has progressed. Before he used to just see the solid hits, or the ones that were important. Now he's seeing more than that; the aborted strikes, the ducking and dodging, the flow of the battle. (I've cheated and used the flow before, though Nick only knew of it as the 'orchestra' or the 'rhythm' of the fight. Now he can understand why.) He also can pick out the individual techniques, despite the speed of the exchanges. As for Karma himself, he's learned a lot too. Mainly, how to torture someone with spice.**

 **The club scene was a lot of fun to write as well. First, because I got to indulge my once-a-story/once-an-arc habit of making Nick crossdress (at this point, the only arcs where he** _ **hasn't**_ **done so is GGO, where it would defeat the purpose thanks to Kirito already being, well, Kirito, and ALO because there just wasn't time. 'What about SAO arc?' I hear nobody asking. …shut up it probably happened during a time skip. And if it** _ **did**_ **happen it was probably Asuna's fault). Second, because the girls really are some of my favorite characters in the Class. They have a more varied character set than the guys, who are pretty often some variation of 'dude being a bro' or 'dude being perverted'. I mean, obviously there's a lot more depth to them than that, but the girls tend to be a bit more colorful? At least, in my opinion. And I got to have a little bit of fun with that here. Also I got to make Nagisa suffer, which is almost as amusing as making Nick suffer.**

 **Also surprising nobody that's on the 4th wall side of inner monologues, Nick is a fan of MST3K.**

 **You also might be noticing a few sentences in this chapter and the previous one all in italics, usually after Nick starts feeling Rage. That's on purpose, because Nick's basically shifting to a different thought pattern but is aware of the difference? It's for emphasis on how long the rage is lasting, let's say. As for the end of the chapter, not much; they took out a few guys, Nick stole their cash (and Korosensei ignored it because it's not like Nick would put it back even if instructed to do so), Chiba and Hayami stole their guns (and I know the reference, but Nick doesn't) and now they're hiding in a concert hall as some dude slurps on something on the stage.**

 **(I swear it's not sexual in nature. I think. Pretty sure.)**

 **(…It's not rated M, let's say.)**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**

* * *

 **Canon Omake: Girl Time**

The girls watched as Nagisa reluctantly walked off with that creep, Nick trailing along behind them. The two boys had both agreed to crossdress and accompany the girls into the bar, one with slightly more patience than the other. Fuwa had enjoyed teasing Nagisa about his appearance, though Nick seemed to accept his feminine attire with his usual equanimity.

"Okay, let's make a break for it!" Kataoka exclaimed. The other girls nodded and they quickly turned and walked away, leaving Nagisa and Nick to their fates.

"I think we go up the side stairs," Kataoka said. "Let me check the map."

"Do you really think Nick's only crossdressed a few times before?" Yada asked Fuwa idly while they picked their way through the crowds. "He seemed really natural about it."

"I don't know," Fuwa said, "but I like it. He pulls off the look."

Yada giggled. "Did you see Nagisa's face? Poor guy was beet red." Privately, she thought both of the guys looked cute like that, even though her compass was pointed straight towards Kataoka.

"Right," Kataoka said. "Should be just up ahead, a little further."

Now that they had their bearings, the girls started to move towards their objective – only to be blocked as a pair of older guys stepped in front of them. "Hey, hey!" one of them said, the one with a necklace. "What's the hurry, doll?"

The one with a beanie and sunglasses grinned, "You girls look like you could use a little company."

"Uh…" the girls hesitated. They could handle themselves, but that was the reason they brought the guys along, to have some form of excuse.

"Is this what I have to look forward to every time we go out?" Kataoka hissed under her breath. "Look, _bro_ ," she spat, "I hate to disappoint you–"

Yada placed a hand on her shoulder and stepped forward with a wink. "Yada?" Kataoka mumbled.

"Hiya, boys!" Yada chirped. "Wow, you two are stacked! Look," she said, "we'd love to chill, but our daddies keep us on a short leash. Yeah, I know it sucks, but what are you gonna do?" She tossed a small golden pin in the air and caught it before showing it to the guys. "Helicopter parents," she sighed, still smiling.

"Th-that's a… Yakuza pin!" Necklace whimpered.

"Not just any Yakuza pin," Beanie said. "That's one from the relatively-small-but-absolutely-terrifying Shuei Syndicate!"

"I asked really nicely and my daddy gave this to me," Yada said with a wink. "It's cute, so maybe I'll put it on my bag."

"Sorry we bothered you!" the two guys shouted before turning and literally running away.

Yada grinned. "Okay bye!" she sang. "That's how you separate the men from the boys," she said with a wink.

"Why do you have a Yakuza pin?" Kayano asked the question all the girls were thinking, staring at Yada in amazement.

Yada grinned as the girls started moving for the exit again, Kataoka in the lead. "It's obviously a loaner. Those guys were just wimps."

"Oh!" Kayano exclaimed. "That's from Professor Bitch's pin collection!"

"That woman is something else!" Yada said. "Yakuza overlord, horse breeder, any pin you can think of, she's got it." She'd showed Yada the box, once. It literally covered her desk. " _And_ knows how to walk the walk."

"Wow, that line of work totally fascinates you, doesn't it, Yada?" Kayano asked. "You're always picking her brain about different stuff."

"Yeah!" Yada agreed. "It's like Korosensei always says about our second blade. And Professor Bitch has more than two." The group paused as Yada raised her hand, fingers extended to mimic a knife blade. "I like an extensive skillset. See, whatever job she's dropped into, she has a strategy. That's what you call serious life competence."

The other girls were smiling at Yada's enthusiasm, even if Hayami's was just a small curve of her lips. "I bet one day," Fuwa said, "when you grow up, you'll be _exactly_ like her!"

"Ugh!" Kayano mumbled. "Never thought I'd respect a girl with huge melons!"

Okano gasped. 'Wow!' she thought. 'Kayano's made a real breakthrough, everyone!'

"Okay," Kataoka said, glancing back at them. "There's the door." She frowned. "They have a guard posted, though… We didn't count on that."

Fuwa sighed. "Not to be _that_ girl, but I think we might need a man for this."

"Well, damn," Kataoka grumbled. "Okay, Kaede, go and rescue the boys."

"Sure!" Kayano nodded and turned to push through the crowd in search of Nagisa and Nick.

"Get a load of _that_ face," Okano said as the remaining five girls glared daggers at the bouncer. "Something tells me we'd be better off _not_ engaging."

"Hell, even if we could take this guy," Hayami murmured, "he won't go down without making noise."

 **Because the girls had some fun, and I wanted to show it off despite Nick being busy guarding Nagisa at the time. (also yes it's canon that Yada has a crush on Kataoka shut up it's the same in the source material)**


	22. XX Time

**Pre-chapter author's note: The real title of the chapter isn't XX Time, so, uh… yeah. Have fun with the placeholder.**

* * *

 **Chapter 22: XX Time**

As we were approaching the concert hall on the eight floor, the one we needed to go through to get to the VIP staircase, I shivered.

"Nick?" Nagisa asked. "Is something wrong?"

I frowned. "No, I just had a chill go down my spine." That was the kind of chill that told me that someone, somewhere, was being a total creep and needed to have their shit pushed in.

Weird.

The concert hall was empty when we slipped inside; it was pretty dark, though my eyes adjusted quickly enough to the lack of light. I followed the others inside, staying low to the ground and using the nice chairs as cover. Man, I wish I had a desk chair this nice.

Someone in front of me sucked in a breath, and I froze. "Footsteps!" Fuwa hissed.

Immediately, we scattered, ducking behind whatever chairs were nearby and hiding.

Now that nobody was moving and the rustling of feet on carpet was gone, I could hear the footsteps Fuwa had called out. They were coming from the other side of the stage - from the exit to the VIP stairs.

Damn, damn, triple damn. I'd worried about this being a mini-boss coliseum, and it looked like I was right.

A door creaked open in the darkness and I shifted to a quiet breathing pattern, making sure my lungs expanded fully as I inhaled and exhaled as infrequently as possible. The footsteps were louder now, coming from the wooden stage. Along with... slurping?

A figure stopped in the center of the stage. Tall-ish, wearing a coat, with spiked hair. "Fifteen," the man said. "No, wait... Sixteen total. And young. Mid-teens, or thereabouts." My eyes widened, but other than that I didn't move. How had he already picked out our numbers? I hadn't seen the telltale red glow of security cameras when entering. "You can tell by their breathing." He's _listening_ to us? Holy shit, that's impressive. Especially with some students next to each other. "Everyone not laid up with the virus is here."

Suddenly I heard a bang and saw a bright flash. Glass shattered as the bullet smashed one of the spotlights behind him. Beside me, Fuwa covered her ears and Okano huddled against the chair's back. He has a real gun. Shit. This is bad. He knows our numbers and he has a weapon designed to kill us from a distance. Even Smog and Grip had to get up close to _really_ affect us once we'd entered their range.

"FYI!" Gun called out. "This room is completely soundproof! You'll all be swiss cheese long before anyone comes to the rescue." Eh. I prefer gouda myself. It's sharper. "Come on," Gun said, twirling the gun he was holding in his hand. "We all know you ain't got the grits for homicide. Surrender like good little boys and girls and we'll go see the -"

Another bullet blasted out, shattering the second spotlight. Gun froze, gritting his teeth, and I glanced over towards the source of the bullet. Hayami flinched back, her gun smoking, and I nodded, impressed. As intimidation moves go, that was fairly talented; it showed that we were perfectly willing to fire live ammo, but would prefer to end this non-violently. She didn't seem thrilled about the shot, though. Maybe she was aiming for something else? I have no way of knowing.

Gun, at least, seemed startled by our possession of firearms. He must not have stopped to check on those boys we'd taken care of earlier. After a second of thoughtfulness, he raised a remote and I closed my left eye out of instinct.

It was a good call, since the stage exploded into light a second later. Wincing, I squinted, trying to keep an eye on his silhouette despite the super-bright backlighting. No good. I'd have to wait until my eyes adjusted to the light, now. Sighing, I cracked my left eye open and waited out the painful period.

"This is shaping up to be a job I can really sink my teeth into!" Gun's silhouette said, tossing the remote aside with a clatter.

I gritted my teeth, peeking out at him after removing my glasses. It screwed with my vision, but it wouldn't reflect as much light this way, and with the stage lights to his back Gun didn't need to worry about _his_ vision being affected. I mean, we _could_ just wait him out until he got heatstroke - those lights are _really_ hot and he's wearing long pants and a coat - but by then the hour would be up and we'd lose the quest reward.

Damn.

Gun cackled as my mind scrambled to come up with a plan. "This is gonna be like a four-star kill'n'cook free for all!" Gun exclaimed, pointing his gun. Looks to be a revolver, just like the one Hayami and Chiba have. Also, apropos of nothing, but what's with the food terms? Is his nickname Gourmet or something?

A shot rang out and Hayami flinched away. I studied her carefully, but she seemed unharmed. Good. "I never forget an enemy's position once they've fired," Gun said, his gun barrel smoking. "Acquired that trick in the army. Think of it as battlefield synesthesia. I can echolocate the source of hostile gunfire with pinpoint accuracy _and_ check my own gun by taste."

He put his gun in his mouth and started slurping. Wouldn't... But he just fired, wouldn't that scorch the ever-loving shit out of his tongue? Why would he do that? Also something something unsanitary but whatever. He'd bragged about his abilities.

Awareness of enemy positions - that's how he located Hayami after her single shot. Enhanced accuracy - that's how he fired at her even from that distance, through what looked like the seat rows if her panicked flinch was any indication. If it's just that, I might have a plan. But how to communicate it without giving away my own location?

"Now then," Gun said around his gun barrel before taking it out of his mouth. "I know there's one more stolen firearm out there.

"Stand by, Hayami! Hold your position."

Oh, good. I don't have to worry about communicating my plan.

Because Korosensei's got one.

"Wise decision not to fire, Chiba," Korosensei praised him. "Well played. Our opponent doesn't have a lock on you yet. Hang tight and wait for my signal!" Wait, where was Korosensei, anyway? "I'll keep an eye on him and tell you when it's time to shoot."

I 'asked' the question to Isogai through hand signals - the Korosensei sign wasn't very creative, literally just Fast Octopus - and he signed back that Korosensei was up front. Guess that answers how the octopus was keeping an eye on Gun, even though he couldn't move in his Absolute Defense Form.

By the way Gun was looking, he didn't know where Korosensei was, either; at least, he didn't until Korosensei started laughing. That was when Gun opened fire on something, and I counted - one, two, three shots at Korosensei. Then he reloaded. Five bullets, understood. "Hey! You in the front row! Don't stare at me!" He opened fire again. Yeah, definitely not gonna be able to use the reload time as a window of opportunity.

The five shots plinked off of Korosensei's invulnerable shell harmlessly. "Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" he laughed. "Seasoned marksman versus adolescent assassins! Our modest advantage will, I think, be quite enough.

"Okay, Kimura!" he shouted. "Run five seats to your left!" The boy in question streaked across the aisle. "Terasaka and Yoshida, dash three seats to either side!"

Ah, I see. He's playing a shell game with the gun, shuffling us students around until Chiba was in a good position to fire and Gun didn't know where he was.

"You've made a blind spot. Kayano, two rows forward and to the gap!" The small girl scrambled forward on hands and knees to slip to the next row. "Karma and Fuwa! Move eight seats right! Isogai, five seats left!"

As Korosensei kept calling out orders, we kept switching seats. We were fast enough to get to our new position before Gun could get a bead on us. We're shuffling to prevent him from getting a bead on Chiba, naturally. The only problem I see so far is that if he can know where any shot came from, he has to have a good memory for people's positions. With Korosensei calling out our names each time, it's only a matter of time before Gun knows who's about to move and gets a shot off.

I crouched in my new spot, several rows forward and in a different seating section than when I started, waving at Hayami who'd ended up at the other side of the row. If that happened, and Gun managed to tag one of us... "Student twelve!" Korosensei suddenly barked, and my lips curled up smugly. Gotcha, teach. "Move right, and continue prepping!" Twelve... I rolled my eyes up and frowned. Sugaya, I think?

"Students four and five, train your camera on the target from between the seats! Use Ritsu to keep Chiba apprised of his movements on stage!"

Four and five was Okano and Kataoka. "Ponytail! Shift your position to the front left! Motorcycle fan, you as well! Two seats down. Two tentacles, use this diversion to go across the aisle and three seats in!" Oop, that's me. I ghosted across the aisle while Gun was busy looking towards Yada and Yoshida while they slipped to the left.

"The student who checked out Takebayashi's favorite maid cafe only to discover he kinda liked it, discombobulate the target by kicking up a racket!"

Who...

"You rat bastard!" Terasaka screamed, banging on the seat back in front of him. "That's nobody's business but mine! How'd you even know?!"

Huh. I, uh, did _not_ see that one coming.

After a few more shuffles - my other titles were, as Korosensei called me, 'Student twenty-seven', 'Back row computer geek', and 'American student', which were interesting enough - I peeked out through the gap of the seats. Gun was frozen, head swiveling left and right as he tried vainly to keep up with Korosensei's near-perfect knowledge of our characters and hobbies.

"Alright, Chiba," Korosensei said. "The moment of truth is upon us! Get your bearings, my boy. When I give the command, fire at will."

Gun responded by holding his gun at the ready and muttering, "Crap! Where is he!"

"Hayami, you're on follow-up as needed," Korosensei said. "Focus on blocking the enemy's evasive maneuvers. Now," he said, "a word of advice to our cool-headed sharpshooters, who flubbed the assassination attempt earlier today."

I blinked. Really? He's bringing that up now? How was it their fault, anyway?

"Don't let one failure overshadow the skills you've worked so hard to cultivate," Korosensei said to them. "The best of us fall short of our abilities from time to time." My lips tightened. I couldn't. I couldn't fall short. But I _did_ but I _couldn't_ shut up shut UP SHUT UP. "You maintain a facade of stoic nonchalance, but feel burdened by the confidence your classmates place in you all the same. Few guess at your inner anguish, but it's there, just beneath the surface."

I winced. Both of them had fallen to E Class because of low grades; interestingly enough, they started out doing very well, only to slowly slide downhill as the previous school year progressed.

Yeah, I had Ritsu crack the school's database. Good info was hard to find, after all.

But I guess that could be because their classmates saw how hard the two of them worked and placed the burden of group projects and note-taking on the two of them.

"You're not alone in this," Korosensei said gently. "You give it a brave face, but you needn't bear the pressure on your own. If you miss the shot, there's a fallback strategy. We'll play hot potato with the gun, and continue shuffling until our foe has no _idea_ where the next shot will come from. The reason that strategy will work is because everyone here has tasted the agony of defeat.

"Yes, there's pressure," he continued, "but your classmates are in the same boat. Learn to take solace in that."

I exhaled, peeking out at Gun again carefully. He was just standing there, motionless. If I were him, while Korosensei had been giving the two snipers the pep talk I would have been doing my best to map out who'd been moved where, as well as I could. If he could narrow down which students definitely _didn't_ have the gun - that was, everyone except Hayami and Chiba - he could ignore those possible lines of fire.

Where would he be aiming? I haven't been able to pay attention to all of the commands Korosensei was giving us, the way I was forcing myself to explode into motion at a moment's notice.

"Okie-dokie!" Korosensei announced. "Here we go."

Gun seemed relaxed enough to start licking his gun again, so he had _some_ sort of counter to this attack planned out. I just wish I could figure out what he was going to do...

"Student twelve!" Korosensei roared. "Stand and fire now!"

Wait, what? Student twelve was -

I whipped my head back towards where Sugaya had been crouched, only to see a figure in a dark blue jacket pop up from his seat. It was holding a gun.

I only had an instant to see it before Gun laughed triumphantly and fired a bullet. I didn't see where it hit, but our side definitely got tagged, toppling backwards. I grinned; the figure was just a doll Sugaya must have prepared, with one of the Korosensei pistols strapped to its hands. It had just been a decoy.

Chiba rolled out into the aisle to Gun's right, popping up into an aiming position. "That's where you want to aim!" Ritsu said.

"You got it," he said, before pulling the trigger.

The shot echoed out and he toppled backwards from the recoil of the weapon.

When nothing happened, I gritted my teeth and prepared to keep shuffling so that we could try again. Gun stood frozen for a moment, as though his mind was too busy making sure he wasn't shot, before he started laughing. "Nice shootin' there, son!" he taunted. "Too bad!" he said as he aimed at Chiba, crouched in the aisle. "Now I know -"

That's when the ceiling fell on him.

Or, well, to be more accurate, a lighting rig swung down and slammed into his back. I stared as Gun choked, sending spittle everywhere. Chiba had aimed for the brackets holding the stage lights up, not Gun or his gun.

Gun slumped from the impact. "That's not... fair..." he gritted out, pulling himself upright and taking aim at Chiba again. "Rh!"

Another bullet slammed into Gun's gun and knocked it from his hand, sending it skittering across the stage. Hayami had stood up from _her_ hiding spot and blasted it from his hand.

Disarmed and probably having problems breathing, what with the stage lights slamming into his back hard enough to shatter the glass, Gun collapsed.

"Tag him and bag him!" Terasaka crowed, running up to the stage. Kayano giggled as she and the others followed.

Sugaya, on the other hand, was still lugging that dummy that he'd somehow managed to construct under heavy fire. I glanced at its forehead, or more accurately the ragged hole Gun's bullet had pierced. Dead center, even with half a second to aim. Scary. "Just make a scarecrow in total silence," Sugaya grumbled. "No big."

"That was a white-knuckled ride," Karasuma said while I watched the others busy themselves tying up Gun. "I'm impressed they held it together." Terasaka was probably enjoying himself a little bit too much. "I know pros who would have tanked."

"With a balance of opportunity and motivation," Korosensei replied, "anyone can expand their horizon. They just have to move out of their comfort zone. But we can't often do so on our own. We need a foe to challenge our complacency, force us to draw upon resources we never knew we had."

Chiba and Hayami had made their way up to stage now and were being hailed as heroes of the hour. Everyone was cheering happily, chatting away and grinning like, well, actual middle-school kids.

"That, you see," Korosensei said, "is precisely why I became a teacher. To spark potential. To give my students both the opportunity to succeed, and the motivation."

Hayami was playing it cool, but the girls all loved her skill. Chiba was busy chatting with Isogai, and the rest of the boys were busy talking about the bound-and-gagged Gun.

The two of our heroes turned and locked eyes for a second. Then, with easy grins, they bumped their forearms together in a kind of handshake. Naturally, they were still holding their guns in their hands.

All smiles and self-confidence.

"Chiba, Hayami," I said, stepping up to them. The two of them turned to me. C'mon, Nick, you've practiced stuff like this before. This is off the cuff, but it should share several facets with my previously-rehearsed lines that I can use. "I just wanted to let you know that... in the future, I'll build plans around multiple stages of attack, just like Korosensei did. So that… even if the first, uh, fails, there are subsequent options."

That should take a little bit of the pressure off of them, I think. I'd tried to phrase it in a way that didn't make it sound like I'd downgraded my estimate of their skill, but I'm actually surprisingly bad at talking to people and _not_ pissing them off. I hope they didn't get the wrong impression, because that would suck.

"And, um... sorry," I muttered. "For not recognizing it earlier." They could handle it, I _knew_ that they'd been capable, but I guess I'd put too much weight on their shoulders earlier.

Chiba and Hayami didn't reply right away, and I braced myself to explain what I had really meant, but then they both grinned. "Thanks, Nick," Chiba said. "But you don't have to worry about it too much."

"We'll be fine," Hayami told me with a muted smile. Practically beaming, for her.

I nodded and walked away.

Huh. That went better than expected.

I'd fist pump, if it wouldn't look stupid.

Screw it. I fist pumped anyway, subtly so that nobody could see.

Moving along, we slipped out the side door and headed up the VIP stairs. We're almost there, we're on the boss floor now. As we reached the top of the stairs and started prowling through the halls, our front line held up a hand and we stopped. "There's a guard," Kataoka whispered. "Terasaka, can you -"

"Let me handle this."

I stared in amazement as the bald guy was literally yanked off of his feet. "That's not too bad," Karasuma said as he casually choked the man to unconsciousness, covering his mouth with one hand. "Looks like a good portion of my mobility's back." The guard went limp and Karasuma let him drop. "I think I'm up to about half strength."

That was _half_? Holy shit, how much has he been holding back when training me? How have my ribs not inverted? How are my bones not _dust_?

"Which means you're about twice as badass as an average human being," Kimura whispered.

"Why didn't we just send him on this mission alone?" Kataoka wondered.

I rolled my eyes. "Because we didn't think things through and were too busy getting fired up about rescuing our party members?" I asked quietly. She looked at me, then shrugged.

We peeked around the corner that Karasuma was gripping. I saw a glass door with an ornate flight of steps hidden behind it. Well, I think we've found the boss door, folks. "That'll lead us to the top floor, right?" Nagisa asked.

"Yep," Kayano murmured.

Isogai checked his watch for the time remaining. "We're seriously coming down to the wire," he said.

"Everyone," Ritsu said as our phones chirped, "I hacked into a webcam on a laptop on the top floor. We can observe the situation from here."

I peered at the screen she was showing us. "The entire upper floor has been reserved. As far as I can tell," Ritsu said, "the only one remaining is this man here." I peered at the silhouette; like Gun, he was illuminated from behind so I couldn't make out his features. All I could tell was that he was smoking and watching a monitor that had -

Oh what the actual fuck. "Aren't those the guys infected by the virus on the TV?" Yoshida asked, staring at his phone's screen.

"I can tell he's getting off by watching them, the damn psycho," Terasaka gritted out, teeth clenched.

I _really_ wish I could have Ritsu cut off the security cameras, but if I did that he'd know something was up.

"Children!" Korosensei interrupted my thoughts and I had to make a conscious decision to relax my jaw. "It occurs to me, the mastermind waiting for us above is not attuned to his resources. In fact, thus far his hired hands have been egregiously misused."

I frowned. If he puts it that way, our defeat of three seasoned veterans sounds way less impressive. "Lookouts? Glorified bouncers? This isn't how one employs assassins. If our foe had aligned the men we've encountered with their skillset, they'd have been fearsome indeed," Korosensei told us.

I guess he has a point. I couldn't help but remember the way Grip was just... standing there, even after he'd told us he was good at getting in, crushing someone's skull, and getting out with no one the wiser. Whoever was assigning these assassins to their posts, he definitely _wasn't_ an assassin.

Which made Smog's earlier poisoning stand out as an outlier. My guess? He was just told to poison us and given leeway on how to handle it. After that, though, he was placed on guard detail to stop any enterprising youngsters from sneaking in. I wonder how that's working out, hm?

"You've got a point," Chiba agreed. "The last guy wasn't off target by so much as a centimeter."

"And consider Karma's opponent," Korosensei told us. "Normally, the man would have simply snuck up behind him and crushed his windpipe before we even knew of his existence."

Karma shifted, the danger suitably impressed. "No doubt, sure," he agreed.

Speaking of windpipes, I hope Johnny Black's choking on his.

I glanced over at Karasuma to see him patting the guard down and taking out his wallet. Well, I guess he's earned the drops, he's the one that knocked out the mob, after all... "Alright, new plan," Karasuma said as he stood up. "First off, Isogai, Terasaka, Yoshida, I want..."

I tuned him out while half-listening for my name. Terasaka and Nagisa were busy having a hushed conversation off to the side. I looked Terasaka over; he was looking a little bit pale and sweating profusely. Now, I could possibly attribute that to nerves or heat from the stage lights, but...

"Terasaka, don't -" Nagisa started to say.

"Watch me," he growled, walking away. "And what are _you_ looking at?" he snapped at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "A muscle-bound idiot that's too stubborn to lie down when he's burning up with a fever," I said quietly. If Nagisa had noticed too, then that's what the conversation had been about, most likely. He snorted. "I know the capabilities of all my classmates, Terasaka," I told him. "What they can do, the extents of their stamina, how fast they can climb, how strong they are. I _know_ what you can do," I said, tapping right next to my eye, "and you're performing under par. I don't have to be Korosensei to see that you're ill. Is there a reason you're on this mission despite being one of the students affected by the virus?"

"I've got stamina to spare," he grumbled. "My system will kick it, it's just a fever."

"Not if you're constantly pushing yourself with physical activity. Y'know, stuff like scaling a cliff, climbing a hotel building, getting into conflict with trained assassins. Also?" I growled. "That 'fever' is deadly."

He frowned. "You sound like the pipsqueak, so I'll tell you what I told him. Mr. K almost _died_ because of me. If I hadn't been an idiot, he wouldn't have gotten gassed." True. "And I know you know that ain't the first time I've pulled crap that put the class's lives in danger." Also true. He was a person of infrequent but rather spectacular fuckups. "I'm not gonna bring the mission down, no matter what. Me droppin' out will hurt our chances, so I'll collapse after we've got the antidote."

I sighed with a shrug. "Whatever," I said, spreading my hands. "I'm not your mother or your commanding officer, I can't tell you to stand down. Just don't get yourself killed, huh? My pawns aren't allowed to leave the chess board until I say so."

I stared at him, and he stared at me. An unspoken agreement passed between us and he nodded once before striding off after Karasuma.

Great, just great. This is fantastic.

At least _one_ thing went right and we didn't encounter any guards on our way to the boss room. Despite everything we went through up to this point, we just waltzed up the stairs and down the hall to the only room on the floor.

Karasuma opened the door just enough for us to slip through before peering inside. After a second, he waved us forward and we approached. Walking softly, we muffled our footsteps as we slipped inside the suite and approached.

Nanba, the style of moving we were implementing, was something that had been drilled into us by Karasuma. According to idle research I'd done while bored in class, it was based off of a walking style said to be used by ninjas. By shifting our gait and moving the same arm and leg forward together, we could eliminate extra movement and mute as much sound as possible. The others had been implementing it in their assassination attempts while sneaking up on Korosensei lately, if I remember right.

While normal students might be panicking in this situation, we were trained well enough to keep our cool as we approached the figure in the chair en masse. I frowned. His shadow was being cast on the wall in front of him, which meant we had to slip to the side, around the couches and table in the center of the room. He had his back turned to us, so we couldn't see anything but the screens of students he was watching.

The silver case sitting to the side. That's the objective. I tilted my head, trying to read the writing on the green square strapped to the side, but couldn't thanks to the tape covering it up. No matter; with those wires coming out and wrapping around, that has to be the bomb. Unless, of course, the case is a decoy - but this guy doesn't seem all that bright, so I doubt he's set a trap like this. The remote to the bomb was sitting off to the side, by one of the laptops on the desk; it was simple, just a single red button. Just a detonator, then, no way to set a timer.

Odds of reaching the rig and disarming bomb before whoever's sitting in that chair manages to set it off? Not good.

Karasuma lifted the gun he was holding and gave us the sign to close in. We did so, moving closer. He took aim at the detonator, and I realized his intentions; whoever was behind all this, when we ambushed them their first instinct would be to get leverage and go for the detonator. He was going to shoot them before they could touch it. After the antidote was secure, we would have the advantage of numbers and be able to dogpile the son of a bitch that _dared_ use _my_ classmates as collateral.

"This itch."

I and the rest of the class froze. A few students gasped in shock and disbelief, but I was silent.

"It burns, no matter what I do!"

What.

"Still, one man's sensitivity _is_ another man's hypervigilance!"

WHAT.

"Makes me feel _wired_ to my surroundings!" Multiple copies of the detonator were tossed into the air, flying every which way. I gritted my teeth. "You didn't think this would be _easy_ , did you? I told you I'd find a way to wipe the octopus off the face of the Earth. Oh, and as you can see, when it comes to little details like detonator switches, I'm a big believer in redundancy." He fanned out three more detonators in his hand. It made a sick, twisted amount of sense; he came here expecting to deal with Korosensei, who could move at Mach Twenty, so multiple means to detonate the bomb would be needed.

Hhh... Bastard. _Bastard..._ I was shaking with rage and didn't care. I knew that voice. We all did. Only now, with his back to us, it sounded even more deranged and sinister than it did when we first heard it. "You utter _bitch_!" I snarled under my breath.

"I reached out to four professionals before we came on this trip," Karasuma said. What are you doing why are you not shooting? Shoot him shoot him SHOOT HIM. "Three of 'em freelance killers. But, the other was an old colleague."

The man got out of his seat. The students gasped in shock and horror.

"Who," Karasuma continued, "it turns out, went MIA for embezzling funds from the Ministry of Defense."

He turned, and Yada and several others jerked back, drawing away from the revenant.

The stubble on the chin, the wild eyes, the insane, twisted smile? They were new. The new lines of vertical scars, three down each cheek from cheekbone to jaw? They _offended me_. Even if they were different, even if they weren't the same direction, he took something that belonged to KANA. They were HERS. And he STOLE THEM. _RAGE flooded through me and I breathed out a hissing, quiet cry of hatred. How dare he. HOW DARE HE._

But I recognized the face, despite all that. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Karasuma shouted.

Karasuma shouted, "Damn it, Takaoka!"

* * *

 **cHApTeR 22: TakAokA tIMe**

The man standing in front of us, the man behind the poisoning and the threats and the assassins, was a man I knew all too well. His wide, staring eyes and new fashion statement on his cheeks didn't detract from the raw hatred I felt boiling through my veins.

But I kept a leash on my rage, no matter how much I wanted to knock him down and rip at his face until those six lines were hidden under a new mass of scar tissue.

"What naughty children!" Takaoka said. "Trying to sneak up on dear old Daddy. You disappoint me," he sneered. "I thought I raised you better than that."

He raised another one of the remotes, and with his other hand started scratching at his cheek again. "I know some boys and girls that are going to have to go to summer school!" he said casually.

"Mr. Takaoka," Nagisa said in disbelief. "But... how could you?"

"Let's head up to the roof, eh?" the man said, ignoring us completely as he picked up the silver case with the antidote. "I've got a little surprise up there you're bound to get a kick out of. Oh," he said suddenly, "before you get any bright ideas, bear in mind you're only alive because Daddy's feeling generous."

The rest of the class seemed nervous, or uneasy. None of them seemed to know what to do.

We had no choice; we had to follow Takaoka out onto the roof of the hotel.

The small, tiny break between when we were face to face with him inside and when we faced him outside was enough to cool my head, and the whipping wind was enough to chill my blood down from boiling. Oh, I was still incredibly mad, but I could think rationally instead of just hiss like a snake.

"Hiring assassins!" Karasuma spat at Takaoka once we were outside. "Infecting students with a potentially lethal virus! What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you out of your mind?!" he demanded.

Takaoka just grinned, eyes wide and staring. "Strong words there, friend," he said. "I assure you, I'm perfectly sane, though I suspect world saviors are often thought of as mad," he assured Karasuma and us.

I was helpless to strangle the little whimper of laughter that I let out. "Oh yeah sure, you're totally sane," I snarked, my voice tight and high-pitched from nerves and anger. "Explains why you've clawed your cheeks until they _scarred_." My voice twitched on the last word as anger pulsed through me, though I ruthlessly pushed it down.

Takaoka shook his head. "If you had done as I instructed, and had the runts of the litter bring the goods on their own, my assassination plot would have gone off without a hitch and we'd all be winners." We looked at Nagisa and Kayano. "I'd wanted to use what's-her-name," Takaoka continued, "Kayano?" The girl in question whimpered and shrunk back. "Yeah, she's integral to the plot! Oh, it was a doozy!" he chuckled. "The bathtub in my suite here is overflowing with Anti-Sensei BBs. I'd have set her up in there, with the target. Then entombed the whole setup in concrete! The only way for the octopus to return to his normal form," Takaoka told us, "without touching the BBs, would be to blow everything sky high! Including the girl."

Kayano gasped, pressing her hands to her mouth in horror. I wanted to say something, but figured a punch to Takaoka's dick would suffice to show my sentiments on his 'plan'. If only I could get there. But he still had the case, and until that was secured and the bomb disarmed we had to listen to the boss monologue.

"We all know he'd never do such an inhuman thing to the children in his care!" Takaoka roared, eyes shining with madness. "So I figured he'd take the honorable way out and opt to dissolve in lieu of killing one of his students!"

The other students seemed just as incensed as I felt. What a monster...

"I won't lie," Takaoka said, "it gave Daddy quite a fright when he saw you'd all come in mass. It doesn't things much, but still. Oh," he added, scowling with his brow furrowed, "and my mood will play a significant part as to whether you walk out of this alive."

"Intolerable." I looked over at Korosensei, clutched in Nagisa's hands, and found that our teacher was pulsing with anger, his shade darkening by the second. "You can't really imagine you'd get away with this!" our teacher growled.

"Actually, I think there's a pretty decent chance!" Takaoka grinned. His mood fluctuations were making it hard to predict what he was going to do. I _hate_ dealing with this type of insanity. Unpredictable and erratic... "Either way, I believe we can all agree this route's a hell of a lot more humane than the treatment I got from your class!"

Yes, yes, because getting fucking _owned_ for being a toolbag is SO much less humane than trying to MURDER kids. I snarled, lips twisting in frustration. "They laughed and laughed," Takaoka ranted, clawing at his cheeks unknowingly. "'Did you hear? Takaoka got his ass handed to him by a class of junior high kids!' 'He blew his mission after he bragged about his teaching chops? Oh man! That's hilarious!' 'The higher ups are gonna think twice before they give him another assignment!'

"Now, every time I catch people lookin' at me sideways, every time I think of how you bluffed me with my own knife, my skin itches so badly I can't sleep through the night!" he shouted, clawing at the scars. "I hope you're proud, boys and girls! Because you've condemned Daddy to hell!"

Good. BURN.

"Negative evaluations! Demotions! Gossip! You have no IDEA what it's like. My future is gone!" He shot a finger forward, jabbing it towards Nagisa. "You specifically, Nagisa! Must answer for the grave injustice done to MY reputation!"

My foot was shaking and I started bouncing my knee, tapping my heel against the concrete. "I get it," Chiba said, "he asked for the shortest students to come because he knew Nagisa would be one of 'em."

"Nagisa had every right to do what he did to you," Yoshida snapped.

"Hmm," Karma hummed, stepping forward. "I see. So this actually has a lot more to do with you settling a score than anyone saving the world." He narrowed his eyes, lowering his chin. "Think about it, is beating up a kid gonna repair your self-esteem? Wouldn't someone _my_ size be more interesting?"

I have to calm down. People are doing stupid things because of anger. I _have_ to be calmer or I'll just lose it. I let out a long breath, glaring daggers at Takaoka. The viper had been creeping up on me, pushing at me, but I caught it. I was under control again.

"Look, you crazy son of a bitch," Terasaka snarled, "Nagisa kicked your ass by your own rules so you've got no one to blame but yourself!"

After all, he was insane. But that didn't mean I had to drop to his level of irrationality. I could outthink the man instead of outfighting him.

"And here's the deal!" Terasaka continued. "Even if you'd won, we'd still despise you! Nothing you could have done would have changed our minds!"

"I don't remember asking for your OPINION!" Takaoka screamed suddenly, eyes wide. He held the remote up high, finger on the button. "Love me or hate me, MAGGOTS, I'm the guy that can take half of you out right now with a push of a BUTTON!" His voice broke. He was getting pushed too far, we needed to back off, and I whispered that to the belligerents in the class.

When nobody challenged him further, Takaoka's face fell back into a smug grin. "Heh... You, short round," he said to Nagisa, "let's go up to the heliport. Just you and me," he said ominously, walking up the steps.

Kayano shifted. "Don't do it, Nagisa," she said. "You don't have to listen to him."

Nagisa was silent for a moment. "I don't want to," he finally said softly. "But I'm gonna," he said, handing Korosensei off to Kayano.

"GET A MOVE ON!" Takaoka screamed from the second flight of steps. Nagisa looked back at all of us and gave us a nervous grin. "PICK UP THE PACE!"

I realized my fist was clenched and forced myself to relax, placing one hand on my arm and letting it hang so that I was halfway hugging myself. "I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't do what he says," Nagisa admitted to us. "I'll play along for now and see if I can talk some sense into him. If he calms down, maybe he'll give us the antidote."

I frowned as he started walking towards the first flight of steps. I don't know, Nagisa. He's calm, I can tell; calmer than I am. I tried to relax my shoulders and took a deep breath; on the exhale, something in me loosened and I felt my lips shift from an angry snarl to a calm, flat line. There was nothing I could do, now. I had to simply wait.

"Please be careful, Nagisa," Karasuma said.

"I don't like where this is going," Kayano said. She was worried; everyone else was, too. Even Korosensei seemed like he wasn't sure how this was going to play out.

As Nagisa stepped onto the helipad, we all ran up the first flight of steps so that we could stand just behind him. Takaoka stood on one end, the case sitting next to him; Nagisa approached something on the ground on the other end of the helipad.

A knife.

He stood, staring at Takaoka, his coat flapping in the wind. I could see bloodlust, normally hidden entirely, shining in his eyes a little bit. Both of them were silent.

Takaoka lifted a remote, and Karasuma whipped the gun up to aim at him. "Don't even!" the agent snapped.

"Stay RIGHT where you are, tough guy!" Takaoka shouted. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't trust you not to throw a monkey wrench into my alone time with Nagisa!" He pressed the button and I flinched, the viper in me hissing. If the case explodes he dies.

But the explosion wasn't what I'd feared. It was two charges placed on either end of the flight of steps connecting the area we were standing on to the helipad. With a metallic clang, the steps fell to the ground as the other students gasped. Everyone stared at Nagisa as he stared at us, aghast at what Takaoka just did. Nagisa was separated, now; there was nothing we could to stop him or to stop Takaoka.

"There we go!" the madman said, tossing the remote over his shoulder. It clattered to the ground. "Now it's just you and me, kiddo. You understand where I'm going with this, right?" Nagisa looked back at Takaoka. "Revenge is an ugly word, but if the shoe fits."

"You've got it wrong, Mr. Takaoka," Nagisa said. The wind must be carrying their words to us. "I didn't come here to relive our fight."

Takaoka spread his arms. "'Course not." He grinned, looking away. "You don't have the element of surprise on your side, this time. There's not a thing up your sleeve to keep me from killing you."

The viper kept twitching, surging for my legs or my neck or my arm or the small of my back, all places I kept my throwing knives and my guns. It wanted me to attack, to spring into battle, but I kept it leashed. I needed to keep a cool head. Deep breaths, Rythin. Deep breaths.

"Thing is," Takaoka said, "it'd be over too fast if I went at you full bore, right off the bat. I want to savor this. So here's what I need from you," he told Nagisa. The class exhaled as one. "Get on your hands and knees," Takaoka sneered, pointing at Nagisa while his lips stretched out cruelly, "and apologize." He raised the remote, the one for the suitcase. "For pulling a cheap trick, admit you relied on the old bait and switch to cover for your own lack of skill!"

But he didn't. He didn't. He didn't. Deep breaths, Rythin, deep breaths. In, out. Stay calm.

Nagisa didn't reply for a few seconds, and for a heartbeat I thought he was going to attack. Then, slowly, he kneeled and sat on the ground, legs folded under him. "I'm sorry -"

Takaoka slammed his boot on the ground. "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" he screamed. "Kneel down lower, YOU LITTLE WORM! I want to see your forehead touch the ground LIKE THE SOLE OF A BOOT!" He was screaming, frothing at the mouth. A rabid animal that needed to be - no. Calmly. Maintain equilibrium.

Nagisa didn't flinch in the face of the screaming, gazing steadily at Takaoka. I had no idea what the kid was thinking, but if forced to make a guess, he was probably thinking that maybe Takaoka would be satisfied and give up the antidote if he complied. That's the only reason I could see for Nagisa to reach down and press his fingertips to the ground in front of him, prostrating himself in front of Takaoka. "I'm sorry for pulling a cheap trick on you," he said. "I just did it to cover up my lack of skill. I'm very sorry."

I breathed. I think I've got the viper on lockdown, now, as much as I ever do. I was worried about what was going to happen and my heart was pounding, but the rage seemed to have subsided a little bit.

"Not bad," Takaoka allowed. "Now apologize for essentially asking me to hit the road afterwards. Good gracious, the audacity," he sneered. He lifted a boot and placed it against the back of Nagisa's skull, pressing down until Nagisa's forehead was forced onto the ground.

I sighed slowly, watching all of this unfold. I wanted to be up there, doing something, but I couldn't jeopardize Nagisa.

"All the trouble I went through for you kids," Takaoka snarled, "and that's how you talk to me?" He ground the boot on Nagisa's skull. "I'm entitled to respect for the sacrifices I made!" he shouted.

Nagisa didn't even try to fight back. "I was wrong to treat you that way," he said. "You deserve respect. I am truly, deeply sorry."

I brought my thumb up to my mouth and bit down on it, scraping at the nail with my lower teeth. Beside me, Karma's hand was twitching as he glared up at the scene.

"Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I was wrong."

Nagisa's final plea seemed to resonate with Takaoka a little bit, because his expression went back to his previous only half-deranged twisted smirk. "Heh hah hah hah!" he laughed, before removing his boot from Nagisa's head. "I'm starting to believe you!" he chortled as Nagisa sat up, the boy's face expressionless. "Daddy feels much better. Was that so hard?"

Nagisa's eyes were fixed on the suitcase with the antidote in it. Sighing, I grasped my arm again with my hand.

"You know what this needs?" Takaoka asked, leering at Nagisa. "To help the lesson sink in, pictures of people dying from the virus I infected your buddies with! Smog let me borrow a few from his collection!" He smiled, but there wasn't any rational humor in it. "The effects are spectacular! Boils over every inch of their bodies! Faces like a bunch of grapes! You'd get a laugh out of that!"

Eyes manic, Takaoka leaned down and picked up the case. "Wouldn't you, kid?!"

He threw the case up in the air.

Nagisa gasped and lunged for it. "Please, NO!" Karasuma screamed.

Takaoka pressed the button.

The explosives detonated, sending a plume of heat and sound washing over all of us as the night lit up with the explosion. The vials of the antidote fell from the shattered suitcase. Each one shattered from the shockwave and heat, one by one. My classmates and teacher cried out in horror and despair.

My nails buried into my flesh, digging deep, but I didn't notice, riveted as I was by the explosion.

Oh.

 _Oh._

 _So, this is how it's going to be, then. Very well._

The man laughed, expressing his madness while pointing at Nagisa. Nagisa sat, stunned, staring at nothing.

 _Kill him._

The man laughed, contorting his body with mad joy.

 _The man will die._

The man laughed. Nagisa was lost in horror. "Yes!" The man exclaimed. "That's the face I wanted to see! You know, you should make a scrap book of this vacation including pictures of your friends dying!" Nagisa slowly turned to stare at Terasaka. "You can call it Nagisa's Book of Boiled-over Faces! Waaaahahahahahaaa!"

The man laughed.

Nagisa reached down and picked up the knife. The man stopped laughing. The knife scraped across the ground as Nagisa picked it up, holding it with both hands. Nagisa's body shuddered with the bloodlust pouring from him.

Karasuma stared. E Class stared. Korosensei stared.

Nagisa lifted the knife. Bloodlust poured from his eyes. "Kill you," Nagisa snarled. The man licked his lips.

The man laughed. "That's right," the man said. "That's the way, sonny boy."

"I'll..." Nagisa said. " _KILL YOU_!" Nagisa screamed.

* * *

 **Short, but it needs to cut off here. I wanted to make the entire last bit in italics, but figured it'd be terrible for the eyes.**

 **(Nick's not in a good place, as the italics indicate. Don't let the deceptively calm prose fool you. He's** _ **furious,**_ **so much so he's looped back around to calm.)**

 **Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.**


	23. Myself Time

**Chapter 23: Myself Time**

* * *

 _The wind howled._

 _Nagisa trembled, clutching the knife with both hands. His body shook from the force of bloodlust pouring off of him. He rose to his feet. "You monster," Nagisa hissed. "I'll KILL you for what you've done!"_

 _The man laughed. "That's the spirit, boy!" the man laughed. "Show me your kill face! Come at me with everything you've got!"_

 _The man was going to die, no matter what actions needed to be taken to ensure it._

* * *

Karma had never seen Nagisa like that - knife clenched and facing off against an enemy. He hadn't realized just how much killing potential Nagisa truly had. The bloodlust Nagisa was giving off was immense, rolling off of his body in waves. It was enough that he could feel it from the platform he and the rest of E Class were standing on.

But there was someone else, someone closer, that was giving off just as much bloodlust. It was an oppressive feeling, pressing against him like a snake about to strike. Karma looked to the side and saw Nick doing... nothing. Just standing there. And that scared him.

See, Karma knew that Nick was... different from the rest of the E Class students. There was just something _off_ about him, and the way he acted. He never sat still for more than a few seconds at a time; he was always shifting around or doing _something_ small and irrelevant. If he wasn't writing or reading, he'd be squirming in his seat, or fidgeting with a pencil, or whatever.

There were also the times that anyone entered the room. No matter who it was, Nick's eyes would snap over to the door only to relax a heartbeat later as he saw who it was. Without any indication he knew he'd paused, he'd just go back to doing whatever he'd been doing.

Then there was the way that Nick would refuse to make purposeful eye contact, always sliding his eyes off to the side or just in front of the person of whoever he was talking to. It was really weird during sparring, since Nick rarely looked at his opponent. Instead, he just stared at nothing. Or everything, almost, since at times Karma thought it was like he was looking for something that wasn't even there.

Karma knew he was good at pushing people's buttons, which extended to reading people in general, and he could tell that tiny frozen smile Nick's expression defaulted to was just a lie. The others thought that Nick was just naturally easy-going, that he'd just shrug and laugh anything off - after all, that's what he told them. But when he was talking with Nagisa, or Kayano, or any member of E Class that he was comfortable around, Nick's words would speed up and start to blur together and he'd occasionally stutter like the words were coming faster than his mouth could form them, instead of the measured statements he used with the others. He'd drop the fake smile and grin genuinely, opening up a little.

But there was something else, inside Nick. Karma wasn't sure what it was. It wasn't quite the same thing that was hiding inside Nagisa, really. Sure, most of the time Nick was the classmate that sat beside him in E Class; the one that was strangely invested in meaningless details, with a wickedly sharp tongue and no intention of holding it back.

He'd seen Nick just _change_ , though, a few times before. When those punks kidnapped Kayano and Kanzaki, it was like a switch flipped in him. That hidden something inside Nick swam a little bit closer to the surface and started showing its claws. The flashes of ruthlessness he showed while rescuing the girls had been absolutely brutal in their thoroughness.

And then again while they'd been climbing the tower, Nick's brutality was shining through in pulses. A few times when he'd snapped at the other E Class students, and when Takaoka had revealed himself to be the mastermind behind it all. Karma hadn't missed the flashes of anger in Nick's voice and expression. He might not take school seriously - or, well, _have taken_ it seriously, because there was no way he was going to let himself be mocked like that by the octopus ever again - but he didn't miss much.

Right now, though, the beast inside Nick had come to the surface and taken over.

He was motionless. Entirely. Nick's entire body was as still as a statue. Nick's eyes were usually lazy and easy-going, just flicking from side to side as he scanned his surroundings automatically. Now, though, his eyes were hard and focused, drilling into Takaoka.

They were almost glowing a pale silver in the helipad's lights. Like the edge of a blade, right before it bit.

Karma had seen Nick angry.

But now he was seeing Nick _furious_.

* * *

"It's happened," Kataoka said. "Nagisa's snapped."

Target: the man. He must die for his actions.

"Alright, let's be honest here for a second," Yoshida said. "Sure, we all wanna kill him, but Nagisa might do it. Can't say I saw it comin'."

Possibility of approach: null. No access to platform from current position. How to create solution? Option one: jump gap between platform and current position. Likelihood of success: low. Rejected. Option two: retrieve metal stairs and recreate link between current position and platform. Likelihood of success: both low and high. If a member of E Class assists, likelihood of success raises by a large margin. However, all members of E Class are keeping their distance at the moment. Option tabled. Option three: wait for the man to come. Likelihood of success: contingent on Nagisa's actions.

"No!" Korosensei said. "Someone has to stop this."

A long black pole - Terasaka's stun gun - flew through the air and struck Nagisa's back. Nagisa lurched forward from the impact.

"Rythin, stop," Ritsu commanded.

I jerked in shock. "How... You shouldn't..." _How she knows my name is irrelevant. I shook my head, trying to recapture the shreds of what I was calculating. I felt dizzy._

Terasaka was panting heavily. "Get over yourself!" he shouted at Nagisa. "Dumbass!"

"Earlier, you requested that I call you by that name if you seemed to be losing control," Ritsu said implacably. I licked my lips and shook my head. No. I _need the clarity. The man must die._ "And so I did."

"Yeah!" Terasaka shouted. "Don't think I missed the look you gave me when he blew up the antidote! Screw your pity!"

"The others are concerned for both you and Nagisa," Ritsu said. "The amount of bloodlust you're giving off is frightening." I didn't... I needed to calm... No. I _needed to kill... I don't_ know what I needed. I blinked, trying to stave off a headache I could feel forming already.

"Quit wasting your energy worrying about what's going on with other people and focus on you!" Terasaka shouted. "Look, the virus is a lie! I'll be fine! He's playing you for an idiot!"

"I understand that you are worried about your classmates," Ritsu said. I... was? "But this will not help them in any way." I was. I was worried about what would happen to the ten infected students.

"What are you saying?" Isogai asked Terasaka. "Are you sick?"

"Murder is murder," Terasaka shouted. "Even with the piece of shit like this evil son of a bitch! He's not worth it! Give in to the bloodlust and you're no better than him!" Several students ran down towards him.

"Terasaka is right," Ritsu said. "You are better than this, I know you are, Nick. But you can't let your bloodlust rule you." It's always ruled me. _It always has, ever since Aincrad._ It just came in waves, like high and low tide. _The madness receded but never went away._

"He's absolutely right, Nagisa," Korosensei urged. "Listen to me! Killing this man won't solve anything! Blind rage is _not_ a moral guide! In any event, he's likely bluffing about the antidote. We need only consult the poisoner downstairs. Do not stoop to Takaoka's level. Simply render him unconscious!"

"If you give in, then he's won," Ritsu said. "Takaoka will win if you let yourself kill him." No. I refuse to let that man win _anything._ Never again. He won't win.

"Shut your damn mouth!" Takaoka shouted, striding towards the edge of the helipad. "You're taking all the FUN out of everything! If we're gonna get the most out of this, he's gotta come at me with intent to kill! Part of the process is bloodlust unbound! He has to feel it or I can't properly humiliate him! How the hell else am I going to patch up my self-esteem!?"

"Nagisa, please!" Korosensei pleaded. "Take up Terasaka's stun gun!" Nagisa didn't move. "Heed the words of a friend before you give credence to an enemy! Resist the anger! Weigh your options! Ask, 'what within myself does this man have claim on?'!"

I felt someone approach me as the bloodlust inside waxed and waned with each heartbeat. "Nick," Yada said quietly. "I know you're mad. We all are. But you can't lose it. Listen to Korosensei and Terasaka. They're right, and you know it."

A loud thud heralded Terasaka's collapse to the ground. "Terasaka!" Yoshida shouted. "What the - you're as hot as a combustion engine!"

"Dude," Kimura said, "how'd you make it so far like this?"

"Who cares," Terasaka ground out, lifting a shaking hand and slowly pointing at Nagisa and Takaoka. "Don't look at me. Look at them. The octopus is half right," he said. "You ain't gotta resist the anger. You gotta control it. Beat his ass just shy of killing him."

A heartbeat passed as Terasaka's request to Nagisa sank through me, and a shudder ran through my body. I blinked, once, then closed my eyes and slowly exhaled. As I did, the hissing viper quieted down further and further until I could feel the fury coursing through my body as controlled energy. "Well," I said softly as my bloodlust slid into the background like a knife into a sheath. "I suppose that's an option too - ghhk!"

I choked on nothing as a spike of pain lanced through my brain. "Nick!" Yada cried, reaching out to support me as I stumbled. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I murmured, resting some of my weight against her until the blinding pain went away. "Just... headache. Always happens." Every time I lost myself in my rage like that, I always had a headache afterwards. "Used to pain."

After a few more deep breaths, the spike of my headache dulled to a tolerable level and I cracked my eyes open again. My vision swam for a second before resolving. "Thanks, Ritsu," I said, ignoring how my head felt like it was wrapped in barbed wire. Barbed wire that was being squeezed rhythmically. That was normal; it just meant moving is out of the question. "Thanks, Yada. I needed that."

She smiled. "Glad to help."

I straightened up, pulling myself to my full height, and Yada took a step away. Close enough to catch me again, should I fall, I think. It was a nice gesture, but ultimately futile - I wasn't going to drop again until Takaoka hit the ground. As long as I didn't move, that is; I carefully shook my head, and winced when the simple movement sent pain lancing through me. Yeah, that wasn't going to go away any time soon.

Terasaka was right. Korosensei was right. I knew better than to let my rage take control like that, but I'd gone ahead and let myself succumb anyway. Idiot... At least they somehow managed to drag me back, somehow.

The bloodlust I was feeling had exploded outward, flaring everywhere and stopping me from thinking. It had been vaguely aimed towards Takaoka, but it wasn't being used for anything other than raw hatred. And yeah, Terasaka was right. I had wanted to murder Takaoka for condemning my classmates to death. Part of me wondered why I'd reacted so extremely, but that wasn't important right now. The why could wait. Because my goal had shifted. Now?

Now I was going to watch Nagisa beat Takaoka. And I was going to enjoy every last second of it.

When I refocused on the helipad, I saw Nagisa just standing there, staring at the stun gun. His eyes were still giving off bloodlust, but like mine it was laser-focused towards his goal. It wasn't waves on waves of bloodthirst, like it had been before. Silently, he knelt and picked up the stun gun and held it in his hands.

Knife or electricity? Lethal or non-lethal?

He slipped the stun gun, still in its holster, through a loop of his belt.

I see. Nagisa has made his decision, then.

The boy shrugged his coat off and tossed it into the air behind him. My lips curled into a small smirk. It must be a special talent, but Nagisa seems to have an innate ability to nail the dramatic timing whenever he needs to. I've noticed Kazuto can do the same thing, when the stakes are high. I wish I could learn that. It would be useful.

"Oooh," Takaoka mocked him, taking off his own coat and letting it fall to the ground. "Don't _we_ look vicious!" I don't know about him, but I wouldn't be taunting the assassin with a knife. Nagisa didn't reply, the look in his eyes ice-cold.

"Question, sir?" Kayano asked Korosensei. "Why did Nagisa put the stun gun away?"

Korosensei didn't reply.

"So you're opting for the knife, good on ya!" Takaoka said to Nagisa. "I knew you'd see the light. Wanna know a little secret?" he asked. "I didn't blow up every vial of the antidote!" He lifted his hand and showed off three glass vials, spread between his fingers. I exhaled slowly. "Now, either you come at me and your pals keep a respectful distance," he said, looking down. Chiba and Okano looked up in shock from the nearby pillar, surprised they'd been caught. "Or what's left of their chances for survival goes bye-bye. EVERYONE infected will die!"

He turned his hand this way and that, the liquid in the glass vials refracting the light. "HEAR THAT, Karasuma?" he roared. "IT'S JUST ME AND THE BOY!" Karasuma gritted his teeth. "This stuff takes a month to cook up under ideal conditions!" Takaoka said around one of the glass vials. I don't know _why_ he put it in his mouth. ...We'll give that one to Terasaka. "Now, sure there's not enough for everyone, but saving some's better than saving none!"

I frowned, studying the scene in front of me. Nagisa had dropped into a fighting stance, knife in his right hand. Takaoka had done the same, drawing his fists up into a guard position. Now, Takaoka's abilities were a mystery to me, true. Still, I could assume that he was, essentially, a budget-rate Karasuma; not as fast or powerful as our gym teacher, but still highly trained in hand-to-hand combat. And I _knew_ Nagisa's abilities - or, well, knew what he showed in class plus some predictions based on the one time I'd ever seen him really turn on his bloodlust - like the way I knew how to form words. It was instinctual knowledge that I could pull on whenever I wanted to get a greater depth.

And everything in front of me was telling me that we were in a terrible situation right now.

An assassin's role, in games and now as I've learned in real life as well, wasn't to fight. If an assassin was fighting, they'd already failed in their designed duty. Their job was to provide a single, deadly strike before the target even knew that a hitman was present. That was how our class had been trained.

To put it simply, an assassin got a crazy-high sneak attack bonus, but had poor PVP stats.

We'd gotten lucky, forcing those three hitmen into a fight on our own terms. If they'd been allowed to ply their trade the way they should have been used, we shouldn't have been able to approach them. But this is different. This is playing by Takaoka's rules. Now...

Takaoka had been grinning madly. Leering, his lips pursed a little bit.

But suddenly, it was like a switch flipped. His entire demeanor changed.

...Nagisa has no idea what he's facing. He has no idea the world he's just entered.

Nagisa stepped forward, and it was like the motions blurred together. His bloodlust had disappeared, and he -

Takaoka rushed forward, eyes intent, and slammed a nasty side kick straight into Nagisa's gut. Nagisa didn't even have a chance to dodge it; he was sent flying backwards from the force of the blow.

Nagisa crashed to the ground and rolled backwards, sliding along the ground. When he stopped he coughed, clutching at his stomach. Poor guy.

"Hah! Is that all you've got?" Takaoka sneered, walking forward. "Where's that homicidal rage now that you're on your ass, you little snot rag?"

Nagisa looked up, glaring, and got to his feet. He rushed forward and stabbed at Takaoka, but the man just brushed his attack to the side and stepped out of the way, sending the knife wide. Another slash was dodged, and when Nagisa over-extended to attack a third time Takaoka just grabbed his arm. Lifting my classmate off the ground with one hand, Takaoka reared back and slammed his forehead against Nagisa's.

Takaoka may be insane, but he was still an expert military-trained fighter. I could attest to it myself; sufficient training will cut through any amount of madness. Even when I was at my worst, I was a capable fighter in Alfheim. Takaoka was in battle mode, and his defenses were airtight as far as I could see.

There was no way Nagisa was going to get a hit in, not when Takaoka wasn't going to let him have a chance. As much as I hated, despised, loathed Takaoka, I had to admit his fighting ability. If I were up there, even with my training from Karasuma, I probably wouldn't stand a chance.

Nagisa stumbled back from the impact of the headbutt, clutching at his head. He looked up but didn't have a chance to react before Takaoka's fist lashed out and caught him on the cheek. Nagisa stumbled, crying out, and Takaoka stepped to the side before lashing out with a right hook. Nagisa twisted with the blow, trying to stay upright, and Takaoka had no problems stepping forward and planting a snap-kick into the small of Nagisa's back.

I don't know what made that worse, the whimpers and cries of pain Nagisa was letting out or the mad, insanely pleased with himself laugh that Takaoka kept letting out.

I used to think I just loved anyone's pain, barring my family of course. Whether it was mine or someone else's, it would fill me with a warm feeling inside and I would grin uncontrollably, excited and energized.

But Nagisa's pain just left a sour feeling in the back of my throat.

Weird.

Takaoka was enjoying every second of this, just brutalizing Nagisa at will. An elbow slam to the back that somehow didn't wrench Nagisa's arm out of its socket, a backhand that whipped Nagisa across the ground. Grabbing his arm and rocketing a knee straight into Nagisa's gut.

Nagisa was taking so much punishment. He was battered and bruised, and I could see blood from here. Gasping for breath as Takaoka backed up a few steps and loomed over him, Nagisa collapsed to his knees, clutching at his stomach.

This was a life-or-death struggle for survival. And I was the only student who'd ever faced something like that before. The worst Nagisa's ever faced is trying to score high on the finals. Gods damn it all, I should be up there fighting him, not Nagisa.

I _wanted_ to go up there. I _wanted_ to fight Takaoka, and destroy him totally and utterly. But the instant I took a step, I wobbled, and would have collapsed again had Yada not caught my arm quickly. Growling under my breath, I let her keep me upright.

Damn it.

"Ugh," Hayami groaned. "So not a fair match."

"Yeah, no kidding, right?" Sugaya said. "He doesn't have a prayer."

Nagisa was sitting, barely keeping himself from collapsing on the ground by propping himself up with his arms. "Oh, hey now," Takaoka sneered, eyes wide and insane, "don't peter out. We're just getting started." Nagisa remained silent. My mind was racing, but I couldn't think of any single way to slip up to the helipad and attack. "That's right," Takaoka said, turning around to leer at Nagisa. "We haven't incorporated _this_ old girl into the mix," he said, brandishing a knife. It matched the one Nagisa was holding.

It matched the one Nagisa had held to Takaoka's throat.

The man stepped forward, twirling the knife in his hand as he did tricks. His eyes were twitching. I bet that knife featured heavily in those nightmares he told us about. That and Nagisa's strange, genuine smile.

Nagisa pushed himself to his feet, swaying. With a wince, he rubbed at the dried blood that had trickled from his nose. "I'll split you from groin to grin and savor the screams!" Takaoka announced, pointing the knife's point at Nagisa. "I'll sever your hands and feet and mount them above my mantle like trophies!"

I couldn't... I needed to do something, but there was nothing I could do, no matter how powerful my bloodlust was or how tightly it was aimed towards Takaoka. That knowledge alone was enough to gnaw at me, and I bit down on my thumbnail. "Shoot him, Mr. K!" Kayano pleaded. "Please, Nagisa will die! That man means every word of what he says!"

"Stop." I looked over at Terasaka, surprised he of all people would say that. "Let Nagisa handle it."

"Dude." Karma turned to him. For once, he wasn't grinning. "You see the shape he's in. At least, if I were in there, Takaoka wouldn't have it so easy."

Terasaka looked up and grinned. His face was flushed and he was wincing in pain, but he grinned. "You think so? Shows what you know. If you didn't ditch training so much, you'd have a clue. This fight ain't over yet, pal. Just watch. He's about to pull out the big guns."

I blinked. That's right, Karma wasn't there for that...

...

Nagisa fell back on his ass, surprised, and I uncoiled from the defensive flinch that I'd frozen in. As my mind rebooted, I forced myself to relax and lower my guard; Lovro was giving me a strange look, like he was surprised I'd reacted the way I had. After a second, though, he was back to his normal inscrutable stare.

"This technique," Nagisa said. "It never fails?"

"Don't be fool," Lovro scolded him. "It only looks easy." Uh... yeah. Yeah, it does. "Therein lies the beauty. I've used it many a time in field. Nothing compares, for getting out of pinch."

A Teleport Crystal would beg to differ. "The technique only works under certain conditions, however," Lovro told us. "The three criteria must be met."

...

'First,' Lovro's voice echoed in my memories, 'have at least two weapons ready hand.'

I smiled as Takaoka frowned. Nagisa was standing up, ready for round two.

'Second. You must be pitted against an expert.'

My smile widened as Nagisa closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

'Third, and most important. Your opponent must already know what it is means to face death.'

My smile turned positively feral. All three conditions were present in the battle at hand. Oh. Oh, _yes_. This was going to be fun, boys. This was going to be _fun_.

Nagisa smiled peacefully, opening his eyes. They were the eyes of an assassin.

Takaoka flinched back, staring. His eyes were twitching and I could see him visibly unnerved by Nagisa's smile.

Congratulations, sir. You're going to be the guinea pig for the new skill. I hope you choke on the honor.

Nagisa started walking towards Takaoka steadily, never once taking his eyes off of his opponent or losing the peaceful smile.

Takaoka was visibly losing his shit, trembling as he tried to figure out what in the hells Nagisa was doing.

...

"You must understand the nature of this move," Lovro said as he helped Nagisa to his feet. "Something of a paradox, you see. Conditions aren't often favorable." I had a brief flashback to facing off against ten monsters at once in Aincrad, and nodded solemnly. "And while I call it an instant-kill technique, in all honesty that is a misnomer." Aww... I wanted an instant-kill technique. "Employing it doesn't mean your opponent will die instantly."

I wanted to ask what good an instant-kill move was if it didn't instantly kill, but held my tongue. See, I can learn. Occasionally. After it's been beaten into me.

"Particularly when their defenses are impregnable. If an assassin is detected, he will be dragged from assassination to battle. When that happens, you must kill as quickly as possible before reinforcements come." I nodded. "That said," Lovro continued, "if you find yourself painted into a corner, and at some point you will, do this correctly, and it sets the stage for an instant kill."

"That sounds pretty useful," Nagisa said thoughtfully.

I'll say. I knew this move, and I'd even tried it once. It didn't work back then, but… "How does it work?" I asked instead. Maybe I did it wrong.

"In battle, one does not make unnecessary actions lest they find life in danger," Lovro said, gazing at us. "But if an assassin does so, it changes the battle back to assassination. That is what this 'instant-kill' technique means." I understand the concept. Taking an action that isn't one of the expected outcomes will throw the enemy into disarray as they try to comprehend what just happened. Like making a queen sacrifice in chess, the enemy might fall victim to a trap because they don't know what to do.

"From a stand-still position," Lovro said, gazing at us, "move quickly. As far as you can. As loudly as you can. Both of you."

I glanced at Nagisa, and shrugged. He exhaled once.

...

I realized I was laughing under my breath, but I didn't stop. Takaoka was absolutely terrified of Nagisa, staring at him as he approached without hesitating. "C-come on!" he blustered, stepping and bringing his guard up, knife in his front hand. Tellingly, he stepped back to do this. "Do it!" he shouted.

Nagisa was simply walking forward. I could relate from experience; the closer the enemy got without attacking, the more points of attack Takaoka had to focus on. By necessity, his focus was being drawn entirely to Nagisa to the exclusion of everything else. And because Nagisa was armed with a knife, Takaoka's attention would be drawn to that most of all.

I knew this move. I'd used it once, myself, a long time ago, in a room filled with paralyzed players. My sister had just died, and my brother had lost the will to live. I had surrendered to the bloodlust back then, but it hadn't been enough.

Maybe this time it would be.

Time seemed to slow as the adrenaline kicked in.

Nagisa started lifting the knife into the air. Takaoka's attention was dragged toward it.

Nagisa let go of the knife.

The knife started to fall to the side.

Takaoka's eyes followed it.

Both the knife and his attention were locked in midair, caught, for a fraction of a second.

My heart pounded, accelerating.

Nagisa lifted his hands up.

Nagisa slammed his palms together in a clap.

I had a front-row seat to watching Takaoka's psyche _shatter_ with the force of an explosion. His entire mindset was caught in the blast, and he reeled backwards.

He was open.

Nagisa didn't let the chance slip by him. As Takaoka was stunned, he crouched and grabbed at the handle of the stun gun Terasaka had given him. Nagisa was an assassin, and Takaoka's defenses had cracked. In that crucial moment...

Nagisa whipped the stun gun out, striking at Takaoka's vulnerable side.

...out comes the second blade.

It struck home, sending crackles of electricity coursing through Takaoka's body. Takaoka gurgled out a choked scream, his vocal cords paralyzed by the current running through his body.

As he fell to his knees, my chuckles broke into full laughter and I let my mirth run its course. My emotions would be running hot, especially after giving into the bloodthirst like I had earlier, and the more I burned out of my system now the sooner it would crash back to normal.

And so time resumes.

"Woah," Korosensei mumbled.

The rest of the class gasped in shock at Nagisa's sudden turning of the tables. Karma in particular seemed shocked. Well, maybe he shouldn't have skipped training so much. "Way to go," Terasaka panted. "That's how it's done. One good jolt and he'll be out like a lightbulb. Tase the psychotic rat bastard!"

Takaoka, shuddering and frothing at the mouth, was unable to resist as Nagisa lifted his chin with the stun gun, pressing the business end to Takaoka's neck. For a long moment, framed by the helipad lights, Nagisa stood there, not doing or saying anything. Takaoka was trembling, whimpering.

Do it, Nagisa. This man forced bloodlust to the surface. Whatever you're thinking, this man doesn't deserve any mercy. If it were me, he'd be unconscious right now. Not dead, though, no matter how much I'd want to do it.

But you? You're a kind soul, aren't you, Nagisa?

You'd probably think that he taught you important lessons. He taught you bloodlust, that sometimes anger is good and sometimes not. He taught you the importance of having people that can drag you out of your head. He taught you what it was like to be hit, and what a real fight was like.

You'd think, 'He's done some awful things. There's no denying that. But in a weird way, he _does_ deserve my respect.'

Takaoka whimpered louder, trying to flinch away from the stun gun pressed to his neck. He didn't make it very far.

'He's a teacher,' you'd think, Nagisa.

Do it. Make him remember this night for the rest of his days.

'I've learned something about myself from all this.'

I learned the same lesson when I dealt with Sugou.

'If I'm going to properly show my gratitude for his lessons, I should make _that_ face.'

Ensure that he'll never get _that_ face out of his nightmares.

Nagisa's lips curved as he smiled peacefully at Takaoka. The same exact smile he wore when he destroyed Takaoka the first time.

The smile that haunted Takaoka's nightmares.

"Mr. Takaoka," Nagisa said, "thank you for everything."

The stun gun discharged with a crackle of electricity, and Takaoka collapsed to the ground bonelessly, face first.

The class was silent for a moment as they all took in the scene in front of them. I'd finally managed to stop laughing at Takaoka's defeat, and so I watched with a cruelly satisfied smirk. The members of the class stared in stunned silence; I noticed Hayami pressed her hands to her mouth in shock.

Sugaya was the first to start celebrating as he doubled over before jumping up and shouting, both fists in the air. The others all started shouting in excitement, cheering. "We beat the final boss!" Isogai shouted. The others were all celebrating with each other, hugging - though, that was mainly the girls - and cheering for Nagisa's victory.

I just grinned. You did good, Nagisa. Good job.

We were able to grab the destroyed flight of steps from where it fell and prop it up against the helipad, turning the stairs into a ladder of sorts. Tied securely to the top, it was stable enough for us to climb up to where Nagisa was.

The class as a whole climbed up one at a time to greet Nagisa; Yada helped me move for the first few steps, but after I got a second wind I was able to move under my own power.

Karma was the first one up, which didn't surprise me. He was probably Nagisa's closest friend in E Class. "Nice work," he said casually, like he'd just watched Nagisa win a game of baseball rather than defeat an opponent in a life or death match. Which, come to think of it, is typical Karma.

"Are you okay, Nagisa?" Isogai asked, hurrying over.

"Sure," Nagisa said. His voice was weak, but that made sense.

I stepped over to study Takaoka's prone form. He was lying face down on the ground in a puddle of his own drool. Not very impressive now, are you? I glanced at the angles, ran a few simple calculations in my head, simulated the action, nodded once, and took a step back. I drew back -

"Nick, stop," Karasuma sighed.

"You can't deny he deserves it," I protested.

"No."

I gave him my best pleading look. "C'mon, please? He's _right_ there."

Karasuma folded his arms.

"Just once, that's all I'm asking," I begged. "He threatened Kayano, and beat up Nagisa." I don't do well with feeling restricted, and being entombed alive? Just thinking about it puts me on edge. "Just let me kick him once in the crown jewels, please?"

Karasuma raised a single eyebrow.

I sighed heavily. "Yes, sir," I mumbled despondently, stepping away from Takaoka's body.

"You have problems," Kataoka told me.

I shrugged. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Well done, Nagisa," Korosensei said to Nagisa, and I drifted over to join that circle of conversation now that my cunning plan had been foiled by the disapproving father-figure of E Class. "I'm proud of you. For the first time in a while, I had no idea how things would end." Implying he's known every step of the way what we were doing. Jerk.

"Thanks," Nagisa said. "But what are we going to do now?" He wiped at his chin to get the last smear of blood off. "Everybody else is still infected with the virus." I frowned, staring at the shattered glass littering the helipad where the case had detonated. "The antidote Takaoka didn't blow up isn't enough."

I sighed. That's the problem, isn't it? We made it through the stealth mission under the time limit _and_ beat the boss, but we still failed the quest objective.

"We'll figure something out," Karasuma said. He was hanging up his cellphone, so I guess he was calling in his people? "But first, let's get off this roof. Wait here for the chopper. I'll go collect Smog."

"Hah! Please."

I turned, my face falling impassive again. Three figures stood at the edge of the helipad, their shadows looming in front of them and stretching towards us. "The antidote won't do you any good," Gun said, his words slurred thanks to the gun in his mouth. "Look at you brats," he snarled. "You really figured on getting out of this situation with their lives?"

They didn't look so good; Gun was rubbing at his neck, where the lights had struck, Smog still had an indentation on his cheek from Karasuma's Falcon Knee, and Grip's lips were puffy and swollen. Karma's torture had left _some_ effect. Still, though, they were all up and ready to kill us.

I lowered my chin, stepping forward and bringing my guard up; the others did the same, hefting fists, pistols, stun guns, or tubes of mustard and wasabi depending on their weapon of choice.

...Wait, what was that last one? Damn it, Karma.

"The man who hired you's been defeated," Karasuma said. "Let it go." If I were in their shoes, as a mercenary, I'd do just that. Once my boss is down, unless my contract specifies otherwise I'm out of there. "You no longer have a dog in this fight."

Gun just leered. Around the gun in his mouth.

I wonder what would happen if I could get close enough to pull the trigger.

"I'm almost fully recovered from the gas," Karasuma warned them. "And these kids are strong, believe me" he said, gesturing to us over his shoulder. "I suggest we be reasonable and stop this before anyone else gets hurt."

Gun reached up to scratch at his head. "Yeah, alright."

Huh. That was easy.

I let my guard fall and slouched a little bit, getting comfortable - hey, I'd been standing around for several hours without pause and my back felt like it was gonna start with the whole killing people thing. Yoshida, on the other hand, exploded, "I'll make you wish you hadn't - wait, come again?"

Idiot.

"No worries," Gun said as he spread his arms wide. "You don't have to bother with us, our contract don't cover avenging our employer. Anyway, as I was saying, the antidote would only be useful to you if you'd actually been poisoned."

Wait, come again?

Smog lifted a small bottle of some clear liquid. "Well, technically you were, but not that bad," he admitted. "You know that bug you can get eating oysters on a half-shell? I gave you a perfected version of that old warhorse. It oughta flush out of your systems in about three hours or so."

I stared, eyes wide. "You gave them _super food poisoning_? You monster."

"That's right, kid. Unpleasant, but not fatal," he said. Then he hefted a smaller vial of liquid. "Now, _this_ sucker is what our boss wanted us to use. If I actually had..." He trailed off and chuckled. "Different story altogether."

"After we got the job," Grip said, "the three of us talked it over and hatched a plan. The boss's idea, y'know, seemed too harsh. We figured the hand-off would play out just as well if you only _thought_ you were in danger."

So... We scaled a cliff, beat up three different pro assassins, and then dealt with the concentrated stupidity that was Takaoka... for exactly zero reason.

Man, fuck these guys.

"And a bout of food poisoning certainly makes you _feel_ like death warmed over, so win-win!" Smog laughed.

Okano frowned. "Since when does a hired killer have scruples? Isn't going against your client bad for the bottom line?"

"Sweetheart," Gun sighed, "we take pride in what we do. But money isn't the be all end all. A client's needs are always considered carefully, and we do aim to please. But the boss revealed that he was planning to blow the antidote up in front of you regardless of whether you followed through with the trade or not. When we realized he never intended on giving you the antidote, it was either we try to live with ourselves after having offed a bunch of innocent junior high kids," Gun said, lifting one hand, "or we take the hit on our reputation," he said, lifting the other. "Seemed like a fairly straightforward ethical decision to us. And there's always a way to bounce back, if you're clever."

"So," Smog said, "guess this job was a wash. But at least none of you are going to die because we don't have scruples. Here," he said, tossing a pill bottle towards us. Nagisa caught it. "Give that supplement to your buddies. And make sure they get plenty of rest. They'll probably wind up feeling better than they did before this all started."

Wow, he's remarkably thorough with his poisoning.

A wind kicked up around us, and I looked up to see helicopters beginning their descent. "Thank you, gentlemen," Karasuma said over the noise of the chopper blades, "but I'll believe that when I see the full recovery. In the meantime, I'm afraid it's protocol to detain you for questioning."

"Ugh," Gun groaned. "Yeah, okay. If you wouldn't mind making it quick, so we can move on to the next job, that'd be great."

The boys in the helicopter landed and placed Takaoka on a stretched. He didn't even move an inch, still unconscious, but they put him in a straightjacket and restraints anyway.

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Smog?" I called out as he passed.

The poisoner and his government watchdog stopped. "What's up, kid?" he asked. Still a little boisterous, given we beat him, but whatever.

"Just a quick question." Hey, I'm a poison user myself. I want some professional tips. "That gas you used, the one that paralyzed Mr. Karasuma. Does your shirt...mask...thing have an antidote to it built in, or does it only work if you inhale? Because I noticed you didn't seem to have an antidote to it on you when we fought in the hotel, and I was just wondering..."

He shook his head. "Nope, no antidote. It breaks down fast enough once exposed to the air that I can just hold my breath."

"Oh, okay. Thanks for answering."

Smog just shrugged and kept walking towards the plane.

"You disappoint me!" Karma called out towards Grip. Grip stopped with another 'hn'. "I thought you'd at least want a grudge match between the two of us!" He grinned devilishly, raising more tubes of torture. "You're a samurai. Isn't your honor threatened by hot sauce?"

Grip looked down, not rising to Karma's taunts. "Part of the samurai code is not to kill people out of spite." Before anyone could react, he'd closed the distance between him and Karma and patted the boy lightly on the head. Karma's face was priceless. "I'm content to wait for the day someone a price on your head, hn. Because it'll happen. Guarantee it."

Hells, I might do it myself if he pisses me off enough.

"Let this be a lesson to you!" Gun shouted. "You want a rematch, make it to the big time! Become a worthy target! Then we'll come back! And give you all the assassination grand tour!"

Bullets rained down from the open door of the helicopter; he must have been dropping them from the air. Nagisa leaned down and picked one up, and I did the same. Hey, it might not have been my life that was threatened, but I think a souvenir from Johnny Black's attack is in order. This is just the first time I've had a chance to get one, is all.

The helicopter disappeared over the horizon, and just like that the assassins were gone. They left us with a warning and a compliment rolled into one, and I shook my head. "I'm tired," I sighed. "Can we go to the rooms, now?" There was a murmur of agreement from the others.

The second helicopter was for us, fortunately, so we all just filed in and collapsed into the nearest empty seat. That's it. We're done. Infiltration mission is over, antidote wasn't necessary, and everyone is gonna survive. I'm pretty sure that we managed to sneak through this whole hotel without a single person unrelated to the task at hand suspecting a thing.

I leaned against the crash webbing in the back, sighing. "Hey, Yada?" I mumbled, my voice coming out as an exhausted croak. She made a similarly tired-sounding noise. I cracked an eye open and looked at her; she was sitting to my right, Nagisa to my left. "Thanks. For earlier. What you said, back there."

She smiled. "No -" She yawned in the middle of her sentence, and I cracked a tired grin. Same. "No problem," she said with a light flush of embarrassment. "I'm just glad everyone's safe."

"Me too." I made a mental note to thank Ritsu tomorrow, after I wasn't so exhausted.

"Hey, Terasaka?" Nagisa said.

"Hm?"

"I owe you big time," he said. "I was on the verge of a bad choice. So thanks for yelling at me."

Terasaka grinned. "Heh. It's hard enough to kill the octopus without one of us being taken out of the equation." Karma was laughing about that, and I don't really know why.

Nagisa just smiled. "Yeah. Guess so."

After a flight that didn't nearly feel long enough to my poor feet, we landed on the beach. As we disembarked, Okuda and Takebayashi, the two students that stayed behind to tend to our poisoned classmates, rushed out to greet us. We handed off the pills with an explanation of what was going on, and the truth behind the poison; Katakoa went and gave the good news to the poisoned students still conscious.

To tell the truth, I was crashing pretty hard around this point, so I wasn't really paying that much attention to what anyone was saying. Honestly, my recollection of what was happening was mostly just snapshots of moments in time; I saw Nakamura patting Okano on the back as Maehara gulped a few of the supplements, the acrobatic girl sighing in relief. I also remember Okajima trying to hug Yada in relief, Ponytail not having any of that. Kayano hugging Kanzaki in relief, Sugino playfully smacking Nagisa on the back.

I'm exhausted. I'm glad everyone won't die, and all, but I just want to put today behind me and move on.

I think _everyone_ felt the same way, because when I woke up, rubbing my eyes groggily, it was already late the next evening and the rest of the guys seemed to be dead to the world. We'd lost an entire day thanks to Takaoka's bullshit. At least my head didn't hurt as much anymore.

Yawning, I stumbled my way through my 'morning' routine. After taking a quick shower - because I hadn't bothered last night - and going to the bathroom, I dug through my bag and got dressed in the first thing I found; that, of course, being my gym clothes. The jersey and pants were loose and comfortable, after all, so I didn't mind putting them on.

While in search of sustenance, I ran across Kanzaki, sitting in the hotel veranda and reading a book. "Oh, good evening, Nick," she said. "Did you sleep well?"

I yawned and grunted. Normally, only men could understand and communicate in the noble language of grunts, but Kanzaki had been around E Class long enough to understand the basics, and she played games online besides. She'd had plenty of experience with the language. "Well enough," I said after a second, just in case.

"That's good."

"How're you?"

"I'm feeling fine," she said with a smile. "The supplements did wonders, and there's no lingering effects from the virus."

I nodded once. "Is there anything to eat?"

"I think there's some coffee in the back," she offered. I made a face. Ech. Coffee. Kazuto might have developed a taste for the stuff, but I've never liked it.

"I said food."

Kanzaki shook her head with a small smile. "Then I think you're out of luck until dinner is served," she told me. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. Wasn't her fault. "Thanks anyway," I sighed. My stomach chose that moment to loudly protest the lack of food being shoved into it at the moment, and Kanzaki giggled when I sighed. Maybe I had some snacks stashed away in my bag for this exact sort of situation. I'll go check.

A second look through my bag didn't turn up anything new, despite a few plaintive pawings at it, and eventually I gave up. With another yawn, I made my way down to the beach where I'd seen some things happening, and gracelessly flopped down into a cross-legged position in the sand next to Nagisa. "Evening," I said to her.

"Hey, Nick," she said.

I paused. Wait. Nagisa is a guy. I knew that. That is a thing I know.

I'm still sleepy.

Out in the ocean, helicopters were flying around carrying gigantic slabs of some sort of grey material. I'm assuming it's concrete. They're probably trying to seal Korosensei in with Anti-Sensei material, in the hopes that somehow he'll die when he pops out of his Absolute Defense Form. It has been about twenty-four hours, hasn't it?

Footsteps behind the two of us made me turn and I saw Kayano approaching us. "Oh, man," she sighed. "That was one crazy day, huh?"

Nagisa looked up. "I'm just glad we got through it okay," he said with a grin.

"And I'm just glad you knew how to handle yourself," she frowned, leaning toward him and planting her hands on her hips.

Nagisa grinned sheepishly with a small laugh. "Me too," he said.

"You're such a trouble magnet, Nagisa," she sighed. "You know we worry about you," she added.

I grinned. "He's not so bad," I said. "He's only been through one near-death experience so far, after all."

Kayano looked at me. "I'm afraid to ask," she said drily.

"Probably for the best."

By this point, the rest of the students had woken up, and I watched as everyone trooped onto the beach, curious about the noise and racket. I couldn't help but grin as I noticed everyone else was wearing their gym jerseys, just like me, Nagisa, and Kayano. Come to think of it, Kanzaki was wearing hers too and gods _damn_ it I missed the perfect time to make the 'one of us will have to go home and change' joke.

"Morning!" Okano said cheerfully to Kanzaki and Okuda as they walked down the beach. "Well, evening, really. So, how are you guys feeling?"

"Great, thanks!" Kanzaki smiled. I grinned to myself. She must be getting that from everyone.

"School jerseys," Hara said to Kataoka and Yada with a small laugh. "You too, huh?"

"We're the only ones on the resort now," Kimura said as he and Sugino walked over to us. "Might as well be comfy."

"And describing a whole group of new outfits for just one scene is too much of a pain anyway," Fuwa said cheerfully.

I feel like I should be insulted, for some reason. I think that might just be a _thing_ whenever Fuwa says something bizarre.

"Who are you talking to?" Nagisa asked her, expression resigned.

"So, is Korosensei really in there?" Fuwa asked, staring at the concrete bunker in the ocean.

"She dodged the question!" I exclaimed. Nobody seemed to mind, so I let it go.

Nagisa shrugged. "Won't work. But at least he's under strict supervision until he reverts back to normal. Then back to the drawing board." He looked down by the edge of the beach, where I could see Karasuma giving orders to all the little government stooges without pause. "Mr. Karasuma's been orchestrating the whole thing."

"I swear, does Mr. K ever sleep?" Kimura asked.

I frowned. "I asked him that, once. His answer was... less than enlightening." 'Enough' sleep my ass, Karasuma.

"He's awesome," Sugino said. "What's his secret? Because if _I_ can be like that ten years from now, I'll be set."

"Something to shoot for," Mimura said.

"Hey," Kataoka said, "Professor Bitch is pretty awesome too. If you look hard enough," she added after half of the class looked at her askance.

Isogai nodded. "Same thing with the assassins at the hotel. I mean, you gotta admire the discipline it takes to be that highly skilled." He grinned. "And the philosophy, not to mention their work ethic."

"True that," Sugaya agreed. "As long as I don't grow up to be like Takaoka, I'll be happy."

Isogai looked a little thoughtful. "In a way," he said, "I suppose that's what growing up is." Oh, here we go, time for kids to pretend to be insightful. Then again, I do the same thing near constantly, so nyeh. "Knowing who to look up to, and who to ignore. Sometimes the difference is night and day. Sometimes, not so much."

I glanced out over the ocean towards the setting sun. Did he do that on purpose?

We all grinned, sitting back and enjoying the sunset.

Until the concrete bunker detonated, that is.

I pushed myself to my feet automatically, rising from the sand without thinking about it. My focus was riveted on the giant pile of smoke and dust coming from the concrete bunker. "Huh," I mused. "Guess _that_ plan didn't work." But then again, what more could you expect from the Ministry of Defense?

"Korosensei exploded!" Maehara shouted.

"Did we get him?" Sugino asked.

Oh, please. Everybody on this beach knows the answer to that question.

On the beach, Karasuma looked our way, and then sighed.

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed. I shook my head and turned to see him standing there, sand swirling around his feet from the wind of his landing. "You've suffered in the shadow of my cowardice and I'm sorry," he said, tentacles waving gently in the breeze. He was wearing a really, _really_ gaudy shirt. "But consider! Not only have you faced an array of fearsome foes, you did so with un- _question_ -able style."

Absolutely fabulous. That's me.

"Oh, there you are, sir," Nagisa grinned. "Good to have you back."

"Good morning!" Kurahashi chirped.

"With all due respect," Nagisa continued, "we like this form better."

Korosensei seemed to smile a little bit wider. "Indeed. And a good morning to you! Now," he said, little spots of pink appearing on his cheek, "what d'ya say we get this vacation back on track?"

Nagisa grinned. "Sure!"

"Yeah, I think it's a little late for that," Sugino said. "We go back tomorrow morning."

"Are you kidding me?" Korosensei exclaimed, leaning in a little bit too close for Sugino's comfort. He reared back, carrying all sorts of objects in his tentacles. An ocean float, some fireworks, a watermelon and a stick... "But there's so much fun in the sun to be had now that I'm fully mobile again!"

Sugino sighed. "Naturally."

Up and down the beach the speed clones went, each performing some different beach activity. One row was splitting watermelons blindfolded, while another group was building a massive sandcastle at lightning speed. I leaned in, close, and snickered when I realized he was building the Tokyo Tower. In the sky, another clone wrote out 'We love summer!'

"There's not a second to waste, children!" Korosensei announced. "Summer vacation with your Korosensei is a once in a lifetime experience!" One speed clone appeared, holding half a watermelon. I want some. "We must milk it for all it's worth!"

Suddenly he screwed his head out of the way of a bullet that whizzed by. "What are you doing, Karma!" he ranted.

"Taking your advice, Teach!" the boy said, holding a pistol. "Gotta strike while the iron's hot!"

"Nue-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Korosensei laughed. "Well played, my boy. Wait for the target to let his guaraaAGH!"

His appearance was obscured by the bullets making their way towards his face, from a few students firing at him. "Now it's summer vacation!" Terasaka shouted over Korosensei's yips and shrieks of terror.

"No time like the present, right?" Karma said calmly as he approached us. We were just watching, resigned to the carnage that was our day-to-day lives in this class. "What do you say, Nagisa? Feel like emptying a few rounds?"

"Well then, girls," Kataoka said with a smile, "who would we be if we didn't make the most of things?"

"Yay!" Kurahashi cheered. "Let's have fun!"

Pretty much every guy in the class snapped their heads over as all the girls stripped off their jerseys, revealing swimsuits underneath. I just sighed as the aim of those firing at Korosensei started drifting to the left. "Gods," I muttered. "Every last one of you. Hopeless."

"You know," Kanzaki said, "I'm finally feeling up to a little dip!" Oh hey, I recognize that swimsuit. That's the one she bought back at the beginning of summer.

"Was that under your uniform?" Nagisa asked.

Kayano's face was blank with shock. "No one told me!" she shouted.

I just watched as all the girls started splashing around in the water, having fun as they splashed each other. Some were running on the beach, some were building something in the sand.

"Splash attack!" Kataoka called out as she and Hayami splashed water at Kurahashi and Okano.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" Nakamura shouted, hot on the heels of a fleeing Yada. Judging by Yada's protective posture, Nakamura was probably trying to grope her.

The whole time, I couldn't help but feel grateful that Kazuto wasn't here. If he was, I have _zero_ doubt he'd end up dogpiled by at least three of the girls, maybe more. Those pheromones of his, I swear.

Oh, look, here comes an uninvited guest. "Yay, splash attack!" Korosensei exclaimed, bright pink. "Me too! Me too!"

"Okay!" Kurahashi called, splashing water towards Korosensei with the aid of Kataoka.

Is he an idiot?

As water landed on him, he shrieked. "Actually, never mind!" he babbled, squirming around on the beach a safe distance from the water. "Terrible idea! Thank you, though!"

Yeah, he's an idiot.

"Well, there goes that," Kataoka muttered as Kurahashi let out a sigh of disappointment.

"Yes! This is what I'm talking about!" Okajima shouted, clenching fists in ecstasy. Pervert warning in three, two, one... "This is how it should be! Here I come, ladies!"

When he tore off his clothes, I glanced up. Hey, weren't those his...

I looked at Okajima. Yep. Those were his swim trunks in the air.

"Pervert!" every girl in the class shrieked.

Except Nakamura, who giggled mischievously. "Woah, shrinkage," she muttered.

As they all started beating on Okajima - who, let's face it, kinda deserved it at this point - Korosensei called out, "Don't forget! There's a fireworks display after this! We don't wanna miss it! We have to keep to the itinerary!"

"I think Okajima might be in traction when they start launching the fireworks," I said, observing the brutality with admiration. All of them were doing remarkably well.

Off to the side, Karasuma was glaring at our class in irritation, while a few of his Ministry underlings looked on in shock and a little bit of dismay. Yes, underlings, _this_ is the class that's going to save the planet. "Of course that didn't work!" Karasuma glared. Oh, no, wait, he's irritated about the concrete bunker thing.

"Is that it, sir?" Underling Alpha said. "Should we pack in our demolition equipment and go?"

"Yeah, might as well," Karasuma sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. The two underlings saluted and moved off.

"So, that's how it is, huh?" Professor Bitch asked, wandering over. Holy shit! It had only been about twenty-four hours, give or take, but I'd already forgotten that was her chosen swimsuit for this trip. Just… have some shame, woman. "You're suddenly too good to include me on your day at the beach? A girl's got feelings, you know! I thought we were friends."

"Is that a bikini?" Isogai asked carefully.

Maehara grinned. "Or a cry for help?"

Yeah, those two have been friends for a while. It shows.

"Ugh!" Professor Bitch shrieked. "Shut your pieholes!" Instantly, she switched targets back to Karasuma. "Hey, let's ditch the brats, yeah?" she said, batting her eyes at him. "Just us. I saw this adorable little spot up the way that's nice and -"

"I'd... rather not," Karasuma said as he turned and walked away.

Professor Bitch gasped, staring after him blankly. A few guys in the class just grinned at her failure. "Just when we started thinking," Takebayashi said, adjusting his glasses, "you're not a bitch."

"Don't even go there!" Professor Bitch shouted before screaming in frustration. "AAGH! You want bitch, I'll show you bitch!" Instantly, the guys turned and bolted, racing up and down the beach with Professor Bitch thundering along right behind. "I've had it up to here with you arrogant little pain in the asses!"

I was distracted from my schadenfreude by a gentle tentacle being placed on my head. "Hello, sir," I said, craning my head back to see Korosensei's face. "What's the occasion?" He usually doesn't pat me on the head.

"Your attempt on my life didn't quite succeed," Korosensei told me. I stiffened, tightening my jaw as anger flooded through me. "But that doesn't mean you failed. So long as you learn something, no attempt is really a failure. You've done well, Nick."

My initial instinct was to play it off, refuse the compliment and dismiss it entirely. After all, all I did was get angry a bunch and force people to calm me down. But... something in the way he looked at me, when I turned to look at him face-to-face, made me swallow those words. Like he'd see straight through them. "Thank you," I said instead, ducking my head a little bit. I don't... I don't do compliments well. I never know how to thank someone appropriately. But somehow, I think this worked.

He was gone a heartbeat later, off to praise Nagisa. But I wasn't too shaken by the speed at which things were happening.

Kunugigaoka Junior High, Class 3-E.

Yep. We're assassins. And our target? Our teacher.

That's just how we roll, here in our assassination classroom.

* * *

 **Well! That's Nightblade IV, Book One. Yes, there will be a Book Two, so don't bother asking about it.**

* * *

 **Alright, let's see. Chapter as a whole – I'm pretty satisfied with it. The brief switch to Karma's 3rd-person limited at the beginning was something I felt needed to be included as a necessary insight to how other people perceive Nick. Or, at least, Karma's perspective on him. It wasn't as thorough as I'd like; I might make a little extra snippet in Book Two showing off a more class-wide view. It also increased the feeling of disconnect from Nick, at least to me, so that's why I ultimately left it in. The state Nick was in, we** _ **shouldn't**_ **be seeing what he's thinking, and that did that.**

 **Remember, Nick went through Aincrad. We don't notice it much, since we're inside Nick's head, but that** _ **did**_ **scar him, quite deeply; the other thing is, among his circle of friends and family, he probably came out of Aincrad the least affected, barring perhaps Kana, and she has her own insecurities regarding being alone and the consequences of her inaction in Aincrad. Kirito killed and was affected by the murders; Asuna had to be the vice-commander of the KOB, dealing with all that stuff AND any deaths in the KOB; Rika (probably) lost whoever mentored her in the ways of the blacksmith (see the picture hanging in her forge in her Aincrad episode. Pretty sure those people were her teachers and probably died because TRAUMA); Keiko was TWELVE. And even the ones that didn't go through SAO aren't altogether whole; Shino's got PTSD and probably some other issues, and Sugu's going through her own shit. On the surface, Nick is one of the more stable members of their group – stoic, relatively easy-going, even-keeled, supportive when he can be – and as long as you don't look below the surface, he's pretty well-adjusted.**

 **But then, you come here and compare him to the E Class kids, and holy SHIT he's neurotic. Even more so than he realizes; like, seriously, he doesn't even realize he twitches to look at the door every time it opens or someone steps through. The twitching/constantly moving thing is completely subconscious, to the point that he automatically keeps the doors in line of sight whenever possible. And he eats like a starved animal. I just wanted to show how E Class sees someone from Aincrad, and show that yeah, Nick's been affected by it too.**

 **The Nagisa kill move I tried to make as visceral as possible. Problem is, there's only so much I can do with A) a written medium, not visual, and B) a perspective on the sidelines of the fight. Were Nick the one pulling it off, it'd be a lot better, I think, but que sera sera, I guess. As for how Nick's guessing what Nagisa's thinking, remember that he's been forced to speed up his acquisition of classmate thoughts because of the assassination. I'd say at this point he's on par with Year 1 of knowing Kirito in Aincrad; they can fight together and Switch, though Nick doesn't fully trust them yet. Still, Nick is most powerful when reading people's thoughts, remember. It's a coping mechanism he's developed to deal with paranoia.**

 **The clap move, honestly, I forgot I had Nick do that during the Kayaba fight until I recently reread Nightblade. I had to change things a bit, where Nick was learning it here for the first time to him remembering that he didn't pull it off successfully and learning it again to see if he did it wrong. Remember, the first time he did it he was untrained and taught himself. (The other reasons it didn't work was he didn't really know how to read the state of mind, and Kayaba didn't know what it was like to be killed.)**

 **Yada being the one to pull Nick back from the brink (in addition to Ritsu, natch) wasn't exactly something I'd 100% planned on. She just started pushing in on Nick more than I expected her to, and so she was the only one that felt comfortable enough approaching him when his bloodlust was pulsating in and out of control. (Don't worry about thinking she has a crush on him, by the way. She's got a crush on Kataoka; Nick is pretty firmly aimed towards Kana, obviously, and so he won't even consider the thought someone else might like him.)**

 **Just something I thought of, but remember back in Nightblade II, when Nick had Sugou at his mercy? Obviously, the situations are different - if that guy had actually harmed Kazuto or Asuna Nick would have slit his throat - but the similarities are there; it's interesting to see how Nick's starting to relax some of his rules on how he lives his life as he starts to grow a little bit. He doesn't _need_ the rules anymore.**

 **As for anyone wondering _why_ Nick reacted so violently: Yes, this isn't the real world, but at the same time Nick's kinda using the Aincrad coping mechanism - treat it as if it was, because you don't know when you'll get back to the real world. (also he's gotten a little attached to e class)**

* * *

 **Alright! We made it through Season One of Assassination Classroom, without hopefully too many problems. I'd like to think this went well, on my end at least.**

 **Let's see, talking points, talking points…**

 **Aside from a friendly reminder that yes, I'm covering Season Two of the show/the rest of the manga in Book Two (so don't bug me about it), I don't think there's much I need to talk about yet.**

 **And many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or left a review. It's been a wild ride ever since I started writing Nightblade, and we're slowly coming up on the end of Nick's saga. To give you an idea of where we are plot-wise, think of Nightblade IV as the last three books of the Wheel of Time series; one big, interconnected story, split up into three books for readability's sake. (Or, more topically, Volumes 9 through whatever of the SAO light novels.) Thanks to everyone that's stuck around since the beginning.**

 **(also super huge thank you to Hammiam, who's single-handedly updating the tvtropes page for this story. help him out, you jerks, it only takes a few seconds to sign up and there's enough people on the site that you can't screw up too badly)**


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